Straight Line of the Day: The Latest Weapon to Be Added to the US Military’s Arsenal…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

The latest weapon to be added to the US military’s arsenal…

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55 Comments

  1. … fear, surprise, an almost fanatical devotion to “The Won”, and spiffy camp uniforms.

    Oh, damn. I’ll come in again.

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  2. The latest weapon to be added to the US military’s arsenal…

    military quality email destroyers.

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  3. …cyanide tablets built into all military dogtags. Our Veterans will no longer have to rely on the VA to kill them.

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  4. … automatically records biometric information about anyone who uses it, for later prosecution.

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  5. …a group known as Seal Team Eleven to track down Edward Snowden to charge him with stealing Lois Lerner’s data.

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  6. …a diplomatic chain gun. The thing shoots Kerry diplomacy fluff over everyone, causing intense laughter.

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  7. @12

    There will be no revolution. There will be no uprisings. You got 50 years of liberal education to disarm mentally a majority of the people and the minority of the people who are smart enough to realize that while they got the guns they ain’t got overall wherewithal to win.

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  8. … for enforcing the Obama “Doctrine” (?): hollow, pointless bullets.

    … a Hillary rail gun: rails against the notion that any of it makes a difference.

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  9. …I’m not sure, but the sales guy insisted it was “totally webscale”

    …”gun free zone” signs

    …white flags

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  10. … bows and errors.

    … replacing Special Ops teams with Special Photo Ops teams; and Black Ops teams with Black Reparations Ops teams.

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  11. …Obamaphones for all military personel for more better hashtag effect and likes

    …computers capable of deleting all copies of a file, including those on tape at Iron Mountain without any admin access.

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  12. @29 FredKay: And just in case the enemy has those, smart, a rapid-fire, anti-personnel evil face:

    👿
    👿
    👿
    👿
    👿

    You’re dead!

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  13. …the Obama Jawbone, guaranteed to confound the weak and reduce the strong to paroxysms of spasmodic laughter…

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  14. Of course, the complete, secret arsenal of weaponized faces includes:

    🙂
    😀
    😉
    😎
    😛
    😮
    😡
    🙁
    😕
    😐
    😆
    😳
    😥
    😮
    👿
    😈
    🙄

    …all of which can do considerable damage to an unsuspecting enemy.

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  15. Only “yellow” faces? Isn’t that insulting to a certain segment of our population?

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  16. The latest weapon to be added to the US military’s arsenal isn’t exactly a weapon, they’re turning the country into a 3rd world hellhole that nobody would want to invade.

    If it’s good enough for Guatemala, it’s good enough for us!

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  17. The latest weapon to be added to the US military’s arsenal…

    …is sanctions that will be unenforced as usual.

    …robots made in China

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  18. … M. Night -Vision goggles, to view unexpected twists no one else sees coming.

    … infrared lines.

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  19. … boomerang ammunition that returns to the firer.

    (we still have to convince our enemies to use it, but perfect “as-is” for Homeland Security)

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  20. …is the Perpetual Emotion Machine, designed to feel the pain of our enemies without inflicting any…

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  21. The latest weapon to be added to the US military’s arsenal… copies of Hard Choices.

    What? Dropped from thirty thousand feet they can really do some damage!

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  22. The latest weapon to be added to the US military’s arsenal…

    the new and improved, Kevin Bacon tested, “thank you sir, may I have another?” machine.

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  23. …would have been awesome if not for the fact the only copy of the plans were stored on Lois Lerner’s hard drive.

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  24. A floride treatment gun to go with the x-ray gun. DARPA is still working on the
    anti-gingivitus gun.

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  25. … Obama’s awesome skeet-shooting ability. Jay Carney assured us he goes shooting all the time.

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  26. . . . is a fragmentation grenade releasing pictures of Hillary Clinton, Helen Thomas, and Debbie Wasserman-Schulz in bikinis.

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  27. @40: ” M. Night -Vision goggles, to view unexpected twists no one else sees coming.”

    Only works well once, future attempts are erratic at best.

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