Straight Line of the Day: The Latest Weapon to Be Added to the US Military’s Arsenal…

Posted on June 24, 2014 12:00 pm

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

The latest weapon to be added to the US military’s arsenal…

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55 Responses to “Straight Line of the Day: The Latest Weapon to Be Added to the US Military’s Arsenal…”

  1. DamnCat says:

    … Bunkerbuster Hashtags.

  2. can of spam says:

    … fear, surprise, an almost fanatical devotion to “The Won”, and spiffy camp uniforms.

    Oh, damn. I’ll come in again.

  3. can of spam says:

    … rifles with 10-round or less magazines.

  4. can of spam says:

    … a FABulous new gaydar.

  5. can of spam says:

    … will be the one proposed by the most-well-connected contractor.

  6. Burt says:

    …industrial strength apology generators.

  7. can of spam says:

    … pre-written strongly-worded letters for rapid deployment.

  8. walruskkkch says:

    The latest weapon to be added to the US military’s arsenal…

    military quality email destroyers.

  9. walruskkkch says:

    The latest weapon to be added to the US military’s arsenal…

    gun shaped pop tarts.

  10. Burt says:

    …cyanide tablets built into all military dogtags. Our Veterans will no longer have to rely on the VA to kill them.

  11. walruskkkch says:

    The latest weapon to be added to the US military’s arsenal…

    will never be used.

  12. can of spam says:

    @11: Nonsense. They’ll be used against US citizens.

  13. can of spam says:

    … automatically records biometric information about anyone who uses it, for later prosecution.

  14. Burt says:

    …a group known as Seal Team Eleven to track down Edward Snowden to charge him with stealing Lois Lerner’s data.

  15. Jimmy says:

    …a diplomatic chain gun. The thing shoots Kerry diplomacy fluff over everyone, causing intense laughter.

  16. Anchorman says:

    #

  17. walruskkkch says:

    @12

    There will be no revolution. There will be no uprisings. You got 50 years of liberal education to disarm mentally a majority of the people and the minority of the people who are smart enough to realize that while they got the guns they ain’t got overall wherewithal to win.

  18. Oppo says:

    … for enforcing the Obama “Doctrine” (?): hollow, pointless bullets.

    … a Hillary rail gun: rails against the notion that any of it makes a difference.

  19. blarg says:

    …I’m not sure, but the sales guy insisted it was “totally webscale”

    …”gun free zone” signs

    …white flags

  20. can of spam says:

    … is being field-tested by ISIL.

  21. Oppo says:

    … bows and errors.

    … replacing Special Ops teams with Special Photo Ops teams; and Black Ops teams with Black Reparations Ops teams.

  22. Oppo says:

    … chimerical warfare.

  23. blarg says:

    …Obamaphones for all military personel for more better hashtag effect and likes

    …computers capable of deleting all copies of a file, including those on tape at Iron Mountain without any admin access.

  24. blarg says:

    @23 and better proofreading before clicking “submit”

  25. can of spam says:

    … is an ingenious way of reusing Michelle’s failed school lunch items.

  26. blarg says:

    …automatic cash cannons capable of blanketing large areas with loads of tax money in seconds.

  27. blarg says:

    …Humvees with controls labeled in Arabic

  28. Jimmy says:

    …weapons vending machines throughout the Middle East that work with every type of credit card.

  29. FredKey says:

    High-caliber tactical stealth assault frowny faces.
    :(
    :(
    :(
    :(
    Don’t make me use more.

  30. Jimmy says:

    @29 FredKay: And just in case the enemy has those, smart, a rapid-fire, anti-personnel evil face:

    :evil:
    :evil:
    :evil:
    :evil:
    :evil:

    You’re dead!

  31. Bob B says:

    …the Obama Jawbone, guaranteed to confound the weak and reduce the strong to paroxysms of spasmodic laughter…

  32. Jimmy says:

    Of course, the complete, secret arsenal of weaponized faces includes:

    :)
    :D
    ;)
    8-)
    :P
    :o
    :x
    :(
    :?
    :|
    :lol:
    :oops:
    :cry:
    :eek:
    :evil:
    :twisted:
    :roll:

    …all of which can do considerable damage to an unsuspecting enemy.

  33. walruskkkch says:

    Only “yellow” faces? Isn’t that insulting to a certain segment of our population?

  34. FredKey says:

    You guys have me beat! Here in NY we’re only allowed a 4-face clip.

  35. Jimmy says:

    @33 Walrus: Yes. Cowards.

  36. NO_MO_BAMA says:

    The latest weapon to be added to the US military’s arsenal isn’t exactly a weapon, they’re turning the country into a 3rd world hellhole that nobody would want to invade.

    If it’s good enough for Guatemala, it’s good enough for us!

  37. Oppo says:

    … laser-guided dismissals.

  38. Oppo says:

    … a non-offensively-named helicopter.

  39. c64wood says:

    The latest weapon to be added to the US military’s arsenal…

    …is sanctions that will be unenforced as usual.

    …robots made in China

  40. Oppo says:

    … M. Night -Vision goggles, to view unexpected twists no one else sees coming.

    … infrared lines.

  41. Oppo says:

    … the Obama mortar — a smooth bore.

  42. Writer says:

    … boomerang ammunition that returns to the firer.

    (we still have to convince our enemies to use it, but perfect “as-is” for Homeland Security)

  43. Bob B says:

    …is the Perpetual Emotion Machine, designed to feel the pain of our enemies without inflicting any…

  44. chip says:

    The latest weapon to be added to the US military’s arsenal… copies of Hard Choices.

    What? Dropped from thirty thousand feet they can really do some damage!

  45. walruskkkch says:

    The latest weapon to be added to the US military’s arsenal…

    the new and improved, Kevin Bacon tested, “thank you sir, may I have another?” machine.

  46. Bob in Feenicks says:

    …would have been awesome if not for the fact the only copy of the plans were stored on Lois Lerner’s hard drive.

  47. Matt Musson says:

    A floride treatment gun to go with the x-ray gun. DARPA is still working on the
    anti-gingivitus gun.

  48. Oppo says:

    … Obama’s awesome skeet-shooting ability. Jay Carney assured us he goes shooting all the time.

  49. Oppo says:

    … the Third Armoire Division.
    (See, Obama isn’t terrifyingly manly..)

  50. Iowa Jim says:

    . . . is a fragmentation grenade releasing pictures of Hillary Clinton, Helen Thomas, and Debbie Wasserman-Schulz in bikinis.

  51. zzyzx says:

    The BB gun…you can’t kill an enemy with it, but you can put his eye out.

  52. can of spam says:

    @40: ” M. Night -Vision goggles, to view unexpected twists no one else sees coming.”

    Only works well once, future attempts are erratic at best.

  53. Baalam's Jackass says:

    1. IRS bullsh!t excuse generator
    2. IRS bullsh!t excuse deflector

  54. Doug says:

    Bean bag firing shotguns. Like those issued to our border patrol personnel.

  55. HokieGomer says:

    …Up-Armored Bus Undercarraiges.

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