Straight Line of the Day: Things Americans Say While Watching World Cup Soccer:

Posted on June 17, 2014 12:00 pm

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

Things Americans say while watching World Cup soccer:

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34 Responses to “Straight Line of the Day: Things Americans Say While Watching World Cup Soccer:”

  1. Steve H says:

    I thought this was a boat race…

  2. Hordog says:

    “Just pick the damn thing up!!”

  3. Bob B says:

    …this is a trick question – Americans DON’T watch World Cup soccer…

  4. Bob B says:

    “The clock is working wrong!”

  5. DamnCat says:

    “Damn, those girls are homely.”

  6. Bob B says:

    “Why can’t those guys stay upright, ever?”

  7. can of spam says:

    “USA! USA! So… what exactly are we watching!”

  8. can of spam says:

    “These guys running all over a giant field for an hour and a half are such wussies.”

  9. c64wood says:

    Yawn, that was a better nap than watching golf

  10. can of spam says:

    “Oh dear lord, soccer is sooooo bor… DID YOU SEE THAT?!?!?! GOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAALLLLLL!!!!”

  11. can of spam says:

    “I’ve only been watching soccer for a total of 15 minutes in my life, but let me give you my informed and insightful analysis…”

  12. can of spam says:

    “Has anyone scored a touchdown yet?”

  13. c64wood says:

    He’s kicked the ball.
    Now the ball’s over there.
    That man has it now.
    That’s an interesting development.
    Maybe he’ll kick the ball.
    He has indeed and apparently that deserves a round of applause.

    (Hat tip: The IT Crowd)

  14. can of spam says:

    “I could have played better than the Spanish goalkeeper.” (Likely true, by the way.)

  15. Anchorman says:

    …They cancel “Firefly,” but THIS gets air time?

    …The downside to drinking on Father’s Day…losing the remote the next day.

    …Still better than “Community” reruns.

    …So the rest of the world picked the most boring sport to master so the US wouldn’t dominate it? Whatevs, Brazil.

    …”The bigger the head, the bigger the ball” (obscure movie reference, but a great guy film, and the only way to make soccer masculine).

  16. can of spam says:

    “Where are all of the commercial breaks?”

  17. can of spam says:

    “Wait, they’re not going to stop the game for 10 minutes to review ‘instant replay’ of a fairly inconsequential play?”

  18. Burt says:

    “I was just trying to be more continental. Why do I feel like I was run over by a Lincoln?”

  19. Joel says:


  20. Burt says:

    “is this part of Michelle’s plan to encourage us to turn off the TV and ‘get moving’?”

  21. can of spam says:

    “I will call golf and bowling ‘sports’, but I scoff at soccer.”

  22. Burt says:

    If this activity continues, I swear, I will release the #hashtags!

  23. walruskkkch says:

    Things Americans say while watching World Cup soccer:

    Alright Copper, I’ll confess.

    Is this the part where Bugs Bunny pops out of a hole in the ground and says, “Welcome to Pismo Beach!”

    “THis is great!” eyeblinks Morse code “Help, I am being held hostage by Europeans!”

    Damn remote’s battery needs replacing.

    I didn’t expect some kind of Spanish Inquisition!

  24. Burt says:

    Finally I understand why this sport needs Hooligans.

  25. NO_MO_BAMA says:

    …..I better pay attention, we’ll be a 3rd world country soon and since nobody works in all the other ones, I guess this is how they spend their time.

  26. Gumbeaux says:

    This is so interesting. Say, when does the Facts of Life marathon start?

    This is almost as good as watching test patterns with a screaming British host to describe them.

  27. Writer says:

    Wow, he can kick like a Cheerleader!

  28. Bob in Feenicks says:

    …So… this is the rest of the world’s idea of… football?

    …I’d rather be watching curling.

    …What is President Heller doing out in the middle of the field?

  29. Dohtimes says:

    …Why yes Mr. President, if we could get our delinquent yoots to kick a ball instead of unconscious victims, crime would be reduced dramatically.

    …soccer, when you want your government to know that if you’ll riot over this, you’ll riot over anything.

    …soccer, where even the poorest country can put panties on it’s men and beat up the sissies from other, better nations.

  30. DamnCat says:

    “Ladyball? Isn’t there any men’s sports on?”

  31. Karen says:

    “Is anyone watching this?”

    “So, we’re getting to the park where Homer Simpson leaves, right?”

    “And the checkered thing is the ball in this sport?”

  32. Andy T says:

    It is amazing how fast they recover from these major injuries.

    Is this where Fosbury got the idea for the flop?

  33. Harvey says:

    @32 Andy T – Reference link:

  34. archangel says:

    “turn it, ass.”

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