Straight Line of the Day: What REALLY Happened to Lois Lerner’s Emails?

Posted on June 19, 2014 12:00 pm

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

What REALLY happened to Lois Lerner’s emails?

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37 Responses to “Straight Line of the Day: What REALLY Happened to Lois Lerner’s Emails?”

  1. Steve H says:

    Check Superman’s spam folder.

  2. Bob B says:

    Joe Biden

  3. walruskkkch says:

    What REALLY happened to Lois Lerner’s emails?

    Never written.

  4. walruskkkch says:

    What REALLY happened to Lois Lerner’s emails?

    Terminated, with extreme prejudice.

  5. walruskkkch says:

    What REALLY happened to Lois Lerner’s emails?

    Lookest thou over there!

    Made you look.

  6. FormerHostage says:

    She kept clicking that little red thingy.

  7. FormerHostage says:

    Memory hole.

  8. DamnCat says:

    “Umm…hello, IT department? My hard drive crashed. It was right after I did an fdisk command. Is there any way you can recover it? No? You’re sure? OK, good…er…I mean, darn it!”

  9. Bob B says:

    What difference at this point does it make? Just sayin’.

  10. Cappy says:

    The dog ate them.

    Then the president ate the dog.

    PROBLEM SOLVED!

  11. Apostic says:

    email gnomes

  12. walruskkkch says:

    What REALLY happened to Lois Lerner’s emails?

    Ha ha ha ha ha
    Yo, I’ll tell you what I want, what I really, really want
    So tell me what you want, what you really, really want
    I’ll tell you what I want, what I really, really want
    So tell me what you want, what you really, really want
    I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha)
    I wanna really, really, really wanna zigazig ah

    If you want my future, forget my past
    If you wanna get my email, better make it fast
    Now don’t go wasting my precious time
    Get your subpoenas together or I’ll just pay the fine

    I’ll tell you what I want, what I really, really want
    So tell me what you want, what you really, really want
    I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha)
    I wanna really, really, really wanna zigazig ah
    If you wanna be my Emails, you gotta get them from my friends
    (Got them from my friends)
    Nothing lasts forever, Hard drives met their ends
    If you wanna have my emails, I got none to give
    Computers crash too easy, but that’s the way it is

    Oh, what do you think about that
    Now you know how we deal
    Say, you can handle my email, are you for real
    (Are you for real)
    I won’t be hasty, I’ll waste your time
    If you really want them then kiss them goodbye

    Yo I’ll tell you what I want, what I really, really want
    So tell me what you want, what you really, really want
    I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha)
    I wanna really, really, really wanna zigazig ah

    If you want my emails, you gotta get them from my friends
    (Gotta get them from my friends)
    Hard Drives don’t last forever, emails meet bad ends
    If you want my emails, I’ve got none to give
    (I’ve got none to give)
    Their destruction was too easy, but that’s the way it is

    So, here’s a story from A to Z
    You wanna get my emails, you gotta listen carefully
    We got ‘Em in the place where they won’t see a face
    You got nothing, zip nary a trace
    Issa they don’t come for free, even with a subpoenee…
    And as for me, ha you’ll see

    Screw your subpoena clown and wind it all down
    Screw your subpoena clown and wind it all down

    If you want my emails, you gotta get them from my friends
    (Gotta get them from my friends)
    Hard Drives don’t last forever, emails meet bad ends
    If you want my emails, I’ve got none to give
    (I’ve got none to give)
    Their destruction was too easy, but that’s the way it is

    If you want my emails
    You gotta, you gotta, you gotta, you gotta, you gotta
    Try, try, try, try, tray (Oops! They’re gone forever)

    Screw your subpoena clown and wind it all down
    Screw your subpoena clown and wind it all down
    Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha
    Screw your subpoena clown and wind it all down
    Screw your subpoena clown and zigazig ah
    If you want my emails.

  13. Apostic says:

    CA landfill. Next to the copies of E.T. for Atari.

  14. Apostic says:

    Let’s just say Sandy Berger feels warmly about them.

  15. c64wood says:

    Check Sandy Berger’s pants

  16. c64wood says:

    Dang, Apostic beat me to it

  17. Bob B says:

    They were deleted with extreme prejudice by a robot sent from the future, Gov-net’s first feeble attempt to destroy the tea party by supporting the government’s covert suppression effort.

  18. c64wood says:

    They are stashed away with Iraq’s WMDs in Syria

  19. FredKey says:

    The cat’s in the bag, the bag’s in the river.

    {replace Cat with Dog as appropriate}

  20. Anchorman says:

    http://news.images.itv.com/image/file/115897/article_9e960dc6edeeee08_1352274094_9j-4aaqsk.jpeg

  21. FormerHostage says:

    Check between the couch cushions.

  22. Chish says:

    Went thru the official Eric Holder fast & furious shredder. (2X, just to be sure)

  23. Iowa Jim says:

    They were confiscated and destroyed by the Spanish inquisition, which, of course, nobody expected.

  24. Writer says:

    … bird cage liner

  25. Gumbeaux says:

    According to this lying administration, they’re with Jimmy Hoffa and Zippy’s birth certificate at the Easter Bunny’s house.

    According to reality, they still exist on a number of sources.

    Hmmm, who to believe, who to believe?

  26. c64wood says:

    Remember not too long ago about the one way ticket to Mars?

    Now you know…… the REST of the story!

  27. Burt says:

    They were sent to the Maximum Security Storage Center in Bluffdale Utah. http://rt.com/usa/nsa-utah-data-hub-meltdowns-871/

  28. zzyzx says:

    Her dog ate um.

  29. Jimmy says:

    They went into the bit bucket that Obama’s wearing on his head.

    They’re on Cloud 9.

  30. walruskkkch says:

    Right next to the Ark of Covenant stored at the government facility. It’s being examined by top men,… Top Men.

  31. Bob in Feenicks says:

    …her email inbox used to be owned by a guy named Schrodinger, and the emails disappeared when she looked inside.

  32. Shelgeyr says:

    Emails? What, do you really think she was required to perform actual WORK there?

  33. Bob B says:

    @31 -Bob in Feenicks, are you certain about that?

  34. Bob in Feenicks says:

    @33:
    Heisenberg has his doubts.

  35. Chuck T says:

    They went to or came from others in the government whose hard drives have not been “recycled” and as such still able to be found and provided to Congress… it would just be more difficult.

  36. Matt Musson says:

    According to the Heineken Uncertainty Principle – after 6 beers you
    can’t find your emails. Because you can’t even find your computer!

  37. hari says:

    They were last seen boarding Malaysian Airlines Flight 370.

    She used the USPS to send them snail-mail. They should show up around a week from Tuesday.

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