Straight Line of the Day: What REALLY Happened to Lois Lerner’s Emails?

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

What REALLY happened to Lois Lerner’s emails?

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  1. “Umm…hello, IT department? My hard drive crashed. It was right after I did an fdisk command. Is there any way you can recover it? No? You’re sure? OK, good…er…I mean, darn it!”

  2. What REALLY happened to Lois Lerner’s emails?

    Ha ha ha ha ha
    Yo, I’ll tell you what I want, what I really, really want
    So tell me what you want, what you really, really want
    I’ll tell you what I want, what I really, really want
    So tell me what you want, what you really, really want
    I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha)
    I wanna really, really, really wanna zigazig ah

    If you want my future, forget my past
    If you wanna get my email, better make it fast
    Now don’t go wasting my precious time
    Get your subpoenas together or I’ll just pay the fine

    I’ll tell you what I want, what I really, really want
    So tell me what you want, what you really, really want
    I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha)
    I wanna really, really, really wanna zigazig ah
    If you wanna be my Emails, you gotta get them from my friends
    (Got them from my friends)
    Nothing lasts forever, Hard drives met their ends
    If you wanna have my emails, I got none to give
    Computers crash too easy, but that’s the way it is

    Oh, what do you think about that
    Now you know how we deal
    Say, you can handle my email, are you for real
    (Are you for real)
    I won’t be hasty, I’ll waste your time
    If you really want them then kiss them goodbye

    Yo I’ll tell you what I want, what I really, really want
    So tell me what you want, what you really, really want
    I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha)
    I wanna really, really, really wanna zigazig ah

    If you want my emails, you gotta get them from my friends
    (Gotta get them from my friends)
    Hard Drives don’t last forever, emails meet bad ends
    If you want my emails, I’ve got none to give
    (I’ve got none to give)
    Their destruction was too easy, but that’s the way it is

    So, here’s a story from A to Z
    You wanna get my emails, you gotta listen carefully
    We got ‘Em in the place where they won’t see a face
    You got nothing, zip nary a trace
    Issa they don’t come for free, even with a subpoenee…
    And as for me, ha you’ll see

    Screw your subpoena clown and wind it all down
    Screw your subpoena clown and wind it all down

    If you want my emails, you gotta get them from my friends
    (Gotta get them from my friends)
    Hard Drives don’t last forever, emails meet bad ends
    If you want my emails, I’ve got none to give
    (I’ve got none to give)
    Their destruction was too easy, but that’s the way it is

    If you want my emails
    You gotta, you gotta, you gotta, you gotta, you gotta
    Try, try, try, try, tray (Oops! They’re gone forever)

    Screw your subpoena clown and wind it all down
    Screw your subpoena clown and wind it all down
    Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha
    Screw your subpoena clown and wind it all down
    Screw your subpoena clown and zigazig ah
    If you want my emails.

  3. They were deleted with extreme prejudice by a robot sent from the future, Gov-net’s first feeble attempt to destroy the tea party by supporting the government’s covert suppression effort.

  4. According to this lying administration, they’re with Jimmy Hoffa and Zippy’s birth certificate at the Easter Bunny’s house.

    According to reality, they still exist on a number of sources.

    Hmmm, who to believe, who to believe?

  5. They went to or came from others in the government whose hard drives have not been “recycled” and as such still able to be found and provided to Congress… it would just be more difficult.

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