Straight Line of the Day: Why Did Obama Release the Terrorist?

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

Why did Obama release the terrorist?

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71 Comments

  1. The overwhelming majority of terrorism detainees are from the Middle East. This blatant racism must be remedied.

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  2. Why Did Obama Release the Terrorist?

    He couldn’t give him a Congressional Medal of Honor.

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  3. Why Did Obama Release the Terrorist?

    He didn’t. He only heard about it when he read about it in the papers.

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  4. So he could complain to his Press Toadys how the Nasty Republicans are trying to ‘politisize’ all his actions.

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  5. Why did Obama release the terrorist?

    Besides the betrayal the U.S. and our fighting men and women – releasing the terrorists was a ‘good will gesture’… to the… other terrorists.

    Or are you referring to traitor/collaborator, Bowe Bergdahl?

    And if so, then that answer would be: Apparently for $5,000,000.

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  6. So that he could keep another campaign promise in addition to his promise to Putin to be more flexible.

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  7. Burt and jw are both right: Garafolo was funnier, and she/it/(!) never should have mated with Carpenter to produce this Barack abomination.

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  8. … to get some good word-of-mouth buzz going for the nes film, “Recidivist Full Of Dollars.”

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  9. …the terrorist refused to let him be clear.

    …he told Obama he left his Koran at home and promised he would get it and come right back.

    …the fastest way to end a war is to surrender. (h/t to Jersey)

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  10. … so John (“Concealed”) Kerry can track and drone-strike him if he ever breaks the law.

    … so she can run for president?

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  11. …Well, it’s not a great “exit strategy,” but it s one.

    … A VIDEO!! He could not help himself. Like Hillary says Muslims can’t.

    … so the terrorist would be able to follow The Dead. Not the band.

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  12. … trying to go down in history – or at least in the Oval Office – as The Great Imamcipator.

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  13. Everything Obummer has wanted to do has been hung up in congress in some form or fashion, so he goes around them with his pen and phone. He promised to shut down Gitmo then found out he couldn’t. So, he is using his pen and phone to find reasons to release the terrorists. Then after all of the terrorists are released there will be no reason to keep it open.

    Promise kept.

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  14. … as a dog-whistle to our troops that it’s not worth it to take prisoners? That is one steely-eyed terrorism-fighter!

    … because his crimes were like two years ago, Dude!!

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  15. … he thinks “Allahu Akhbar” is pig latin for “All Back.” He’s not – ahem – real familiar with American schoolkids’ games.

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  16. @44 Oppo: What the heck is a “Imamcipator?” Is that like a giant Flux Capacitor where you send the Hodgies back to the future?

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  17. … it was just a Ft. Hood-ous situation.

    … Don’t worry; there’s a Mathoud to his madness.

    (@ Jimmy: Yep!)

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  18. @ Jimmy again: My bad! My eyes read that as — AS OBAMA SAYS — there was a question mark at the end of your sentence.

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  19. … “Release” is such an ugly word. Can’t we just say “Took a liberal attitude towards”?

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  20. … because the poor guy was ill.
    No, wait. Because his life was in danger.
    Um, no; because Hegel approved it, not me.
    Dammit, why don’t you people respect my explanations??!

    … Because everyone deserves freedom.
    See? I told Vlad I’d have more platitudes after the election.

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  21. … because Obama’s understanding was that, in prison, the terrorist was working out and getting Mosul-bound.

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  22. It was a good trade, four Duck Dynasty guys for one terrorist and sack full of puppies to be eaten later.

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  23. … because Hillary’s advisor kept saying: “Abedin, Abedin, Abedin — That’s all, folks!”

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  24. OK I know about the 5 terrorist and and the one deserter, but I missed “The Terrorist” referred to here. Please enlighten me.

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  25. Why Did Obama Release the Terrorist? Well, it’s complicated….

    OBAMA: People of the Afghanistan! Washington is your fwiend. To pwove our fwiendship, we will welease an accused tewwowist fwom our pwison at Gitmo to be wemanded into westwicted custody in Qataw. Whom would you have me welease?
    TALIBAN SPOKSMAN: Welease Woger!
    OTHER TALIBAN: Yes! Welease Woger! Welease Woger! [laughing]
    OBAMA: Vewy well. I shall welease Woger!
    OTHER TALIBAN: [laughing and cheering]
    HAGEL: Sir, uh, we don’t have a ‘Woger’, sir.
    TALIBAN SPOKSMAN: Well, what about Wodewick, then?
    OTHER TALIBAN: Yes! Welease Wodewick! Welease Wodewick!

    Eventually…

    OBAMA: This is not vewy funny. I gwant you one last chance…
    TALIBAN SPOKSMAN: Welease Khaiwullah Khaiwkhwa
    OBAMA: Wight. Anothew silly name. That’s it. No….
    HAGEL: Wait, sir. We do hava a Khaiwullah, er, Khairullah Khairkhwa.
    OBAMA: Very well! I shall welease Khaiwullah Khaiwkhwa. Anything to wesolve this. Hewe, take fouw othews. Just weave me awone.
    OTHER TALIBAN: [laughing and cheering]

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