Straight Line of the Day: Why Did Obama Release the Terrorist?

Posted on June 10, 2014 12:00 pm

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

Why did Obama release the terrorist?

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71 Responses to “Straight Line of the Day: Why Did Obama Release the Terrorist?”

  1. Bob B says:

    So he could get to “the other side”.

  2. Bob B says:

    Stupid does as stupid is.

  3. DamnCat says:

    “What difference does it make?”

  4. Bob B says:

    He needs to change outrages on a weekly basis to distract the media from doing their jobs.

  5. DamnCat says:

    The overwhelming majority of terrorism detainees are from the Middle East. This blatant racism must be remedied.

  6. can of spam says:

    Why does a bear **** in the woods? Why is the Pope Catholic?

  7. walruskkkch says:

    Why Did Obama Release the Terrorist?

    He couldn’t give him a Congressional Medal of Honor.

  8. walruskkkch says:

    Why Did Obama Release the Terrorist?

    The Kracken was busy.

  9. walruskkkch says:

    Why Did Obama Release the Terrorist?

    Professional courtesy.

  10. walruskkkch says:

    Why Did Obama Release the Terrorist?

    He didn’t. He only heard about it when he read about it in the papers.

  11. walruskkkch says:

    Why Did Obama Release the Terrorist?

    Hunting them by Drone is more sporting.

  12. CCO says:

    He said please.

    (But I like #11.)

  13. Chish says:

    He’s enamored with swarthy older guys.

  14. walruskkkch says:

    Why Did Obama Release the Terrorist?

    He was acting as Chuck Hegel’s sock puppet.

  15. Burt says:

    because he hollered.

  16. DamnCat says:

    He traded them for some magic beans.

  17. FredKey says:

    To get to the child bride.

  18. FormerHostage says:

    To give to the other side.

    (With apologies to Bob)

  19. FormerHostage says:

    Cuz there were no more illegals left.

  20. FormerHostage says:

    Cuz the BLM and EPA declared them as endangered species.

  21. Burt says:

    Cuz Valarie said to.

  22. Burt says:

    So he could complain to his Press Toadys how the Nasty Republicans are trying to ‘politisize’ all his actions.

  23. Burt says:

    To kill more murricans.

  24. Jersey McJones says:

    He’s trying to bring the wars to an end.

    JMJ

  25. Oppo says:

    Ha Ha! Jersey’s still in there swinging away!

  26. Burt says:

    JMJ may be alright but for entertainment value, I miss GARAFOLO

  27. Doug says:

    Why did Obama release the terrorist?

    Besides the betrayal the U.S. and our fighting men and women – releasing the terrorists was a ‘good will gesture’… to the… other terrorists.

    Or are you referring to traitor/collaborator, Bowe Bergdahl?

    And if so, then that answer would be: Apparently for $5,000,000.

  28. Bob B says:

    It’s Tuesday…

  29. FredKey says:

    Recipe swap!

  30. Steve H says:

    That is the nickname Michelle gave “Mr. Happy.”

  31. calcpa says:

    So that he could keep another campaign promise in addition to his promise to Putin to be more flexible.

  32. Oppo says:

    Burt and jw are both right: Garafolo was funnier, and she/it/(!) never should have mated with Carpenter to produce this Barack abomination.

  33. Jimmy says:

    It was Biden’s idea.

  34. Oppo says:

    … to get some good word-of-mouth buzz going for the nes film, “Recidivist Full Of Dollars.”

  35. Oppo says:

    nes = next

  36. Oppo says:

    Well, you know, “If you love something, let it go.”

    #BumperStickerPresidency

  37. Bob in Feenicks says:

    …the terrorist refused to let him be clear.

    …he told Obama he left his Koran at home and promised he would get it and come right back.

    …the fastest way to end a war is to surrender. (h/t to Jersey)

  38. Oppo says:

    … so John (“Concealed”) Kerry can track and drone-strike him if he ever breaks the law.

    … so she can run for president?

  39. Oppo says:

    … it was a presidential Pon Farr-don.

  40. Anchorman says:

    …because they promised to target only 50 of our states.

  41. Oppo says:

    …Well, it’s not a great “exit strategy,” but it s one.

    … A VIDEO!! He could not help himself. Like Hillary says Muslims can’t.

    … so the terrorist would be able to follow The Dead. Not the band.

  42. NO_MO_BAMA says:

    5 more votes! YES WE CAN!!!1!11!!

  43. Oppo says:

    … the terrorist called himself Bergdahl, and Obama got confused.

  44. Oppo says:

    … trying to go down in history – or at least in the Oval Office – as The Great Imamcipator.

  45. c64wood says:

    Everything Obummer has wanted to do has been hung up in congress in some form or fashion, so he goes around them with his pen and phone. He promised to shut down Gitmo then found out he couldn’t. So, he is using his pen and phone to find reasons to release the terrorists. Then after all of the terrorists are released there will be no reason to keep it open.

    Promise kept.

  46. Oppo says:

    … as a dog-whistle to our troops that it’s not worth it to take prisoners? That is one steely-eyed terrorism-fighter!

    … because his crimes were like two years ago, Dude!!

  47. Oppo says:

    … he thinks “Allahu Akhbar” is pig latin for “All Back.” He’s not – ahem – real familiar with American schoolkids’ games.

  48. Jimmy says:

    @44 Oppo: What the heck is a “Imamcipator?” Is that like a giant Flux Capacitor where you send the Hodgies back to the future?

  49. Oppo says:

    @48 Jimmy: Don’t ask me… I just report the facts.

  50. Oppo says:

    … because that ugly prisoner needs 144 virgins, not just 72.

  51. Jimmy says:

    @49: And you are doing great punitive damage!

  52. Writer says:

    … because he had nothing better to do last weekend.

  53. c64wood says:

    Why Did Obama Release the Terrorist?

    To see if he would make Straight Line of the Day

  54. DamnCat says:

    Chuck Hagel made him do it.

  55. DamnCat says:

    D’OH – walruskkkch beat me to it!

  56. Oppo says:

    … it was just a Ft. Hood-ous situation.

    … Don’t worry; there’s a Mathoud to his madness.

    (@ Jimmy: Yep!)

  57. Oppo says:

    @ Jimmy again: My bad! My eyes read that as — AS OBAMA SAYS — there was a question mark at the end of your sentence.

  58. Oppo says:

    … “Release” is such an ugly word. Can’t we just say “Took a liberal attitude towards”?

  59. Oppo says:

    … because he didn’t get a “Haram!” from that guy.

  60. Oppo says:

    … because they’re not called “ji- HAVE – is.” Duh!

  61. Oppo says:

    … because the poor guy was ill.
    No, wait. Because his life was in danger.
    Um, no; because Hegel approved it, not me.
    Dammit, why don’t you people respect my explanations??!

    … Because everyone deserves freedom.
    See? I told Vlad I’d have more platitudes after the election.

  62. Oppo says:

    … because Obama’s understanding was that, in prison, the terrorist was working out and getting Mosul-bound.

  63. Dohtimes says:

    It was a good trade, four Duck Dynasty guys for one terrorist and sack full of puppies to be eaten later.

  64. Oppo says:

    … because Hillary’s advisor kept saying: “Abedin, Abedin, Abedin — That’s all, folks!”

  65. raml says:

    OK I know about the 5 terrorist and and the one deserter, but I missed “The Terrorist” referred to here. Please enlighten me.

  66. walruskkkch says:

    Because “Undocumented future Democrat voter” was already in use?

  67. Apostic says:

    Why Did Obama Release the Terrorist? Well, it’s complicated….

    OBAMA: People of the Afghanistan! Washington is your fwiend. To pwove our fwiendship, we will welease an accused tewwowist fwom our pwison at Gitmo to be wemanded into westwicted custody in Qataw. Whom would you have me welease?
    TALIBAN SPOKSMAN: Welease Woger!
    OTHER TALIBAN: Yes! Welease Woger! Welease Woger! [laughing]
    OBAMA: Vewy well. I shall welease Woger!
    OTHER TALIBAN: [laughing and cheering]
    HAGEL: Sir, uh, we don’t have a ‘Woger’, sir.
    TALIBAN SPOKSMAN: Well, what about Wodewick, then?
    OTHER TALIBAN: Yes! Welease Wodewick! Welease Wodewick!

    Eventually…

    OBAMA: This is not vewy funny. I gwant you one last chance…
    TALIBAN SPOKSMAN: Welease Khaiwullah Khaiwkhwa
    OBAMA: Wight. Anothew silly name. That’s it. No….
    HAGEL: Wait, sir. We do hava a Khaiwullah, er, Khairullah Khairkhwa.
    OBAMA: Very well! I shall welease Khaiwullah Khaiwkhwa. Anything to wesolve this. Hewe, take fouw othews. Just weave me awone.
    OTHER TALIBAN: [laughing and cheering]

  68. currently says:

    He didn’t release THE terrorist. He released FIVE terrorists.

  69. James says:

    Apostic has it right. Next we will ask Obama to conjugate “Yankee go home” in Latin.

  70. Writer says:

    He forgot to say,”Simon Sez.”

  71. tanstaafl44 says:

    the voices told him to (soros on the phone)

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