Out: Romney a monster for doing his job trying to build businesses. In: Hillary was just doing her job getting child rapists off the hook.
— Josh Jordan (@NumbersMuncher) June 16, 2014
Not only was Bob Dole a war hero, but without his contributions they never would have invented the pineapple.
— Lazer Cat (@Laser_Cat) June 16, 2014
Gravity has an unusually powerful effect on soccer players.
— Dave Barry (@rayadverb) June 16, 2014
It's cute how we let nations like Ghana pretend they're real countries with national anthems and everything.
— Doug Mataconis (@dmataconis) June 16, 2014
Most of the fun of cheering for Team USA, for most Americans, is when the US beats other countries at a sport they care way more about.
— Zack Beauchamp (@zackbeauchamp) June 16, 2014
Ladies compare me to a European soccer team because if they touch me I fall down and start crying.
— Bucky Isotope (@BuckyIsotope) June 16, 2014
If Ghana wants to win it should attack the USA's weakness by shouting out Game of Thrones spoilers
— Eliza Bayne (@ElizaBayne) June 16, 2014
The World Cup. Now I know what it must be like for normal people during a primary season.
— John Podhoretz (@jpodhoretz) June 16, 2014