Hated Animals

Out of curiosity, what animals do you hate? And let’s not talk about insects or common pests like mice. For instance, I hate Canada geese. Giant, stupid pooping birds that walk around like they own the place. Not sure if we call them Canada geese because they are from Canada or because we despise them as much as we do Canada. Also, I don’t like bears. Don’t know why something that eats berries and fish has to be a giant killing machine. It’s weird.

And don’t even get me started on monkeys.

So what animal do you hate?

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36 Comments

  1. Spiders. I mean come on…. are eight eyes really necessary?

    Oh, you said animals.

    Aardvarks.

    They are like the plumbers of the animal world because they have to use TWO A’s in their name to try and get to the top of the listing in the phone book.

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  2. Oh, don’t get me started about Canada geese! They all need to fly back to Canada and stay there.

    Raccoons: thieves, shysters, con artists. Dirty, flea-bitten, rabies-carrying excuses for a life form. I don’t understand what “niche” they fill in our ecosystem and would like to see them gone off the planet. They also remind me of Democrats.

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  3. Warthogs. Got a problem with everybody because they’re so ugly. They’re the quiet creep in the office who suddenly comes to work with a media-identified assault rifle. Watch out for warthogs.

    Not fond of any primates aside from us, or most of us, anyway. Most of us don’t throw poop when we’re angry. Only liberals.

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  4. Oh, and Koalas. Koalas are awful. Their only sense in the world when anything around them happens is to hold on tight and evacuate their bowels.

    And only hippies eat that much eucalyptus.

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  5. Platypuses (Platypi?), but I’m not fully convinced that they’re real animals. I mean, come on, egg-laying mammals with an electricity-sensing bill and poison spurs. Add to that the fact that they have something silly like 10 sex chromosomes, and I think someone’s playing a joke on us and seeing how far they can take it. They say they’re from Australia, but I don’t have the evidence to convince me that that’s not a make-believe place, either

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  6. Seagulls. Noisy poop machines that take great delight in targeting my car after a fresh wash. The movie “Finding Nemo” was FAR too kind to those flying menaces-they should have crashed them into a jet engine intake rather than a sailboat.

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  7. Dogs. They’re loud and extroverted. They shove their snouts into my genitals. They shed hair. They poop and piss on everything. And they’re something that obama eats.

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  8. For me it is a toss up between the Narwhal and the Panda. I mean you look at the narwhal and think “Whale with a horn. Cool” Then you realize it is not a horn but just one of its teeth that grew like that. Then you have the panda bear. Science! still cant figure out if it is a bear or a very large racoon. Creepy either way.

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  9. Deer. I say, in day 2 of my 14-to-24 day round of antibiotics for Lyme Disease. I mean, everyone hates ticks. But I’m for wiping out the deer that the deer ticks eat. Right before they eat us, that is. Next time you see a deer in the headlights, speed up.

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  10. Frank really hates lemmings, what with their two M’s and their pipers all pied. And Canadians aren’t all bad considering what lies between them and us here in the South, besides the Appalachian Goose Poop Mountains.

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  11. Pandas. Can’t even procreate without our help, apparently. Yeah, they’re cute and all, but if you can’t survive on your own as a species, then get out of the way. Goddamn charity cases.

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