Straight Line of the Day: Former White House Press Secretary Jay Carney’s First Act As Apple’s New PR Guy…

Posted on July 22, 2014 12:00 pm

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

Former White House Press Secretary Jay Carney’s first act as Apple’s new PR guy

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20 Responses to “Straight Line of the Day: Former White House Press Secretary Jay Carney’s First Act As Apple’s New PR Guy…”

  1. can of spam says:

    (For the record, wasn’t this rumor dubunked days ago?)

  2. tedwade73 says:

    … was to blame the discrimination against Adobe Flash on low level employees in Cincinnati.

    … referred all questions pertaining broken screens to the glass manufacturer.

    … informed the press that all emails, text messages, and voice mails pertaining to signal loss due to the phone being held near the antenna had been lost due to a mysterious server crash.

  3. Harvey says:

    @1 can of spam – given how credible I consider both Apple & Carney, there’s nothing either one of them could ever say that would debunk a rumor for me.

    Then again, I’m old & cynical, too, so… grain of salt.

  4. Jimmy says:

    …was to announce that Apple is bringing back the Trash-80.

    And it will TRASH the competition!

  5. Jimmy says:

    …was to announce that your iPhone is not rigged to spy on you.

  6. jw says:

    …install windows 8 on his teleprompter

  7. Burt says:

    …will be to continue with the distraction from the fact the iPresident is actually an iRobot. (no wonder the media clowns are attacking Will Smith)

  8. archangel says:

    …will be to blame steve jobs’ death on bush’s executive producer role on an islamic documentary, then launch an investigation.

    …will be to act incredulous, role his eyes and laugh like a jackass at the mere mention of the word ‘android’.

  9. Iowa Jim says:

    . . . will be to change Apple’s logo to an image of a hammer and sickle.

    . . . will be to hire the Rev. Jeremiah Wright as his assistant

  10. Bill James says:

    Trs-80? And get sued by Radio Shack? You are kidding right? Why not bring back Lisa?

  11. walruskkkch says:

    Former White House Press Secretary Jay Carney’s first act as Apple’s new PR guy…

    to lie.


    lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lielielielielielielielielielielielielielielielie, lie.

    Oh, and then he LIED!

  12. Bob B says:

    …was to ask when he was going to get to meet the Beatles.

  13. jw says:

    “Veteran Apple reporter Jim Dalrymple shot down any speculation about Carney joining Apple, saying, “Tim Cook has never even met Jay Carney.”

    which probably increases the chance of him getting the job.

  14. Jimmy says:

    @10: Lisa came down with a case of “Mono” and died. (Mono Lisa. ba da CRASH!!)

  15. Burt says:

    hnmmm… I can remember when an worm in an apple was a bad thing.

  16. Burt says:

    Perhaps this is an attempt at diversity. Apple is known for their ‘smart’ devices. Now they can be recognized for their stupid tools.

  17. DamnCat says:

    …will be to deny that he is Apple’s new PR guy.

    (h/t can of spam)

  18. Bob in Feenicks says:

    …will be to blame everything on either his predecessor Justin Long, or the PC guy.

  19. Jimmy says:

    …will be to bad mouth Microsoft Bob.

    …will be to finally admit that the Apple Moose was a mistake.

    …will be to replace Siri’s voice with his own.

  20. Dohtimes says:

    …was to say goodbye to the bearded woman and the Siamese twins and change his name to Jay Apple.

    …watch, as Bullwinkle says “Watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat”.

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