Hoo boy. No, I will not sympathize with the Palestinians simply because they're worse at killing people than they want to be.
— Gabriel Malor (@gabrielmalor) July 14, 2014
Who the heck made up the rule that you have to force your kid to shoot their dog? Considering not doing it
— Michael Kupperman (@MKupperman) July 14, 2014
So you take the pillows off at bed time and put them back in the morning? Yup, got a whole system and everything. *alien shoots me*
— pin up teacher (@pinupteacher) July 15, 2014
*writes letter in 1700's to girlfriend* *waits 3 weeks and opens her return letter* "K"
— luke (@internetluke) July 15, 2014
When a Buzzfeed writer dies he's forced to click on a "You won't believe what happens next" thumbnail of himself. Then he goes to Hell.
— Michael J Nelson (@michaeljnelson) July 15, 2014
I see a man eyeing a woman's purse on the subway. He gets up and leaves without incident. I ease my grip on the wand in my coat pocket.
— THE NATEWOLF (@thenatewolf) July 15, 2014