Keanu Reeves stuck motionless on a horse forever because every time it starts to move he goes "whoa".
— Bucky Isotope (@BuckyIsotope) September 13, 2013
Old screen names are a pretty good argument for why you have to be 18 to get a tattoo
— Eli Yudin (@eliyudin) July 3, 2014
"you want to know war, buddy?" *downs beer* "I fought on the front lines of CNN article comment sections for 3 years"
— sadvil (@crylenol) July 3, 2014
relations hip status: my grandmas hip replacement went well
— bread (@zoebread) July 3, 2014
The cliche about soccer is that it's boring. That comes from uneducated people who like their stupid games to have stuff happen.
— Michael J Nelson (@michaeljnelson) July 4, 2014
Now retired, Mario argues online all day about his constitutional right to throw fireballs
— Brian Gaar (@briangaar) July 5, 2014
The average amount of time it takes to hear a child's story is 4 months.
— Michael (@Home_Halfway) July 5, 2014