Straight Line of the Day: Eric Holder’s Solution to the Unrest in Missouri…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

Eric Holder’s solution to the unrest in Missouri…

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34 Comments

  1. …is to clear the streets by using mobile amplifiers to blast his favorite song, Elton John’s “Honky Cat”.

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  2. …more AKs to cartels.
    …mass roundups of those Tea Party terrorists, who are responsible for the rioting and looting.

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  3. Eric Holder’s solution to the unrest in Missouri…

    he immediately ordered the accidental destruction of all hard drives at the Justice Department. Just in case.

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  4. Eric Holder’s solution to the unrest in Missouri…

    order the round up of Stephen Baldwin, Gabriel Byrne, Benicio del Toro, Kevin Pollak, Pete Postlethwaite and Kevin Spacey.

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  5. …demand disability and worker’s comp for all those injured toting home their new flat screen tv. plus a class action suit against Walmart because they didn’t offer to carry it to the car.

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  6. Eric Holder’s solution to the unrest in Missouri…

    … is to have the DOJ designate the looters, ISIS, Al Qaeda, and the New Black Panther Party as protected minorities under the the Civil Rights act, preventing any act of prejudice against them. Looting, bombing, and beheading will become designated as “cultural differences that celebrate diversity.” They will be given enhanced, fast-track access to placement in government jobs with the Border Patrol, TSA, INS, and the Department of Justice. They will be given season tickets to Oakland Raiders home games.

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  7. Eric Holder’s solution to the unrest in Missouri…
    to call on OFA to charter some more busses to bring in demonstrators.

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  8. Eric Holder’s solution to the unrest in Missouri…
    …Hey! the President said: “I will not rest”. Why should anyone else?

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  9. …is as bigoted, worthless, and unintelligent as his solutions to all the other problems in this country.

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  10. ….will no doubt be a direct violation of the Constitution of The United Sates of America.

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  11. Eric Holder’s Missouri solution works like this:

    Darren Wilson sits on a plank over a giant open tank of gasoline. Then contestants picked at random pay $5.00 per throw to lob Molotov cocktails at the target which would drop him in the tank if they hit it.

    Alternatively he might go for crucifixion. While not as flashy as the gasoline dunk tank, it’s got tradition as well as irony going for it.

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  12. …I just don’t have anything. Eric Holder is such a sorry excuse for a (fill in the blank).

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  13. Eric Holder’s solution to the unrest in Missouri…
    …to make a special trip to Ferguson to personally deliver the promised paychecks to his rioters.

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  14. Eric Holder wants to quell the disturbances and violence in Missouri. Dr. Kent Brantly and Nancy Writebol were removed from the CDC in Atlanta. They were taken to Missouri and told to give protestors lots of hugs.

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  15. Eric Holder’s solution to the unrest in Missouri…

    …is to increase funding for the local PBS station.

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  16. Eric Holder’s solution to the unrest in Missouri…

    Well, a traditional Roman decimation of all the whites in the country might be to his liking.

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  17. Eric Holder’s solution to the unrest in Missouri…
    …to bring in Bill Ayres as a motivational speaker.

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  18. I predict Eric will write an epic song about his heroic efforts in solving the problem.

    Something along the lines of this classic:

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  19. Eric Holder’s solution to the unrest in Missouri…

    bringing up all shop owner’s on civil rights charges for not giving rioters equal access to their stores.

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