Straight Line of the Day: Eric Holder’s Solution to the Unrest in Missouri…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

Eric Holder’s solution to the unrest in Missouri…

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  1. …demand disability and worker’s comp for all those injured toting home their new flat screen tv. plus a class action suit against Walmart because they didn’t offer to carry it to the car.

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  2. Eric Holder’s solution to the unrest in Missouri…

    … is to have the DOJ designate the looters, ISIS, Al Qaeda, and the New Black Panther Party as protected minorities under the the Civil Rights act, preventing any act of prejudice against them. Looting, bombing, and beheading will become designated as “cultural differences that celebrate diversity.” They will be given enhanced, fast-track access to placement in government jobs with the Border Patrol, TSA, INS, and the Department of Justice. They will be given season tickets to Oakland Raiders home games.

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  3. Eric Holder’s Missouri solution works like this:

    Darren Wilson sits on a plank over a giant open tank of gasoline. Then contestants picked at random pay $5.00 per throw to lob Molotov cocktails at the target which would drop him in the tank if they hit it.

    Alternatively he might go for crucifixion. While not as flashy as the gasoline dunk tank, it’s got tradition as well as irony going for it.

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  4. Eric Holder wants to quell the disturbances and violence in Missouri. Dr. Kent Brantly and Nancy Writebol were removed from the CDC in Atlanta. They were taken to Missouri and told to give protestors lots of hugs.

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