Straight Line of the Day: Eric Holder’s Solution to the Unrest in Missouri…

Posted on August 20, 2014 12:00 pm

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

Eric Holder’s solution to the unrest in Missouri…

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34 Responses to “Straight Line of the Day: Eric Holder’s Solution to the Unrest in Missouri…”

  1. Steve H says:

    … is to put a union-run auto factory in St Louis (worked for Detroit, after all).

  2. walruskkkch says:

    Eric Holder’s solution to the unrest in Missouri…

    Cil Whitey.

  3. Bob B says:

    …is to unleash the New Black Panthers…

  4. Bob B says:

    …is to clear the streets by using mobile amplifiers to blast his favorite song, Elton John’s “Honky Cat”.

  5. Eric Praline says:

    …more AKs to cartels.
    …mass roundups of those Tea Party terrorists, who are responsible for the rioting and looting.

  6. walruskkkch says:

    Eric Holder’s solution to the unrest in Missouri…

    he immediately ordered the accidental destruction of all hard drives at the Justice Department. Just in case.

  7. walruskkkch says:

    Eric Holder’s solution to the unrest in Missouri…

    order the round up of Stephen Baldwin, Gabriel Byrne, Benicio del Toro, Kevin Pollak, Pete Postlethwaite and Kevin Spacey.

  8. jw says:

    …demand disability and worker’s comp for all those injured toting home their new flat screen tv. plus a class action suit against Walmart because they didn’t offer to carry it to the car.

  9. Bob B says:

    …is to bring in Captain Renault…

  10. Keith Arnold says:

    Eric Holder’s solution to the unrest in Missouri…

    … is to have the DOJ designate the looters, ISIS, Al Qaeda, and the New Black Panther Party as protected minorities under the the Civil Rights act, preventing any act of prejudice against them. Looting, bombing, and beheading will become designated as “cultural differences that celebrate diversity.” They will be given enhanced, fast-track access to placement in government jobs with the Border Patrol, TSA, INS, and the Department of Justice. They will be given season tickets to Oakland Raiders home games.

  11. Burt says:

    Eric Holder’s solution to the unrest in Missouri…
    to call on OFA to charter some more busses to bring in demonstrators.

  12. Burt says:

    Eric Holder’s solution to the unrest in Missouri…
    …Hey! the President said: “I will not rest”. Why should anyone else?

  13. Nucking Futs says:

    … is to deputize the NBPP to take care of the annoying “white folk” problem.

  14. FormerHostage says:

    …doesn’t exist since that would imply that he and Barry want it to stop.

  15. FormerHostage says:

    …is to not let a good crisis go to waste.

  16. FormerHostage says:

    …is as bigoted, worthless, and unintelligent as his solutions to all the other problems in this country.

  17. ConnecticutCompromise says:

    ….will no doubt be a direct violation of the Constitution of The United Sates of America.

  18. ConnecticutCompromise says:

    …in his dreams, involves the white cop, an orange jumpsuit and a well honed knife.

  19. blarg says:

    …just start pointing his finger at random white people and yelling “RACIST!!”

  20. Jack says:

    Eric Holder’s Missouri solution works like this:

    Darren Wilson sits on a plank over a giant open tank of gasoline. Then contestants picked at random pay $5.00 per throw to lob Molotov cocktails at the target which would drop him in the tank if they hit it.

    Alternatively he might go for crucifixion. While not as flashy as the gasoline dunk tank, it’s got tradition as well as irony going for it.

  21. Jeff in South Dakota says:

    …I just don’t have anything. Eric Holder is such a sorry excuse for a (fill in the blank).

  22. Burt says:

    Eric Holder’s solution to the unrest in Missouri…
    …to make a special trip to Ferguson to personally deliver the promised paychecks to his rioters.

  23. Jack says:

    Eric Holder wants to quell the disturbances and violence in Missouri. Dr. Kent Brantly and Nancy Writebol were removed from the CDC in Atlanta. They were taken to Missouri and told to give protestors lots of hugs.

  24. c64wood says:

    Eric Holder’s solution to the unrest in Missouri…

    …is to increase funding for the local PBS station.

  25. walruskkkch says:

    Eric Holder’s solution to the unrest in Missouri…

    Well, a traditional Roman decimation of all the whites in the country might be to his liking.

  26. Burt says:

    Eric Holder’s solution to the unrest in Missouri…
    …to bring in Bill Ayres as a motivational speaker.

  27. Harvey says:

    I predict Eric will write an epic song about his heroic efforts in solving the problem.

    Something along the lines of this classic:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3IMYB_cFNqc

  28. DamnCat says:

    @Harvey…
    ♫ You got to know when to Holder ‘em ♫

  29. c64wood says:

    …is to have everyone form a big circle and do the hokey pokey

  30. NO_MO_BAMA says:

    Giving ‘his people’ keys to the stores so they don’t have to break the windows.

  31. walruskkkch says:

    Eric Holder’s solution to the unrest in Missouri…

    bringing up all shop owner’s on civil rights charges for not giving rioters equal access to their stores.

  32. Bob in Feenicks says:

    …gin with a splash of vermouth, then sit back and watch the town burn.

  33. currently says:

    …create a re-education camp dubbed “White Hostility Is Fast & Furious” (WHIFF)

  34. Dohtimes says:

    …putting the try in bigotry and the ass in class warfare.

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