Straight Line of the Day: President Obama’s Latest Executive Order…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

President Obama’s latest Executive Order

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  1. …requires all golf courses within three hours of the White House to hold an open tee time for the President’s exclusive use…

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  2. …replaces the daily briefing with a detailed analysis of the day’s golf course layout and weather conditions.

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  3. … set the new EO record for use of the word “uh.”

    … was the first to be signed by Valerie Jarrett’s autopen.

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  4. …will streamline the executive order process. From now on executive orders will be issued directly from Valerie Jarrett.

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  5. President Obama’s latest Executive Order…
    really surprised him when he heard it on the news. He will come up with an opinion on it later.

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  6. I have just dissolved the Imperial Senate; they will no longer be of any concern to us. The last remnants of the Old Republic have been swept away forever.

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  7. He has a wife, you know. You know what she’s called? She’s called… ‘Incontinentia’… Incontinentia Buttocks

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  8. …a side of fries with the dog

    …is probably unconstitutional

    …will be frowned upon only because he’s black

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  9. President Obama’s latest Executive Order…

    banned the us of KY Jelly with all future Executive Orders.

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  10. …mandated a “Hrrruupph” from everyone in the room whenever the president finishes a sentence.

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  11. …was actually conceived by Eric Holder: a.k.a. the H.R. Holderman of this administration.

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  12. Grants himself the power to amend the Constitution. Which he will ignore… and will just continue doing whatever he wants to do, whenever he wants to do it.

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  13. . . . was for chicken poodle soup

    . . . was that he be allowed to use the women’s tees

    . . . was that his subjects avert their eyes when he passes

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