Straight Line of the Day: The First Thing Obama Did After Getting Back from Vacation…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

The first thing Obama did after getting back from vacation…

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  1. …was to peruse the latest list of Executive Orders his staff came up with, because right after a vacation no one wants to do anything strenuous (like working on pushing actual legislation) when the Auto-pen can take care of it, no muss, no fuss.

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  2. …memoed himself: Flowers for Reggie. For God’s sake send the dresses to the dry cleaners. Pay the dog fattener.

    …invited Darren Wilson and Tony Stewart over for a sprint car race in the Oval Office.

    …lamented: I coulda been a contendah. I coulda been Al Sharpton. Got his bartender out of bed to start mixing appletinis.

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  3. … took off for North Carolina for a confab with Kay Hagen (you don’t actually believe these two know a damn thing about Veterans, do ya?), because being in that Oval Office and actually working is HARD!

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  4. …was to push through his mandate to give a half a million “undocumented” aliens immediate U.S. citizenship, because he was forced to pay the servants on Martha’s Vineyard “under the table”, as the owner of the enormous compound he “rented” does.

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  5. …Was to attend the stag party of a former White House chef—Oh no, wait….My bad, that was why he flew home (at great expense to the taxpayers) so that it would LOOK like he was trying to handle any one of the many crisis situations.

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  6. …Saw the world burning, turned to Joe and said, “Eff it dude, let’s go bowling.”

    …got back to tackling that danged Rubik’s Cube he got in 1980

    …stampeded cattle through the Vatican.

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  7. …was to make an appointment with a proctologist to remove the MSM’s collective lips.

    …was to lock himself in the war room with a few bottles of wine and watch all the stuff he recorded on TiVo.

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