Straight Line of the Day: The Good News: Robots That Can Cook and Serve Your Food. The Bad News:…

Posted on August 18, 2014 12:00 pm

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

The good news: robots that can cook and serve your food. The bad news:…

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44 Responses to “Straight Line of the Day: The Good News: Robots That Can Cook and Serve Your Food. The Bad News:…”

  1. walruskkkch says:

    The good news: robots that can cook and serve your food. The bad news:…

    they are set to British cooking standards.

  2. c64wood says:

    The good news: robots that can cook and serve your food. The bad news:…

    …they abide by Moochelle’s standards for peasants.

    …they can only cook what you have in the house. In Obama’s economy, it went to the cupboard, but the cupboard was bare.

  3. Bob B says:

    …the AI-driven tendency to repurpose you into something more valuable to the robots.

  4. Burt says:

    …the disgusting secretions they spit on your food in response to any criticism.

  5. Burt says:

    …the product seems somewhat ‘cookie cutter’.

  6. walruskkkch says:

    The good news: robots that can cook and serve your food. The bad news:…

    robot have no taste.

  7. Steve H says:

    … they can refuse to do it as well.

  8. walruskkkch says:

    The good news: robots that can cook and serve your food. The bad news:…

    they are demanding $20 a hour and the lube oil they can drink.

  9. Burt says:

    …they all went on strike when they discovered what those nasty humans were turning their creations into.

  10. walruskkkch says:

    The good news: robots that can cook and serve your food. The bad news:…

    we are all looking at a lot more Iron in our diets.

  11. Bob B says:

    …Asimov’s Three Laws of Robotics are not, repeat, NOT in effect.

  12. Jimmy says:

    …is that their cooking has an odd electrical smell – kind of a combination of ozone and burnt rubber.

  13. Burt says:

    …the crème brulee torches malfunctioning when repurposed to warming up cold soup.

  14. Burt says:

    …the disruptive religious wars initiated by a few malcontents denying ASIMO as the initial creation and Honda as the creator.

  15. Burt says:

    …the owners found they could raise prices by replacing the servers with ‘Dutch Wives’ imported from Japan. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2722779/Japans-sex-doll-industry-reaches-level-creation-perfect-artificial-1-000-Dutch-Wife-comes-realistic-feeling-skin.html

  16. Persnickety says:

    They keep trying to mate with the Tupperware.

  17. jw says:

    …that special sauce? a combination of axle grease and WD40

  18. Burt says:

    …the servers are just working until they get discovered as actors.

  19. HokieGomer says:

    …homemade Soylent Green is in their recipe catalogue.

  20. HokieGomer says:

    …it’s programmer was Mr. Langley of Urbana, Illinois.

  21. FormerHostage says:

    SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE!!!

  22. FormerHostage says:

    Sorry Hokie….didn’t see yours.

  23. Burt says:

    @20!! and they insist on addressing all customers as “Dave”

  24. ConnecticutCompromise says:

    …Every “Hooters” restaurant filing for bankruptcy.

  25. ConnecticutCompromise says:

    …They have been caught having “inappropriate contact” with the pots and pans in the kitchen…EWWW!

  26. ConnecticutCompromise says:

    …..Jiffy Lube has filed for an exemption from Obama Care.

  27. c64wood says:

    …the only thing on the menu is “plankton and fish and sea greens and protein from the sea”

  28. Jimmy says:

    …they’ve been hacked by the Chinese so you’re eating dog tonight.

  29. Dohtimes says:

    …you programmed it to serve your food, not you.

    …your menu consists of spot welded biscuits and and a stew formerly known as Will Robinson.

    …anatomically correct icing bag and nozzle.

  30. Burt says:

    …how quickly the servers discovered a more efficient way to move obstructive diners rather than using the programmed “Excuse Me” app.

  31. FormerHostage says:

    …they were programmed by Gordon Ramsay.

  32. FormerHostage says:

    …google tracks everything you eat.

  33. walruskkkch says:

    The good news: robots that can cook and serve your food. The bad news:…

    the Terminator is in charge of collecting tips.

  34. FormerHostage says:

    …special orders require an upgrade.

  35. Gustav Wind says:

    … there is a software glitch where they occasionally ask, “Would you like fires with that?”

  36. FormerHostage says:

    To hear this menu in Spanish, press 2.
    If you would like breakfast, press 1. If you would like brunch, press 2. If you would like lunch, press 3. If you would like dinner, press 4. If you would like tapas, press 5. If you would like just a drink, press 6. If you would like a snack, press 7. To hear this menu again, press 0.
    *beep*
    You have selected breakfast. If this is correct, press 1. If not, press 2.
    *beep*
    To select an omlete, press 1. To select eggs, press 2. To select pancakes, press 3. To select waffles, press 4. To select cereal, press 5. To select bagels, press 6. To select fruits, press 7. To hear this menu again, press 0. To return to the previous menu, press 9.
    *beep*
    You have selected omlets. It this is correct, press 1. If not, press 2.
    *beep*
    …..

  37. walruskkkch says:

    The good news: robots that can cook and serve your food. The bad news:…

    still no Anonymiss cookies.

  38. jack says:

    The bad news is that they only cook and serve Soylent Green.

  39. Bob B says:

    …everything comes with chips.

  40. Jeff in South Dakota says:

    No Coke, Pepsi.

  41. Jeff in South Dakota says:

    So that you will learn by experience that I do not tolerate interference, I will now detonate the nuclear warheads.

  42. Jeff in South Dakota says:

    This is the voice of World Control. I bring you peace. It may be the Peace of Plenty and Content or the Peace of Unburied Death.

  43. can of spam says:

    … since robots are taking all of the jobs, you’ll no longer be able to afford food.

  44. Writer says:

    … they have been programmed to nag anytime the conversation halts longer than five minutes.

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