*takes a sample at Costco* And what is this fine confection? "Or-e-o," you say? Delightful, I'll take an even dozen!
— Gulo gulo gulo (@Howiesbookclub) August 22, 2014
How much for this talking dragon? "That's my toddler." Hmm sounds expensive. When do its talons develop? I have a moat to defend.
— Carly Danger (@carlyken) August 23, 2014
"I left your tuxedo in your closet, Mr. Phoenix" "My what closet?" *butler sighs, completely tired of living* "Your Joaquin closet, sir"
— THE NATEWOLF (@thenatewolf) August 23, 2014
Interviewer:it says here on your resume that you don't have a ponytail Me: yes it does Interviewer: but you do have a ponytail Me: yes I do
— slick (@fanofhell) August 24, 2014
Sorry, Babe, it's over. *I get on my motorcycle but I can't get it to start so I use my feet to scoot away*
— THE NATEWOLF (@thenatewolf) August 24, 2014
The safest place to be during an earthquake is inside a shark's mouth.
— Shari VanderWerf (@shariv67) August 24, 2014