The Illustrated Frank J: Gary Johnson Demands a Recount!

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The Anti-Gay Wedding Planner

(NOTE: Contains some censored adult content)

[Anti-Gay Wedding Planner (Parody) | We the Internet TV] (Viewer #6,622)

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Unless You’re Follicly-Challenged

Michelle Obama said that Americans have “no hope” after Trump was elected.

Or at least no more of that idiot from the “hope” poster.

Anyway, we’ve got something better than hope:

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Yup… I Just Read That In Bruce Campbell’s Voice

[High Praise! to Freedom Is Just Another Word]

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Link of the Day: Why “Baby It’s Cold Outside” Doesn’t Need a Consent Form

Some idiots rewrote “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” to make it sound more “consenting“.

A commenter (Da Blasian Santa) explained at length why it already contains all the consent it needs. (note: direct comment link may be slow to load – wait for it)

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

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I Think Obi-Wan’s Description of Mos Eisley Would Be Appropriate Here

President Obama will host a goodbye party for close friends and major donors at the White House this Friday.

I feel selfish, but I can’t help hoping it ends in hundreds of warrants and handcuffs.

[title reference link]

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Obama Releases Gitmo Detainees to Post-Presidency Mansion

Instead of being locked inside, misbehaving "guests" will be locked outside and left to fend for themselves "Purge" style.

Instead of being locked inside, misbehaving “guests” will be locked outside and left to fend for themselves “Purge” style.

WASHINGTON (AP) – In a last ditch effort to keep (after a fashion) his original campaign promise to empty the Guantanamo Bay Detention Facility in his first year, President Obama announced he will release the last of the Gitmo detainees to the grounds of the DC-area mansion where Obama plans to spend his post-presidential years with his family.

“My Republican critics,” said President Obama, “have been saying for years how ‘dangerous’ it was to release Gitmo detainees despite their very low 25% recidivism rate, completely ignoring that it means that 75% have NOT returned to blowing up innocent civilians. 75% is a huge number. Nearly Hillary’s popular vote total. I like those odds.”

“So I’m willing to put my money where my mouth is and share a safe space with the remaining Gitmo residents,” Obama continued, “transferring them to my humble bungalow/mansion. Together, we can create a world where nobody condemns your for your religion or questionable birth documentation.”

“But best of all,” Obama said cheerily, “this new environment will be a complete break from the horror of their current damned existence where they are surrounded by uniformed Americans wielding weapons of war while holding them captive behind barbed-wire fences. In our new home, they will be free – with the permission of defensively-armed Secret Service agents, all wearing suits, ties, and sunglasses – to roam anywhere within the fortified brick walls of the estate.”

New transferee Muhammed al Muhammed said he expects it to be the perfect chance to rehabilitate himself, post-incarceration.

“I’m hope to learn clock-making,” he said.

Soon-to-be-former First Lady Michelle Obama said Muhammed and his friends shouldn’t get their hopes up.

“Nuh uh. Get into my garden and start pulling weeds like a 4th grader.”

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Straight Line of the Day: Chrysler’s Latest Car Comes With an Unbelievable New Feature…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

Chrysler’s latest car comes with an unbelievable new feature

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You Don’t Replace Something That Shouldn’t Have Been Placed

Nancy Pelosi said that Republicans’ plan to repeal Obamacare and not replace it with anything was “and act of cowardice”.

Yes, much like when cowardly doctors replace your cancer with nothing at all.

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Cartoon of the Day – Hold

20170104scottstantis
[Scott Stantis – GoComics]

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