Straight Line of the Day: Chrysler’s Latest Car Comes With an Unbelievable New Feature…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

Chrysler’s latest car comes with an unbelievable new feature

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  1. a Samsung Galaxy Note 7 combustion engine (assembled with Samsung washers).

    Walrus Winchell wipers.

    Automatic theft detection system that informs thieves (in a Darth Vader voice) “This is not your father’s Chrysler.”

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  2. Chrysler’s latest car comes with an unbelievable new feature…

    CDs of Lee Iacocca’s greatest speeches

    Dual trunk monkeys

    A gadget to auto-recycle the leaking oil back into the reservoir

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  3. …for recent muslim immigrant men, in emergencies it’s steering wheel deploys an inflatable doll.

    …when it sees a Trump bumper sticker it shifts into road rage gear.

    …no tinted windows but the Chrysler Le Drug Baron has a hoodie.

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  4. An electronic bumper sticker that changes its political message depending on how many Whole Foods, payday lenders, or gun stores there are in a neighborhood.

    Disables internet access to Kelly Blue Book and Consumer Reports.

    Complete immunity (and rewards) if your 2017 model destroys a Legacy, wipes out a 4Runner, embarrasses Challengers, passes Civics, eliminates Fiestas, puts Cherokees to the test, or outcompetes Outlanders. Or just wrecks a damn Prius.

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  5. Chrysler’s latest car comes with an unbelievable new feature…

    An owner’s manual whose first page brags about how no Chrysler has ever been used on “Bait Car”

    A rewards program based on roadside assistance visits

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  6. Chrysler’s latest car comes with an unbelievable new feature…

    …a passenger hologram of Ricardo Montalbán talking about the cars “rich, thickly-cushioned luxury seats in soft Corinthian leather”.

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