The Illustrated Frank J: Not a Skill That Looks Good on a Resume


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Don’t Call SMOD, We’ll Call You

Astronomers report that there’s a very large asteroid flying very close to the earth.

Thanks but we don’t need you. Hillary lost.

[title reference link]

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Liberals Finally Get Their Own Flag

[High Praise! to The People’s Cube]

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Link of the Day: Millions Dead After GOP Repeals and Replaces Obamacare with VA System

[High Praise! to DuffelBlog]

Millions dead after GOP repeals and replaces Obamacare with VA system

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

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Johnny Appleseed Meets “28 Days Later”

In a bio-engineering first, genetically-modified apples will go on sale in the USA.

Great plan. Has NOBODY seen “Attack of the Killer Tomatoes!“?

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On the Decommissioning of the USS Enterprise (CVN 65)

I’ve had a couple people (Jimmy and James) bring to my attention that the aircraft carrier USS Enterprise (CVN 65) was decommissioned on February 3rd, 2017.

While I was attending Naval Nuclear Power School in 1987 (then located in Orlando, FL), I was given the opportunity to put in my request for what ship I wanted to go to when I completed my prototype training in about 7 months. Someone said the Enterprise would be going in for a refueling soon, so if you asked for it, you would get it.

I’d been watching Star Trek since I was 5. Of course I wanted the Enterprise.

So I asked for it. And I got it.

Reported aboard in October of ’87. Stepped off her for the last time in November of ’91

Living in a floating iron box is mostly a series of bad smells and lifestyle inconveniences. I’m an honest man, so I’ll say that any pleasant memories I had of the experience are probably corrupted by time and nostalgia.


I can never forget the color of the Pacific Ocean when it’s 1000 miles to the nearest land, not counting the muddy bottom that’s 3 miles below your feet.

It’s an inky indigo color. Nearly black, but unquestionably a shade of blue. I wish I could show it to you, but film (digital or analog) can never capture it. Never do it justice.

That color seeps into your soul. You can’t unsee it. It’s the reason some men chose to spend their lives sailing on wooden ships.

It haunts you forever, and sometimes it calls to you in whispers.

I can’t go back again. The military is a young man’s calling. But I’ll always be grateful to the Enterprise for taking the naive Wisconsin boy I was and turning him into the man of discipline and honor I am today.

She will be missed.

And bless CVN-80 for carrying on her good name.

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Straight Line of the Day: Weird… Apple’s New Headquarters Building Is Shaped Like…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

Weird… Apple’s new headquarters building is shaped like…

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This Did Not End Well for the Last Folks Who Tried This

A new poll shows that 1 in 3 Californians now support secession.

Yet, oddly, not a single liberal has accused them of wanting to turn back the clock to the days of slavery.

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Random Thoughts: Anti-Fascists and DeVos

This is the biggest Constitutional crisis since Joe Biden went to the National Archive and got ketchup on it.

Did they at least give Merrick Garland “Supreme Court: The Home Game”?

Remember that Twilight Zone episode where a guy went on Twitter one morning and no one was freaking out about anything political? Creepy.

Despite liking his Supreme Court nominee, #NeverTrump will continue not to vote for Trump over the next few years.

Some good questions for a Supreme Court nominee:
“Have you read the Constitution?”
“What’s it say?”
“Am I mentioned in it?”

Feels like it’s been hours since Trump last said something newsworthy.

Remember when Trump was elected president? That was weird.

What if partisanship got so bad that Congress constantly broke out in fistfights? That would be awesome.

Why do we still have a government? It’s stupid and annoying. Get rid of it. If we have any big problems, I’m sure Google will do something about it.

How do you tell the good fascism from the bad fascism?

When you really disagree with someone, you use violence. That’s called a war. They make the best documentaries on The History Channel.

Fight fire with fire. Fight fascism with fascism. And also fire.

The best way to deal with provocateurs is to get all provoked. I learned that in college.

Not so much anti-fascists as a competing team.

One of the best defenses to fascism is to wear a hat. Cold ears are extra susceptible to fascism.

Punch a fascist if you see one. They are easy to identify as they are large and hairy, live in caves, and hibernate during the winter.

Well, that was weird. What’s it mean when the groundhog gets in a rocket ship and leaves the planet?

If you think you see fascism, blow into the whistle and wait for someone responsible to come handle it.

I’m glad we got the “resist” movement. It’s good to see people yell a lot about people they disagree with. This is a big change.

The optimism of youth: If you asked me as a kid what our main problems would be in 2017, I would have guessed “space pirates.”

“Frederick Douglass, great guy. Did a lot of cool things. If you’re here, Freddie, stand up. Are you here? I don’t think he’s here.”

“So which do you want: right-wing fascism or left-wing fascism?”
“But I don’t like fascism.”

“Trump is horrible. I can’t imagine anyone worse!”
looks at American left encouraging violence
“Oh yeah.”

The most import thing you’ll need in resisting fascism is an over-inflated sense of self-importance.

I guess if the left want to do an armed uprising against Trump they can ask the right if they can borrow some of their guns.

Don’t worry; the angry people using violence against those they disagree with are really really sure their views are the right ones.

I stopped following Donald Trump on Twitter because he got too political.

The protesters are getting violent because they’re afraid things are getting like 1984 when they’d rather emulate Animal Farm.

Don’t worry; the violent mob will use rigorous standards in determining who is and who isn’t a Nazi.

Most of politics now is just a fight over which large group of people get written off and their concerns ignored.

The best defenses against fascism are eternal vigilance and giant robots with guns for arms.

I’m tired of seeing so many fascists on Twitter with their mealy-mouthed defenses of political violence. Wait, those are the anti-fascists.

My 3yo never gets my In Living Color references.

New game coming out called “Constitutional Crysis” where you use your nanosuit to battle bureaucrats.

One of the clowns hit another clown in the face with a cream pie. This could cause the public to lose respect for the clown show.

“I can’t believe you called our ‘Muslim Ban for the Purpose of Banning Muslims’ a ban on Muslims.”

I thought Powerless was cute. Most clever thing in it, though, was the opening sequence.

I’ll never forget the sad look on Al Gore’s face when we banished him to the moon for his failure.
He settled on the dark side. We can’t see what he’s up to. I bet he’s plotting something.

It’s good to know we’re winning the fight against climate stasis.

I’m pretty busy, so I’m going ahead and pre-condemning whatever Trump says today.

Some of the SNL Spicer skit was funny. A lot of it was lazy “briefly reference things you may have heard of.” Whole DeVos segment was that.
Really liked “I want to apologize… on behalf… of you… to me. Apology not accepted!”

VILLAIN FROM PRETTY MUCH EVERY MOVIE: “You see; we’re not so different, you and I.”
TRUMP: “You make a good point.”

The Atlanta Falcons are going to go hike in the woods with Hillary.

Just because an internet troll controls the world’s largest nuclear arsenal doesn’t mean you should pay him the attention he craves.

So is he Putin’s puppet or Bannon’s puppet? Or is Putin working for Bannon?

I think I figured it out. Trump is a figment of the left’s imagination and a dark reflection of their own id.
No, wait. That doesn’t work. We’ve seen Trump interact with other characters. Unless this is a Tyler Durden thing.
The press is definitely an unreliable narrator.

Either this country is near the brink of destruction or we’ve gotten a lot lot whinier. Eh, could be both.

The snowspeeder is by far the best vehicle from Star Wars. Don’t AT-AT me.

For how much longer are we going to pretend the education secretary is really important?

So is President Trump going to do something about Nintendo constantly not meeting hardware demands or is he just useless?
“Make America Great Again” my ass. I want an NES Classic!

The focus of our education system is the transfer of tax dollars between politicians and unions. Educating children is its waste product.

Everyone has been freaking out about it, but show me a better way to handle underperforming teachers than Betty DeVos’s torture dungeons.

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