Press Unable to Explain Why Trump Coverage Is 12% Positive

"As this chart clearly shows, I could hand out hundred dollar bills will kissing a baby and shooting a terrorist, and I'd STILL never hit 12%."

As this chart clearly shows, I could hand out hundred dollar bills while kissing a baby and shooting a terrorist, and I’d STILL never hit 12%.

WASHINGTON D.C. (AP) – American media outlets say they are completely at a loss to explain the results of a new study which shows that coverage of President Trump’s administration has been 88% negative.

MSNBC’s Chris Matthews was “shocked” by the report, saying “those numbers must be fake news because they don’t make any sense”.

“The nicest thing I’ve said about Trump in the last 6 weeks is that he’s done more than anyone save General Jack D. Ripper to bring about a global nuclear apocalypse. I hope that wasn’t counted toward the 12%.”

CNN’s Wolf Blitzer was equally taken aback. “We’ve provided more even-handed coverage of Trump than we have of any other story. We spend equal time reporting stories about him regardless of whether they are unflattering or extremely unflattering. Granted, it’s mostly the latter, yet I’d never go so far as to call our pieces ‘positive’. I question the methodology on this study. And the timing. And its vulnerability to Hillary-hating hackers who have impurified the precious bodily fluids of Jeff Sessions. The 12% must be fake news from Fox”

Fox News’s Tucker Carlson denied the accusation.

“Wasn’t us,” Carlson said. “Mostly here at Fox we just report on how the froth-mouthed liberals are spewing Trump-Hitler this, and racist-oppression that, and trying to say any uptick in the stock market is the result of Obama’s policies finally working because Republicans aren’t opposing him anymore. You know… goofy stuff like that. We put a laugh-track behind it and BOOM! We’re pulling 12.9 on the Nielsens because this hyperventilating hyperbole is comedy gold. But I don’t think that’s technically ‘positive’ reporting. If cheesy laugh tracks made things factual, ‘The Big Bang Theory‘ would get a Nobel Prize in physics.”

While nobody admitted to being responsible for the 12% positive Trump coverage, leaving the mystery unsolved, Google announced that Twitter is now considered a “news source”, with 12% of the traffic it generates originating from @realDonaldTrump.

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  1. Pingback: IMAO Has The Perfect Take On The Media’s Coverage | Tai-Chi Policy

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