This Is Why I Don’t Date. Also Because I’m Married

[High Praise! to Freedom Is Just Another Word]

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  1. I was thinking of some other replies to:

    “I’m a socialist.”

    “Oh, you poor girl.”
    “Who’s your favorite: Hitler, Stalin or Mao Tse-Tung?”
    “Not much of a student of history, eh?”
    “Were you dropped on your head as a baby?”
    “Are there more like you at home or are you the only one?”
    “Have you döuched today, because, damn…”


  2. “I’m a socialist.”
    1) Don’t give up hope, they can cure so many more things than they used to.
    2) Socialist or socialite?
    3) I thought I heard your head rattle, but it couldn’t have since there is clearly nothing inside it to rattle.
    4) The seventies are calling, they want their stinking, hippy, Marxist, adolescent pipe dreams back.
    5) And I’m a realist, proving the axiom that everything has an equal opposite. Prepare to disappear in a puff of energy and gamma rays, antiparticle!

    sigh…Would it be wrong to bludgeon such people with hardback copies of Das Kapital or would the complete, unabridged set of the minutes of the USSR Central Committee be more appropriate? Emily Post is curiously silent on the subject.



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