Random Thoughts: God and Taxes

How much brain-eating partisanship do you have to be infected with to care about this CFPB stuff?

It’s theoretically possible to have extreme political views and not be an asshole.

Democrats taking a strong stand on Conyers and Franken could lead to getting rid of Trump, but morals for politicians is just for campaign speeches — its not an actual thing that influences your actions.

Remember when the NYTs decided that an extremely tiresome editorial about “assault weapons” that added nothing to the debate was important enough to put on their front page?
These guys like to pretend they’re influential when all they’re doing is preaching to a shrinking choir.

At some point, those of us who never thought to drop our pants in front of random women are going to start to feel like the weirdos.

It’s weird seeing how in other countries Netflix has lots of network American shows listed as Netflix Originals. You’d didn’t make The Good Place, you liar!

Regardless of how you vote, I think it’s fair to say that if you were at any time a Roy Moore supporter, you should feel really bad about yourself or you’re a partisan sociopath.
Politics has been overtaken by people who don’t actually care about anything other than the fight.

I think society is finally putting out a strong statement that sexual assault will not be tolerated from anyone who isn’t an elected official.

If you’re not going to do anything about Franken, shut up about Roy Moore. No one needs your nuanced take on sexual assault.

I was considering sexually harassing some women in the future — it sounded like a fun activity — but now I’m thinking that’s a bad idea. Going to take up woodworking instead.

The left screeching about the GOP tax bill means absolutely nothing because they would screech about it no matter what. But imagine if they were all “This is a GREAT tax bill!” That would creep me the hell out; it would be like the Twilight Zone.

I’m so convinced that everyone on both sides talking about the tax bill are being completely dishonest that I’m almost sure the bill doesn’t even exist.

“This tax bill will raise the deficit, starve millions of poor people, and resurrect Hitler as an unstoppable werewolf.”
“Okay, but let’s get to the nitty-gritty: Exactly how much will my tax bill be lowered?”

Oh no! They’re taxing overwrought political rhetoric no one takes seriously! Millions will die!

America is a country of about 400 million spoiled rich kids and I’m sick of all your whining.

It’s the contention of the ones constantly spewing hate and bile that they care more about people.

kneeling in front of a broken Statue of Liberty on the beach*
“You maniacs! You cut taxes too much! Ah, damn you! Damn you all to hell!”

What does the Bible say about taxes? I remember God warning Israel about having a king because the king would take their stuff and boss them around. Should have listened to Him.
My guess about taxes is that God would much rather us take care of each other voluntarily. There’s quite a bit in the Bible about that.
Anyway, I think it’s biblically accurate to say you should never get righteous about the money you demand at gunpoint.

I don’t know if this is a good tax bill. I also know you don’t know. But no one is going to let that get in the way of some good old fashioned partisan screeching.

I thought that Trump winning over Hillary might help end partisanship by showing how stupid it was to rally behind either terrible party, but partisanship has just got dumber to match Trump.
It’s as if the thinking is “Trump is so terrible, we can still beat him without moderating ourselves at all!” but that thinking is wrong. It is very very wrong.

If I had a billion dollars, I’d probably invest it. I think you could live a long while on a billion if you were careful with it.
And think if I had two billion dollars. That would be twice as good. I might buy a new car (even though economically it’s smarter to buy a two-year old used car).
Probably the worst thing about having a billion dollars is then Bernie Sanders would be on your lawn yelling, “You’re a bad man. You’re a bad man for having a billion dollars.” I’d spray him with a hose. Probably one with a fancy nozzle.

“Come at me, bro!” I taunt, knowing I can run very fast.

The tax bill seems kind of dumb, but all you left-wingers sound like Alex Jones when ranting about it.

Can’t believe all the people claiming the Bible demands a higher tax rate and that it definitively states that Die Hard is not a Christmas movie.

I don’t know if it’s relevant to taxation, but remember Jesus’s parable where the money is taken away from the guy with the least and given to the guy with the most because the guy with the least was an idiot?
Anyway, if you think the Bible clearly says “Take money away from the rich!” not so much. There are lots of warnings if you are rich (which, from a historical perspective, is everyone in this country) but I don’t think you’re supposed to worry about other people being rich.

“I AM THE LAW!!!” -Judge Dredd and Trump (probably)

I like when my wife makes the kids bacon and then they’re bad and don’t eat their bacon because then I have bacon sandwiches for lunch.
I don’t know how much bacon costs. I hope it’s cheap.

To solve the problem, have we tried locking the Capitol building and filling it with bees?
I don’t really understand what the problem is; I’m just wondering if we’ve tried bees.
Why are you staring at me? Okay, I’ll try explaining this slowly: BeeEEeeEEeeEEees

Got that fabled iPhone X. It says on the box “Examine your heart before you hold this phone, for whoever touches it and is unworthy will surely die.”
I haven’t touched it yet.

Our political parties are two giant turds and I don’t know why anyone wastes time arguing which one is more appetizing.

“What are you in for?”
“Manslaughter. How about you?”
“Rape. Sexual assault.”
-Senators conversing in the Capitol building

Our political parties are basically prison prison gangs—something that allows awful people to organize against each other.

What if we stuffed a large coat and pair of pants with rats so that it was vaguely human shape?
Just trying to help the RNC come up with a better candidate than Roy Moore.

If I were writing the Trump presidency, my ironic ending would be a nuclear war where the only survivor is Judge Neil Gorsuch.

Why are we talking about anything other than the tax bill that’s going to kill everybody?

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (3 votes, average: 3.33 out of 5)


  1. Alternate Title: “All Screechers Great and Small.”



    The only problem I can see is that the American public gets the role of being the big curious bear who tries to get at the honey.


  2. “How much brain-eating partisanship do you have to be infected with to care about this CFPB stuff?”

    Sorry, got to disagree a bit here.

    You know not caring works well for people who want to expand the government and intrude into your life and destroy the free market system. Remember, they will always have your best interests at heart so don’t bother paying attention.

    “Politics has been overtaken by people who don’t actually care about anything other than the fight.”

    A fight, which if lost, would render your principles null and void anyway. Sometimes you have to hold your nose and do what you would prefer you didn’t have to do. Or was the 2016 election not proof enough of that?


  3. “Just trying to help the RNC come up with a better candidate than Roy Moore.”

    The RNC didn’t choose Moore – voters did. If the RNC did get to choose all of the Republican candidates we’d only have senators like McCain, Collins, & Snow.


  4. “I like when my wife makes the kids bacon and then they’re bad and don’t eat their bacon because then I have bacon sandwiches for lunch.”

    It’s an ill wind that blows nobody no good no time.
    But not being a parent, I didn’t know kids were sometimes bad in the form of not eating their bacon.


  5. As a related aside I think how we choose Senators needs to be changed. We should go back to the State governments electing them rather than by popular vote. It would be along the lines of the Governor nominating someone for the seat and approval given by the state legislature in whatever fashion they devise. I would also create a recall provision where, if the state legislature petitions and the Governor approves, a sitting Senator can be replaced at any time during a 6 year term. While it removes direct control by the citizens of the state it would provide a means by which the citizenry, as represented by their legislature and Governor, a means to remove people no longer “fit” to serve like Al Franken and possibly Roy Moore [dependent upon the results of that election] This is much closer to what the Founders intended the Senate to be than what it has become since the process was changed about a 100 years ago.


  6. A better candidate than Roy Moore would be Al Franken because he’s a proven molester of women while the allegations against Moore are still unproven. Which brings to mind an essay I recently read……….We’ve learned so much about what women face in the last few weeks, and you liberal men should take this as an opportunity to change – specifically, out of your flapping bathrobes and into some Dockers. Groping, flashing, molesting shrubs – believe it or not, some women consider these things to be wrong. Crazy? Sure, but for now it’s no more monkey business as usual. As a noted Democrat, you need to maintain your political viability, and you can exploit the respect and concern for women you’ve always pretended to have to help you dodge responsibility for whatever you’ve already done!

    Hey, nobody gets into liberal politics because they actually believe this stuff! Being a Democrat leader has always been a traditional path to making special new friends for guys who can’t cut it on looks and personality. Face it – no one ever said, “You know who’s hot? Al Franken. I bet he can bench his body weight.” If Harvey Weinstein had managed a Safeway, America’s starlets and ferns would be substantially less traumatized.Having needs is nothing to be ashamed of. You’ve taken on an awesome responsibility being a Democrat leader – you’re constantly struggling to hold up the burden imposed upon you by the support and acclaim of the D.C. establishment and the media. You have a right to extracurricular activities; why, liberal women will tell you themselves that the mere fact that you are quite willing to kill babies by the millions entitles you to all sorts of fringe benefits!

    But hey, there are a lot of uptight people out there whose bourgeois notions of “right” and “wrong” really don’t account for the unique pressures and special requirements you face as a liberal icon lookin’ for some lovin’. So, you need to take precautions to ensure that people don’t get the right idea about what you are doing.

    Wrong idea. I mean, wrong idea.

    First, you’ll want to exclusively seek out liberal women. Don’t make Bill Clinton’s mistake and target women who aren’t reliable progressives. Pinko gals generally know how to play ball and won’t start some sort of fuss that will end up derailing your really important work towards the Democrat Party’s ultimate goal of turning America into Venezuela II: The Starvening.

    And be considerate! Don’t just tell her, “You’d better put some ice on that.” Show her you care. Go and get her some ice yourself – see, it’s the little things that make the difference between silent suffering and embarrassing revelations.

    And while youth correlates with vulnerability, be sure to check their IDs. You don’t want a Roy Moore problem – though the fact you are a Democrat pretty much means you’re probably not going to regardless. Of course, this advice doesn’t apply if you are visiting, say, the Dominican Republic.

    Now, it’s pretty clear that because you are a powerful liberal every woman wants you grabbing at her, but you can’t indulge them all. Remember, there is always the danger that some ungrateful woman might raise a fuss no matter how much she asks for it by posing in a photo next to you, or by sleeping peacefully nearby.

    Here’s a helpful hint: Make sure your posse understands your firm “No photos” rule. And yes, it does apply when it comes to pics of your pride and joy. It’s clear that many women are just begging you to text them shots of the Junior Senator even if they don’t actually say it, or hint at it, or want it. It’s harsh, but for the foreseeable future, you must deny the women of America these glorious snapshots of your majestic manly vistas. Be strong. No matter how they subtly signal you that they want some sexy snaps, whether by briefly speaking politely to you or by existing, you must say, “No.” But if you do say, “Yes,” try to take them from a flattering angle with some good lighting. If they end up out there in the web, you’ll want to look your best.

    And there are more sacrifices you’ll need to make in this crazy environment. For example, do not invite female staffers to your office for a late night meeting and show up wearing only your underwear. Sure, comfort is important, and D.C. can get really humid, but they might get the wrong idea by your attempt to put them at ease. Also, they may be overcome by lust at your tighty-whitey’d rockin’ bod, and that can cause jealousy between them and the other members of your staff who are likewise filled with desire for you. It’s a burden, but take the risk of chafing and wear pants – for their sake.

    Now, there may to be some ungrateful ladies who make some allegations about you for whatever reason, most likely their participation in the vast right wing conspiracy. This puts you in a tough place because you have to balance the liberal principle of believing the victim with the liberal principle of liberals not being held accountable for the terrible things they do.

    Just take a deep breath – it’s going to be okay, because you’re a Democrat. The media and Hollywood are going nuts, but if you’re a Democrat in Congress, you’re good. Hell, Teddy Kennedy drowned a chick and they pretty much gave him a medal. You didn’t drown a chick, did you? If you did, maybe you should talk to a lawyer about pleading self-defense.

    Anyway, you will notice that one allegation inevitably leads to another, and then another. Turn this to your advantage by hinting that the sheer number of charges just means you’re a total player! When responding to the charges, make sure your statement doesn’t actually admit any wrongdoing. Instead, you’ll want to describe how you are “friendly” and “a hugger,” and how you are sorry these misguided women took offense by misinterpreting your innocent gestures of support for them in their struggle against patriarchy. Your message is that your accusers are all frosty nuts who can’t deal with a real man, or even a liberal one.

    Be sure to close out your non-apology apology by making sure your liberal pals know that you’re still an asset. You saw how they tossed Slick Willy under the bus when he and Felonia Milhous von Pantsuit stopped being useful. Subtly imply that these fussy women should have shut their kissin’ holes and took one for the team by reiterating your support for icing babies, and then throw in a shot at the NRA for good measure.

    Yeah, the last couple months have been stressful for liberal men in positions of power, but just remember – these things blow over. You’re a Democrat. The rules were never meant to apply to you, and pretty soon your fellow liberals will come back to their senses. Until then, tie your bathrobe shut and keep your hands to yourself. Sure, you’ll have to temporarily deny the women of America the gift that is you, but it’s a sacrifice they should be honored to make.


    • Senator Al Franken is clearly trying to save his job, but his answer to the various women who have accused him of sexual assault/harassment is sketchy … he says he just likes to hug a lot.
      Franken issued a statement on Thanksgiving Day, saying, “I’ve met tens of thousands of people and taken thousands of photographs, often in crowded and chaotic situations. I’m a warm person; I hug people. I’ve learned from recent stories that in some of those encounters, I crossed a line for some women — and I know that any number is too many.”


  7. “Probably the worst thing about having a billion dollars is then Bernie Sanders would be on your lawn yelling, “You’re a bad man. You’re a bad man for having a billion dollars.” I’d spray him with a hose. Probably one with a fancy nozzle.”

    If I had a billion dollars, my associate gardener for front lawn maintenance would spray Bernie with a hose. Or possibly, hold him down while I hit him with a water cannon.


  8. “Regardless of how you vote, I think it’s fair to say that if you were at any time a Roy Moore supporter, you should feel really bad about yourself or you’re a partisan sociopath.”

    Well, voting for someone and “supporting” them are not necessarily the same thing. If the only alternative were electing a Planned-Parenthood-funding Democrat, I’d vote for Moore even in the face of credible evidence that he had strangled one of those 14-year-old girls – that’s just one dead kid compared to millions. Partisan? Darn tootin’. Sociopath? No, that would be the baby-killers.


  9. Pingback: The Illustrated Frank J: Majorities Shift – IMAO

  10. Pingback: The Illustrated Frank J: You’d Never See It Coming – IMAO

  11. Pingback: The Illustrated Frank J: This Should Pay Off the Debt in a Couple Years – IMAO

  12. Pingback: The Illustrated Frank J: And Now the Democrat Response to the Republican Tax Bill – IMAO

  13. Pingback: The Illustrated Frank J: It’s a Type of Mushroom, Right? I Heard It’s Good With Arugula – IMAO

Leave a Reply