Straight Line of the Day: Forget Prince Charles. Britain Has Decided That When Queen Elizabeth Dies, the Next Ruler of England Will Be…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

Forget Prince Charles. Britain has decided that when Queen Elizabeth dies, the next ruler of England will be…

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  1. The committee’s still discussing… having a hard time getting approval…

    Stilton?

    Sorry.

    Gruyere? Emmental?

    No.

    Any Norwegian Jarlsberger, per chance?

    No.

    Liptauer?

    No.

    Lancashire?

    No.

    White Stilton?

    No.

    Danish Blue?

    No.

    Double Gloucester?

    (pause) No.

    Cheshire?

    No.

    Dorset Blue Vinney?

    No.

    Brie, Roquefort, Pont-l’Eveque, Port Salut, Savoyard, Saint-Paulin, Carre-de-L’Est, Boursin, Bresse Bleu, Perle de Champagne?

    No.

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  2. Britain has decided that when Queen Elizabeth dies, the next ruler of England will be…

    “… Ruler of who?”

    The Britons.

    “Who’re the ‘Britons’?”

    Well, we all are. We’re all Britons, and this will be your ruler.

    “Didn’t know we had a ruler. I thought we were an autonomous collective.”

    Dennis: You’re fooling yourself. We’re living in a dictatorship! A self-perpetuating autocracy, in which the working classes…

    “Oh, there you go, bringing class into it again.”

    Dennis: Well, that’s what it’s all about! If only people would–

    Please, please, good people, I am in haste.

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  3. … a man called Brian.

    Brian: I’m not the next ruler of England!! Will you please listen? I am not the ruler, do you understand? Honestly!

    Girl: Only the true ruler denies his annointing.

    Brian: What? Well, what sort of chance does that give me? All right! I am the next ruler of England!

    Followers: He is! He is the ruler!

    Brian: Now, #### off!

    [silence]

    Arthur: How shall we #### off, O Ruler?

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  4. Forget Prince Charles. Britain has decided that when Queen Elizabeth dies, the next ruler of England will be…

    “… up against it and the breaks are beating the boys, tell ’em to go out there with all they got and win just one for the Gipper. I don’t know where I’ll be then, Rock,” he said, “but I’ll know about it and I’ll be happy.”

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