Straight Line of the Day: In a New ACLU-Backed Lawsuit, a Man Is Claiming He Has a Constitutional Right to…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

In a new ACLU-backed lawsuit, a man is claiming he has a constitutional right to

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  1. trump his partner’s ace.

    marry his bicycle.

    self-identify as a hippogriff.

    move to San Francisco, where all three rights are recognized.

    marry a horse, dance with a mailman, and plagiarize lines like those from Woody Allen movies.

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  2. In a new ACLU-backed lawsuit, a man is claiming he has a constitutional right to…

    tug on Superman’s cape,
    spit into the wind,
    pull the mask off the Old Lone Ranger but…

    not mess around with “Jim”.

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  3. In a new ACLU-backed lawsuit, a man is claiming he has a constitutional right to…

    be never called wrong.

    only observe the rights the Constitution protects for others when he feels like it.

    play second base for the Cleveland [Soon to be changed] Indians.

    have at least three dates with Scarlett Johansson, and get to third base at least once.

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  4. In a new ACLU-backed lawsuit, a man is claiming he has a constitutional right to…

    whinge incessantly when his little feelings get all hurtsy by dose bad people doing stuff he doesn’t like and stuff.

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  5. In a new ACLU-backed lawsuit, a man is claiming he has a constitutional right to…

    file stupid lawsuits continually and waste a Courts time and the taxpayers money to stroke his own ego and to virtue signal all his homies back in the hood at Berkeley that he is seriously Woke M0F0!!!

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  6. . . . force every school district in the country to require kindergarten children to role-play as yellow-scaled wingless dragonkin and expansive ornate buildings (and, of course, to force Christian bakers to bake wedding cakes celebrating the marriage of one to the other).

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  7. … run for president without proving natural-born-citizen status, and to keep Confidential, Secret, and Top Secret information on an unsecure home server. I believe there is precedent.

    … own a home…. Unless the government wants to give the land to a higher taxpayer, even if nothing ever comes of the plan. The Supreme Court will provide the Keloborration. (Which is called a High Kelonic.)

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  8. …to free speech away from any college campuses.

    …the right to label someone a racist hate-monger who gives Obama the finger.

    …the right to say F U to Democrats, also known as Donald Trump’s Twitter account.

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