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Wisdom of the Day: Tanks Partisan Babies Urinals

Friday, August 15, 2014 5:00 pm

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Random Thoughts: Ferguson, Obama, and Iraq

Friday, August 15, 2014 9:00 am

Reminder: If you want the media’s help in holding your elected officials accountable, make sure they’re all Republican.

We need a militarized police to make sure everyone buys health insurance.

My twitter feed is primarily the right saying how awful police abuses are in Ferguson and the left saying the right are ignoring Ferguson.

You’ll never hear the right comment on things if you don’t actually know anyone on the right.

I don’t know why Pauline Kael got all that criticism; I don’t know anyone who voted for Nixon either. That was like a hundred years ago.

So has anyone in the media figured out how to blame the Ferguson on Republicans or are they still working on that?

Maybe the president is planning a short, honest speech. “I don’t really care about this.”

Anyone think of getting Obama a digital watch? Maybe he doesn’t know how to read an analog one and that’s why he’s always late.

This is big government. The whole point of big government is that it’s big and scary so you have to do what it says.

Liberty and distrust of big government is not just for white males.

I’m just happy when the president doesn’t make things worse.

I have to say, the Obama presidency has been very educational to a lot of different people in a lot of different ways.

The president is trying to lead by example. Everyone in Ferguson is supposed to drop everything and go golfing.

If you don’t hear the right talking about Ferguson, you really need to clean the epistemic closure out of your ears.

Progressive philosophy is forcefully take money and power from the people and throw it to the govt assuming only good people will catch it.

Will I ever stop feeling guilty about how in 2002 I went out and socialized on Friday nights instead of staying home watching Firefly?

Iraq has been consistently rated by US presidents as one of the top spots to invade.

“I promise that there will be no more boots-on-the-ground in Iraq. Wait… do uggs count?”

An important principle to always remember: The government only has the ability to give insofar as it has the ability to take.

Everyone in the police is out of control; CSIs are going to funerals and making quips about dead people they’re not even investigating.

The left’s belief that conservatives are motivated by racism is a religious tenet and thus there is no logically arguing against it.

There seems like a lot the left and the right can come together on about Ferguson. Maybe we should stop jabbing each other in the eye.

Eh. Probably not.

What’s happening in Ferguson is really making me question the wisdom of making a Robocop.

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Wisdom of the Day: Babes Mailman Move Water Madness Shirt Police Cops

Thursday, August 14, 2014 5:00 pm

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Random Thoughts: Hate, Magnets, and Obama

Thursday, August 14, 2014 9:00 am

Can’t all races just come together and hate hipsters or something?

I’m really rooting for Obama to turn things around and become a good president these last two year. It’ll make a great story.

We really should reexamine the idea of letting the government have access to guns.

Let’s not politicize the upcoming election.

I made an unfolded hyperpyramid out of my highly illegal magnet toys.

I have to keep resisting the urge to swallow the tiny, powerful magnets.

Well, I’m not racist, so this sorta sounds like everyone else’s problem.

Thought way to check if mute is on in a conference call is to shout profanities at whoever is speaking, but I guess others do it differently.

Everything a police officer does on duty should be videotaped. And everything a legislator does 24/7.

These police officers seem to have as good a grasp of what’s legal as Obama does of what’s Constitutional.

If we give the government all the guns, money, and power and elect lots of progressives, everything will be okay.

“I want all the worst aspects of George W. Bush, but in a different color.” -2008 voters

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Wisdom of the Day: High Azalea Bug Predecessors Change Racist Wallet Invisible Serum

Wednesday, August 13, 2014 5:00 pm

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Random Thoughts: The Police, Smarts, and Tiny People

Wednesday, August 13, 2014 9:00 am

If we don’t militarize the police, it won’t be able to stop people from using the wrong light bulbs or selling really large sodas.

For the last five years the country has been run by a guy who thought Joe Biden was smart.

How about instead of using tax dollars to make bicycle paths, we use the money toward getting all those poor people cars.

If Obama were in the Senate at the time, he would have voted for the Iraq War. The guy is no profile in courage.

Are there any stats on how foreign policy crises affect the president’s golf score?

It’s violently ripping apart a tiny human; the reasons for opposition to abortion aren’t exactly a mystery.

You can argue the violent ripping apart of the tiny human is justified, but don’t pretend it’s hard to understand why people don’t like that.

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Wisdom of the Day: Coke Opinion Superman Clown Beyond Civilization

Tuesday, August 12, 2014 5:00 pm

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Random Thoughts: Divided Country, Wolverine, and Robin Williams

Tuesday, August 12, 2014 9:00 am

In the Far East, they don’t have just Chinatowns but whole China-cities.

All animals other than humans are atheists. And they’re constantly killing each other and pooping on things.

Unless the two sides are actively shooting each other, the country has been more divided than it is today.

Can you imagine a violent conflict between the right and left in this country? Hard to imagine that lasting longer than a weekend.

I mean the right has all the guns and most of the military. Just seems like if that civil war ever started, be a predetermined end.

“Hey, 1980s called, and–”
“Wait, the call is coming from inside the house! Get out of there before Ayatollah Khomeini gets you!”

The craziest thing about homeschooling his how insanely angry and fearful some people get about it.

Obama isn’t that bad of president as long as you’re not just comparing him American presidents.

Better name for Wolverine: Cat-Weed. Because he has retractable claws like a cat and can regenerate from massive damage like a weed. Cat-Weed.

I’m one of those who found it fashionable to rag on Robin Williams’ comedy as of late, but he was the definition of funny when I was a kid.

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Wisdom of the Day: Bagel Glass Reverse ISIS

Monday, August 11, 2014 5:00 pm

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Random Thoughts: Iraq, the 80s, and Nixon

Monday, August 11, 2014 9:00 am

So is this a third Iraq war? Kind of a small country for us to have this many wars with it.

Why do the ninja turtles look like the Hulk with a shell strapped to his back?

I grew up in the 80s. Despite nuclear threats from the Soviet Union, we felt safe and secure because we had Mr. T.

Someone needs to explain to Square Enix optimal game pricing for iOS.

Breaking Bad is not overrated. The only way to overrate it is to actively worship it.

Does it make me a neocon that I want our military to murder the crap out of ISIS?

So is aioli just hipster mayo?

Are people who would drink from urinals really the ones we want to protect from harm? And what’s chance of literacy?

I don’t like imagining world peace because it disturbs me imagining killing that many people.

The difference between Obama and Nixon is that Nixon was occasionally competent.

“Hey, Jake, do remember how your girlfriend was shot by police in Chinatown yesterday?”
*sighs* “No. I had forgotten that.”
“Okay. Good.”

How often does rioting lead to good things?

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Wisdom of the Day: Drumming Waiter Money Spider

Friday, August 8, 2014 5:00 pm

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Random Thoughts: Power, Hamas, and Obamacare

Friday, August 8, 2014 9:00 am

“Half of politicians are idiots. Give them all less money and power.” -the right
“Half of politicians are evil idiots. Give them all more money and power.” -the left

Al Qaeda has distanced itself from Amash’s belligerent victory speech.

Since Vox is targeted at partisan left-wingers who aren’t too bright and need news explained to them, is main competition The Daily Show?

Carter wants the US to recognize Hamas? Don’t we already recognize them as a terrorist group?

You really start to notice the narrative flaws in Frozen on the 18th viewing.

Obamacare has increased mental health coverage, which is mainly used by people in HR who have to deal with Obamacare.

“I guess that’s poetic justice,” Robert Frost said, a smoking .44 magnum in his hand as Scorpio lay dead where two roads diverged in a wood.

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Wisdom of the Day: Pyramids Shushes Eyes Deer Butterfly Six-String

Wednesday, August 6, 2014 5:00 pm

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Random Thoughts: Null

Wednesday, August 6, 2014 9:00 am

I have no random thoughts. Perhaps it’s happened as I always feared: I’ve ran out of clever things to say for good. Every day I always think, “That’s the last clever thing I’ll ever come up with.” and maybe now it’s finally come true. If so, it’s been a good run. Well, it’s been an okay run.

It’s been a run.

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Wisdom of the Day: Dog Soldier Marriage Willis Girl

Tuesday, August 5, 2014 5:00 pm

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Random Thoughts: Humor, Racial Appeals, and Ebola

Tuesday, August 5, 2014 9:00 am

Conservative humor isn’t funny because we’re always picking on weaker, oppressed groups like the president and the government.

I’m awfully clever. I should probably mention that in my bio so people know.

The Republican Party doesn’t win whites by making racial appeals as much as the Democrats lose whites by making racial appeals.

Whites have a bad history with racial appeals.

If racism were to suddenly disappear tomorrow, it’s not the Republican Party that would be hurt.

It’s my job as a journalist to afflict the comfortable, which is why I’m always getting thrown out of the La-Z-Boy showroom.

It’s not my job as a journalist to report the facts. Or at least, I don’t do that. I might not be a journalist.

Always be suspicious if anyone you meet in real life as there are no blue check marks there.

I want to be lectured about science and rationality by people who honestly thought Occupy Wall Street was going to amount to something.

If you were ever an enthusiastic Obama supporter, you’ve given up pretending you care about evidence.

Obama 2009: “I promise that not every one in this country will die from Ebola.” All of his promises have an expiration date.

iPhones make it so much easier/ironic to complain to the world about capitalism.

It’s time to admit that the right and left are each right about some things, and moderates are right about nothing and are just annoying.

If there were people in Texas launching thousands of rockets at Mexico, we’d probably put a stop to that.

Summer Bank Holiday? So in UK, don’t even bother trying to justify a holiday? They just go, “Banks are closed!”

What’s so hard about working at a bank that they need all these holidays? If you need to blow off some steam, just roll around in the money.

If you don’t feel 100% today, it’s probably Ebola.

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Wisdom of the Day: Football Facebook Pandora Cowboy Bacon

Monday, August 4, 2014 5:00 pm

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Random Thoughts: NES, Hamas, and Equality

Monday, August 4, 2014 9:00 am

I grew up much tougher than kids these days. Ever seen how hard old NES games were?

Maybe the left could win the debate if they cried racism more.

Do you think anyone ever went to the Supreme Court and was disappointed a bunch judges came out to the bench instead of The Supremes?

So here’s the thing I don’t get about the Israel situation: Is it just unreasonable to expect Hamas to not mindlessly fire rockets?

People on Israel’s side expect adult behavior from both. People on Palestinian side seem to expect adult behavior from only one.

Is the pro-Palestinian side racist against the Palestinians and don’t think they can be held to the same standard as Israelis?

Don’t mindlessly fire rockets at people. And if someone near you is, put a stop to that. Is that too much to ask of fellow human beings?

So can we men explain to the female Justices what they don’t understand — like apparently the concept of rights?

I’m a man, and I’m up for some major splainin’!

Trailer for the latest Christopher Nolan movie doesn’t make it look very fun… but I thought that for last 3 of his movies which I loved.

The trailers always make his movies look so self-serious like they’re going to be really boring dramas.

TRAVEL GUIDE: “If going to the East, go to either the easternmost part of the East or the western part of the East. But stay out of middle.”

In the U.S., we’re used to the people who want to kill us living very far away. In Israel, they’re a stones throw away throwing stones.

Is equality a religious concept? Doesn’t seem to have rational basis as evolution has no interest in making everyone equal.

Equality seems to rely a lot on the concept of the soul – an eternal part of us that is equal despite outward, superficial differences.

Since the left believe in science, is there good example of them abandoning a belief and joining with the right because science said so?

It has to be tough for Obama being the first president ever to have to deal with an opposition party.

Did we check if Hamas even knows how to cease fire?

I hope when the next Game of Thrones book comes out it starts with a “previously on” section that reminds me what I read 20 years ago.

My computer caught eBola.

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Wisdom of the Day: Bus Sharknado Superman Bieber Rockets

Friday, August 1, 2014 5:00 pm

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Wisdom of the Day: Job Depends Celebrities Spider

Wednesday, July 30, 2014 5:00 pm

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