* So there was a Super Bowl over the weekend. I didn’t think the commercials were that great this year. There were only a handful I liked. Like the one with the dog in running shoes. What did you think?

And a Battleship movie? Come on.

As for the game, well I guess it was exciting that last minute or so.

That’s all I have to say about that.

* There was also the Nevada caucus Saturday which Mitt Romney won handily. That means… I dunno. I don’t think anything. This is all going to get dragged out until at least Super Tuesday which is March 6th. Then hopefully we’ll have a merciful end to all this.

* By the way, have you ever heard this story about Mitt Romney and the search for a business partner’s missing daughter? It certainly doesn’t make Romney or Bain Capital look that bad.

* We had good economic news, which is bad economic news so far as it means Obama has a better chance of reelection. Of course, it’s only good in relative to how bad things are (and the unemployment number is only good if you ignore how much smaller the workforce is that it used to be). Still, it’s inevitable the economy is going to rebound at some point no matter how much Obama worked against it; capitalism is just too strong. And when you get the bottom that low, a big boost is inevitable eventually.

Still, hope we can lose the dead weight of Obama in November, but I’m going to try getting into the 1% either way.

* As for another reason we need to get a different president, look how one of Obama’s favorite Justices tells Egypt that our Constitution isn’t a great model to follow and they should look to other countries. Of course, is it that big a surprise that liberal Justices don’t like our Constitution when they do everything they can to ignore its meaning?

Of course, maybe the reason Ginsburg thinks she doesn’t like the Constitution is that she’s never actually read it.

* Wisdom of the Day from James Taranto:

I’ve never seen the antiabortion side of the debate try to deny the other side’s existence the way the pro-abortion side does.

Isn’t the whole point of Komen not wanting to be associated with Planned Parenthood them putting women’s health before politics?

Liberals live in Bizarro world.

So Komen is literally trying to split the baby.

It is pretty Orwellian to claim not donating to Planned Parenthood is “being political.”

Why do abortion groups need donations? Isn’t abortion very profitable? That’s like donating to Philip Morris.

The Left: “We still won’t trust Komen enough to donate money to them until we see them publicly strangle a baby.”

Things may seem bad, but just remember that I’ll be old enough to run for president in 2016 so we only have to hold out until then.

Here’s video of little Buttercup singing.

So are the left admitting abortion is awful? Like if abortions were more than 3% of Planned Parenthood, then it would be a bad organization?

For some reason, when Planned Parenthood is mentioned I keep thinking of the underwear gnomes saying, “Abortions is big business!”

If you were making a new candy company, a good name would be Strangers. “You can trust candy from Strangers.”

Madonna is the halftime show? That’ll be huge for anyone who’s been in a coma since the 80s.

Is Madonna Lady Gaga’s grandmother?

Do you know that spousal abuse goes up i% during the Super Bowl?

I hear whichever team wins the Super Bowl gets ONE MILLION DOLLARS!

“He drove a Chevy Volt; he died in a fire long before the apocalypse.”

I give up. You can’t make fun of a movie based on the game Battleship. It is a punch line.

And why is Liam Neeson starring in it? Does he have tax problems?

Was a tattooed soccer player trying to sell me underwear during a football game?

Does the “bend it like Beckham” thing refer to his sexuality?

Why would I pay money for flowers when the phrase “Gimme some sugar, baby” achieves the same end?

The only thing funny about the Budweiser ads so far is that they think I want to drink something called Bud Light Platinum.

The Madonna halftime hasn’t been a complete disaster. I did get cute video of my 16 mo old daughter dancing.

Felt like that halftime show should have been accompanied by Harrison Ford warning us not to look at it.

Don’t tell Americans you want world peace. Tell the dumb, violent foreigners.

A show shouldn’t be called “Smash” unless it’s about the Incredible Hulk.

Hollywood, stop basing movies on board games and old toys and get us that Aquaman feature film.

It’s not Hollywood’s liberal bias so much these days as it is its crap bias.

The Super Bowl has been as good as it could be considering that Obama is still president.

I hope we get to see the new OT rules where the two quarterbacks play dodge ball.

HER: “You have something like photographic memory, right?”
ME: “Yeah, I forget what they called it.”

It’s always great to see really rich people succeed against marginal odds.

* I have a new New York Post column on how the Democratic Presidential Primary has yet to produce a serious candidate for president.

People were very excited about Obama when he first emerged on the scene in 2008, but as his campaign went on — and as he’s actually served as president — it’s become apparent to the general public that he’s simply not a serious candidate for the job.

* Can you believe all this Komen stuff? Komen wants to stick to just fighting breast cancer and thus doesn’t want to be involved in anything controversial like the abortion debate — which you think both sides would be okay with but the left are freaking out that Komen won’t give money to Planned Parenthood anymore. You have to look at this from the left’s side, though. They been supporting something horrific for so long, and they never want to confront that. Part of what helps them sleep at night is telling themselves that Planned Parenthood is an important women’s health organization and not instead some pro-abortion political organization that makes a lot of money tearing up the unborn. This whole Komen thing is making them confront that fiction, and thus you can understand their reaction. It’s freak out about this or contemplate the horror they’ve been supporting.

* Speaking of horrors, Donald Trump has come out in support of Mitt Romney. I think it was Romney’s line about not being concerned about the very poor that put him over the top. Other things Trump is not concerned with is realistic looking hair.

* Obama has started to use Jesus to try and justify his horrible policies, which seems pretty blasphemous. You know how the media freaks out about a coming theocracy if a Republican even mentions God, but Obama can claim that he did all his policies for religious reasons and the media won’t care? I think a big part of that is that when a liberal invokes God, no one really takes them seriously. Actually, I think half the time in Obama’s speech, he pronounced the Son of God’s name as “Jebus”.

* Wisdom of the Day from David Burge:

I support Susan G. Komen’s right to choose who to fund. #OurCheckbooksOurSelves

* In the interest of supporting the arts and interesting forms of capitalism, I should mention that you can now pay to appear in the Bearmageddon comic getting killed by a bear. So if you’ve always wanted to see what it would be like if you were killed by a bear plus be immortalized in the web comic and the eventually print version, here’s your chance. I have to say, it’s tempting.

* Still hard at work on my next book. It’s so awesome and I want to share it with all of you, but it will have to wait.

You can’t be constantly outrageous and a conservative, because eventually you’ll run out of ways to be outrageous from the right.

If you ever need a power rush, find the biggest celebrities and most powerful people on Twitter and block them from following you.

“Fighting cancer is important, so it’s best not to try and tie it to anything politically controversial.” -non-existent reasonable liberal

Abortion is one of those things so horrifying you have keep doubling down on it or risk looking back.

I always imagined that Planned Parenthood has a logo like the Ghostbusters, but with a baby in place of the ghost.

Who cares about Komen? Aren’t my tax dollars still going to Planned Parenthood?

Liberals give you no choice but to pay for Planned Parenthood and NPR, but they’re worried about Christians imposing their views on others?

Is there anything liberals scream about that isn’t pure projection?

“We want abortion to be safe, legal, and paid for by people who find it abhorrent.”

Obama: “Jesus told me to pursue these policies. Jesus is the one with the pitchfork, right?”

My 16 month old daughter is the greatest dancer I’ve ever seen.

* I have a new PJ Media column in which I outline my foolproof plan to end political animosity. Read it and bask in my genius.

* BTW, it was late notice so I didn’t mention it on my blog, but I was on Michael Graham’s radio show yesterday and it was lots of fun. If I can get some audio, I’ll put it up.

UPDATE: Here’s the audio.

* So, Ann Coulter sure has become a mindless Romney shill. She even has a column explaining how Romneycare is great and and mandated insurance is conservative. It was so well reasoned, it got her praise from David Frum.

Let this be a lesson to you: You can’t be constantly outrageous to get attention and be conservative. Conservatism is not outrageous, so eventually you’re going to run out of ways to be outrageous from the right and settle in on being outrageous to the right. Well, she’s sure getting attention again, so mission accomplished.

* Hey, they’re thinking of regulating sugar like they do alcohol and tobacco. Freedom is an okay idea, but it gets dangerous when freedom means people are allowed to make their own decision on what they eat and stuff. Maybe all of this is once again because Michelle Obama is just so tried of looking at fat kids. She tried to make it voluntary, but now government is going to come and actually knock the Twinkies out of their chubby little hands.

You know, we all made fun of Newt’s moon colony, but that might be the only option left if some of us still like this freedom thing.

* Wisdom of the Day from Ace of Spades:

It’s terrible that Komen Foundation is giving up its charity work and going back exclusively to the money-grubbing field of cancer research.

* Here’s bad lip-reading of Rick Santorum:

Eventually this gag is going to get tiresome, but today is not that day.

* I’m probably going to be a bit lighter on blogging for a couple weeks as I need that time to finish up my next ebook for HarperCollins (which is quite a bit longer than the last one). The book is going to be my solutions for all the problems America is facing, so it’s sort of my magnum opus of my all my time blogging and writing columns. Thus I want to make sure it’s as good as it can be. This isn’t just going to be a book. It’s going to be a movement to revitalize our country and make it even more awesome than we can possibly imagine.

Romney: “I’m not concerned about the very poor.” See, he sounds like a true conservative.

Romney: “Shut up, you stupid poor people! No one wants to hear what comes out of your money-less mouths!”

Then again, poor people in this country are a bit whiny when you compare what they have to what historically is considered poverty. I guess we’re all kind of whiny that way, though. #FirstWorldProblems

Romney 2012: “Shut up, poverty.”

I could be an enthusiastic Romney supporter. The Romney campaign just needs to tell me where to send the invoice for that.

They should do a Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em robots movie starring Mitt Romney and Al Gore.

Romney: “I’m not concerned about the very poor. I have a shotgun.”

Romney: “Zombies are the undead? I thought they were poor people. Now those movies are sad instead of funny.”

I’m not concerned about very poor people because malnutrition makes them easy to best in hand to hand combat.

Know who could have run as a stark contrast to Mitt Romney? Hobo with a Shotgun.

Romney: “I am in fact concerned about the very poor… especially them touching me and getting poor germs on me.”

Maybe we should just run Eric Cartman for president.

At shooting ranges, they have the paper targets out front, but they keep barrels of fish in a back room so you have to ask for it.

Is it possible for George Lucas to ruin the prequels with new special edition changes? Like Darth Maul now comes back as the lovable Halfy?

Spellcheck, I’m not going to capitalize “internet.” Give it up.

* So Romney won Florida. No surprises there. And by a big margin in pretty much every group you can think of, which is a little surprising. Also, this was a closed primary with only actual Republicans voting (which is why Ron Paul only got 7%).

Basil is technically right that it’s not over, but CW is that the only one who can defeat Romney now is Romney. Basically he has to make some huge mistake to lose. Like be caught with a dead hooker. That sort of thing.

Still, maybe Newt can pick up some Southern states and gain some momentum. The disadvantage of that is that then we’d might have Newt as a nominee. Just can’t trust that guy. Unlike Romney who…

What are we trying to accomplish again?

* Romney is already kind of stepping in it, though. “I’m not concerned about the very poor.” Not so bad in context, but these are the things people seize on. Other things he needs to avoid saying:

“Poverty is funny.”

“I like the sound poor people make when I run over them in my limo.”

“Shut up, you stupid poor people! No one wants to hear what comes out of your money-less mouths!”

Actually, if Romney gets challenged on his concern for the poor, a good response would be, “And exactly how many millions have you given to charity?”

* Of course, Obama isn’t exactly saying all the right things either. A woman confronted him the other day with how her husband couldn’t find a job, and Obama said he found her husband’s unemployment “interesting.”

Obama 2012: “I find your lack of a job intriguing.”

Hmm. He is a lot like Spock.

* Rick Santorum says that Newt Gingrich should stop pressuring rivals to drop out. Gingrich responded saying, “I will… when you drop out.”

If Santorum had dropped out before the Florida primary… Gingrich still would have lost. But if Ron Paul had also dropped out… Gingrich still would have lost because Ron Paul voters wouldn’t vote at all and would instead just stay home and put brand new tin foil coverings on their windows.

* The CBO is estimating another trillion plus deficit. But don’t worry, taxes should soon go up to help with that. Though that should also slow economic growth.

Obama 2012!

* Wisdom of the Day from Grover Norquist:

I want to cut Warren Buffett’s secretary’s taxes. Obama hopes she ignores her pain and focusses on his promises to raise Warren’s taxes.

* DC Comics has announced new Watchmen comics. Since Watchmen is considered to be one of the greatest comics of all time — nay, one of the greatest pieces of literature of all time — and nearly sacred, and since Alan Moore isn’t going to be involved with these new comics, expect fandom to scream like an abattoir full of retarded children. Actually, there’s no question Alan Moore wasn’t going to be involved as DC Comics burnt bridges with him (plus he’s a weirdo — a weirdo who takes all his characters seriously and write them three-dimensionally), but DC does own the rights to the Watchmen characters and this should be a pretty big deal. And they’re going to be prequels, which is good since *SPOILER* Rorschach was killed in the end (he gets all blowed up in one of the saddest scenes since Old Yeller). Who would care about new Watchmen comics with Rorschach?

Well, I guess DC is banking on some people caring, because they’re making 34 comics, but only four are going to be centered on Rorschach. I mean, they have a six issue miniseries on Ozymandias; who cares? I want nothing but comics of Rorschach’s nihilistic musings while being brutal to criminals. He’s like Batman if Batman were poor and much crazier. “None of you seem to understand. I’m not locked in here with you. You’re locked in here with ME!”

If Rorschach were still alive today, though, I kind of get the feeling he’d be a Ron Paul supporter.

“I’m unfollowing you.”
“And I never followed you in the first place which makes me all the wiser.”

The Republican primary has crushed my soul. I don’t care if Ron Paul is the nominee; just end it.

Google News has given me an Ultimate badge in reading stories about politics, video games, and Nintendo BECAUSE I AM AN INFORMED READER!

I’m such a dedicated news reader that I have a gold badge in reading stories about the XBox and I don’t even own an XBox.

Fun Fact: People pay me for my opinions and no one even wants to hear yours.

Some readers have corrected me that the Arrested Development character Obama most resembles isn’t Gob Bluth but instead Tobias Funke.

As for the Arrested Development character I’m most like, I’d say Michael… but it’s probably George Michael. As for SarahK, she’s most like Rita because she’s very pretty.

I wonder if the Death Wish remake will be as right wing as the original.

Though I do like to annoy cats, gluten free bread is too expensive to waste on the breading meme.

I don’t know why I’m supposed to be so concerned by all this presidential election stuff; I don’t even work in government.

America is dying a slow death, and the best we can get is promises to make it an even slower death.

I don’t care about electability. I don’t care about nominating a true conservative. I just don’t like Obama. Also, I’m hugely tired of this primary.

We need something like the moon mission to get us out of our rut. My suggestion: national effort to build working lightsaber.

They need to come up with a summer version of curling for the Summer Olympics.

There really was a country named “Prussia”? Why would you name yourself like you’re a cheap Russia knockoff? That’s like having a country today named “Sturkey”.

We’ll stop pointing out liberal hypocrisy if they admit that at least 95% of everything they say is partisan BS.

They’re doing new Watchmen comics without Alan Moore? Expect to hear fandom scream like an abattoir full of retarded children.

* The Florida primary is today. In all likelihood, Romney is going to win handily. In fact, if he doesn’t win handily, it would be like the hugest shock ever and he probably wouldn’t recover.

But he’ll win handily. And Gingrich will carry on. And so probably will Santorum as he doesn’t have anything better to do. That goes double for Ron Paul. When will this horrible primary end? I don’t know. I’m just tired of it; it’s awful. At least we won’t end it this time with McCain as our nominee.

* You know the RNC chair whose name looks like that of a Ronulan — Reince Priebus? Well, he’s actually kind of cool. He compared President Obama to Captain Schettino, that Italian captain who ran a cruise ship aground and fled. His counterpart, Debbie Wasserman Schultz, called that “incendiary,” but it’s hard to dispute the facts of the comparison. The best you could do is, “Obama is nothing like Captain Schettino — Obama doesn’t even speak Italian. Plus, it’s hard to imagine someone trusting him with a boat in the first place.”

* Obama famously got in a spat with Governor Jan Brewer, and Governor Jindal says the same thing happened with him. Apparently, Obama is really thin-skinned and likes to try to be theatrical for the press. Who knew a community organizer and legislator who mainly voted “present” wasn’t going to be up to the gravity of the job?

This only stresses the importance of having a Republican candidate who will really go after Obama in the debates. We need to cook that wiener while everyone is watching.

* You ever get the idea that Obama has a thing against religion? He recently got a 9-0 decision against him when he tried to tell religious organizations who they could and couldn’t hire, and now he’s trying to force religious organizations to pay for contraceptives and morning after pills even if they’re morally opposed. What’s the chance the same Supreme Court is going to uphold that one? This is like how a militant atheist would mindlessly antagonize churches to no real purpose. What exactly does Obama bitterly cling to? Probably nothing as American as guns and religion.

* As pointed out in Best of the Web (the “Three Papers in One!” item), the New York Times has published an editorial calling for the end to the filibuster. This is a change of position from 2005 when, while Bush was president, they expressed support for the filibuster — that being a change of position from 1995 when, while Clinton was president, they called for the end of the filibuster. So this is pretty consistent for them — they’re consistently partisan hacks.

Do you know there are people who take the New York Times seriously? Or maybe that’s just an urban legend. Like bigfoot.

* Wisdom of the Day from Lauren Ashley Bishop:

groupon are you crazy if i had laser hair i would never get it removed

If President Obama were a character from Arrested Development, he’d be Gob Bluth.

George Strait’s name makes it seem like he’s really over compensating for something.

Are we absolutely certain a rhinoceros is not some sort of mammal/dinosaur hybrid?

Mitt Romney is like a human-colored Charlie Crist.

“Grapes are great, but can we make them weird and shriveled and ruin cookies with them, because I hate kids.” -guy who invented raisins