Author Archive

Random Thoughts: Scotland, Minecraft, and Hillary

Tuesday, September 16, 2014 9:17 am

On Scottish independence, I’m on the side of having less countries. There’s like 200 of them most of them are pointless.

How many European countries do we actually need? I think 5 different countries at most would cover whole spectrum of Europeans.

Like do we need both a Belgium and a France? No. We need to be consolidating similar countries instead of making new ones.

Wow. Stupid Microsoft. I paid only $13 for Minecraft because I bought it back when it was in alpha.

“It looks like you’re trying to mine obsidian. Would you like some help?” #MicroCraft

So exactly how rich is Notch now? Does he basically own Sweden?

At this point, isn’t Hillary Clinton basically the Yankees of politicians?

If ever read President Obama’s al Qaeda fan fiction, it’s actually very good with lots of well developed characters.

“Thank you, Mario! But our princess is in another castle! Maybe you can use this time to reflect on this misogynistic quest structure.”

Guide to Understanding the West: If we make obvious effort to not be racist against your culture, that means we think it’s pretty pathetic.

Science will never return your love.

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Where Is Moderate Islam?

Monday, September 15, 2014 11:00 am

New Crowder video where he explores exactly what is moderate Islam compared to ISIS:

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Random Thoughts: Obama’s Plans, Peace, and Drunken Brawls

Monday, September 15, 2014 9:08 am

Main things ruining all of President Obama’s plans:
1. Individual liberty
2. The Constitution
3. Biden getting chocolate on everything

It was nice how Peter raised Tabitha from the dead, but couldn’t he have also gotten people to stop calling her “Dorcas.”

When the U.S. tries giving peace a chance, we get really restless within a couple weeks.

It’s cute when little kids say they want to be president one day and then draw out Iraq invasion plans in crayon.

I once was in a drunken brawl with Sarah Palin, but I didn’t mention it because she beat me up pretty bad.

Called me a “moose sympathizer” and suddenly she was this hurricane of fists and elbows.

I didn’t mention it because I was kinda embarrassed and I just thought it was a common occurrence when visiting Alaska.

Playing “Mark of the Ninja.” I was hoping the protagonist in it would be named Mark so the title would have a double meaning.

If you’re acting like it’s weird Sarah Palin suplexed a guy into a table, then you obviously haven’t been in very many drunken brawls.

“I should have said, ‘The jerk store called; they’re running out of you!'” I uttered hours later when I awoke in the burn ward.

Actually, I think if you made a gun’s trigger out of a strand of hair, it would be pretty much impossible to fire.

This gas pump needs to update its drawing of a cellphone. Whoops; took the picture with my cellphone.

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Wisdom of the Day: iPhone Brave Gang Vegan Phone

Friday, September 12, 2014 5:00 pm

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Random Thoughts: ISIS, War, and RE4

Friday, September 12, 2014 9:21 am

“I want to assure you that the organization called ‘Islamic State Made By Islamic People Who Are Really Islamic’ is not Islamic.”

Here’s an idea: We donate to ISIS a bunch of planes to make it easier to kill them from the air.

Does every time our country shoot and bomb people, we have to put a label on it? #NotAWar

A newspaper needs to put out an all caps headline: “WARISHNESS!”

Now every time I have to pull my iPhone out of my pocket, I think of how much simpler life would be with an Apple Watch.

Hmm. Resident Evil 4 is on sale on Steam. Should I buy it for a 3rd time?

I am so itching to play it again. It’s definitely one of my top 5 games of all time.

That’s what makes the sequels so frustrating. It’s like RE4 was a weird accident and Capcom has no idea how to reproduce it.

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Random Thoughts: Class War, Iraq, and What’s Islamic

Thursday, September 11, 2014 9:16 am

The Apple Watch doesn’t have a camera so it can’t watch anything and thus the name makes no sense.

Some of the new iPhone 6 features seem neat, but I like the size of my 5S.

If we had a class war, I think the rich would win because they could afford lasers cannons against which the poor have no defense.

Hopefully President Obama can use our military might to intimidate our enemies, as a tank is still scary even if a puppy is driving it.

One the single hardest things to do as president is to not have a war in Iraq.

Who’s the central authority on what is and isn’t Islamic?

Really, I think arguing what is and isn’t Islamic is kinda pointless from a non-Muslim.

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Wisdom of the Day: Hulk Date Buy Life Doctors Product White Fedora Husbands Interaction

Wednesday, September 10, 2014 5:00 pm

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Random Thoughts: Apple Watch

Wednesday, September 10, 2014 9:12 am

Maybe the iPhone 6 will be rotary. I miss rotary phones.

Now they just introduced the iDuct Tape which makes the iPhone wearable.

Apple could probably get away with just slapping an Apple logo on what Samsung came out with last year and no one paid attention to.

Tim Cook just announced that they’ve teamed up with the Obama administration to make the new Apple Watch mandatory.

When will they answer the main question on everyone’s mind: Will it have a Dick Tracy app?

I have to wait until next year? I guess I’ll set an alert on my Apple Watch to tell me when… oh.

Tim Cook: “Apple products preform 27% better than a dog in continuing to love you when no one else will.”

Eh. I think I’ll let you guys beta test these things and get gen 2.

Is it worth $350 to not have to pull my phone out of my pocket to see who just texted me?

So no mention of battery life?
“What time is it, Apple Watch?”
“Time to charge me!”

For the socially conscious, your fancy new Apple Watch will occasionally give you a text alert to care about poor people.

Oh, the Apple Watch doesn’t have a battery. You have to keep it plugged in all the time.

If you can handle me at my peak, you don’t deserve me at my normal traffic levels.

I like playing indie video games. It makes me feel cultured.

There’s a strong correlation between the decline in popularity of Mr. T and the rise in jibber jabber.

Was thinking I’d pass on Apple Watch, but checking out on http://Apple.com , it’s actually pretty nifty looking.

I think it looks stupid with the sports bands, but the other options are pretty. Wondering about cost, though.

And I like that they actually focused on it keeping good, accurate time. Not like the iPhone not being a good phone.

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Wisdom of the Day: Ravens Rice Kennedy Laugh Room Foal Train Baby

Tuesday, September 9, 2014 5:00 pm

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Crowder Returns

Tuesday, September 9, 2014 11:00 am

Crowder returns later this week.

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Random Thoughts: Bigots, Apple, and the NFL

Tuesday, September 9, 2014 9:13 am

Most of the justification for bigotry these days is claiming the group you’re bigoted against is bigoted.

It’s exciting when an Apple event isn’t just an upgrade for a current device but a new device we’ll eventually have to upgrade.

Is it sexist to be extra outraged by a man punching a woman? Whatever; I’m probably sexist.

I’ve never really been into “music.” Can someone please explain the appeal?

I’m a caring individual. I’ve always been caring. Some say I care too much. And that’s why I’m not waving my hands in the air.

So I have a few more hours to enjoy my iPhone 5S before I hate it for being a stupid, outdated piece of garbage.

Before video came out of Ray Rice punching his fiancé, did the NFL think it was some wacky, sitcom-type mishap that rendered her unconscious?

Sports are good and all, but every kid in this country should have much higher ambitions than handling a ball really well.

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Wisdom of the Day: Up Bed Ironic Bonding

Monday, September 8, 2014 5:00 pm

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Random Thoughts: iWatch, the Military, and Film Plots

Monday, September 8, 2014 9:12 am

I’d like it if video game developers treated women as human being instead of objects in their games, but I’d settle for pause-able cutscenes.

Will the iWatch go with my Google Glasses, or will it make me look like a dork?

Is sexual assault really more frequent than it used to be? I thought men were supposed to be more violent and misogynistic in ye olden days.

The problem for a modern day military is figuring out how to destroy an evil enemy without hurting their feelings.

My least favorite Doctor Who moment was in the season 7 finale when it was revealed Jenny Flint wasn’t actually killed off.

Hopefully this iWatch will end the nightmare of having to fish my phone out of my pocket to see who texted me.

“What’s this henge made from?”
“Stone.”
“Hmm. Interesting.”

I haven’t really been following sports. Is there a sports team I should be rooting for?

Tornado? What’s a tor? Is it worse than a shark?

#ExplainAFilmPlotBadly Sled aficionado dies and all the non-sled-related events of his life are recalled.

#ExplainAFilmPlotBadly Billionaire dresses in animal costume and punches poor people.

Ginger ale has no soul.

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Wisdom of the Day: E-book Facebook Radical Pepsi

Friday, September 5, 2014 5:00 pm

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Random Thoughts: Minimum Wage, Fungus, and Clearing Out Old Stuff

Friday, September 5, 2014 9:08 am

The statute of limitations for having done 9/11 runs out next year and Bush is expected to release a tell-all.

My experience from earning minimum wage as a teenager is that people will pay more than that to keep you if you display basic competency.

Am I the only one not getting the hype on the Dreadnoughtus? I thought we’d found theoretically bigger, brontosaurus-type dinosaurs before?

Can mushrooms go bad? I mean, they’re already fungus. Instead of going bad, they should just get bigger.

Finally gotten wife to start watching Breaking Bad. Have to trudge through short first season which is merely great instead of excellent.

Has any feminist done as much for equality as John Browning?

Found my old Legos. It’s 80’s something spaceman from my space set I got in 80 something.

No licensed Legos back then. Had to make lightsaber from red bar in space set plus chalice in medieval set.

Mom was clearing out storage so going through old stuff. Here’s the receipt for my N64 in case I need to return it.

An early version of the iWatch I owned in grade school.

Bill Clinton certified that I was physically fit.

For some reason I did a wire portrait of Rush Limbaugh in 8th grade.

Boo-yeah. Think all my G.I. Joes are lost, though.

Looking at how many old sketch books I have, I drew a lot as a kid. I was never very good at it, though.

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Wisdom of the Day: Hyenas Animals Dairy Putin Humor Davis

Thursday, September 4, 2014 5:00 pm

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Wisdom of the Day: Epi Baby Sketch Songs Alcoholic Skeptic Smiley Oxford

Wednesday, September 3, 2014 5:00 pm

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Random Thoughts: Book Reports, Selfies, and Video Games

Wednesday, September 3, 2014 9:03 am

I remember doing a lot of book reports as a kid but I’ve never done a single one as an adult. What was that all about?

Were book reports to scare kids away from books? “Remember: If you read a book, you have to do some painful, boring writing afterward.”

Anger makes you dumber, and, God bless us, none of us were that bright to begin with.

Secure nude selfie distribution is actually an interesting engineering problem.

Ideally, you’d want a nude selfie camera setting that would encrypt the image upon taking it. Password needed for any further viewing.

Being able to send the photo to a person with that person not being able to distribute would be biggest challenge. Nearly impossible, really.

So only send nude selfies to extremely trusted third parties. A nude selfie can’t be canceled like a credit card.

Apparently Apple’s cloud doesn’t count as an extremely trusted third party.

Does the presidential limo have an “I’d rather be golfing” bumper sticker? Because that would be funny.

So do gaming journalists basically have complete and utter contempt for gamers? #GamerGate

I enjoy video games and the patriarchy.

So Putin starts wearing a cape, he’s officially a supervillain, right?

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Wisdom of the Day: War Resume Dress ATM Table Towel Fireworks Raccoon Dentist Photos Swords Commit

Tuesday, September 2, 2014 5:00 pm

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Random Thoughts: Feminism, Nude Photos, and Unions

Tuesday, September 2, 2014 9:20 am

FUN FACT: Feminism was invented by Virginia Slims cigarettes as a marketing ploy.

Are progressives theoretically willing to shoot people over plastic bags? If someone keeps using them, you’ll send people with guns to stop them?

It’s a good idea to take nude photos of yourself in case you forget what you look like nude and don’t have time to take your clothes off.

This is all good news for my new business, SecureNudeStorage.com .

Jennifer Lawrence is just happy hackers didn’t get that video of her pretending to be Darth Maul.

They allow nude pictures on the internet?

Most women’s hard drives are filled up with nothing but recipes they saved from Pinterest and nude selfies.

There are still unions in the 21st century?

What happened to the dinosaurs was they unionized and were replaced by more efficient mammals.

Why do we need a day to celebrate laborers? It’s not a charitable service they’re providing; they get paid for it.

Please, leave gaming a refuge from stupid politics. I just want to blow up and kill things in peace. #GamerGate

The tolerance police are basically the modern day puritans. We need less tolerance for the insufferably self-righteous.

Before taking nude photos, make sure to weigh the best possible outcome of that versus the risks.

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