Author Archive

Random Thoughts: Star Wars, Millennials, and Moving to Texas

Friday, October 10, 2014 9:13 am

I remember the kids in the audience for Episode 1 loved Jar Jar Binks, so shouldn’t there be adults now who admit to liking him?

It doesn’t seem like he’s like the Ewoks – remembered fondly by those who were kids at the time they first saw the movie.

Disney should release definitive Star Wars in HD with original editions for 4-6 and blank discs for 1-3.

“We can all get free lunches if we go around breaking windows.” -Nobel Prize-winning economist Paul Krugman

To me, social issues are the most important issues, which is why I do my best to keep them away from politicians and the government.

Literally, the best thing we can do for Millennials is constantly make fun of them to break their unwarranted self-esteem.

Glad so much attention is being paid to Bill Maher and Ben Affleck debating Islam. Those are the two people who will probably solve things.

Did a very scary thing today: Gave 2 weeks notice to my engineering job which I enjoy. I’m moving to Austin, TX, to be a hipster/writer.

Very exciting opportunity has come up. And SarahK is a native Texan, so she’ll tell me how to behave. Hope Wendy Davis is a good governor.

So used to forcing out my writing in wee hours of the morning, don’t know what I’ll do with a full day. More time to stare at a blank page.

I’m going to be working as a writer for Emergent Order. You probably know them from the Kronies cartoons and the Keynes/Hayek rap battle.

They are a very talented group, and I can’t wait to see what we can make together.

I’m really honored they believe in me this much to hire me on full time. This is really crazy, and I can hardly believe it.

This is also very scary. I’m now going to be financially supporting my family using the part of my brain that came up with Nuke the Moon.

I’ll have to work on being a Texan. Is the emphasis on the “yee” or the “haw”?

And being a creative type in Austin, I’ll have to work on being cool. Like wearing bow ties and fezes.

Yes, I’m the kind of cool that makes obscure Doctor Who references.

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Wisdom of the Day: Intellect Baby Katana Witch Read Chuck

Thursday, October 9, 2014 5:00 pm

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Random Thoughts: Rights and Libertarians

Thursday, October 9, 2014 9:35 am

If it involves someone else having to do something other than just leave you alone, it’s not a right.

Oh, I solved the puzzle: J.K. Rowling is taking over writing the next two books of Game of Thrones.

Wait, libertarians aren’t disciples of Joe Lieberman? Then what the hell are they?

*libertarian president takes office
“It’s time for freedom and–”
“BUT WHO IS GOING TO PAVE THE ROADS?!!”
*libertarian movement collapses

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Wisdom of the Day: Dead Exclamation Fly Willis Flash Branding

Wednesday, October 8, 2014 5:00 pm

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Random Thoughts: Billionaires, Presidents, and Fundraising

Wednesday, October 8, 2014 9:28 am

When Adam Smith was talking about an “invisible hand,” he was actually referring to his super-fast ninja punch.

I don’t know about the Koch brothers, but I find the billionaires like Bloomberg who spend money against liberty to be scarier.

What’s the positive message for Democrats this election? “We were saving all our competency for the last two years of the Obama presidency.”

With 8 years of Bush followed by 8 years of Obama, maybe in 2016 we should consider being done with presidents for a while.

I’ll be president in 2016 if you want. I’ll play videogames all day and leave you alone. I’ll still take the salary.

If the only way to beat Ebola is to out-fundraise it, we’re in good hands.

Who is Obama fundraising from? Who is seeing all this and wants more of it? Terrorist organizations?

Sorry, that just gets my goat. Of all the things you can do with money, but you choose to give it to a politician? That’s horrible.

I guess there is some confusion here; I’ve been trying to combat the problem of climate stasis.

Exactly how hard is it to forge Chuck E. Cheese prize tickets?

The silliness of having the government redefine the religious custom of marriage didn’t begin with gay marriage and won’t end with it.

Used to be the left questioned the institution of marriage. Now, they act like it’s the most important thing ever. How long will that last?

Oh well; can’t make logical arguments about marriage because there was never anything logical about it. Like having government regulate baptisms.

I’m against Rock the Vote. I don’t understand the benefits of encouraging idiots to vote.

Stephen King says it should take you 3 months to write a novel. I’m guessing George R.R. Martin goes by a different philosophy.

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Wisdom of the Day: Call Dog License Pepper Eviscerate Lumps Videotape

Tuesday, October 7, 2014 5:00 pm

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Random Thoughts: Tolerance, Twin Peaks, and Play-Doh

Tuesday, October 7, 2014 9:15 am

More often than not now the language of tolerance is used for the purpose of exclusion.

Twin Peaks is returning. Maybe I should finally finish that 2nd season. Show sure went from awesome to meh quick.

Did the Native Americans try explaining to the European settlers that they’re in the wrong side of history?

It’s sad when you’re finally too old for Play-Doh and have to move on to Work-Doh.

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Wisdom of the Day: Shrunk Comma Wonka

Monday, October 6, 2014 5:00 pm

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Random Thoughts: SJW, Birthday, and Taken 3

Monday, October 6, 2014 9:31 am

I’m just glad that none of the Professor Layton games ever had the puzzle “Fold a shirt.”

If a social justice warrior doesn’t publicly back-pat himself at least once per day, he’ll devolve into a racist, misogynist neanderthal.

My daughter’s 4th birthday is coming up and I haven’t thought of what to get her. How about a handshake and my respect?

I give it a 63% chance there is a ninja hanging from the ceiling of the White House right now.

Don’t want to sound like a conspiracy theorists, but Obama destroyed healthcare and gave us Ebola to keep us from looking into the moon landing.

Taken 3: The Search for Spock

“You just got tooked.” -Bob Takenowski, protagonist of Taken, upon shooting a guy

If you saw the Doctor Who Saturday night, it was a real tease, wasn’t it?

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Wisdom of the Day: Remote Napkin Pizza Shoes Frankenstein Peabody Police Ebola

Friday, October 3, 2014 5:00 pm

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Random Thoughts: California and Ebola

Friday, October 3, 2014 9:07 am

Sex in California now requires a notary public.

That’s progressivism. Starts with “Everyone should have sex all the time!” and eventually ends up with greater restrictions than Puritans.

The only time progressives have a problem with government restrictions on your personal life is when it’s done by other people than them.

Conservatives should be happy about California; they’re just one step away from requiring a marriage license to have sex.

“Now we need to pause this sex a moment for station identification.”

When near crowds of people, make sure to keep your mouth closed so no one vomits blood into it. #EbolaTips

It is not known whether getting your legs snagged by bolas can give you Ebola, so avoid getting pursued by ninjas. #EbolaTips

One of the main symptoms of Ebola to look for is sudden worry about diseases you read about online. #EbolaTips

Listen to me. I’m a doctor, for all you know.

The more knowledgable you are about Ebola, the more likely it will target you. It’s trying to eliminate threats. Remain ignorant. #EbolaTips

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Now Is Not the Time to Turn This Country Around

Thursday, October 2, 2014 11:04 am

I have a new column up at PJ Media about the 2014 elections.

Now, I want to note that I don’t mean this analogy to be disrespectful to President Obama. But I think most historians will back me when I say his presidency is the equivalent of a dumb child running into tables.

Read. Enjoy. Share.

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Wisdom of the Day: Screenwriters Rich Journalism

Monday, September 29, 2014 5:00 pm

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Random Thoughts: Koran, Agreement, and Cigarettes

Monday, September 29, 2014 9:14 am

If there are parts of the Koran that say “Don’t murder people,” maybe in future editions they should bold those.

Can you imagine anything scarier than both major political parties being in complete agreement on everything?

SURGEON GENERAL WARNING: If you didn’t know cigarettes were bad for you until you read this, there is no hope for you.

What we need is a good guide on how to tell murdery Muslims from friendly ones.

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Wisdom of the Day: Holder Forgery Freudian Girls

Friday, September 26, 2014 5:00 pm

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Random Thoughts: Spanking, Eric Holder, and Groundhogs

Friday, September 26, 2014 9:25 am

Is spanking a modern thing? Or are people saying that something that’s been the norm forever is extremely detrimental?

And if spanking is so detrimental and it’s becoming less popular, shouldn’t we see better kids now? Because all I see are goobers.

More like Eric Dropper. #PoliticalHumor

I got the jackpot on the Daily Booster Wheel in Candy Crush, so dreams do come true.

Eric Holder should be able to turn his time as Attorney General into a high paying job as a lobbyist or black market arms dealer.

It would be helpful if progressives came up with a handy list of viewpoints we’re no longer allowed to question.

Ever try and listen to the lyrics of songs? Most of it is nonsense.

Even if you’re really happy from the result of Groundhog Day, you’re not supposed to spike the groundhog.

Lord, please save science from “pro-science” laymen.

“If you’re not very good at your job, surround yourself with people even worse at theirs.” -Barack Obama

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Wisdom of the Day: Christine Murphy Dating Saluted Devil Cat Art

Thursday, September 25, 2014 5:00 pm

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Random Thoughts: Salute, Religion, and Bending iPhones

Thursday, September 25, 2014 9:20 am

I correctly set my expectations about Obama after reelection and thus haven’t been legitimately outraged by anything he’s done in years.

Are some people outraged by the coffee cup salute? That just made me chuckle and say, “That’s our Obama.”

I know we like to say Islam isn’t the problem in the Middle East, but have they tried a different religion? Israel did, and that worked out.

Maybe ISIS will stop beheading people if we explain to them how they really should be focusing on climate change.

You want a larger iPhone that isn’t bendable? There is no pleasing you people.

I guess to fix the bendable iPhone problem, Apple will have to issue a firmer-ware update.

I did have to really love Lost at some point to let it make me that angry.

Dick Cheney bit Obama and he became one.

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Random Thoughts: Lasers, Scientists, and Equality

Wednesday, September 24, 2014 9:13 am

In my opinion as a legal expert, that definitely appears to be a law of some sort.

What we need are space lasers. Terrorism won’t end until we can zap terrorists from space.

Ooh, so you’re a scientist, Neil DeGrasse Tyson? Did you invent a laser or an iPhone or anything useful? No? Then shut up.

“I have some new conclusions on black holes.”
“Thanks, Stephen Hawking. That’s super-useful. We’ll put that to good use right away.”

How many times a day am I supposed to apologize for being a straight white male?

We really should finish our previous wars before we begin starting new ones.

Despite all this feminism and equality stuff, women are still going to be the ones birthing babies, right? Because I ain’t doing that.

The reaction to True Detective casting of “Ah! White guys!” shows how many can’t draw a line between fighting racism and being race obsessed.

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Wisdom of the Day: Punching Horns Germs Fly Corn

Tuesday, September 23, 2014 5:00 pm

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