Author Archive

Random Thoughts: President, Cruz, and Mickey

Wednesday, March 25, 2015 8:22 am

If you don’t have friends, make some just so you can talk about Superego. It will be worth the annoyance of friends.

Just a reminder that I am now old enough to be president. I promise to do nothing other than cash my check each week if elected.

Or does the president get paid biweekly? Or twice a month? Anyone know how that works?

And would it be possible to not have to move to D.C. if elected president? That place is full of weirdos and sociopaths.

Future headline to keep in mind if Ted Cruz takes charge in implementing his policies: “Cruz Control.” Lemme explain…

The Conservative Book Club doesn’t exactly have a large selection under “Fiction,” but it makes up for it in quality.

When watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, I can’t get over what an egomaniac Mickey is. Everything has to be named after or shaped like him.

For a while, he even tried to call the Hot Dog Dance the “Mousekadance.” Come on, dude.

The less you like the Republican candidate in the primary, the less you’ll be disappointed by him later.

Hey, maybe in another decade FOX will revive Firefly for a couple episodes.

3-star reviews hurt. That’s two whole stars of not liking it. And stars are some of the largest objects in the universe.

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Random Thoughts: Lynch and Starbucks

Monday, March 23, 2015 8:26 am

“Loretta Lynch: She’ll help you in a pinch!” -slogan for if she wants to compete against Saul Goodman

Let’s look at these questions. Where do I most often interact with someone of another race? Well, it’s not at Starbucks.

If you spent all day at Starbucks, you’d probably be really curious about minorities too.

I’m mainly watching The Last Man on Earth out of curiosity of where in the world the story will go.

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Are We All Sociopaths in Our Own Special Way?

Friday, March 20, 2015 11:00 am

In a new PJ Media article talking about issues from Superego, I ask whether we’re all a bit like Rico in being sociopaths at times.

What do you think? Is it possible IMAO readers could be sociopaths? That sounds crazy.

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The Economics of The Hudsucker Proxy

Friday, March 20, 2015 10:00 am

Okay, so not the most popular Cohen brothers movie, but it has some great economics lessons to riff off of. So here’s a new EconPop about supply and demand and minimum wage.

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Random Thoughts: Starbucks, Community, and Voting

Friday, March 20, 2015 8:12 am

So have all the white hipsters at Starbucks solved race yet?

Paying people to dig ditches and other people to fill in those ditches still sounds more useful than ethanol subsidies.

Come on, guys; if you’re going to pay millions to revive a TV series, make sure your video delivery system is ready. #Community

And now I really want to see Portuguese Gremlins. #Community

And I really like the weirdness of new-Shirley’s non-weirdness. #Community

My view on voting is that it should take little effort to vote, but it should take some effort. Disenfranchise the extremely lazy.

Wait… the president of which country suggested voting should be mandatory?

It’s becoming the mantra of the left that if anything is worth doing, it’s worth doing at gunpoint.

In my dream world, voting wouldn’t matter. Because no matter who was elected, my rights wouldn’t be on the chopping block.

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Wisdom of the Day: Coffee Mayo Starbucks Tree Leprechaun

Wednesday, March 18, 2015 5:00 pm

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Inclusive of Psychopaths

Wednesday, March 18, 2015 11:00 am

I wrote a blog post!

…Just not here. I have a guest post at Sarah Hoyt’s blog about inclusiveness in science fiction and whether Social Justice Warriors are being insensitive to psychopaths. It’s a very sensitive think-piece — the sort of thing I’m known for. Enjoy!

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Random Thoughts: Starbucks and Community

Wednesday, March 18, 2015 8:02 am

Community is back! In a really weird place… But it’s back!

What’s the slogan of Yahoo! Screen? “Yeah, it’s a thing.”

BTW, if you’ve never seen Community, it’s worth subscribing to Hulu Plus just for being able to watch seasons 1-3,5.

Being offended is a choice.

What does it mean about race that my reaction to the news about Starbuck’s #RaceTogether was the annoyed exclamation, “White people!”?

Let’s talk about race, baby.
Let’s talk about harmony.
Let’s talk about all the things you do micro-agressively.
Let’s about race.

I’m still not convinced this Starbucks thing is real.

I’m a little scared about what I may say on any controversial issue before I’ve had my coffee.

So people getting worked up over the cover art on a Batgirl comic was a real thing?

You can’t stay ahead of the SJWs if your tried. They invent new things to be offended by every single day.

So far, only one episode title of Better Call Saul didn’t end in an ‘o’ and I’m still trying to figure out if that’s significant.

Are corn farmers basically welfare queens?

Is Starbucks charging enough for a latte to be able to solve the issue of race?

Experience so far is that Yahoo Screen really needs to work on its video streaming. I have 300mbs down and the video is choppy.

The ads are streaming just fine.

Captions are out of sync. Come on, Yahoo, this isn’t time for amateur hour. #Community

The video quality was almost unwatchable with how choppy it is, and now it’s froze with two minutes left. :( #Community

Here’s how desperate I was to watch the new Community: I opened Internet Explorer to see if Yahoo Screen would work better in it.

I think I’ll wait on watching the second Community episode. Maybe it’s a bandwidth problem on Yahoo’s end that will better another day.

Not sure what I thought of the first episode. Might rewatch if I can fix the video quality issues. #Community

I’m kind of amused in how people tell me how funny Superego when it’s supposed to be my first big serious work.

Being disappointed by a politician is what you get for having any expectations whatsoever.

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Wisdom of the Day: Animals Salt Cookies Bus Problem Grandeur

Monday, March 16, 2015 5:00 pm

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Random Thoughts: Logan Act and Vladimir

Monday, March 16, 2015 7:46 am

I assume the Logan Act was put in place after the traitorous actions of President Logan.

I don’t think there’s anything preventing someone from running for president while in prison, if that’s relevant to a candidate.

*Hitler answers the phone* “Hello?”
“I have a list of Nazis I’m killing, and you’re at the top.”
-Schindler’s List with today’s Liam Neeson

So our third child is going to be a girl. Girl, boy, girl.

My 22 month old son thinks it’s funny to hit me. And it is funny to hit me. But I still think I’m supposed to stop him.

Come on, you guys. Stop violating the Logan Act.

Woo! I’m in downtown Austin for SXSW! In a back room. At a laptop. Because that’s how I party.

The attack on Caesar on the Ides of March was in clear violation of the Logan Act.

Is it possible to be named “Vladimir” and not be evil?

If they find Vladimir Putin again, they should put a chip in his neck like we did the cats.

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What Does It Mean to Be “Civilized”?

Friday, March 13, 2015 11:00 am

In another article analyzing themes from Superego, I look into what it means to be “civilized.”

No one expects to be beaten to death by Mr. Peanut. Of course not — the dude wears a top hat and a monocle. And even though he carries a cane and could easily start to bludgeon you with it at any moment, that possibility has never entered your brain, because Mr. Peanut is the picture of civility.

Read. Enjoy. Discuss.

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How to Be Funny

Thursday, March 12, 2015 11:00 am

Want to learn how to be funny like me? Well, I boiled all the complexities of humor into 6 easy tips. If anyone doesn’t laugh at your new found humor abilities, it will be because of something wrong with them and not because of your jokes. That happens to me all the time.

So go read my tips and then test out your humor in the comments. I’m sure that won’t be awkward.

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Wisdom of the Day: Cards Schrodinger Ants Girlfriend Magician Burial Sigourney Hands Emails

Wednesday, March 11, 2015 5:00 pm

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Sorry

Wednesday, March 11, 2015 11:00 am

I know. I’ve been a bad blogger lately, but it’s been a crazy time for me. Just spent more than a twelve hour day on location for this project we’re filming. Well, I’m not doing much filming; as the writer, my job was mainly to cringe at dialogue that it was too late rewrite. But anyway, it’s pretty cool. I was lead writer for the script, and now stuff I wrote is being made reality by professionals and it is pretty intimidating. I’m just trying to learn stuff — like I now know what a gaffer is. I also know why it can take more than an hour to properly film a one minute piece of dialogue. Anyway, you should get to see the finished result in May, and it will be awesome. It might even be released in 4K (we’re filming it all in 6K).

Also, working on Emergent Order’s SXSW party, dProgram. So if you’re in SXSW this weekend and have an interactive badge, you can stop by the Parish and say hi.

Oh, and I’m still trying to sell my novel, so buy a copy if you haven’t for some reason. And tell your friends. Or even your enemies. And strangers.

So, I’ll try to get back to more blogging… in the future. For now, I should have more stuff going up at PJ Media soon. God bless.

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Random Thoughts: Hillary Clinton and the Apple Watch

Wednesday, March 11, 2015 8:38 am

My main goal for Superego was to make the story fun, but I do like that some people found it made them think.

Frantically posting a one star review on Amazon: “It’s a cookbook! A COOKBOOK!” #ModernTwilightZone

President Obama claims he just first learned about colors from watching Sesame Street last week.

Haven’t started writing sequel to Superego. Have 2 other novels to finish up first. But you’ll still see it before next Game of Thrones book.

Watched first two episodes of the new Netflix series Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt. Liked it. It was pretty cute.

When will we admit the war on daylight is lost?

Hillary Clinton 2016: “Absolutely everything you hate about politicians. Plus woman.”

Apple Watch? That sounds stupid. I’d only pay maybe $300 for that. Idiots.

Did you know that Curious George was originally a French creation? And instead of being a curious monkey, he was one filled with ennui.

Most stories were just him staring with contempt at the Man in the Yellow Hat while smoking cigarettes.

I can’t get the Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt theme out of my head.

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt almost feels like an extension of 30 Rock in how it’s exact same humor style. So far, very fun; very upbeat.

I like things to be positive. In my novel Superego, the main character is a psychotic hitman, but I tried to find the positive spin on it.

If you can pay $10,000 for a gold Apple Watch that will be outdated in a year, you’re probably rich enough to dictate what time it is.

You no longer need a $100 a month cable subscription to get HBO. Instead you need $500 Apple devices.

Now that I’m an iOS developer, I’m more interested in WatchKit than the actual watch.

“And we’re not even going to tell you how much the gold Apple Watch costs because if you have to ask, you probably have poor on you.”

Trying to figure out how to justify this to my employer. “I need the gold Apple Watch to make sure our software works with… precious metals.”

Hillary Clinton sure is acting like someone who has nothing to not hide.

Getting pretty excited about our SXSW event. Should be cool. http://www.dprogram.org

I think it’s going to be a big party. I’ve never partied before. I’m not even sure of the mechanics involved.

I think Colin Powell is trying too hard to distract from the big face-plant he did stepping out of his party to support such a doof.

Filming again. I get to learn about exterior shooting.

I’m sure Hillary has a reasonable explanation of the emails that dozens of people have been working for days on.

It was a Kobayashi Maru for Hillary. She could have stayed quiet and looked guilty or spoke and… also looked guilty.

Long day of shooting, but man is this going to look awesome.

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Did the Jetsons Go to Church?

Friday, March 6, 2015 11:00 am

In another PJ Media post exploring themes from Superego, I write about what’s the future of religion.

Science! It’s given us lasers and spaceships and explained the many great mysteries of life, like what is the sun, where does lightning come from, and what’s the deal with platypuses? Every day, the men in the lab coats tease out more secrets from this universe, and technology solves more of our problems (remember back in the day, when if you were lost in the woods, you couldn’t pull out your phone and quickly look up the filmography of the guy who played Balki in Perfect Strangers?). So as we go into a future with robots and a greater knowledge of quantum physics, what exactly do we need thousands-of-years-old texts on morality for?

Enjoy. And discuss.

There’s also another excerpt of Superego at PJ Media if for some insane reason you haven’t bought and read the book already.

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Another Thing to Keep Me From Blogging

Friday, March 6, 2015 9:00 am

The lovely and talented SarahK and I are having kid number 3 (due date 9/14).

Kid Three

We don’t have any names picked out yet — especially if he’s a boy. I’m thinking “Bort.” Then I’d know if people were cool because they’d ask, “Why’d you give your kid such a popular name.”

So I have a cool new job. I have a script I wrote being filmed. I’m working on my first iOS app. I have my first novel out. And I have a third kid on the way. Big year for me. Sorry to be so light on blogging lately, but them’s the breaks.

God bless.

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Random Thoughts: Bibi, the Clintons, and Filming

Friday, March 6, 2015 7:39 am

One of the best parts of the As You Wish Audible version is hearing Cary Elwes do imitations of everyone, including Bill Clinton.

It might have been a little insulting when Bibi Netanyahu offered to tutor Barack Obama on how to lead a country.

I don’t want to be distrustful, but do you ever get the feeling the Clintons aren’t always forthright?

Did a table read with the leads from the project I’m working on. Don’t want to overhype it, but it’s going to be the most awesome thing ever

I’m seeing buzz for an Eric Hoteham write in campaign.

A great promotion for The Moon is a Harsh Mistress movie would be a free lunch at McDonald’s with each ticket purchase.

“Hillary, who was legal counsel who said this email account was ok?”
“George.”
“George who?”
“George.. uh..” *looks at highball* “…Glass.”

Goal on film set today:
1. Don’t screw anything up.
2. Stay out of the way.

It’s pretty amazing watching John Papola direct. I feel like I only did half the storytelling with the script.

Awesome new job. A script I wrote is being filmed. Doing my first iOS app. First novel out. Third kid on the way. YEAR OF FRANK!

Not to be confused with “Flanders Religious” from The Simpsons.
Flanders Scientific

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8 Frank Rules For How Not to Tweet

Tuesday, March 3, 2015 2:12 pm

Because I love you all (in a extremely distant father sort of way), I’m now giving writing advice on PJ Media. This week, I’m telling you what not to do when Tweeting.

Enjoy!

BTW, did I mention I have a novel out?

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Wisdom of the Day: Drummer Jousting Emojis Boomerangs Ninjas Grenades

Monday, March 2, 2015 5:00 pm

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