“Dear Sir or Madam…” You’ve got my attention!

Interesting. The big, bloated PS3 started out at $600, but the PS4 is going to start out at $400… $100 cheaper than the XBox One.

I’ve gotten every Nintendo home console, but I currently have no interest in the Wii U and am looking at the coming options.

“Roads? Where we’re going, we don’t need roads. We’re going fishing. On a boat.”

Yeah, the PS4 seems like the better deal unless you really want your video game system spying on you 24/7.

I don’t see how a new season of The Newsroom could not be hilarious.

Where are the Rubios of yesteryear?

Maybe we should just tear down the government and start over. Aren’t we supposed to do that every so often when it gets stale?

I’m waiting for it to be revealed the the world’s oldest man was murdered by the world’s second oldest man. I should write for CSI.

Lindsey Graham is a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma that I’d rather chuck into the sea than figure out.

So what happens if I’m a libertarian? I hear its a permanent, yet treatable condition, though some claim to have been cured.

So the XBox One is $100 more than PS4, has slower RAM, will constantly spy on me, and I’ll only kinda sorta own the games I buy?

Why are we spying on American citizens? It’s foreigners that we’re scared of.

If we give amnesty to the illegal immigrants, do we have to pay them minimum wage?

Next time we make a government, we should put an expiration date on it.

How will this immigration bill affect this year’s Hunger Games?

It’s Gallup that said Bush is now more popular than Obama, so there might not even be a President Bush.

“It’s like Splinter Cell, but starring Juno.” I wish I could pitch video game ideas.

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I bet at the end of Game of Thrones we find out everything that happened was all in the imagination of an old fat guy with a beard.

— Bryan Donaldson (@TheNardvark) June 10, 2013

“Lol, are you seeing this?” – fish watching us swim

— Rory Patrick (@RorynotRoy) June 10, 2013

My pitch for The Purge 2: What if crime was legal for TWO days a year?

— Daniel Ralston (@danielralston) June 10, 2013

chocolate just tastes better when you pretend a fat German kid drowned in it

— Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) June 10, 2013

A good way to guarantee your kid never shaves their head is to tattoo “My mom is the coolest!” on it when they’re a baby.

— Matt Roller (@rolldiggity) June 10, 2013

Crime scene: The Invisible Man lies dead, decapitated by an invisible fence. Police officer, “Move along, people. Nothing to see here.”

— Shari VanderWerf (@shariv67) June 11, 2013

I just sprayed a spider with water sealant and now he’s probably an unstoppable killing machine.

— MJ (@sucittaM) June 11, 2013

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Obama has clarified his position saying, we “don’t want to tax all businesses out of business.” It’s good he did this, but it would be easy to get confused seeing Obamacare and the other taxes Obama has asked for and think, “This guy wants to destroy all business.” But I’m guessing at some point an account went up to Obama and said, “See; look at these numbers here: If we destroy all businesses, we’ll get zero in tax dollars.” And Obama was probably all like, “But I love tax dollars! That’s why I told the IRS to harass the Tea Party and get more tax dollars out of them!” And the accountant was like, “Then you’d better change your policy.” So Obama thought about it and was all, “What if I just tax most businesses our of business but keep a few around to pay me money?” And the accountant was probably silent a moment and then said, “I’ll have to run the numbers on that.”

So anyway, if you like your business, you may potentially get to keep it.

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So almost as disturbing as the mass surveillance the government is doing on all of us, apparently the government decided to trust its most precious secrets in the hands of a Ron Paul fan. I mean, I wouldn’t trust a Ron Paul fan to fetch donuts, and they’re giving him all the government’s secrets. You’d think some of the basic screening before giving someone a clearance would include asking, “Describe Ron Paul.” And if the person answered, “He’s the Thomas Jefferson of our day,” then they’d get him out of there as fast as possible.

I mean nothing against Ron Paul, but he’s crazy and his fans are even crazier.

…Which doesn’t mean they’re wrong about the government, unfortunately. Anyway, I’m putting “NSA: Do not read this email” at the top of all my emails, because I assume there is some sort of opt out on this thing. I mean, I don’t want the government stealing my next book idea. I am fine with them reading all the Obama bashing I do in private, though, and I hope they pass it on to Obama. He should know what I’m thinking and feel bad about himself.

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Obama: “I’m a pretty reasonable guy, and thus all my searches and seizures are reasonable.”

Obama: “I never read all the Bill of Rights, but I got the gist of it.”

When I thought of national intelligence, I thought of Jack Bauer torturing people, but now I have this unseemly vision of it in my head.

The only one who should be mass spying on everyone is Batman.

I assume they put an actual pole where the South Pole should be plus a sign that says, “Sorry; Santa is at other one.”

We caused the government to spy on us with our not trusting it.

“Oh, the NSA is run by US? Then which is the Russian intelligence agency?” -President Obama, on top of things

I’m just regular libertarian crazy, not “Ron Paul-fan” crazy.

If you wanted privacy in your communications, then you’d blink Morse code at each other.

If it will help stop terrorists, I don’t mind if the NSA reads my emails as long as they don’t read the ones I mark “NSA Don’t Read”.

So if I want to be like an armed hipster, do I conceal carry a musket?

And with everyone focused on Tebow, Obama’s Scandalanche is officially over.

I can’t believe NASA is spying on our phone calls! And you can’t go and complain because they’re up in that space station.

If these spying programs are necessary, show me a pile of terrorist skulls that are a result of it.

There are over six billion foreigners out there, and it’s only agencies like the NSA that keep them from eating us.

Man of Steel opens this Friday, known to most as “The Superman Movie” or “Please Don’t Suck.”

Conservatives never trusted the government. That why we only like it when its abuses are unleashed on terrorists.

I’m writing a children’s song called “There’s Nothing Worse Than Whining.” What rhymes with “Hitler”?

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Breaking: Obama surprised to find out reality is not scripted by Aaron Sorkin

— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) June 7, 2013

“Bear with me here.” — less-than-ideal way to announce that there is a bear with you

— Jason Miller (@longwall26) June 7, 2013

Trying to think of something more unnecessary than a bank robber telling me not to be a hero.

— Sixth Form Poet (@sixthformpoet) June 7, 2013

They should make Purge 2 a comedy, and it should be the OWS attacking the rich people mansion belonging to the cast of Duck Dynasty.

— Larry Correia (@monsterhunter45) June 7, 2013

I’d like to apologize to the schizophrenic rambling half naked homeless guy outside Wendys.Turns out you were right about the government

— Ben (@BenK84) June 7, 2013

I can’t wait to start couples therapy. I totally know I’m going to win.

— Nic Cage Match (@NicCageMatch) June 8, 2013

*throws salt in wife’s face* Oh sorry honey, I thought you were one of those giant sausages from Burgertime.

— patrick (@tastefactory) June 10, 2013

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Man, are they still working on that amnesty thing? Don’t we have enough problems right now? And are the really going to undo all the hard work Obama has done to combat illegal immigration by making this a country no one would bother breaking into?

Hey, I was thinking: With all this spying stuff, does anyone really believe that the government doesn’t know where all the illegal immigrants are? We should send drones after them. I mean, not blow them up — but drones that will just hover near them and politely ask them to leaves. “Hello, sir. You are here illegally. You need to return to your country of origin and then come back through legal channels.” If you come here illegally, you’re going to get harassed by polite yet persistent drones!

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Once this whole NSA thing is under wraps, we can go back to normal. But until then, I think we should speak in code. After all, we can’t be sure who is listening. Maybe we should go dark for a bit. Anyway, I don’t have much to say.

In fact, things have been look pretty good lately. Sure, there some bad economic indicators, but mostly everything is great.

Until Obama can fix all the problems he inherited from Bush, it’s not his fault anyway. Since his reelection, he hasn’t had time to do much, either. Eventually, things should really turn around, though. Like we’ll finally see some movement on unemployment. Elephants are a large mammal. So let’s not be so down on the president. Say what you will, but God bless him, he tries hard.

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“Today is the Purge.”
“Cool. Now I can finally get that tag off my mattress.”

“Sorry, we can only sell you a soda that size during the Purge.”

Obama’s administration taps more than [name of famous tap dancer].

Holder shouldn’t resign. He should be dragged by his mustache into prison.

Idea: Do a remake of 1984, but as a wacky comedy.
…Oh. wait; reality beat me to it.

The central theory of government is about how much power is it wise to give incompetent, untrustworthy idiots.

I think the best way for Obama to salvage his second term is to launch himself to the moon in a homemade rocket.

So about how many of my blog commenters are probably government spies?

It’s good the Matrix didn’t take place this year or they’d have way more trouble finding a landline to escape the Agents.

It’s funny, the only thing political in the Cosby Show I’ve seen is a feminist bent which is very quaint by today’s standards. A number of episodes have gone on about how Mrs. Huxtable is a working mother and they share chores, and that’s the extent of it.

Indie video games are all 8-bit style shooters where you fight gay cowboys for pudding.

I hate indie stuff. I’m always afraid I’m going to learn something or feel an emotion.

I get so sick of myself when I’m mindlessly partisan. And Democrats.

I’m not a comedian or a writer. I’m an electrical engineer trying to be funny on twitter. If that’s not your thing I hope catch fire and die.

They’re doing a remastered version of the NES Duck Tales game. That is awesome. It seems like I’m the main target age for nostalgia these days.

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live every day like it’s earth day (i ignore earth day)

— john freiler (@johnfreiler) June 6, 2013

FUN FACT: Births were invented by Hallmark to sell more birthday cards.

— Sixth Form Poet (@sixthformpoet) June 6, 2013

To do:1.Read one book.2.Ask someone if they’ve read that book.3.Act incredulous when they say no.

— Alex Baze (@bazecraze) June 6, 2013

If you didn’t want you internet usage monitored, you should have read the Users Agreement before you signed your birth certificate.

— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) June 7, 2013

Dude what if Siri is really an NSA technician

— Spencer Ackerman (@attackerman) June 7, 2013

If you get caught picking your nose, quickly shove the booger up the other person’s nose and then when they pick it out, they’re the weirdo.

— Guy Endore-Kaiser (@GuyEndoreKaiser) June 7, 2013

Protip: if you’re ever stranded somewhere and don’t have AAA, text stuff like “yeah 9/11″ and “Allah akbar” TO ANY NUMBER for a free pickup!

— Ken Jennings (@KenJennings) June 7, 2013

Too bad anti-stalker laws exclude the government.

— Jon Gabriel (@ExJon) June 7, 2013

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New Crowder video!

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So Scandalanche continues unabated. We thought we hit the tail end of it, and then we find out about the mass phone monitoring and now the mass internet monitoring. For all I know, the government could be coming in here and editing my posts. [We don't do that. -NSA]

This stuff is so bad, the New York Times(!) actually said, “The administration has now lost all credibility.” Man, I thought nothing short of Obama personally murdering the families of the NYTimes staff could get them to condemn him, but apparently there is a limit.

Except, the NYTimes has walked it back a bit and changed the line to “The administration has now lost all credibility on this issue.” Well, for one of the most mindlessly partisan organizations out there, baby steps.

So what’s left? There can’t be more scandals, can there? It doesn’t seem like this is ending, though. So here’s some guesses on what the next scandal will be:

POSSIBLE NEXT SCANDALS FOR OBAMA

* Despite him not being a U.S. citizen, Obama attempted to audit the pope.

* Obama briefly joined al Qaeda with his buddy Bill Ayers.

* Obama threatened to bomb Australia if they wouldn’t give him a pet koala.

* Obama’s job council is really just his Choom Gang reunion.

* Sandra Fluke is just Obama in a wig and makeup.

* Any time Obama visits Mexico, he works as a coyote on the way back.

* To balance the numbers on the Affordable Care Act, Obama looked into reinstating slavery.

* Part of Obama’s 2012 fundraising was selling nuclear secrets to North Korea.

* All major decisions in the administration are made by Joe Biden, or, if he’s unavailable, a baby hedgehog.

* All the intelligence leaks are from Obama’s split personality, Amabo.

* Obama founded the Black Eyed Peas.

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At least we know the NSA is hearing our concerns — no matter when or where we expressed them.

“I enjoy pointing out everything wrong with the GOP as the next RINO, but we may be harming more than we help.” -concern troll concern troll

I’m not compassionate enough about the poor to care for them by taking other people’s money at gunpoint.

One way of looking at it is that taxes are just a way of stealing money and government programs are how they launder it.

This revelation about Josh Barro has really rocked my previous, non-existent opinions about him.

Everyone stop freaking out about the mass spying. Obama only uses it for fundraising purposes.

If I haven’t update Facebook in a while, President Obama always pops up on my wall asking what I’m up to.

This wouldn’t happen in my ultra-libertarian moon colony.

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“Derp” sounds like one of mythological creatures M. Night Shyamalan invented for “Lady In the Water.”

— Ross Douthat (@DouthatNYT) June 5, 2013

Most female sloths are monogamous because their walks of shame can be up to 3 weeks long.

— Shari VanderWerf (@shariv67) June 5, 2013

If ancient peoples had to type with the sun shining right in their eyes, they may not have worshiped it.

— Josh Greenman (@joshgreenman) June 5, 2013

Fascism is forever falling on Republican Presidencies but landing on Democratic ones.

— DepressiveBlogger69 (@AceofSpadesHQ) June 6, 2013

Re the NSA scandal: Susan Rice just blamed season two of the Wire

— GregGutfeld (@greggutfeld) June 6, 2013

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So from Martin Bashir: “IRS” is the new n-word.

Man is that competition for “dumbest guy on MSNBC” hugely competitive. Does whoever win get like a million dollar bonus or something? Still rooting for Chris Matthews on this, but many think Al Sharpton has a lock. But as Bashir shows, it’s anyone’s game.

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So here’s video of Samantha Powers giggling about her oblique reference to the Jews controlling everything. Of course, there was Hagel going on about the Jewish lobby. What is about Obama nominees and sorts kinda not liking the Jews? I mean, they’re not outright, “Let’s get those Jews!” but more of a “It would be nice if those Jews weren’t in the way.”

But going by his picks, antisemitism is less important to Obama than just plain old dumb.

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You ready for a new Obama scandal? Of course you are. We only have like… well, I lost count two scandal ago. But anyway… the Obama administration ordered Verizon to hand over all its call data!

So Obama is just mass spying on everyone — me included (of course, I can’t even remember the last time I used my phone to actually make a phone call). Is this like legal? I didn’t think it was, but I’m just, you know, a guy who read the Constitution.

But anyway, I’m sure Obama will claim to know absolutely nothing about this as he has the last twenty scandals. He’s just the president of the United States; it’s not like it’s his job to know what’s going on in government. He’s just stumbling around the White House all day more clueless than a Joe Biden.

Hey, remember when the left were totally freaking out that Bush could possibly get your library records (but never actually did). I wonder what they’ll think of Obama actually getting everyone’s phone record. So the change in “hope and change” is that everything they feared Bush was going to do has now changed into being okay.

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Do I need to weigh in on this great “derp” debate?

Here’s a still relevant column I wrote on Susan Rice when she was being considered for Secretary of State.

Protect journalism, not journalists. No job title should give you special rights.

I can’t believe we still have archaic laws on the books that ban an unmanned drone from delivering pizzas.

Who is this influential and financially powerful group Obama nominees keep warning about?

Palestinians? More like FOE-estinians!

Who are your favorite Twitter follows for stealing jokes from?

I remember that Chris Rock routine about the difference between bureaucrats and the IRS, but I know better than to repeat it.

In a more perfect world, most of our politicians would be dragged off to prison in the middle of the night and never told why.

It would be disturbing if someone other than super-trustworthy Obama was mass spying on the American people.

Low level employees in Cincinnati have taken over the NSA! Someone alert Obama!

Obama promised change, and the difference between the 2008 Obama and what we have now was quite a change.

To keep defending Obama, at some point Democrats are going to start saying, “The only problem with Bush was he didn’t go far enough!”

This NSA scandal is so bad they’ll have to find someone who was going to retire next Friday and make him retire this Friday.

It’s not Obama’s job to know what the government is doing.

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One tragedy of firearm violence calls for an overhaul of gun rights, but systematic IRS abuse is fixed by shuffling people around. #LibLogic

— Razor (@hale_razor) June 4, 2013

Did you know?: The entire world population of clowns could fit inside a standard school bus.

— Matt Roller (@rolldiggity) June 4, 2013

Twitter is where I get to see the thoughts of everyday, regular stupid people that I’ve excluded from my actual life.

— DepressiveBlogger69 (@AceofSpadesHQ) June 4, 2013

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Newspapers have been having trouble for some time, but one, the New York Post, has made some good decisions that should help. First of all, they’ve had me write for them — one of the best ideas anyone in print can ever make. Second, they’ve now started a blog devoted to scifi, comic books, and video games. For the longest time, newspapers have always had this boring “sports” section but nothing devoted to actual interesting stuff like Star Wars and Batman and Legend of Zelda. Good to see newspapers growing up.

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