Author Archive

Wisdom of the Day: Shrunk Comma Wonka

Monday, October 6, 2014 5:00 pm

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

Random Thoughts: SJW, Birthday, and Taken 3

Monday, October 6, 2014 9:31 am

I’m just glad that none of the Professor Layton games ever had the puzzle “Fold a shirt.”

If a social justice warrior doesn’t publicly back-pat himself at least once per day, he’ll devolve into a racist, misogynist neanderthal.

My daughter’s 4th birthday is coming up and I haven’t thought of what to get her. How about a handshake and my respect?

I give it a 63% chance there is a ninja hanging from the ceiling of the White House right now.

Don’t want to sound like a conspiracy theorists, but Obama destroyed healthcare and gave us Ebola to keep us from looking into the moon landing.

Taken 3: The Search for Spock

“You just got tooked.” -Bob Takenowski, protagonist of Taken, upon shooting a guy

If you saw the Doctor Who Saturday night, it was a real tease, wasn’t it?

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

Wisdom of the Day: Remote Napkin Pizza Shoes Frankenstein Peabody Police Ebola

Friday, October 3, 2014 5:00 pm

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (4 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

Random Thoughts: California and Ebola

Friday, October 3, 2014 9:07 am

Sex in California now requires a notary public.

That’s progressivism. Starts with “Everyone should have sex all the time!” and eventually ends up with greater restrictions than Puritans.

The only time progressives have a problem with government restrictions on your personal life is when it’s done by other people than them.

Conservatives should be happy about California; they’re just one step away from requiring a marriage license to have sex.

“Now we need to pause this sex a moment for station identification.”

When near crowds of people, make sure to keep your mouth closed so no one vomits blood into it. #EbolaTips

It is not known whether getting your legs snagged by bolas can give you Ebola, so avoid getting pursued by ninjas. #EbolaTips

One of the main symptoms of Ebola to look for is sudden worry about diseases you read about online. #EbolaTips

Listen to me. I’m a doctor, for all you know.

The more knowledgable you are about Ebola, the more likely it will target you. It’s trying to eliminate threats. Remain ignorant. #EbolaTips

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (6 votes, average: 4.33 out of 5)

Now Is Not the Time to Turn This Country Around

Thursday, October 2, 2014 11:04 am

I have a new column up at PJ Media about the 2014 elections.

Now, I want to note that I don’t mean this analogy to be disrespectful to President Obama. But I think most historians will back me when I say his presidency is the equivalent of a dumb child running into tables.

Read. Enjoy. Share.

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (3 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

Wisdom of the Day: Screenwriters Rich Journalism

Monday, September 29, 2014 5:00 pm

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (5 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

Random Thoughts: Koran, Agreement, and Cigarettes

Monday, September 29, 2014 9:14 am

If there are parts of the Koran that say “Don’t murder people,” maybe in future editions they should bold those.

Can you imagine anything scarier than both major political parties being in complete agreement on everything?

SURGEON GENERAL WARNING: If you didn’t know cigarettes were bad for you until you read this, there is no hope for you.

What we need is a good guide on how to tell murdery Muslims from friendly ones.

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (5 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

Wisdom of the Day: Holder Forgery Freudian Girls

Friday, September 26, 2014 5:00 pm

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (3 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

Random Thoughts: Spanking, Eric Holder, and Groundhogs

Friday, September 26, 2014 9:25 am

Is spanking a modern thing? Or are people saying that something that’s been the norm forever is extremely detrimental?

And if spanking is so detrimental and it’s becoming less popular, shouldn’t we see better kids now? Because all I see are goobers.

More like Eric Dropper. #PoliticalHumor

I got the jackpot on the Daily Booster Wheel in Candy Crush, so dreams do come true.

Eric Holder should be able to turn his time as Attorney General into a high paying job as a lobbyist or black market arms dealer.

It would be helpful if progressives came up with a handy list of viewpoints we’re no longer allowed to question.

Ever try and listen to the lyrics of songs? Most of it is nonsense.

Even if you’re really happy from the result of Groundhog Day, you’re not supposed to spike the groundhog.

Lord, please save science from “pro-science” laymen.

“If you’re not very good at your job, surround yourself with people even worse at theirs.” -Barack Obama

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

Wisdom of the Day: Christine Murphy Dating Saluted Devil Cat Art

Thursday, September 25, 2014 5:00 pm

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (3 votes, average: 4.67 out of 5)

Random Thoughts: Salute, Religion, and Bending iPhones

Thursday, September 25, 2014 9:20 am

I correctly set my expectations about Obama after reelection and thus haven’t been legitimately outraged by anything he’s done in years.

Are some people outraged by the coffee cup salute? That just made me chuckle and say, “That’s our Obama.”

I know we like to say Islam isn’t the problem in the Middle East, but have they tried a different religion? Israel did, and that worked out.

Maybe ISIS will stop beheading people if we explain to them how they really should be focusing on climate change.

You want a larger iPhone that isn’t bendable? There is no pleasing you people.

I guess to fix the bendable iPhone problem, Apple will have to issue a firmer-ware update.

I did have to really love Lost at some point to let it make me that angry.

Dick Cheney bit Obama and he became one.

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

Random Thoughts: Lasers, Scientists, and Equality

Wednesday, September 24, 2014 9:13 am

In my opinion as a legal expert, that definitely appears to be a law of some sort.

What we need are space lasers. Terrorism won’t end until we can zap terrorists from space.

Ooh, so you’re a scientist, Neil DeGrasse Tyson? Did you invent a laser or an iPhone or anything useful? No? Then shut up.

“I have some new conclusions on black holes.”
“Thanks, Stephen Hawking. That’s super-useful. We’ll put that to good use right away.”

How many times a day am I supposed to apologize for being a straight white male?

We really should finish our previous wars before we begin starting new ones.

Despite all this feminism and equality stuff, women are still going to be the ones birthing babies, right? Because I ain’t doing that.

The reaction to True Detective casting of “Ah! White guys!” shows how many can’t draw a line between fighting racism and being race obsessed.

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (4 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

Wisdom of the Day: Punching Horns Germs Fly Corn

Tuesday, September 23, 2014 5:00 pm

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (4 votes, average: 3.50 out of 5)

Random Thoughts: Climate Change and Guns

Tuesday, September 23, 2014 9:05 am

So what if the climate is changing? It’s normal for things to change. You should know this from evolutions in Pokemon.

So far, all the new Doctors have been great. And Eccleston. #DoctorWho

Why is it extra threatening when a guy is found to have a whole arsenal of guns? A person can only ever use two at a time.

The Science Is Settled: We’re never going to care about climate change.

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

Wisdom of the Day: Hippo Chair Shout Frozen Krueger

Monday, September 22, 2014 5:00 pm

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (No Ratings Yet)

Random Thoughts: iPhone, Equality, and MMA

Monday, September 22, 2014 9:15 am

If you told me as a child that in 2014 people would stand hours in line to buy a phone, I would have thought the Soviets had won.

Is David Brooks a parody of something I just don’t get? I’ve never been able to fathom the existence of his columns.

So what’s the end goal of the equal pay bill? Women, despite wanting to stay home with kids, should be forced to work as many hours as men?

I hope at 75 I have a robot body with Gatling gun arms.

Is it sexist to be attracted to only one gender?

Just feed endangered species to the homeless. That gets rid of two problems.

If women want equality they have to commit like a ton more crime. Stop cooking dinner and start cooking meth.

Those big iPhone 6s all look so big and stupid. I’m glad – GLAD – that I’m not eligible for an upgrade yet with Verizon.

I’d say that’s the main problem with people’s conception of science: They think it deals with Truth when it actually only deals with truth.

Capital T Truth is the domain of religion. You can argue that’s unknowable, but it’s ludicrous to think science has anything to say about it.

I just remembered I had a record player as a little kid. I used to listen to Sesame Street on it. I’m older than I thought.

So which side is “anti-science” on the transgender issue? Kinda seems like it’s the ones acting like the X Y stuff doesn’t mean anything.

I get turning your brain off a little for the sake of tolerance, but when you have a man fighting a woman in MMA, turn it back on.

“So what is the game Destiny?”
“it’s a first-person shooter where…”
“ZZZZzzzzz…”

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

Wisdom of the Day: Bust Brains Valet Scotland Breath DeVitos Paint Death

Friday, September 19, 2014 5:00 pm

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

Spanking vs. Abuse

Friday, September 19, 2014 11:00 am

In his new video, Steven Crowder looks at spanking versus actual abuse:

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (3 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

Random Thoughts: Ground Troops, Scotland, and Apple

Friday, September 19, 2014 9:21 am

Make sure to read my short story on the truth behind science. It will make you a better person.

It won’t make you a better person. Because you’re great as is.

I’m against sending ground troops into Iraq. Space troops, though, would be awesome.

Remember when President Obama got a Nobel Peace Prize just for existing and some people thought that wasn’t mockable?

So basically, if Scotland secedes, the whole world collapses into anarchy?

I called up Apple and said I forgot my pin code and needed them to retrieve my user data, and they replied, “Nice try, pig!”

“What’s the deal with these serial killings?” -Jerry Seinfeld, homicide detective

A picture is worth a thousand words, but an emoji is worth -3.

So do a lot of people really not like the episode “Fly” from Breaking Bad? Just rewatched it, and it’s a great episode.

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (3 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

Wisdom of the Day: ISIS Squirrels Liquor Scotland

Thursday, September 18, 2014 5:00 pm

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)