Author Archive

Culture Warrior

Tuesday, July 15, 2014 11:30 am

We’re to the last few days of the Liberty Island PubSlush campaign.

Now, we all talk about wanting a country where more people respected freedom, but too much of the battle is done in politics which is like trying to drag people along with us. We want people to happily go down the path of liberty, and for that, we need to fight on the battleground of culture. And that’s what I’m doing now; I’m out there in the trenches, writing novels and stories and getting ready for the culture war. And so are others like me. Well, not just like me. I think I’ve kind carved out my own unique niche. It would be weird to find someone just like me. He might then be the evil Jrank F., fighting on behalf of the left. Hopefully that’s not true.

So what was I saying? Oh yeah, there’s me and other conservatives out there getting ready to fight on the side of culture, and you can support us by helping Liberty Island get its start so it can be a proper publishing house. So give to the PubSlush campaign and choose from lots of different rewards. And as long as you give at least $5, you will get my first novel. And as a new special reward, if you give $35 or more, you’ll get a signed copy of my novel Superego along with whatever reward you signed up for. And my novel will be epic. Think of that: a 100,000 words written by me. Can you imagine what they’ll be? No, you can’t. Only I could imagine that. And only I could write that novel. Scifi action adventure with a punch of humor. It’s unimaginable how entertained you will be. I envy you. Until I remember I’m me.

So give to the campaign and spread the word. And remember: $35 or more gets a signed copy of Superego along with whatever reward you sign up for. And you only have until Friday to join in. So, let’s hit the $25,000 goal. And let’s win this culture war for the soul of America and liberty.

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Random Thoughts: Israel, Errors, and Superman

Tuesday, July 15, 2014 9:00 am

Maybe they honestly thought Israel liked having rockets fired at them.

“No no no. We’re the Manson Family political wing.”

Good rule of debugging: A really esoteric sounding compiler error usually means a really simple mistake.

I remember when C compilers used to spit out the most complex sounding errors if you ever forgot a semicolon on a line.

You only have until Friday to give to the Liberty Island PubSlush campaign and get rewards (like my novel).

Originally, Superman worked at a newspaper so he could hear about things as they happened. Nowadays, he’d just be a dork on Twitter.

Just saying the name “Jack Bauer” renders lesser terrorists unconscious.

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Wisdom of the Day: Fist Murder Shell Young Germany

Monday, July 14, 2014 5:00 pm

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Random Thoughts: Israel, Minecraft, and World Cup

Monday, July 14, 2014 9:00 am

I’m guessing hearing about the GOP Convention was the tipping point for LeBron.

People are firing missiles into Israel and there is some sort of debate whether to murder the crap out of those people? I don’t get that.

If people are firing missiles into your country, it’s irresponsible to not murder the crap out of them.

Minecraft for iOS finally got the infinite worlds update. I had no interest in it without that.

I bought Minecraft for PC back when it was in alpha. Tell today’s kids that and they’ll act like you worked on the Apollo missions.

Once on a plane I sat next to a guy who worked on the Apollo missions (the unused escape system). That was awesome.

If Palestinians hunted down and murdered the crap out of people firing rockets at Israel, Israel wouldn’t have to.

What’s the best case scenario the guys firing rockets at Israel are hoping for? They’ll hit weak spot and it’ll blow up like the Death Star?

Finally listened to the song “MacArthur Park.” It is unbelievably awful. Could only get through two instances of the chorus.

I don’t care how long they took to bake it; I could not take it.

How in the world did that hit number 2 in the late 60s? Drugs doesn’t even explain it.

I just can’t imagine any state of mind where I could take that song seriously.

Wait, the guy singing that awful MacArthur Park song is Dumbledore? Man, that song baffles me on so many levels.

We’re to the best teams of the World Cup, so we’re now watching the very best players not score goals.

That was the last game of the World Cup? But I wasn’t done making fun of soccer!

Whoops. I got kickboxing confused with box-kicking. I’m a champion box-kicker.

Realized I need to hunt down original edition of Star Wars movies before daughter old enough to watch them or she’ll never hear “Yub Nub.”

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It’s IMAO’s 12th Blogiversary!

Friday, July 11, 2014 11:00 am

…Or it was, two days ago.

I’m just the worst blogger lately, aren’t I. Well, things are very much in flux for me. At least I’ve got some other writing stuff going on, like my books coming out (and the crowdfunding for Liberty Island which will be publishing my first novel has now passed $10,000).

So, what are your fond IMAO memories of the past dozen years? I remember when I had more time for blogging. Well, perhaps again one day.

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Random Thoughts: Perry, Coolness, and Vox

Friday, July 11, 2014 10:01 am

If the job of the president is to help make jobs and secure the border, is Rick Perry more our president than Obama?

Don’t listen to kids who tell you if you smoke marijuana or if you impeach Obama you’ll be cool.

“I’m a hyper-partisan liberal with the intelligence of a ferret; perhaps Vox can explain this to me!”

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Wisdom of the Day: Batman Right Kidneys City

Thursday, July 10, 2014 5:00 pm

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Random Thoughts: Compassion and Outrage

Thursday, July 10, 2014 9:00 am

The compassionate thing to do would be for the government to adopt all those kids at the border and put them in a super soldier program.

I’d like to join in the outrage, but I’m kinda done pointing out Obama is not a very good president. Nothing left to say.

“I’m not interested in making plausible statements.”

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Wisdom of the Day: Hormonal Ginger iPhone Culture Germans Soccer Brazil

Wednesday, July 9, 2014 5:00 pm

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Random Thoughts: Progressive and Germany Versus Brazil

Wednesday, July 9, 2014 9:00 am

The council shall be called in the Land of Cleve.

Have we ever considered just not having a president? He might be more trouble than he’s worth.

I’m glad the World Cup is over.

I’m a bit confused: Is “progressive” a euphemism for “liberal” or for “fascist”?

I’m possibly a liberal. Don’t think I’m a progressive. At least not in the direction most progressives want to go.

I guess the U.S. really did deserve to move on for losing to Germany by only one goal.

Starting to finally look like an American football score.

I really hadn’t been paying attention to the World Cup; so had Brazil successfully won a soccer game before?

Germany is only one touchdown ahead with 12 minutes left. Could be anyone’s game.

If you see a German smiling, you know something awful is happening.

Brazil’s seeker better catch the Golden Snitch soon.

Scoring that goal was a big mistake. Now they just made the Germans angry.

I hope we all learned from Brazil the dangers of caring about soccer.

Hopefully Brazil will wake up tomorrow and this was all just a horrible dream.

Scientists predicted that global warming could lead to lopsided German victories at soccer.

Can you buy Kindle books from Costco? Otherwise, don’t care.

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Wisdom of the Day: Duck Studies Vegan Marty Knight Run Chef

Tuesday, July 8, 2014 5:00 pm

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Nothing Threatens the Left Like the Right Fighting the Culture War

Tuesday, July 8, 2014 11:00 am

Since Adam Bellow wrote his article in the National Review about conservative fiction and the culture war, he’s gotten quite a bit of pushback from the the left (here, here, and here). There is quite a bit the left finds threatening about this, as they like to see themselves as the ones with new and revolutionary ideas, but the “conservative” label almost fits them more these days as they’re all stuck on stale, old ideas, and it’s the right that threatens to bring something new.

Anyway, I wonder what the reaction will be when Liberty Island publishes its first novel, Superego, by me, Frank J. Fleming. Hopefully everyone right and left will love it. You’d have to be a horrible person not to. And you can still preorder it by giving to the Liberty Island PubSlush campaign. Just ten days left to get the rewards.

Also, I do have another humor book coming out in November, Punch Your Inner Hippie, so save your pennies for all my books. I’m a book writer now, I guess.

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Random Thoughts: Mr. T, Hillary Book, and Community

Tuesday, July 8, 2014 9:00 am

In my slash fiction, DOS and Linux both use the same slash for moving through their directory structures.

Will someone please explain to us what sort of border laws we’re allowed to have and to expect people to obey?

My three year old daughter has banned me from doing a Mr. T impersonation :(

I didn’t know she had that authority.

It’s just that anytime I see 1yo drinking milk, can’t help but say in Mr. T voice, “Stay in school! Don’t do drugs! Drink your milk!”

The one year old finds that hilarious.

No one reading the Hillary book. Out a month, and someone just noticed it’s “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy” over and over.

You need guns to enforce a gun ban. Makes you think.

With the amount of regulations on businesses, you’d think they were one of the most dangerous threats to our country.

Hard to believe this Yahoo resurrecting Community thing. Giving show same budget NBC did. How does Yahoo even still have money?

Not to look a gift horse in the mouth; it’s just so unexpected. BTW, when Community returns, everyone watch it. EVERYONE!

24 has gotten me thinking: If ended up in a war with China, who would build our… everything?

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Wisdom of the Day: Reeves Screen War Relations Soccer Mario Story

Monday, July 7, 2014 5:00 pm

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Making the World Cup More Exciting

Monday, July 7, 2014 11:00 am

Now that the World Cup is over (as far as I know), what are some ideas for making soccer more exciting so that Americans might pay it attention?

With all respect to the performance of Tim Howard, to me the number one idea is getting rid of the goalie. The main thing that makes soccer so boring is so little scoring, so no goalie should help that right away. Just imagine if basketball had a guy whose job it was to hang on the basket and swat down every shot; think of how little scoring and how boring basketball would then be. Plus, a no goalie rule would keep soccer’s silly “no hands” rule more pure.

Yes, with no goalie, the U.S. would have probably have lost like 18-5 against Belgium, but that’s just the ridiculousness of one guy carrying the whole team. And an 18-5 would mean stuff happening throughout the game, instead of just three goals in the extra 30 minutes added after the mindnumbingly boring 0-0 tie in the first 90 minutes.

So how would you make soccer more exciting?

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Random Thoughts: Freedom, Humor, and Independence Day

Monday, July 7, 2014 9:00 am

Problem of our freedom solutions to the Hobby Lobby decision is the presumption that imposing the state on religious beliefs isn’t the goal.

I’d care so much less about politics if we just made it harder to vote away my freedoms.

I wish we had a more honest debate where the people against individual freedom came out and said so instead of trying to redefine freedom.

We’re trying to come up with “live and let live” solutions for people who don’t want to live and let live.

I’m sounding too righteous. I’m boring myself.

If at this point you still believe Obama has any idea how to create jobs, there is no help for you.

If we’re not going to advance in space any time soon, can we at least work on making battlemechs?

This has to be the best optical illusion I’ve seen. Figures in both pictures are exactly the same color and shading.

Wasn’t able to convince my brain of that. Had to prove it with photoshop.

Previously, I always thought this was the best optical illusion, where squares A and B are actually same color.

I mean “best” in that no matter how hard I stare at them, I can’t convince my brain the truth of the matter.

Did you know that Israel was founded by the Koch brothers?

These sort of articles always seem to be rooted in huge amount of insecurity.

I wrote an article on why the left can’t be funny. It’s stupid, but still less stupid than what Kevin Drum wrote.

I think the left have trouble with right-wing humor because we’re laughing at them and that’s never fun.

If they actually could laugh at themselves, they might like it, but for too many on the left, their politics is super serial, you guys.

Asserting that the left takes politics less seriously than the right should disqualify you from commenting on anything else ever again.

Why it’s just so absurd to me is I’ve long done a parody of extreme right to a mainly right-wing audience.

The right are very receptive to laughing at their own politics if they feel you’re laughing with.

Extreme partisans on either side tend to be humorless, though.

But part of being a conservative is having many things in your life much more important than politics.

Gah. I’m doing too many lectures these days. I want to punch myself.

The left and right agree at least half of politicians are pretty awful; shouldn’t that lead to both sides wanting less powerful government?

If global warming is real, then how come it’s made up?

Happy Independence Day! Also know as WHAT THE %#@& IS GOING ON?!! Day to dogs.

Worth noting this country wasn’t founded because the British were failing to supply entitlements.

“The government won’t force my employer to give me the birth control I want? Revolution!”

“The government won’t enact common sense gun control? Time to take up arms and overthrow it!”

Your liberty was hard won with much blood and sacrifice. Don’t trade it for baubles.

Remember, the worst thing you can do for a scared dog is coddle it. Shout “Tough it out!” just like you would for your scared child.

Why don’t the British ever just ask Americans how to pronounce words correctly?

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Wisdom of the Day: Suicide Meds Boycotting Captioning Heaven Dancing Drinking Choice Dad

Thursday, July 3, 2014 5:00 pm

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Random Thoughts: Feminism, Redskins, and Transformers

Thursday, July 3, 2014 9:00 am

Call me old fashioned, but I don’t get why women can’t make us sandwiches before heading off to their feminist meetings.

State of gun rights fight: Weak request not to bring guns into store now “big win” for gun control.

When Obama puts “President” on his resume and applies for his next job, he’s going to really hope no one actually calls his references.

How about Washington keep the Redskins name but change their mascot to someone with first degree burns.

So, we didn’t win at soccer, but we should console ourselves with the fact that it’s a really really stupid sport.

So are we all prepared for the baby boom now that birth control has been outlawed?

We really need simple kids books explaining what is and isn’t freedom. Also one illustrating TANSTAAFL.

“My rights have been violated because I can’t force my employer to pay for Plan B!” We need to teach our children better.

“Because some men aren’t looking for anything logical, like plot or coherency. Some men just want to watch a Transformers movie.”

Not to disrespect Tim Howard, but wouldn’t soccer be 100x more exciting without goalies? Would’ve lost like 18-5 against Belgium, though.

It’s very hard these days to tell who really cares about civil rights and who only really cares about self-back-patting.

I think the average American is just confused on whether it’s wrong to have a border policy in general and to expect people to obey it.

I don’t care how many followers this will lose me: I think racism is wrong.

If you’re trying to save characters on twitter, another word for “semiautomatic gun” is “gun.”

Make sure to support Liberty Island and get my first novel when it comes out.

A lot of you people who think you’re oppressed are really just very whiny.

“Quit whining.” -the entirety of my inauguration speech as president #FrankJ2016

If a large number of population can’t even name the current president or recognize his face, then you have a great president. #FrankJ2016

Since both people for and against the Hobby Lobby decision are saying, “Birth control is not your boss’s business!” someone must be confused

Could Facebook revealing they’ve been doing a mood experiment be part of the mood experiment?

As for the games tomorrow, I don’t think you’re allowed to watch soccer on Independence Day.

I guess I’m a feminist, because I support a cheerleader’s right to hunt big game animals.

We get all angry when a human murders an animal, but did you know that most animal murder is a result of animal on animal violence?

I’ve never seen everyone outraged when a man poses next to dead lion. Only outrage when it’s an attractive woman. #mysogyny

The Jerk Store called; they’re no longer hiring because of fear of Obamacare mandates.

Transformers sequels are a failure of the free market. We need a law that if your movie is stupid nonsense, it can’t be longer than 90min.

I’m mainly a libertarian, but I’m not comfortable with my neighbor having a nuclear weapon or anymore Transformer movies.

The left is afraid religious will force their views on everyone because that’s exactly what the left does when they have any amount of power.

I’m always trying to boycott Hobby Lobby, but my wife keeps dragging me in there.

This is a fun logic game and I guess you learn geometry.

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Wisdom of the Day: Choice Maroon Bathwater Cannon Bully Wallet Belgium Whining Favorite Howard

Wednesday, July 2, 2014 5:00 pm

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Hated Animals

Wednesday, July 2, 2014 11:00 am

Out of curiosity, what animals do you hate? And let’s not talk about insects or common pests like mice. For instance, I hate Canada geese. Giant, stupid pooping birds that walk around like they own the place. Not sure if we call them Canada geese because they are from Canada or because we despise them as much as we do Canada. Also, I don’t like bears. Don’t know why something that eats berries and fish has to be a giant killing machine. It’s weird.

And don’t even get me started on monkeys.

So what animal do you hate?

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