Author Archive

Random Thoughts: Black Widow, Britain, and Semicolons

Monday, May 11, 2015 8:12 am

Not much of a feminist, but it was disturbing how much emphasis there was in the Avengers movie on Black Widow making all the men sandwiches.

Not much of a feminist, but not sure about the scene where it’s revealed it’s the Black Widow’s time of the month and she out-rages the Hulk.

Not much of a feminist, but I’m not sure about that scene in Avengers where the Black Widow is disabled by a math question.

Britain has elections? I thought they just had joust tournaments to pick a new king.

Going back to JavaScript and C#, Swift has convinced me that semicolons are annoying and unnecessary.

I mean in programming; in writing, I love semicolons!

Remember when forgetting a semicolon led to the most cryptic errors? Now IDE’s are like “You forgot a semicolon.”

But if the IDE’s know where semicolons should be, just proves they aren’t really necessary in the first place.

I think a good solution to the poll problems in the British election is to label all future polling with “For entertainment purposes only.”

My almost 2yo has started asking “Why?” when I tell him to do something. Hey, buddy, you don’t have enough a vocabulary for reasoning.

It’s like when I ask him a question and he pauses to think of the answer. How many file folders could he possibly have to search through?

He know like maybe 100 words. How inefficient would his search engine have to be to need to think about anything?

There a word yet for news sites that are “satirical” but no one ever links to them because they’re funny but only because they got duped?

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Wisdom of the Day: Memory English Leo Gun Heroin Restaurants Outgunned Chameleon Cop

Thursday, May 7, 2015 5:00 pm

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Random Thoughts: The Simpsons, Hillary, and Mocking Religion

Thursday, May 7, 2015 8:07 am

It’s safe to say humanity in general is a good thing. I mean, dog’s really like us, and how could they and their wagging tails be wrong?

Ever since he killed off Anya like that, I don’t care what bad things happen to Joss Whedon.

I might like robocalls from politicians if it sounded like an actual robot was calling me — like Soundwave from the Decepticons.

The left seem determined to root out any liberalism left in its ranks.

At this point, I’m unlikely to watch a new episode of The Simpsons until the finale, so I’m looking forward to that.

What I’m most looking forward to is my kids being old enough to watch the first ten seasons with them.

“Classic Itchy & Scratchy! …What else is on?” That was me about 20 season into The Simpsons.

You can draw Jesus all you want and no one will try to murder you. Draw Jesus today!

Is it still considered a vegan meal if you stole it from a herbivore you murdered?

Hipsters celebrate Cinco de Aioli.

I was going to make fun of everyone doing those overdone “Cinco de Mayo/Mayonnaise” jokes, but then I thought of a good one.

The great thing about Hillary Clinton as a presidential candidate is that everyone already knows not to trust her.

The more disappointed you are by the winning presidential candidate, the less you’ll be let down later.

We all agree everyone should have the freedom to mock Islam — or any other religion or belief system — and not be murdered? Right?

In the new Community eps, I’m really liking the character Frankie and how she doesn’t quite exist in the same universe as the show.

In a way, she’s like an Abed in that she sorts breaks the fourth wall, but she does it as outsider instead of insider. #Community

I guess I should read the Constitution. Is there a version illustrated with GIFs from Firefly?

I’m just waiting for the grittier, more realistic reboot of Grimace. Related: What the hell is Grimace?

As a wise man once told me: “Don’t worry what Grimace is. Just be glad he’s on our side.”

Can we at least all agree that getting worked up over a non-Muslim drawing Muhammad is really stupid?

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A Long Time Until Now

Monday, May 4, 2015 11:00 am

Michael Z. Williamson, friend of IMAO, has a new novel premiering in hardcover today, A Long Time Until Now.

It’s about ten soldiers getting stuck in the stone age. Here’s an article on the research Williamson did for this novel. I’ve started reading the novel and it’s really cool — very realistic and detailed. So check it out if you’re looking for something to read after the previous novel you read.

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Random Thoughts: Avengers, Boxing, and Monarch Babies

Monday, May 4, 2015 8:34 am

I’m actually a bit surprised about how many people have been willing to listen to ten and a half hours of my writing.

Are Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders running for president of the United State or of Del Boca Vista?

Most gun ranges don’t let you practice firing 2 pistols while diving through the air because of “safety.” We are becoming culture of sissies.

The new Avengers movie doesn’t appeal to me. I don’t care how old Ultron is.

Gah! First negative review for Superego on Amazon. At least he implies I appeal to today’s youths.

I have to say, I’ve internalized the narrative enough that the photos of the indicted officers was a bit of a surprise.

Instead of learning not to be racist, it’s like we’re instead learning new ways to be racist.

We’re all expecting to be extremely disappointed by every DC movie being worked on, right?

Everyone is tired with the crap coming out of Washington DC. But they’re excited for what’s coming from Washington Marvel.

I wonder if in season 2 of Daredevil if they’ll do storyline where Matt Murdock can’t afford rent in the city and becomes the Jersey Devil.

So I hear there is a big boxing match tonight, or as its known in other countries, an American punch battle.

I love cheering on a boxing match.
“Punch!”
“Punch some more!”
“Even more punching!”
“Refs not looking – kick!”

Who cares who the fastest horse is? I bet I could still easily beat it in a race with my Hyundai.

The president has greeted the new royal baby with a formally issued death threat. Just an old American tradition with English monarchs.

I was supposed to somersault across the swamp? Spent hours trying to figure 1st level of The Last Ninja. That knowledge is 25 years too late.

New Joker is a great idea. Just tattoo characters with everything we need to know about them. Characterization eats up valuable screen time.

Defense of free speech is a microaggression.

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Wisdom of the Day: Violent Connect Ghostbuster Rioting Rand Zebra Dodge

Thursday, April 30, 2015 5:00 pm

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Random Thoughts: Rule of Law, State and Religion, and Fission

Thursday, April 30, 2015 8:24 am

For ending to Superego, some reviews have called it too abrupt while others point it out as one of the best parts.

Endings are hard. I can think of few things in fiction where I loved the ending. Mainly successful twist endings.

For movies, I think the best ending I’ve seen is for The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly. Perfect resolution for the three characters.

If some are able to injure and kill others without punishment, you don’t have the rule of law and that is not a happy place to be.

A little more rioting, and I’m sure we can sort this out to the benefit of all.

It’s really hard to take seriously any criticism of capitalism that’s instantly shared worldwide through the internet.

When we’re talking about abuse of government power, I think a guilty until proven innocent standard is best.

Where did the whole idea that marriage should involve a man and a woman come from anyway?

I’m just a bit skeptical the Founding Fathers hid gay marriage in the Constitution and we just didn’t find it until now.

You could remove marriage from government for being a religious institution, but redefining it is silly and shortsighted.

Of course, redefining marriage started with changes in divorce law. Lesson: Keep your church and state separate.

When the definition of marriage is up to the state, social engineering is inevitable. The point should be to avoid that.

The blind lawyer Batman show made me realize how good a regular Batman show could potentially be.

One with adult Batman. Not baby Batman like the show currently on FOX.

People, stop crashing on the highway. It really inconveniences me.

Was thinking it’s inevitable next president will inherit a growing economy because it has to rally some time, but starting to wonder.

Eh, we should stumble into some growth soon. At least for some states. Like Texas.

We’re possibly approaching a society where it’s considered worse to hurt someone’s feelings than to shoot him.

So what’s the PC term for people who gleefully commit random acts of destruction and violence?

Still baffled how Ben Affleck failed upward from Daredevil to Batman.

One of the secrets to good health is to use microaggressions to intimidate viruses and bacteria.

I once met a police officer and he seemed nice, so I don’t get what the problem is.

What did people do with opinions before the internet?

Gah! I just found out I referred to stars doing fission in Superego! How did no one catch that until now?

Well, it came up in a Rico monologue, so I guess we can say he made the mistake and not me.

Or I just have to live with the mistake and say he lives in some alternate universe where stars work by fission. I’ll expand that in sequel.

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Wisdom of the Day: Lunatic Flowers Doctor Autocorrect Petition Fatality

Monday, April 27, 2015 5:00 pm

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EconPop: The Shawshank Redemption

Monday, April 27, 2015 11:00 am

A new EconPop from Emergent Order, this one on the movie The Shawshank Redemption and supply and demand:

Enjoy!

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Random Thoughts: Star Wars and Hillary

Monday, April 27, 2015 7:52 am

I have a special ring which shows I’m a member of the patriarchy. Or maybe it’s just my wedding ring.

The Republican who can beat Hillary is whichever one can successfully summon a Patronus.

Why are we acting like it’s bad Harry Reid was beaten up by the mob. Would we rather he was good friends with the mob?

How many more decades of this until we admit the War on Stars has failed?

His hair isn’t gray because Wookies live for centuries, people! How do you not know this? What do they teach in schools?

Is my novel better than Star Wars? Well, it’s at least better than the Star Wars novelizations. Of which I only read The Phantom Menace.

With these Star Wars sequels, will we finally get the answer about what ultimately happened to Jar Jar Binks?

Actually, I am legitimately curious in what happened to Naboo after everything. Maybe they used it for beta testing the Death Star.

“They elect teenage girls as queens? That’s stupid. Warm up the Death Star lasers.”

You think midichlorians are going to get mentioned in the new Star Wars movies, or are we all on board with pretending that never happened?

“The Force is strong in my family. My father has it. I have it. My sister has it. Anyone who bought midichorlian supplements at GNC has it.”

“I’m the good guy, Anakin. I’m the one who cares and can help save your wife. Now force choke this puppy to prove your loyalty.”
“Okay.”

Great, all this new Star Wars trailer is doing is reminding me how awful the prequels were.

Having watched the leaked trailer, I was surprised to find myself instantly siding with Ben Affleck Batman over that stuck up Superman.

We need some government PSAs about not taking video in portrait mode.

I’ll never forget where I was when Kennedy was shot: In the grassy knoll framing Lee Harvey Oswald.

The two things people despise the most these days are racism and white people.

Smart, self-driving vehicles used to be the most common mode of transportation, but people got tired of stepping in horse poop.

Wow. Five 12 hour days of shooting was pretty tiring. Can’t imagine what it’s like doing a feature. Well, one day…

My 4yo daughter had her first tee-ball game today. I lost count of the unforced errors.

Billy Joel is right: We didn’t start the fire. Other people did all that stuff in his song. This is all their fault.

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Hey

Tuesday, April 21, 2015 11:16 pm

Twelve hour plus filming days all this week. I’ll blog some more eventually, I swear. Just not this week.

But you’ll all get to see the fruits of my labor eventually. Be excited!

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Wisdom of the Day: Daredevil Kids Extra Hillary American

Wednesday, April 15, 2015 5:00 pm

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5 Rules to Avoid Being a Boring Writer

Wednesday, April 15, 2015 11:00 am

I found out a lot of people don’t write interesting stuff like me. They’re boring and stupid and just waste everyone’s time. So at PJ Media I wrote some tips on how to hold a reader’s interest. Yes, that’s right: My writing secrets now wielded by you. Try them out in the comments and see if you can be so interesting I’ll actually read what you wrote.

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Culture Warring

Wednesday, April 15, 2015 9:30 am

The Blaze has up an excerpt from Superego if for some insane reason you still need convincing to buy it. My humor + action/thriller + some light philosophical overtimes — how can you resist?

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Random Thoughts: Hillary, Earnings, and Daredevil

Wednesday, April 15, 2015 7:59 am

Problem with Hillary is she’s just not very personable. Only time she shows genuine emotion is when threatening to swallow people’s souls.

“Do you want guac on that?”
“Let me ask my consultants.”
“Guac costs extra. Could make you look elitist.”

I am not going to rest until all of you read Superego. Because I am concerned for your happiness.

“Look at Hillary order from Chipotle! She thinks she’s people!”

“Hi. I’m Hillary, and I am just like you, single young females. You know as they say: You are what you soak in the blood of.”

Women, who tend to not work as many years in the workforce as men, earn less than men. Did anyone ask if they wanted to work more?

If you interpret the 78% statistic as women earning less for the same work, the reason you earn less is because you’re a gullible idiot.

So does Chef Gordon Ramsay ever make an appearance on Daredevil?

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Random Thoughts: Ready for Hillary!

Monday, April 13, 2015 9:26 am

I can get Amazon PrimeNow at my office. I wield power that even the greatest kings never had.

What boots did Nancy Sinatra have before she got ones made for walking? Rocket boots made for flying? Much more interesting to sing about.

Hillary Clinton is going to run for president again? Cool. Last time, a charismatic empty suit dashed her dreams, but she’s not deterred.

Hillary is pretty old, but I’d kinda prefer a president who would just sleep most of the day. 2nd best thing to another Coolidge.

I’m a little afraid that if Hillary fell down and couldn’t get up, she might mistake the nuclear football for her medical alert bracelet.

Republicans act a little too scared of Hillary. How bad can someone be who has a whole house made out of candy in the middle of the woods?

“My emojis aren’t tolerant enough.” Man, I’m hoping we’ve finally reached peak asininity.

So is the idea that in 2008 we just weren’t ready for Hillary? We did not complete the requisite Hillary prep?

“In 2008, there was still some hope left. But now… we’re ready for Hillary!”

One thing I’ll say about the new Daredevil show: That’s the tiniest font for opening credits I’ve ever seen.

No way anyone would try font that small in a pre-HD era. #Daredevil

“I can’t win this without your support.” -Hillary Clinton to her walker

You don’t have a soul if you don’t feel at least a little sympathy for the people pretending to be excited by a Hillary candidacy.

Maybe Hansel and Gretel tricked her into her oven. #WhyHillarysAnnouncementIsLate

“Hello. 40 years ago I was married to an extremely lecherous president when the economy was good. Please elect me president, too.”

Democrats rejected her 8 years ago as not exciting enough, but now that’s she even older and less relevant… there are no better choices.

This is going to be boring presidential campaign. I already wore myself out on making fun of Hillary 20 years ago.

If we get the right rich person to push people around with the right laws, everything will be good.

So when will get to the point that Democrat presidential candidates can stop pretending to be Christian?

The big question for 2016 will be how much as a country have we just plain given up.

This is a bit like if the GOP went for younger, more interesting candidate than Dole in 1996 then acted all excited for him 8 years later.

Then again, the young people who didn’t want Hillary in 2008 are now 7 years older and had the hope beaten out of them. #ReadyForHillary

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Random Thoughts: Wasserman, Audible, and Duck Tales

Friday, April 10, 2015 9:56 am

Back in my day, we retweeted everything by hand.

Debbie Wasserman-Schultz: “Whatever should be allowed for abortion should be between a woman and Doctor Gosnell.”

I believe in execution in some cases. Like the Joker. Really stupid they haven’t executed the Joker. He’s going to escape and kill again.

If I ever mansplain something to you, you thank me.

Best book I have read this year.” Really nice review of Audible version of Superego.

Sorta wish I could have done Audible version of Superego myself. Would love to have read for Rico. Not so much for Diane.

Overall, better to let a professional do it who knows how to keep all character voices distinct.

The humor in Superego seems to be a big selling point, but I never thought to mention that. It was supposed to be my first serious book.

The next novel I’m finishing up I think is funnier than Superego, but still not quite what I’d call a comedy.

I’ve had the Duck Tales theme song stuck in my head for three days now. Not sure I’m complaining.

My little sister was costume designer for new original series on Hulu Resident Advisors.

My sister is coming down to Austin to work on a project with Emergent Order. Will be my first time to work with her professionally.

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Wisdom of the Day: Rand Eve Apple Dumpster Haircut George

Thursday, April 9, 2015 5:00 pm

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Random Thoughts: Rand, Roads, and Punishment

Wednesday, April 8, 2015 8:31 am

I think the best way Ron Paul could help Rand Paul in the Republican primary would be to denounce him.

“Roads? Where we’re going, we don’t need roads.” -Doc Brown advocating a libertarian future

If your bill gets struck down by a unanimous Supreme Court decision, you should be imprisoned for trying to subvert the Constitution.

We need to be constantly thinking of more ways to punish and imprison our legislators. That’s just common sense.

I’ll vote for whichever Republican candidate causes the most irrational freak outs.

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Wisdom of the Day: Wrong Car Legend Burn Plead Stingrays Heist Fabrication Bill Law Punch

Tuesday, April 7, 2015 5:00 pm

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