Random Thoughts: New York Values and Trump

Who’s dumber: Enthusiastic Trump supporter or people who gave millions to Jeb?

“I liked your take down of a right-winger in the YouTube comment section. Half your words were spelled correctly! Want to write for Salon?”

Glad Mad Max got best picture nom. It’s an actual movie with action and special effects. Not some talky-feely nonsense.

How is “New York Values” an insult? And why did those cowboys want to lynch a guy when his salsa was from NYC? I don’t understand!

Wow. Ted Cruz is really losing the New York vote.

“I can’t believe Cruz is insulting my New York values! And this soda is too large; who is going to stop me from drinking it?”

This is stupid. If your reaction to “New York values” was anything other than “what an effective insult” you fail politics 101.

“Hey! I have values that should be respected and not insulted over here!”

When people say “New York values” everyone gets a very specific image in mind. Usually it’s Kylo Ren.

To be honest, I’m actually pretty curious what general election Trump would be like.

I good example of New York values would them banning people from insulting New York values.

I hope Trump is president because then in 2020 the “Dump Trump” slogan writes itself.

Who knew New Yorkers would be so sensitive to the fact that the rest of the country hates them and everything they stand for?

When you insult New York values, you insult America. The absolute worst part of America.

I kid. Who doesn’t love New York? They got pizza slices there.

I understand if you think Hillary is strategically good choice, but stop pretending to be excited about her. It’s embarrassing for everyone.

“We’re super duper excited for this candidate we tossed away as old news back in 2008!”

“Stop pretending there are smart people we can elect who will actually fix things. Vote for Trump.”

“Admit it’s a broken system and vote for a broken person. Elect Trump.”

More important than suing gun companies is being able to sue politicians for the damage their laws do.

“SMOD has abandoned you. Vote Trump.”

Did the DNC successfully negotiate that no video cameras are allowed at the Democrat debate?

Raising the minimum wage doesn’t cost jobs because there’s a magical spell cast upon it that suspends math and the laws of economics.

How much do you get paid when you don’t have a job? That’s the real minimum wage.

I’m officially endorsing burning it all down.

What’s a classical liberal supposed to do in today’s political climate? I’m thinking of taking up woodworking.

Though it happens all the time in fiction, I hope in real life overthrowing an oppressive regime never comes down to a teenage girl.

Scientists ruined my childhood when they declared that Pluto isn’t a planet and that it’s most likely covered in feathers.

There’s sometimes conflict in marriage. I like imitating Mr. T, but my wife doesn’t like it when I call the kids fools.

I think a legitimate criticism against Trump is absolutely anything.

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Random Thoughts: Gun Control, Star Wars, and SOTU

A fun thing to do is to sit in the front row for a TED talk and keep yelling, “Stop mansplaining!”

I can’t think of any offhand, but I’m pretty sure there are other possible plot points than planet-destroying super weapon.

Right now a criminal can go online and buy a gun without ID, background check, or even real money. Coins from Super Mario Bros. will do.

Right now, a criminal can buy heat-seeking hollow point bullets that can shoot through walls at any Redbox.

There are currently no laws preventing a criminal from buying a gun enchanted with dark magic to never miss.

No laws prevent a criminal from installing a bullet tap in their house where they just turn on a faucet and fill a cup full of bullets.

This isn’t very libertarian, but if we want to protect kids, we need some sort of law against shooting them.

Currently a criminal can go to any supermarket and buy a plastic gun that is also invisible and fires nuclear warheads.

Not saying Obama’s tears were fake – just thought it was weird he paused his gun control announcement to watch the opening sequence to Up.

There. We made the president cry. I hope we all feel good about ourselves. I know I do.

We need some sort of mental health screening before you’re allowed to get a hydrogen bomb.

So there were people who watched Parks and Rec and didn’t find Leslie Knope’s fascist impulses problematic?

The reason we can’t prevent hydrogen bombs is that the NRA fights any law that tries to restrict access to hydrogen.

Ted Cruz is a secret Canadian who will sell our country to the British. This is a fact no one disputes.

Ted Cruz’s handlers are smart. They cut his mic briefly at the end of each sentence so we don’t hear the “eh”.

I asked Ted Cruz for some bacon and he gave me a weird round piece of ham because he’s a Canadian freak and we can’t trust him.

Why didn’t loser Obama make Mexico pay for our health insurance?

Gun control people don’t need townhalls where they explain their views. They need introspection on why they’ve been failing for decades.

Stop pretending you can decide whether other people have guns.

I’ve never quite gotten why Return of the Jedi is considered so much lesser than the other two Star Wars movies. Great movie.

I can agree that Star Wars and Empire Strikes Back are better than ROTJ, but I don’t consider it on a lower tier than them.

My wife says she likes the new Star Wars better than all the original trilogy. I don’t know how to deal with her.

So many iconic things in ROTJ: Jabba, speeder chase in the forest, the Emperor

I have a “Play it again, Sam” type quote from ROTJ I love to use on trolls: “Good. Only your hate can strike me down.”

Force Awakens is not better than Return of the Jedi. It’s good, but come on.

I’m finding it hard to figure out what my full opinion of The Force Awakens is because I just bring so so much baggage to that movie.

I’m finding Finn to be the most intriguing character because he’s the one with the least analog to any character from the previous trilogy.

Finn is a non-force wielder with some (but not spectacular) weapon skills. No idea where his character arc is going.

So is Hillary in Michael Bay’s 13 Hours doing basically the same role as the Chief of Police in Die Hard?

My best understanding of what it means to be populist is to say really popular, really ignorant things.

Be wary of any philosophy that treats people as a net negative. And these pop up on the left and right.

A Trump vs. Sanders general election would be equal parts awesome and awful.

Wow. $1.3 billion Powerball, and that money came mainly from poor people. I hope Trump wins it.

Can say President Obama is indifferent to Sandy Hook because he’s never proposed anything that would have made a difference with it.

Sanders is just as nutty a candidate as Trump and he has a much higher ceiling with Democrats.

So prefer dealing with electricity to water. Electricity is not constantly at risk of spilling all over the floor.

Then again, electricity is invisible and constantly trying to kill me, but I guess I’m just used to that reality.

I don’t get why anyone would listen to the SOTU who isn’t paid to by a news organization.

MoveOn.org endorsed Sanders because if you want to move on from the Clinton scandals, the best way is to not elect more Clintons.

Instead of watching the SOTU, I watched old episodes of New Girl on Netflix because I value my time.

She’s a-dork-able.

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Personality Test

Did you like my novel Superego?

Of course you did. What kind of horrible person would you be not to?

Well, over at Liberty Island is a short story prequel to Superego: Personality Test. An AI comes online and tries to calibrate itself for its new owner, but it quickly runs into a problem: It’s not supposed to break the law.

Enjoy!

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Random Thoughts: New Years and Star Wars

The richest one percent earn more than you do.

We need better entitlement reform or we just shouldn’t release entitlements from prison in the first place.

What’s the defense of Bill Clinton? Not quite as many allegations as Bill Cosby?

I’m inclined to agree with Cruz on most things and he comes off to me as weasely. Not sure how’ll he’ll appear to someone less inclined.

I mean, they’re all weasels, but a skilled politician tricks you into forgetting that from time to time.

The name of Han’s ship implies that falcon’s exist in the Star Wars universe. Are any other earth animals referenced?

And I’ve always wondered whether people in Star Trek universe have heard of Star Wars. Like do they ever pretend phasers are lightsabers?

2015 was an extremely eventful year for me and I plan to accomplish even more in 2016. Probably not another kid, though.

My New Years resolution is to uppercut someone so hard I launch him into the air.

Finally saw Star Wars: The Force Awakens. If you only see one Star Wars movie this year, you might want to consider it.

Wait, how many Star Wars movies is Disney planning to release each year?

Nice to see that the Empire is more diverse in the new Star Wars. Not only white males can be evil.

So are they going to explain why Percy Weasley changed his name to General Hux?

You can only be disappointed in a delay for the next Game of Thrones book if you had any expectations of ever actually seeing it.

When adjusted for inflation, The Force Awakens has earned negative 3 dollars and was far out-grossed by Police Academy 5.

In the new Star Wars, seems like most of the Empire is a bunch of unintimidating weenies if they’re not wearing masks.

For new Star Wars, we’re going to refer to the two sides as the Rebels and the Empire and not whatever new names they came up with, right?

Getting your tongue stuck in the voting machine will be considered a vote for Trump.

That Kylo Ren is always going on about the power of the dark side and veganism.

Strong anti-gun control message in Star Wars. Rey, Finn given blasters without background check and Han Solo open-carries everywhere.

Looks like the long national nightmare of Avatar being our highest-grossing film ever is finally ending.

What’s the world’s deadliest butterfly? I know a butterfly has never killed anyone, but one has had to come the closest.

Ah, time for Downton Abbey, the trashy soap opera that makes us feel sophisticated for watching it.

I’m still baffled how Avatar made so much money. Of course, I didn’t get Titanic either. It’s like Cameron has voodoo magic I’m immune to.

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Random Thoughts: Trump, Hillary, and the Beatles

Trump 2016: “In your heart, you know he’s worth billions of dollars.”

Don’t want a label on product telling me it was made locally. Want a label telling me if it was made where it had best comparative advantage

*listening to Nobel Prize winning Danish physicist going on about electrons’ discrete energy levels*
“More like Niels Not-Very-Interesting.”

Which candidate is finally going to take on the root problem of immigration: the existence of other countries?

You can tell who is an uninformed voter because they’re enthusiastic about one of the candidates.

Bernie Sanders’s backwardness would almost be cute if not for the unacknowledged violence in the system he espouses.

Salon is the Weekly World News of left-wing commentary.

I keep hearing about billionaire Elon Musk, but I realized I have no idea how he made his fortune. I assume cologne.

With choices like Trump and Hillary, maybe we’ll spend more time on strategizing how to persist without any president.

That article Hillary shared, “7 things Hillary Clinton has in common with your ebola”, seems to have backfired.
Seemed accurate, though. “3. Causes you to vomit blood”

I’m finally going to hear these Beatles I’ve heard everyone talk about.

Need version of Its a Wonderful Life where we find out what things would be like if Uncle Billy never existed. Guessing futuristic utopia.

It’s a Wonderful Life isn’t a Christmas movie. Only a small portion of it occurs during Christmas time. Unlike Die Hard.

I’m not trying to start arguments, but Human Centipede isn’t a Christmas movie.

There is more photographic evidence of bigfoot than there is of anyone actually celebrating Kwanzaa.

You can tell who is a true conservative because they’re not running for a political office.

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Random Thoughts: Guns, Climate Change, and Thanksgiving

It seems like 90% of the “tolerance” movement is encouraging hate against certain groups of people.

Is Hillary Clinton a woman of some sort? She should try mentioning that as part of her campaign.

Maybe this is just my white privilege talking, but I don’t think giant squid are all that big.

My thoughts on the pyramids is that no one knows who made them, how they made them, or even where they are.

I once saw a pyramid on a dollar bill and it looked back at me. I only use debit now.

Both the success of Barack Obama and the mockery of Ben Carson demonstrate that accomplishments mean nothing when it comes to politics.

Having an infant you need to cradle and hold and protect from everything is good practice for one day having a college-aged kid.

My wife asked how Pokemon is different from dog fighting, and I didn’t have a good answer. More colorful?

Man, I just remembered boot disks. Forgot about those. Back in the day, you had to basically be a hacker to get a PC game to run properly.

Trump seems like the kind of guy who’d start a war over some something he read in an email forward.

If your job can be replaced by a robot, it will. Robots are only getting cheaper and people are only getting more expensive.

It’s useful to learn philosophy at college as long as it’s philosophy about proper code design.

Don’t believe there’s a war on Christmas? For that Jessica Jones series they’re changing Luke Cage’s catchphrase to “Sweet holidays!”

The Mizzou campus has been overtaken by KKK vampires who don’t show up in photos.

In an alternate timeline, 1930s Germany becomes even more warlike and militant to defend against time-traveling baby killers.

If you killed baby Hitler, wouldn’t it freak you out when you return to your time and everyone has the still in style toothbrush mustaches?

I feel like the quality of representation has declined ever since we stopped being ruled by local warlords.

I’m that good generation between the Boomers and the Millennials. We got a little mopey in the 90s but that was it.

I’m against a Muslim backlash, but can’t we wait until people aren’t actively being killed before we devote all energy to fretting about it?

Why do I keep seeing the phrase “terrorism has no religion”? Are you saying all atheists are terrorists?

Tough being a father, instilling in my daughter confidence to fight videogame bosses by herself. Should probably teach her to read, too.

“Sorry. According to this background check, you’re not allowed to have a gun.”
“Golly. I guess instead of murder I’ll go plant a tree.”

If we recycle enough and bike to work, we can defeat terrorism.

Does someone have that really short list of things government does competently so you can check if “screen refugees” is on there?

Since all my opinions are well-formulated, I’ve yet to have anyone disagree with them. But that does sound like that would be awful.

The gun loophole is that there are hundreds of millions of guns in this country and you can’t realistically stop someone from obtaining one.

Fun election. Republicans have a cartoon show while Dems are pretending to be excited for someone who’s almost a parody of a soulless politician.

I don’t get why people love science so much. I once saw some science — it wasn’t very impressive.

Telling people what ISIS wants is exactly what ISIS wants.

Hillary’s ISIS plan is exactly what you’d expect from someone whose qualification is “married to president who wasn’t that good at foreign policy.”

The most interesting thing about Donald Trump is that I didn’t know you could get an MBA at a clown college.

LIFE HACK: Hit life with an axe

To get outraged by something Trump said means I’d have to take him seriously and that’s a bridge too far.

You’re falling into Donald Trump’s trap, acting like he’s someone whose words should ever be taken seriously.

Terrorists got guns into France which has a complete ban. What sort of magical background check would stop them in the U.S.?

We talk a lot about gun control, but a law mandating all SQL statements must have a WHERE clause would prevent a lot of tragedy.

So who holds the middle ground between Trump’s “tag & monitor all Muslims” and Hillary’s “no one who quotes the Quran could be an evil man”?

Our nation’s youth are becoming a bunch of humorless scolds leaving it to our elderly to stick it to the man.

Shouldn’t there be some sort of fact check fact check that ranks them from “actual fact check” to “pure opinion piece”?

Instead of just fact checks, we should also have opinion checks. “FALSE. He does not actually believe that.”

“How to win in an argument with your 5 your old nephew after you get sent to the kiddie table since people can’t stand you for some reason.”

Boycott Joyce Carol Oats. Only buy Quaker Oats.

I read The Origin of the Species and I liked Spider-Man’s origin better.

“It sure is hot out. Hey, I know a great way to cool down: Let’s kill all the Jews.” -how climate change causes terrorism

My position on global warming is that I think the earth is dangerously cold right now and I’m glad we’re doing something about it.

You can be for allowing citizens to have guns or for the government using guns to keep people from having them. Neither is truly anti-gun.

I still don’t get Vox. Are they supposed to explain news to us or are they asking us to explain news to them because they seem very confused.

Stuffing. Dressing. Whatever you call it, I’m not a character from a Charles Dickens novel so I’m not eating soggy bread.

I have nothing against walnuts by themselves, but it seems like they’re on some sick mission to destroy desserts.

The party whose field consists of someone who’s only there because she was married to a president and a senile socialist shouldn’t throw stones.

Between Dems and GOP, there are a lot of dumb choices for president. Argument is that Trump is especially dumb. Not that easy to make.

Giving thanks: Blood test early in pregnancy said she had trisomy 13 (she wouldn’t live very long) but she was born perfectly healthy.
My Baby Girl

Here’s all three of my kids. #Thanksgiving
My Three Kids

The problem is, racist uncles still probably have better logic and reasoning skills than people who take Vox seriously.

And I believe “taking Salon articles seriously” is a condition listed in the DSM-5.

Finally saw new Mad Max. Favorite part was when someone said, “You mad, bro?” And he said, “Yeah, Mad Max!” And then did his Super Max Kick.

I try to be a responsible adult, but my daughter really likes watching me play video games and I hate disappointing her.

Humans are endlessly complex and fascinating, and it’s pretty cool I’ve gotten to make brand new ones.

My favorite part of Mad Max was when the one car crashed into the other and there a big explosion and they exchanged insurance information.

Despite all the hype, you’re extremely unlikely to be killed by a gun in this country. Bad news: Cancer is pretty likely.

Saw there’s a movie about Krampus, the malevolent spirit who in German lore punishes those who claim Die Hard isn’t a Christmas movie.

You can buy throwing stars without a background check. You could be a well-known evil ninja and they’ll just ship them to you.

People in this country have too easy an access to guns, knives, cars, propane, listicles, french fries, pugs, the music of Adele

Everyone stop saying mean things about guns! You’re just going to radicalize them!

What if they pass some gun control where you can only carry one gun? For self defense I need to dive through the air while firing two guns.

What if one of the effects of climate change is causing people not to believe in climate change?

0.4% of deaths in the U.S. are from homicide by gun. No idea if that’s a lot or a little.

So do we need better gun control than France to avoid mass shootings?

New modern day version where Scrooge starts out wishing everyone a Merry Christmas but 3 ghosts teach him to say “Happy Holidays” instead.

Sounds like once again those sociopathic gun nuts are going to block the nonexistent gun control that would stop mass shootings.

I’m glad the left has coalesced behind “attack prayer.” That’s probably what all the other gun control pushes were missing.

“Gun control” is not a magic spell that will stop a criminal from getting one of the hundreds of millions of guns.

“You need to run faster, Barry!”
“I’m running as fast as I can!”
“You need to run even faster-er!”
-half the dialogue in The Flash

To think there is a right to bear arms because of the 2nd Amendment is to mix up cause and effect.

Society is just going to relentlessly beat you down until you finally accept Ben Affleck as Batman.

Well, at least the left has once again quickly gotten over their fear of intemperate rhetoric.

The couple leaving a six-month old to commit murder is very very hard to wrap my brain around.

I have a 2 a month old. I got her to laugh for the first time over the weekend. There is no better sound in the world than a baby laugh.

The fact that you pretty much never hear of an armed mass shooting victim is gun control working about as well as it possibly can.

I’ve seen a lot of yelling at the NRA, but I’ve yet to see one example of a law they blocked that would have prevented any of this.

There have been 80 million mass shootings since 2010. You’re probably being mass shot right now.

I get annoyed if a salesman doesn’t give up after two nos, and insulted if he gives up after one.

“I don’t know if people are going to buy Ben Affleck as being tough enough to be Batman.”
“Let’s have Jesse Eisenberg stand next to him.”

“What kind of stunt was that, Luke? That’s it! You’re off the Force!” -Captain Obi Wan

A dismissive attitude won’t get rid of Trump as that’s what created him.

In a way, Trump is the establishment candidate, because it’s almost solely the fault of the GOP establishment that he exists.

A surprisingly large amount of Twitter is being lectured on compassion by partisan sociopaths.

Doesn’t so many people feeling free to spew vile hate at gun owners prove they don’t fear their neighbor owning a gun?

If people actually feared NRA members, they’d be careful what they say. But everyone understands NRA members don’t shoot anybody.

It’s actually kind of beautiful that in America a large group of people known for owning guns are only feared because they vote.

So the NYT’s big idea to end gun violence – that absolutely had to go on front page – is to ban a type of gun used in like 1% of crimes.

The gun control people need a lot of introspection. The front page NYT editorial just demonstrates they have no clue why they’re irrelevant.

They care enough to scream at the NRA, but not enough to devote even one minute of clear-headed thought to the issue.

If you want to dictate who can or cannot have guns, you’ll need guns.

I won’t believe in climate change until the NYT does a front page editorial on it.

Hey, nut jobs, no one is talking about taking away your guns. Except for the front page of the New York Times.

One of the most common mistakes of inexperienced politicians is to bite babies instead of kissing them.

It’s really weaselly to lump suicides in with homicides when trying to make a point on guns. Those are two very different motives. And while gun control can reduce suicide by guns, there’s no evidence it reduces suicide overall.

I am baffled by gun control proponents inability to learn anything from their decades of failure other than to shut up about confiscation. And they can’t even do that consistently.

Tonight will be President Obama’s 80 millionth public address and is expected to have an audience of up to 5.

The more irrelevant the president is, the better the country is doing.

I once conceal-carried two full size .45s because it’s not entirely implausible a John Woo film could suddenly break out. #Merica

I hope President Obama isn’t announcing he’s joining ISIS. I think that would be a mistake.

If you follow the money, the main force behind gun control are bears waiting for humans to disarm so they can once again take over.

Shouldn’t we say “happy holidays” all year long?

Seems pointless to want to get rid of the 2nd Amendment when the 1st still leaves people access to killing words like “Muad’Dib.”

If we have strict gun control, no one will be able to commit a mass shooting without breaking the law.

“I honestly thought this was my last month as president, but I found I still have a whole other year left. I’m just as upset as you are.”

If you are a president arguing to take away people’s rights without due process, you are a bad president.

The FBI has a list of known terrorists, but they know Obama won’t do anything about them so they want to leave that up to gun store owners.

There is no gun crisis or Islamic terrorism crisis in America. Everyone calm down before you die of #1 killer heart disease.

If a Trump presidency makes us realize we need to severely limit the powers of the president, it might be a good thing.

So has anyone figured out how the Elf on the Shelf keeps moving every night?

The guarantee on the Elf on the Shelf box that it “won’t eat your child’s soul” isn’t as reassuring as they think.

The next New York Daily News cover should just say “IMPOTENT SCREAM” in their largest font.

You have around a 0.004% chance of being shot to death in the US per year. Much higher or lower based on whether or not you’re a gang member.

They should have a no terrorist list. If you’re on this list, you’re not allowed to be a terrorist.

“Background check said you’re on the terrorist watchlist, so you can only buy 8 guns.”
“But I wanted 9.”
“Shut up, terrorist!”

On the FBI watch list are Rolex, Casio, and Timex.

J is the best middle initial. Bullwinkle J. Moose, Homer J. Simpson, Donald J. Trump… great for cartoon characters.

Why do Republicans get all the blame for Trump? The Democrats being a bunch of incompetent, arrogant clowns was what made him too.

Really, who is less serious? Trump and his ban all Muslims idiocy or Obama and his blaming terrorism on climate change?

What we have is not Trump versus serious people. It’s an obvious clown versus people who aren’t aware they’re clowns. Pure clown fight.

The Trump slogan I would find the most persuasive would be “Why vote for the lesser clown?”

I explained to my 5yo about Saturday morning cartoons, how cartoons were only on one day of the week and you couldn’t control them.

My daughter “shared” a piece of her brother’s candy with me and I had to explain to her what a Democrat is.

Errors that cannot be reliably reproduced are the absolute worst.

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Important News from Frank J.

I know. I don’t blog anymore. You’re probably wondering: “Did Harvey ban him?”

Yes. Let’s go with that. Let’s blame Harvey.

But here I am posting right now, and it’s not for any ulterior motive but just because I love you readers.

Oh, BTW, my excellent novel, Superego — a heartwarming tale about a psychotic hitman — is a Kindle Daily Deal at $1.99 for today only.

…And what else was I going to talk about? Is there some sort of presidential election going on or something?

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Random Thoughts: Carson, Jeb, Dem Debate

Of course Bernie Sanders isn’t anti-gun. How are you going to make socialism work without lots of guns?

Bernie Sanders’s views and hair can best be explained from him living in a cave for the past 50+ years.

To see collective right in the 2nd Amendment takes advanced legal knowledge. To see an individual right takes basic reading comprehension.

“Look at this desiccated corpse of a grape. Let’s put it in cookies because I hate children.” -inventor of raisins

“Hey, I have a great idea to halt the fifty year trend against gun control: I’ll label people who disagree with me ‘pro-massacre.'”

My advice for gun control people: Introspection. When you’ve been losing the argument for this long, the question is what are you missing.

Scary rights are the most important rights to defend.

So there’s a debate whether socialist Bernie Sanders – who’s one claim to fame is he’s an avowed socialist – is a socialist?

“Freedom allows capitalism and guns and ruins our plans. Destroy freedom!”
“Yes, destroy the freedom!”
-Dem debate preview

“I hate this country!”
“I hate it more!”
“I also hate Canada because it reminds me too much of the U.S.” #DemDebate

“I wish the Soviet Union won.”
“Where is flag? I want burn flag!”
“I am old and confused.” #DemDebate

“Tax all the monies!”
“Eliminate all the babies!”
“I wore an onion on my belt as it was the style at the time.” #DemDebate

“Power! Give me power!”
“Everyone who disagrees with me is a racist.”
“I’m old and computers are scary.” #DemDebate

It’s too easy to get a gun. It’s easier to get a gun than get a book. The only thing easier is getting a Nobel Peace prize.

Socialism is the idea that violent force is an appropriate response to peaceful, voluntary exchange.

It’s time we finally talk about the root cause of conflict in the Middle East: violent video games.

Was it wise to put Bernie Sanders on the same stage as a man who has actually killed Communists?

Jeb Bush: The right hates him. The left hates him. He’s the unity candidate.

“How do I stop all these sword nuts from being so obsessed with bladed weaponry?”
*invents gun*

I’m really optimistic about how long the country after this one is going to last.

All the whores and Democrats will look up to Biden and shout “Save us!” …and he’ll look down and whisper “No.”

“I hope we can finally put this email scandal behind us,” Hillary says behind glass at the federal penitentiary.

Heard this McDonald’s ad acting like they’re rebels for offering breakfast even though we’ve been screaming at them to do this for decades.

“Truth” is a very interesting story of how a random document written about Bush in 1973 became the basis for the default settings in MSWord.

Reading too much into fact that Biden’s son said on deathbed that he had to stop Hillary. That’s what everyone says on their deathbed.

I don’t want to sound racist, but I won’t watch the new Star Wars movie since they made Spock black. He’s supposed to be Asian.

“No flying cars. No moon base. No hoverboards. Because in 2015, 90% of technological advancement will be about phones.”

What if the reason Hitler was so malicious was because of all the time travelers who tried to kill him as a baby?

So the Ben Carson strategy seems to be to speak softly and… I don’t even know what the second part is, but it appears to be working.

Could choice really be between 90s novelty act Trump and “I was married to a president!” Hillary? Maybe politics should be a clown show.

Ben Carson is kind of a weird candidate for president because he’s actually done something useful for society before.

Koko the gorilla who knows sign language is 44 and was born in CA, i.e., she’s eligible to be president. Koko 2016. Kittens for all!

Don’t usually watch random things on Netflix, but description of Kung Fury demanded attention. First 5 min already most awesome thing ever.

The government only ever has two options in regards to the economy:
1. Screw it up
2. Leave it alone

In Dem debate, will they ask tough questions to create wedge with base, like “Name your favorite country.”?

I’d call for Jeb to get out of the 2016 race, but I’ve never been completely certain he was ever in it.

Who are you going to believe on Benghazi: Those damn lying victims’ families or famed honest person Hillary Clinton?

You have to have some sympathy for anyone who feels forced to take and defend the position “Hillary didn’t lie.”

Were I to live a thousand years and devote every moment to satire, I could still not achieve this.

What bothered me most on Supergirl was all the “What? A woman being capable of things? How outlandish and revolutionary!” Almost quaint.

My life goal is to one day be that house that hands out full-size candy bars.

My daughter embarrassed me by not being able to identify Darth Vader but got bonus points for knowing response to “I am your father.”

My wife is watching that movie where the guy and gal can’t stand each other in the beginning but then eventually fall for each other.

We in the middle class were always complaining that our health insurance was too good and too cheap, so it’s great how Obama fixed that.

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Random Thoughts: Wow! No Mention of Trump

We need a word for the great feeling of temporarily having the latest tech.

A Jeb Bush versus Hillary Clinton general election would probably gets its own chapter in the eventual books on the fall of the U.S.

Think of the money Twitter could make if they let you pay $1 for 5 characters more on a single tweet.

Testing out my new iPhone camera.
Baby C Fleming

Seen a few tweets where the gist of them were “Planned Parenthood gave me birth control, so ignore the organ harvesting.”

It just seems like there has to be a way to get people birth control without it being connected to the Jeffrey Dahmer stuff.

Don’t even think Orwell could imagine “woman’s health” becoming this catch-all phrase that even includes harvesting brains from tiny humans.

Some say it’s civilized to violently kill tiny humans who are inconvenient and then hack them apart for other purposes and others say no.

I don’t think Hillary should be president, but I hope she finds a nice retirement home.

I found out I can make Siri British so I did.

You can also make Siri Australian, but I just don’t trust Australians. No offense, Aussies. Please don’t steal my stuff.

You don’t actually get to decide whether or not someone else can get a gun. You can only affect the difficult of obtaining it. And with more than 300 million guns in this country, you can’t actually affect the difficulty very much.

If Obama doesn’t want us to have guns, can we have predator drones instead?

Is it just me, or did that NYTimes “modern man” description sound an awful lot like Adolph Hitler?

Disarming the citizenry is unrealistic, but maybe we can get a bipartisan movement going to disarm the government.

Really interested in the opinion on guns from someone who blows up countless people with predator drones.

The best way Obama could keep guns from people would be to pass mass legislation with the intention of getting everyone a gun.

Got first two pages of the sequel to Superego done. No violence yet. Slow start 🙁

It’s funny. I understand the right’s hate for Jeb, but the left’s hate is kinda baffling.

Confiscating 300 million guns sounds impossible, but there are a lot less murderers than that. Let’s confiscate murderers.

Irresponsible voting has more of a fat tail problem than irresponsible gun usage. Bad voting could lead to oppression, nuclear war.

I’m so disappointed in Hollywood for not having a Back to the Future remake out this year where he goes back 30 years to 1985.

The deliciousness of Chick-fil-A proves we’ve made no progress since Jim Crow.

FedEx guy delivering my new iPhone said, “Congratulations.” Yep, iPhones are awesome. Realized he meant the newborn I was holding, though.

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Random Thoughts: Trump, Muslim Obama, Trump

Trump’s speech was him describing blimp he just saw and then he screamed at a cardboard cutout of Worf about how rich he is. Crowd loved it.

So Ben Carson, huh? Normally he’d be a crazy choice (never held office), but circumstances have made him the less crazy one.

Surgeon doesn’t seem like an occupation with much experience applicable to being president. Better than community organizer, though.

It would be nice if the left paid attention to injustice even when they couldn’t make a partisan political point about it.

The problem is not John Roberts. The problem is a six page document meaning radically different things based on which judge is appointed.

Yeah, Trump not getting sufficiently outraged when someone called Obama a Muslim is totally what’s going to sink him.

What’s so ridiculous about the Muslim charge against Obama is that it’s so hard to imagine him as religious.

Is there a Muslim equivalent to the Catholic who only goes to church on Christmas and Easter?

“OBAMA’S NOT A MUSLIM!!!! …not that there’s anything wrong with that.”

“Christians, yes I keep using the fed govt against you and your beliefs, but you must defend me when someone challenges my faith!” -Obama

“Knock knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“Doctor.”
“Doctor who?”
*adjusts taped up glasses* “He’s just called ‘The Doctor.'”

First kid is complete and painful destruction of your previous self. Third kid is a minor adjustment to change some diapers at night.

Trying to figure out how to explain to my 2yo son he’s now the middle child and what that means.

I don’t even remember why I once thought newborns were hard. They eat (wife’s job) and they sleep. Dog takes more attention. #3rdKid

Telemarketer for TWC: “Do you make lots of long distance calls?” Who keep tracks of what calls are local or long distance anymore?

I thought we as a society had moved past the local/long distance distinction. It’s all just data moving through the inter-tubes.

“Hi. I’m a really successful governor. Here’s a list of my accomplishments…”
REPUBLICANS: “Zzz..”

With GOP candidates dropping out of the presidential race like this, there could be as few as fifty left in the race by the end of the year.

If you want some extra challenge when putting together an IKEA dresser, let your 4yo and 2yo help every step of the way.

More interesting question: What do people think of a Scientologist president?

So who is the top GOP candidate who has actually held office before? Oh, and isn’t Jeb.

If you’re angry at price gouging on medicine, remember that it wouldn’t be possible without the help of the FDA.

Donald Trump and Ann Coulter have become like the Joker and Harley Quinn.

Donald Trump will take on all of America’s enemies: Megyn Kelly, Club for Growth, that dog who looked at him funny.

If people wouldn’t abandon Trump for being ideologically incoherent, hopefully they’ll finally dump him for being a whiny little bitch.

“In a ‘we just don’t care’ rerun of Bush versus Clinton, I’m the least energetic.” #JebPitch

“Why elect someone with one president in her immediate family when you can elect someone with two. That’s just math.” #JebPitch

“I just don’t have the energy to raise your taxes.” #JebPitch

Hillary’s message for little girls is you can do anything as long as you marry someone who already did it and don’t care if he’s awful.

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The Fruits of Blogging

Hey, neglected blog readers. Just wanted you to know that on Wednesday my family increased by one.

Three Kids

So, a new little girl in the family. And I feel as always some thanks to all of you as I never would have met the lovely and talented SarahK without this blog and your support.

Anyway, hectic time right now. But very blessed.

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Random Thoughts: Trump, Sanders, and Apple

It’s kinda like Bernie Sanders’s ideas were frozen in amber while the rest of him aged.

Apple: We weren’t going to make a stylus until we could figure out how to make you pay a hundred bucks for it.

Interesting if the election is between Sanders, a socialist, and a Trump, a… buffoon who gets pissy. I don’t know what my point is.

Presidential elections were invented to keep the most awful people in our country busy.

So proud. My daughter got her first trophy in Mario Kart. And it was a gold.

To all the people bad-mouthing Trump, I would point out there are benefits to the president being an obvious clown.

Iran signed onto the deal when they got the agreement changed from “probably won’t nuke anyone” to “maybe won’t nuke anyone.”

TRUMP: “Sorry I’m late. Spent an hour screaming at a squirrel. Anyway, I’ve taken all your houses through eminent domain.”
*crowd goes wild*

If Elon Musk really wants to nuke Mars, may I propose to head up a test plan to nuke something in space quite a bit closer.

“I’m pleased to announce that your current iPhone 6 is now a piece of crap you wouldn’t even give to a monkey.”

Apple: “If there’s a moment of the day you’re not staring at a screen, we’re failures.”

Hillary’s strategists say she needs to loosen up and cackle more.

If only there were some religious people in the Middle East who could help the needy like the Syrian refugees.

TRUMP: *bites head off live puppy* “I never liked the Bill of Rights.”
PUNDITS: “This should sink him.”
*Trump’s poll numbers go up*

At this rate, Donald Trump will be the single, awfullest human being the world has ever seen and win the primary with 99% of the vote.

It’s hard to get excited for Verizon’s 5G service.
“Now I’ll be able to use up my monthly data limit in 3 seconds!”

Evolution is a scientific theory that’s nothing but useless trivia to 99% of people. Stop treating it like a religious worldview.

Just to be clear, a position Obama held in 2008 when the left heralded him as the most enlightened being ever is now super bigoted?

“We suddenly decided the basic understanding ppl had about marriage for 1000s of years is bigoted. Why isn’t everyone going along with it?”

Trump fans care about Trump’s foreign affairs knowledge in the same way Tom Brady fans care about his foreign affairs knowledge.

I kinda like Bernie Sanders. He doesn’t seem like a politician but someone with real, sincere beliefs. Related: He’s a nut job.

Isn’t it time for James Bond to be played by an American faking a bad cockney accent?

Anyone who has paid any attention to politics over the past 100+ years knows “tax the rich” always ends up “tax the middle class”.

I’m pretty sure everyone agrees Hillary is hugely corrupt. Her supporters have this fantasy, though, that she’s also competent.

On my politician ranking scale, the highest possible rank is “harmless idiot”.

“We can’t defund the Nazis! Some of them do cancer screenings!”

By now we’ve realized that Trump could start murdering his own supporters and the only ones he’d lose would be the ones he murdered.

President Obama is finally trying to help the middle class, as their second biggest concern according to polls is misnamed mountains.

PREZ: “Find anything out about the phenomenon?”
DOG SCIENTIST: “No. Looked at it. Tilted head slightly – tried every analytical technique.”

Review of Our Solar System: “Random yet boring selection of planets, only one of which is (barely) habitable. One star.”

If there was an actual movement to confiscate guns in this country, it would cause a civil war between people with guns and people without.

There was huge crime surge starting in the 1960s because that was the decade guns were invented.

College costs sky-rocketed when the government tried to make it more affordable. Just wait until they try and make it free.

Patriarchy? Did you even bother to ask all your oppressors what gender they identify as?

It would be easier to take Trump supporters seriously if they stopped doing insane, incoherent things like supporting Donald Trump.

Big Bird needs government funds to survive as much as Mickey Mouse does.

I really think we should expand our search for presidents beyond the immediately family of previous presidents and 90s novelty acts.

The Hillary email story is no a big deal. There’s nothing in Constitution preventing someone from being elected president while in prison.

After years of divide, the country was finally brought together in 2018 to help rescue President Biden from being trapped down that well.

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Busy

Hey, sorry I’m basically not posting, but I’ve had no time in the mornings and the next kid is coming any day now. But eventually I’ll get back to it. Anyway, here’s a column of mine from a month ago I missed ever linking to.

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Random Thoughts: President Biden, Sesame Street, and RINOs

After years of divide, the country was finally brought together in 2018 to help rescue President Biden from being trapped down that well.

The Hillary email story is no a big deal. There’s nothing in Constitution preventing someone from being elected president while in prison.

I really think we should expand our search for presidents beyond the immediately family of previous presidents and 90s novelty acts.

Stop it with all the new memes! I still haven’t figured out what “on fleek” means.

What I’d point out to Felicia Day is that thing Thatcher said about being a lady probably also applies to being a geek.

Big Bird needs government funds to survive as much as Mickey Mouse does.

*holds up plane ticket
“It’s a lie! You straight outta nothing! Says here you has a 2 hour layover in Minneapolis!” -dialog from that movie

About time Sesame Street got gentrified.

It would be easier to take Trump supporters seriously if they stopped doing insane, incoherent things like supporting Donald Trump.

This whole Trump thing would be over quick if the GOP establishment put out a statement urging people to not jump off cliffs.

Man, I’m just thrilled anyone at all enjoys listening to ten and a half hours of my writing.

Anyway, hope all the new readers/listeners are enjoying Superego. I’ll get started on the sequel soon.

My current understanding is that it’s only okay to conform to female gender stereotypes if you were born a man.

Happen twice in a week bought software online and it took a day to get the license. How is that not automated?

Everyone is a RINO. The “Republican” is but an ideal man we all strive to be, but no one can truly achieve this.

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Random Thoughts: Fantastic 4, College Costs, and Tromp

Let my daughter watch Jem the other day and now I can’t get the theme song out of my head.

Never got over the suspicion that Jem was inauthentically outrageous, despite repeated assertions to the contrary.

Didn’t watch the debates, but interesting that women – Carly Fiorina and Megyn Kelly – are dominating all the talk about them.

And neither of them got where they are through marriage.

I like Tromp! He is angry and yells at people! Need more Tromp!

“So do you want some sort of coherent politically philosophy, or are you happy with just angry yelling?”
“Tromp!”

Apparently a large number of people can’t tell the difference between being tough and being thin-skinned and pissy.

Are there people who really didn’t get that Trump is a joke candidate until the Megyn Kelly line?

Was there anything so awful Ted Kennedy could do that he’d lose support? Such is Trump’s base.

I can still be surprised by how silly Trump gets, but I don’t take him seriously enough to get outraged.

*dog repeatedly runs into glass door*
“He never backs down! He just like hero Donald Tromp!”

I’m glad we’re finally cracking down on the number one threat to black people: Bernie Sanders.

Difference between Democrats and Republicans: Republicans are working really hard to stop the horrible person who is their frontrunner.

Why did anyone get it in there head Fantastic 4 is a great franchise to keep trying to remake? Best I can imagine it being is watchable.

There’s a rock guy, a stretch guy, and invisible girl, and someone with actual superpowers. Not much they can do.

I just don’t get the idea of making into a movie every comicbook that everyone has heard of but no one actually reads.

*chihuahua viciously attacks the shoes of everyone entering the room*
TRUMP SUPPORTER: “I think that dog is raising some legitimate points.”

The feminist future is men starving from lack of sandwiches and women being overrun with spiders.

So what did people think of season 2 of HBO’s Real Detective Stories or Detective Brand Detectives or whatever it’s called?

Is the Trump candidacy basically the plot to The Babadook?

“Sorry, President Trump can’t meet with the ambassadors from China. He has a busy day planned of responding to YouTube comments.”

Every effort the government has made to help with college costs has caused them to further skyrocket. Just stop it.

The government keeps throwing money at college and costs keep rising. So Hillary’s plan? THROW MORE MONEY AT IT! Gah!

Student debt is the symptom of the problem. What needs to be done is to finally give colleges incentives to actually cut costs.

BTW, this issue of college costs was talked about in the first episode of Love Gov.

If I were rich and smart and attractive, I’d mention that constantly in every conversation.

Wow, Trump’s position on abortion has really changed since back when he said, “Abort all the babies. They’re a bunch of slobs and losers.”

You don’t need to be politically correct, but it helps to be correct about something.

We need a fighter who will FIGHT ALL THE THINGS!

Everyone loves my novel. There’s a handful of negative reviews, but they’re all from losers and slobs.

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