Cruz Christmas Classics!

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STAR WARS SPOILERS*

Yes, that’s right I’m going to ruin it all, right here and now by giving away the biggest secrets the new Star Wars movie has to offer (even though I haven’t seen it yet)!

*WARNING: Do not venture beyond the break if you don’t wish to have these secrets revealed to you!
Continue reading ‘STAR WARS SPOILERS*’ »

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The Simple Explanation

0bama comes from “Hawaii”… which explains why his usual greeting is “Aloha Akbar!”

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R.I.P. Senator Fred Thompson

Just thought IMAO readers should have a place to pay tribute to the late great Fred Thompson, the former Senator from Tennessee, Presidential candidate, actor, and friend of the blog who passed away Sunday at the age of 73. His great sense of humor and his deep love of this country and its traditional values will be sorely missed. Love and prayers to his family and friends. Godspeed, sir, and thank you for everything!

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The President’s Memeorial Day Speech

President Barack 0bama presided over the traditional Memorial Day services at Arlington National Cemetery earlier today, by thanking all of the Navy Corpsemen and other fallen members of our armed services present who had died protecting our nation from the scourge of Climate Change.

After solemnly laying a wreath at the Tomb of the Unknown Comic by mistake, the President delivered his Memorial Day Address to the assembled throng of military and media.

“Let me be clear,” the President said in his typical articulate, bright and clean manner, his trousers perfectly creased, “It is only because of the ultimate sacrifice of brave men and women like yourselves over the past four-hundred-some-odd years, who gave your lives raising awareness of ManBearPig across all fifty-seven states, that we have been able to keep the scourge of the pending Global Climate Catastrophe at bay. To those of you who have not been derelict in your duties, your efforts have been nothing short of… Error. Reset required. Press control-alt-delete to reboot system.

With that, the ceremony was abruptly ended and the President whisked away to a luxurious private golf course for the remainder of the day after grabbing some ice cream.

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Sebelius Brags about ObamassaCare™ on Facebook

[High Praise to Best of Cain]

An excerpt…

screen-capture

Click here for more! It gets even better!

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All This Fuss Over A Simple Punctuation Error…

President Obama just issued the following apology for the misunderstanding over his repeated statement that, “If you like your health care plan, you can keep it. Period.”

“Let me be clear. What I meant to say was, ‘If you like your health care plan, you can keep it. Asterisk.’ To be completely fair, I think you’ll all agree that ‘.’ and ‘*’ are pretty hard to differentiate on a TelePrompter. Thank you, good night, and God Da… er, uh, Bless America.”

[Direct Link]

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For Harvey…

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IMAO EXCLUSIVE: Details of Obama’s “Unbelievably Small” Syria Attack Plan Revealed!

BREAKING: According to sources at the White House steno pool, the now shelved plan was to have Ndamukong Suh throw an illegal chop block at Bashar al-Assad’s knees.

If that had fallen through, the backup plan apparently involved Clint Bowyer intentionally spinning himself out to deny Syria a spot in the Chase for the Sprint Cup.

More details as they become available…

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Little Known Facts About Frank J.

Frank J. Fleming is a pseudonym. His real name? Phineas J. Whoopee.

What does the J stand for? Justice!

Despite being married for several years and producing two offspring, Frank has yet to see Sarah K. naked.

Many years ago, and to his great shame, he interned for Glenn Reynolds… as his personal Cuisinart operator!!!

His obsession with nuking the moon began the day he was inadvertently cut-off on the freeway by Buzz Aldrin.

He once punched a hippie in Reno, just to watch him cry.

After years of extensive psychiatric treatment, he no longer believes himself to be the reincarnation of blood-thirsty Chinese Communist dictator Mao Tse Tung… but his alternate personalities, Basil, Harvey, and seanmahair, have yet to be purged of this same belief.

His fear of monkeys dates back to recurring childhood nightmares of Curious George mistaking his nose for a banana.

Only it wasn’t his nose!!!

His quest to breed dinosaurs with rocket launchers has reached a crucial stage in which he has successfully mated a salamander with a squirt gun.

He never really wanted to be a blogger. His lifelong dream?

[link]

Happy Birthday, Frank!

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