Author Archive

Just a Reminder…

Saturday, September 1, 2012 8:09 pm

THE DISASTER CONTEST CONTINUES…

What awaits us on the Road to Ruin? It’s all up to you!

[Details at the link above.]

Results will be posted sometime on Monday afternoon. “HIGH PRAISE!” will be given. Bacon ~ ~ ~ will be served!

Are you man enough to enter? Or are you just some sort of Obama-voting sissy in Momjeans waiting for some free birth control and a flying unicorn?

Man up* and give it a try!

*PLEASE NOTE: Entries from women are welcome, too, but you need to pinky-swear that you’ve at least tried to pee standing up once just to see what it was like!

********************

UPDATE 9/3/12 2:15PM CDT

The winners have now been posted!

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

Disaster Contest…

Friday, August 31, 2012 12:31 am

Last week, I posted a photoshop I had made of a highway. You might have seen it…

It took a lot of work to create that. More than you want to know. Now I am challenging you to do as good… or better!

Lucky for you, I did the hard part already, and I’m sharing the template below.

Your task, replace the tornado with another apt disaster that looms ahead if we “KEEP LEFT” and keep going “Forward” instead of taking that last exit.

I already know some of the other ideas I had before deciding to go with the tornado, and I suspect some of you will come up with those. I’m also hoping to see some ideas I never even thought of.

As always, the winners get their work posted here and receive “HIGH PRAISE!”

If you’d like, you can post your entries on your own sites, I just ask that you link this post if you do.

The following instructions are cryptic to keep the spambots confused. If you cannot decipher the instructions, I do not want to receive your entry anyway!

Send your entries to me, Mr. Right, via the letter after “d” mail using this address with all of the stupid colons removed, no spaces or brackets, and the proper punctuation added…

write:the:right:place [a-in-a-circle-thingy] [the letter before h:mail] [period-thingy] [c:o:m]

I trust you can decode that okay? Good!

Please submit final versions as gif files, if at all possible, and try to keep the size at 960 x 720, just as the template is now. You can play with the highway signs and the foreground if you really want to, but you better come up with something good if you do!

Now, here’s the template I promised…

We’ll let the contest run until sometime on Labor Day afternoon before posting the worthy entries, and then the rest of the Moon-Nukers can decide whose is the most bacon-worthy. Let the apocalypse commence!

********************

UPDATE 9/3/12 2:15PM CDT

The winners have now been posted!

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (4 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

There! I Fixed It for You!

Thursday, August 30, 2012 8:48 am

The now former Yahoo! News Reporter David Chalian was fired after being caught saying about the Republicans, over an open mic, “They are happy to have a party with black people drowning.”

I can rectify that statement for you, David, with a great deal of ease… and it would have been true… and nothing that would have gotten you fired!

Are you ready, David?

Next time, just leave off the word “drowning.”

From Top, Left to Right:

Condoleezza Rice: Former Secretary of State
Tim Scott: South Carolina Congressman
Mia Love: Saratoga Springs, Utah Mayor and Utah Congressional Candidate
Artur Davis: Former Alabama Congressman
Angela McGlowan: 2010 Mississippi Congressional Candidate
Star Parker: 2010 California Congressional Candidate
Herman Cain: Former Presidential Candidate (2012)
Ken Blackwell: Former Ohio Secretary of State and 2006 Ohio Gubernatorial Candidate
Michael Steele: Former RNC Chairman, Former Maryland Lt. Governor and 2006 Maryland Senate Candidate
Jennifer Carroll: Florida Lt. Governor
Randy Daniels: Former New York Secretary of State and 2006 New York Gubernatorial Candidate
Gary Franks: Former Connecticut Congressman
Allen West: Florida Congressman
J.C. Watts: Former Oklahoma Congressman
Lynn Swann: 2006 Pennsylvania Gubernatorial Candidate
Daniel Bongino: Maryland Senate Candidate
Michel Faulkner: 2010 New York Congressional Candidate
Peter Boulware: 2008 Florida State House Candidate
Ryan Frazier: 2010 Colorado Congressional Candidate
Keith Butler: 2006 Michigan Senate Candidate

And don’t think that that is all there are. There are more. They are growing in number. And they are welcome!

*This post will not be not visible on MSNBC.

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (14 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

Highway to Hell

Monday, August 20, 2012 12:14 pm

Last Exit!

Cross-Posted at America is an Obamanation!

_______________

UPDATE: Linked by The Jawa Report

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (10 votes, average: 4.90 out of 5)

I See Dead People…

Tuesday, July 10, 2012 8:50 pm

The other day, Frank published a post entitled “Where Are They Now?” In it, he lists most of his IMAO co-bloggers as “Dead.” Everyone just assumes that he was joking, but I think not! Let’s consider the evidence, shall we?

For starters, everyone knows that the real Harvey is left-handed, yet every single issue of LOLTERIZT! or LOLBAMA! ever posted has clearly been created by a right-handed typist!

On the front cover of Frank’s last book, “Obama – The Greatest President in the History of Everything,” a shadowy figure is seen waving. Many people assume, incorrectly, that this figure is supposed to represent President Awes0me. A much closer examination reveals that the figure is actually a very dimly lit image of Harvey, waving us all goodbye as he leaves this world behind and departs for the afterlife.

On the cover of of the classic IMAO album “Blabby Toad,” Frank is barefoot and out of step with the co-bloggers, all of whom are dressed in white gowns and looking very pale. The license plate on the bus parked at the side of the road reads, 7GO2HVN.

On the front cover of another classic IMAO album, “Lt. Peeper’s Homely Spleen Club Orchestra,” there are numerous clues, including a slightly charred toy bus in the lap of the doll at the bottom left, the one wearing the t-shirt reading “I killed them all.” The bass drum clearly reads “Unfair. Unbalanced. Unmedicated.” When viewed in the angled mirror on the ground next to it, however, it says, “All the co-bloggers are dead, dead, dead and I killed them.” On the back cover, Frank is turned away from the camera in shame, suggesting he can’t face the responsibility he feels in the deaths of his IMAO co-bloggers, all of whom are lying in open coffins with pennies on their eyes.

Perhaps the most damning evidence of all comes from playing numerous key segments of the old, re-issued IMAO podcasts backwards, where one can discover many hints as to the co-bloggers fates. A small sample of the phrases that can be heard (along with the voice of Fred Thompson ordering you, repeatedly, to sell your soul to Dick Cheney through some sort of reverse soul mortgage process) include, “I buried Space Monkey in cranberry sauce.”; “Aquaman sleeps with the fishes.”; “The Walrus wasn’t Harvey.”; “Turn me Happy, dead Cadet.”; “Lawrence is dead, man, but I don’t really miss him – go figure.”; “Duck blew his mind out on a bus”; “Decide to smoke marijuana.” (Though I’m not really sure quite how that last one fits in.); and “Bury my Basil.”

Putting all of this evidence together, I can come to but one conclusion: All of the IMAO co-bloggers, excepting Frank J, Sarah K and myself, are dead. They all died together tragically in a fiery bus crash several years ago, an event for which Frank still blames himself… which he should, because he was driving the bus when he swerved wildly in an attempt to avoid some monkeys in the middle of the road, lost control and sent them all careening over a cliff! Though Frank managed to jump to safety, and Sarah and I were not on board, the others weren’t so lucky.

There are those of you who have long suspected that Frank has been posting as other people, most especially Harvey and Basil, consider this confirmation of your well-founded suspicions. It’s Frank’s way of coping with the guilt and shame he feels about their untimely deaths and his way of helping their memories live on. The details of this tragic incident also clearly explain why he hates monkeys so vehemently.

Frank is clearly still quite sensitive about this subject, so be gentle, dear readers, be gentle… but feel free to let loose with any more evidence of this conspiracy you may have uncovered over the years in the comments! The memories of those who were lost demand that the truth finally be spoken!

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (5 votes, average: 3.40 out of 5)

Little Known Facts About the Founding Fathers

Wednesday, July 4, 2012 8:36 pm

[With all due apologies to Harvey for stealing one of his tried and true bits...]

George Washington’s famous wooden teeth were actually carved from the very same cherry tree he couldn’t lie to his Father about chopping down. Why did you think he chopped the damned thing down to begin with?

Benjamin Franklin, the inventor of the stove, bifocals and the Hundred Dollar Bill, did not discover electricity by flying his kite in a thunderstorm as legend would have you believe. He actually discovered static electricity when his kite stuck to the culottes he had just put on after removing them fresh from the clothes dryer.

Why did John Hancock sign his name so large on the Declaration of Independence? Because no one had invented shouting at the King by TYPING IN ALL CAPS ON THE INTERNET YET!!!

James Madison drafted the original version of the United States Constitution entirely in Pig Latin just to mess with everyone’s minds: “Eway the Eoplepay…”

The Boston Tea Party, in which patriots protested unjust taxes by dressing up like Indians and tossing tea off of British ships in the middle of the night, took place in Boston Harbor on December 16, 1773. Not mentioned nearly as often in the history books is the concurrent Occupy Boston movement, in which a bunch of confused teenagers dressed up in tie-dyes and birkenstocks and sat around banging on drums while complaining that everything ought to be free and defecating in the public square.

John Adams and Thomas Jefferson both famously died on the same day, July 4th, 1826, exactly 50 years to the day from the signing of the Declaration of Independence. John Adams’ famous last words were, “Thomas Jefferson still survives,” though, ironically, word had not reached him that Jefferson had indeed passed a mere 5 hours earlier at Monticello after muttering, mysteriously, “Wrong again, John.”

The reason so many of our Founding Fathers wore powdered wigs? They had been scalped by Elizabeth Warren’s ancestors who liked to run around claiming to be Indians and scalping anyone who laughed at them.

Your turn!

Have a safe and Happy Independence Day!

_______________

UPDATE: Linked by Hatless in Hattiesburg

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (6 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

The Fine Print

Monday, July 2, 2012 5:36 pm

IMAO & AMERICA IS AN OBAMANATION EXCLUSIVE!!! Must credit IMAO & America is an Obamanation!

I have obtained, from a well-placed source, the copy of the United States Constitution used by Chief Justice John Roberts as a reference during the deliberations over the recent Obamacare ruling, and it explains everything!

All you need to do is to read the fine print. Do you see it? Down there at the bottom of the document?

Still don’t see it, let me point it out. See it now?

Having trouble reading it? Okay, here, let’s zoom in closer…


{Click on the image for a better look.]

It not only explains this latest ruling, it explains the entire Obama Presidency! Oh… and we’re all screwed!!!

Cross-posted at America is an Obamanation!

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (4 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

“Meanwhile, at the Hall of Social Justice…”

Thursday, May 24, 2012 8:56 pm

Since Harvey posted the original picture that this photoshop is based on below, here is an earlier version of a little something I’m working on that isn’t quite ready for a full reveal yet. Consider it a ‘teaser trailer.’

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (3 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

No Sitting, Just Bull!

Sunday, May 6, 2012 1:37 am

Cross-posted at America is an Obamanation!

UPDATE: Linked by Top Conservative Blogs

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (11 votes, average: 4.55 out of 5)

Tastes Like… Ricky Schroder???

Thursday, April 19, 2012 8:55 pm

OBAMA: “I wasn’t born with a silver spoon in my mouth.”

Nope. It wasn’t a Silver Spoon… it was a Golden Retriever!

He is never gonna live this one down, folks. This is comedy gold! All your talking points are belong to us!!!

[♪ Together we're gonna find our way... ♪]

BONUS ROUND:

•OBAMA to ROMNEY: “You don’t tie a dog to the roof of your car, everyone knows you tie the meat to the front grill!”

•ROMNEY had a dog on the roof of his car… OBAMA had a dog on the roof of his mouth!

•”Look out, Bo! That’s not a bathtub… it’s a roasting pan!!!”

[Click for more "Obama Ate a Dog" humor]

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (14 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

Man Bites Dog!

Thursday, April 19, 2012 2:08 am

THIS brings a whole new meaning to that old commercial jingle:

♪ The dog kids love to bite! ♪

Cross-posted at America is an Obamanation!

[Click for more "Obama Ate a Dog" humor]

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (7 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

Because…

Monday, January 2, 2012 11:33 am

Cross-posted at America is an Obamanation!

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (13 votes, average: 4.38 out of 5)

A Limited Time Offer

Saturday, December 24, 2011 3:23 am

Once again, it’s that time of year. That magical time when the days shorten and get colder and we all wish each other a happy non-denominational celebration of your choice.

This year, why not give the gift that keeps on taking?

Presenting, “Occupy Santa Claus Lane”…

Featuring more wonderful seasonal songs that never once mention what’s-his-name’s supposed birthday, sung by the #OWS Glee Club. Like:

Occupy Santa Claus Lane

Twinkles Bells

The Little Drummer Circle

Violent Night

Also featuring some other wonderful new carols sung by many prominent progressive guest artists, such as these:

ROD BLAGOJEVICH:
Blago the Big-Haired Jailbird

JOE BIDEN:
God Love Ya, You Merry Taliban!

JON CORZINE:
It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Larceny

ERIC HOLDER & THE ATF CHOIR:
Gun-Walking in a Border Wonderland

ANTHONY WEINER:
#Hacked! The Pantsless Congressman Tweets

And much, much more!

Best of all, you can just charge the cost of your purchase to somebody else! Order now!

And don’t forget to check out our past favorites:

The First Nobel (2009)

A Solstice Carol (2010)

Cross-posted at America is an Obamanation!

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

If You Flip Plan 9-9-9 Upside Down…

Sunday, October 30, 2011 9:05 pm


Cross-posted at America is an Obamanation!

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (11 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

#OES

Sunday, October 30, 2011 3:13 pm

Cross-posted at America is an Obamanation!

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (10 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

Can You Dig It?

Tuesday, June 14, 2011 2:33 pm

Cross-posted at America is an Obamanation!

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (10 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

Call Me Fishmeal…

Friday, May 6, 2011 2:18 pm

Cross-posted at America is an Obamanation!

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (12 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

Obama’s Birth Certificate Released!

Wednesday, April 27, 2011 2:47 pm

Finally! This ought to put the whole Birth Certificate controversy behind us once and for all.

Of course, there are a few folks out there whom I’m certain will never let this go and will claim this is a forgery or has been tampered with in some way. Well, there’s just no pleasing some people, I guess.

So that all of you can now decide for yourselves, here is a copy of the official document released earlier today by the White House…

(more…)

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (17 votes, average: 4.94 out of 5)

The Riddle of the Sphinxter…

Friday, February 11, 2011 7:22 pm

All hail Phar-0, the true ruler of Egypt!

♫ Born in Honolulu… If you don’t believe, then SCREW YOU! ♫

Cross-posted at America is an Obamanation!

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (9 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

Rub-a-Dub-Dub…

Saturday, January 22, 2011 8:55 pm

Farewell, Bathtub Boy!

Cross-posted at America is an Obamanation!

UPDATE: So, what’s next for Keith Over-Man? Feel free to offer your ideas for his next career move in the comments section!

********************

BREAKING NEWS — Keith Olbermann has found a new job… at FOX NEWS!!!

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (9 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)