Fred & Jeri Thompson will be guest-hosting Sean Hannity’s radio show today (3-6pm Eastern).

It’s Frank J.’s birthday today!

How old is he? I don’t know. I haven’t seen his birth certificate. So, I can’t say with certitude that he’s, say, 32 years old or something.

I think today is Saturday — either it’s Saturday or I’m going to be way late for work — and that means that Frank will probably not be blogging today.

If he was, he’d remind you that back in 2003, he declared his birthday as National Gun Safety Day.

And because it’s National Gun Safety Day, you should be safe with guns. If you don’t, you’ll make Frank J. sad. And a sad Frank J. means a sad Buttercup. And it would be your fault. Why do people who are unsafe with guns hate babies?

Anyway, what did you get Frank J. for his birthday?

Frank J and SarahK are celebrating the birth of Princess Buttercup.

IMAO regular DamnCat noticed that Frank & Sarah were registered at Babies”R”Us. You can search by Registry Number 45484417. No, I can’t find a direct link that works; you have to fill out a form and click “Find.”

They are also registered at Target and Amazon.

No, Frank and Sarah didn’t ask for this to be posted. They’ll be “Oh, that’s so sweet but you shouldn’t have.” Actually, that’ll probably be Frank. Sarah will be all like “He spent his time posting something instead of sending something? Sounds just like him.”

Anyway, for those that were wondering, those are links for those that had questioned about where they were registered:

• Babies”R”Us (Registry #: 45484417)
• Target
• Amazon

Now, go help the economy.

Geez, I gotta check my e-mail more often. Sorry about the late notice.

Brian of Snapped Shot and EvilFeed is giving away a tripod to the commenter who can make him laugh hardest.

The kind folks at National Geographic and Energizer are looking to give away this fantastic tripod to one lucky winner—And we here at Snapped Shot get to pick who that’s going to be. I’d pick one of you at random, but that wouldn’t be fair. So here’s what we’re going to do:

Click on down in the Comments field below, and leave me a funny comment. It could be a story, it could be a joke, I don’t really care what it is—But you’ve got until next Monday, the 6th of September, to make me laugh. The reader who does that wins the shiny new tripod above, thanks to the kindness of National Geographic and Energizer!

Leave teh funneh over at Brian’s place, and be quick about it!

*Ahem*

Dohtimes, you won a book.

I’ve been emailing.

I think you left your spamfilter set to “kill”.

Send me your mailing address.

harvolson@gmail.com

Thank you.

PS Fred’s new best line is, “According to recent school enrollment figures, Hispanics are fleeing Arizona before the state’s new immigration law takes effect. Shame on those people for racially profiling themselves like that.”

First, I want to apologize for the delay. I had some issues with my ISP. Fred will be kicking them into the sun shortly.

The winners are, in chronological order:

Deafdog:

This country has shed more blood for the freedom of other people than all the other nations in the history of the world combined, and I’m tired of people feeling like they’ve got to apologize for America.

A. W.:

So let me get this straight. You want me to play essentially myself, a man with a thick Tennessee accent and real conservative values — not the moderately liberal values that passes for ‘conservative’ in New York — and you want this character to be the elected D.A. of New York City?

Dohtimes:

I’m not bragging, but I discovered the cure for Irritable Pig Syndrome. I called it Bacon.

I will be contacting the winners shortly for mailing information, so set your spam filters for “stun”.

For those deemed unworthy and/or non-participatory, you are still invited to participate in what’s left of America’s capitalist system by purchasing a copy of “Teaching the Pig to Dance” from Premiere Collectibles for $25 plus shipping.

The fact that your father has forgiven you for that one thing he caught you doing when you were a kid (oh… you KNOW the one I’m talking about, you little scoundrel, don’t play dumb with me) means that he’s worthy of receiving such a precious gift for Father’s Day.

No internet at home so I wasn’t able to write posts today. Still, I wanted you to tell you that today is my birthday which I also have declared in the past to be National Gun Safety Day, so just know that if you accidentally shoot yourself today, it’s a personal insult to me.

Entertain yourself by wishing me happy birthday in the comments.

Now!

The final hours tick away. Judgement Day approaches.

And it’s not some namby-pamby Judgement Day consisting of nuclear holocaust followed by an murderous cyborgs with Austrian accents.

We’re talking Fred himself judging your entries.

Last call. Make it count, people.

Here’s the background & rule-related mumbo-jumbo again for folks who came late to the party or who just have short memories:

I said “Cool!”

Here’s how it works:

Contest runs 3 days, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. You put in the comments what you think is Fred’s best line. 3 winners are selected from all submissions posted before Midnight on Friday. Winners announced Monday. Prizes are awarded to said winners (assuming they had the foresight to include a working email with their comment and I can get ahold of them to get a mailing address).

“Fred’s best line” means any quote, from any of Fred’s TV shows, movies, his radio show, his YouTube videos, old Lightning Round videos, Facebook, Twitter, etc. that you think totally rocks.

Now, IMAO is not some sort of fact-stickler news organization like CNN or MSNBC, so it’s not like anybody’s going to actually check your quote to see if it’s real. So if you just completely make something up that kinda sounds like something Fred would say, like “If these Democrats don’t stop passing these ridiculous spending bills, I’m gonna grab a copy of the Constitution and beat ‘em sensible with it,” who am I to question its truthiness?

For those who do not win, and for those voyeurs who just want to sit and watch while everyone else has fun, signed copies of “Teaching the Pig to Dance” are available for purchase at Premiere Collectibles for $25 plus shipping.

I should note that Father’s Day is coming up fast, and – having read this book – I can tell you that any human male who has survived his “stubborn, stupid, invincible teenager stage” and progressed to the “responsible parenthood stage” of his life will find a kindred soul in the pages of this tome and enjoy it immensely.

Book-plugging time over. Make with the quotes in the commments.

The Fred’s Best Line contest continues, and the rumors are true: Fred himself will be picking the winners.

Also, if you’re in search of some great Fred Lines, don’t forget to scour the old Lightning Round videos.

Here’s the background & rule-related mumbo-jumbo again for folks who came late to the party or who just have short memories:

I said “Cool!”

Here’s how it works:

Contest runs 3 days, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. You put in the comments what you think is Fred’s best line. 3 winners are selected from all submissions posted before Midnight on Friday. Winners announced Monday. Prizes are awarded to said winners (assuming they had the foresight to include a working email with their comment and I can get ahold of them to get a mailing address).

“Fred’s best line” means any quote, from any of Fred’s TV shows, movies, his radio show, YouTube videos, Facebook, Twitter, etc. that you think totally rocks.

Now, IMAO is not some sort of fact-stickler news organization like CNN or MSNBC, so it’s not like anybody’s going to actually check your quote to see if it’s real. So if you just completely make something up that kinda sounds like something Fred would say, like “If these Democrats don’t stop passing these ridiculous spending bills, I’m gonna grab a copy of the Constitution and beat ‘em sensible with it,” who am I to question its truthiness?

For those who do not win, and for those voyeurs who just want to sit and watch while everyone else has fun, signed copies of “Teaching the Pig to Dance” are available for purchase at Premiere Collectibles for $25 plus shipping.

I should note that Father’s Day is coming up fast, and – having read this book – I can tell you that any human male who has survived his “stubborn, stupid, invincible teenager stage” and progressed to the “responsible parenthood stage” of his life will find a kindred soul in the pages of this tome and enjoy it immensely.

Book-plugging time over. Make with the quotes in the commments.

So the powers-that-be over at the Fred Thompson Show said “Hey Harvey, go promote Fred’s book, ‘Teaching the Pig to Dance’. Here’s 3 signed copies courtesy of Premiere Collectibles you can use for prizes”.

I said “Cool!”

Here’s how it works:

Contest runs 3 days, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. You put in the comments what you think is Fred’s best line. 3 winners are selected from all submissions posted before Midnight on Friday. Winners announced Monday. Prizes are awarded to said winners (assuming they had the foresight to include a working email with their comment and I can get ahold of them to get a mailing address).

“Fred’s best line” means any quote, from any of Fred’s TV shows, movies, his radio show, YouTube videos, Facebook, Twitter, etc. that you think totally rocks.

Now, IMAO is not some sort of fact-stickler news organization like CNN or MSNBC, so it’s not like anybody’s going to actually check your quote to see if it’s real. So if you just completely make something up that kinda sounds like something Fred would say, like “If these Democrats don’t stop passing these ridiculous spending bills, I’m gonna grab a copy of the Constitution and beat ‘em sensible with it,” who am I to question its truthiness?

For those who do not win, and for those voyeurs who just want to sit and watch while everyone else has fun, signed copies of “Teaching the Pig to Dance” are available for purchase at Premiere Collectibles for $25 plus shipping.

I should note that Father’s Day is coming up fast, and – having read this book – I can tell you that any human male who has survived his “stubborn, stupid, invincible teenager stage” and progressed to the “responsible parenthood stage” of his life will find a kindred soul in the pages of this tome and enjoy it immensely.

Book-plugging time over. Make with the quotes in the commments.

UPDATE 6-2-10 9PM:

Just got the word. Fred himself will be picking the winners.