Don’t let anyone tell you what you can’t do, whether they be a physicist, a psychiatrist, or a police officer.

If you’re going to be sleeping in the middle of a downpour, a tent which packaging depicts a happy little girl sitting inside holding a stuffed dinosaur may not quite do the trick.

Every cloud has a silver lining, thus silver-lined clouds are quite common and thus economically worthless. Keep waiting for the much rarer gold-lined cloud.

No matter how bleak things may appear, there is no such thing as a situation so desperate that you can’t somehow rig together a shiv.

While Link’s Quest was perhaps the least of the Legend of Zelda series, it had the best advice about life.

Never refuse an offer of a free cup of coffee.

Always give a 110% to everything you do unless you think it’s stupid or you’re a bit sleepy.

There is no scientific evidence that souls exist, but I’d still avoid looking into a cat’s eyes in case they might steal it.

If you’re being attacked by a midget, the last thing you should do is duck.

You can really hurt your hand punching a dog in the face because of their big bony snouts. Only punch pugs.

You’ll save yourself time picking out what to eat at a restaurant if you stop reading any menu as soon as you reach the word “nachos”.

Never settle for awesome when you can be super-awesome.