Do you have a problem with Islamic radicals like this one?

Everything seems to fill them with murderous rage! What can you do? Give up on freedom of speech and hope that will keep them from violent rampages? But even that doesn’t always work.

But what if I told you there is a solution that removes all potential rage from a crazed Islamic radical and it works in seconds? Sounds too good to be true, doesn’t it? But it’s for real! I bring you the DeRager™:

How does it work? Simply apply the DeRager™ directly to the forehead of Islamic radical. I’ll have my lovely assistant show you how:

And that’s it! Now try exposing that same Islamic radical to any material you want — blasphemous or benign:

That’s right! No more murderous rage!

So stop worry about how the speech you or other use may incite violence; just apply the DeRager™ today!

The DeRager™: The only guaranteed way to ensure that Islamic radicals don’t react in murderous rage.

(from the makers of ClueBat™)

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The Ron Paul candidacy in ’08 was really good to IMAO for the purposes of humor, so I thought I should give his entering the race more fanfare. What better way, I thought, than to draw a picture of him? Well, there are probably lots of better ways, but I drew a picture anyway:

Can’t really disagree with anything he says.

That got me thinking I could draw all the other GOP presidential candidates. That could take time, though, and I’ve never been clear who is officially running or not. Still, I thought I’d draw one of my favorites candidates from those who (I think) declared their intentions to run: Tim Pawlenty!

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So here’s what Biden said yesterday:

“The president and I, we’re focused on literally — it sounds like a trite phrase — but literally winning the future.”

Literally winning the future, people. I mean, he said it twice. And since it’s a literal thing he’s doing, I figured I should be able to draw a picture of it. So here’s my drawing of what literally winning the future looks like:

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Hugo Chavez said that maybe capitalism destroyed civilization on Mars. This is an interesting science fiction premise, so I decided to render some drawings of what that might look like:

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So it’s pretty controversial that we’re intervening in Libya. Qdaffy is a crazed dictator killing his own people, but does that mean we should intervene in any country with a dictator?

I say yes.

As the defenders of freedom, I don’t know why we haven’t long ago made it official American policy that if you’re a dictator, we will murder you. I used my iPad to make an illustration of this policy idea.

Hi-tech!

If you govern without the consent of the govern, then America is actively plotting your death. Maybe we won’t kill you today, maybe we won’t kill you tomorrow, but we’ll probably kill you Thursday. In the least, if you’re a dictator, know that in the Pentagon we’re working on plans to make you dead. They can even declassify plans as they don’t use them.

“Here’s our plans to make Kim Jong Il swallow a bomb and explode him from the inside, including a CGI simulation of what we think that would look like. We really think it would discredit his rule if he were exploded. And here is a drawing of him being eaten by a t-rex. Unfortunately, that one never got past the cool drawing stage.”

What would be the objections to this? That big powerful America is picking on smaller countries? You can’t pick on dictators; that’s like saying our police forces are picking on thugs and murderers. Dictators are freebies; we can kill all we want, and it’s morally okay. We’re a big powerful country — way more powerful than the dictators out there — so why shouldn’t we do what’s right and awesome? What’s really wrong is for dictators to be out there murdering and generally pushing people around and for them to have it in their head that no one is plotting to kill them. That’s why America needs to announce loud and clear, “If you’re a dictator, we’re after you. And look at this new sniper bullet we made. It enters your head then explodes. That’s right, our snipers are going to explode your head. So either have fair and free elections, or stay away from windows if you don’t want to explode your head over everything.”

Okay; so I’m a neocon. That’s way better than being someone who doesn’t want dictators’ heads exploded.

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To be continued…

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