President Barack 0bama presided over the traditional Memorial Day services at Arlington National Cemetery earlier today, by thanking all of the Navy Corpsemen and other fallen members of our armed services present who had died protecting our nation from the scourge of Climate Change.
After solemnly laying a wreath at the Tomb of the Unknown Comic by mistake, the President delivered his Memorial Day Address to the assembled throng of military and media.
“Let me be clear,” the President said in his typical articulate, bright and clean manner, his trousers perfectly creased, “It is only because of the ultimate sacrifice of brave men and women like yourselves over the past four-hundred-some-odd years, who gave your lives raising awareness of ManBearPig across all fifty-seven states, that we have been able to keep the scourge of the pending Global Climate Catastrophe at bay. To those of you who have not been derelict in your duties, your efforts have been nothing short of… Error. Reset required. Press control-alt-delete to reboot system.”
With that, the ceremony was abruptly ended and the President whisked away to a luxurious private golf course for the remainder of the day after grabbing some ice cream.
Some men just want to watch the world burn. Others want to grill steaks on it.
Capping off Human Achievement Week, it’s finally Alpha Proxima Day, when we light up the sky (both day and night) so brightly that Earth outshines the nearby stars, Alpha and Proxima Centauri.
Space aliens observing our local star cluster will be all like “Wow! Did you see that? Either there was a supernova, or somebody really hates hippies!”
Speaking of hippies, I guess they’re doing something today, too – Dirt Hour or Darkness Hour or whatever – at 8:30pm. I’m kinda shocked they didn’t start it at the top of an hour. I mean, their target demographic is THC-saturated white people with dreadlocks. How’s their drug-addled gray-matter going to remember the :30 part?
Soylent Green [CAUTION: Rated R], founder of Alpha Proxima Day, suggests that the very least you should do is follow my advice from last year:
If you live next to someone who actually participates in Earth Hour, cut their power lines so that when they go to turn their lights back on at 9:30, the electricity that they just denigrated will appear to have gotten their rude little message and granted their wish to live forever in the dark like cavemen.
Maybe next time they won’t take electricity for granted.
So… how are you celebrating?
NOTE: the Planet Earth Fire Pit picutured above is actually available for purchase.
UPDATE: Linked by Hookers & Booze.
sdog linked at Catallaxy Files
I have great respect for Rev. Right of America is an Obamanation, but I must disagree with his assessment that ClimateGate’s Progressive Big Lie Threat Meter is at Threat Level Red. Although after 2 weeks, the network news is beginning to acknowledge the existence of the story, and ABC actually used the word “Climategate” in a headline (…on a Friday, where it will hopefully go unnoticed), there’s nothing factual being reported and the whole thing is being treated as a quaint, right-wing conspiracy.
I’d say they’re still at yellow.