All this time, those of us on the right have been complaining about the size of government. Now, it might shut down. And I say “Good!” It could use a good shutting down.

Only, the government really won’t shut down.

“National parks, national forests and the Smithsonian Institution would all be closed. The NIH Clinical Center will not take new patients, and no new clinical trials will start,” he added in a roll call of expected agency closings.

But the air traffic control system would stay up and running, the emergency management agency would still respond to natural disasters and border security would not be affected.

That means that the government will still operate to some degree, but non-essential personnel will be sent home:

…John Gage, president of the American Federation of Government Employees, the largest federal employee union… (said) “Employees are apparently going to be told to report to work Monday (then) they will be released, and those who are nonessential, nonexempt will be released and the other ones will be told to stay.”

What’s all this mean?

It means that those of us on the right were right all along. The government is full of people whose jobs aren’t necessary. And they don’t even know who they are.

There are too many non-essentials when the economy is good and the government isn’t running a deficit. It’s even worse during this Obama economy.

There’s word that some military might not get paid. Which means what? That the Obama administration considers them non-essential? That sounds like a bunch of stupid liberals. Gotta fund those abortion clinics, but not so much the American soldier.

The military is one of the essentials. But there are plenty of non-essentials in the government today.

Now, I don’t think that non-essentials are necessarily a bad thing. I’m sitting at a computer right now. Not the cheapest computer, either. I spent around $3,000 for this MacBook Pro. That’s a lot of money. And, I could have made do with a $400 Dell, I suppose.

And, looking around the room, I see a fish tank. We don’t eat the fish, so it’s non-essential. There are some trinkets on the coffee table and shelves. Some plastic flowers. A Rubik’s Cube (what’s that doing on the coffee table?). Candles. A scratching post for the cat.

Non-essentials.

In tough times, we wouldn’t have all them.

And that’s what the government is full of: non-essentials.

Lots of people who work for the government are trinkets and plastic flowers. Some are smelly candles.

The military is more like the doors, walls, shotguns, and such: they protect us and keep us safe. Not a whole lot of smelly candles and plastic flowers there.

For the U.S. to come out ahead on this, they need to send the non-essentials home. And leave them there. Let the non-essentials get a real job.

Oh, sure, there are lots of people out of work right now. Non-essentials.

I’m not saying they aren’t qualified. I’m saying their job wasn’t needed when they lost it.

I don’t mind so much when business hires non-essentials. They are in the business to make money. And, when they make money, they have more money to spend on the non-essential jobs. Which, after a while of being done exceptionally, gets more focus and becomes essential.

The government, not so much. The business world is hurting because it has to cut non-essentials while the government keeps the plastic flowers and scratching posts on the payroll.

The government should get rid of all those smelly candles and plastic flowers. Then, they wouldn’t spend so much money.

And you could have more smelly candles, plastic flowers, and scratching posts.

Personally, I don’t care about smelly candles, plastic flowers, and scratching posts. Wife likes them, though. And things are better when she’s happy.

Some people who work for the government are tired of being told they suck.

And they’re right: government doesn’t suck.

Say it with me: government doesn’t suck.

Other things that don’t suck?

• Stubbing your toe in the middle of the night.
• Hitting your funny bone.
• California.
• Massachusetts.
• Being hit in the face with a frying pan.
• Liberals.
• Being hit in the nuts with a baseball bat.
• Barack Obama.
• Michelle Obama.
• Microsoft Windows ME.
• MS-DOS 4.
• Democrats.
• Right turns from the left lane.
• Kos.
• Spam/UCE.
• Keith Olbermann.
• Cats in the house.
• Dogs in the house.
• Phone calls during supper.

None of these things suck. They’re all awesome! And we should organize a rally to support all these awesome things.

So many problems are created by government. Not that government is a bad thing; it’s not. But out-of-control government is a very bad thing.

The bailouts — first begun when Bush was president, but under the direction of a Democrat Congress — were something I opposed when they were proposed.

The bank failure was caused by government. And the bailout was government getting more involved.

Think about this: if you put a bunch of monkeys in a room and let them run loose, and they caused damage to the walls and furniture, would you then give those same monkeys hammers, nails, and paint, asking them to fix things?

No, you’d remove the monkeys and deal with the consequences. It might be a rough time for a bit, what with all the mess the monkeys made, in addition to all the collateral damage that will result. But that’s what you’d do.

Of course, it was your fault for putting the monkeys in charge to start with.

In case you missed it, them monkeys? Democrats. Keep that in mind in November.

And keep in mind that insanity quote.

I’m watching this health care debacle, much as I’ve done for the last – what… year now? – and I’m trying to understand the dynamics.

I don’t know how many times it’s been proposed, amended, introduced, and re-introduced since it first set its diseased, cloven hoof on the political scene. I’ve also lost count of how many times it’s been rejected in Town Halls, protests, polls, and elections.

All I know is that it comes at us and we kill it

Then it gets back up & keeps coming.

Obviously Obamacare is some species of undead monster. And if Hollywood has taught me anything (besides the fact that the Superman franchise in unsalvageable now matter how many times you re-boot it), it’s that all undead monsters can be re-deadified, but you have to do it right.

For example:

—–
Werewolves: silver bullet

Zombies: head shot

Vampires***: cross, garlic, silver, sunlight, decapitation, wooden stake through the heart, immolation.
—–

Upon searching this list for common denominators, it seems that a silver bullet to the head would pretty much kill anything.

Thus the only remaining problem is finding the head on a 18-inch tall stack of papers covered in socialistic lawyer-speak, a task akin to finding the head on a tribble.

Sadly, however, it could be that health care bills – being headless – are simply impervious to standard re-deadification techniques, meaning that we’re dealing with some sort of Michael Myers/Jason Vorohees/Freddy Krueger thing.

Now, I haven’t seen all 27 of those movies, so I’m a little fuzzy on the complete list of techniques attempted, other than to note that nothing that was tried actually worked.

So, if all else fails, we’ll probably just have to take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.

*** Re: Sparkly Vampires – By definition, sparkly vampires are not real vampires, much as iron pyrite (which is also sparkly) is not real gold. As far as I know, the only way to get rid of sparkly vampires is to throw the DVD in the microwave and hit the “popcorn” button.

Personally, I think we need more transgenders in government.

For example, I’d gladly support using taxpayer money to get Obama a set of balls.

There were three worlds: the Free World, the Communist World, and the Third World (nations not aligned with either of the other two blocs, in case you didn’t know the origin of that phrase).

The Free World, the nations aligned against the threat of communism, referred to the United States, Great Britain, France, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, West Germany, and other U. S. allies.

With the fall of the Soviet Union, the Cold War isn’t what it used to be. But some of the terminology remains. Including referring to the president of the United States as “Leader of the Free World.”

But is that accurate any more?

No.

The Leader of the Free World doesn’t bow to other leaders.

Obama has abandoned the role: he is not the Leader of the Free World.

So, who is?

Certainly not the leader of any communist country, or any dictatorship. And, I’m thinking a leader of the Free World should be the leader of a country with a major presence on the world stage.

No offense to our friends in Australia, New Zealand, or Canada, but those countries just aren’t major players. Certainly, they are more so than, say, Luxembourg or Iceland, but they’re not at the top of the pyramid.

So, who?

Let’s look at the five permanent members of the U.N. Security Council: the Unites States, Great Britain, France, Russia, and China.

Obama has already relinquished the title, so the leader of the U.S. is out. Four to go.

China? China is communist. Free World? Just the opposite. Two down, three to go.

Great Britain? They have a queen. A queen? A non-elected monarch? As leader of the Free World? Three down, two to go.

So, who’s left?

Russia and France.

Who’s the president of Russia? Vladimir Putin? Actually, no. It’s Dmitry Medvedev. Former president (and current Prime Minister) Vladimir Putin might be running the show, but Medvedev is president, elected by the people. Forget all the other problems with Russia, the leader isn’t the person elected by the people. So, four down, one to go.

That leaves: France.

Yes, France. The president of France, Nicolas Sarkozy, is leader of the Free World.

France, despite all the jokes we throw her way, has a long, storied military history. The Franks took Gaul from the Romans, Charlemagne controlled much of Europe and the Mediterranean world, France helped the American colonies win the Revolutionary War, Napoleon led France to nearly conquer the world in the early 19th century…

You get my point, I hope. France isn’t a pushover.

The French government, though, has been a problem. It was the French government, not the French people, who were defeated by Germany in World War II. The people, most of them, kept fighting.

And, in recent years, the rise of the left in France has caused the French government to take weak stands against opponents of freedom.

Sarkozy defeated a Socialist Party candidate to assume the presidency in 2007, and has shown himself to be more of a leader on the world stage than Barack Obama.

True, that’s not saying a lot. But, for now, the president of France is the Leader of the Free World.

And that’s a damned shame.

November 6, 2012 can’t get here soon enough.

The Democrats’ public option opt out plan is like being served a rotten egg and then being told you can opt out of eating the shell.

The plan, called the “robust” option or “Medicare Plus 5″ in the jargon that has emerged on Capitol Hill, ties provider reimbursement rates to Medicare, adding 5 percent. Leaders are planning to roll the bill out next week, and are hoping to vote the first week in November

Fred called this one on September 30th:

[YouTube direct link]

[quote starts at 0:36 mark]

The Senate Finance Committee voted down a public option amendment to the health care bill. Does that mean it’s finally dead?

Probably not. They’ll just change the name and put it back up again. So if you hear about the “super duper non-private double-happy health care delight option”, be suspicious.

Prescience is just one of The Fred’s many awesome powers.

What began as a rewrite of the Articles of Confederation became the Constitution of the United States.

It’s a document that guarantees our liberties. It lays out the duties and responsibilities of the three branches of our federal government, and it establishes the relationship between the states. And, as amended, it establishes the rights guaranteed to the individuals on which the government may not infringe.

I am of the camp that feels that not enough people have read the Constitution — including many who have sworn to uphold and defend the Constitution.

At the conclusion of the Constitutional Convention, delegate Benjamin Franklin (the dude on the $100 bill, for you on the left) was asked, “What have we got—a Republic or a Monarchy?”

To which Franklin replied, “A Republic, if you can keep it.”

Go read the Constitution. Then make it your mission to help us keep a republic.

So I’m wondering… is he saying that the government won’t start denying people care based on cost vs. expected productive value to society, or is he just saying they won’t call this cacophany of bean-counting bureaucrats a “Death Panel”?

I suspect the latter, so I expect the final Obamacare bill will empower its decision-making assemblage under a different name.

Some possibilities:

Caskets for Clunkers

Reaper Review Board

Cessation Commission

Termination Task Force

Curtains Committee

Departure Directorate

Burial Board

Casualty Cabinet

Funeral Forum

Eradication Convocation

Mortality Moderators

Grave Group

Monty Python Parrot Panel

[direct link]

Note where he said, “U.P.S. and FedEx are doing just fine. It’s the post office that’s always having problems.”

My fears are now allayed: I’m thrilled to hear that government-run health care will be as efficient as the post office. And that’s according to the president.

Your hard-earned money will be collected from your paycheck via taxes, and sent to finance a program that will be run like the post office.

Let me say that I have a brother-in-law that works for the post office. He’s a good guy. And most of the postal workers I’ve met are good people, too. I say that so they won’t … well … go postal on me.

Anyway, the president has convinced me. We need to have government-run health care. And the post office example sold me.

But, there are some of you, I’m sure, that aren’t yet convinced. So, as a loyal American (who doesn’t what to be flagged), I present other reasons to let the government run health care. Here are things that will present excellent examples of how government-run organizations (regardless of the level of government) operate:

• Amtrak
• The quality of public schools
• The NEA funding of porn
• The DMV
• Oil for Food
• Paying farmers to not grow crops
• Student visas
• The TSA
• FEMA
• The IRS

If these examples don’t show you just how wonderful a government-run health care system will be, I don’t know what will convince you.

Don’t get discouraged. If you think all the government does is pay lots of money for ham, you’d be wrong.

They also pay lots of money for cheese. $1,562,568 for mozzarella cheese. (Hat tip: FireAndreaMitchell.com)

Now, to be fair, it doesn’t say exactly how much cheese the government gets for $1,562,568, but I have enough faith in my government to believe that it’s enough to go with $1,191,200 of ham.

Assuming that’s the case, what’s the government going to do with all that ham and cheese?

Feed the world.

Remember, Jesus fed five thousand with five loaves of bread and two fish. Surely, Obama can do better.

There were only about 200-300 million people in the world during Jesus’ lifetime. That’s less than the number of people living in the U.S. today. Shouldn’t be a problem for Obama, should it?

With all that ham (TWO POUNDS … and it’s SLICED!) and cheese (mozzarella, no less) the government bought, world hunger will soon be a thing of the past. And, for the measly price of $2,753,768 it’s a bargain!

Ham and cheese for everybody!

Oh. Except for the Jews.

And the Muslims.

Oh, heck. I think I’ve found the flaw in the plan.

I wonder if there’s any way Obama can blame this on Biden? Or Bush?

Would its website look like this?

Kylon Gustin of BusinessPlanAdvice.com thinks so and brilliantly walks the line between parody and “What crazy scheme is Obama floating THIS time?”.

Become part of the collective
Get what’s coming to you. We’re here to take from the rich and give to you.

Are there services we are not currently offering that you need?
Remember, Big Brother’s mission is to provide free social services to the masses and create a dependent society resulting in our entrenchment into every aspect of their lives. If there is some aspect of your life that we have missed, please let us know.

Yeah, it made me giggle, but part of me was thinking “Don’t give them any ideas!”