Image: The Mirror

Some people appear to getting their panties in a wad over the pope laying hands on some guy and praying. They’re saying he performed an exorcism on the guy right there in line at St. Peter’s Square.

Here’s the video:

[Source: YouTube]

Now, it looks to me like he did exactly what I said in the opening sentence: he laid hands on a fellow and offered a prayer. Heck, I’ve seen Baptists do that, so I’m certainly not surprised when the Bishop of Rome does it.

But, some folks are going all gaga over it, calling it an exorcism. And, heck, maybe it was.

If it was, and Pope Francis can do that (and I’m not doubting it), I wonder if maybe he’ll do it again sometime.

I suggest his next visit to Washington, DC, would be a great time. So, in case the head of the Roman Catholic Church is reading this, here’s what to do:

• From Reagan National, have the driver take the George Washington Parkway to I-395 North.
• Take the US-1 exit, merging onto US-1/14th Street.
• Left on Madison.
• Right on 15th NW.
• Left onto E Street/Pennsylvania Avenue (you’ll need to show ID, it’s restricted).
• Take the first right.
• Ask for Barack.

I wish you much success!

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Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images

I was shocked — Shocked! — to learn that the chairman of the Democrat party in Georgia, an attorney named Mike Belon, is being disciplined by the State Bar.

Now, it’s only a Review Board Reprimand, which means no fine or suspension. I’m not sure if it even comes with a “don’t do that again.” What did he do? Well, according to WAOK radio:

The client had claimed Berlon failed to file paperwork as requested and paid an investigator without permission.

Berlon tells The Associated Press he takes responsibility for the miscommunication with the client on legal strategy.

So, a Democrat is supposed to be working for someone, but has no idea what the client wants, and it ends up costing the client more?

Heck, he’s presidential material. If you consider Obama presidential.

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KRQE-TV/YouTube Screenshot by Chris Matyszczyk/CN

Read an article earlier this month about a worker at an Intel plant that sued over a “kick me” sign others placed on his back. The lawsuit wasn’t just because of the sign, but because people at work actually kicked him. You can go read about it if you want.

The thing is, it gave me an idea. What if somebody put a sign on Obama’s back?

Now, I don’t know if he’d sue, but I’d be willing to take that chance. But would you?

If you had the chance to put a sign on Obama’s back, would you? And, if so, what would it say?

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Photo: Ramon Espinosa/AP

Seems some folks are getting their panties in a wad over Mr. & Mrs. Shawn Corey Carter’s trip to Cuba. You may know the Carters as Beyoncé and Jay-Z. Or, you may not.

Mrs. Carter is the one called Beyoncé, in case you aren’t familiar. She’s a singer or something. She also acts. You may have seen her in the Austin Powers movie Goldmember where she played Tamara Dobson.

Mr. Carter is a singer and part owner of the Brooklyn Nets, a former ABA team.

Anyway, now that you know who they are, they’re catching a lot of grief over their trip to Cuba. They went for their fifth wedding anniversary.

“So, where do you want to go for our anniversary, Sweetheart?”

“Well, I’ve always dreamed of walking the streets of a city where there are chickens running around loose.”

“How about Cuba? Lots of places like that down there.”

“Perfect!”

Okay, maybe that’s not how it went, but then again, maybe it was. You don’t know.

A couple of Florida Congressmen (okay, a Congressman and a Congresswoman) are all up in arms over it, according to the Washington Post.

Personally, I don’t have a problem with their trip to Cuba. I’m all in favor of them going there. I’m even more supportive of them staying there.

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The Associated Press — and apparently it’s the political correct crowd with whom they are associated — has decided to stop using the term “illegal immigrant” to describe an illegal immigrant.

According to the AP blog, Senior Vice President and Executive Editor Kathleen Carroll says:

The Stylebook no longer sanctions the term “illegal immigrant” or the use of “illegal” to describe a person.

So, what should they call them?

I kinda like Jay Leno’s suggestion (as quoted by Andrew Malcom):

AP, the world’s largest newsgathering organization, bans the term ‘illegal immigrant.’ From now on AP will call them ‘undocumented Democrats.’

Maybe there’s a better term for an illegal immigrant.

Foreign invader, perhaps?

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Photo: AP

The Speaker of the House trusts Barack Obama.

Okay, I know what you’re thinking: “What’s the punchline?” Yeah, there’s not one. John Boehner says he “absolutely” trusts Barack Obama:

Boehner said “hope springs eternal” in regards to the possibility of a budget deal, and told (ABC News correspondent Martha) Raddatz that he has a “very good relationship” with President Obama and that he “absolutely” trusts him. He added that the president’s recent outreach — or so called “charm offensive” — intended to woo Republicans, is a “good thing.”

It’s nice to know that Boehner trusts Obama. I was worried that all the lies and tricks Obama had told and pulled over his life would make him untrustworthy. But Boehner can see right through that, and know that Obama can be trusted.

And that’s good news. Boehner will be able to work with the president to make good things happen. I believe he’ll work with Obama and deliver a good, workable plan for the future of the country. After all, Boehner delivers. Just think about how he managed to deliver his home state in the last election.

Now, don’t you feel better?

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Bill Gates has a wonderful idea: give Barack Obama more power. Because that’s the problem: Obama doesn’t have enough power.

Being able to kill you with a drone strike while you are sitting on your couch at home isn’t enough.

Being able to take all your money and give it to people who sit on their couch all day long, isn’t enough. (And, no, those aren’t the one’s Obama would send a drone after.)

Raising your taxes isn’t enough.

Taking your guns isn’t enough.

No, Obama needs more power. So says Bill Gates.

This is the same Bill Gates that released MS-DOS 4, by the way. And Windows ME. And Windows Vista.

Yes, that Bill Gates. He wants Obama to have more power.

Now you know why I have a Mac.

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Dennis Tito wants to go to Mars. In fact, he says he’s blasting off to head to the Red Planet in January, 2018. Look at a calendar; that’s less than five years from now.

I know what you’re thinking: Who the heck is Dennis Tito? Well, he’s the guy that, in 2001, paid the Russians a bunch of money to take him to the space station. He’s the first private citizen to go to space. Now, he wants to go to Mars.

I kinda got my doubts about the feasibility of a trip to Mars, at least right now. But, hey, it’s his money; he can do what he wants with it.

But just wait until the liberals find out what an investment consultant is planning. They’ll throw a hissy fit. Someone like Dennis Tito wasting all that money on a trip to Mars when the government could waste that money right here on Earth.

I’m kinda with the liberals on this one. Kinda. Let me explain.

I think the first person to Mars should be Barack Obama. I mean, he’s as well-qualified to be an astronaut — or would he be a cosmonaut? — as he was to be elected president. Or to win the Nobel Peace Prize. Or… well, anything he’s done. His lack of qualifications haven’t stopped him from being all these other things, so why should they stop him from being the first man to Mars?

And, we shouldn’t wait, either. Send him now. Tomorrow. Heck, send him today.

Sure, there are some problems with the physics involved, since the positions of Earth and Mars right now make the trip a little difficult. But, if they simply put a “Physics-Free Zone” sign on the rocket, he’ll get there and back in around 500 days. Maybe even less.

There’s also the problem of oxygen. Obama would need oxygen. A lot of oxygen if he talks a lot. But, as wonderful and magical as he is — giving us free phones and food stamps and such — I bet when he breaths out, it’s not carbon dioxide, but even more oxygen. So, that problem is solved.

Of course, there’s the issue with food. [See previous paragraph and apply to this topic because I don't really want to write about that.]

Anyway, I say we send Obama to Mars.

Except…

There’s the whole problem with space radiation exposure during such a long trip. What if the 1950s movies were right, and it caused Obama to grow to incredible size when he gets back to Earth? He’d go crazy and destroy everything.

Of course, he’s kinda doing that now, but at least we’d get a 500-day reprieve. So, let the countdown begin!

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Image: GlobalPost

Word is that in North Korea, smaller is better. At least when it comes to breasts.

Seems that in the DPRK, large-breasted women are an object of shame. Or something. It’s kinda hard to figure out. Here’s how Google translates it:

One trillion sukhyang Mr. other North Korean women, “In the North, large breasts tightly tucked around. Big Tits in the North was a shame Korea is the belle of the conditions in the sludge was amazing, “he said.

Okay, that’s kinda hard to figure out. Here’s the same passage of the article, as translated by Bing:

Another hostage takers turned to North Korea’s “premature, the chest is freakin’ skimming. Big boobs in North Korea was a shameful condition of La Belle in Korea was fabulous, “he said.

You see why it’s so hard to figure out.

Anyway, I think this phenomenon needs further study.

Volunteers?

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The boycott that liberals called on Chick-Fil-A last year certainly made an impact.

The Atlanta food chain released figures at the request of the Atlanta Journal-Constitution — the chain is private and doesn’t have to release numbers — and here’s what they showed: sales were up 14% to $4.6-billion, and the company opened 96 new stores.

Now, to be sure, the AJC is taking the approach that all this good financial news happened despite the boycott. The AJC is a liberal paper — not as liberal as some, but way too liberal for my tastes — and spins stories to their point of view.

Still, sales up 14%? 96 new stores providing hundreds of new jobs?

I wish someone would boycott me.

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What’s the fastest-growing cause of death in New York City?

Consider this: in 2012, there were 55 deaths by this cause; if this year’s pace continues, 2013 will record 116 deaths.

The cause? Subways.

No, not the sandwich shop, the transportation method.

While that’s not as many people as are killed by other means, it’s one of the fastest-growing causes of death, according to information in a CBS report.

When will liberals call for a ban on subways? I mean, that’s the next step, right? Only, how would they do it?

Ban high-capacity trains? Require a permit to own a subway token?

That’s your task: using liberal logic (?!), tell us how a liberal would handle the increase in subway deaths.

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Two strippers in Juneau, Wisconsin got into a fight over a dollar.

Now, I know times are tough, but two strippers fighting over a dollar? It happens. I suppose.

What’s unusual about this…. Notice that so far, we’re talking about two strippers fighting over a dollar, and I’m saying this isn’t the unusual part. I’m not an expert on stripper fights, but I suspect that two strippers fighting over a dollar is kinda rare in and of itself. No, there’s more. One of the strippers is pregnant.

Now, I have no idea how pregnant the stripper is, but apparently there’s a market for pregnant strippers.

Of course, it is under Obama’s watch — into its fifth year, now — that the economy got so bad that strippers, including one with child, are fighting over a dollar. So, if you’re into that kinda thing, this is how the economy is getting better. For a dollar, some guy got to watch two strippers (one pregnant) tear each other’s hair out.

Forward!

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In the news recently: Feelings.

No, not the Morris Albert song. The president’s. Somebody hurt them, if you’re to believe Bill Clinton.

The former president stood in for the current resident of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue at a fundraiser recently, and he related something Obama said to him, the Weekly Standard reports:

“I saw the reports of Governor Romney’s latest ad saying that the president had allowed Jeep to move to China,” said Clinton. “And so this morning, before he left Florida and went back to Washington, he said, ‘You know, of all the things Governor Romney has said that probably hurts my feelings the most.’”

Of course, what Romney said was true: Jeep is going to start making vehicles in China. They aren’t moving jobs to China, they’re adding jobs in China, and not adding those jobs in the U.S. Which means fewer Jeeps exported to China. Which means fewer Jeeps made in the U.S. Which means … fewer jobs in the U.S.?

Anyway, the point is that Romney hurt Obama’s feelings. I wonder how Obama is going to feel in a week.

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This late in the campaign, the endorsements are coming out. Recently, Mitt Romney picked up the endorsements of The Orlando Sentinel, The Columbus (Ohio) Dispatch, and The Tampa Tribune. The biggest news out of these is that the Orlando paper had endorsed Obama four years ago.

But, the president isn’t without his supporters. He’s picked up three endorsements, too. And these endorsements carry a lot of influence. Obama has the support of Hugo Chavez, Raul Castro, and Vladimir Putin.

We’re still waiting on the all-important Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and Kim Jong-un endorsements. Wonder who they’ll support?

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The president said recently that “we got back every dime we used to rescue the financial system.”

Same day he said it, the Congressional Budget Office reported the bailout had cost $24-billion.

So, 24-billion dollars weren’t recouped. But all the dimes were.

Should’ve spent more dimes. Or fewer dollars.

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Missed in this whole thing where Obama had to change his plans because of a trip Mitt Romney made is this tidbit:

The president was en route Friday to Fort Bliss, Texas, where he planned to meet with military service members and their families on the two-year anniverary of his visit there to mark the end of the war in Iraq.

So, he’s planning a trip to mark the anniversary of a trip?

Not that he’s marking the anniversary of the declared end to the war. That was in October 2009. No, this is a trip marking the anniversary of a trip.

If only I could write parody that was as ridiculous as Obama’s reality.

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You know what this country needs?

More folks depending on the government.

No, really. That’s the conclusion of … wait for it … the government.

The Washington Examiner reports that the government says not enough people are depending on the government:

“Given that only 15 percent of you turn to government assistance in tough times, we want to make sure you know about benefits that could help you,” USA.gov announced today. The ”government made easy’ website has created a “help for difficult financial times” page for people to learn more about the programs.

Now, just maybe, what they’re saying is true. That is, 15% turn to government during “tough times.” So, what about the other 35%?

They were at the government teat all along.

Now you know why Obama’s approval rating will never get below 40%. You got at least 35% that believe in letting everybody else take care of them. Throw in in the fact that most of the news polls are weighted nearly +10 Democrats, plus the crazy statistic that over 95% of blacks like Obama despite the fact that black unemployment is way up under his term, and there’s no way that his poll numbers will drop very far.

And, if the government can get more sucking on its teat…

Sigh.

150 years ago, Democrats were using guns to keep people in physical chains. Today, they’re handing out your money to get people to voluntarily put on financial chains.

The tactics change. The objective doesn’t.

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According to a report in The New York Times, over 70% of Obama’s followers on Twitter are fake.

Based on how bad the economy is, how bad Obama is at … well, anything, and how his poll numbers are still up in the 40s, I assume most of these fake followers are also answering all the polls. I just hope they aren’t all registered Democrats.

Of course, it would make sense if these fake followers voted for Obama in November. He seems to have the illegal alien vote, the repeat vote, and the dead vote already, so the fake Twitter vote seems likely.

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Ed Schultz. Remember him? He’s still around, apparently.

He’s got a problem with women. Well, maybe not all women. But women with brains.

He’s all ticked off over Augusta National admitting women to their club. At least, the women they invited. He says they should have admitted Hillary Clinton or Michelle Obama. (Tip: Newsbusters)

[Direct link]

One of his “concerns” was that Augusta National admitted two rich women. Of course, everybody in Schultzland knows that Michelle Obama and Hillary Clinton, his picks, are dirt poor. Plus, neither of them had the advantage of growing up black near Birmingham, Alabama like Condoleezza Rice did.

Ignore the fact that it’s a private club. Oh, wait. Don’t. It is a private club. And they invite who they want. And, they wanted those two women. But, for Schultz and the left, that just won’t do.

See, in Schultzland, women don’t count unless they are liberal women. Right-wing women? Sluts.

If Ed Schultz wants to talk about stuff going on in Augusta, I have a couple of stories he could spend time on. There’s the Wal-mart toe-sucker. And, there’s the monkey party guy.

Those stories would be great for him. Tell the truth, now. Would you be shocked if, when his gig on TV finally, mercifully ends, Schultz winds up drunk with his pants down in a room full of monkeys, planning a night out sucking toes at Wal-mart? I didn’t think so.

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Yummy, tasty hate

You saw that thing the police are investigating as a hate crime, right?

No, not the shooting last week at the Family Research Council. That was a white gay rights activist that shot a black security guard at a conservative organization. Nothing says “hate crime” there because the shooter was left-wing, and therefore, incapable of hate. The bullets he fired were bullets of love and peace and rainbows.

I’m talking about … bacon! On the ground! In a city park!

“This has been determined to be a bias event on the part of our Hate Crimes Task Force,” NYPD Commissioner Ray Kelly told reporters, including WCBS 880′s Rich Lamb.

Unless, of course, it’s a left-wing gay activist that dropped his bacon.

Still, I am upset that someone would put bacon on the ground. Bacon goes in my belly. After it goes through the frying pan. Or the George Foreman Grill.

Mmm. Bacon.

I’m gonna commit a hate crime all over my breakfast plate in the morning. With eggs. Scrambled. With cheese.

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