SeeRockCityYou’re probably thinking I’m about the brag about how great SEC football is, aren’t you. Well, it is, but I’m not gonna do that right now. Wait until a little closer to football season.

But, I am gonna brag about our SEC. Our state execution chambers. You know. Where they take folks on death row when it’s time to execute their sentence. The one in Georgia works quite well.

I bring this up because Arizona took 117 minutes to put one Joseph Rudolph Wood to death yesterday. I’m not crying over the length of time it took for Wood to die for the murders of his ex-girlfriend and her father back in 1989. No, he’s had nearly 25 years on the state dime. If it took him a little long to pay the piper, that’s too bad. But I do have a problem with his execution. An hour and 57 minutes is just way too long. There’s overtime involved, for one thing. And at the most basic level, it’s inefficient.

And Arizona isn’t the only state running an inefficient death chamber. Back in January, it took Ohio 26 minutes to put down Dennis B. McGuire for raping, sodomizing, and killing a pregnant woman in 1989. The 25 years that Ohio kept him around more than makes up for the 26 minutes it took him to die. But, still, 26 minutes is not very efficient.

Then there’s Oklahoma and the trouble they had with Clayton Derrell Lockett back in April. They actually didn’t execute him, not really, but he died anyway. That’s the one where they stopped the execution when it didn’t go exactly as planned, but the convict had a heart attack on the gurney and died anyway. So it worked out. He died at the hands of the state for burying a girl alive back in 1999.

I have a solution for these states that have trouble executing convicted killers. Come to Georgia. We do it right.

Remember when everybody got their panties in a wad over the Oklahoma execution by heart attack? Well, about seven weeks later, Georgia marched Marcus A. Wellons to the little room at the Georgia Diagnostic and Classification State Prison in Jackson, and put him to sleep for raping and strangling a 15-year-old girl back in 1989. Georgia simply strapped him down and ended his life. Quick, simple, efficient.

So, for the states that have trouble, contact the state of Georgia about contracting out the executions. Chain your convict up real good, give him some escorts, and y’all come on over. Drop the intended off at Jackson, then … go play tourist.

You can head over to Hampton if there’s a NASCAR race that weekend.

Or, if the Braves are in town, catch a game at The Ted (it’ll be gone soon).

There’s Six Flags just west of Atlanta.

Stone Mountain on the east side of the capital city might have a fireworks show, if you don’t want to see a bunch of 90-foot-tall Confederate generals.

Grab a meal at Chick-Fil-A (they’re all over the place in Georgia) and a Coca-Cola (the formula was invented in Columbus, not Atlanta).

Drive down to the Golden Isles and put your feet in the water on Jekyll or Saint Simons.

Savannah is a nice place to visit, particularly if you want to get drunk on St. Patrick’s Day, so try to schedule your execution for mid-March.

If there’s the chance of a last-minute delay, and you don’t mind paying the state for the prison overtime, you can spend a few days in a cabin up in the north Georgia mountains.

Of course, you can go to Lookout Mountain just south of the state line at Chattanooga, TN, and, like the old signs on the barns used to say, “See Rock City.”

Go get yourself a real Vidalia onion.

Or, just sit on the banks of the Altamaha, relax, and catch some fish. Or, at the very least, drown some worms or crickets.

There’s lots to do. And, for you, as well as for your convict, there’ll be memories to last the rest of your life.

Send to Kindle

Thor got boobies

ThorChickThor has boobies.

That’s some comic book thing, by the way. But, a lot of comic book people seem to hang around the internetz, so you may already know what I’m talking about. You kids with your Archie comics and your hula hoops and your fax machines…

Anyway, Marvel comics has announced that Thor is a woman now.

“The inscription on Thor’s hammer reads ‘Whosoever holds this hammer, if HE be worthy, shall possess the power of Thor.’ Well it’s time to update that inscription,” says Marvel editor Wil Moss. “The new Thor continues Marvel’s proud tradition of strong female characters like Captain Marvel, Storm, Black Widow and more. And this new Thor isn’t a temporary female substitute – she’s now the one and only Thor, and she is worthy!”

I’m not sure how I feel about that. Partly, I don’t care, because I don’t read Marvel or any other comics. But, I do sorta care because it points out what’s wrong with entertainment today: people don’t have any ideas for story, so they use gimmicks.

I mean, there’s no reason to give boobies to Thor and make the Norse god really irritable on certain days. Well, unless you can’t come up with a good idea for a real story. Then, of course, making the god of thunder a chick keeps you from having to actually be creative. Plus, you get all the Hillary supporters on your side. After all, if Thor can be female, why not the president? They forget that Hillary would be less feminine than the current office-holder. And that’s not a slap directed at Hillary.

Anyway, what are the ramifications of Thor having boobies? No, really. What are they? You see, I really don’t read comics, so I have no idea what Thor the comic is all about. I did some research, but ran across things like alternate universes and the Negative Zone, and villains like Zarrko, Bloodaxe, Surfer, Thunderball and such.

Yeah. I’m not reading all that.

Anyway, Thor’s got boobies. Did I mention that? Will this really work? And, if so, what’s next? Batman and Robin as lesbians? Catwoman as a dude?


I’ve never been so anxious for a meteor to take us out than I am now.

Send to Kindle

A Carney a Day…

Didya hear? Jay Carney is being considered for a new job. Spokesman for Apple.

Yes, that Jay Carney. Barack Obama’s own Baghdad Bob, Jay Carney. Former White House Press Secretary Jay Carney. That’s the one.

According to reports — or several reports all quoting one source — Carney is being considered as the head of PR at the tech giant.

That’s not really what I want to hear. But, I’m sure some Apple bashers will love it. So, go ahead.

First, let me tell you that I’m not one of the Apple bashers. I’m typing this up on my MacBook Pro (my second Apple laptop), with my iPhone 5s (my third iPhone) and iPad Air (my second iPad) nearby. Oh, and the TV screen is showing content from my Apple TV (my second). So, no, I’m not an Apple basher. But, the Cupertino Kids are opening themselves up for it now. So now, go ahead. Bash away.

Let me offer a couple of topics, to try to direct this thing. Who would be a “better” head of PR than Jay Carney? Or, just as bad? Like Tommy Flanagen? The Jon Lovitz character, not that actor with the similar name, although maybe him, too.

Or Muhammad Saeed al-Sahhaf? You know him as Baghdad Bob.

Perhaps other suggestions for positions at Apple? If Jay Carney is a good fit, who else would be?

Send to Kindle


WonderBreadGuess who leans right more than the Koch Brothers?

Wonder Bread!

Actually, it’s Flowers Foods, the company that makes Wonder Bread.

The details of this are that, since 1984, no company has given a higher percentage of its political donations to Republican candidates than Flowers Foods. The New York Times reports that in that time period, only three Democrats have received money from the company, and no Democrats in the last 20 years.

What about the other side of the coin? Who gives money to Democrats? Royal Bank of Scotland.

Citizens Financial Group (properly, RBS Citizens Financial Group Political Committee) has, over time, given a greater percentage to Democrats than Republicans. The gap has been closing, though. In 2008, RBS gave 84% to Democrats and 16% to Republicans. So far in 2014, it’s been 56% Democrat, 44% Republican.

But, no company on either side give as much to one side as Flowers.

Will this change my eating habits? No. I’ve eaten Sunbeam, Durst, and Merita for years. Natures Own, Cobblestone, and Wonder Bread are all brands I’ve bought regularly. Well, not a lot for Cobblestone, but the others.

But, I gotta wonder. Will the left jump on this as a reason to attack Wonder Bread? Of course. It’s what they do. And, the article in the New York Times focused on the right-leaning companies, while barely mentioning the left-leaning ones. Particularly the foreign-owned bank that heavily supports Democrats.

Is there a point to all this? Only that I’m glad to see that a company that I’ve been buying stuff from for years isn’t turning around and giving it to folks that are trying to make my life a living hell. And, that when I’m buying bread, I’ll do like the guy on TV used to tell people: say it with Flowers.

Send to Kindle

If you love your computer so much…


I’m wondering if I should just post a link to this story and offer “sigh” or something similar as a comment and leave it as that. If this was teh twitterz, then that might be the best thing to do. But it’s not. Twitter, I mean. It still might be the best thing to do.

But, I’m well past that point, so here goes with the long version.

Some guy in Florida wants to marry his computer. Really.

Okay, maybe not really. It’s kinda hard to tell.

Normally — which loses more and more meaning every day since nothing seems to be normal any more — I’d think this was satire. And, it might be. But, these days, you never can tell.

Chris Sevier did file a lawsuit saying he wanted to marry his computer. But, whether or not it’s a real thing or if he’s just using a lawsuit to try to make a point … well, I’m not sure.

He says his computer is so full of porn that he enjoys using it as part of his sex life.

“Over time, I began preferring sex with my computer over sex with real women,” he told a court in Florida.

That’s another thing I’m not sure about. That he had sex with real women. Maybe he did. But, from the looks of things, it may have been proceeded with his using the phrase, “It puts the lotion on its skin.”

Anyway, it could be that he’s taking a round-about way to make a point against gay marriage. He’d be better served by some other method of displaying his opposition.

Then, again, maybe he really does want to marry his MacBook Pro.

If he does, though, what will happen if he’s seduced by a slimmer, trimmer MacBook Air? Who will take care of the discarded MacBook Pro? And, what of the children? Maybe they’ve had some little iPads or iPods. Who gets custody?

It’s a slippery slope. Probably from all the lube.

Send to Kindle

Nerd Heaven and Hell

Where are all the nerds?

Well, not near the Atlantic or Gulf waters. Utah and Alaska are the states where you’ll find most of the nerds, if a study by house-shopping Website Estately has any validity.

According to Estately, “rural western states are prime habitat for nerds.” And, of the 50 states plus the District of Columbia, my home state of Georgia ranks 48. For comparison, Frank J. lives in Idaho, the number four state on the Nerd List, and Harvey lives in Wisconsin, the number 14 state.

How do they rank the states? Here’s what they say they did:

To do this, we analyzed Facebook data for every U.S. state and the District of Columbia to determine the percentage of users who listed these 12 criteria as interests:

  1. Star Trek: The Next Generation
  2. Cosplay
  3. Harry Potter
  4. Star Wars
  5. Anime Movies
  6. Dungeons & Dragons
  7. LARPing (Live Action Role-Playing)
  8. Doctor Who
  9. Fantasy Lit
  10. Lord of the Rings
  11. Magic: The Gathering
  12. Comic Books

Now, looking at that criteria, I’m wondering if I know what a nerd really is. I’ve always thought of myself as a nerd, and, maybe for Georgia, I am. But if this is the criteria, I’m not so sure.

Star Trek Next Generation? Well, I like the original Star Trek better. Star Wars? Well, the first three movies (Episode IV, V, VI) were good. And, the sixth one (Episode III) was almost good. Almost. And, of course, I like Doctor Who, but I’m still a little new to the whole Who thing, and I’ve not seen any of the new shows (2005 and later). The rest of that stuff on the list? That’s not me. That’s not even close.

So, maybe I’m not as nerdy as I thought. Or, maybe the study if flawed.

But, let me take a couple of issues with some of the conclusions the study reached.

The South is a virtual nerd desert…

Look at the map.


It’s not exactly “the South” that is Nerd Hell. It’s all the states that touch the Gulf and Atlantic, excepting Maine (I blame Canada, which surrounds half of Maine), New Hampshire (only 13 miles of coastline, and bordering Maine), and Rhode Island (why is that even a state?). It’s the Atlantic/Gulf waters that drive Nerds away. I didn’t even get in to Doctor Who until I moved 200 miles across the state away from the Atlantic.

I was a little surprised that Georgia ranked so low (48) yet West Virginia (10) and Kentucky (7) ranked higher. Never figured Boyd Crowder was that much into Cosplay.

Looking at the map, what do you think? Is it accurate? Or is the study flawed?

Where are the nerdiest places? And what makes them that way?

Send to Kindle

Let’s all order Happy Meals

happymealsYou heard about McDonald’s and the Happy Meal thing, right? That they’re no longer differentiating between boy and girl toys?

Some girl, it seems, got her panties in a wad over the differentiation, according to Slate. Maybe she was getting her boxers in a wad over it, which might actually explain things.

I wonder how she deals with Mens and Ladies rooms.

Anyway, McDonald’s is going to stop calling the toys “boys” and “girls” but by the actual name of the toy. Like “My Little Pony” or “Skylanders” or whatever.

The pantywaists who came up with this and gave in to this all seem to claim that you really can’t have “boy toys” or “girl toys” just like you can’t have “man jobs” or “woman jobs.” Only, I’ve still not been hired as a wet nurse, despite my constant pleas for such a job. And I don’t know of any women professional sperm donors. Or football players. Or presidents.

Here’s what I’m gonna do, and I want you to do it too. Go into a McDonald’s and order a Happy Meal. And when they ask you which toy, and name some toy you’ve never heard of — just what the heck is “Skylanders?” — do like I’m going to do and say, “I don’t know, I want the one for boys.” Or girls, if you have a girl that wants a girl toy. I’m going to ask for boy toys, because I have two young grandsons. I might ask for a girl toy, just to screw with them.

Do this every time you go to McDonald’s. I know I’m going to. It should be fun! And McDonald’s is all about the fun.

Send to Kindle

Maybe this’ll stop the Euro-gasms. Maybe.

GermanJudeYou ever notice how the left just loves Europe? They want to be just like Europe.

I’ve been listening to crap for years where otherwise seemingly nice and smart people talk with such glowing terms about who wonderful Europe is and how we could learn from them and how … Well, a phrase to describe what overcomes would be “Euro-gasm.”

Yeah, that may sound all … ewwwww … but it really fits. And I bet you know people like that, too.

Well, maybe this’ll put a stop to that.

Turns out that in the Netherlands that is hiring — are you paying attention here, left-wingers? — Whites only:

Wesley de Laat, owner of Budget Cleaning Brabant, has been lambasted for his “whites only” stance and his later defense. “White workers are better than non-white workers,” he told the media this week. “I don’t discriminate,” he went on. “I just don’t invite them for interview. Poles, Moroccans, any non-whites are not going to be hired to work for this company. Ahmed and Ali are probably very good people, but I don’t want them working for me.”

Now, this isn’t the first recent incident of this kind of discrimination. Just one of the most recent.

And, if I understand my history any, I think that others in Europe have had issues with different races from time to time. To time. To time. All the time.

Well, perhaps this will open the left’s eyes that the way things happen in Europe isn’t the way to emulate. This country, when we act like Americans, can do pretty good coming up with things on our own.

But, it probably won’t. The left can’t learn anything. That would involve paying attention and learning from history and experience. The left simply has an ideology and then is shocked and stunned when reality intervenes. And the results are often catastrophic.

There is a cycle to things. But, it’s not inevitable. At least, not if you do something about it. But if you repeat the same mistakes, you’ll get the same results. Racial discrimination is nothing new. It’s just the result of what the left is doing, and those of no moral fiber have done, for years.

Here’s the other thing. The left has been having a Euro-gasm for years. And they’re looking to keep that feeling going. Only, I have the bad feeling that someone’s gonna end up getting screwed.

Send to Kindle

More spider attacks

SpiderwebRemember when we told you about spiders causing air bags in Toyotas to deploy?

Well, those eight-legged beasties are at it again. Now, they’re targeting Mazda cars, according to a Reuters report.

Here’s the deal.

There’s something called a Yellow Sac spider. I’m assuming it’s yellow. And that it is from Omaha. Not sure about that part. But, it is a spider. And that tells you that it’s evil.

Spiders are sneaky little buggers. They’ll crawl up in your ears when you’re asleep. They’ll hide on the back side of the toilet paper roll. And, while I can’t prove this, I think they hide your car keys. And take socks from the dryer. They have way too many legs to be trustworthy. I mean, why do they need all those legs. Well, it’s not for anything good, I’m here to tell you.

Anyway, those Yellow Sac spiders like the smell of gasoline. Now, unlike that fellow from the eighth grade that walked kinda funny, they don’t sit on the porch and huff gasoline. No, those little spiders crawl up inside a gas tank and spin their little webs in the tubing. That causes the tanks to not vent properly and that messes up the pressure, which can then cause the tanks to crack and leak. Then, when you least expect it … BOOM! … you have the end to a Mel Gibson movie.

Anyway, they’re recalling a bunch of Mazda cars on account of this.

I wonder if they search the pages of the Obamacare law, if they’ll find spiders spinning webs in all that. If they do, you think they’ll be able to recall it, too?

Might be worth a look.

Send to Kindle

Don’t drink and warp drive

KirkBeerNow there’s Klingon beer.

And, no, I’m not out of my Vulcan mind.

There’s a Canadian company — that’s in Canadia, I think — called Federation of Beer that sells something called Vulcan Ale. It comes in bottles (in Alberta, British Columbia, and Saskatchewan) and cans (Alberta and Ontario). And, it’s officially licensed by CBS Studios, who owns the rights to Star Trek. It’s brewed by a Montana company, Harvest Moon, although Vulcan Ale isn’t for sale in the U.S.

Now, if you look at their Website, they have a little blurb up about Klingon beer coming soon. It will also be sold by Federation of Beer, but it will be brewed in the U.S. (by Tin Man Brewing in Indiana) according to the Hollywood Reporter.

The beer’s flavor draws from blending rye malt with a traditional clove character, creating what CBS calls “a bold beer suited for the harsh Klingon lifestyle.”

The beer will be previewed at the Nightclub & Bar Show in Las Vegas on March 25, before being released across the U.S. and Canada later this year.

Though I’m a Star Trek fan — Kirk > Picard — I’m not a beer drinker. So, this won’t impact me much. Even if I was a beer drinker, I don’t know how much it would impact me. I mean, if they made Star Trek cereal, I might, as a kid, want a box of that. It’d taste like veQ, but begin a kid, I’d eat it up anyway. But, as an adult, I wouldn’t buy Star Trek cereal. I’d still stick to Raisin Bran, Cheerios, or Mini-Wheats.

But, a beer-drinking Star Trek fan? “Mom! Did you remember to pick up some Klingon Beer? And some Cheetos?”

Okay, maybe that’s unfair. Some of us that grew up on the original series actually moved out of the basement years ago. And, who knows. You might actually be able to pick up a green woman with it.

Send to Kindle

Mystery solved!

DalekHeadBack in 2009, a man in Hampshire — the old one in the UK, not the New one that lives next to Vermont — found a Dalek head in a pond.

They don’t really know how a villain from Doctor Who ended up losing its head in a pond, and this mystery has been simmering for five years. There were some episodes filmed in Hampshire in Season 22 of Doctor Who, but apparently not at the pond where the Dalek head was found. In a recent follow-up news story from earlier this month, there was still no confirmation of it being from that Doctor Who serial. Or any.

Well, after reading the follow-up, Harvey put me on the task of finding out where it came from. And, in the time since, I’ve been reviewing episodes involving Daleks, hoping to find evidence of the origin of the Dalek head. But, it remained a mystery.

And then, I looked at IMAO. And I found the answer. Frank had the answer the whole time: the Navy SEALs did it.

Think about it. What did they do with Osama? They shot him in the head and chucked him into the water.

Those Somali pirates? Shot them in the head and chucked them into the water.

It’s what they do: shoot the bad guys in the head and chuck them into the water.

According to the documentary I’ve been watching, the Daleks have invaded Earth several times, and were defeated each time. We saw The Doctor defeating them. But really, could some guy wearing anything from frilly shirts to overlong scarves to celery stalks to funny hats hope to bring down the Daleks by himself? Or by himselves? No. But, with help from the Navy SEALs, the Daleks could be defeated. The Doctor would do some silly thing involving a clever turn of a phrase, while the Navy SEALs would shoot them in the head and chuck them in the water.

The Navy SEALs method is a little more effective. Just ask Osama. Or the fish that ate him.

Send to Kindle

Vive la différence

MenWomenSo, you think men and women are different?

Well, there’s a neuroscientist in Birmingham (the one on England, not the one in Alabama) that says there are no difference between the brains of men and women.

“The bottom line is that saying there are differences in male and female brains is just not true. There is pretty compelling evidence that any differences are tiny and are the result of environment not biology,” said Prof Rippon.

Oh, that’s Professor Gina Rippon.

Sounds just like a woman, doesn’t it. She says that it’s environment, not biology that makes the sexes different.

That’s right. She says sex doesn’t make a difference.

I’m thinking she’s not doing it right. Or nearly enough.

Send to Kindle


biopicThen world has turned upside down. I’m having to take sides with Ellen Degeneres.

I remember when she was an up and coming comedian (comedienne?), and thought she was okay. She was no Jeff Dunham, but she was alright. But I never thought she was more than alright.

When she got her own TV show back in the ’90s, I checked it out, but didn’t stay with it. It was a sitcom called “These Friends of Mine” and her character worked at a book store. I think she later bought it and they re-titled the show “Ellen” but I had stopped watching it by then; it wasn’t that good of a show.

And, that’s the show where she came out. Apparently, viewers of the show were the last people on Earth to know she was a homosexual. I mean, it really was kinda obvious, right? So, why it was a big deal at the time, I still don’t understand.

Anyway, she’s now the poster boy (so to speak) for lesbians or gays or something. And, she’s the 2010s version of Billy Crystal or Johnny Carson, in that she’s the go-to guy (so to speak) for the Academy Awards.

From what I can tell, it seems the Academy Awards had a TV special recently where they gave out this year’s Oscars. It wasn’t on Hulu Plus or Amazon Prime, so I didn’t see it. But, I read about it. And, I read that a bunch of people were getting their panties in a wad over some joke Ellen told.

Now, as I said, she’s a comedian of moderate talent, and some jokes work, and some jokes don’t. Here’s the one that people didn’t like the most.

“Hello to the best Liza Minnelli impersonator I’ve ever seen,” she said — to Minnelli herself. “Good job, sir.”

Now, that’s funny. There are a lot of Liza Minnelli impersonators out there. More than there are Judy Garland impersonators (go figure). Or Elvis. And, most of them are men.

But some people are getting all hot and bothered by it, calling Ellen transphobic (whatever the heck that is) and mean (what?). (Tip: Chicks on the Right)

For Pete’s sake, it was a joke. Not a great joke, but a good one. But I am angry about it.

I’m having to defend Ellen Degeneres. That’s how nuts the Politically Correct crowd is. In case you didn’t already know.

Send to Kindle

What if a liberal had to actually think?

CanadaFlagLeafLiberals (or “progressives” for those that think that moniker disguises their ill-thought philosophy) in America must really be thankful that this next item is happening in Canada, and not here in the U.S.

Liberals have a way of supporting certain people for specific reasons without having to put any thought into it. For instance, if someone is gay, then they’re automatically worthy of praise. If someone is a Moslem, that person is in the right all the time. And, of course, if someone is a liberal politician, they can drive an Oldsmobile off a bridge and leave a woman underwater to die and be a hero. There’s no thought involved. If they are one of you, or one of your pet causes — maybe they think of them as pets? — you automatically support them, damn the facts of the situation. No thought necessary.

There’s a situation the Canadians are having to deal with up in Toronto that would drive a liberal nuts. Well, liberals are already nuts, so, more nuts. Seems a lesbian walked into a Moslem barber shop and asked for a haircut:

Shop co-owner Omar Mahrouk told her his Muslim faith prohibits him from touching a woman who is not a member of his family. All the other barbers said the same thing.

Now, she’s filed a complaint with some rights commission or whatever it is the Canadians have up there in Canadia. They’ll end up doing some Canadian thing, and it will probably be stupid unless it involves hockey, beer, and a moose. If they resolved it with hockey, beer, and a moose, that would be awesome.

I’m just waiting on something like this to happen here in the U.S. Imagine the situation liberals would be in. They’d have to pick a side. They’d have to think about it. And, goodness knows, liberals don’t have the capacity to think.

Then, again, maybe we could go one better than the Canadians. What do you think would be an even better situation to happen here in the U.S.? One that would involve two of liberals’ pets going at each other? What story would you like to see happen?

Send to Kindle

Piers Morgan

PiersMorganFlameI saw an article on the Internets that said that Piers Morgan was leaving his show on CNN. That brings up some questions.

First, what’s CNN? Are they still around?

Next, isn’t Piers Morgan the guy from The Apprentice?

Who gave him a TV show on something that pretends to be a news network?

Did Frank J’s recent absence from IMAO mean that he’s behind the sacking of Piers Morgan?

If anyone knows the answer to these questions, well, it’s okay. You don’t have to leave the answers here. It just means you know more about CNN than whoever is running things there now.

But, this apparently means that CNN has an opening. So, who should take the job? Not who will, because that will, in all likelihood be some foreigner, or some left-wing idiot. Or, they’ll rehire Piers Morgan and get two-for-one.

So, again, who should get the job at CNN?

Send to Kindle