Six Californias

FlagCaliforniaA report from ABC News says there’s a proposal in California to split the state into six separate states. It recently got the green light from the state’s Secretary of State.

Now, will it go anywhere? Probably not. But should it?

On the one hand, the idea of six Californias is scary. One is plenty bad enough. But six?

On the other hand, the thought of taking an axe to that state and cutting it into small pieces is attractive.

Okay, some of you may live in California, and not appreciate either sentiment. But really, it’s your own fault for living there. There are 49 other states, some of them that actually don’t suck, that you could live in. Or, you could stay there and actually do take it from the crazy liberals that are running the shoe. But, you’ve done neither. So, when people trash California, you gotta take some of the blame.

Anyway, breaking up California. Crazy idea?

It’s been done before. Kind of. Maine was actually part of Massachusetts until 1820. Go look it up.

West Virginia was the part of Virginia that didn’t secede during the War Between The States. It was given its own status as a state 1863.

So, yeah, breaking a state up has been done before. But still, should California be broken up? Or should other states be broken up?

I won’t be broken up about it. What about you? What do you think?

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Stupid people

DoNotDrinkPeople are stupid.

No, not every person is stupid. I’m not. You’re not. But if you’re at work or school or some other place around a bunch of other folks, look around. A lot of the people you’re looking at are stupid. And, some of your relatives? They’re stupid too. I know some of mine are.

How stupid are people?

Well, according to a survey conducted by the National Science Foundation, around one in four Americans don’t think the Earth revolves around the Sun. Okay, you know and I know that actually, they both revolve around the barycenter of the Sun-Earth pair. But, that point is practically the center of the Sun. So, yeah, for all practical purposes, the Earth revolves around the Sun.

Of course, if you look a little deeper at the survey results, you’ll see this:

Generally, U.S. residents showed a knowledge of science comparable to those of other countries with high levels of education, including Japan, the European Union and South Korea, the NSF said. In fact, they did better than EU residents on the question about whether Earth moves around the sun.

That’s not good news for America, though. It’s simply bad news for the rest of the world. The rest of the world has stupid people in it, too.

But, I don’t really care much that other countries have stupid people. They have kings and prime ministers and want the government to take care of them because they’re incompetent, and stupid to boot.

What bothers me is that we have so many stupid people in the U.S. But we do. Having a hard time believing that? Well, consider that Americans voted for Barack Obama. Twice. The stupid is strong in this country.

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What’s in a name?

ARedRoseHowLovelySheila Crabtree is no longer. But she is Sexy.

According to the Columbus Dispatch — from that fake Columbus in Ohio, not the real Columbus in Georgia — Sheila Crabtree hated her name — the “Sheila” part, not the “Crabtree” part — so she had it changed. And, her new first name is “Sexy,” after a judge in Licking County, Ohio granted her request.

Why “Sexy?” Well, she explained:

“I wear Victoria’s Secret clothes all the time,” said Crabtree, who doesn’t want you to know how old she is. “I was like, ‘Shoot, I’ll just go for Sexy.’”

So, having the name “Sexy” makes her sexy? Sad news for you ma’am. If you weren’t sexy before, you won’t be sexy afterwards, no matter what your driver’s license says.

I’m worried, though, that others may follow her lead, and change their name to something they desperately want to be, but aren’t. For instance, I fully expect Barack Obama to change his name to Really Smart Guy. Because if anything says the opposite of really smart, it’s Barack.

Maybe MSNBC will change its name to TheNetworkEveryoneWatches.

Or the Winter Olympics to ThingsThatAreActuallyInterestingToWatch.

Or the 12-member Big Ten Conference to WeReallyDoKnowHowToCount Conference.

Or the 10-member Big Twelve Conference to the WeWillHaveTwelveMembersAgainOneDayMaybe Conference.

Apple could change its name to WeAreNotJustForDouchebags.

Microsoft could become BlueScreenOfDeathNeverHeardOfIt.

I wonder where else this trend might lead.

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Viewing Michael Sam: the difference between the Right and the Left

Here’s how conservatives see Michael Sam:


Football player for the SEC East champs.

Now, here’s how liberals see Michael Sam:



And that is the difference between conservatives and liberals.

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Soon, maybe

MarsCraterTwenty years ago this summer, in July 1994, a comet known as Shoemaker-Levy 9 smashed into Jupiter. That was a big deal with scientists because they got to see just how big of a deal getting hit by a comet or asteroid was. I suppose if the dinosaurs were still around, they could have just asked them.

Last week, word came out that a meteorite had recently smashed into Mars. They’re not sure just when it hit. They think some time between July 2010 and May 2012. They don’t really know because they weren’t watching for it. NASA has been busy with Muslim outreach, and other scientists are too busy trying to prove that cold weather is a result of Global Warming.

Oh, and, in case you forgot about it, the Moon was hit last March.

So, what do these events, spanning 20 years, have in common?

Well, let’s look at them.

In 1994, Shoemaker-Levy 9 missed Earth by 400 million miles.

In 2010 or so, an asteroid missed Earth by 40 million miles.

In 2013, an asteroid missed Earth by a quarter-million miles.

Those of us that have decided the best thing would be to rooting for an asteroid strike? Take heart. The aim is getting better.

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Snow Day

[Geeks of Doom – Facebook]

Yeah, I know. We aren’t used to snow around here. We have no plan to deal with it. And, since the roads ice over, we’re slip-sliding all over the place in large vehicles weighing several thousand pounds.

I’m a 100 miles southwest of Atlanta, and the roads here were iced over. That means when you travel at a snail’s pace, foot off the gas, but have to press the brakes for a stop sign or a pedestrian or another car or something, you start sliding and skidding, traveling forward at about 20° off-center. Not a good feeling, particularly if you’re not used to it.

Schools closed, many businesses and agencies closed, and a lot of people had a vacation day. Some of us worked. And, because a lot of people didn’t show up (some nearby counties closed all their roads), we actually got some stuff done.

Go ahead and make fun of us. We can’t handle snow. And we have no desire to learn. We can handle hurricanes. Heck, we play football in hurricanes here in Georgia. You won’t see any hurricane-related scandals here. But snow? You can keep that stuff.

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Angry Birds and Bad Piggies

BadPiggiesSo, what level of Angry Birds are you on? Three Stars on all levels? That’s great.

I’m not the one thinking so (though that does impress me). Obama’s NSA thinks so.

Seems that Angry Birds is one of the methods the NSA is using to gather data on you.

The New York Times reported this week that the NSA and other spy agencies are able to access and exploit the data that many smartphone apps, including Google Maps and Angry Birds, collect.

The N.S.A. and Britain’s Government Communications Headquarters were working together on how to collect and store data from dozens of smartphone apps by 2007, according to the documents, provided by Edward J. Snowden, the former N.S.A. contractor. Since then, the agencies have traded recipes for grabbing location and planning data when a target uses Google Maps, and for vacuuming up address books, buddy lists, telephone logs and the geographic data embedded in photographs when someone sends a post to the mobile versions of Facebook, Flickr, LinkedIn, Twitter and other Internet services.

Now, before you get all angry at Obama or the NSA, you need to take a breath. They say they don’t really use the data or even look at it if you’re not a terrorist. Apparently, they can tell before they look at it. And, of course, just because Obama lied about Benghazi, about Obamacare, about jobs, about the deficit, about, well, everything else, doesn’t mean he’s lying about this. And even if he is, you still shouldn’t blame him.

Blame the people that voted for him. None of what we know about Obama and his ilk is new. We’ve known it all along. So, yeah, blame the people that voted for him. Those are the real Bad Piggies.

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Attack Cows

ChickFilAA report from Germany says that cows blew up a shed at a farm in Rasdorf.


Methane gas from 90 flatulent cows exploded in a German farm shed on Monday, damaging the roof and injuring one of the animals, police said.

Why were cows collecting the gas? What do they have in mind? Are they plotting against us? Did we dodge a bullet here, and the cows tip their hand by accidentally blowing themselves up?

Here in the US, cows are best known as advertising icons for a chicken restaurant. Well, that and giving milk. And…

Oh. Yeah. Hamburgers.

Maybe that’s it. Maybe they don’t like being in sammiches. So, why are they collecting their farts to blow things up in Germany? Well, what’s the most famous sammich in which you’ll find cow parts? That’s right. Hamburgers. And where is Hamburg? Yep, in Germany.

So, what do we do? Nothing. The hamburger was actually invented in the US, not in Germany. Stupid cows don’t have any idea what they’re doing.

I’m not saying it’s okay that cows are blowing things up in Germany. I’m saying that the Germans got it under control. They don’t need out help. If any country knows how to wage war on a group, it’s Germany. That’s why the terrorists don’t attack them.

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Coca-Cola hacked!

Coke2You heard about the data breach at Target. Then, the one at Neiman-Marcus. But now, Coca-Cola has been hacked.

Think about that for a minute. You might have Coca-Cola in your refrigerator. Which means there’s hackers in your house. Or your Westinghouse!

And, if you don’t, there’s still the chance you’ve ordered a Coke at a drive-thru. That means you ended up with a Quarter Pounder, Large Fries, and Russian Hacker in the bag.

Hit the break room at work? Put a dollar in the machine, and it dispenses a security threat in a 20-oz bottle.

There’s no hiding any more. Hackers are in your wallet, on your Facebook and Google machine, and now in your soft drinks.

The only place they haven’t hacked is your bathroom. When that happens, it’s really going to hit the fan.

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Third World iPhone

iPhone4I saw a report in The Times of India’s business section that iPhones sales in that country are slow, and Apple is looking to improve sales by bringing back the iPhone 4.

In case you forgot, or just didn’t know to begin with, the current iPhone, the iPhone 5s, is the 7th generation of the iPhone. That makes the 4th generation iPhone 4 really old in the smartphone world.

But, in poorer locations, you’re less likely to have people buying a $649 smartphone — that’s the price of an iPhone 5s without a carrier subsidy. In Third World countries like India, Apple doesn’t sell a lot of their higher-priced phones. So what are they going to do? Well, I told you already: they’re bringing back the iPhone 4. Pay attention.


There’s an aspect of the story missing. Guess where else you can buy an iPhone 4? Walmart. Really.

The iPhone 4 is one of the phones you can get as part of their Straight Talk no-contract service.

Which means India just got downgraded to Walmart status. Is it any wonder other countries hate us?

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Apparently this is news

LenaDunhamI saw a report that the producer of Girls went on a tirade when asked about nudity on his show.

Hey, nudity. That’s always good for a laugh. So, I clicked the link and read the story. When I was done, I knew less than I did when I started.

First, what’s Girls? I mean, I know what girls are; I’ve even helped produce one. But, apparently, Girls is a TV show on HBO. Now, if I had cable, maybe I’d know more about what’s going on. But I’m kinda thinking not. I used to have cable, but didn’t subscribe to HBO. And, a long time ago, when I did subscribe to HBO, I found that I rarely watched it, which is why I dropped HBO. And, later, dropped cable.

But, here’s what I can tell you. It’s a TV show on HBO. That’s pretty much it.

I looked into it a little bit, and best as I can tell, it’s set in the largest melting pot of America and is about four white, heterosexual women. Like Sex in the City, but not because, well, it’s just not. Lena Dunham is the star.

I know, “who is Lena Dunham?” I don’t know. Some liberal feminist chick who who wants to promote diversity and same-sex marriage by starring in a show about four white, heterosexual women. And, she apparently walks around naked in the TV show a lot. Having never seen the show, I can’t vouch for this. But, apparently, she walks around enough for a reporter to ask about it and the producer to go nuts about the question.

Apparently, seeing Lena Dunham naked is enough to cause people to want to watch the show. Which is silly, because the Internet is crawling with pictures of Lena Dunham naked. No, I’m not gonna give you a link. If you know how to use The Google, though, you won’t have any problem. But, let me offer this warning: those pictures of Lena Dunham naked? They look like Lena Dunham. Only without clothes.

You have been warned.

Anyway, she’s apparently somebody, and when someone else gets his panties in a wad about a question about her, it’s news.

It’s days like these when I’m searching the skies, hoping to see a meteor headed this way.

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The joke’s on me

corzine-approval-ratingI’ve been trying to come up with a way of poking fun at Obama’s slipping poll numbers. I’ve considered and rejected some really lame ideas. So far, the best I’ve been able to come up with is along the line of this:

News From Next Year

WASHINGTON, December 31, 2014 (AP) – The president’s poll numbers have held steady for a year despite Republican claims that the president’s policies have been increasingly unpopular. Polling services stopped conducting polls regarding the president’s popularity in January, a move roundly criticized by Democrats.

“Our own internal polls show that the president’s policies are increasingly popular,” said outgoing Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid. “Hardly a day goes by that I don’t ask my staff ‘How’s the president doing?’ Support for the president is at an all-time high. Trust me on this.”

Despite record number of uninsured Americans, Obamacare’s popularity is high among House Democrats, according to Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi. “It’s a shame that Republicans have been sabotaging the Obamacare Website by running ads all summer and into the fall. It’s caused people to lose their benefits, and then they have the audacity to blame it on a law nobody read.”

Even with the popularity of Obamacare, the president’s approval rate has stayed in the 30s since polling stopped.

Anyway, I was thinking about something like that. But, I won’t finish it.


Turns out Obama’s pollster beat me to it. Really.

Reporters should go the next “year without reporting any public polling data,” Joel Benenson, president and CEO of Benenson Strategy Group, said.

It’s so hard to make fun of people that parody themselves.

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It’s only Rock N Roll…

20131223-080358.jpgWhile traveling this weekend, I was flipping around the radio, and ran across SiriusXM 26, which is normally classic rock from the ’60s and ’70s, but was dedicated to the Rock N Roll Hall of Fame this weekend.

I had heard there was question in some minds about a few of this year’s inductees, but I didn’t bother with it. Seriously, what does it matter?

Until I was alone in a car for over five hours listening to some radio station telling me why these people deserved to be in the Rock N Roll Hall of Fame. Now, it is my mission in life to see that place razed, paved over, and an Indian casino put up in its place.

I do not claim to be an expert in rock music. Yes, I was a radio DJ in the 1970s, but that speaks more about my age than anything else. And it’s that age thing that sorta matters. I was around then. I’m not being told what music was like and what the world was like. I was there.

When you look at the Rock N Roll Hall of Fame bio of Cat Stevens, it speaks of his bravery in converting to Islam. So, I guess they’ll be inducting Muhammed Ali soon? Born as Steven Demetre Georgiou, Cat Stevens did have some hits in the ’70s, but I wouldn’t call “Oh, Very Young,” “Morning Has Broken,” or “Peace Train” rock anthems. Hippie music, sure, but that doesn’t mean it’s rock n roll.

And, sure, it wasn’t a popular thing for a Roman Catholic-raised child of a Greek Orthodox and a Baptist (or anyone, for that matter) to convert to Islam around the time the Ayatollah Khomeini was putting together his return to Iran, Cat Stevens did that, taking the name Yusef Islam (which translates to Joe Moslem). But what’s that got to do with the music? It didn’t suddenly make “Moon Shadow” a rock song.

And Peter Gabriel? Seriously? Even the Rock N Roll Hall of Fame had a harder time coming up with a bio for him. So, they talked about other stuff:

The epic song “Biko” directly inspired the Artists Against Apartheid movement as he spearheaded the Amnesty International A Conspiracy Of Hope and Human Rights Now tours.

See. They shoulda just chucked Nelson Mandela in a hole in the ground and spent the entire ceremony playing Peter Gabriel songs.

Now, I will grant that his music is more rock that Joe Moslem’s, but putting him in the Hall of Fame? That’s like putting Mario Mendoza in baseball’s Hall of Fame. The real one, not the one in Mexico.

And, speaking of Mexico, it seems that her album of Mexican music was enough to grant Linda Ronstadt admission to the Hall of Fame.

I remember playing a lot of her hit singles in the 1970s. That list includes…
“You’re No Good”
“When Will I Be Loved”
“Heat Wave”
“The Tracks of My Tears”
“That’ll Be the Day”
“It’s So Easy”
“Poor Poor Pitiful Me”
“Tumblin’ Dice”
“Back in the U.S.A.”
“Ooh Baby Baby”
“Just One Look”

All cover versions of songs made famous by others. Which means that the band playing down at the Holiday Inn has a chance for induction next year.

I think I’ve calmed down now. I’ll worry about more important things now.

Until I get back in the car to head home, and turn on the radio. Then I’ll be ticked off again.

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Name that school

NathanBedfordForrestThere’s a school in Jacksonville that is going to get a new name.

Nathan B. Forrest High School (Go Rebels!) won’t be Nathan B. Forrest High School much longer. The reason? Somebody didn’t like who Nathan B. Forrest was.

So, who was Nathan B. Forrest? Other than Forrest Gump’s ancestor? Well, he was a slave trader before the War Between the States, a Confederate general in the War, and a member of the first incarnation of the Ku Klux Klan after the war.

You may wonder how Nathan B. Forrest High School came by that name, particularly when over half the students are black. Well, neither they nor their parents were consulted in the naming, that’s for sure. Most of the students at Nathan B. Forrest High School come from either J.E.B. Stuart Middle School (Home of the Raiders) or Jefferson Davis Middle School (Home of the Chargers). So, I assume you’re seeing a pattern here.

Anyway, Nathan B. Forrest High School won’t be Nathan B. Forrest High School much longer. The Duval County School Board voted to change the name. But they don’t know what to. As soon as they come up with a name, they’ll spend around $400,000 to change signs, stationery, uniforms, and such.

And here’s where we can help.

Let’s come up with a name for Nathan B. Forrest High School. Other than Nathan B. Forrest High School. Leave them in the comments. Whatever you do, don’t call the school board directly. Leave the suggestions here, so the school board can get some really great ideas.

I’ll start.

  • Generic High School
  • John Doe High School
  • He Who Shall Not Be Named High School
  • Cthulhu High School
  • James T. Kirk High School
  • John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt High School
  • Frank J. Fleming High School
  • Inigo Montoya High School
  • Heywood Jablome High School
  • Pussy Galore High School
  • Plenty O’Toole High School
  • Bond, James Bond High School
  • Jack Goff High School
  • Buster Cherry High School
  • Mike Hunt High School
  • Sofonda Peters High School
  • Oliver Klozoff High School
  • Jacques Strap High School
  • Seymour Butz High School
  • Hugh Jass High School
  • Amanda Hugginkiss High School
  • Blast HardCheese High School
  • Dirk HardPec High School
  • Smoke ManMuscle High School
  • Bob Johnson High School

Not sure if those will work. What ideas have you on the matter?

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How did this happen?

It’s not fresh news, but it’s still shocking and surprising to me.


In Johannesburg last week, there the fake stood, on TV for the whole world to see. It was the funeral of Nelson Mandela, and one by one, dignitaries came to the podium and spoke. But it soon became apparent that something was wrong.

The picture above shows the problem. There is the fake, standing there for the cameras. He knew he was begin watched. He must have known that people would eventually realize that he wasn’t capable of doing the job he was picked to do. He had no qualifications, and, based on statements that have come to light, is a serial liar.

Today, people realize he’s a fake, and has even been the subject of derision on Saturday Night Live recently.

But, even after everything I’ve read and heard, I still don’t understand how it came to happen. How, oh how, did Barack Obama ever get elected?

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