Mystery solved!

DalekHeadBack in 2009, a man in Hampshire — the old one in the UK, not the New one that lives next to Vermont — found a Dalek head in a pond.

They don’t really know how a villain from Doctor Who ended up losing its head in a pond, and this mystery has been simmering for five years. There were some episodes filmed in Hampshire in Season 22 of Doctor Who, but apparently not at the pond where the Dalek head was found. In a recent follow-up news story from earlier this month, there was still no confirmation of it being from that Doctor Who serial. Or any.

Well, after reading the follow-up, Harvey put me on the task of finding out where it came from. And, in the time since, I’ve been reviewing episodes involving Daleks, hoping to find evidence of the origin of the Dalek head. But, it remained a mystery.

And then, I looked at IMAO. And I found the answer. Frank had the answer the whole time: the Navy SEALs did it.

Think about it. What did they do with Osama? They shot him in the head and chucked him into the water.

Those Somali pirates? Shot them in the head and chucked them into the water.

It’s what they do: shoot the bad guys in the head and chuck them into the water.

According to the documentary I’ve been watching, the Daleks have invaded Earth several times, and were defeated each time. We saw The Doctor defeating them. But really, could some guy wearing anything from frilly shirts to overlong scarves to celery stalks to funny hats hope to bring down the Daleks by himself? Or by himselves? No. But, with help from the Navy SEALs, the Daleks could be defeated. The Doctor would do some silly thing involving a clever turn of a phrase, while the Navy SEALs would shoot them in the head and chuck them in the water.

The Navy SEALs method is a little more effective. Just ask Osama. Or the fish that ate him.

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Vive la différence

MenWomenSo, you think men and women are different?

Well, there’s a neuroscientist in Birmingham (the one on England, not the one in Alabama) that says there are no difference between the brains of men and women.

“The bottom line is that saying there are differences in male and female brains is just not true. There is pretty compelling evidence that any differences are tiny and are the result of environment not biology,” said Prof Rippon.

Oh, that’s Professor Gina Rippon.

Sounds just like a woman, doesn’t it. She says that it’s environment, not biology that makes the sexes different.

That’s right. She says sex doesn’t make a difference.

I’m thinking she’s not doing it right. Or nearly enough.

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Ellen

biopicThen world has turned upside down. I’m having to take sides with Ellen Degeneres.

I remember when she was an up and coming comedian (comedienne?), and thought she was okay. She was no Jeff Dunham, but she was alright. But I never thought she was more than alright.

When she got her own TV show back in the ’90s, I checked it out, but didn’t stay with it. It was a sitcom called “These Friends of Mine” and her character worked at a book store. I think she later bought it and they re-titled the show “Ellen” but I had stopped watching it by then; it wasn’t that good of a show.

And, that’s the show where she came out. Apparently, viewers of the show were the last people on Earth to know she was a homosexual. I mean, it really was kinda obvious, right? So, why it was a big deal at the time, I still don’t understand.

Anyway, she’s now the poster boy (so to speak) for lesbians or gays or something. And, she’s the 2010s version of Billy Crystal or Johnny Carson, in that she’s the go-to guy (so to speak) for the Academy Awards.

From what I can tell, it seems the Academy Awards had a TV special recently where they gave out this year’s Oscars. It wasn’t on Hulu Plus or Amazon Prime, so I didn’t see it. But, I read about it. And, I read that a bunch of people were getting their panties in a wad over some joke Ellen told.

Now, as I said, she’s a comedian of moderate talent, and some jokes work, and some jokes don’t. Here’s the one that people didn’t like the most.

“Hello to the best Liza Minnelli impersonator I’ve ever seen,” she said — to Minnelli herself. “Good job, sir.”

Now, that’s funny. There are a lot of Liza Minnelli impersonators out there. More than there are Judy Garland impersonators (go figure). Or Elvis. And, most of them are men.

But some people are getting all hot and bothered by it, calling Ellen transphobic (whatever the heck that is) and mean (what?). (Tip: Chicks on the Right)

For Pete’s sake, it was a joke. Not a great joke, but a good one. But I am angry about it.

I’m having to defend Ellen Degeneres. That’s how nuts the Politically Correct crowd is. In case you didn’t already know.

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What if a liberal had to actually think?

CanadaFlagLeafLiberals (or “progressives” for those that think that moniker disguises their ill-thought philosophy) in America must really be thankful that this next item is happening in Canada, and not here in the U.S.

Liberals have a way of supporting certain people for specific reasons without having to put any thought into it. For instance, if someone is gay, then they’re automatically worthy of praise. If someone is a Moslem, that person is in the right all the time. And, of course, if someone is a liberal politician, they can drive an Oldsmobile off a bridge and leave a woman underwater to die and be a hero. There’s no thought involved. If they are one of you, or one of your pet causes — maybe they think of them as pets? — you automatically support them, damn the facts of the situation. No thought necessary.

There’s a situation the Canadians are having to deal with up in Toronto that would drive a liberal nuts. Well, liberals are already nuts, so, more nuts. Seems a lesbian walked into a Moslem barber shop and asked for a haircut:

Shop co-owner Omar Mahrouk told her his Muslim faith prohibits him from touching a woman who is not a member of his family. All the other barbers said the same thing.

Now, she’s filed a complaint with some rights commission or whatever it is the Canadians have up there in Canadia. They’ll end up doing some Canadian thing, and it will probably be stupid unless it involves hockey, beer, and a moose. If they resolved it with hockey, beer, and a moose, that would be awesome.

I’m just waiting on something like this to happen here in the U.S. Imagine the situation liberals would be in. They’d have to pick a side. They’d have to think about it. And, goodness knows, liberals don’t have the capacity to think.

Then, again, maybe we could go one better than the Canadians. What do you think would be an even better situation to happen here in the U.S.? One that would involve two of liberals’ pets going at each other? What story would you like to see happen?

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Piers Morgan

PiersMorganFlameI saw an article on the Internets that said that Piers Morgan was leaving his show on CNN. That brings up some questions.

First, what’s CNN? Are they still around?

Next, isn’t Piers Morgan the guy from The Apprentice?

Who gave him a TV show on something that pretends to be a news network?

Did Frank J’s recent absence from IMAO mean that he’s behind the sacking of Piers Morgan?

If anyone knows the answer to these questions, well, it’s okay. You don’t have to leave the answers here. It just means you know more about CNN than whoever is running things there now.

But, this apparently means that CNN has an opening. So, who should take the job? Not who will, because that will, in all likelihood be some foreigner, or some left-wing idiot. Or, they’ll rehire Piers Morgan and get two-for-one.

So, again, who should get the job at CNN?

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Six Californias

FlagCaliforniaA report from ABC News says there’s a proposal in California to split the state into six separate states. It recently got the green light from the state’s Secretary of State.

Now, will it go anywhere? Probably not. But should it?

On the one hand, the idea of six Californias is scary. One is plenty bad enough. But six?

On the other hand, the thought of taking an axe to that state and cutting it into small pieces is attractive.

Okay, some of you may live in California, and not appreciate either sentiment. But really, it’s your own fault for living there. There are 49 other states, some of them that actually don’t suck, that you could live in. Or, you could stay there and actually do take it from the crazy liberals that are running the shoe. But, you’ve done neither. So, when people trash California, you gotta take some of the blame.

Anyway, breaking up California. Crazy idea?

It’s been done before. Kind of. Maine was actually part of Massachusetts until 1820. Go look it up.

West Virginia was the part of Virginia that didn’t secede during the War Between The States. It was given its own status as a state 1863.

So, yeah, breaking a state up has been done before. But still, should California be broken up? Or should other states be broken up?

I won’t be broken up about it. What about you? What do you think?

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Stupid people

DoNotDrinkPeople are stupid.

No, not every person is stupid. I’m not. You’re not. But if you’re at work or school or some other place around a bunch of other folks, look around. A lot of the people you’re looking at are stupid. And, some of your relatives? They’re stupid too. I know some of mine are.

How stupid are people?

Well, according to a survey conducted by the National Science Foundation, around one in four Americans don’t think the Earth revolves around the Sun. Okay, you know and I know that actually, they both revolve around the barycenter of the Sun-Earth pair. But, that point is practically the center of the Sun. So, yeah, for all practical purposes, the Earth revolves around the Sun.

Of course, if you look a little deeper at the survey results, you’ll see this:

Generally, U.S. residents showed a knowledge of science comparable to those of other countries with high levels of education, including Japan, the European Union and South Korea, the NSF said. In fact, they did better than EU residents on the question about whether Earth moves around the sun.

That’s not good news for America, though. It’s simply bad news for the rest of the world. The rest of the world has stupid people in it, too.

But, I don’t really care much that other countries have stupid people. They have kings and prime ministers and want the government to take care of them because they’re incompetent, and stupid to boot.

What bothers me is that we have so many stupid people in the U.S. But we do. Having a hard time believing that? Well, consider that Americans voted for Barack Obama. Twice. The stupid is strong in this country.

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What’s in a name?

ARedRoseHowLovelySheila Crabtree is no longer. But she is Sexy.

According to the Columbus Dispatch — from that fake Columbus in Ohio, not the real Columbus in Georgia — Sheila Crabtree hated her name — the “Sheila” part, not the “Crabtree” part — so she had it changed. And, her new first name is “Sexy,” after a judge in Licking County, Ohio granted her request.

Why “Sexy?” Well, she explained:

“I wear Victoria’s Secret clothes all the time,” said Crabtree, who doesn’t want you to know how old she is. “I was like, ‘Shoot, I’ll just go for Sexy.’”

So, having the name “Sexy” makes her sexy? Sad news for you ma’am. If you weren’t sexy before, you won’t be sexy afterwards, no matter what your driver’s license says.

I’m worried, though, that others may follow her lead, and change their name to something they desperately want to be, but aren’t. For instance, I fully expect Barack Obama to change his name to Really Smart Guy. Because if anything says the opposite of really smart, it’s Barack.

Maybe MSNBC will change its name to TheNetworkEveryoneWatches.

Or the Winter Olympics to ThingsThatAreActuallyInterestingToWatch.

Or the 12-member Big Ten Conference to WeReallyDoKnowHowToCount Conference.

Or the 10-member Big Twelve Conference to the WeWillHaveTwelveMembersAgainOneDayMaybe Conference.

Apple could change its name to WeAreNotJustForDouchebags.

Microsoft could become BlueScreenOfDeathNeverHeardOfIt.

I wonder where else this trend might lead.

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Viewing Michael Sam: the difference between the Right and the Left

Here’s how conservatives see Michael Sam:

MichaelSamConservatives

Football player for the SEC East champs.

Now, here’s how liberals see Michael Sam:

MichaelSamLibs

Homosexual.

And that is the difference between conservatives and liberals.

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Soon, maybe

MarsCraterTwenty years ago this summer, in July 1994, a comet known as Shoemaker-Levy 9 smashed into Jupiter. That was a big deal with scientists because they got to see just how big of a deal getting hit by a comet or asteroid was. I suppose if the dinosaurs were still around, they could have just asked them.

Last week, word came out that a meteorite had recently smashed into Mars. They’re not sure just when it hit. They think some time between July 2010 and May 2012. They don’t really know because they weren’t watching for it. NASA has been busy with Muslim outreach, and other scientists are too busy trying to prove that cold weather is a result of Global Warming.

Oh, and, in case you forgot about it, the Moon was hit last March.

So, what do these events, spanning 20 years, have in common?

Well, let’s look at them.

In 1994, Shoemaker-Levy 9 missed Earth by 400 million miles.

In 2010 or so, an asteroid missed Earth by 40 million miles.

In 2013, an asteroid missed Earth by a quarter-million miles.

Those of us that have decided the best thing would be to rooting for an asteroid strike? Take heart. The aim is getting better.

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