Nuke the News: Can’t Defend Capitalism or Criticize the President

* This whole Cory Booker thing is pretty funny. All he does is say, “You know, maybe capitalism isn’t such a bad thing,” and Obama screams, “How dare he! Bring me his head!” and then Obama’s campaign forces hunted down Booker and made him confess his crimes on video.

There’s not a lot of wiggle room for viewpoints in the Democrat Party right now how Obama had done a horrible job on the economy and needs to keep this laser-like focus against Romney’s record in business. But does the attack even make much sense? Let’s say you buy their argument that Romney is a vulture capitalist, what does that mean he’ll do as president? Sell off all the country’s assets? The point is whether Romney was a good or evil businessman, he at least has some experience of how the economy works which is way more than Obama can claim. You can’t be worse than Obama on jobs even if you tried really hard.

* A teacher in North Carolina told her students that they can’t criticize the president. I hope that’s not true; now the unemployed will have even less to do all day.

* Colin Powell hasn’t decide yet whether he’s going to endorse Obama again. It doesn’t make me feel good that our military was once under the leadership of a man who couldn’t easily identify a useless twit as a useless twit, and he really should have at least made a strategic withdrawal from his support of Obama years ago. Still, if he wants back in the Republican Party, he better apologize to all of us. And buy us candy.

* Here’s a neuroscientist tearing apart the liberals’ recent pseudoscience on conservative versus liberal brains. Liberals are really insecure about how poorly their arguments fair in the public, so they’re constantly turning to “science” to prove they’re right which just shows their lack of understanding of the concept. Sorry, we’re not going to mix two chemicals in a beaker and see what color it changes to to solve any political arguments. That’s done through punching hippies.

* SpaceX launched a Falcon 9 rocket that could be the first commercial craft to dock with the International Space Station. So perhaps we’re finally embarking on the commercialization of space. Some night soon, we’ll look up to skies and, instead of seeing stars, see lots of space billboards. Hey, it’s not going to be pretty if we finally want to get some movement in space exploration. But if we keep investing, we’ll finally get our ultra-libertarian Mars colony. Yeah, have fun dealing with your crushing debt alone, earthlings!

* A major DC comics character is going to come out of the closet. Every Aquaman comic to begin with Aquaman turning to the readers and yelling, “It’s not me! Stop asking!”

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UPDATE: Linked by I’m a Man! I’m 41!

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Nuke the News: Shut Up With That Horrible Truth

* Got this email from the DNC entitled “Its largest ad assault against President Obama yet” complaining about all the negative ads targeted at Obama. It’s kind of funny.

“Obama has been a really horrible president, and now the extreme right-wing and Karl Rove are spending millions noticing that.”

It would be nice to have more positive campaigns, but it’s hard when your opponent is Obama-level horrible. It doesn’t really matter if the other guy is any good, just don’t reelect the failure.

* You know how I said Cory Booker is becoming my favorite Democrat? While on Meet the Press Sunday, he defended Bain Capital and denounced attacks on private equity. That’s pretty damaging to the Obama campaign, so they’ve already pushed Booker into walking back his accidental blurting of the truth. As John Podhoretz says, “Cory Booker fears Obama more than he fears fire.”

Maybe Booker should consider becoming a Republican. We can speak our mind freely. …Well, you might get called a RINO if you’re not careful.

* The Democrats have completely given up on the white working class. Their coalition is basically just going to be college educated white and minorities. Or, to see it more accurately, it’s going to be lower class minorities and college educated whites to rule them and tell them what to do. That’s healthy; I’m sure that will last a long time.

Does it disturb anybody else that basically no white males vote for the Democrats anymore, but that’s still most of their leadership?

* Could the Elizabeth Warren thing get anymore hilarious? It’s like a slow motion trainwreck of awesome. It’s not just a blond-haired, blue-eyed hypocritical liberal claiming to be a minority or just that her evidence of her minority status is that she wrote a recipe for crab and mayonaisse for a book called “Pow Wow Chow,” it’s that she apparently plagiarized that recipe. Could she be anymore awful?

Early on, I got this John Edwards vibe from her when this rich white woman was raging against the rich to the cheers of dumb liberals, and it ends up she is just as horribly slimy and dishonest. Rich people who rail against rich people are all horrible, dishonest people and probably sociopaths. It should have been obvious with Edwards, and it should have been obvious with Warren.

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Nuke the News: The President Is a Birther

* Man, it’s Friday and I don’t feel like talking about politics. So what have you all been up to that doesn’t involve politics?

Oh. Really? That’s boring. Back to politics!

* Obama apparently used to be a nutty birther. Yep, in his bio for his literary agent, he claimed to have been born in Kenya.

Now, I find birthers to be annoying, so it’s a shock to find out the president is one. We can’t have a nut like that in the presidency; it will make us look like idiots. It’s time for him to go. No one in a position of power should be making such nutty claims. We have two candidates, and one of them, Romney, has consistently said that Obama was born in Hawaii. Let’s elect the sane one.

* Brand new shocking information about Obama found by someone actually reading Obama’s book: Obama liked to drive drunk. What a lot of neat stuff we’re finally finding out about Obama four years after he was elected. Belly full of dog, mind clouded with gin, out loose on the highways. But he got over those rough early years to be a complete disaster as president.

His next memoir should really be written as a comedy.

* Jeremiah Wright claims he was offered money to keep quiet about Obama and…

Weird. I just got a PayPal donation from Obama for… Wow. That’s quite a bit.

Know what. Never mind about this. Let’s go on to the next item.

* Here’s a blogger for Comedy Central whining about how conservatives are overtaking Twitter. If there’s one thing Twitter has taught me, it’s that there are a lot more funny conservatives than liberals. They just don’t have jobs in comedy.

* I know I’ve been making fun of the move Battleship since — you know — it’s a movie based on the board game Battleship, but the director actually seems kind of cool and pro-military. Here’s a funny interview for Israel where he gets on the reporter for not being in the military (language warning). Also, a character in the movie is a disabled veteran who lost both his legs played by an actual disabled veteran who lost both his legs in Iraq — and gets to be part of a cool action scene. I kind of want to see the movie now.

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Nuke the News: 99 Versus the Zero

* Looks like we may have another debt ceiling fight. The Republicans want some spending cuts so we can at least pretend we’re one day going to take on all the debt we have, while Obama just wants to spend and spend without any limits. Well, maybe there can be a compromise. Republicans will raise the debt ceiling with the only requirement being that Obama sign a letter stating, “I am not a serious person and have no intentions of righting the American economy and debt and only care about political power. I am a failure as president and as a human being. The reason dogs have been mysteriously disappearing form local neighborhoods is me.” How about that? That at least makes sure we’re all on the same page.

* Obama’s budget failed in the Senate, 99-0, because Obama is a useless, silly person. The Democrats, in fact, didn’t have one vote for any budget as they are all useless, silly people. I guess any rational budget would just highlight what a huge mess they’ve made of things. In fact, Harry Reid’s current plan to deal with things is to go completely senile so everything seems fine. It’s working pretty well, actually.

* Well, this whole Warren Elizabeth “faux-cahontos” thing has become a mummer’s farce. It really looks like she is in fact no parts Cherokee though apparently Harvard claimed the pasty white Warren as their law school’s first woman of color. Liberals are such hypocritical jokes about race. I really think she’s going to have to change her political slogan from its current “Give me back my land, pale-faces!”

* A Super PAC is considering bringing up Jeremiah Wright. Democrats are already freaking out. You can go after Romney on a bullying incident from 50 years ago or how he once treated a dog, but talking about Obama’s crazed racist pastor who was his main spiritual influence is out of bounds. I think a good point with Wright and Bill Ayers is that Obama has a history of being around awful people and keeping silent to help himself politically.

Still, I’m not sure it’s worth focusing on this. Usually you bring up the personal stuff about a candidate to say he’s going to do a bad job when in office. For Obama, the fact that he’s going to do a bad job has now been proven by him unfortunately trying to do the job. We probably should mainly focus on that because the Democrats will love any distraction away from it.

* Bipartisan funny – Governor Chris Christie and Mayor Cory Booker made a video together:

I have to say, Booker is quickly becoming my favorite Democrat.

* So we had movies based on amusement park rides and now, with Battleship, we’re down to movies based on board games. Where do we go down from there? Movies based on elementary concepts?

“I got it — Sand… the Movie! Everyone knows what sand is; it’s got great name recognition.”

My hope is that one day someone at home on his computer will be able to make a movie just as easily as one can write a novel. We’ll have an artistic Renaissance when Hollywood is out of the picture. It’s like what happened to journalism when people like me were able to join in because of the internet — i.e., the most awesome thing ever!

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Nuke the News: Obama’s New Grade

* Obama, who previously gave himself a “solid B+” has now downgraded his grade to “incomplete” while speaking to the harpies on The View. You can just imagine him pleading to his professor, “Please don’t give me an F! Give me an incomplete instead! My dog ate my homework and then I ate the dog!”

I’m pretty sure the presidency is pass/fail anyway. He’ll get his grade in November.

* The Obama administration has charged CBS and the New York Times with bias. You’d think they’d keep quiet about that bias, but they’re actually claiming it was against them in that recent, devastating poll. Of course, this follows a pattern for Obama of trying to whine his way out of problems. “Wah! We are super popular! That poll is just mean and you’re stupid!” It’s pretty annoying, but the whining will turn to sweet music when it’s them complaining about how they lost.

“Wah! People didn’t vote for us despite how great we are because they’re racist!”

“Whatever, Rosa Parks. Here’s your bags; get out.”

* Romney has likened Obama’s rapid increasing of our debt to a prairie fire. I guess that works as analogy.

CITIZEN: “Oh no! This prairie fire is spreading rapidly! We have to do something!”

OBAMA: “I know: We’ll burn our way out of it. Let me get my flamethrower.”

CITIZEN: “That’s a horrible idea!”

OBAMA: “SHUT UP! YOU’RE STUPID AND I’M SMART!”

CITIZEN: “Gah! You’ve made things much worse! What a complete and utter failure!”

OBAMA: “It’s an incomplete.”

* Breaking News: Chris Matthews is pretty stupid. He’s one of those people extremely insecure about his intelligence — and for good reason — and so he often lashes out at others, especially Palin, to make himself feel smarter. He often mused about how bad Palin would do on Jeopardy!, and then he went on it himself and was a complete boob. Because he’s dumb.

I really don’t know how this dim bulb got on TV in the first place. They should make a show co-hosted by him and Biden where they just let them rant on the news for a half-hour and then award one of them at the end for who said the dumbest thing that night. It will be a tough, exciting competition!

* So the Ron Paul campaign ended. Yeah, I didn’t know it was still going on either. His views just weren’t popular. It ends up that people hate gold and love the Fed. Also, they’re not particularly enamored by cranks and their overenthusiastic crank supporters. Well, there’s always 2016 to… waste money on a pointless campaign that only pesters people. Seems like his politics would be more at place in a road show. He could travel town to town and have some hapless neocon for him to debate and easily defeat — it would be like the Harlem Globetrotters. Something to consider.

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Nuke the News: Obama Ripped Off My Book

* Remember the section in my book where I compare Obama to every previous president? Well, Obama has decided to do that himself and has inserted himself in the official White House bio of previous presidents saying how he is continuing and improving upon their legacies. He only goes back to Coolidge, but I assume eventually he’ll add to all their bios showing how he is the culmination of all the presidents before him and thus the greatest president ever in the history of everything.

Totally ripping me off. I bet he’s already constructing his robot unicorn body.

* According to Obama, we don’t have to worry because “The question is not whether things will get better, they always do.” See things always get better, so we don’t have to worry. But if it’s inevitable that things get better, shouldn’t that go with a more Calvin Coolidge, leave things alone attitude? I mean, if it’s a foregone conclusion things will get better, no reason to panic and spend a trillion in useless stimulus, right?

* A new CBS/NYT poll of registered voters — not likely voters which always leans more Republican – has Romney leading 46 to 43. He’s even leading among women. This is almost apocalyptic for Obama.

Hey, what was that Obama said about how we don’t need to worry because things always get better…

* A new Obama ad calls Romney a “vampire” for what his firm did to jobs. But vampires are very popular these days; maybe that’s how Romney closed up the gender gap.

If Romney is a vampire towards jobs, what’s Obama? A zombie plague?

* Governor Jerry Brown is calling for big cuts and big taxes to close up the nearly 16 billion California deficit. Unlike the federal government, a state government can’t go into debt so it makes it harder to hide the government’s complete and utter failure.

Isn’t there talk of how California will eventually break off the continent and sink into the sea? That does seem like its most economically viable option right now.

* The right is dominating the Twitters. It may have a silly name, but it’s yet another way to allow conservatives to easily get their voice out and thus they’re dominating it. The reason the right fall behind in the media is few want to make it a full time job, but give conservatives the option to commentate or make jokes in their spare time, and you’ll find a lot of talent. Al Gore invented the internet, and now his own creation is destroying the left.

* Diablo III is out today. Considering how hugely successful the previous one was, it’s strange they waited more than a decade for the sequel. One innovation is that you’ll now be able to trade fictional goods to other people for real money. Our economy in the real world is floundering, so maybe it will do better in a virtual world. There’s no Obama to mess things up in the world of Diablo. There are demons and stuff, but they don’t raise taxes.

Max Payne 3 is also out. I loved the previous games and never got tired of diving in slow motion while firing two guns, but I’ll wait on this one. I’ve paid $50 for new releases of video games since I was a kid, and that’s the most I’ll still pay now. Why is everything $60 now? Obama must have screwed up video game prices like he did gas. We need more drilling; I don’t know how that will help video game prices, but it won’t hurt.

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UPDATE: Linked at Commentary Magazine

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Nuke the News: Obama Is Now Gay

* I have a new New York Post column! I worry that our country’s problems are just too boring to focus on and muse about what kind of warlord I’ll bee.

I mean, most of these are the same problems we had back in the ’70s. No one solved them then, because they were distracted by the president being a bitten by a rabbit.

Read it. Discuss it. Like it on Facebook.

* Obama is teh ghey!

Apparently Newsweek and Time are in competition for most insane cover story, but I still don’t know if that justifies hiring the mentally unbalanced, Palin womb-obsessed Andrew Sullivan. It might be possible that Obama could carefully play his gay marriage support in a way that won’t hurt him, but his idiotic supporters will make that hard.

And maybe Newsweek should fully embrace it’s new freak show vibe and instead of charging $4 an issue they should charge a nickel a gander.

* Obama has a new attack ad on all the layoffs at Bain… that happened after Romney left the company. So if I can get this straight, Romney is responsible for job losses when he no longer worked at a business, but Obama isn’t responsible for job losses while he is actually president?

Why are we even considering reelecting Obama when he this objectively bad at his job. It makes a mockery of the whole point of having elections. Only dictatorships are supposed to be stuck with the same awful leader no matter how badly he performs.

* The co-founder of Facebook has renounced his American citizenship to save on taxes before the IPO. It’s pretty bad when taxes chase people away from being citizens. I don’t know if I could ever renounce my citizenship, even if it was to avoid absurd taxes. Well, maybe I could lose my citizenship to dodge the taxes and then I’d sneak in illegally.

* Wisdom of the Day from Dan McLaughlin:

Real talk: Obama has done nothing that would warrant impeaching him, trying him for treason, or re-electing him.

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Nuke the News: Shiny Objects

At PJ Media, I detail my solution to the student loan debt problem.

Rats trained to pull levers to get food pellets have more useful skills than most of today’s college grads. And the cost of training rats doesn’t grow faster than inflation.

I like solving problems. In fact, in my next book coming out in September I solve every problem in America. So we’ll have to find new things to complain about here than problems.

* ROMNEY IS TEH BULLY!!!

Let’s just face it: We’re never going to focus on the economy for more than a couple seconds. We just don’t have the attention span. We try to pay attention to the important issues, and then shiny object pop up. Right now, it’s some poorly sourced bullying incident involving Romney.

It’s hard not to focus a bit on the double-standard here, as the media are digging hard for dirt on Romney but ignoring similar dirt on Obama that can be found just by reading his own book. But there’s no use whining about it; it’s just the way things are. We’re going to have to fight to keep the focus on the fact that Obama is a complete and obvious failure, and the Dems and the media are going to desperately seek any other subject than the important issues.

* That might not work, though. New Rasmussen poll has Romney at 50% and Obama at 43%. Logically, Romney should trounce Obama and this election should be very boring to analyze.

“Well, Obama was very bad at being president so he lost reelection by a large margin. People don’t like reelecting people who are bad at the job.”

We can hope.

* Biden apologized to Obama for forcing his hand on the gay marriage issue. What was the justification again for picking this blundering idiot as a running mate? He supposedly knew stuff about foreign affairs because he sat around in the Senate for three decades voting yes and no on stuff? When making any new government program, you need to ask yourself, “Will morons be able to implement this?” Because that’s all you get.

* The Los Angles Times asks “Is Obama too brainy to be president?” I really can’t tell if people are being serious or ripping me off.

Speaking of ripping me off, I noticed that Stephen Colbert is coming out with a book of a similar concept to my next one. Luckily, mine comes out a month earlier. And will be much funnier.

* Wisdom of the Day from David Burge:

I was expecting the election to be a referendum on govt spending, foreign policy and the economy, not an episode of ‘Glee’.

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Nuke the News: Courageous Stance!

* Big news yesterday. Obama took a strong, clear pro-donor money stance.

The funny thing to me is that what brought on Obama “courageous evolution” was Joe Biden just shooting his stupid mouth off as usual. All indications are that the White House was caught off guard by it and basically it, along with the North Carolina vote, made his position on gay marriage no one believed look all the more craven. They figured supporting gay marriage will hurt him with whatever religious voters the Democrats haven’t already scared away but him looking like the politically calculating coward he is was even worse.

So courageousness!

This probably neutralizes the flip flop issue for Romney, though. When called on anything, he can just say he “evolved.”

* I’ve already got a couple fund raising emails from Obama where you’re supposed to award him for his courage.

It starts “Today, I was asked a direct question and gave a direct answer”. Yeah, after 99 times of hedging on the answer. Yet, lots of Dems are applauding this. In their hearts they know how craven he is, but once again they want to believe. I always said this should be the campaign poster for Obama:

* Meanwhile, we got the back-patters like Shep Smith telling us how the issue is already decided and anyone against gay marriage is on “the wrong side of history.” Do they really think this gay marriage issue is going to end Christianity? The Bible seems to have a pretty clear definition of marriage straight from Jesus, so I don’t really see this going away. It may be like sex before marriage where society has decided its okay and most people ignore Christian morality on it, but the opposition will never end. “We’re really modern and we all believe this now” is not a sound theological argument that lasts.

* In non gay marriage, the economy is still crumbling and many people are still thinking of reelecting the incompetent boob who has been presiding over it.

* Wisdom of the Day from Jon Henke:

This is, what, the umpteenth consecutive news cycle that’s not about Obama’s record and the economy? This is how Democrats will win.

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Nuke the News: Obama Keeps Getting Creepier

* So Dick Lugar lost his primary. Ends up Republicans are starting to get tired of entrenched incumbents who are completely useless at achieving conservative ends. We keep getting told that if we just get reasonable candidates and never care about actually achieving anything, we can keep getting absolutely useless Republicans elected who never do anything. But the Tea Party is all for being risky and maybe actually doing something about the deficit before the country collapses. That’s why they’re radicals. You only get to be part of reasonable side of the GOP if you’re all for standing back and watching the country slowly get crushed under its debt.

* In the Democrat primary in West Virginia, prison inmate Keith Russell Judd got 40% of the vote. In fact, West Virginia Democrat Senator Joe Manchin wouldn’t even say who he voted for in the primary.

Maybe they just really like dogs in that state. And who has more baggage to deal with in the general: A prison inmate or Obama with his economic record?

* North Carolina has banned gay marriage. That’s the state Democrats are having their convention in this year. Because Obama also hates gay marriage. Though I think he was against the law in North Carolina. So he’s against gay marriage, but he’s also against being against gay marriage.

Some people act like gay marriage is this huge civil rights thing and everyone is evil and a hater who opposes it, but if they really cared that much, then shouldn’t they be excoriating Obama for his hugely cynical position on the issue and calling him a hater as well? But they don’t, so obviously no one really cares that much about same-sex marriage. Until I see them constantly screaming at Obama, I’ll assume gay marriage is just a silly partisan thing.

* Ends up Elizabeth Warren’s ancestors weren’t Cherokee but instead murdered Cherokees. That clears things up. So the reason Warren joined all those Native American groups was so she could more easily round them all up and make them march the Trail of Tears again.

* This is pretty weird: Obama’s White House requires visiting unborn children to be registered. I assume Obama then sends the mother a card explaining how much they’ll save over their lifetime for the cost of an abortion now. Because he’s budget conscious and helpful and doesn’t like people being punished with babies.

Obama’s creepy. Did you know he eats dogs?

* Wisdom of the Day from Kevin Eder:

Obama, who single-handedly devised the most audacious military plan in 500 yrs, can’t formulate a position on same-sex marriage. #GutsyCall

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