As Obama tweeted:
I see #letsgoeat is trending right now.
Ya suppose it’s just retweets of dog recipes from @BarackObama?
[High Praise! to Chris]
[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #3)
Take a hippie-punch at fame by creating your own IMAO-worthy video at Xtranormal (“If you can type, you can make movies”). Send a link to harvolson-at-gmail.com and I’ll give it a look. If it isn’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and it doesn’t suck too terribly bad, I’ll post it and let the readers throw roses and/or tomatoes at you.
A follow-up to the previous announcement.
Innomonatus’s project to record a multi-participant song, “We Don’t Eat Dogs” to the tune of “We Are the World”, is still moving along.
Pick some lines, record yourself singing (or doing whatever it is Bob Dylan does, if you have no singing talent), and send them to Innomonatus (his email link is in his right sidebar, near the top).
Ya know, I was worried this topic might blow over before the song was done, but I guess we can always count on Obama to light a cigar as the Hindenburg is landing.
It’s time for the “Obama Ate A Dog” jokes to end.
Not because the jokes aren’t funny. Some are.
Not because he didn’t eat a dog. He did.
But because now Obama is telling them:
Obama doesn’t do something unless it’s way too late or it was a bad idea to start with.
Well, there is the whole Leon Panetta and Hillary Clinton make it happen over Valerie Jarrett’s objections, but this doesn’t fall into that category.
No, this is definitely Obama deciding to tell an “Obama Ate A Dog” joke. Which means it’s time for them to end.
So, here’s your last chance. Share your favorite “Obama Are A Dog” joke.
“We need to portray Romney as a weirdo they can’t trust,” President Obama said in his strategy meeting. “That way, everyone will want to keep the country in my steady hands; they can see how well I putt.”
“We have a problem, though,” David Axelrod said. “Some weird stuff has come up about your past.”
Obama rolled his eyes. “This isn’t about that time I shot and ate a Chinaman, is it? They can’t dredge that up since I was only twenty-four at the time. And it’s not like something I’d normally do because I was high on coke. And nowadays, I lock myself in a room before doing blow.”
“No, it’s not that,” Axelrod said.
“Is this about Jeremiah Wright, then? My association with him shows I’m religious just like all those invisible sky fairy worshipers in the fly over states. I even participated in church activities like when I drove around with Wright and beat up white kids. I didn’t quite get the point of it, but I don’t really understand religion. What do we have against Satan again?”
“No, it’s not about that,” Axelrod said.
Obama sighed. “They’re not bringing up William Ayers again, are they? I barely knew the guy and hardly any of the bombs I made for him successfully went off.”
“No, that’s not it either.”
“Did they find my second wife? Romney can’t make an issue of that because his great-grandfather was a polygamist. And so what if she’s in al Qaeda; they’re hardly a threat anymore.”
“No not that. Here, I’ll show you.”
Axelrod turned on the TV. On screen was Mitt Romney talking to the press. “It’s come to my attention that Barack Obama has eaten dogs. While I’ve never personally met someone in the middle class, I’ve been credibly informed they don’t like it when people eat dogs. If I owned a dog as a child, I’d never have eaten him. Of course, as a rich person, my pet was instead a pygmy albino gorilla named Reginald. He did eat a dog, and I was very cross at him for it and locked him in his gorilla pen all night and didn’t give him the vintage Merlot he signed for.”
“What?” Obama exclaimed. “They’re bringing that up?! But I was only six… when I started. And we’re really careful to make sure each replacement Bo looks just like the last.”
“Still,” Axelrod said, “it makes you seem a little weird.”
“Romney can’t portray me as weird! He’s the weird one! He’s a Mormon, which means he wears magic underwear… which is way different than the cursed underwear I wear and am unable to take off.”
“Have you tried taking them off?”
“I TOLD YOU THEY’RE CURSED!” Obama screamed. “Anyway, the public will like me again when I finally get them the unicorns I promised them in my 2008 campaign. When do we show the public the breeding pair we found?”
“Um… don’t you remember? You killed and ate them.”
Obama thought for a moment. “No, I don’t remember. We really need better locks on my recreation room.”
“Anyway, the dog-eating isn’t all bad.” Axelrod handed Obama a memo. “When we polled who people like more, a dog-eater or the person responsible for the current state of the economy, the dog-eater polled much better. It might be better to keep people focused on that than on other things.”
Obama nodded. “Then I will do nothing but publicly eat dogs until the election.”
“And maybe start eating live kittens at some point if people begin to lose interest.”
“Consider it done!” Obama stood up. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to wind down. Get the locks ready.”
UPDATE: linked by Darth Chipmunk
I swear I *really* want to stop talking about this subject, but something keeps drawing me back in.
Maybe if I type out a some of these annoying thoughts swirling around my head, I can make it all go away.
1) In 1972, a Uruguayan rugby team’s airplane crashed in the Andes mountains, and some of them ate human flesh to survive. Unlike Barack Obama, none of them ate a dog.
2) If a liberal defends Obama’s dog-eating, just say – slowly, and with an honestly-confused look on your face – “yeah… but… Obama. Ate. A. Dog.” Ironically, said liberal will then get angry enough to bite the head off a terrier.
3) Obama supposedly ate a dog to gain its powers. Was his goal to lick his own privates, or did he just want to eat cat turds out of a litter box?
4) Speaking of dog-powers, Koreans regularly eat dogs, yet unlike a dog, North Korea has yet to successfully launch into Earth orbit. What’s up with that?
5) Many Americans are skeptical about whether Obama actually ate a dog, since he has yet to release his original, long-form recipe.
6) Some people are demanding that Obama apologize for eating a dog. Others call the notion ridiculous and insist that nothing short of reparations will suffice.
7) At a press briefing, White House Press Secretary Jay Carney responded to inquiries on Obama’s dog-eating by saying “it’s just a distraction”, and NOT – as some outlets reported – “a dachshund.”
8) The thing that angers liberals most about “Obama ate a dog” jokes is that they don’t make the people who tell them look racist.
9) And you thought Glenn Reynolds had trouble shaking the “puppy blender” moniker…
10) Obama never actually said he ate a dog. He only said he was “introduced to dog meat.” Begging the question, “after the introductions were over, when did he say his goodbyes?”
11) Meriwether Lewis (of Lewis and Clark fame) also ate dog. However, historians have yet to discover a single hilarious photoshopped image of him doing so.
12) Although Obama has promised that his dog-eating days are behind him, he was recently caught on a hot mic telling Russian President Dmitry Medvedev that, after the election, he’d have the “flexibility” to “chew on a dog” if Putin said his name 3 times.
13) Obama eating a dog is just a distraction from the real issues this country faces, like OBAMA ATE ROASTED GRASSHOPPER! Are we avoiding this discussion just because Mitt Romney never strapped a grasshopper to the roof of his car? The man ate a bug! And he wasn’t even being chased by Reavers!
14) Can you imagine how irritated feminists would be at the jokes being made if Obama had eaten a cat?
15) Hopefully, Obama eating a dog will finally make dogs seriously reflect and ask themselves, “why do they ate us?”. Also, they should reflect on their poor grammar skills.
And, because I’m sure you guys need to get it out of your systems, I’ll be awarding High Praise! to the worst “Obama ate a dog” pun that gets left in the comments. Allow me to set the bar nice & low:
“Why did Obama brag about eating a dog? Doesn’t he know that Americans find that re-pug-nant?”
* I think I might be about tapped out of Obama dog-eating jokes. Eh, I’m sure I’ll think of more eventually. Anyway, there’s now a Dogs Against Obama website. Here’s a video from it:
And here’s a special video about the most terrorized dog out there, Bo:
If you told me as a kid that we’d have a black president, I’d say, “Of course. I always assumed we would.” But if you told me we’d have a president who ate dogs, I’d say, “What! The Soviets win?!”
* Now that the general election is pretty much underway, who is up for some more VP speculation? Much of it is focused on Marco Rubio who is going to be giving some “major foreign policy speech” for some reason. Is he prepping himself for the national stage? The only problem is that the World Net Daily says Rubio isn’t eligible to be president and that the toaster over is spying on them.
The other name mentioned a lot is Rob Portman who is the the governor of Ohio who sjdaklja…
Whoops, I fell asleep there. He’s apparently the boring safe choice. Boring might be good, though. We can’t all have exciting picks like Joe Biden who just the other day referred to the Florida everglades as the “ever-gators.” That guy is full of endless amusement.
* Hey, I have an idea for something the GOP can declare a war on — how about a “War on People Looking for Distractions from How Bad Obama Has Been at Being President.” I mean, the dog stuff is fun and all, but let’s not forget about how absolutely terrible Obama is at everything. A lot of people think Obama has a good shot at being reelected, but I really don’t think they’re factoring in the horrible at being president enough into their calculations.
* John Edwards has a 3% approval rating right now. Did he eat a dog too?
Hey do you remember how, despite being an obvious horrible phony to anyone with a lick of sense, he was the Democrats choice for VP in 2004? And then the Daily Kos flocked behind him in 2008 as the real progressive concerned about the poor and suffering? Let us never forget. The left would literally line up behind Hitler if Hitler learned to parrot the right stuff about “women’s health issues” and such.
* Jon Huntsman compared the GOP to the Communist Chinese for some reason, and of course Slate is encouraging him to form a third party.
“Party of one for Mr. Huntsman.”
It is no longer a secret to the animal world. They know the truth: Obama ate a dog.
Now that the animals know, what will they do? Will plagues descend upon this nation? Frogs, lice, flies, locust…?
All because Obama ate a dog.
ELYRIA, OHIO (AP) – At a campaign fundraising event, President Barack Obama accused his Republican rivals of trying to restrict America’s dietary choices instead of promoting the consumption of dog meat to help the middle class. Obama said those Republicans “don’t seem to remember how America was built.”
“History records,” intoned Obama, “that when the Pilgrims landed at Plymouth rock, the friendly, peaceful natives were there to shower them with gifts of Schnauzer steaks and corned Collie. During the toughest hours at Valley Forge, our brave revolutionary soldiers ate the toughest meat – which, of course, is dog – to give them the strength to defeat the weak and crumpet-munching British.”
“Benjamin Franklin himself,” the President reminded his audience, “is famous for coining the aphorism ‘a poodle seared is a poodle burned,’ reminding a young nation that we must remain diligently watchful of our most precious gifts, like liberty and Lhasa Apsos.”
“When Abraham Lincoln built the intercontinental railroad during the middle of the Civil War, what do you think he fed the thousands of Chinese workers? That’s right – cat. But the millions of undocumented Mexicans who helped were definitely chomping Chihuahua.”
In a press release, Republican presidential front-runner Mitt Romney’s campaign derided the president’s statement as “historically ignorant.”
“The President is engaging in the worst sort of liberal revisionism. As our founding documents so eloquently disclaim, ‘no dogs were harmed in the making of these Free and Independent States.'”