It’s no secret that I think Barack Obama is an idiot. And that I think that those that voted for Obama are idiots. But, during certain times of the year, I try to put that kind of stuff aside and do the whole “can’t we all play nice” kind of thing.

For example, Frank usually posts stuff about holidays here. Over at my little blog, I’ve posted proclamations by the current president regarding Thanksgiving (2009) and Veterans Day (2009, 2010).

Why not Veterans Day proclamation post? Simple. The current president didn’t issue any such proclamation this year. Check for yourself. Find one for Thanksgiving, too.

Oh, and find one for Christmas. Not just for this year, but for any of the three Christmases since he occupied the Oval Office. They don’t exist. The last Presidential Proclamation regarding Christmas came from President George W. Bush in 2008.

Now, you will find a proclamation on Hanukkah for this year. But you won’t find one for last year. I suppose after this year’s missteps regarding Israel, he did this, hoping to mend fences. But, Obama being Obama, he screwed it up. Though the proclamation got the dates right, the actual ceremony was 12 days off– and all jacked up.

He did issue a statement on Kwanzaa this year, as well as in 2010 and 2009. Maybe if Kwanzaa was more than 45 years old, he’d issue a proclamation. Till then, made-up holidays got to take what they can get, I suppose.

Anyway, about Obama. There’s no hope for this guy. And, if you are planning on voting for him in 2012, there’s no hope for you. And, if he wins, there’s no hope for any of us.

Do the Republicans have the power to control Obama?

Remember when Obama was planning that 17-day vacation in Hawaii? You know, he needed a break from screwing things up; that can be tiring if you do too much of it.

Well, last week, it was suddenly decided that he’d have to stay in town after all. This, right after GOP presidential hopeful Mitt Romney criticized the president for taking the vacation:

“I just think it’s time to have a president whose idea of being ‘hands on’ doesn’t mean getting a better grip on the golf club,” Romney told potential caucus voters in Iowa.

Then, last week, GOP candidate Rick Perry took aim at Obama by way of religion:

As President, I’ll end Obama’s war on religion. And I’ll fight against liberal attacks on our religious heritage.

What did Obama do this weekend? He went to church. First time since Easter.

Now, maybe he thought it was Christmas. His calendar does seem to be about 12 days off. Or, he reacted to Perry’s attack. Let’s go with the latter, because it fits with his reaction to Romney’s attack.

This means that Republicans can attack Obama about something, and he’ll then react to it.

If we have Gingrich say that the president doesn’t understand what it’s like to have to flip burgers or wash cars, will we see Obama behind the counter at a Hardee’s or working at the car wash?

If Michele Bachmann says the president doesn’t know what it’s like for families to shop for food on a budget, will we see Obama pushing a shopping cart at the Piggly Wiggly?

It’s possible.

So, what can we criticize Obama about and get him to do in response?

Criticize him for not understanding how hard it is to catch a Road Runner. Then, he’ll put on some ACME Rocket-Powered Tennis Shoes and go running through the desert.

Say he doesn’t understand the plight of bucket inspectors. Then, he’ll stick his head in a bucket.

Slam Obama for not understanding how hard things are for Irish Folk Dance performers. Then, he’ll dance a jig.

Bring up that people who ride shopping carts down hills are having a difficult time in this economy. And there’s only one way for him to understand what they’re going through.

Point out how doesn’t relate to 1950s motorcyclists from Milwaukee who visits Hollywood with his friends. Then, he’ll … no, never mind this one. Obama jumped the shark a long time ago.

The president is celebrating Hanukkah.

Not “planning to observe Hanukkah beginning December 20th” but IS. As in now.

None of this silly waiting until the Festival of Lights actually begins, but now. Because, it’s not like days … or the number of days or anything … really matter, right?

And, so as to not drag it all out, the president went ahead and lit all the candles. Because, well, you know, why not. It’s not like you need to light one a day or anything, right? It doesn’t, like, have any special meaning, right?

While the Festival of Lights doesn’t actually begin until December 20th this year, it does begin December 8th next year. So, maybe he’s so far ahead on his schedule to destroy everything that he thought the 2012 apocalypse was already upon us, and used the 2012 date to celebrate Hanukkah.

Or, maybe he thinks so far outside the box — like that book says — that he doesn’t let the calendar dictate when he does things.

Like observing Hanukkah 12 days early. And all at once, not over eight days.

And, looking at the calendar, we need to do Christmas at some more convenient time. This year, it’s on a Sunday. And, everybody knows that Sunday is for sleeping until noon, getting up, ordering a pizza and watching football. Christmas would just interfere with that. The kids will be getting up early, and messing up all that “sleep until noon” thing, which is totally unacceptable.

And, besides, some people go to church on Sunday, and we certainly don’t want religion to interfere with Christmas, do we? So, we can do Christmas on the 16th. It’s a Friday, the mid-month government checks will have arrived the day before so we can stop by the Dollar General and pick up some gifts. It’s perfect.

And New Year’s? It’s a Sunday, too! How did that happen? Both Christmas and New Years on a Sunday? Actually, that’s not bad. Getting all drunk and such the night before means sleeping in on New Year’s Day, so, yeah, that actually works. It needs to be a Sunday every year.

St. Patrick’s Day is a Thursday in 2012. That won’t fly. Need to move it to a weekend. The celebration in New York is big, of course, but New York can handle a million people partying with no problem. But, if you decide you want to party but not go to New York, the 2nd largest celebration, in Savannah, nearly triples that city’s population for the day. So, yeah, a weekend would help with that. I’m thinking March 12th would be good.

Easter and Mother’s Day are too close together in 2012, so let’s do Easter on April 1st. That way, when the kids go out to hunt for Easter Eggs, and they don’t find any because we didn’t hide any, we can yell “April Fools!”

July 4th? No, let’s move Independence Day to May 31st. We’re already doing stuff on Memorial Day, which is May 30th. So, celebrating Independence Day on the 31st makes it a two-day party.

Let’s do Labor Day up right. Find out when the NFL season starts and we can do Labor Day that Monday.

Anyway, you get the idea? Like Obama, we don’t need to be bound by a silly calendar. We’re beyond that.

The president is going on vacation.

Liberals must be glad to hear that. Destroying a country is hard work, and he needs to recharge.

I’m glad to hear it, because that means he won’t be actively destroying the country.

It’s nice when conservatives and liberals can come together to support the president when he does something.

But I’m thinking that 17 days isn’t enough time to let the country recover. Obama needs to go somewhere else when this upcoming vacation ends.

I’m thinking he could take a tour of all the golf courses in the country and leave regular folks alone.

Or, he could start a traveling basketball tour, like the Harlem Globetrotters.

Or, he could travel the country giving speaking tours. There are still people who want to hear him talk. But, to make it entertaining, don’t let him take his TelePrompTer. I might want to watch that. Or clips of it.

The point is, there are things Obama can do other than play president, since he does that so badly.

What ideas have you for what Obama can do for the next 413 days?

Did you miss the sale? Obama was on sale yesterday.

Why?

There are several possible reasons. One is: Barack Obama is racist.

After all, it was on Black Friday that they put a black man on sale. That’s gotta be racist, right?

There’s another reason: It’s a going-out-of-business sale.

That’s the one I’m banking on.

So, don’t worry. If you missed getting a discount on Barack Obama merchandise, you’ll get another chance. Come November, they’ll start marking down stuff to ridiculously low prices. Because, by January 20, 2013, everything must go.

Have you seen Obama’s new proposal? Remember that bill he wanted Congress to pass that night he gave the speech. It seems they finally got around to writing it. It calls for “$1.5 trillion in new tax revenue” plus another $1.5 trillion in spending cuts over 10 years.

What cuts?

Well, it cuts $250 billion from Medicare over 10 years. How much did Paul Ryan’s plan — the one where the Democrats showed grandma being thrown off a cliff — cut in the next 10 years? Zero. I guess Obama doesn’t want to wait until 2022 to toss grandma off a cliff. He threw his under the bus, so why not toss yours over a cliff, right?

Oh, yes, there are other savings, too. $330 billion from cuts to Medicaid and farm subsidies, according to the reports.

So, that’s 1/2 trillion dollars. Where does the other $1 trillion come from? The military. Specifically, it would be from money not spent on troops in Iraq and Afghanistan.

So, does that mean that if Congress doesn’t pass the bill, he’s going to leave the troops over there? Is Obama kidnapping our military and holding them for ransom?

Because if the troops were coming home anyway, the money saved from bringing them back wouldn’t count as part of the proposal, right?

Here’s how his math works.

Raise taxes $1.5 trillion. Cut Medicare, Medicaid, and farm subsidies a third of that. That equals $3 trillion in savings.

Yeah, I can’t get the numbers to add up either. Or figure out how raising taxes is savings.

Must be another example of where reality is to be ignored in order to follow Dear Leader’s plan. There seems to be a lot of that.

According to AFP (Agence France-Presse, which is French or something for The Daily Planet, I think), Obama’s approval rating is at 75%.

In Europe.

… he remains highly popular in Europe, with 75 percent in 12 EU nations approving his handling of global affairs, a poll said Wednesday.

He is also much better liked than his predecessor George W. Bush, whose rating in Europe was just 20 percent in 2008, said the Transatlantic Trends poll by the German Marshall Fund.

Here’s what I think: if Europe like Barack Obama so much, they can have him.

But, we really should get something for him. I mean, he did kind of screw things up really bad here, so anything we can get would help offset the damage.

In baseball or pro football, trades happen all the time. In baseball, you hear about one player traded for another, or for a couple of minor leaguers. In pro football, some running back for a couple of draft choices happen from time to time. So why not in the oldest sport and second-oldest profession, politics?

Let’s trade Obama to Europe. But who should we get in return?

I’m thinking Nicolas Sarkozy would be an improvement. With that trade, we’d get a hot First Lady, too!

Heck, the desiccated corpse of Charles de Gaulle would be an improvement over Obama.

How about the Queen of England? Sure, all she does is ride around waving funny at people, but right now, that sounds pretty good.

Or the Pope. He doesn’t hate the Jews nearly as much as Obama does.

Maybe we could get Roman Polanski. Of course, he’d go straight to jail, but then we’d have a child rapist in jail and Obama in Europe. Win-win.

Or, perhaps instead of somebody from Europe, we could get a landmark or something. Like Stonehenge. Or the Rock of Gibraltar. Or Notre Dame de Paris. Or a pair of wooden shoes from the Netherlands. Any of these things would be an improvement over Obama.

So, what do you think? What would you like to get from Europe in exchange for Obama?

The Ministry of Truth Obama Administration has launched AttackWatch.com which will let you report people saying mean things about Big Brother the president.

[Direct link]

You can help. Go to AttackWatch.com and file a report.

Or, if you want, you can list things here. I’ll start.

• I saw on the news that unemployment is up. I want to report the news.
• I was going to report the Communist Party, but they support Obama’s tax hikes. So never mind about them.
• There was a dog in the neighborhood that was barking. It sounded like a mean bark. So he had to be a Teabaggerz dog. I want to report him.
• I started a movie on Netflix the other night when the president was on TV speaking, and the movie played instead of showing Obama. I want to report Netflix.

I’m sure there are plenty of other things you’ve seen that should be reported.

As Doug Urbanski said, “Obama sounded like a blustering, tinpot dictator. He should give his next speech from a third-story balcony overlooking a large plaza. He could strap a military pistol on his hip and slap a few fake medals on his chest. Maybe Gaddafi has a crazy hat he can borrow.”

IMAO Reader Metryq took up my challenge to try bringing this image to life:

[reference link]

And thus I award Metryq…

High Praise!

Anyone else seeking High Praise!, please send your Tinpot Obama pic to harvolson@gmail.com.

Hey, did you hear the news? Obama has a jobs plan! And he’s going to actually appear on the TV set to tell us all about it?

Oh, you already heard? Then, you’re as excited as I am about it, aren’t you? Yeah, I thought so.

*Yawn*

Here’s the thing, though. Have you noticed what’s been happening to Obama as he tries to schedule things?

First, Obama absolutely has to tell us all about this awesome plan he has. But not today. Next week. When the Republicans are scheduled to debate. On NBC.

(By the way, don’t NBC and Obama talk any more? Maybe when Obama gets up in the morning, he doesn’t wake NBC. Then, he’s off to the golf course before NBC even gets out of bed.)

Anyway, Obama wanted to give this oh-so-important speech on Wednesday, September 7, the same night as the GOP debate. Then Claire Shipman’s husband came out and said, “The Republicans can move their debate. It’ll be okay with us.”

And NBC was, like, “awkward!” Then John Boehner (he’s the Speaker of the House or something) was all, like, “No, I’m doing my hair that night, so do it another night.”

So then Obama said he’d do it the next night. But then someone realized that the NFL was playing that night. (On a Thursday night? I thought that was reserved for 2nd-tier college football teams.)

Then Obama was all, “Oh, football? I forgot about that. We didn’t have that in Kenya when I was a boy.”

So, now, it’s still Thursday night, but at 7:00 PM.

Which means that the east coast gets to hear Obama speak, but the left coast will be at work (those that work, anyway) and not able to hear him.

What does all this mean?

It means that we’ve now discovered we can treat Obama like the pretty girls treat the nice-but-don’t-want-to-date-him guy from school.

Make an excuse for a date, and he’ll merrily go along.

“Hey, America? I was wondering if maybe you’d like to go out for a hamburger after study?”

“Oh, Barack, that’s so sweet of you to ask. But I’m doing my hair. Some other time, huh?”

“Okay then, America. How about the next night? We could head over to the Bijou and catch that new movie I heard you talking about?”

“Oh, Barack, that’s so sweet of you to ask. But I’m getting new wallpaper for my room, and I need to make sure everything is just right. You understand?”

“Sure I do, America. What about an early dinner then. Something quick, maybe?”

“Oh, Barack, that’s so sweet of you to ask. But I’ve got cheerleader practice, and just won’t have the time.”

You see? We could do that. We just need to line up excuses. Then, when Obama wants to do something, like give a speech or raise our taxes or push some gargantuan health care bill down out throat, we can offer up an excuse and he’ll put it off till some later time. We keep that up until January, 2013, and the problem takes care of itself.

Now, we just need some excuses.

Any ideas?