For example, Frank usually posts stuff about holidays here. Over at my little blog, I’ve posted proclamations by the current president regarding Thanksgiving (2009) and Veterans Day (2009, 2010).

Why not Veterans Day proclamation post? Simple. The current president didn’t issue any such proclamation this year. Check for yourself. Find one for Thanksgiving, too.

Oh, and find one for Christmas. Not just for this year, but for any of the three Christmases since he occupied the Oval Office. They don’t exist. The last Presidential Proclamation regarding Christmas came from President George W. Bush in 2008.

Now, you will find a proclamation on Hanukkah for this year. But you won’t find one for last year. I suppose after this year’s missteps regarding Israel, he did this, hoping to mend fences. But, Obama being Obama, he screwed it up. Though the proclamation got the dates right, the actual ceremony was 12 days off– and all jacked up.

He did issue a statement on Kwanzaa this year, as well as in 2010 and 2009. Maybe if Kwanzaa was more than 45 years old, he’d issue a proclamation. Till then, made-up holidays got to take what they can get, I suppose.

Anyway, about Obama. There’s no hope for this guy. And, if you are planning on voting for him in 2012, there’s no hope for you. And, if he wins, there’s no hope for any of us.

Remember when Obama was planning that 17-day vacation in Hawaii? You know, he needed a break from screwing things up; that can be tiring if you do too much of it.

Well, last week, it was suddenly decided that he’d have to stay in town after all. This, right after GOP presidential hopeful Mitt Romney criticized the president for taking the vacation:

“I just think it’s time to have a president whose idea of being ‘hands on’ doesn’t mean getting a better grip on the golf club,” Romney told potential caucus voters in Iowa.

Then, last week, GOP candidate Rick Perry took aim at Obama by way of religion:

As President, I’ll end Obama’s war on religion. And I’ll fight against liberal attacks on our religious heritage.

What did Obama do this weekend? He went to church. First time since Easter.

Now, maybe he thought it was Christmas. His calendar does seem to be about 12 days off. Or, he reacted to Perry’s attack. Let’s go with the latter, because it fits with his reaction to Romney’s attack.

This means that Republicans can attack Obama about something, and he’ll then react to it.

If we have Gingrich say that the president doesn’t understand what it’s like to have to flip burgers or wash cars, will we see Obama behind the counter at a Hardee’s or working at the car wash?

If Michele Bachmann says the president doesn’t know what it’s like for families to shop for food on a budget, will we see Obama pushing a shopping cart at the Piggly Wiggly?

It’s possible.

So, what can we criticize Obama about and get him to do in response?

Criticize him for not understanding how hard it is to catch a Road Runner. Then, he’ll put on some ACME Rocket-Powered Tennis Shoes and go running through the desert.

Say he doesn’t understand the plight of bucket inspectors. Then, he’ll stick his head in a bucket.

Slam Obama for not understanding how hard things are for Irish Folk Dance performers. Then, he’ll dance a jig.

Bring up that people who ride shopping carts down hills are having a difficult time in this economy. And there’s only one way for him to understand what they’re going through.

Point out how doesn’t relate to 1950s motorcyclists from Milwaukee who visits Hollywood with his friends. Then, he’ll … no, never mind this one. Obama jumped the shark a long time ago.

The president is celebrating Hanukkah.

Not “planning to observe Hanukkah beginning December 20th” but IS. As in now.

None of this silly waiting until the Festival of Lights actually begins, but now. Because, it’s not like days … or the number of days or anything … really matter, right?

And, so as to not drag it all out, the president went ahead and lit all the candles. Because, well, you know, why not. It’s not like you need to light one a day or anything, right? It doesn’t, like, have any special meaning, right?

While the Festival of Lights doesn’t actually begin until December 20th this year, it does begin December 8th next year. So, maybe he’s so far ahead on his schedule to destroy everything that he thought the 2012 apocalypse was already upon us, and used the 2012 date to celebrate Hanukkah.

Or, maybe he thinks so far outside the box — like that book says — that he doesn’t let the calendar dictate when he does things.

Like observing Hanukkah 12 days early. And all at once, not over eight days.

And, looking at the calendar, we need to do Christmas at some more convenient time. This year, it’s on a Sunday. And, everybody knows that Sunday is for sleeping until noon, getting up, ordering a pizza and watching football. Christmas would just interfere with that. The kids will be getting up early, and messing up all that “sleep until noon” thing, which is totally unacceptable.

And, besides, some people go to church on Sunday, and we certainly don’t want religion to interfere with Christmas, do we? So, we can do Christmas on the 16th. It’s a Friday, the mid-month government checks will have arrived the day before so we can stop by the Dollar General and pick up some gifts. It’s perfect.

And New Year’s? It’s a Sunday, too! How did that happen? Both Christmas and New Years on a Sunday? Actually, that’s not bad. Getting all drunk and such the night before means sleeping in on New Year’s Day, so, yeah, that actually works. It needs to be a Sunday every year.

St. Patrick’s Day is a Thursday in 2012. That won’t fly. Need to move it to a weekend. The celebration in New York is big, of course, but New York can handle a million people partying with no problem. But, if you decide you want to party but not go to New York, the 2nd largest celebration, in Savannah, nearly triples that city’s population for the day. So, yeah, a weekend would help with that. I’m thinking March 12th would be good.

Easter and Mother’s Day are too close together in 2012, so let’s do Easter on April 1st. That way, when the kids go out to hunt for Easter Eggs, and they don’t find any because we didn’t hide any, we can yell “April Fools!”

July 4th? No, let’s move Independence Day to May 31st. We’re already doing stuff on Memorial Day, which is May 30th. So, celebrating Independence Day on the 31st makes it a two-day party.

Let’s do Labor Day up right. Find out when the NFL season starts and we can do Labor Day that Monday.

Anyway, you get the idea? Like Obama, we don’t need to be bound by a silly calendar. We’re beyond that.

Liberals must be glad to hear that. Destroying a country is hard work, and he needs to recharge.

I’m glad to hear it, because that means he won’t be actively destroying the country.

It’s nice when conservatives and liberals can come together to support the president when he does something.

But I’m thinking that 17 days isn’t enough time to let the country recover. Obama needs to go somewhere else when this upcoming vacation ends.

I’m thinking he could take a tour of all the golf courses in the country and leave regular folks alone.

Or, he could start a traveling basketball tour, like the Harlem Globetrotters.

Or, he could travel the country giving speaking tours. There are still people who want to hear him talk. But, to make it entertaining, don’t let him take his TelePrompTer. I might want to watch that. Or clips of it.

The point is, there are things Obama can do other than play president, since he does that so badly.

What ideas have you for what Obama can do for the next 413 days?

Why?

There are several possible reasons. One is: Barack Obama is racist.

After all, it was on Black Friday that they put a black man on sale. That’s gotta be racist, right?

There’s another reason: It’s a going-out-of-business sale.

That’s the one I’m banking on.

So, don’t worry. If you missed getting a discount on Barack Obama merchandise, you’ll get another chance. Come November, they’ll start marking down stuff to ridiculously low prices. Because, by January 20, 2013, everything must go.

Have you seen Obama’s new proposal? Remember that bill he wanted Congress to pass that night he gave the speech. It seems they finally got around to writing it. It calls for “$1.5 trillion in new tax revenue” plus another $1.5 trillion in spending cuts over 10 years.

What cuts?

Well, it cuts $250 billion from Medicare over 10 years. How much did Paul Ryan’s plan — the one where the Democrats showed grandma being thrown off a cliff — cut in the next 10 years? Zero. I guess Obama doesn’t want to wait until 2022 to toss grandma off a cliff. He threw his under the bus, so why not toss yours over a cliff, right?

Oh, yes, there are other savings, too. $330 billion from cuts to Medicaid and farm subsidies, according to the reports.

So, that’s 1/2 trillion dollars. Where does the other $1 trillion come from? The military. Specifically, it would be from money not spent on troops in Iraq and Afghanistan.

So, does that mean that if Congress doesn’t pass the bill, he’s going to leave the troops over there? Is Obama kidnapping our military and holding them for ransom?

Because if the troops were coming home anyway, the money saved from bringing them back wouldn’t count as part of the proposal, right?

Here’s how his math works.

Raise taxes $1.5 trillion. Cut Medicare, Medicaid, and farm subsidies a third of that. That equals $3 trillion in savings.

Yeah, I can’t get the numbers to add up either. Or figure out how raising taxes is savings.

Must be another example of where reality is to be ignored in order to follow Dear Leader’s plan. There seems to be a lot of that.

According to AFP (Agence France-Presse, which is French or something for The Daily Planet, I think), Obama’s approval rating is at 75%.

In Europe.

… he remains highly popular in Europe, with 75 percent in 12 EU nations approving his handling of global affairs, a poll said Wednesday.

He is also much better liked than his predecessor George W. Bush, whose rating in Europe was just 20 percent in 2008, said the Transatlantic Trends poll by the German Marshall Fund.

Here’s what I think: if Europe like Barack Obama so much, they can have him.

But, we really should get something for him. I mean, he did kind of screw things up really bad here, so anything we can get would help offset the damage.

In baseball or pro football, trades happen all the time. In baseball, you hear about one player traded for another, or for a couple of minor leaguers. In pro football, some running back for a couple of draft choices happen from time to time. So why not in the oldest sport and second-oldest profession, politics?

Let’s trade Obama to Europe. But who should we get in return?

I’m thinking Nicolas Sarkozy would be an improvement. With that trade, we’d get a hot First Lady, too!

Heck, the desiccated corpse of Charles de Gaulle would be an improvement over Obama.

How about the Queen of England? Sure, all she does is ride around waving funny at people, but right now, that sounds pretty good.

Or the Pope. He doesn’t hate the Jews nearly as much as Obama does.

Maybe we could get Roman Polanski. Of course, he’d go straight to jail, but then we’d have a child rapist in jail and Obama in Europe. Win-win.

Or, perhaps instead of somebody from Europe, we could get a landmark or something. Like Stonehenge. Or the Rock of Gibraltar. Or Notre Dame de Paris. Or a pair of wooden shoes from the Netherlands. Any of these things would be an improvement over Obama.

So, what do you think? What would you like to get from Europe in exchange for Obama?

[Direct link]

You can help. Go to AttackWatch.com and file a report.

Or, if you want, you can list things here. I’ll start.

• I saw on the news that unemployment is up. I want to report the news.
• I was going to report the Communist Party, but they support Obama’s tax hikes. So never mind about them.
• There was a dog in the neighborhood that was barking. It sounded like a mean bark. So he had to be a Teabaggerz dog. I want to report him.
• I started a movie on Netflix the other night when the president was on TV speaking, and the movie played instead of showing Obama. I want to report Netflix.

I’m sure there are plenty of other things you’ve seen that should be reported.

IMAO Reader Metryq took up my challenge to try bringing this image to life:

[reference link]

And thus I award Metryq…

High Praise!

Anyone else seeking High Praise!, please send your Tinpot Obama pic to harvolson@gmail.com.

Oh, you already heard? Then, you’re as excited as I am about it, aren’t you? Yeah, I thought so.

*Yawn*

Here’s the thing, though. Have you noticed what’s been happening to Obama as he tries to schedule things?

First, Obama absolutely has to tell us all about this awesome plan he has. But not today. Next week. When the Republicans are scheduled to debate. On NBC.

(By the way, don’t NBC and Obama talk any more? Maybe when Obama gets up in the morning, he doesn’t wake NBC. Then, he’s off to the golf course before NBC even gets out of bed.)

Anyway, Obama wanted to give this oh-so-important speech on Wednesday, September 7, the same night as the GOP debate. Then Claire Shipman’s husband came out and said, “The Republicans can move their debate. It’ll be okay with us.”

And NBC was, like, “awkward!” Then John Boehner (he’s the Speaker of the House or something) was all, like, “No, I’m doing my hair that night, so do it another night.”

So then Obama said he’d do it the next night. But then someone realized that the NFL was playing that night. (On a Thursday night? I thought that was reserved for 2nd-tier college football teams.)

Then Obama was all, “Oh, football? I forgot about that. We didn’t have that in Kenya when I was a boy.”

So, now, it’s still Thursday night, but at 7:00 PM.

Which means that the east coast gets to hear Obama speak, but the left coast will be at work (those that work, anyway) and not able to hear him.

What does all this mean?

It means that we’ve now discovered we can treat Obama like the pretty girls treat the nice-but-don’t-want-to-date-him guy from school.

Make an excuse for a date, and he’ll merrily go along.

“Hey, America? I was wondering if maybe you’d like to go out for a hamburger after study?”

“Oh, Barack, that’s so sweet of you to ask. But I’m doing my hair. Some other time, huh?”

“Okay then, America. How about the next night? We could head over to the Bijou and catch that new movie I heard you talking about?”

“Oh, Barack, that’s so sweet of you to ask. But I’m getting new wallpaper for my room, and I need to make sure everything is just right. You understand?”

“Sure I do, America. What about an early dinner then. Something quick, maybe?”

“Oh, Barack, that’s so sweet of you to ask. But I’ve got cheerleader practice, and just won’t have the time.”

You see? We could do that. We just need to line up excuses. Then, when Obama wants to do something, like give a speech or raise our taxes or push some gargantuan health care bill down out throat, we can offer up an excuse and he’ll put it off till some later time. We keep that up until January, 2013, and the problem takes care of itself.

Now, we just need some excuses.

Any ideas?

Seriously, who frowns like this?

Better question: who’s got their hand up the Presidential backside controlling this puppet?

[Obama pic courtesy of IMAO reader Laurie]

Normally, a toast of “To Her Majesty, the Queen” would be sufficient. But not to the World’s Smartest Human™. Oh, no. He-Who-Shall-Not-Shut-The-Hell-Up kept on rambling, over the national anthem.

[Direct link]

How many ways can a man embarrass himself, and, by extension due to his position, an entire country?

I propose a toast: To November 6, 2012.

Not everyone is convinced it’s real. But the evidence indicates that the birth certificate is real.

Decide for yourself.

First, here’s the birth certificate

Now, let’s look at the items that some are still questioning.

The background

Notice that the pattern background continues straight, while the paper itself curves down into the binding of the book in which it is contained.

There is a simple reason for this: The background actually curves up on the real document. This was a common practice in Hawaii in 1961. Hawaii had only been a state for a short period of time. Remember, the United States only got Hawaii after Franklin Roosevelt stole it from Japan to start World War II. Within 25 years after the end of that war, Hawaii was made the 57th state.

People knew that children born during those first few years wouldn’t even become eligible to be president until 1995. And that anyone born during those first few years would come under intense scrutiny. So, in order to assist those future examiners of documents, it was decided to make the background on documents curve up, in order to offset the natural downward curve that appeared when a bound document was photographed.

How did they accomplish this? Remember, we stole Hawaii from the Japanese. And Hawaii was Japan’s leading technology testing ground. The Japanese developed upward-curving background images in labs.

Other Japanese technology we uncovered in Hawaii would be used to fake the moon landings from 1969-1972.

The score: Real 1, Fake 0

Race of the father

Notice that the race of Barack Hussein Obama, the father listed on the birth certificate, is listed as “African.”

Some might wonder why “African” was used rather than “Negro,” “Black,” or even “Colored,” as was often the case in many states at the time.

The reason is simple: In order for the child to be considered an African-American in later years, the father would have to be listed as “African.”

It is true that the mother is listed as “Caucasian,” rather than “American,” but that was a common practice of those unenlightened times.

One other note: if the document was a forgery, the forgers would have made the mistake of listing the father as “African-American.” Instead, the “-American” was omitted, proving that it’s not a forgery.

The score: Real 2, Fake 0

Registrar’s signature

Some aren’t certain that the registrar’s signature is real.

It’s easy to see that it is, if you just look at it. It says “Ukulele,” which, as everyone knows, is of Hawaiian origin.

If the document was a forgery, the signature would have said “Banjo” or “Guitar” or even “Orutu” or “Nyatiti.” But it doesn’t. It says “Ukulele,” which is of obvious Hawaiian origin.

The score: Real 3, Fake 0

The clincher

There is one other piece of evidence that, even if all of those so far mentioned are explained away, will clinch it.

At the bottom of the form, in block 23, the question reads: Is this document a forgery?

The “No” checkbox is clearly marked.

The most convincing evidence is in the document itself. There is no need for outside resources being used to check and compare signatures, dates, or anything else. It’s clearly marked that the document is not a forgery.

What more proof do you need?

The final score: Real 1-gazillion, Fake 0

Going forward

It is clear from the evidence that Barack J. Obama was born in Hawaii. This should put all that birther nonsense to rest.

Now maybe the president can go about doing the important things he needs to do.

Like play golf and appear on Oprah.

Obama’s solution: invest billions to develop solar-powered hamburgers.

With this caption:

“Now you know why — No birth certificate.”

Let’s be honest.

George W. Bush has short hair and big sticky-out ears – he looks like a chimp

Obama has short hair and big sticky-out ears – he also looks like a chimp.

Michelle Obama does NOT have short hair and big sticky-out ears – she does, however look like Lursa.

Exit question: how come I had to paw through half of Google to find this picture, even though dozens of sites are mentioning it, yet the liberal media had no problem slapping me upside the head with Abu Ghraib photos every day for a month?

[Obama] is just a useless idiot who is doing the opposite of inspiring us — I guess outspiring us.

Thus, this:

Semi-off-topic: Does anyone have the URL of a decent Obama Poster Generator site? Because the one at the top of the Google search blows steamy chunks of public school hot lunch.

[Direct link]

Yes, that first one was actually a door, not a window.

As you can see, he’s finally learned how to use a door knob, because he managed to open the second door.

Which means the first of the two doors was locked.

Which means the second of the two doors wasn’t locked.

Somebody didn’t do his job right. Because that somebody left one of the doors unlocked. And now, Obama is back in the White House.

A perfectly good opportunity arose to keep him out, and someone dropped the ball. The country could have been saved by someone simply locking another door. Now, we’re back to going to hell in a handbasket.

I’m not normally one for conspiracy theories, but I think Obama may be a Sith Lord.

“Listen, Abraham Lincoln helped to build the interstate… intercontinental railroad in the middle of the Civil War”.

Jump to 56 seconds before the end (timer counts down):

[IrishCentral direct link]

1) The TRANSCONTINENTAL railroad was completed in 1869, 4 years after both the War and Lincoln ended

2) It was done by private companies. To haul freight. For profit.

6 second audio clip here:

Ya know, I thought it odd that TMJ4, who did the interview, deliberately chose not to make the video embeddable. Guess they were afraid Obama’s idiocy would go viral.

Welcome to the internet, TMJ4.

UPDATE: Oh God… it’s not even the first time he’s said it.

UPDATE 2: And at a commencement address at University of Michigan in May of 2010…

Now he wants to spend $53 billion on high speed trains so people can travel instead of video conferencing.

Funny… for that pile of loot, you could buy every working adult in America a computer, a webcam, and internet access.

Make up your mind, Mr. President.

Because this thing:

Looks a heck of a lot like Klingon battle armor.

Which does nothing to help her with the Lursa issue:

Mike! It’s Barack…

Barack. Barack Obama. The president. Of the United States. Of America.

Yeah! Hi! How’s it going?

Getting ready for the what? Playoffs? What’s that?

Really? Huh. Never heard of it.

Anyhoo… I just wanted to call and thank you for the advice. Yeah, it’s working. Poll numbers are up.

No, not much. But it’s a start. You know how that is.

Yeah, I’m doing the whole makeover thing.

Yeah, I’m doing the whole package. I mean it worked for you. You’ve got that whole “play offs” thing going. That’s a good thing, right?

Yeah, well, again, I just wanted to say thanks.

Someone’s coming. I gotta run. Okay, bye.

Barack! Where’s Bo?

Anyway, he asked Adam and Jamie to retest a myth:

[Direct link]

Adam and Jamie tested the myth … for the third time … and, once again, busted it. But, you know, that myth was perfect for Obama:

• It’s from Europe.
• It had been tried before, more than once, and shown to fail.
• It was paired with Hellboy.
• It involved smoke and mirrors.

I wonder if there are any other myths that would make sense for Obama to want Adam and Jamie to test?

It’s almost like Obama can’t make people act nice by asking them. Didn’t the whole world listen to the 2008 campaign? Obama can stop the oceans from rising; he should be able to stop Iran from developing nukes and Julian Assange from releasing documents that are harmful to the U.S. interestes.

Unless, of course, Obama isn’t really interested in American interests. But that’s silly. I mean, it’s not like he grew up in another country. It’s not like Obama is interested in a post-America world. It’s not like he’s bowing to foreign leaders.

No, there’s no evidence whatsoever that Obama is secretly cool with the WikiLeaks releases. And, despite Obama being the most awesome thing since man descended from the trees and discovered TiVo, Assange went ahead and released the documents.

Now that the impossible has happened, what can Obama do about it?

• Blame George Bush
• Go golfing
• Play basketball
• Send Joe Biden to talk to Julian Assange
• Increase pat-downs at airports
• Go on vacation
• Extend the healthcare law
• Send SEIU personnel to “talk” to Julian Assange
• Go golfing
• Let tax cuts expire
• Email Assange a Microsoft Windows virus
• Release the GTMO detainees
• Go golfing
• Give an speech, using a woman who will lose her job in six months as a prop

Perhaps there are other things Obama can do to temper the damage of these leaks and prevent future leaks. Ideas? Anyone?

Kind of ironic since what Obama’s been doing to small business is more like “Deliverance“.