Seriously, who frowns like this?

Better question: who’s got their hand up the Presidential backside controlling this puppet?

[Obama pic courtesy of IMAO reader Laurie]

Did you see Chalaque Obama screw up a toast?

Normally, a toast of “To Her Majesty, the Queen” would be sufficient. But not to the World’s Smartest Human™. Oh, no. He-Who-Shall-Not-Shut-The-Hell-Up kept on rambling, over the national anthem.

[Direct link]

How many ways can a man embarrass himself, and, by extension due to his position, an entire country?

I propose a toast: To November 6, 2012.

Now that Barack Obama has finally released his birth certificate, you would think that people would get back to more important things. But you’d be wrong.

Not everyone is convinced it’s real. But the evidence indicates that the birth certificate is real.

Decide for yourself.

First, here’s the birth certificate

Now, let’s look at the items that some are still questioning.

The background

Notice that the pattern background continues straight, while the paper itself curves down into the binding of the book in which it is contained.

There is a simple reason for this: The background actually curves up on the real document. This was a common practice in Hawaii in 1961. Hawaii had only been a state for a short period of time. Remember, the United States only got Hawaii after Franklin Roosevelt stole it from Japan to start World War II. Within 25 years after the end of that war, Hawaii was made the 57th state.

People knew that children born during those first few years wouldn’t even become eligible to be president until 1995. And that anyone born during those first few years would come under intense scrutiny. So, in order to assist those future examiners of documents, it was decided to make the background on documents curve up, in order to offset the natural downward curve that appeared when a bound document was photographed.

How did they accomplish this? Remember, we stole Hawaii from the Japanese. And Hawaii was Japan’s leading technology testing ground. The Japanese developed upward-curving background images in labs.

Other Japanese technology we uncovered in Hawaii would be used to fake the moon landings from 1969-1972.

The score: Real 1, Fake 0

Race of the father

Notice that the race of Barack Hussein Obama, the father listed on the birth certificate, is listed as “African.”

Some might wonder why “African” was used rather than “Negro,” “Black,” or even “Colored,” as was often the case in many states at the time.

The reason is simple: In order for the child to be considered an African-American in later years, the father would have to be listed as “African.”

It is true that the mother is listed as “Caucasian,” rather than “American,” but that was a common practice of those unenlightened times.

One other note: if the document was a forgery, the forgers would have made the mistake of listing the father as “African-American.” Instead, the “-American” was omitted, proving that it’s not a forgery.

The score: Real 2, Fake 0

Registrar’s signature

Some aren’t certain that the registrar’s signature is real.

It’s easy to see that it is, if you just look at it. It says “Ukulele,” which, as everyone knows, is of Hawaiian origin.

If the document was a forgery, the signature would have said “Banjo” or “Guitar” or even “Orutu” or “Nyatiti.” But it doesn’t. It says “Ukulele,” which is of obvious Hawaiian origin.

The score: Real 3, Fake 0

The clincher

There is one other piece of evidence that, even if all of those so far mentioned are explained away, will clinch it.

At the bottom of the form, in block 23, the question reads: Is this document a forgery?

The “No” checkbox is clearly marked.

The most convincing evidence is in the document itself. There is no need for outside resources being used to check and compare signatures, dates, or anything else. It’s clearly marked that the document is not a forgery.

What more proof do you need?

The final score: Real 1-gazillion, Fake 0

Going forward

It is clear from the evidence that Barack J. Obama was born in Hawaii. This should put all that birther nonsense to rest.

Now maybe the president can go about doing the important things he needs to do.

Like play golf and appear on Oprah.

McDonald’s said that, due to rising food costs, it will start raising prices in its restaurants this year.

Obama’s solution: invest billions to develop solar-powered hamburgers.

This picture:

With this caption:

“Now you know why — No birth certificate.”

Let’s be honest.

George W. Bush has short hair and big sticky-out ears – he looks like a chimp

Obama has short hair and big sticky-out ears – he also looks like a chimp.

Michelle Obama does NOT have short hair and big sticky-out ears – she does, however look like Lursa.

Exit question: how come I had to paw through half of Google to find this picture, even though dozens of sites are mentioning it, yet the liberal media had no problem slapping me upside the head with Abu Ghraib photos every day for a month?

From this post:

[Obama] is just a useless idiot who is doing the opposite of inspiring us — I guess outspiring us.

Thus, this:

Semi-off-topic: Does anyone have the URL of a decent Obama Poster Generator site? Because the one at the top of the Google search blows steamy chunks of public school hot lunch.

Turns out that the president might not be to blame for his latest inability to open a door. Did you see his latest inability to open a door?

[Direct link]

Yes, that first one was actually a door, not a window.

As you can see, he’s finally learned how to use a door knob, because he managed to open the second door.

Which means the first of the two doors was locked.

Which means the second of the two doors wasn’t locked.

Somebody didn’t do his job right. Because that somebody left one of the doors unlocked. And now, Obama is back in the White House.

A perfectly good opportunity arose to keep him out, and someone dropped the ball. The country could have been saved by someone simply locking another door. Now, we’re back to going to hell in a handbasket.

I’m not normally one for conspiracy theories, but I think Obama may be a Sith Lord.

Yes, it’s Lincoln’s Intercontinental Railroad:

“Listen, Abraham Lincoln helped to build the interstate… intercontinental railroad in the middle of the Civil War”.

Jump to 56 seconds before the end (timer counts down):

[IrishCentral direct link]

1) The TRANSCONTINENTAL railroad was completed in 1869, 4 years after both the War and Lincoln ended

2) It was done by private companies. To haul freight. For profit.

6 second audio clip here:

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Ya know, I thought it odd that TMJ4, who did the interview, deliberately chose not to make the video embeddable. Guess they were afraid Obama’s idiocy would go viral.

Welcome to the internet, TMJ4.

UPDATE: Oh God… it’s not even the first time he’s said it.

UPDATE 2: And at a commencement address at University of Michigan in May of 2010…

Back in 2009, President Obama bragged about shaving a piddly $100 million from the federal budget by encouraging people to save money on travel expenditures by video conferencing.

Now he wants to spend $53 billion on high speed trains so people can travel instead of video conferencing.

Funny… for that pile of loot, you could buy every working adult in America a computer, a webcam, and internet access.

Make up your mind, Mr. President.