Back by Popular Demand – Fluffy!

A company in Texas will now clone your pet cat or dog for $50,000.

Too bad Hillary didn’t get elected. Your mandatory pet insurance would cover it.

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They Define “Full Service” Differently in Seattle

Amazon is on the verge of opening an experimental convenience store in downtown Seattle that lest you walk in, pick up items, and then pay for them without ever standing in line at a cashier.

Yes, but will the store have picture windows for SJW rioters to throw trashcans through?

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I Have the Same Problem Taking Him Seriously As I Did Sonny Bono and Fred Grandy

In an op-ed piece, Democrat Senator Al Franken called for government censorship over Google, Facebook, and Twitter.

Excellent idea. First thing to ban: all SNL clips from 1975-1980 and 1985-1995

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It Won’t Be a Walk in the Park for the Witnesses

Researchers have developed a “memory prosthesis” brain implant that can enhance human memory.

Hope they have plenty handy when it comes time for people to testify at Hillary’s indictment.

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The Hero Venezuela Deserves

Oops! Venezuela’s government just defaulted on its debt, pushing the country further toward bankruptcy, starvation, and ruin.

If only they’d put Bernie in charge. HIS socialism would work.

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So Empowering

Mattel will start selling its first hijab-wearing Barbie doll to appeal to Muslims.

Next up: a Ken doll with a bloody knife and removable head.

[Related: Stilton’s Place reminds us of why this is a REALLY bad idea]

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Also, Having Watched Testimony of Hillary Clinton Saying “I Don’t Recall”

Researchers say that within 15 years you’ll be able to implant chips in your brain to give you new memories.

The most popular item? The memory of having watched “Total Recall“.

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I’m Betting the Other 20% Were Tipped Off About the Inspections by Russian Hackers

In recent undercover tests of multiple airport security checkpoints by the Department of Homeland Security, the TSA failed 80% of the time.

Remember this when Democrats say the government should be in charge of who diagnoses your cancer.

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Choice – As Long As It Serves the Agenda

The Church of England has stated kids should be allowed to choose their own gender.

Weirdly, still opposed to kids choosing milk & cookies instead of bread and wine.

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The One Song Democrats Love Most

New research has determined that psychopaths prefer Justing Bieber’s music to Bach’s.

And super-extra-crazy folks just run Hillary speeches through autotune.

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Pass One, Repeal Two

Now being floated: Joe Biden in 2020 as “a grown-up who is committed to getting things done“.

Great way for getting the grown-up committed to leaving us alone re-elected.

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Next, I Assume, Will Be Either Foot Stomping or Diaper Filling

Around the nation, liberals held “scream at the sky” events to mark the first anniversary of Hillary’s loss.

Sorta like a normal Democrat protest, except with more logic and coherence.

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Chicago Will ALWAYS Exempt These People from Their Laws

Chicago is considering fining people $500 for texting while crossing the street.

Unless, of course, you’re dead and on your way to vote.

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Only One Thing Wrong With His Story

A Colorado Springs man who owns over 4000 weapons claims to be the most heavily armed man in America.

That’s nice, but you know the REAL most heavily armed man in America knows better than to brag about it where the government can overhear.

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Upright Leadership

President Trump met with the Emperor of Japan, but unlike Obama, did not bow.

Imagine if Hillary had been President. Probably would’ve fallen over and had to be tossed in the back of the MedVan.

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