Archive for the ‘One-Shots’ Category

It’s Not Their Fault They’re Not Profitable – Gimme Your Money!

Friday, February 12, 2016 4:00 pm

President Obama says he wants a $10 per barrel tax on oil to help fund “green” transportation projects.

Unbelievable! He’s not making it $15 to match that minimum wage he wants?

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Not Giving 110%

Friday, February 12, 2016 8:00 am

Hillary Clinton said she was “100% confident” that nothing will come of the FBI’s probe into her email abuses.

Say, isn’t that that the same level of confidence she had that Benghazi was caused by a YouTube video?

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A Freudian Slip Is When You Say What You Wish Were True

Thursday, February 11, 2016 8:00 pm

While campaigning for her mother in Minnesota, Chelsea Clinton slipped and said “President Sanders”.

Good thing it wasn’t Bill on the campaign trail. He’d probably have gaffed “Colonel”.

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Don’t Make Us Toss Your Tea Again, Limey

Thursday, February 11, 2016 4:00 pm

The UK now wants the legal authority to serve warrants in the USA.

Sure, officer no-guns, what’s the crime? Illegal crumpet-munching?

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You’ll Feel Lighter After This

Thursday, February 11, 2016 8:00 am

After the Democratic debate, Rachel Maddow, one of the debate moderators, hugged both candidates, Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton.

That’s just weird. Usually the only time a liberal hugs you is when they’re trying to lift your wallet.

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So Insulting

Wednesday, February 10, 2016 8:00 pm

During a visit to a mosque, President Obama said “we’ve heard inexcusable political rhetoric against Muslim-Americans”.

Absolutely. For example, how many times have we heard that “religion of peace” slander?

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Gander Sauce?

Wednesday, February 10, 2016 4:00 pm

The federal government is considering new ways to toughen their fight against domestic “extremists”.

So… treating them like Muslim extremists by giving them $100 billion and a nuclear weapon?

[title reference link]

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How This Will Affect You

Wednesday, February 10, 2016 8:00 am

A new study shows that the average American will spend 43 days of their life on hold.

Though with Obamacare, you’ll have longer hold times, but a shorter life span, so it’s a wash.

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Hers Truly Is a Hard-Knock Life

Tuesday, February 9, 2016 8:00 pm

During an interview in Time Magazine, Hillary Clinton said “I know what it’s like to be knocked down”.

…’onto a cushy pile of dollar bills raked in from my 6-figure speaking fees‘.

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No, Seriously, NOT OK

Tuesday, February 9, 2016 4:00 pm

A 12-member panel, assembled by the National Academies of Sciences, Engineering and Medicine, concluded that it would be ethical for scientists to try to create babies that have genetic material from three different people.

Huh… what’s THAT birth certificate going to look like? “Mother”, “Father”, “Caitlyn”?

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9 Terrifying Words

Tuesday, February 9, 2016 8:00 am

At the IRS, a computer problem shut down the entire e-file system.

Lovely. Wait until the government is in charge of your heart/lung machine.

[reference link]

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This Might Be a Good Reason to Keep Them Nuke-Free

Monday, February 8, 2016 8:00 pm

Iran’s Supreme Leader “It’s not clear if the Holocaust is a reality or not”.

Let me guess – they want a do-over just to be sure?

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Where Did It All Go Wrong?

Monday, February 8, 2016 4:00 pm

A new report shows that hundreds of DHS badges, guns, and cell phones have been lost or stolen since 2012.

The good news: most agents still retain the bullet they keep in their shirt pockets.

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They Have Done This

Monday, February 8, 2016 8:00 am

President Obama visited a mosque in Baltimore to acknowledge “the contributions Muslim Americans make to our nation”.

Oddly, the same reason many Americans visit One World Trade Center.

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The Best Example

Sunday, February 7, 2016 8:00 pm

A new children’s book, “Hillary Rodham Clinton: Some Girls Are Born to Lead”, is dedicated to teaching girls principles to follow to walk in Hillary’s footsteps.

For example – get enough sleep by avoiding 3am phone calls.

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Side Effects May Include…

Sunday, February 7, 2016 12:00 pm

A new report shows that marijuana use may affect users’ ability to remember words.

Barack off-telepromter – mystery solved.

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The Bad News: Their Vote Counts Just As Much As Yours

Saturday, February 6, 2016 8:00 pm

Awkward, a new viral video shows Hillary supporters endorsing Karl Marx for her VP pick.

Why not? The only difference between Karl & Bernie is the beard.

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It’s Coming for You

Saturday, February 6, 2016 12:00 pm

Dutch Police are now training eagles to take down drones.

Interesting… gives new meaning to the term “bird strike“.

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Math Is SO Hard for These People

Friday, February 5, 2016 8:00 pm

A new study shows that the Paris Climate Treaty will cost $12.1 trillion to implement.

Huh… Wouldn’t it be cheaper to just buy everyone on the planet an air conditioner?

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I Question the Timing of This

Friday, February 5, 2016 4:00 pm

A new poll shows that 91% of Amerians aren’t worried about global warming.

Worried? This time of year, most of us are praying for it.

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