Archive for the ‘One-Shots’ Category

Perfectly Safe

Friday, October 31, 2014 8:00 am

A new report shows that ISIS may possess chemical weapons.

That doesn’t bother me. What bothers me is how they probably plan to dispose of them.

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Scariest Costume Ever!

Thursday, October 30, 2014 8:00 pm

Irking liberals: having a Halloween costume of an Ebola hazmat suit and a respirator.

REALLY irking liberals: no hazmat suit, just a clipboard.

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You Know Who You Are

Thursday, October 30, 2014 4:00 pm

A new report shows that if you have $3,650, you’re among the wealthiest half of people in the world.

Keep that in mind when Obama says he wants the wealthy to pay their fair share.

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What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

Thursday, October 30, 2014 8:00 am

Asked how Obamacare’s second open enrollment period would go, HHS’s Sylvia Mathews Burwell said she expects “there will be issues that will be raised as we go”.

Also, premiums.

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Makes Chicken Little Look Like Charles Krauthammer

Wednesday, October 29, 2014 8:00 pm

John Kerry said that if global warming skeptics are wrong, “life as you know it on Earth ends”.

Sheesh! Bond villains roll their eyes at this guy and say “what a drama queen!”

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Covers All the Contingencies *I* Can Think Of

Wednesday, October 29, 2014 4:00 pm

Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel unveiled a comprehensive plan for how the US military will address the effects of climate change.

I’m really hoping it’s “ignore it and go kill terrorists”.

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Precedent

Wednesday, October 29, 2014 8:00 am

At a press conference, State Department Spokeswoman Jen Psaki wouldn’t say how many American Ebola victims would be “acceptable”.

Historically speaking, though, I think State has a victim-limit of 4.

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Inconsistent

Tuesday, October 28, 2014 8:00 pm

President Obama reached a milestone recently, playing his 200th round of golf since taking office.

Oddly, not one of the clubs he played at gives free memberships to fence-jumpers.

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Scary

Tuesday, October 28, 2014 4:00 pm

The outbreak of Ebola in West Africa is threatening to shut down production of cacao, the main ingredient in chocolate.

Basically we’re now at risk of the entire world turning into a Michelle-approved school lunch.

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Can’t Be Too Careful

Tuesday, October 28, 2014 8:00 am

A Ohio elementary school has officially prohibited any sort of food at students’ birthday celebrations.

Good idea. Someone might nibble it into a gun shape.

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It Worked Before

Monday, October 27, 2014 8:00 pm

The White House is considering options that would allow President Obama to close Gitmo via executive order.

I suppose he could just declare the place a veterans memorial.

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Ai-Yi-Yi!

Monday, October 27, 2014 4:00 pm

A new report shows a spike in the number of Cubans fleeing to Florida in homemade rafts.

Although a lot turn back when they find out they’ll be getting the same health care system.

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Unique

Monday, October 27, 2014 8:00 am

President Obama said he will delay picking a new attorney general until after the elections.

Understandable… Holder’s hard to replace. It’s tough to find candidates that can match his “in contempt of Congress” qualification.

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Pat on the Head

Sunday, October 26, 2014 8:00 pm

Josh Earnest described Joe Biden as “a core member” of the president’s national security team.

Yes, I’m sure the Padres say the same thing to the San Diego Chicken.

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It’s Not “Oppression”, It’s “Efficiency”

Sunday, October 26, 2014 12:00 pm

To “streamline” HealthCare.gov, the 76 screens in the online application have been reduced to 16.

Look for Obamacare to “streamline” your healthcare options similarly.

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It’s Still Useful

Saturday, October 25, 2014 8:00 pm

Oops! Suddenly the EPA can’t find copies of one of their top official’s text messages.

Probably hiding them in the basement of one of those coal-fired plants they shut down.

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Either Way, This Will Not End Well

Saturday, October 25, 2014 12:00 pm

Tech innovator Elon Musk warned that a “super-intelligent” machine might wipe out humanity.

Or a not-so-intelligent West African travel policy.

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Similar Content

Friday, October 24, 2014 8:00 pm

When asked to name one of Joe Biden’s accomplishments, one attendee at a political rally featuring Biden answered “he’s got a great grin”.

So does a jack-o’-lantern.

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Useful Idiot

Friday, October 24, 2014 4:00 pm

Asked to list successes in President Obama’s Iraq policy during a presser, the State Department’s Jen Psaki was unable to name one.

Probably had to bite her tongue to keep from saying “kept you from talking about Benghazi”.

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It’s Still an Honor

Friday, October 24, 2014 8:00 am

Officials in Hawaii have dropped plans to rename a popular beach for President Obama.

Instead, they’re going to name an extinct volcano “Obama’s Economy”.

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