Archive for the ‘One-Shots’ Category

Both Sides Now

Monday, April 20, 2015 8:00 pm

President Obama railed against a GOP tax cut proposal because “the rest of the country has to pay for it”.

Wait… wasn’t that his argument FOR Obamacare?

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

Just As Good As the Last One

Monday, April 20, 2015 4:00 pm

Hillary Clinton said she wanted to put the relationship between the United States and Israel back on “constructive footing”.

I can see it now: her first foreign policy act as President: giving Netanyahu a “Reset” button printed in Arabic.

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

Replacement

Monday, April 20, 2015 8:00 am

The Pentagon is considering spending billions of dollars on a new Boeing 747 to use as Air Force One.

Good plan. I hear the old one can barely fly him across town for his photo ops anymore.

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (5 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

Long March

Sunday, April 19, 2015 8:00 pm

More than 500 American troops took an 1,100-mile tour of Europe, known as Operation Dragon Ride, in a show of strength designed to allay concerns about Russian aggression.

I just hope it’s enough to reassure them after Operation Flexible President.

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (5 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

Meeting the Qualifications

Sunday, April 19, 2015 12:00 pm

Harry Reid is still adamant that he won’t be seeking another term in the Senate next year.

I don’t know what else he’d do. Work road construction as the guy holding the stop sign, maybe?

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (5 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

Making the Mid-East Stable

Saturday, April 18, 2015 8:00 pm

Nervous over Iran, Saudi Arabia said it would not rule out building or acquiring nuclear weapons.

Looks like Obama’s made the Middle East the kind of stable that’s on fire and full of panicked horses.

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

Invisible Hand?

Saturday, April 18, 2015 12:00 pm

A new report claims that Google, Inc. has a tremendous amount of control over President Obama’s policies.

I don’t believe it. If Google were in control, Obama would have policies that got results.

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (6 votes, average: 4.83 out of 5)

What, Me Worry?

Friday, April 17, 2015 8:00 pm

Now ranked as what Americans worry about least – global warming.

What they should worry about most: government “solutions” to global warming.

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (5 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

Honor

Friday, April 17, 2015 4:00 pm

Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel has suggested naming an airport after President Obama.

A place filled with incompetent, obnoxious federal employees that everyone hates dealing with? Sounds perfect.

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (8 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

By Any Other Name

Friday, April 17, 2015 8:00 am

The pro-Hillary group HRC Super Volunteers warned of “coded sexism” when people described her with words like “calculating”, “insincere”, or “secretive”.

Oh… so Democrats aren’t allowed to compliment her anymore?

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (4 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

This Could Work

Thursday, April 16, 2015 8:00 pm

The US has agreed to let Iran enrich uranium in a fortified underground bunker.

Sounds great. We get to hold the keys to all the doors, right?

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

Obvious Solution

Thursday, April 16, 2015 4:00 pm

Iran said that under no conditions will it accept unannounced inspections of its nuclear sites.

Fine by me. We’ll inspect whatever rubble an Israeli air strike leaves behind.

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (8 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

There’s a Difference

Thursday, April 16, 2015 8:00 am

At a White House press briefing, a reporter asked why we should trust nuclear negotiations with an Iranian leader who chants “death to America”.

Of course he’s trustworthy. It’s not like he’s chanting “lie to America”.

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (7 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

No Word on if It Covers Chewed Pop-Tarts

Wednesday, April 15, 2015 8:00 pm

An Ohio legislator introduced legislation that bans toy guns if they are too realistic.

So… where do they draw the line? On whether it makes a liberal cry?

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (5 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

Nice Community You’ve Got There… Be a Shame if Someone Were to Organize it…

Wednesday, April 15, 2015 4:00 pm

New FEMA rules require states seeking disaster preparedness money from DC to assess how climate change threatens their communities.

Apparently, mostly in the form of blackmail from FEMA

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (5 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

You Need SOMEthing…

Wednesday, April 15, 2015 8:00 am

In order to sell the Apple Watch, Apple Retail Store employees will be trained to provide personal fashion and styling advice to customers.

Here’s some better advice: if you’re too lazy to take phone out of your pocket, your problem is NOT that you need a new watch.

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (3 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

Ruled

Tuesday, April 14, 2015 8:00 pm

The Supreme Court left intact a law in Wisconsin that requires voters to present photo identification when they cast ballots.

Apparently John Roberts figured out a way to declare it a tax.

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (4 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

Outdated

Tuesday, April 14, 2015 4:00 pm

One computer expert predicted that 47% of all jobs will be replaced by robots and computer programs in the next 20 years.

He’s doomed. Computers can already pick random numbers.

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (3 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

Getting Results

Tuesday, April 14, 2015 8:00 am

The government spent $240,000 on a study to see if making slower-responding vending machines would result in healthier snack choices.

Let me guess: no, just an increase in foot-shaped dents.

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (5 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

I Hate [to be determined]

Monday, April 13, 2015 8:00 pm

A US Forest Service executive ordered his employees to probe their own “unconscious biases” using an online test.

Why? Is he afraid they might secretly prefer deciduous trees to evergreens?

Send to Kindle
1 Star (Hated it)2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (Awesome) (4 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)