“Guilty As Hell, Free As a Bird”

On his last day in office, President Obama commuted the sentence of 330 prison inmates.

Excellent. Now just give all that time to Hillary, and the Scales of Justice will be balanced.

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Hey Arthur! Put Your Sword Back in the Stone!

Karl Rove said that now that Trump has taken office, he should finally give up his Twitter account.

Probably thought Ripley should’ve climbed out of the Power Loader earlier, too.

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Friends Close

Even though Donald Trump is now President, he’s still keeping 50 officials from the Obama administration.

#enemiescloser

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Not Sure if Royal We or Mouse in Pocket

At his final press conference, President Obama told a gathering of sympathetic liberal reporters “we’re going to be OK”.

“We” meaning “people with the last name Obama”.

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When Something Can’t Go on Forever, It Won’t. Usually Fast and Painfully

At a speech in Switzerland, Joe Biden said we must not allow the “liberal world order” to be torn apart by destructive forces.

Yes, like the fundamental laws of economics.

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I Have a Long Memory for Grudges

President Obama accused Russia of “a concerted effort to undermine confidence in our democracy”.

Yes, like that time Checkov stole high-energy photons from our nuclear wessels!

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And Definitely Skip Confirmation Hearings

Donald Trump says he’s not mad at Democrat John Lewis for boycotting the inauguration, but “we’re off to a bad start”.

Well, I support Lewis’s efforts. In fact, I think he should encourage his fellow Democrats to boycott votes on Republican legislation, too.

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Why Isn’t Tobacco Addiction Considered a “Disability”?

Airlines report they’re being plagued with cases of passengers flying with phony “emotional support animals”.

So the REAL question is what do they do if I bring my support monkey who’s a former circus chimp with a two-pack a day habit? Do they have to let him smoke on the flight?

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Calling to Obama Like Lois Lane to Superman

After leaving the White House, President Obama’s first destination will be Palm Springs, CA.

Why? Is their community disorganized?

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It’s Always Amused Me That His Name Literally Means “Joking Serious”

During White House Press Secretary Josh Earnest’s final press conference for Obama, he bashed Trump by saying it sounded like Putin “got his copy of the talking points.”

That’s an improvement. With this President, Putin reads his talking points. With Obama, Putin just Charmined with them.

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Slightly Off-Topic, But Can Steve Bartman Show His Face in Public Again Now?

During the Chicago Cubs’ visit to the White House, President Obama referred to himself 40 times.

I’m impressed. Obama managed to stop talking about himself before their NEXT World Series victory.

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Michelle’s Mouthpiece Might Want to Rephrase That

Asked what Michelle Obama had planned for after she’s no longer First Lady, spokeswoman Melissa Winter said “right now it is an empty plate

So… still working on school lunches?

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Who Investigates the Investigation Investigators?

The Justice Department’s Inspector General is opening an investigation into how DOJ and FBI personnel handled the investigation into Hillary Clinton’s use of a private e-mail server.

Weird… everyone’s getting investigated but the criminal at the heart of it all.

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Carnival Barker Seeks Bigger Carnival

The incoming Trump administration wants to hold bigger White House press briefings that includes bloggers and others who aren’t from the mainstream media.

Frank J’s first question: “what’s your nuclear weapons policy regarding our common enemy, the moon?”, to which I’m hoping for a response of “Already nuked. Next question.”

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Ounce of Cure Not Worth a Pound of Hillary

The Clinton Foundation announced it’s laying off 22 staffers as part of a plan to offset a storm of criticism regarding pay-to-play allegations while Hillary was Secretary of State.

Great plan. Like slipping on a bullet-proof vest AFTER you get shot.

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