Also, Pink Periscopes

With women now serving aboard submarines, the Navy is building new subs specifically to accommodate female crew members.

So… clothesline running down the middle of the ship to hang pantyhose on?

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I’ll Stick With Hugging Puppies

New studies show that botox may be an effective treatment for depression.

Huh… if that’s true, how come Nancy Pelosi’s so grouchy?

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In Five Years, There’d Be a Shortage of Sand

New studies estimate that there are 150 million pieces of space junk orbiting the earth which could potentially damage a spacecraft or satellite.

I can only think of one path to clear skies – create a government program whose purpose is to maintain the current level of space junk.

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I’m Sure the Bay Area Was a Popular Destination

Census data shows that more than 1 million people moved out of the New York area to other parts of the country – the highest negative net migration rate among the nation’s large population centers.

I can only assume they moved to parts of the country that already had the soda bans they so desperately craved.

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Lacks the Beautiful Plumage of Her Norwegian Cousin, Though

Celebrating her 30th birthday, Knoxville Zoo’s Einstein the Gray Parrot has a vocabulary of over 200 words.

Amazing! That’s nearly twice as many as the next-smartest parrot or MSNBC host.

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“Flight of the Bumblebee” Is the New “Stairway to Heaven”

A new study finds that the music in pop songs is getting faster and blames listeners’ diminishing attention spans.

Sounds over-exaggerated to me… although I did skip 3 Pandora songs while reading that headline.

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And That’s If They’re in Compliance

The State Department has stated that the Iran nuclear deal is now officially “under review“.

Hopefully it’s being reviewed like we reviewed Syrian airport security.

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Everybody’s Got a Strategy

Trump supporters living in liberal California say that in order to survive, “you kind of keep your head down”.

For Trump opponents, I imagine they advice they get is “you kind of keep your head empty”.

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Just Wondering How Many Liberals Watched This and Cheered

North Korean state TV put on a musical show to mark the birthday of founding father Kim Il Sung, which ended with a mock-up video of missiles engulfing the United States in flames.

Don’t bother to watch it. It’s just a cheap ripoff of the American version that was set in Syria.

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And Yet Somehow Hillary STILL Isn’t President

The Berkeley City Council passed a five-page resolution calling for President Trump to be impeached.

Or, as the Arabs would say “the dogs bark, but the caravan moves on”.

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Or Possibly a YouTube Video

A new study shows that, more than ever, Americans are stressed, depressed, and anxiety-ridden.

Also, MSNBC’s ratings are up. Not sure which is cause & which is effect.

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The Slippery Slope from Silly to Stupid

The UC Davis student senate has made it optional to display the American flag at its meetings.

Let me guess… they’ve also made Colin Kaepernick their honorary meeting chairman?

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Government Control, Meet Self Control

The former Federal Election Commission chairwoman said that political speech must be controlled on social media, calling for regulations against “fake news.”

It’s already regulated, sweetie. It’s called a “back” button.

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Agent Clouseau Has Left the Building

Federal authorities have opened investigations into radical Islamic terrorists in all 50 states, according to the Department of Homeland Security, which is warning that the threat of terrorism in the United States has reached an all time high.

Great. I suppose they’re just going to let global warming get off scot free then?

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Why Typing Is the Only Useful Class I Took in High School

Tesla & SpaceX CEO Elon Musk says he’s working to develop a way to connect computers to human thoughts.

Huh… I just call mine “hands”.

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