Archive for the ‘One-Shots’ Category

It’s for the Children

Friday, July 3, 2015 8:00 pm

A man who robbed a hotel of $400 told his victim “I don’t want to shoot you, but I need to feed my family”.

Ok, buddy, but I don’t think you need to feed them steak & lobster.

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The Things Government’s Great At

Friday, July 3, 2015 12:00 pm

Just outside the California building where drought regulations originate, broken sprinklers water the sidewalk.

I’m sure Governor Brown will do the sensible thing and ban sidewalks.

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Everything Except THAT

Thursday, July 2, 2015 8:00 pm

A State Department official gave a talk on the root causes of terrorism, but never once mentioned Islam.

Yes, let’s just avoid the elephant in the room… wearing a bomb vest.

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At a Certain Point, You’ve Made Enough Money

Thursday, July 2, 2015 4:00 pm

At a press conference, Hillary Clinton commented on income inequality in America: “Are there things that need to be fixed? Yes.”

So… what was her speaking fee for those 9 words?

[title reference link]

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Easy

Thursday, July 2, 2015 8:00 am

Turns out the Spanish language version of Hillary Clinton’s campaign website is riddled with errors and typos.

No problemo. What’s Spanish for “RESET”?

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Stepladder

Wednesday, July 1, 2015 8:00 pm

Speaking to a group of young women, Michelle Obama said that men are “useful”.

Yes, for example, when you want to marry into political power that no one would be fool enough to elect you to.

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Gippertastic!

Wednesday, July 1, 2015 4:00 pm

The New York Daily News reports that Ronald Reagan used to carry a .38 revolver in his briefcase.

What’s Obama tote? 38 of his own speeches on an iPod?

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Still Beating That Drum

Wednesday, July 1, 2015 8:00 am

The Weather Channel is launching a new video series haranguing people who don’t believe in global warming.

So… when are they changing it to “The Climate Channel”?

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It Does Raise the Question

Tuesday, June 30, 2015 8:00 pm

After the shooting in Charleston, President Obama said “this type of mass violence does not happen in other advanced countries”.

So… how do you say that in French?

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Like a Midwest Martha’s Vineyard

Tuesday, June 30, 2015 7:00 pm

[High Praise! to Freedom Is Just Another Word]

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So Hip & Trendy

Tuesday, June 30, 2015 4:00 pm

Burnishing her modern tech-culture credentials, Hillary Clinton released her official campaign playlist on Spotify.

Very impressive. Do you know how hard it is to upload Benny Goodman from a 78?

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Obama Warned Us – Progressive

Tuesday, June 30, 2015 2:00 pm

Hawaii has been a national leader in the progressive movement. Celebrate that progress — and you could win a free trip: http://ofa.bo/h8dm

@BarackObama

“And by ‘free’ I mean ‘paid for with someone else’s money’. Progressive!”

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Trust Us, We’ve Totally Got Your Back

Tuesday, June 30, 2015 8:00 am

America’s UN Ambassador, Samantha Power, said that US support for the Ukraine against Russian aggression is “unwavering”.

It’s true. Technically, non-existent things can’t waver.

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The Air Is Electric

Monday, June 29, 2015 8:00 pm

“Jurassic World” brought in $209 million in its first weekend in theaters – the highest-grossing opening weekend of all time.

Everyone sure loves dinosaurs. Just imagine the energy at Hillary’s campaign HQ.

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Going the Extra Mile

Monday, June 29, 2015 4:00 pm

During a recent interview, President Obama said he actually responds to angry letters people write to him.

I have this weird mental image of him hooking his teleprompter up to his autopen.

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It’d Be a Democrat First

Monday, June 29, 2015 8:00 am

The State Department said it has no record of Hillary Clinton receiving IT security training while she was Secretary of State.

She has her own email server. Maybe she was home-schooled.

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It Just Got Colder

Sunday, June 28, 2015 8:00 pm

A Russian fighter jet came within 10 feet of a US Air Force reconnaissance aircraft in international airspace over the Black Sea last month.

My prediction: Putin’ll be banging his shoe on a podium before the year is out.

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Bang for Your Buck

Sunday, June 28, 2015 12:00 pm

A recent poll shows that Americans estimate that Washington wastes 51 cents of every dollar it spends.

Not true. Those funds are invested in important things like money pits, boondoggles, and the very silkiest of sow’s ear purses.

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Surprise!

Sunday, June 28, 2015 8:00 am

[High Praise! to Freedom Is Just Another Word]

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Fixing the Problem

Saturday, June 27, 2015 8:00 pm

In North Carolina, a woman frustrated with long wait times in a hospital emergency room held a lighter to a sprinkler, dousing the entire ER in water.

And yet still a better approach to improving medical services than Obamacare.

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