Archive for the ‘One-Shots’ Category

Only Way It’ll Happen

Wednesday, December 17, 2014 4:00 pm

While blocking the Keystone XL pipeline in the US, the Obama administration announced plans to boost fossil fuel production in Ukraine.

So… we can have Keystone if Putin invades Canada?

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Suckered

Wednesday, December 17, 2014 8:00 am

A new report shows that Iran never halted its clandestine nuclear weapons program and is only negotiating to buy time to make progress on it.

Last time a stall stank this bad, Hercules rerouted the River Alpheus through it.

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Get a Jump on That Relocation Program

Tuesday, December 16, 2014 8:00 pm

President Obama released 5 more Gitmo detainees despite reports that many released terrorists re-join Al Qaeda.

If he’s going to release them, how about at least doing it from an airplane at 10,000 feet – parachute optional.

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Repeating History?

Tuesday, December 16, 2014 4:00 pm

Hillary Clinton said “we just need to get back into that can-do, problem-solving spirit that the Roosevelts exemplified”.

So… is she planning to pack the Supreme Court or invade France?

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The Obvious Solution

Tuesday, December 16, 2014 8:00 am

A new report shows that the average price for a pound of ground beef climbed to another record high.

Only one fix for that: Obamaburger!

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Also, You’re Stupid

Monday, December 15, 2014 8:00 pm

On MSNBC, a New York Times reporter said that health insurance is “weird and complicated”, so “a free market doesn’t work very well”.

Sure. And all you need to fix it is more of the government regulations that made it weird and complicated in the first place.

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Like Soros…

Monday, December 15, 2014 4:00 pm

New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio said the Democrats’ 2016 nominee “should be willing to challenge wealthy and powerful interests”.

For example: challenging them to give more at political fundraisers.

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Also, No Titles of Nobility

Monday, December 15, 2014 8:00 am

White House Press Secretary Josh Earnest said President Obama considers the GOP’s “Emperor” criticism “a badge of honor”.

Mr. President: this is America – we don’t need no stinking badges.

[title reference link]

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He Only Scares Our Allies

Sunday, December 14, 2014 8:00 pm

Conservative columnist George Will took a shot at Obama, calling him “the greatest builder of the Republican Party since Ronald Reagan”.

Sadly, though, not NEARLY as scary to Russia.

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Just Keep Firing

Sunday, December 14, 2014 12:00 pm

The Obama administration is open to “limits” on the duration of its military efforts in Iraq and Syria.

Why? The only limit I see is running out of live terrorists.

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Lots of Experience

Saturday, December 13, 2014 8:00 pm

A new report shows the Pentagon got duped into making a ransom payment for Bowe Bergdahl to a con man.

Huh. You’d think that working with Obama would’ve taught them to spot those.

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If It’d Been BushCare…

Saturday, December 13, 2014 12:00 pm

Asked about NBC’s failure to cover Jonathan Gruber’s remarks, Chuck Todd said “I’m not saying it’s not a story.”

He’s just saying it doesn’t make Republicans look bad.

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My PC Can Beat Up Your PC

Friday, December 12, 2014 8:00 pm

If an effort to not offend, a university in North Carolina has replaced the word “freshman” with the term “first-year”.

Not enough. “North” Carolina is offensive to people who aren’t good with directions.

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You’re Doing It Wrong

Friday, December 12, 2014 4:00 pm

Turns out that a former Gitmo detainee is now a recruiter for ISIS.

Can’t help thinking the world would be a better place if the only way to become a “former” Gitmo detainee was to leave the place feet-first.

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Still More Consistency Than Eric Holder

Friday, December 12, 2014 8:00 am

A Chinese official said the internet should “always follow the rule of law”.

This from a nation synonymous with bootleg DVDs and fake iPad knockoffs.

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Necessary

Thursday, December 11, 2014 8:00 pm

Air Force records show that the flight cost for President Obama’s Labor Day weekend trips for fundraising, personal business, and politicking cost taxpayers $1.5 million.

Yes, and you can bet it’ll be the one expense that won’t get cut if Obama forces another government shutdown.

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Didn’t Barney Fife Used to Say That?

Thursday, December 11, 2014 4:00 pm

President Obama defended his executive order on immigration by saying “I have legal authority to take action.”

Funny how he never says that about protecting our border.

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Flavor Country

Thursday, December 11, 2014 8:00 am

A Seattle-based firm has struck a deal with the estate of Jamaican reggae star Bob Marley to launch a global cannabis brand.

Looks like they’re turning him into the Marlboro Mon.

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PC Peer Pressure

Wednesday, December 10, 2014 8:00 pm

Time Magazine apologized for the results of a poll it ran showing that the word “feminist” was unpopular.

Although not as unpopular, apparently, as telling the truth to feminists.

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You Want Out of This Parking Lot? OK…

Wednesday, December 10, 2014 4:00 pm

In Chicago, burglars drove a stolen car through the doors of a shopping mall, stole some Louis Vuitton handbags, and escaped.

And before you ask, no, Dan Aykroyd wasn’t driving.

[reference link]

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