Are They Sure It’s Not Because of the Color?

San Francisco school officials have deemed chocolate milk too sugary for students, and they’re now phasing it out of district cafeterias.

Great idea, but to be fair, they should also take all the cream & sugar out of the teacher’s lounges.

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It’s Not You, It’s… No, It’s You

Trending industry: breakup experts who counsel you on the process of ending a lousy relationship.

Can we hire some to teach Republicans how to dump Obamacare?

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Nope… Nuke It From Orbit

After Republicans couldn’t get a repeal bill passed, President Trump commented, “as I have always said, let ObamaCare fail“.

And it will, but the point is, like cancer, to remove it before it takes the patient with it.

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Like When Dory Was the Liveliest Fish in the Minnow Bucket

During a joint press briefing in Paris, President Trump said that the French have “a tough president.”

Which sounds like a compliment, but it’s sorta like saying your summer school class has “a brilliant valedictorian”.

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Why Would I Dig Through My Neighbor’s Trash Can for Food Scraps When I Have Lots of Money and Live Across the Street from Domino’s?

Iran has imprisoned an American man for ten years after accusing him of spying on their country.

Really? What’d he do? Steal their secrets for how to create a repressive theocratic tyranny?

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Spoiler Alert

Some scientists believe that “strange” signals that appear to be coming from a star close to Earth may have been sent by aliens.

Feminists are reportedly furious that it didn’t translate as “To Serve Man AND Woman“.

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Next: Bloggers Who Make Fun of Them

CBS ran a story wherein researchers claimed that technology may replace up to half of all low-skilled jobs.

First to go: network future predictions reporter.

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Still Waiting for Trump’s Cartoon Doppelganger

Winnie the Pooh has been banned in China, because the character is used by political dissidents to represent China’s President.

Oh… like how Democrats banned Curious George in 2008.

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Did NOT See That One Coming

Weird… new research shows that artificial sweeteners can actually cause people to gain weight.

Ah… so like when Democrats said Obamacare would lower your insurance premiums.

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This Is How It Starts

Several areas of a state park in Florida have had to be closed to the public because of “unwanted monkey interactions with park guests”.

Just watch… the ACLU will get involved and the next thing you know we’ll be forced to bake them cakes.

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Nancy Is Historically Accurate

During a recent interview, Nancy Pelosi said that she and Chuck Schumer were “the voices for winning back Congress“.

Yes. From the Democrats in 2010.

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He’d Have Better Luck With an Obamacare Repeal Bill

Democrat Congressman Brad Sherman introduced formal articles of impeachment against President Trump, but the bill only got one co-sponsor.

Ah… the House equivalent of “my mom says I’m cool!”.

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Don’t Be the One to Buy in Just Before the Market Crashes

Former Vice President Al Gore compared the fight against climate change to slavery, gay rights, and apartheid.

Drama queen. Face it, Al – carbon credits are just the 21st century version of 17th century tulip bulbs.

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Also Like Nixon – Will Never Be Impeached

Former Obama AG Eric Holder told an audience of liberal lawyers in San Francisco that he hears “disturbing echoes” of Watergate in current White House issues.

In other words, he’s afraid that, like Nixon, Trump will get elected to a second term.

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Chubby Kid With Bad Haircut Has Hissy Fit

North Korea has vowed to “turn the US into a pile of ash“.

You don’t scare us, Kim. Obama’s constitutionally ineligible for a third term.

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