Archive for the ‘One-Shots’ Category

That’s One Way to Make It

Tuesday, July 22, 2014 8:00 pm

In a recent speech, President Obama said “what makes us American is not just circumstances of birth”.

Yes, there’s also Democrats pushing for amnesty.

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They’re Practically a Health Food

Tuesday, July 22, 2014 4:00 pm

In New York, a man was arrested for smuggling $55 million dollars worth of untaxed cigarettes.

Why all the fuss? Cigarettes are trans-fat free.

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And No One’s More Bitter Than Michelle

Tuesday, July 22, 2014 8:00 am

Complaining about opponents of her school lunch rules, Michelle Obama said “I’m going to fight until the bitter end”

And she’ll win, too, since her enemies will all pass out from hunger.

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Seems Fair

Monday, July 21, 2014 8:00 pm

A new report castigates the BBC for giving equal air time to “climate change deniers”.

Probably mad at the actual temperature record for the same reason.

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Either Or

Monday, July 21, 2014 4:00 pm

Commenting on Obama’s ignoring of the border crisis, Rick Perry said Obama was “either inept or doesn’t care”.

I disagree with Perry’s assessment. The two aren’t mutually exclusive.

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Somebody Has to Say It

Monday, July 21, 2014 8:00 am

“Josh Earnest” as White House Press Secretary… the only way Obama could be more openly contemptuous of us would be to replace him with a guy named “Kidding Serious”.

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The Most Precious Freedom

Sunday, July 20, 2014 8:00 pm

A new survey puts the United States in 36th place in the world for “perceived freedom”.

It would’ve been worse, but we’re still free to not care about soccer.

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So Confused

Sunday, July 20, 2014 12:00 pm

Regarding a recent flood of illegal immigrants, President Obama said “our system is so broken that folks don’t know what the rules are”.

Which folks? The illegals or the ICE agents?

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Obvious Cause

Saturday, July 19, 2014 8:00 pm

During an interview on ABC, President Obama said “there’s going to be times when the world is mess”.

Yes. For example, after one of his foreign policy speeches.

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Can We See the Instant Replay?

Saturday, July 19, 2014 8:00 am

During a stop in Minneapolis, President Obama complained that Republicans “don’t do anything except block me and call me names”.

Come on Republicans, this is serious. Taunting is a 15-yard penalty.

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If You’re Not the Paying Customer, Then You’re the Product Being Sold

Friday, July 18, 2014 8:00 pm

Facebook conducted a secret psychology experiment on 600,000 of its users without telling participants.

Their next experiment: seeing how many people complained about this experiment on Facebook.

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Looks the Same to Me

Friday, July 18, 2014 4:00 pm

A genetics company in Iowa is creating 100 cloned cows every year.

And you’ll still see more variety there than in Congressional Democrats voting on cutting spending.

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Opportunity, Indeed

Friday, July 18, 2014 8:00 am

Regarding the recent flood of illegal immigrants, Nancy Pelosi said they should be “viewed as an opportunity”.

Oh. I thought she viewed them as her voter base.

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Thinking of You

Thursday, July 17, 2014 8:00 pm

President Obama said that for the working class, it must feel like “sometimes you’re just forgotten” by DC.

Yes… and then we see the withholding box on our pay stubs and we KNOW they’re thinking of us.

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Out of Control

Thursday, July 17, 2014 4:00 pm

A New York school expelled an 8-year-old student for threatening other kids with a paper gun.

Seems like an overreaction. It’s not like he nibble-sculpted a Pop-Tart or something.

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Head Bone’s Connected to the…

Thursday, July 17, 2014 8:00 am

Speaking on the VA scandal, President Obama said “some federal workers do bone-headed things”.

Yes – like appoint bone-heads to work in government positions (looking your way, Barack…)

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Keep Looking

Wednesday, July 16, 2014 8:00 pm

NASA has found a mysterious X-ray signal that astronomers say could be from dark matter some 240 million light years away from Earth.

Still not found: room in the budget for a ship to launch our own astronauts into orbit.

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I’m All About Solutions

Wednesday, July 16, 2014 4:00 pm

A new GAO report shows that the Medicaid program doled out $14.4 billion in improper payments in fiscal year 2013.

Easy enough to make this problem go away. Cut the GAO’s report budget.

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Stop Offending Me!

Wednesday, July 16, 2014 8:00 am

Cecile Richards, president of Planned Parenthood Action Fund, said “the thought of your boss telling you what kind of birth control you can and can’t get is offensive”.

Cecile, it’s not about what you can get, it’s about what you can make someone else pay for.

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One Way to Stop Obama

Tuesday, July 15, 2014 8:00 pm

Desperate to boost their economy, Spain is planning sweeping income and corporate tax cuts.

The most likely result: expect President Obama to stop holding Europe up as a role model.

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