The Donkey Horror Picture Show (A Rocky Horror Picture Show Parody by Walruskkkch) Part 3

Russian Collusion Trump Impeachment
(to the tune of “Science Fiction Double Feature“)

Michael Flynn was quite ill
and they hoped that he will
give up the very top “man”
and Pete Strzok was there
to make it all “fair”
and provide an insurance plan.
Then something went wrong.
Cause Congress did not go along
revealing memos not part of the plan
Then at a deadly pace
any support for the case
kept unraveling, but the cover up still ran…

Russian Collusion (ooh ooh ooh) Trump Impeachment
A Dossier (ooh ooh ooh) will be featured.
Read accusations (ooh ooh ooh) that are slanted.
ol’ Chrissy Steele (ooh ooh ooh) got them planted.
Wo oh oh oh oh oh
At the DOJ’s Russian Collusion Impeachment show.

I knew that the Press
would never confess
that Hillary had paid all the bills
so they went with the plot
even with holes through it was shot
that they simply could never fill

Dems thought that the prudes
would find Donald rude
and the election easily won
But what Russian’s provide
could be easily denied
and there was no smokin’ gun.

Still a…

Russian Collusion (ooh ooh ooh) Trump Impeachment
A Dossier (ooh ooh ooh) will be featured.
Read accusations (ooh ooh ooh) that are slanted.
ol’ Chrissy Steele (ooh ooh ooh) got them planted.
Wo oh oh oh oh oh
At the DOJ, Russian Collusion Impeachment show.

Wo oh oh oh oh oh
Russian Collusion and Trump’s Impeachment…
they laugh with glee.
Russian Collusion and Trump’s Impeachment…
the DNC
Russian Collusion and Trump’s Impeachment..
but all they’ll see…
Is Donkey Horror Picture Show…

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Strzok and Page (Song Parody)

[High Praise! to Oppo]

Strzok and Page (to the tune of “Turn the Page” by Bob Seger)

On a long, loathsome slope
East and West Coast lies
You can listen to Deplorables
And text out one long sigh
Because you don’t care for their money
Just for things that it can buy

But your thoughts will soon be wandering
The way they always do
When you proxy-serve 1600
Pennsylvania Avenue
Massaging the elections
Though you wish that they were through

Here’s I.M.’s
On the phone again
Here we go
Texting rage
Here we go
Revealing our true intent
No one knows
Strzok and Page

When you walk into a hornet’s nest
Strung up by your bros
And you feel the eyes upon you
As you’re sucking up to foes
You pretend it doesn’t bother you
But you just want to expose . . .

Sometimes you can’t sway the rubes
Other times you can
With those same old cliches,
“Is he a Russian or the Klan?”
And you’ve always seen Obama
As the ideal Manchurian

Hear I.M.’s
On the phone again
Here we go
Opening the cage
Here we go
Revealing true intent
Here we go
Strzok and Page

Up there in the spotlight
You’re a million miles away
Every hint of NSA
You try to squirrel away
As the stuff pours out your body
Like The New York Times today

Later on that evening
As you lie to talking heads
With the echoes of the media
— Because it bled, it led
And you stoke the day’s last Reichstag
Remembering what she said:

Hear I.M.’s
On the phone again
Here we go
Texting rage
Here we go
Seal our records, now
Here we go
Strzok and Page

[reference link]

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Flingin’ Poo (Song Parody)

[High Praise! to Walruskkkch]

Flingin’ Poo (to the tune of “Waterloo” by ABBA)

My, my, they’re flingin’ Poo, you know they’ll never surrender
Oh yeah, they won’t accept their destiny in any possible way.
The playbook on their self
Will always keep repeating itself.

Flingin’ Poo – They were defeated, we won the war
Flingin’ Poo – Promise to fight us for ever more.
Flingin’ Poo – wouldn’t stop if they wanted to.
Flingin’ Poo – Knowing their fate will keep them losing elections too.
Flingin’ Poo – All they got left is Flingin’ Poo.

My, my, they tried to hold us back but we were stronger.
Oh yeah, but they, it seems, will never give up the fight.
And now they must all throw refuse.
Or else their base they will lose.

Flingin’ Poo – They were defeated we won the war
Flingin’ Poo – Promise to fight us for ever more.
Flingin’ Poo – wouldn’t stop if they wanted to.
Flingin’ Poo – Knowing their fate is losing elections too.
Flingin’ Poo – All they got left is Flingin’ Poo.

They know they must throw smelly refuse
Or else their base they will lose.

Flingin’ Poo – They were defeated we won the war
Flingin’ Poo – Promise to fight us for ever more.
Flingin’ Poo – wouldn’t stop if they wanted to.
Flingin’ Poo – Knowing their fate is losing elections too.
Flingin’ Poo – All they got left is Flingin’ Poo.

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The Donkey Horror Picture Show (A Rocky Horror Picture Show Parody by Walruskkkch) Part 2

Hot Tweetin’ – Bless My Soul (That Donald Trump Is on a Roll)
(to the tune of “Hot Patootie – Bless My Soul“)

This is what happened to make me see the light
we were getting dissed by every ol’ Liberal site.
But it ain’t seem the same since election night
Donald beat that low-life, I thought it was divine
and while we won the vote you know
The Dems still thought they ran the show
But Trump started tweetin’, he was on a roll
The Dems had to know they were beat
So it turned into a good time

Hot tweetin’ – Bless my soul
That Donald Trump is on a Roll
Hot tweetin’ – Bless my soul
That Donald Trump is on a Roll
Hot tweetin’ – Bless my soul
That Donald Trump is on a Roll
Hot tweetin’ – Bless my soul
That Donald Trump is on a Roll

My head used to swim from the comments, I felt
Our plan was fumbled our chances began to melt
We’d lose our seats with the hand Donald dealt
Reporters shouted in our ears for the past we will pine
Got back to home put the internet on
Hoped Trump wouldn’t be tweetin’ our swan song
but Americans are smarter than Libs are aware
They felt pretty good
It kept being a good time

Hot tweetin’ – Bless my soul
That Donald Trump is on a Roll
Hot tweetin’ – Bless my soul
That Donald Trump is on a Roll
Hot tweetin’ – Bless my soul
That Donald Trump is on a Roll
Hot tweetin’ – Bless my soul
That Donald Trump is on a Roll

Hot tweetin’ – Bless my soul
That Donald Trump is on a Roll
Hot tweetin’ – Bless my soul
That Donald Trump is on a Roll
Hot tweetin’ – Bless my soul
That Donald Trump is on a Roll
Hot tweetin’ – Bless my soul
That Donald Trump is on a Roll
Hot tweetin’ – Bless my soul
That Donald Trump is on a Roll
Hot tweetin’ – Bless my soul
That Donald Trump is on a Roll
Hot tweetin’ – Bless my soul
That Donald Trump is on a Roll
Hot tweetin’ – Bless my soul
That Donald Trump is on a Roll

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Nancy P. (Song Parody)

[High Praise! to Oppo]

Nancy P. (to the tune of “Dancing Queen“)

You’re a dunce, you can jive, having Time repeat your lies,
See that, girl? Magazines, diggin’ the Nancy P.?

Fright Night and the bar is low
Looking out for a placebo
Where they play left music, giving everything
You come in to look for a king

Anybody could be that guy
Voters young, Democrats are high
With your bitter-wreck musings, everything is fine
We’re in the mood for a dunce
And if you seize their guns…

You are the Nancy P.:
“Jung-Un’s sweet,”
I.Q. of seventeen
Nancy P.,
Feel defeat
From the Trump routine
You’re a dunce, you can jive, you’ll never do time all your life
See that grrrl, watch the screen, diggin’ the Nancy P.

You want Dreamers, you turn ’em on
Leave cities burning and then you’re gone
Looking out for another, any one will do
We’re in the mood for a dunce
And if you get their guns…

You are the Nancy P.:
“Jung-Un’s sweet,”
I.Q. seventeen
Nancy P.,
Feel defeat
From the Trump routine
You’re a dunce, but you can thrive, having the time of your life
See that girl, watch ’em scream, diggin’ the Nancy P.

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The Donkey Horror Picture Show (A Rocky Horror Picture Show Parody by Walruskkkch)

CAST

[Riff Raff] = Chuck Schumer as Rip Off
[Magenta] = Nancy Pelosi as #Metooah
[Columbia] – Hillary Clinton as Chappaqua
[Frank N Furter] = Barack Obama as Frank Lee Furtive
[The Narrator] = George Soros as The Paymaster
[The Guests] = Liberals as The Pests
[Eddie] = Ted Cruz as Teddy
[The Creature] = The Budget as The Creature/Budget


Let’s Let the Times Warp It Again (Let’s Do the Time Warp Again)

(Rip Off) It’s astounding
When Time is seething
Madness, it’s on a roll…

(#metooa) Ahh…

(Rip Off) Trump thinks he’s the Prez…

(#metooa) Not for very much longer…

(Rip Offf) We will keep control.
Remember, we’re letting the Times warp
Thinking and those columns will
turn opinion to suit me.

(Rip Off & #metooa) And the base hears us calling.

(Pests) Let’s see the Times Warp it again.
Let’s see the Times Warp it again.

(The Paymaster) We’ll make them jump to the left.

(Pest) Never go back to the right.

(The Paymaster) With our spin in the papers.

(Pest) It’ll Bring’em to their knees alright.

We’ll abuse the Public’s trust.
And drive the Donald insane.
Let’s let the Times Warp it again.
Let’s let the Times Warp it again.

(#metooa) It’s so dreamy
my fantasy sees me
The Speaker can be me
No one else at all.

In another edition
With partisan intention.
We’ll see Trump as he falls.

(Rip Off) With a bit of a seat flip…

(#metooa) Into Impeachment he’ll slip…

(Rip Off) And We’ll play the blame game.

(#metooa) to end the patriarchal sensation.

(Rip Off) we’ll commit us some sedition.

(Pests) And let the Times Warp it again.
Let’s let the Times Warp again.

(Chappaqua) Well, I fell down walking to my big win.
but here’s what you must think
you have to blame it on those evil guys
who read my emails and raised a stink.
Which got me shook up
And it took me by surprise
Thought I wouldn’t get stuck
by their right wing lies
And the voters looked at me
And I felt a change
The Fix meant nothing
The White House won’t be mine again.

(Pests) But let’s let the Times Warp it again.
Let’s let the Times Warp it again.

(The Paymaster) We’ll push the country to the left.

(Pests) not let it go back to the right.

(The Paymaster) With anonymous tips.

(Pests) Impeachment prospects will look bright.

Because we gotta do what we must…
And Congress we will regain…

By

Letting the Times Warp it again.
Letting the Times Warp it again.
Letting the Times Warp it again

(CHappaqua) Ah! Oh! Wha happen’?…
Ahhhh.

(Pests) Let’s let the Times Warp it again.
Let’s let the Times Warp it again.

(The Paymaster) We’ll push the country to the left.
(Pests) not let it go back to the right.

(The Paymaster) With anonymous tips.

(Pests) Impeachment prospect will look bright.

Because we gotta do what we must…
And then Congress we will regain…

By

Letting the Times Warp it again.
Letting the Times Warp it again.
Letting the Times Warp it again.

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The Nancy Pelosi Filibuster Song

[Submitted by Oppo, w/help from walruskkkch and DBDukes (High Praise!)]

[title reference link]

(To the tune of “Still Crazy After All These Years“)

I saw an old loser
On TV last night
She seemed so mad, unseemly, I just smiled
And she talked about some odd things
Like she had too many beers;
Still Crazy After All These Years

I’m not the kind of man
who likes life socialized.
better off with the old familiar ways.
And I’m not tempted by the free stuff
You keep whispering in my ears;
Call me crazy after eight long years.

Four in the morning
Crapped out, droning
Wrong, but she lies away
I never watch her — Why should I?
Nothing of value to say

So I sit by my Windows
And I watch the carnage
Fearing she’ll do more damage one fine day
Yet she will not be convicted
By a jury of her peers:
Still Crazy After All These Years

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Song Parody: For No One

[High Praise! to Oppo]

For No One by The Jihadeatles
(Not to be confused with the hit, “Good Day of Rage SunniShine”)
(Music)

Your day of rage breaks, your mind of rage aches
You find that all your words of rage linger on
When Shias no longer need you

She’s wahhabi, mujahadin,
She takes her timebomb, doesn’t feel she has to hurry
She no longer needs youth

And in her ISIS you see nothing
No sign of love behind taqiyyas
Jihad for no one
Taqiyya should have lasted years

You ranted, you kneed her
And yet you don’t believe her when she said her love is dead
You think she needs you

And in her ISIS you see nothing
No sign of love behind taqiyyas
Jihad for no one
Taqiyya should have lasted years

You call Hamas, she goes out
She says that long ago she knew Tsarnev but now he’s gone
She doesn’t need him

Day of Rage breaks, your mind aches
There will be times when all the things Shias said will fill your head
You won’t forget her

And in her ISIS you see nothing
No sign of love behind the fears
Fried for no one
A caliphate that should have lasted years.

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Fake News News Cycle

[Created and Submitted by Oppo (High Praise!)]

Washington Post: Anonymous Source Claims Molestation By Trump
AP: Sources: Second Unnamed Accuser Claims Molestation By Trump
NY Times: Media Reports of Molestation By Trump Multiply. Are There Others?
Time: What May Bring An Administration Down
Newsweek: Accusers Fear Backlash From Trump “Goons” And Lawyers
People: #MeToo – The Scandal Expands
USA Today: Can We Trust The President?
CNN: Team Trump On The Defensive: “No Credibility” To Revelations
NBC: A Presidency In Decline, Controversy
MSNBC: Behar: “We’re Back In The Bad Old Days of Sexual Exploitation”
ABC: Boobs, Zippers, and The Oval Office: America At A Crossroads
CBS: What They Said. Watch Us.

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Song Parody: Everyone Must Get Safe Zones (with apologies to Bob Dylan)

[Submitted by Oppo (High Praise!)]

Well, they’ll moan at ya when you’re trying to be so good
They’ll moan at ya just-a like Hollywood
They’ll moan at ya when you’re tryin’ to not be homo
Then they’ll moan at ya if yau put on Perry Como
But I would not feel so all alone
Everybody must get safe zones.

Well, they’ll moan at ya from their tent on Wall Street
They’ll moan at ya in your Senate seat
They’ll moan at ya with a speech from the Floor
They’ll moan at ya when you question Common Core
But I would not feel so half-grown
Everybody must get safe-zones.

They’ll moan at what ya eat at the table
They’ll moan at ya — especially on cable!
They’ll moan at ya when you’re tryin’ to make a buck
They’ll moan at ya and they’ll call you a cuck
Tell ya what, I would not feel so all alone
Everybody must get safe-zones.

Well, they’ll moan at you and say that it’s the end
Then they’ll moan that temps are rising again
They’ll moan at you if you’re riding in your car
They’ll moan at you if you vet folks from Qatar
Yes, but I would not feel so all alone
Everybody must get safe-zones.

Well, they’ll moan at you when you’re walkin’ on a pier
And they’ll free the armed illegal felons to your rear
They’ll moan until they get awards for being so brave
Moanin’ noon and night: no time to shave
But I would not feel so all alone
Everybody must get safe-zones.

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Promoted Comment: What CNN Said to Trump to Justify Their Fake News (An “A Few Good Men” Parody)

(Left by walruskkkch and nominated by Oppo [High Praise!]

You can’t handle the truth!

Trump, we live in a world where you want to build walls, and those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Who’s it gonna keep out? You? You Patriarchal Racist? We have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for the “truth”, and you curse CNN. You will no longer have that luxury. You will be woke, knowing only what we allow you to know – that Truth’s death, while tragic, will probably win Democrats votes; and our existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, will get them elected.

You may want the truth because deep down in places you talk about at your political parties, you want us to be fair – you want us to be impartial.

We use words like “Multicultural,” “diversity,” “Sexual Harassment.” We use these words as the backbone of a life spent deflecting our viewers from reality. You use them as a punch line.

We have neither the time nor the inclination to actually search for and report the “facts” and to those who rise and sleep under the blanket of lies we spew every day what we provide should never be questioned and certainly not the manner in which we provide it.

We would rather that you just said “thank you”, pay your too high taxes and went on your way. Otherwise, We suggest you don’t question what we say and just stop tweeting. Either way, We don’t give a DAMN what you think you’re entitled to!

[reference link]

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Coming to a Sunday Night Near You

(Submitted by walruskkkch [High Praise!])

Greg Gumbel: “Well folks the sun is out, the temperature is a pleasant 75 degrees and the grounds are in tip top shape. We should have some first rate Hypocrisy on display for us today. Trent?”

Trent Green: “Yes, Greg, things couldn’t be more Hypocritical than what we witnessed here in Pittsburgh today as coach Mike Tomlin offers some choice hypocrisy for us all. Let’s go to the video.”

Lone protester protests protesters protest. Media asks, “is he a white hispanic?”

Greg Gumbel: “Oh my! I haven’t a heard such a tin ear to an issue since Al Campanis talked about “black” managerial skills in the 80’s. Can you break it down for us?”

Trent Green: “Sure thing, Greg. Look at how Coach Tomlin makes the point that ‘…he was looking for “100 percent participation” in whatever course of action the team took during the national anthem.’ What? No room for personal conscience ala Colin Kaepernick? Evidently not, as Alejandro Villanueva, a former Army Ranger who served three tours in Afghanistan, was the only Steelers player to stand for the anthem. While in the tunnel, Villanueva stood, hand over his heart, while the rest of the team remained in the locker room in protest of President Trump’s comments that players who kneel during the national anthem should be fired. Bravo! Stand up for your beliefs! Protesting is beautiful! Protesting is patriotic and your duty! Well not for Coach Tomlin who re-emphasized his original remarks: ‘When asked by a reporter about Villanueva coming out for the anthem, Tomlin said, “Like I said, I was looking for 100 percent participation, we were gonna be respectful of our football team.” ‘ Whoa Nellie! Can’t a player put his hand over his heart in this man’s league anymore? The coach’s call for “100%” sure fell short but I guess once you let some protest in, you got to let all protest in. Right, Commissioner Goodell? Or maybe not, we have yet to hear from either the owner or the Commissioner on this breaking of team policy to be “a team” and “100% together”. ”

Greg Gumbel: “Shocking, but expected. As usual with the Left, your rights end when they go against what the Left wants.”

Trent Green: “Quite right, Greg, it does seem that the only principle the Left has is that only they can protest an issue by individual actions.”

Greg Gumbel: “Too true, too true. Well it’s the first and I am sure it won’t be the last, but the outright hypocrisy on this issue on display today in Pittsburgh is probably going to be hard to top although I expect that we are in for a long, long season of it here at the NFL.”

Trent Green: “You have to wonder though, if Hypocrisy happens and nobody is there to watch it is it really hypocritical?”

Greg Gumbel: “I guess we’ll find out. Now sit back and enjoy the show.”

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Americans With No Abilities Act

(Submitted by zzyzx [High Praise!])

WASHINGTON (AP) – The Democrats in the Senate are proposing sweeping legislation that will provide new benefits for many more Americans.

The Americans With No Abilities Act (ANAA) is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills and ambition.

While originally elected with no abilities, Senator Barbara Boxer (D-CA) has since developed the abilities to slow clap, raise taxes, and do a passable “Tootsie” impression.

“Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society,” said California Sen. Barbara Boxer. “We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability (POI) to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea of what they are doing.”

In a Capitol Hill press conference, Nancy Pelosi pointed to the success of the U.S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. At the state government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has an excellent record of hiring Persons with No Ability (63 percent).

Under the ANAA, more than 25 million mid-level positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.

Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote a significant number of POI into middle-management positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.

Finally, the ANAA contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the non-abled, banning, for example, discriminatory interview questions such as, “Do you have any skills or experience that relate to this job?”

“As a non-abled person, I can’t be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them,” said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, Mich., due to her inability to remember ‘righty tighty, lefty loosey’. “This new law should be real good for people like me. I’ll finally have job security.”

With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel. Said Sen. Dick Durbin, IL: “As a senator with no abilities, I believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to every American with no abilities. It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her inadequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation and a good salary for doing so.”

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Satire News Sites Sue ESPN Over Intellectual Property Infringement

From BasilsBlog.com:

ESPN reporter Robert Lee

ATLANTA (AP) — Several satirical news Websites have filed suit in federal court in Atlanta against ESPN alleging the sports network has infringed on their intellectual property. The suit comes days after ESPN announced that the network was removing reporter Robert Lee from the University of Virginia home game on September 2.

Kurt Mueller, COO of The Onion, said that the network’s actions are “a clear infringement of The Onion’s intellectual property. This should be an open and shut case. After all, when news of Mr. Lee’s reassignment was announced, social media exploded with questions asking if it was a post on The Onion.” The topic was trending on Facebook and Twitter.

The Onion was joined in the lawsuit by news satire Websites Weekly World News, Babylon Bee, DuffleBlog, and others. Paul Szoldra of DuffleBlog explained, “While we focus on satirical news from the military standpoint, an infringement against mainstream humor is an infringement against us all.”

Weekly World News spokesman Bat Boy said “The lawsuit speaks for itself.” Babylon Bee’s Adam Ford added, “Yeah, what he said.”

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The Insurance Shop Sketch

(With Apologies to Monty Python)

"If I don't buy your bloody insurance, the Ministry of Silly Walks will make me pay a fine"

If I don’t buy your bloody insurance, the Ministry of Silly Walks will make me pay a fine

Customer walks into the Henry Fortis’s Obamacare Exchange and walks past the bouzouki player.

Customer: Good Morning.

Fortis: Good morning, Sir. Welcome to the National Healthcare Emporium!

Customer: Ah, thank you, my good man.

Fortis: What can I do for you, Sir?

Customer: Well, I was sitting in the public library on K Street just now, skimming through “It Takes a Village” by Hillary Clinton, and I suddenly felt my pre-existing condition flare up.

Fortis: Pre-existing condition, sir?

Customer: Ulcer.

Fortis: Eh?

Customer: Someone needs to pay for my Nexium!

Fortis: Ah, Nexium!

Customer: In a nutshell. And I thought to myself, “a little quasi-single-payer coverage will do the trick,” so, I curtailed my Clintonizing activities, sallied forth, and infiltrated your place of purveyance to negotiate the vending of some risk-mitigating contractuals!

Fortis: Come again?

Customer: I want to buy some health insurance.

Fortis: Oh, I thought you were complaining about the bouzouki player!

Customer: Oh, heaven forbid: I am one who delights in all manifestations of the Terpsichorean muse!

Fortis: Sorry?

Customer: Ah don’t feel no ways tahrd of it!

Fortis: So he can go on playing, can he?

Customer: Most certainly! Now then, some insurance please, my good man.

Continue reading ‘The Insurance Shop Sketch’ »

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