If you’re following the health care debate, the CBO (I don’t know who they are) estimate that Obama’s bill will cost $940 billion over the next ten years which somehow saves us money ($100 billion over ten years, though Obama can easily fritter that away in a month). I don’t get government math. I had my own plan which involved shutting down all the government and exiling all of its employees to Antarctica, but the CBO told me that would actually increase the cost of government. The CBO also told me that if I gave them ten dollars, it would be like I was saving twenty. I didn’t understand that, and when I gave then ten dollars they just ran off giggling.

UPDATE:

Ed Morrisey and Allahpundit has a good explanation of how the numbers were fudged in this post. To make the 10 year estimate trillions less, they just wait four years to actually implement anything (only $17 billion of the estimated $940 billion is spent the first four years). So the cost is really $927 billion over six years, with those last four missing years being the greatest cost.

Fred Thompson gave me a little shout-out and read my email on his Thursday show (about the 1hr 10min mark).

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[Transcript for the audio impaired]

Our friend Harvey tells us that Ford surpassed government-owned General Motors in sales for the first time in 50 years. He says “I got an idea… scrap Obamacare and let Ford take over the healthcare system.”

13 “Republican” Senators apparently failed to get the message of Scott Brown’s election, and voted for Harry Reid’s stupid-ass $15 billion “jobs” bill.

Including Scott @#$%ing Brown.

And these punch-bowl turds wonder why the Tea Party is declaring independence from them.

Here’s a clue, GOPers, tattoo it on your voting arm:

Any bill that does not reduce either taxes, spending, or regulation shall not be passed, but taken out behind the Capitol building, peppered with birdshot until it is unreadable, urinated upon by rabid dogs, and used to stuff the mattresses of Gitmo detainees.

Learn it, live it, love it.

Reading about the battle between Montana and the ATF, an idea came to mind.

Let’s propose an amendment to the Constitution:

“The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the states, are reserved to the states respectively, or to the people.”

How many Democrats, RINOs, newscasters, liberal bloggers, Constitutional scholars, U.S. presidents, etc, would recognize it for what it is.

And how many would criticize it as dangerous? Or racist? Or something.

While I disagree with the president, I am still an American. And I have a duty to my country to help in any way I can.

One of the president’s biggest problems — as Obama sees it — is the prison at Guantanamo Bay (GTMO). And he is right about this: GTMO is a public relations issue for the U.S. Of course, he is one of the ones that made it a PR issue. But, the fact remains, it is an issue.

He wants to close GTMO, but he has no clue on what to do about the detainees there.

The president needs help.

And I’m here to help.

Putting our differences aside, I have the solution to the GTMO “problem.”

Let’s simply announce we’ve released everybody from GTMO — released them back in the countries where we found them. We don’t actually release anyone; just say we did.

It’s not like Obama is above telling a little White Lie. Or, in his case, a Half-White Lie. Since he’ll lie to the American people, he should have no problem lying to non-Americans, like the French, the Iranians, the Iraqi, the Canadians, the Germans, the MSNBC news anchors… We just tell them all that we have released the detainees, and we don’t know, or care, what happened to them after that.

The next thing to do is wait a week while they go all ga-ga over the “release” — then we announce that we’ve expanded the Air Force Flight Test Center (Detachment 3) research facility at Groom Lake (you might know it as “Groom Lake” or “Area 51″) and have converted the facility at GTMO to military research.

Again, that would be only a Half-White Lie, since we would be researching. Only we’d be researching terrorists. With water.

Groom Lake is very secure because of the nature of the testing that occurs there. You can’t just go there. Reporters can’t just go there. Don’t believe me? Try it.

And here’s the best part: tell Joe Biden that the research being done there is related to the aliens that crashed at Roswell. He can’t keep his mouth shut, so he’ll start that rumor. And the people that support Obama are the same kind of people that believe aliens crashed at Roswell, so it would fit their preconceived notions. Everything will take care of itself.

There you are, Mr. President. You have your solution to your GTMO “problem.”

• The facility continues functioning as-is
• The research and alien cover story explains why no one can go there to verify anything

Oh, and Mr. President? You’re welcome.

Anne Lamott, liberal author and activist, had an article in the L.A. Times yesterday that told about her getting a monkey caught in her hair. Really. (Tip: Ann Althouse)

I’m doing fairly well for a grandmother who had a monkey tangled up in her hair last month on a ghat in Varanasi at sunset. Back home again now, I can report that in the midst of the zap that is India, with its heartbreaking, gorgeous, hallucinatory, dazzling, kaleidoscopic, mind-blowing grandeur and loud reality — a place where having a monkey’s hand trapped in your dreadlocks is pretty par for the course — I came to three decisions about my own country.

Told you. She had a monkey caught in her hair.

Oh, her three decisions?

1. Keep her “humor and good nature”
2. Forgive John Edwards
3. Trust Obama

Okay, the first two could just as easily be accomplished by converting to Christianity. You don’t need a monkey for that. I’ve checked.

The third? Trusting Obama? Apparently you need a monkey for that.

I can’t say that, though, because I’m a conservative. It would be racist to use “monkey” and “Obama” in the same essay, much less the same sentence. However, if I was some dreadlock-wearing 50-something from San Francisco, I could get away with it.

But I’d have to worry about getting monkeys in my hair.

Barely in time for the Big Speech

SOTU Bingo Cards.

I notice the word “terrorists” isn’t on there.

UPDATE: He said “terrorists”! Everybody chug!

UPDATE: Ok, you have to drink every time Pelosi licks her lips.

I swear, there was less tongue-flicking in “Snakes on a Plane”.

There have been news reports recently of letters to the editor in many newspapers all across the nation … signed by Ellie Light.

All claimed to be local, meaning that either Ellie Light had homes in over a dozen states, or there are lots of people named Ellie Light, and they all think — and write — exactly alike.

“Astroturfing” was the suspicion. “Sock puppets” was the charge.

As it turns out, we have located Ellie Light. And there are many Ellie Lights. Here’s a transcript of our exclusive interview:

Thank you, Ellie, for taking the time to talk with us.

It’s my pleasure.

There have been charges that you are actually a front for members of the Obama administration. What do you say to that?

That’s ridiculous! I am a red-blooded American male, uh, woman, who loves his country and supports the greatest, smartest, bestest person ever elected to the presidency, Barack J. Obama.

You mean Barack Hussein Obama?

Racist!

Um, hmmm, ah. Well, Ellie, how do you explain that you’ve signed letters claiming to live in different cities across America?

I have no idea what you’re talking about. I live in Cleveland, and have always lived in Cleveland. I don’t know anything about anyone named Ellie Light in Philadelphia.

I didn’t say anything about Philadelphia.

Yes you did. But I didn’t write that.

Then who did?

I did.

Who are you?

I’m Ellie Light. I live in Philadelphia. Have my whole life. And I support Barack Obama. He’s so smart, sexy, and manly — and he’s such a great president!

So, there are two of you named Ellie Light?

More than two.

Who are you?

I’m Ellie Light. I live in Baltimore.

Just how many of you are there?

How many do you need?

President Obama told retiring Democrat Congressman Marion Berry, that the difference between the political situations in 1994 and 2010 was “you’ve got me”.

Is he serious? Both years featured first-term, promise-breaking, tax & spend liberal presidents in the midst of over-reaching on health care legislation.

Heck, Obama’s just one chubby intern away from BEING Bill Clinton.

Ya know, I’m sick of right-wingers telling the Democrats the lessons they should learn from the Massachusetts election.

And I’ll tell you why.

I got an email from MoveOn.org and it lays out the CORRECT strategy for the left:

The first step is to ignore the talking heads and pass a strong health care reform bill that would force big insurers to compete with a public health insurance option—even if that means they have to use the special reconciliation process to pass legislation without 60 votes in the Senate.

And then to win in November, Democrats need to show they’re serious about restarting the economy by creating millions of new jobs—and crack down on the Wall Street banks that got us into this mess with tough new rules to stop their predatory behavior.

Voters need to see Democrats fighting for them. It won’t be easy, and it will mean ignoring the corporate lobbyists who represent banks, insurance companies, and Big Oil. But that’s the point.

Why change a successful strategy?

Yeah, the Dems lost this round, but anyone who’s ever gambled knows that when you lose, the only way to get your money back is to double down. Again and again if necessary. For as long as it takes to get out of the hole.

And when you’re in a hole, you don’t stop digging, you just need to start digging UP.

Democrats need to keep pushing for health care. Get the bill passed. Say what they have to. Do what they have to. Forget ethics, laws, the Constitution – EVERYTHING! All that matters is this one big win. If they cut their losses, then they keep their losses, which makes them LOSERS!

The Democrat Party *I* know isn’t made up of losers. It’s made up of principled politicians who know what it takes to win for the people who vote for them.

And after health care, it’s time to push-push-PUSH for MoveOn.org’s 3-step economic plan:

1) Tax and regulate the crap out of big businesses like banks, insurance and oil.
2) ???
3) Millions of new jobs!

If the Democrats follow MoveOn.org’s advice, I guarantee that they will have done everything possible to ensure that, come November, the American people will send the right people to Congress.

Keep up the good work, my left-wing comrades.

Oh, and for heaven’s sake, get Obama to fire that linguini-spined Pillsbury Dough Boy press secretary and get someone with the courage of his convictions. Like Olbermann. The plan outlined above would work a lot better if Olbermann were given a lot more airtime to weave the delicate tapestry of his subtle, yet somehow lyrical, liguistic stylings:

“I wanted to apologize for calling Senator-elect Scott Brown an irresponsible, homophobic, racist, reactionary, ex-nude model, teabagging supporter of violence against women, and against politicians with whom he disagrees. I am sorry. I left out the word ’sexist’.”

With Keith as the face of the Democrat Party, elections would become so one-sided that it’d barely even be worth holding them, and I really think that’s worth fighting for.

Don’t you?

While I’m not a big fan of the AJC’s Mike Luckovich, every so often, he catches my eye. Here’s today’s cartoon.

[Reference link]

… as explained by a scene from “Cool Hand Luke”, with George Kennedy as Scott Brown, and Paul Newman as Obama’s health care bill:

[YouTube direct link]

Rev. Right of America is an Obamanation! speculates that Martha Coakley’s campaign strategist might be trying to throw the election.

Good an explanation as any, I suppose. It’s starting to look like she’s really in trouble.

About the only way she could get the people of Massachusetts to elect her Senator now is to drive an Olds off a bridge and leave a campaign worker to die.

Remember when Eric Holder said that putting KSM on trial in New York wouldn’t create a media circus?

Rev. Right of America is an Obamanation respectfully disagrees.

Ok, NOT so respectfully. Go look at the funny picture.

As an American, I feel that the major political parties should be representative of America.

And that’s the problem with the Republican party. As anyone on the left, or in the traditional media, will tell you, the GOP is the party of old white men.

And they’re right. Just look at these prominent Republicans.

Let’s start with Republican Party chairman Michael Steele:

Old White Man

Look at the two GOP politicians that have ignite the most passion in Republican followers. First, former Alaska governor Sarah Palin:

Old White Man

Next, Minnesota 6th District Representative Michele Bachmann:

Old White Man

And, it’s not just the party politicians, it’s those in the media. Take a look at two of the major Republican pundits that appear most on news shows.

First, Michelle Malkin:

Old White Man

Then, there’s Ann Coulter:

Old White Man

It’s old white men like these that are holding the Republican party back. Until the GOP takes actions to make itself more diverse, they’ll never be taken seriously again.

UPDATE:
More Old White Men, as suggested by others…

IMAO commenter Jimmy suggests:

Conservative Christian entertainer AlfonZo Rachel (Zo)

Old White Man

Author and talk show host Laura Ingraham

Old White Man

Louisiana governor Bobby Jindal

Old White Man

IMAO commenter Alice H suggests:

Alaska Senator Lisa Murkowski

Old White Man

Communications strategist Dana Perino

Old White Man

IMAO commenter Dohtimes suggests:

Talk show host Dana Loesch

Old White Man

IMAO commenter shiggz suggests:

Actress Patricia Heaton

Old White Man

UPDATE II

Harvey suggests:

Former Secretary of State Dr. Condoleezza Rice

Old White Man

Stanford University Hoover Institution Senior Fellow Dr. Thomas Sowell

Old White Man

Supreme Court Associate Justice Clarence Thomas

Old White Man

George Mason University Professor of Economics Dr. Walter Williams

Old White Man

Malaise in America:

Hostages in Iran:

Lust in his heart:

Rabbit attacks:

Anyone else see what I see?:

[Horrifying image via AfterMath, home of many excellent conservative photoshopped images]

Part of me is offended that they’re taking a shot at Fox News.

Part of me is just too damn amused by “Squidface Pelosipants” to care.

If we’re making the Blobfish the Official Fish of IMAO, shouldn’t we make Harry Reid the Official Dirtbag Socialist Senate Majority Leader of IMAO?:

Or are we not basing this on frowning ability and eye-beadiness?

Headline:

Clinton wishes he had left White House “in a coffin”

Apologies for not getting this out in time for the holiday, but Rev. Right of America is an Obamanation has a Halloween film festival going on at his place that horror fans ought not to miss.

Here’s one of several spooky cinematic sensations to whet your appetite:

Somebody thought this illustration would be a great way to stick it to the man:

All I can say is that if we can’t have dinosaurs with laser cannons, I’d gladly settle for elephants with devil horns and missile launchers.

Which, by the way, was part of Dick Cheney’s original plan for Afghanistan.

UPDATE 8:45 PM – Super-secret spy photo of the Cheney Plan in action from confidential undercover informant Code Name “Michael”:

“Republican” Senator Lindsey Graham of South Carolina says that the GOP will not be “the party of the angry white guys.”

As an angry white guy, I feel both hurt and disenfranchised.

So, to challenge this Republican exclusionaryismness, I say we form the Angry White Guy Party.

Now, I know that no third party has actually done squat since the Republicans took out the Whigs in 1856, but I think that if we got a few celebrities on board, we might stand a chance. Here’s my list of potential candidates:

---

Jack Bauer

Campaign slogan: “I have killed two people since midnight, I haven’t slept in over 24 hours. So maybe… maybe you should be a little more afraid of me than you are right now.”

Snake Plissken

Campaign slogan: “When I get back, I’m going to kill you.”

Master Chief

Campaign slogan: “I was gonna shoot my way out. Mix things up a little.”

Martin Riggs

Campaign slogan: “You think I’m crazy? You call me crazy, you think I’m crazy? You wanna see crazy?”

John McClane

Campaign slogan: “Yippee-ki-yay”

Indiana Jones

Campaign slogan: “Never bring a knife to a gunfight.”

John Rambo

Campaign slogan: “Nothing is over!”

James Braddock

Campaign slogan: “You really didn’t think I’d leave… without making sure you were dead?”

Harry Callahan

Campaign slogan: “You’ve got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?”

Duke Nukem

Campaign slogan: “It’s time to kick ass and chew bubble gum… and I’m all outta gum.”

Xander Cage

Campaign slogan: “Have you ever been punched in the face for talking too much?”

Chris

Campaign slogan: “It’s ok, MSNBC says I’m white”

---

Anyone else we should try to get involved? Please include a campaign slogan, if possible.

Six people arrested Tuesday evening in a small protest of Chicago’s bid for the 2016 Games were charged with mob action Wednesday.

The five men and one woman interrupted crews that were attempting to hang an Olympic laurel from the Picasso statue in Daley Plaza by dragging the Olympic banner and tossing it into the “eternal flame,” authorities said.

Apparently their protest was more effective than I would have expected.

UPDATE 9:30PM – High praise! to commenter George Guy of The Prophet of Neofederalism for proving Obama is NOT like Hitler:

Hitler was able to bring the Olympics to Berlin.

Anyone remember back when Bill Clinton said, “The era of big government is over“?

Never thought I’d miss him, but at least he had the political savvy to bend with the polls.

Right now, I’d gladly trade czars for cigars.