Mitt Romney has wrapped it up. He won Florida yesterday, and that means there’s no chance for anyone else in the GOP race.

Newt Gingrich supporters? Hate to break it to you, but it’s time to pack it in.

Rick Santorum followers? The writing’s on the wall.

Ron Paul supporters? The nurse will be by shortly with your medications. And a fresh supply of tin foil.

The 2012 Republican primary season is done. There’s no way anyone can catch Mitt Romney. Just look:

Graph from The New York Times

See?

After the big win in Florida, Mitt Romney has 71 delegates. He only needs … let’s see, 1,144 to win, minus 71 already won, leaves 1,073 … Oh. My. Goodness. He only needs 1,073 more delegates to win.

Let’s look at the upcoming primary calendar, do the math, and see where things stand.

If Romney wins every delegate in every race, he would surpass the magic number of 1,144 as early as April 3.

What about Gingrich? If he were to somehow win every delegate in every state from here on out, he wouldn’t reach 1,144 until April 3.

Rick Santorum? Heck, if he won every delegate in every upcoming race, he wouldn’t hit 1,144 until April 3.

Ron Paul? Well, if he went on a winning streak and won every delegate in every primary and caucus, he wouldn’t pass 1,144 until April 3.

So, there you have it.

Romney can mathematically wrap this thing up in just over two months, on April 3, 2012. That’s a done deal.

Meanwhile, none of the the other three could lock it up until April 3, 2012. And that’s an impossible task.

Hey, don’t get angry with me. Numbers don’t lie.

Newscasters and party establishment will, but numbers won’t.

[Direct link: Chuck Assay]

I used to work in Jacksonville. Them folks don’t like other folks coming to town to tell them to sit down and shut up. If the crowd is actually people from Jacksonville, I expect they’ll cheer, boo, or whatever, if they feel like it. If they are a bunch of transplants or college kids, they’ll follow meekly along.

Florida isn’t a southern state, except by accident of geography. Jacksonville, though, is a southern city. Or it was last time I was there.

So, are you going to watch the debate tonight?

“I think Barack Obama is very destructive to the future of the United States. I think Ron Paul’s views are totally outside the mainstream of virtually every decent American,” Gingrich said Tuesday in a CNN interview with Wolf Blitzer.

Could he vote for Paul? “No.” If it came down to Paul vs. Obama? “You’d have a very hard choice at that point.”

Newt and Frank J. sound more and more alike:

So, if it were between Obama and Ron Paul, who would you vote for? I’m leaning Obama there; he’s a known entity and can at least be bullied into doing what’s right. Ron Paul would just stand back while nukes are launched at us and say, “We had this coming for abandoning the gold standard!”

Then there’s Mitt Romney, who seems to be every conservative’s last or next-to-last choice. He compared Newt Gingrich to the I Love Lucy “Chocolate Factory” sketch:

Appearing in Portsmouth, Romney noted a statement that Gingrich’s campaign director compared the former House speaker’s recent inability to qualify for the Virginia ballot as a setback comparable to Pearl Harbor from which the campaign would recover.

“I think he compared that to Pearl Harbor? I think it’s more like Lucille Ball at the chocolate factory,” Romney said in reference to the famous I Love Lucy skit in which the comedienne was overwhelmed by a rapid assembly line of candies. “You’ve got to get it organized.”

That was a good line. Let’s look at Lucy in the Chocolate Factory:

[Direct link]

That’s funny stuff. But, you know what? I still think Lucy and Ethel would do a better job than Obama and Biden.

Ricardo/Mertz 2012!

• Michele Bachmann
• Newt Gingrich
• Jon Huntsman
• Ron Paul
• Rick Perry
• Mitt Romney
• Rick Santorum

Oh, wait. There are actually 15 left. We forgot about these:

• Gary Johnson
• Fred Karger
• Andy Martin
• Jimmy McMillan
• Tom Miller
• Buddy Roemer
• Matt Snyder
• Vern Wuensche

Why aren’t they getting in the debates? Because they have no shot?

Isn’t that what was said about Herman Cain, who was the frontrunner for a while?

Isn’t that what was said about Newt Gingrich, current frontrunner, when most of his campaign staff deserted him this past summer?

Isn’t that what Ron Paul supporters say about every other candidate?

Isn’t that what every other candidate’s supporters say about Ron Paul?

This is where Donald Trump screwed up. When most of the big names declined to show, he canceled. He should have invited the lesser-known candidates to show up. Who knows? We might be seeing Jimmy McMillan or Vern Muensche leading in Iowa.

We need to have a debate where all the candidates show up. That would be interesting. Imagine hearing this exchange:

Chris Wallace: Mr. McMillan, how would you handle the threat of a nuclear Iran?

Jimmy McMillan: The rent is too damn high! I say it again, the rent is too damn high!

Gary Johnson: Let me add, Chris, that the war on drugs has caused the rent to rise.

Buddy Roemer: The high rent favors the 1%.

Chris Wallace: Can I just go back to asking questions of Newt and Mitt? Please?

That would be fun. But perhaps I’m being unfair to Chris Wallace.

Plus, we could actually have Obama there in a dunking booth. Whenever there’s a question about Obama, the participant can either answer the question, or get a ball to throw at the plunger, trying to dunk Obama in a tank. With sharks. With frikkin’ laser beams.

We would be glad to sponsor such a debate, as long as someone else will pay for it, but still put our name on it. Here’s what we need: a venue, a moderator, and a panel.

So, what ideas have you to make the debates more fun?

I don’t have cable. I watch all my TV over the Internet. That’s how the cool kids do it, anyway.

Not having cable means no Fox News Channel. Sure, there’s a Website or something I can go to, but not having a channel already set up on the Roku makes it easy to decide to just skip the debate.

Besides, there’s always the Twitterz.

The Twitter feeds are always much more fun than watching a bunch of politicians stand around and make smart statements (Newt Gingrich & Mitt Romney) or stupid statements (RONPAUL!!!1!!). Besides, I’ve already picked out who I’m voting for: Not Obama.

Maybe I should go through the trouble of watching the debates. After all, one of those men will be the next president. Okay, I shouldn’t eliminate Michele Bachmann from that. Unless I want to be realistic. And I do. So, one of those men will be the next president.

Ron Paul (RONPAUL!!!1!!1!!) said something stupid. He also said some smart things. And, I’m sure, some of his idiot supporters will stop by here and tell me all about the smart things Ron Paul (RONPAUL!!!1!!11!) said, or why the stupid things Ron Paul (RONPAUL!!!1!!11!) said are really smart and I’m a corporate tool or something. Oh, and FEDERALRESERVE!!!1!!

Newt stepped in it early on, but got better, and by the end of the debate, was rolling along.

Romney said some good things early on, then said some stupid stuff, and had leveled off by the end of the debate.

Rick Perry showed a bit of a sense of humor, said some okay stuff and some not okay stuff.

Huntsman was there. Or Gary Johnson. One of them. I’m not sure which. I don’t think anyone else was sure, either.

Rick Santorum was there. I think he brought the bean dip.

I mentioned Michele Bachmann. She lit into Gingrich a few times. He didn’t unhinge his jaw and devour her, but thought about it.

The Fox News moderators asked some good questions at times, but were trying to prod the candidates into fighting each other for much of the time.

If you watched the debate, let me know if I didn’t sum it up accurately. Because, as I mentioned, I didn’t watch the debate. I didn’t have to. The accuracy of my summary shows that.

Now, does this mean the debates are useless? No, not at all. It’s a good way to get smart people and raving lunatics in the same room and watch the fun. Like a reality show.

I’m thinking if we can do this every week and ask Ron Paul a bunch of foreign policy questions, he’ll eventually get an Emmy for Outstanding Comedy. Maybe that will be a good consolation prize, and he’ll let one of the candidates with some smarts run for president.

Anyway, I didn’t go through the trouble of launching a browser on my TV setup and watching the debate. I have a large supply of Mystery Science Theater 3000 DVDs to go through, so I did something productive with my time.

Maybe I’ll watch the next debate.

Nah. I have Joel and the ‘Bots watching Manos. Told you I was one of the cool kids.

Anyway, I had thrown my support behind Cain some time back. I was at his campaign kickoff in Atlanta back in May. And, while I didn’t like the “bad boy” stuff that came up recently, politically, he was one of the candidates who was most like me politically.

Now, I have to find another candidate. And a new sticker for my car.

I think I have my new candidate picked out. But, I expect an onslaught of RONPAUL!!!1!!! supporters, telling me how AWESOEM!!!1! he is. Because that’s what they do.

Some of them sit in their parents’ basements — sort of like the Occupy crowd, except, some of the Paulnuts actually do have jobs, so, they’re a step above the Occupiers. Anyway, they’ll be trolling the internets, looking for Websites that mention the Good Doctor, and bombard it with comments.

They also look for Websites that talk about other things, and bombard them with comments, too. Like articles about buying baby cribs or sprucing up your Christmas tree. Seriously, you can find RONPAUL!!!1!!! comments all over the place and way off topic. Plus, they can’t spell worth a darn. And they capitalize all the wrong words.

They have dropped off recently, but with a bunch of aimless Herman Cain supporters out there, look for them to take up the task of proselytizing for the Church of Ron Paul.

Currently leading the pack is Atlanta businessman Herman Cain. He’s the guy who has no chance whatsoever, despite leading the polls. Some people don’t like him because he has no experience in politics, except for losing a Senate race (2nd in a 3-man primary). He’s too conservative for moderates. He’s too black (color) for some liberals and not black (racial stereotype) enough for other liberals. And he has too much testosterone for Sarah Palin or Michele Bachmann fans. He’s trending up.

Then there’s Mitt Romney, who everybody hates and the media and GOP establishment has declared the frontrunner, even though he currently polls in second place. Front-runner must not mean what I thought it meant. He’s too liberal for anyone who’s not a liberal. He’s trending neither up nor down.

Rick Perry was the great hope before he ran. Once he declared he was running, suddenly nobody liked him any more. His being a former Democrat hurts him with conservatives. Supporting some benefits for illegals hurts him too. After briefly leading the polls, he’s now third or fourth, depending on the poll. But he’s trending down.

There’s Newt Gingrich, who was written off months ago but is in 3rd or 4th place, depending on the poll, and trending up. He lead the conservative takeover of Congress back in the Clinton years, but committed the unforgivable sins of sitting on a couch with Nancy Pelosi and supporting a RINO over a TEA Party candidate in New York in 2010. Plus, he pisses people off by being smarter than them. I can relate.

Then there’s Ron Paul, who’s been nuts for years and keeps getting nuts following him. Including two children that share my DNA. Kids. What are you gonna do? Anyway, Ron Paul has really crazy followers who either take too much drugs or not enough medication. He’s got like 3 really good ideas and 800 really nutty ones. His followers focus on the 3 good ones when they argue, then slip up and tell you how evil Jews are and how the Twin Towers were blown up by George Bush. Like I said, crazy. He’s trending up.

Michele Bachmann is trending down. She’s like the hot chick you wanted to date, then while sitting in the restaurant, you realize that she talks to the silverware. She’s still hot, but you keep thinking she’s going to go all Glenn Close on you and you’ll find your rabbit in the kitchen.

Jon Huntsman is still hanging around because some libertarians — and a bunch of liberaltarians — like him. Probably because he thinks pot should be given out instead of condoms. Or something. I was never quite sure what he was saying. Philosophically, he’s what you get if you cross Ron Paul and Mitt Romney. Now, go get that image out of your head.

Sarah Palin and Chris Christie aren’t running this year, though they still have fans thinking they will.

Now, despite the things I listed about the candidates that different people don’t like, there are groups that like each of these candidates, and like them a lot. Way too much, for some.

There are some Ron Paul or Rick Perry or Sarah Palin or Michele Bachman fans that say they won’t vote for anyone but their candidate. They focus on the things about the candidates that they don’t like (can you count to 999?) and say how unqualified that makes that candidate.

“I’ll never vote for Newt Gingrich!” or “If they nominate Herman Cain, I won’t vote” or “RONPAUL!!!1!!!” or the like.

Honestly, there are things about each candidate that I don’t like. Been that way since the 1976 election, the first where I was old enough to vote.

There are some candidates I really like (though, like I said, not everything they say), some I like okay, and some that I really don’t like. But, come November 2012, I’m going to vote.

Over the last several months, and again Thursday, someone said to me that if the election came down to a certain candidate (rhymes with Sherman Payne) against Obama, he wouldn’t vote. Others have said something similar in the past.

I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t not vote.

You see, if we end up with a candidate that we don’t really like — I won’t name names, but say his name rhymes with Ritt Momney — I still can’t sit the election out.

Think about it. Who will vote for those candidates? People that really like them. What kind of people would really like Barack Obama or some polarizing Republican? You already think the people that support those candidates are nuts. Well, yeah, they might be. And they’ll vote.

I may have two crazy candidates from which to choose, but I would rather choose than let a bunch of crazies choose between the crazies. I’ll vote for the least worst, and I’m responsible if that candidate wins. Plus, I’ll know I did everything I could to prevent the most worst candidate from winning.

I can’t not vote. I may not like the final choices, but I’m not going to go off crying like a little tittie baby who got his toy took from him.

I can deal with it.

When I challenged them with, “Didn’t he say he’d do that?” the usual response was, “Well, I didn’t think he would.”

I don’t want to be that guy. But, I’m thinking I may turn out to be that guy.

I’m supporting Herman Cain. The parallel with Barack Obama should be obvious.

No, not the black thing. Cain grew up black, Obama was raised by a bunch of crazy white folk. If elected, Cain would be America’s first black president.

No, what I’m talking about is: 9-9-9.

I like a lot of things about Herman Cain, but I don’t like the 9-9-9 plan.

On the face of it, that seems odd, since that’s all you hear about Cain.

The two biggest things I like about Cain are:

• He’s a successful businessman, and we need someone in the White House that understands business. Without that, the economy will, well, do what it’s doing today.
• He’s a conservative. That means that, when situations arise, I’ll more than likely be satisfied with how he handles it.

Those two items are the most important thing about Cain. When compared to the other candidates, he’s strongest on these two qualifications. And that’s enough for me.

But, what I don’t like is the 9-9-9 plan. Or the 9 part. No, that 9. The other one. No, that that one. The other one. Yes, that one. The national sales tax.

Here’s the plan:

• Business Flat Tax – 9%
  • Gross income less all investments, all purchases from other businesses and all dividends paid to shareholders.
  • Empowerment Zones will offer additional deductions for payroll employed in the zone.
• Individual Flat Tax – 9%.
  • Gross income less charitable deductions.
  • Empowerment Zones will offer additional deductions for those living and/or working in the zone.
• National Sales Tax – 9%.
  • This gets the Fair Tax off the sidelines and into the game.

Flat tax rates for business and individuals is a good thing. If you make twice the money, you pay twice the taxes. It’s that national sales tax that I don’t like.

Opening up one more way for the government to get our money? That’s a no-go. You start a new tax, you’ll never get rid of it. It took over 100 years for the government to stop billing you for the Spanish-American War.

The saving grace is, a national sales tax may be unconstitutional. If there will be a tax on everything sold, what about land? If you sell property, does the national sales tax apply? If so, it could run into the same problems brought up in Pollock v. Farmers’ Loan & Trust Co., which ruled that income tax was unconstitutional, and was the impetus for the 16 Amendment to the Constitution. A national sales tax may require another amendment. And I don’t want another amendment; every time somebody touches the Constitution, they screw things up. Well, not every time, but in the last 100 years. We don’t need another 18th Amendment fiasco, for instance.

The thing most people know about Herman Cain, 9-9-9 plan, is just about the only thing I don’t like about his platform. I do want tax reform; I just don’t like the national sales tax portion of that plan.

I still support Cain for president. I hope he wins. But, when it comes time to implement 9-9-9, I hope he fails.

My Internet devices I use to receive TV content — Windows 7 Media Center, Roku, Apple TV, Xbox — none of them had last night’s debate.

I wanted to watch the debate, so I feel like I missed something. Except I’ve already picked a candidate, so I wouldn’t be watching to change my mind. I’d be watching to see who’s going to drop out next.

So, I missed out on what all happened. Reports about who “won” the debate depends on who the person telling me who won was supporting before the debate. In other words, everyone’s candidate won. But, since I didn’t see it, I can’t call BS on what people are telling me.

What all this means is I need someone I trust telling me who won, and why. That’s where you come in.

Do you know anyone I can trust? Send them here to tell me who won the debate.

Now, to be honest, they didn’t actually say they were planning on letting Obama win. But what they did say … well, the effect of it will be to let Obama win.

And, here’s the thing: some of you are planning on letting Obama win, too. You say you don’t, but that’s what you’re going to do.

Some have decided that “there’s no way in hell” they’d ever vote for Mitt Romney. Or Herman Cain. Or Sarah Palin. Or Jon Huntsman. Or Michele Bachmann. Or RONPAUL!!!1!! Or Newt Gingrich. Or Gary Johnson. Or Tim Pawlenty. Or Rick Santorum. Or … okay, I’ve made my point: some have said they’d vote 3rd party before they’d vote for a particular candidate.

Why? Because that particular candidate is nuts (think RONPAUL!!!1!! or Gary Johnson) or is way too inexperienced (Cain, Bachmann) or not a real conservative (Newt, Romney) or boring (Pawlenty, Huntsman) some undefined reason (Palin, Santorum) or something (pick ‘em).

You want examples? You’ll probably see them in the comments of this post by the very ones I’m talking about. And, if you look back at comments on earlier posts, you’ll see a lot of what I’m talking about.

This happened in 2008. I was all gung-ho for Fred Thompson while a friend of mine was all about Huckabee. (Remember, this was 2008.) As the GOP race narrowed, he was complaining about Romney and McCain, saying he’d never vote for either. And, of course, McCain ended up winning the nomination. And losing the election.

So, if you’re one of those that will never vote for MItt Romney/Herman Cain/Sarah Palin/Jon Huntsman/Michele Bachman/RONPAUL!!!1!!/Newt Gingrich/Gary Johnson/Tim Pawlenty/Rick Santorum … and if you hold to it … then Obama wins.

And America loses.

Sure, go ahead. Give me all your excuses.

I’m not going to let the GOP nominate just anybody and automatically get my vote. I’m going to send a message.

What message is that? “I’d rather America go to hell than vote for someone I can’t stand?” That message?

Don’t misunderstand me. You should send the GOP a message. It’s just that the timing is all wrong. November 2012 is not the time to send a message to the GOP. The time is now.

Let me say that again: now.

Get involved. Support the candidate you like. Do get involved. Let the Republicans know that, they way they’ve been doing things, you’re mad as hell and not going to take it anymore. And keep at it.

If, after all that, they still end up nominating another John McCain, I don’t see that I have any choice but to vote for the 2012 version of John McCain. But I’m going to give ‘em hell about it.

Because, as bad as I’d hate voting for a candidate I don’t like, I’d hate letting Obama win even more.

It’s called making the hard choices. You’ll learn about that when you grow up.

Your post [on the Hillary-as-superhero comic book] got me to thinking. Do liberals start trolling sites like IMAO only to get distracted by satire that they think are acutally wonderful ideas? And can we use that to our advantage?

I say yes, and maybe.

Here are some things I’ve suggested in Newsish Fakery posts that liberals might think are good ideas:

* Denounce those calling Obama a liar as being bigoted against Deception-Americans.

* Negotiate with wildfires instead of fighting them.

* Declare the Constitution “hate speech“.

* Apologize for the Declaration of Independence.

* Return the Louisiana Purchase for a refund.

* Have the US declare bankruptcy.

* Blow up Los Angeles to atone for using waterboarding-obtained information to thwart a terrorist plot to do so.

* Tea control laws to prevent right-wing activists from using tea bags in protests.

* Battery-powered “green” military vehicles.

* Cap & Trade program for political dissent.

* Banning guns that are too pretty.

* Not-for-profit banking.

* Bailouts for the Obama merchandise industry.

My first thought is put it on DNC letterhead, title it “Proposed 2012 Democrat Party Platform” and send it to Debbie Wasserman Shultz, who’ll think it’s real (I mean, honestly, she’s… just not very bright). Then the platform gets adopted, Obama runs on it, and BOOM! – GOP landslide.

My second thought is to ask you guys how YOU think we could use this to our advantage.

So… let’s hear it, folks…

I noticed that Anthony Weiner, in some photographs, bears an amazing resemblance to ostriches, emus, and cassowaries.

He’s got a point:

Is he right?

And is Weiner the only critter-like critter in Congress? What other critters to other members of Congress look like?

Seriously.

He was largely responsible for the GOP taking over the House of Representatives in 1994. So much so, he was Time’s Person of the Year in 1995. And, he was pretty successful as Speaker. There were a couple of hiccups along the way, but all things considered, he had a good run.

Remember when Arnold Schwarzenegger was the darling of the right? Heck, some were even serious about changing the Constitution to allow him to run for president. “Conan the Republican,” he was called. And the “Governator.”

Now, he’s the butt of jokes — the “Sperminator” — after word of his fathering a child with a staffer.

And Sarah Palin? In 2008, to those on the right, it was almost as if the Beatles were showing up. Or Justin Bieber, to you young kids.

Some were saying they wished she was leading the ticket, not McCain. And the Sarah 2012 bumper stickers showed up before the 2008 election was done.

Now? Conservatives are crossing their fingers, hoping she won’t run.

Rather than go on with a bunch more examples — you can supply several, I’m sure — I’ll get to my point. I’m sure I had one, after all.

For each of these — and for those you come up with — we conservatives were like dogs when their master came home: we jumped up and down, all excited to see them. We’d bark and yelp and make noise showing how happy we were.

Then what happened?

The 1998 election and word of Gingrich’s latest affair, culminating with his resignation.

The evidence that a conservative in California would be a liberal in most of the rest of America. That, and Schwarzenegger’s illegitimate child.

The resignation of office, giving the left another notch on their belt, and letting people believe that all the things said were true.

The truth is, Gingrich, Schwarzenegger, and Palin haven’t changed. Not much, anyway.

So, have we?

A little. We’re acting more and more like the left.

If a dog was all happy to see you, then suddenly started baring its teeth, you’d put it down. Or you should.

But, we’re not dogs. The politicians need to understand that.

And, the politicians aren’t those rosy images we painted of them. We need to understand that.

We see something we like about someone. Something they did. Something they said. Something. And we seize on it and proclaim them the greatest thing since sliced bread. Or since the iPod.

Then, as time goes on, the person continues to act like they’ve always acted. And the other side seizes on that. And we pay attention.

Eventually, we seem to turn on the politician.

The attacks on Gingrich, the jokes about Schwarzenegger, the comments about Palin … they’re pretty rough.

Not saying they aren’t accurate or playing off truths. But they are pretty rough.

Politics is a rough sport. You gotta be tough to play it.

Now, I’m not saying we should back off. I’m saying we need to be the parents of the schoolgirls screaming because John, Paul, George, and Ringo are on the stage. We can enjoy the music, too.

And, when John says something we don’t like, we don’t need to burn Beatles records.

We are the voters. We are Americans. We are America.

We need to act like it.

So far, the big noise-makers are a birther and a truther. Then there’s the big government, pseudo-conservative former governors. You got a couple of quitters in the mix…

Let’s look at this motley crew. And then I’ll tell you about the current glimmer of hope I have.

First, the motleys…

Ron Paul. Or, more correctly: RON PAUL!!!!!1!!!11!!!!! Yes, he’s running again.

He’s the GOP’s Obama. Got a lot of fired-up nutcases supporting him. And he believes some really scary stuff. Sure, he’s sound on fiscal policy, but that whole truther business… Simply put, Ron Paul is nuts. As are his supporters.

Donald Trump. No, I really don’t believe he’s running for president. I think he’s promoting a TV show. Or, at least, it started out that way. But, he’s tying himself to the birther movement.

Let me state that I don’t believe Obama is qualified to be president. Not because of where he was born, but because he is an unqualified oaf. After over two years on the job, he still has no clue. But, he does meet the Constitutional requirements:

No Person except a natural born Citizen … shall be eligible to the Office of President; neither shall any Person be eligible to that Office who shall not have attained to the Age of thirty five Years, and been fourteen Years a Resident within the United States.

But still, I’ve seen trees that would do a better job as president than Obama.

But we’re supposed to be talking about Trump. And that’s the problem. We’re talking about Trump. He should be ignored, and he’ll go away and play a tycoon on TV. Which is the perfect job for him.

Mitt Romney and Chris Christie could be described the same way: conservative for their states, but way too left-wing for my tastes. Like the scene in Hall Pass where the guys see a hot chick, only to discover that, once she’s seen apart from her ugly companions, she’s not so hot. That’s Romney and Christie. And we don’t need no Hall Pass Conservative.

Newt Gingrich did some good things as Speaker of the House. And he is sound in many, many ways. But there are a couple of things that bother me. While I understand why he did it, his resigning from Congress isn’t a good thing.

Same thing about Palin. She bailed on the job as governor. I understand why she did it. But that still bothers me.

I’m not so much worried about her experience. I seem to recall the left all up in arms over her experience in 2008. The same left that helped elect the even more unqualified Barack Obama. While Palin isn’t the most experienced candidate, she’s far, far more qualified for president than Obama.

Tim Pawlenty might be a good choice. Best of the lot I’ve mentioned so far. I know that doesn’t sound like much of an endorsement. But I do like the guy. He’s one of my top three.

The thing is, I don’t know enough about him to know if he’s a true conservative. His state elected Al Franken, so, yeah, he’s going to look conservative by comparison. I just don’t know. Christie and Romney, I know enough about, and they ain’t really conservatives. I want to know more about Pawlenty. If he’s the real deal, I could support him.

One of my favorites I actually know something about, a true conservative governor, has decided not to run. Haley Barbour said “no” to 2012.

Another favorite, Herman Cain, is a long-shot, but is running. I’m not so much worried about long-shots as I am getting the right man for the job.

Cain has business experience, and a long track record of success. We need somebody like Herman Cain. So, why not get the real Herman Cain?

Despite the glimmer of hope I have in Cain (and maybe Pawlenty) I’m worried. Right now, the focus is on Trump and RON PAUL!!1!!!11!

I’m worried that the GOP is going to nominate someone who isn’t a conservative, and we end up with a choice between a left-wing nutcase, and a not-quite-as-left-wing not-quite-as-nuts Republican.

In other words, I’m worried we’re going to do 2008 all over again.

This brings up several questions.

First: Canada has news outlets? Sure enough. But don’t worry, America. They probably aren’t any better than ABC, CBS, CNN, NBC, and the like. Which means there may or may not be some facts to back up some of what they say.

Next: Bolivia? That’s a real country? I thought Bolivia was the alternate universe Olivia from Fringe.

Finally: The United Nations? The same organization that kept the peace in Korea, the Middle East, Africa, Eastern Europe? That United Nations?

Well, now that those are out of the way, I’m wondering about this whole treaty thing. They want to give plants, bugs, and air the same rights as humans.

I suppose we could point out that there are plenty of countries that don’t give women the same rights as men. So, which humans are we talking about? Men or women?

Giving a turtle the same rights as a woman might not be a bad idea. But a turtle can’t cook and clean. So, I’m not sure that giving a turtle the same rights as women is a smart idea. A turtle sounds more like a man.

Maybe what they’re really wanting to do is not give creatures and crawly things the same rights as humans, but to reduce human rights to those of the birds of the air and the fish of the sea.

And that’s good news for hunters. Rabbit season, duck season? Try Bolivia season.

I’m not sure what they’re trying to accomplish with this whole thing. Unless they’re trying to get the award for Crazy Country of the Year. They got a lot of competition for that award.

You got North Korea, who, well, let’s be honest; they have Kim Jong Il in charge. That says it all.

There’s Iran, who has Mahmoud Ahmadinejad running things.

But, to be fair, those guys sort of took over. They really don’t allow free elections. So, those leaders might be nuts, but it’s entirely possible that most of the people in those countries are not crazy.

So, what country could be crazier than Bolivia?

I can’t think of one. Unless you know of a country that has free elections and went and elected a total incompetent with no experience to run things.

Or a country that elects someone who can’t say a coherent sentence without a teleprompter.

Or a country built on capitalism that turns around and elects a socialist to run the show.

Only a country like that could compete with Bolivia for doing crazy stuff.

Now, before you dismiss me and my political aspirations, look at who else is running.

I’ll wait.

Yeah, see? You got Obama, who, even after over 2 years doing the job, isn’t capable of doing the job.

You got nobody else in the Democrats, unless Kucinich runs. He’s a joke.

Nadar will likely run as an independent or for the Green Party or the I’m-46-Years-Past-My-15-Minutes Party or something. He’s a joke.

For the Republicans, nobody will come out and say they’re running. They want to tease. I don’t mind so much someone that looks like Michele Bachmann or Sarah Palin when it comes to a tease, but a Haley Barbour or a Herman Cain or a Newt Gingrich or some other dude? And even the Michele or Sarah? I don’t want it to be a tease. I want it to be a prelude. You guys know what I’m talking about.

Anyway, no one on the Republican side will come out and say they’re running.

Of course there’s the whole Ron Paul thing. But he’s nothing more than Lyndon LaRouche without the conviction to commit mail fraud.

So, we need someone to run. And that someone to run is me.

Let me tell you a little about me.

1) I’m not a Muslim. I’ve been not a Muslim longer than Obama’s been not a Muslim.

I’m Baptist. We’ve had 3 Baptist presidents so far (Truman, Carter, and Clinton), so I’ve got that baggage. At least some of that is baggage.

But, I’m willing to counter that by going to extreme measures when it comes to a running mate. I’m thinking I’ll pick a Methodist. That ought to offer proper balance to the ticket.

B) I have a birth certificate. I know, it’s not fashionable to actually have one of these, but I do. I was born in this country. In Georgia. Which is a real state, not one of those made-up states like Hawaii or California.

III) I served in the military. I served during Desert Storm. No, not in Iraq, but I did manage to keep northern Virginia safe. Got a NDSM for it.

4th) I’ve actually had a real job. No, I’m not a career politician. Which means I don’t have any actual political experience, but hell, Obama’s political experience consisted of voting present, so I’m no worse off there. And, actually having a real job where you got to get up in the morning and hit the drive-through for breakfast and fight traffic and deal with dumbasses at work … Yeah I’ve done that. About to do it again in just a few minutes. So, I understand what all you little people have to go though. And I probably won’t forget you when I’m all big and important and president and such. Probably.

Five) I don’t mind pissing off people to get my way … when I’m right. Dealing with Congress? If I’m right, I’ll hold firm and not give an inch. What’s the worst that could happen? Congress won’t pass any legislation? Like that’s a bad thing?

Finally) I’m always right. That’s the good thing about being me. Whatever I say or do, I’m right. It’s awesome always being right. You ought to try it. I don’t know why more people don’t.

I’m not selfish about it, either. I’m willing to share my ability to always be right with the rest of the country.

So, vote for me in 2012. Then you can be right, too.

Look familiar? Here’s the Democrats’ Obamacare logo:

What’s changed? Well, now America has become a soulless, barren, depopulated wasteland. The few people left alive have been quarantined in Canada behind a 50 mile high wall.

I guess the Obamacare dome that protected everyone in the bottom picture actually ended up decimating the population, thus the wasteland.

Funny thing is, the ghostly people in the Convention logo look a lot more agitated than the ghostly people in the Obamacare logo. Maybe they’re just trying to say that their vision is to exile the Tea Partiers to Canada, and transform the Lower 48 into a Borg-like collective of group-thinking, obedient, blue-state liberals.

Either way, it’s an unnervingly creepy piece of symbolism.

By the way, does anyone else think that Obamacare logo looks like a Tsar Bomba strike on Minneapolis?

[Hat tip to American Glob, which has a less cynically paranoid view.]

The Chicago Board of Election Commissioners ruled that former Obama chief of staff Rahm Emanuel is a Chicago resident and can run for mayor.

Part of the problem is that Emanuel doesn’t actually live in Chicago. Hasn’t for a couple of years. He says he’s paid taxes there. And that whole selling his house thing? He wasn’t really selling it.

The Board, in true Chicago style, said that as long as Emanuel was planning on going back, he was a resident.

Which brings me to my point: I’ve been to Chicago. Spent days there. Drove the roads and paid the tolls … which are road taxes. Even been to a White Sox game. And plan to go back to see a Cubs game at Wrigley.

Like Rahm Emanuel, I’ve been to Chicago, paid taxes there, and plan to go back.

Therefore, I am a Chicago resident.

So, I’m running for mayor, too.

And, since it’s Chicago, I want everyone to register so you can vote for me. I mean, it’s Chicago. Dead people vote there all the time. I don’t see why being alive should disqualify you. Just tell them you’re a Democrat. That should cut through any red tape.

I’m not sure what I’m going to do when I’m elected mayor of Chicago. I suppose I should think up some campaign promises or something. I mean, it’s what people running for office do, right?

Here are some of the things I’ve come up with:

• Rename US Cellular Field to Cominskey Park.
• Daily contests between Lou Malnati’s and Pizzeria Uno’s for best Original Chicago Style Pizza.
• Every holiday gets a massacre. St. Valentine’s Day has ridden that gravy train for too long!
• Oprah has to give cars to everybody.
• Lake Michigan is renamed Happy Fun Lake and is declared off-limits to Canada.

I’m looking for more ideas. When I’m elected mayor, I’ll have jobs for everyone who submits ideas and otherwise contributes to the campaign. As mayor of Chicago, I’ll be able to do that.

“When they live under the same rules and laws they passed for the rest of us, maybe you’d see some more common sense coming out of Washington, D.C.” he told the conservative publication. “Instead, you got a permanent governing political class.”

Jindal, who once served as a congressman, cited Mark Twain in his proposal.

“We used to pay farmers not to grow crops, let’s pay congressmen to stay out of Washington, D.C.,” he said. “Mark Twain said that our liberty, our wallets were safest when the legislature’s not in session.”

Heck, I’ve been advocating a part-time Congress for a while. But I’d take a slightly different approach.

First, I’d go along with a part-time Congress. After a Congress is elected, one 90-day session, and then adjournment sine die.

I’m not so sure about term limits. If someone does a good job part-time, let him stay at it. With it becoming a part-time job, we might not end up with so many Congressman-for-life situations. I’d skip term limits.

Next, I’d clean out Washington. It’s the seat of government. And, with a part-time government, we don’t need so much going on there. We certainly don’t need anyone living there. No housing. None. No one would own a house or an apartment in Washington. Because no one would live there.

The District of Columbia was set aside for the seat of government, and should be that and nothing more.

Sure, there are a lot of people that live and work in Washington, DC. There shouldn’t be. Yes, it would be difficult to have to get a real job. I hate it for them.

And, well, I’d stop there. For now. I mean, with a part-time Congress, and no reason for a bunch of people living there, that pretty much solves most of the problems coming out of Washington.

But, maybe I’m a little too optimistic. What do you think? What would you do to clean up Washington. Or, better, clean out Washington?

Them internets are crawling with stories that Democrats in Congress are wanting Nancy Pelosi to step aside as that party’s leader in the House of Representatives.

I think she should stay on the job. Not that you could say “job well done” about her. On the contrary, she’s led this country down the road to hell.

But, that’s exactly why she should stay on the job.

With Nancy Pelosi as the leader of the Democrats in the House of Representatives, she’s a reminder of what happens when you put a bunch of socialists in charge of important things. And everyone knows that socialists should be in charge of getting their dirt out of Boss Kean’s ditch … and nothing more.

If the Democrats replace Nancy Pelosi, they might pick someone who doesn’t remind Americans that Democrats are idiots who shouldn’t be trusted.

So, I really really want her to stay in charge of the House Democrats.

They deserve each other.

Huh. I thought she was on a very strict diet of souls & babies.

According to scientists at UC San Diego and Harvard University, “ideology is affected not just by social factors, but also by a dopamine receptor gene called DRD4.”

The number of friends you have as a child also factors in, according to the study. Which means that if, while immature, you have influences from other immature people, you become a liberal. Which proves that liberalism is immaturity squared.

Now that they’ve found out what causes it, we can cure it.

I propose that we fund gene therapy projects that will get rid of that gene. Or those with it.

Sure, a bunch of pansies on the left might object to my saying that, so, let’s compromise. We’ll start by getting rid of those with the gene in a small sample.

What say we start with a national test group of 535. We can remove those in that sample group that have the gene, and we can do that on the first Tuesday in November. And, we can have smaller study groups at the state and local levels at the same time.

Let’s try that and see how it goes. If things get better, we can then expand it to the rest of the country.

What he actually said was that America is no better off today than it was in the late ’70s.

But he was saying how wonderful it was then.

Only, I remember it being no-so-great. I was around then. I turned 18 in 1976, before Carter was elected. And I remember his administration through the eyes of someone out of high school, going to college, working jobs, buying groceries, putting gas in the car, and paying taxes. You know, adult things.

I was there in the 1970s. And the late ’70s sucked.

So, I find that I actually agree with Jimmy Carter. At least, I agree that, today, America isn’t in any better shape than it was in the late 1970s. Because, other than ’70s music, the rest of the ’70s pretty much sucked. And, even late ’70s music had disco, so it kinda sucked at times, too.

Think about this:

• Double-digit unemployment. 
• American not respected by the world.
• Fears of running out of oil.
• A complete incompetent in the White House.
• Democrats screwing things up so badly that their majorities in Congress are in jeopardy.

Am I talking about the late ’70s or today?

Yes, I am.

But don’t get too confident that changes for the better are in store. In the 1980 election, 41% of Americans voted to reelect Jimmy Carter.

See? We’ve had stupid people voting for a long, long time. We need more smart people voting this year. If you know any, tell them there’s an election.

And, whatever you do, do not let the stupid people know about the election. They’ll just screw it up. Like they did in 1976. And 2008.

The story is about a proposal in Portland, Maine, that will allow non-citizens to vote. Now, it’s not proposing to allow illegal immigrants to vote. It’s proposing to allow legal immigrants who are not citizens to vote.

And one of the people that the story profiled  lives in Minneapolis, has lived there nearly two decades, but hasn’t learned much English and still isn’t a citizen. But, he sends his kids to public school and wants to vote for those on the school board.

Guess who he wants to vote for? Democrats.

“I like the Democrats. I want to vote for Democrats, but I don’t have citizenship,” he said.

Why isn’t he a citizen? The AP story sums it up:

To become a citizen, immigrants must be a lawful permanent resident for at least five years, pass tests on English and U.S. history and government, and swear allegiance to the United States.

See the problem? He’d have to swear allegiance to the United States. And there’s no way he could follow through on that oath and vote for a Democrat.

No one who loves American could vote for a Democrat.