Basil recently wrote to me:

Your post [on the Hillary-as-superhero comic book] got me to thinking. Do liberals start trolling sites like IMAO only to get distracted by satire that they think are acutally wonderful ideas? And can we use that to our advantage?

I say yes, and maybe.

Here are some things I’ve suggested in Newsish Fakery posts that liberals might think are good ideas:

---

* Arrest people who stop terrorist attacks for violating Muslims’ civil rights to practice their religion.

* Denounce those calling Obama a liar as being bigoted against Deception-Americans.

* Negotiate with wildfires instead of fighting them.

* Declare the Constitution “hate speech“.

* Apologize for the Declaration of Independence.

* Return the Louisiana Purchase for a refund.

* Have the US declare bankruptcy.

* Blow up Los Angeles to atone for using waterboarding-obtained information to thwart a terrorist plot to do so.

* Tea control laws to prevent right-wing activists from using tea bags in protests.

* Battery-powered “green” military vehicles.

* Cap & Trade program for political dissent.

* Banning guns that are too pretty.

* Not-for-profit banking.

* Bailouts for the Obama merchandise industry.

---

Now for the tough part: now that we have a fun list of stupid ideas for liberals to embrace, what can we do with it that will be most advantageous to us?

My first thought is put it on DNC letterhead, title it “Proposed 2012 Democrat Party Platform” and send it to Debbie Wasserman Shultz, who’ll think it’s real (I mean, honestly, she’s… just not very bright). Then the platform gets adopted, Obama runs on it, and BOOM! – GOP landslide.

My second thought is to ask you guys how YOU think we could use this to our advantage.

So… let’s hear it, folks…

IMAO regular reader and commenter Iowa Jim made an observation the other day. With all the coverage of Anthony Weiner and his face (and other parts) in the news, he thought the Congresscritter looked … like a Congresscritter:

I noticed that Anthony Weiner, in some photographs, bears an amazing resemblance to ostriches, emus, and cassowaries.

He’s got a point:

Is he right?

And is Weiner the only critter-like critter in Congress? What other critters to other members of Congress look like?

 

Remember when Newt Gingrich was the darling of the right?

Seriously.

He was largely responsible for the GOP taking over the House of Representatives in 1994. So much so, he was Time’s Person of the Year in 1995. And, he was pretty successful as Speaker. There were a couple of hiccups along the way, but all things considered, he had a good run.

Remember when Arnold Schwarzenegger was the darling of the right? Heck, some were even serious about changing the Constitution to allow him to run for president. “Conan the Republican,” he was called. And the “Governator.”

Now, he’s the butt of jokes — the “Sperminator” — after word of his fathering a child with a staffer.

And Sarah Palin? In 2008, to those on the right, it was almost as if the Beatles were showing up. Or Justin Bieber, to you young kids.

Some were saying they wished she was leading the ticket, not McCain. And the Sarah 2012 bumper stickers showed up before the 2008 election was done.

Now? Conservatives are crossing their fingers, hoping she won’t run.

Rather than go on with a bunch more examples — you can supply several, I’m sure — I’ll get to my point. I’m sure I had one, after all.

For each of these — and for those you come up with — we conservatives were like dogs when their master came home: we jumped up and down, all excited to see them. We’d bark and yelp and make noise showing how happy we were.

Then what happened?

The 1998 election and word of Gingrich’s latest affair, culminating with his resignation.

The evidence that a conservative in California would be a liberal in most of the rest of America. That, and Schwarzenegger’s illegitimate child.

The resignation of office, giving the left another notch on their belt, and letting people believe that all the things said were true.

The truth is, Gingrich, Schwarzenegger, and Palin haven’t changed. Not much, anyway.

So, have we?

A little. We’re acting more and more like the left.

If a dog was all happy to see you, then suddenly started baring its teeth, you’d put it down. Or you should.

But, we’re not dogs. The politicians need to understand that.

And, the politicians aren’t those rosy images we painted of them. We need to understand that.

We see something we like about someone. Something they did. Something they said. Something. And we seize on it and proclaim them the greatest thing since sliced bread. Or since the iPod.

Then, as time goes on, the person continues to act like they’ve always acted. And the other side seizes on that. And we pay attention.

Eventually, we seem to turn on the politician.

The attacks on Gingrich, the jokes about Schwarzenegger, the comments about Palin … they’re pretty rough.

Not saying they aren’t accurate or playing off truths. But they are pretty rough.

Politics is a rough sport. You gotta be tough to play it.

Now, I’m not saying we should back off. I’m saying we need to be the parents of the schoolgirls screaming because John, Paul, George, and Ringo are on the stage. We can enjoy the music, too.

And, when John says something we don’t like, we don’t need to burn Beatles records.

We are the voters. We are Americans. We are America.

We need to act like it.

It has begun. The descent into … the race for the Republican nomination for president.

So far, the big noise-makers are a birther and a truther. Then there’s the big government, pseudo-conservative former governors. You got a couple of quitters in the mix…

Let’s look at this motley crew. And then I’ll tell you about the current glimmer of hope I have.

First, the motleys…

Ron Paul. Or, more correctly: RON PAUL!!!!!1!!!11!!!!! Yes, he’s running again.

He’s the GOP’s Obama. Got a lot of fired-up nutcases supporting him. And he believes some really scary stuff. Sure, he’s sound on fiscal policy, but that whole truther business… Simply put, Ron Paul is nuts. As are his supporters.

Donald Trump. No, I really don’t believe he’s running for president. I think he’s promoting a TV show. Or, at least, it started out that way. But, he’s tying himself to the birther movement.

Let me state that I don’t believe Obama is qualified to be president. Not because of where he was born, but because he is an unqualified oaf. After over two years on the job, he still has no clue. But, he does meet the Constitutional requirements:

No Person except a natural born Citizen … shall be eligible to the Office of President; neither shall any Person be eligible to that Office who shall not have attained to the Age of thirty five Years, and been fourteen Years a Resident within the United States.

But still, I’ve seen trees that would do a better job as president than Obama.

But we’re supposed to be talking about Trump. And that’s the problem. We’re talking about Trump. He should be ignored, and he’ll go away and play a tycoon on TV. Which is the perfect job for him.

Mitt Romney and Chris Christie could be described the same way: conservative for their states, but way too left-wing for my tastes. Like the scene in Hall Pass where the guys see a hot chick, only to discover that, once she’s seen apart from her ugly companions, she’s not so hot. That’s Romney and Christie. And we don’t need no Hall Pass Conservative.

Newt Gingrich did some good things as Speaker of the House. And he is sound in many, many ways. But there are a couple of things that bother me. While I understand why he did it, his resigning from Congress isn’t a good thing.

Same thing about Palin. She bailed on the job as governor. I understand why she did it. But that still bothers me.

I’m not so much worried about her experience. I seem to recall the left all up in arms over her experience in 2008. The same left that helped elect the even more unqualified Barack Obama. While Palin isn’t the most experienced candidate, she’s far, far more qualified for president than Obama.

Tim Pawlenty might be a good choice. Best of the lot I’ve mentioned so far. I know that doesn’t sound like much of an endorsement. But I do like the guy. He’s one of my top three.

The thing is, I don’t know enough about him to know if he’s a true conservative. His state elected Al Franken, so, yeah, he’s going to look conservative by comparison. I just don’t know. Christie and Romney, I know enough about, and they ain’t really conservatives. I want to know more about Pawlenty. If he’s the real deal, I could support him.

One of my favorites I actually know something about, a true conservative governor, has decided not to run. Haley Barbour said “no” to 2012.

Another favorite, Herman Cain, is a long-shot, but is running. I’m not so much worried about long-shots as I am getting the right man for the job.

Cain has business experience, and a long track record of success. We need somebody like Herman Cain. So, why not get the real Herman Cain?

Despite the glimmer of hope I have in Cain (and maybe Pawlenty) I’m worried. Right now, the focus is on Trump and RON PAUL!!1!!!11!

I’m worried that the GOP is going to nominate someone who isn’t a conservative, and we end up with a choice between a left-wing nutcase, and a not-quite-as-left-wing not-quite-as-nuts Republican.

In other words, I’m worried we’re going to do 2008 all over again.

There’s a news article out of Canada that says Bolivia is pushing a U.N. treaty that would give “Mother Earth” the same rights as humans.

This brings up several questions.

First: Canada has news outlets? Sure enough. But don’t worry, America. They probably aren’t any better than ABC, CBS, CNN, NBC, and the like. Which means there may or may not be some facts to back up some of what they say.

Next: Bolivia? That’s a real country? I thought Bolivia was the alternate universe Olivia from Fringe.

Finally: The United Nations? The same organization that kept the peace in Korea, the Middle East, Africa, Eastern Europe? That United Nations?

Well, now that those are out of the way, I’m wondering about this whole treaty thing. They want to give plants, bugs, and air the same rights as humans.

I suppose we could point out that there are plenty of countries that don’t give women the same rights as men. So, which humans are we talking about? Men or women?

Giving a turtle the same rights as a woman might not be a bad idea. But a turtle can’t cook and clean. So, I’m not sure that giving a turtle the same rights as women is a smart idea. A turtle sounds more like a man.

Maybe what they’re really wanting to do is not give creatures and crawly things the same rights as humans, but to reduce human rights to those of the birds of the air and the fish of the sea.

And that’s good news for hunters. Rabbit season, duck season? Try Bolivia season.

I’m not sure what they’re trying to accomplish with this whole thing. Unless they’re trying to get the award for Crazy Country of the Year. They got a lot of competition for that award.

You got North Korea, who, well, let’s be honest; they have Kim Jong Il in charge. That says it all.

There’s Iran, who has Mahmoud Ahmadinejad running things.

But, to be fair, those guys sort of took over. They really don’t allow free elections. So, those leaders might be nuts, but it’s entirely possible that most of the people in those countries are not crazy.

So, what country could be crazier than Bolivia?

I can’t think of one. Unless you know of a country that has free elections and went and elected a total incompetent with no experience to run things.

Or a country that elects someone who can’t say a coherent sentence without a teleprompter.

Or a country built on capitalism that turns around and elects a socialist to run the show.

Only a country like that could compete with Bolivia for doing crazy stuff.

I’m making it official: I am a candidate for President of the United States in 2012.

Now, before you dismiss me and my political aspirations, look at who else is running.

I’ll wait.

Yeah, see? You got Obama, who, even after over 2 years doing the job, isn’t capable of doing the job.

You got nobody else in the Democrats, unless Kucinich runs. He’s a joke.

Nadar will likely run as an independent or for the Green Party or the I’m-46-Years-Past-My-15-Minutes Party or something. He’s a joke.

For the Republicans, nobody will come out and say they’re running. They want to tease. I don’t mind so much someone that looks like Michele Bachmann or Sarah Palin when it comes to a tease, but a Haley Barbour or a Herman Cain or a Newt Gingrich or some other dude? And even the Michele or Sarah? I don’t want it to be a tease. I want it to be a prelude. You guys know what I’m talking about.

Anyway, no one on the Republican side will come out and say they’re running.

Of course there’s the whole Ron Paul thing. But he’s nothing more than Lyndon LaRouche without the conviction to commit mail fraud.

So, we need someone to run. And that someone to run is me.

Let me tell you a little about me.

1) I’m not a Muslim. I’ve been not a Muslim longer than Obama’s been not a Muslim.

I’m Baptist. We’ve had 3 Baptist presidents so far (Truman, Carter, and Clinton), so I’ve got that baggage. At least some of that is baggage.

But, I’m willing to counter that by going to extreme measures when it comes to a running mate. I’m thinking I’ll pick a Methodist. That ought to offer proper balance to the ticket.

B) I have a birth certificate. I know, it’s not fashionable to actually have one of these, but I do. I was born in this country. In Georgia. Which is a real state, not one of those made-up states like Hawaii or California.

III) I served in the military. I served during Desert Storm. No, not in Iraq, but I did manage to keep northern Virginia safe. Got a NDSM for it.

4th) I’ve actually had a real job. No, I’m not a career politician. Which means I don’t have any actual political experience, but hell, Obama’s political experience consisted of voting present, so I’m no worse off there. And, actually having a real job where you got to get up in the morning and hit the drive-through for breakfast and fight traffic and deal with dumbasses at work … Yeah I’ve done that. About to do it again in just a few minutes. So, I understand what all you little people have to go though. And I probably won’t forget you when I’m all big and important and president and such. Probably.

Five) I don’t mind pissing off people to get my way … when I’m right. Dealing with Congress? If I’m right, I’ll hold firm and not give an inch. What’s the worst that could happen? Congress won’t pass any legislation? Like that’s a bad thing?

Finally) I’m always right. That’s the good thing about being me. Whatever I say or do, I’m right. It’s awesome always being right. You ought to try it. I don’t know why more people don’t.

I’m not selfish about it, either. I’m willing to share my ability to always be right with the rest of the country.

So, vote for me in 2012. Then you can be right, too.

The Democrats released their 2012 Convention logo:

Look familiar? Here’s the Democrats’ Obamacare logo:

What’s changed? Well, now America has become a soulless, barren, depopulated wasteland. The few people left alive have been quarantined in Canada behind a 50 mile high wall.

I guess the Obamacare dome that protected everyone in the bottom picture actually ended up decimating the population, thus the wasteland.

Funny thing is, the ghostly people in the Convention logo look a lot more agitated than the ghostly people in the Obamacare logo. Maybe they’re just trying to say that their vision is to exile the Tea Partiers to Canada, and transform the Lower 48 into a Borg-like collective of group-thinking, obedient, blue-state liberals.

Either way, it’s an unnervingly creepy piece of symbolism.

By the way, does anyone else think that Obamacare logo looks like a Tsar Bomba strike on Minneapolis?

[Hat tip to American Glob, which has a less cynically paranoid view.]

Did you miss the news the other day?

The Chicago Board of Election Commissioners ruled that former Obama chief of staff Rahm Emanuel is a Chicago resident and can run for mayor.

Part of the problem is that Emanuel doesn’t actually live in Chicago. Hasn’t for a couple of years. He says he’s paid taxes there. And that whole selling his house thing? He wasn’t really selling it.

The Board, in true Chicago style, said that as long as Emanuel was planning on going back, he was a resident.

Which brings me to my point: I’ve been to Chicago. Spent days there. Drove the roads and paid the tolls … which are road taxes. Even been to a White Sox game. And plan to go back to see a Cubs game at Wrigley.

Like Rahm Emanuel, I’ve been to Chicago, paid taxes there, and plan to go back.

Therefore, I am a Chicago resident.

So, I’m running for mayor, too.

And, since it’s Chicago, I want everyone to register so you can vote for me. I mean, it’s Chicago. Dead people vote there all the time. I don’t see why being alive should disqualify you. Just tell them you’re a Democrat. That should cut through any red tape.

I’m not sure what I’m going to do when I’m elected mayor of Chicago. I suppose I should think up some campaign promises or something. I mean, it’s what people running for office do, right?

Here are some of the things I’ve come up with:

• Rename US Cellular Field to Cominskey Park.
• Daily contests between Lou Malnati’s and Pizzeria Uno’s for best Original Chicago Style Pizza.
• Every holiday gets a massacre. St. Valentine’s Day has ridden that gravy train for too long!
• Oprah has to give cars to everybody.
• Lake Michigan is renamed Happy Fun Lake and is declared off-limits to Canada.

I’m looking for more ideas. When I’m elected mayor, I’ll have jobs for everyone who submits ideas and otherwise contributes to the campaign. As mayor of Chicago, I’ll be able to do that.

It made news recently that Louisiana governor Bobby Jindal called for Congress to become part-time:

“When they live under the same rules and laws they passed for the rest of us, maybe you’d see some more common sense coming out of Washington, D.C.” he told the conservative publication. “Instead, you got a permanent governing political class.”

Jindal, who once served as a congressman, cited Mark Twain in his proposal.

“We used to pay farmers not to grow crops, let’s pay congressmen to stay out of Washington, D.C.,” he said. “Mark Twain said that our liberty, our wallets were safest when the legislature’s not in session.”

Heck, I’ve been advocating a part-time Congress for a while. But I’d take a slightly different approach.

First, I’d go along with a part-time Congress. After a Congress is elected, one 90-day session, and then adjournment sine die.

I’m not so sure about term limits. If someone does a good job part-time, let him stay at it. With it becoming a part-time job, we might not end up with so many Congressman-for-life situations. I’d skip term limits.

Next, I’d clean out Washington. It’s the seat of government. And, with a part-time government, we don’t need so much going on there. We certainly don’t need anyone living there. No housing. None. No one would own a house or an apartment in Washington. Because no one would live there.

The District of Columbia was set aside for the seat of government, and should be that and nothing more.

Sure, there are a lot of people that live and work in Washington, DC. There shouldn’t be. Yes, it would be difficult to have to get a real job. I hate it for them.

And, well, I’d stop there. For now. I mean, with a part-time Congress, and no reason for a bunch of people living there, that pretty much solves most of the problems coming out of Washington.

But, maybe I’m a little too optimistic. What do you think? What would you do to clean up Washington. Or, better, clean out Washington?