Archive for the ‘Random Thought’ Category

Random Thoughts: Eric Garner

Thursday, December 4, 2014 8:16 am

The biggest nonsense about the Obama daughters criticism scandal is that anyone cares about the dignity of a turkey pardoning ceremony.

If you want to show dignity for the office of the president, don’t pardon turkeys in big ceremonies.

So basically NYC cops can choke you to death over 75 cents?

If Bloomberg got his way, people would also be strangled to death over selling large sodas.

Body cameras on police officers will allow us to get even more righteously angry when cops aren’t indicted.

Another reminder that before you propose a law, ask if you’re willing to kill someone over this. Because that happens. #EricGarner

Obama: “Let this be a lesson: Pay your Obamacare tax or I’ll have police strangle you.”

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Random Thoughts: Clamshell and Swords

Wednesday, December 3, 2014 8:33 am

Man, I want to finally see Guardians of the Galaxy. Trying to decide if I $20 want to see it or can wait to rent next Tuesday.

I try to save my outrage for things like mass slaughter, but I tend to use it up on clamshell packaging.

Maybe you’re under constant threat because you’re a jerk who hangs swords over people’s heads, Dionysius.

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Random Thoughts: Ferguson, Justice, and Obamacare

Monday, December 1, 2014 9:00 am

Hey, everyone: Try not to be racist and try not to riot.

What I’m hearing is that a lot of black people are feeling powerless because of Ferguson… except for one who is bypassing Congress with executive actions.

Regardless of the merits of one case, the fact that a large segment of the population find cops a cause of distress must be addressed.

Never be blasé about people who feel oppressed by government power. That’s something to be consistent about.

Trying Objective-C for the first time. “NO” and “YES” instead of “true” and “false” for boolean? Was this made for babies?

So far President Obama’s only plan for Ferguson is to flood the town with illegal immigrants.

If black people like how things are and don’t want anything to change, they should keep voting for Democrats.

US: “We need jobs!”
Obama: “Here’s my new healthcare plan I’m shoving down your throats!”
*4 years pass
Schumer: “Hey, wait a second…”

For people victimizing random businesses in response to a shooting, is it okay to doubt their sincerity in wanting “justice”?

You sure you want “justice”, guy looting liquor store? I don’t think that will work out well for you.

The dad’s burden is that by the time he sits down to eat the pancake breakfast, it’s cold.

“We should make a solar-powered calculator.”
“That’s a great idea! What else would be useful to be solar-powered?”
*thinks a bit
“That’s it”

I never understood putting raisins in cookies. Have you never heard of chocolate chips or are you just some sort of misanthrope?

“What a perfect, creamy chocolate batter for my brownies.”
*the devil appears on her shoulder

So are you actually allergic to meat or do you just not eat it because that’s trendy?

“We’re out of new lightsaber ideas. What do you got?”
“Tiny lightsaber blades stick out the side.”
“For what purpose?”
“It needs a purpose?”

How do I explain silent letters to my 4yo?
“Our language was made by madmen and psychopaths.”

Best I can figure about silent letters is there are union rules where you have to hire certain letters whether you need them or not.

The air doesn’t seem to like Texas as it’s always in a big rush to get out of here.

You know how when there are 3 urinals, one is hung lower than the others? Why not just hang them all low?

Have you ever been like, “I’m glad I got a higher urinal! Those are so much more convenient for my height!”?

Weird how like every gas pump instructs you to lift the handle even though it’s been years since I’ve seen a pump where the handle lifts.

Barack Obama doesn’t care about black people on a whole other level than white presidents.

I’m so used to sitcoms without laugh tracks that ones with it seem desperate now. “See? My friends think I’m funny.”

My daughter thinks the queso from Trochy’s Tacos is called “tor-cheese.”

Not to sound negative about Obamacare, but I don’t get the advantage of having more of my healthcare decisions made by sociopathic idiots.

Sorry. I just had to pick a new healthcare plan, and it’s hard to do that and not want to strangle people.

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Random Thoughts: Feminism, Avengers, and Ebola

Friday, October 24, 2014 9:20 am

Just a reminder: The left only care about women, racism, or anything else in so much as it helps their partisan politics.

All their feminism will get immediately chucked out the window if they have a chance to humiliate a conservative woman.

About half my thoughts today are of that Avengers trailer. And about all my thoughts are in that James Spader voice.

When they say they can no longer detect the Ebola virus in someone, how do we know it hasn’t evolved a stealth mode?

Okay, I’m finally going to have to ask: What’s google?

Is a GamerGate used to keep out gamers or to keep out other people who might pester you while you’re gaming?

I wish people of all races and ethnicities could have white privilege.

Giuliani knew that when you crack down on small crimes, like broken windows, you keep Ebola from getting in the city.

Today is the last day of my engineering job. Bittersweet. I’m going to pray for something to break so I can debug it.

Wow, lots of stuff going on in NYC. Never have anything that interesting happening in Boise.

The most important things about Ebola is not to panic. Like if you think you might have Ebola, that’s no reason to cancel bowling plans.

I shouldn’t make fun of the doctor. Bravery-wise I don’t stand up very well against a guy who went to Africa to treat Ebola patients.

Are we sure there is a CDC? Like someone called their number and made sure someone answered?

We really need to work on our not panicking. We need to get that down soon or we’re all going to die.

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Random Thoughts: Photo ID, Islam, and Ultron

Thursday, October 23, 2014 9:13 am

Oh, little girls dropping f-bombs for feminism. Great idea, because the one problem with feminism is it’s not angry enough.

When a disaster happens, I’m always afraid of getting caught in the stampede of people racing to lecture everyone not to overreact.

Is the reason they ask for a photo ID when you go through security at an airport to keep minorities off planes? If so, I’m against that.

All those against #GamerGate want to do is hatefully dismiss large groups of people and suffer no consequences. For social justice.

Why so many shooters and such who are recent converts to Islam? They aren’t saving “don’t murder people” for advanced Islam, are they?

It could be the party with a long history of voter fraud claiming voter fraud never happens is why voter ID has 70% support.

As a child, I was always deathly afraid of the boogie man coming out of my closet in the middle of the night and starting a dance party.

So I watched the Avengers Age of Ultron trailer, and it looks sorta, well– GAHH!! I CAN’T WAIT! I WANT TO WATCH IT RIGHT NOW!!!

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Random Thoughts: 80s Kid, Renee Zellweger, and the Palins

Wednesday, October 22, 2014 9:23 am

As an 80s kid, I am kinda curious what it’s like to have a booming economy while I’m an adult.

Here’s how much of an 80s kid I am: I once got a programmable robot for Christmas.

While we’re calling out people with rape allegations against them that get ignored, don’t forget the husband of a likely presidential candidate.

Has Wendy Davis asked Mark Pryor about interracial marriage?

“Hmm. I don’t know what’s wrong with him. We ruled out A through D bola.”

Why is everyone freaking out over how Renee Zellweger looks? How can we even be sure that’s her?

If you visit Alaska, most like you’re going to get punched in the face by a Palin. But you deal with it because the place is gorgeous.

If the left can get some dirt on the Palins, they’ll finally feel better for their loss in 2008.

If the problems African Americans have could be solved by voting for Democrats, shouldn’t they have been solved decades ago?

You have 90%+ African Americans voting for Democrats. Who are you fooling thinking you’ll get change by increasing that number?

Seems there should be a more even vote split for African Americans between party that doesn’t care about them and the one that’s failed them.

Hey, it’s copies of my book (out Nov. 11th)!

I always use humor to make a point. The main point I’m usually making is that I think I’m very clever.

I always remember the Jay Leno-era Doritos slogan of “Crunch all you want; we’ll make more!” It left a deep impression in me.

Don’t get all the chiding about talking about Renee Zellweger. Are we all supposed to pretend we weren’t shocked to find her unrecognizable?

And it’s not that she looks bad or anything. It’s just like “The part of Renee Zellweger is now being played by…”

“Need to investigate this ourselves. Doubt a masked vigilante will help us – a laughable notion in our present day city.”
-quote from Gotham

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Random Thoughts: Wendy Davis, GamerGate, and Apple Pay

Tuesday, October 21, 2014 9:21 am

Wendy Davis has done as well as you’d expect for someone only known for wearing pink sneakers while filibustering for late term abortion.

“Republicans want to keep all interracial marrying for themselves!” -Wendy Davis

So with the Wendy Davis campaign, Democrats donated millions to entertain Republicans.

One of the interesting lessons of #GamerGate is that there are consequences in being openly disdainful of the market you cater to.

“You misogynistic, racist morons, shut up and listen to us lecture you on how enlightened we are!” #GamerGate

I only have an iPhone 5S so I’m going to have to watch people use Apple Pay while I use a debit card like some caveman.

“Aren’t you going to pay for this?”
“One sec. I have to pull my card out of my wallet.”

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Random Thoughts: Ebola Czar

Monday, October 20, 2014 9:17 am

I feel much better about Ebola now that we have a partisan crony in charge of things.

“Ebola is not dangerous. To prove it, I will drink this big mug of Ebola.” -Obama’s Ebola czar

No travel ban when people in Britain got mad cow disease, but the government did issue a warning not to eat the brains of English people.

The average human uses only 10% of his pancreas. Think of what could happen if he used 100%.

“Siri, what’s Ebola?” -Obama’s Ebloa czar

“Instead of focusing on the negative, let’s focus on the millions.. maybe thousands now… who don’t have Ebola.” -Ebola czar, year from now

Oh, the Ebola czar is good at management? And Obama has shown such an ability to recognize people who are good at management.

It’s not giving me confidence how the new Ebola czar jumps up on a chair and start shrieking anytime anyone near him sneezes.

Listen to scientists? You mean those losers who can’t figure out where 85% of the matter in the universe is?

At some point most of the misanthropes went from the racist side to the “pro-tolerance” side.

“I’m pro-science except when science goes against my politics.” -the left, everyone else

Want to feel old? The girl who played Rudy on The Cosby Show died of old age ten years ago.

“Beige… it’s the color of the future!” -a lot of convincing salesmen in the 70s, apparently

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Random Thoughts: Sexism, iPads, and Charlie Crist

Friday, October 17, 2014 9:52 am

Wouldn’t maybe a better option than freezing eggs would be giving women more opportunities to start a career later in life?

So the Bush administration lied about Saddam not having WMDs? Did not see that coming.

“I saw an episode of Matlock in a bar last night. The sound was down, but I think I got the gist of it.” -Ezra Klein’s legal credentials

I guess uncredited Simpsons quotes can be construed as plagiarism, but I just assume everyone knows it’s from The Simpsons. It’s like can you plagiarize famous lines from Shakespeare?

According to Apple, they’ve sold 10,000 iPads per every person who says they don’t get the point of an iPad.

I have a 32GB gen 3 iPad. Think it’s time for an upgrade. 4 y.o. daughter can get my iPad 3. Dumb baby can get my iPad 1.

Know what the baby calls the iPad? “Pie.” How do you get from “iPad” to “Pie”? That’s why he’s not allowed to use it.

I’m standing there playing Infinity Blade and he’s all “Pie! Pie! Pie!” Hey, I’m not letting you have my iPad, kid. Go rattle something.

If gender is a choice, doesn’t that make sexism okay since you’re just criticizing someone’s choice?

I think the reason President Obama sometimes appears to be aloof is that he doesn’t care whether any of us lives or dies.

In fairness, no matter what sort job Obama does as president, he gets paid the same, so what would be his motivation?

This is a review that makes me feel good.

Ezra Klein is either an idiot or a super genius at trolling for attention.

Charlie Crist is very sensitive to heat as he is 40% wax.

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Random Thoughts: The Left, Aquaman, and Ebola

Thursday, October 16, 2014 9:11 am

Bigotry grows in whoever doesn’t get his views challenged, and the left want nothing more than to keep people from challenging their views.

The left have lost the ability to work within a liberal society. They no longer debate ideas and instead just try to shut up other side.

If you need a screenwriter for the Aquaman movie, I’m good at writing fish dialogue.

Can’t we infect ISIS with Ebola and take care of two birds with one stone?

So basically when we need the government to be effective it’s still only as good as when we’re not paying attention to it.

With all the panic over a few cases of Ebola in the U.S., can you imagine what it’s like in Africa where thousands are dead?

Operation Ugh, I Don’t Wanna Be Here

If you vote for Charlie Crist, you lose the right to ever criticize politicians for being phonies forever.

I’m excited for the DC Comics movies about Batman, Superman, and… um… the others.

I want a dark, gritty Aquaman movie. That will be hilarious.

BREAKING: Cory Gardner was not particularly memorable as a high school football player. Must credit Deadspin.

“Get one of the interns to google whether Ebola is infectious.” -CDC

So we assumed that when a crisis is going on, the government suddenly starts doing better than government-quality work?

Half the country could die from Ebola, and all that would happen is someone in the CDC will be forced to take 2 weeks paid leave.

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Random Thoughts: W9 and Photo ID

Wednesday, October 15, 2014 9:25 am

Just saw there is going to be a Comic Con in Boise this weekend. Not called Potato Con, though :(

Why do I have to fill out a W9 every time someone wants to give me money? Doesn’t the government know by now who I am and that I like money?

We might have reached the limit of how much racism can be ended by just harping on white people’s attitudes.

Really baffled by how the amount of melanin in your skin cells is supposed to affect your ability to get a photo ID.

I’m actually intrigued by the new Keanu Reeves movie where they kill his puppy and he kills everyone.

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Random Thoughts: Wendy Davis, Book Cover, and Upcoming Election

Tuesday, October 14, 2014 9:29 am

It’s no fun being tolerant if there isn’t someone intolerant to feel superior to.

Good solution for low information voters: Have voting booths where you push buttons and cool things light but no vote is recorded.

*tosses birth control at a woman’s face*
“There you go, honey. Vote Democrat.”

On level 606 of Candy Crush, things really get interesting.

Why we only see negative ads in politics? “No one wants to get burgers from some John Wayne Gacy-inspired clown. Paid for by Burger King.”

“Wendy Davis will always stand up for victims. Unless they’re in a wheelchair. Or if they’re a baby.”

“Wendy Davis wears pink tennis shoes. Greg Abbott doesn’t even need shoes because he can’t walk. Vote Wendy Davis.”

“A tree would never attack Wendy Davis because she’s friends with the environment. Vote Wendy Davis.”

“Greg Abbott is confined to a wheelchair, much like the villain from X-Men, Mag-Neato. Vote Wendy Davis.”

“Do we really want someone who will refuse to stand to take the oath of office? Vote Wendy Davis.”

Didn’t know I got sent this, but here is the finals for my book cover.

My book should be in bookstores on Nov. 11th. If your bookstore doesn’t have it, ask them what the hell is wrong with them. “This is exactly why Amazon is shutting all you guys down.”

With a full-time writing job lined up and a book coming out in bookstores, I’m about ready to call myself a professional writer.

The most frustrating thing about people who rant against religion is that they think they don’t have one.

I think it would be fun to have a coffee mug that says “Not A Very Good Father.”
“My kids got me it!”

Anyone have any idea what this outlet is for? Our house built in late 70s has two of them.

Getting house ready to sell and am replacing beige outlets. Why would anyone choose beige? “I want everything to be the color of sadness.”

Okay. Googled “unknown wall outlet” and I think it may be for a connection to a rooftop TV antenna.

Wendy Davis
CONS: A nut. Not very bright.
PROS: Pink tennis shoes.

I think the reason most people look on abortion as a bad thing is that most people aren’t sociopaths.

If you want to talk about abortion as a good thing that should be celebrated, definitely avoid talking about the actual mechanics of it.

The reason people are repelled by abortions is it involves violently ripping apart a tiny human. Society will never get past that.

It would be cool if they did a biopic of Nic Cage. My idea for stunt casting for the lead: Nic Cage.

Really thrilled to see some Democrats get defeated this November. Kinda meh on seeing Republicans get elected, though.

If everything goes to plan, I’ll be moving from ID to TX week before election. Doesn’t seem proper to vote in either state.

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Random Thoughts: Star Wars, Millennials, and Moving to Texas

Friday, October 10, 2014 9:13 am

I remember the kids in the audience for Episode 1 loved Jar Jar Binks, so shouldn’t there be adults now who admit to liking him?

It doesn’t seem like he’s like the Ewoks – remembered fondly by those who were kids at the time they first saw the movie.

Disney should release definitive Star Wars in HD with original editions for 4-6 and blank discs for 1-3.

“We can all get free lunches if we go around breaking windows.” -Nobel Prize-winning economist Paul Krugman

To me, social issues are the most important issues, which is why I do my best to keep them away from politicians and the government.

Literally, the best thing we can do for Millennials is constantly make fun of them to break their unwarranted self-esteem.

Glad so much attention is being paid to Bill Maher and Ben Affleck debating Islam. Those are the two people who will probably solve things.

Did a very scary thing today: Gave 2 weeks notice to my engineering job which I enjoy. I’m moving to Austin, TX, to be a hipster/writer.

Very exciting opportunity has come up. And SarahK is a native Texan, so she’ll tell me how to behave. Hope Wendy Davis is a good governor.

So used to forcing out my writing in wee hours of the morning, don’t know what I’ll do with a full day. More time to stare at a blank page.

I’m going to be working as a writer for Emergent Order. You probably know them from the Kronies cartoons and the Keynes/Hayek rap battle.

They are a very talented group, and I can’t wait to see what we can make together.

I’m really honored they believe in me this much to hire me on full time. This is really crazy, and I can hardly believe it.

This is also very scary. I’m now going to be financially supporting my family using the part of my brain that came up with Nuke the Moon.

I’ll have to work on being a Texan. Is the emphasis on the “yee” or the “haw”?

And being a creative type in Austin, I’ll have to work on being cool. Like wearing bow ties and fezes.

Yes, I’m the kind of cool that makes obscure Doctor Who references.

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Random Thoughts: Rights and Libertarians

Thursday, October 9, 2014 9:35 am

If it involves someone else having to do something other than just leave you alone, it’s not a right.

Oh, I solved the puzzle: J.K. Rowling is taking over writing the next two books of Game of Thrones.

Wait, libertarians aren’t disciples of Joe Lieberman? Then what the hell are they?

*libertarian president takes office
“It’s time for freedom and–”
*libertarian movement collapses

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Random Thoughts: Billionaires, Presidents, and Fundraising

Wednesday, October 8, 2014 9:28 am

When Adam Smith was talking about an “invisible hand,” he was actually referring to his super-fast ninja punch.

I don’t know about the Koch brothers, but I find the billionaires like Bloomberg who spend money against liberty to be scarier.

What’s the positive message for Democrats this election? “We were saving all our competency for the last two years of the Obama presidency.”

With 8 years of Bush followed by 8 years of Obama, maybe in 2016 we should consider being done with presidents for a while.

I’ll be president in 2016 if you want. I’ll play videogames all day and leave you alone. I’ll still take the salary.

If the only way to beat Ebola is to out-fundraise it, we’re in good hands.

Who is Obama fundraising from? Who is seeing all this and wants more of it? Terrorist organizations?

Sorry, that just gets my goat. Of all the things you can do with money, but you choose to give it to a politician? That’s horrible.

I guess there is some confusion here; I’ve been trying to combat the problem of climate stasis.

Exactly how hard is it to forge Chuck E. Cheese prize tickets?

The silliness of having the government redefine the religious custom of marriage didn’t begin with gay marriage and won’t end with it.

Used to be the left questioned the institution of marriage. Now, they act like it’s the most important thing ever. How long will that last?

Oh well; can’t make logical arguments about marriage because there was never anything logical about it. Like having government regulate baptisms.

I’m against Rock the Vote. I don’t understand the benefits of encouraging idiots to vote.

Stephen King says it should take you 3 months to write a novel. I’m guessing George R.R. Martin goes by a different philosophy.

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Random Thoughts: Tolerance, Twin Peaks, and Play-Doh

Tuesday, October 7, 2014 9:15 am

More often than not now the language of tolerance is used for the purpose of exclusion.

Twin Peaks is returning. Maybe I should finally finish that 2nd season. Show sure went from awesome to meh quick.

Did the Native Americans try explaining to the European settlers that they’re in the wrong side of history?

It’s sad when you’re finally too old for Play-Doh and have to move on to Work-Doh.

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Random Thoughts: SJW, Birthday, and Taken 3

Monday, October 6, 2014 9:31 am

I’m just glad that none of the Professor Layton games ever had the puzzle “Fold a shirt.”

If a social justice warrior doesn’t publicly back-pat himself at least once per day, he’ll devolve into a racist, misogynist neanderthal.

My daughter’s 4th birthday is coming up and I haven’t thought of what to get her. How about a handshake and my respect?

I give it a 63% chance there is a ninja hanging from the ceiling of the White House right now.

Don’t want to sound like a conspiracy theorists, but Obama destroyed healthcare and gave us Ebola to keep us from looking into the moon landing.

Taken 3: The Search for Spock

“You just got tooked.” -Bob Takenowski, protagonist of Taken, upon shooting a guy

If you saw the Doctor Who Saturday night, it was a real tease, wasn’t it?

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Random Thoughts: California and Ebola

Friday, October 3, 2014 9:07 am

Sex in California now requires a notary public.

That’s progressivism. Starts with “Everyone should have sex all the time!” and eventually ends up with greater restrictions than Puritans.

The only time progressives have a problem with government restrictions on your personal life is when it’s done by other people than them.

Conservatives should be happy about California; they’re just one step away from requiring a marriage license to have sex.

“Now we need to pause this sex a moment for station identification.”

When near crowds of people, make sure to keep your mouth closed so no one vomits blood into it. #EbolaTips

It is not known whether getting your legs snagged by bolas can give you Ebola, so avoid getting pursued by ninjas. #EbolaTips

One of the main symptoms of Ebola to look for is sudden worry about diseases you read about online. #EbolaTips

Listen to me. I’m a doctor, for all you know.

The more knowledgable you are about Ebola, the more likely it will target you. It’s trying to eliminate threats. Remain ignorant. #EbolaTips

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Random Thoughts: Koran, Agreement, and Cigarettes

Monday, September 29, 2014 9:14 am

If there are parts of the Koran that say “Don’t murder people,” maybe in future editions they should bold those.

Can you imagine anything scarier than both major political parties being in complete agreement on everything?

SURGEON GENERAL WARNING: If you didn’t know cigarettes were bad for you until you read this, there is no hope for you.

What we need is a good guide on how to tell murdery Muslims from friendly ones.

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Random Thoughts: Spanking, Eric Holder, and Groundhogs

Friday, September 26, 2014 9:25 am

Is spanking a modern thing? Or are people saying that something that’s been the norm forever is extremely detrimental?

And if spanking is so detrimental and it’s becoming less popular, shouldn’t we see better kids now? Because all I see are goobers.

More like Eric Dropper. #PoliticalHumor

I got the jackpot on the Daily Booster Wheel in Candy Crush, so dreams do come true.

Eric Holder should be able to turn his time as Attorney General into a high paying job as a lobbyist or black market arms dealer.

It would be helpful if progressives came up with a handy list of viewpoints we’re no longer allowed to question.

Ever try and listen to the lyrics of songs? Most of it is nonsense.

Even if you’re really happy from the result of Groundhog Day, you’re not supposed to spike the groundhog.

Lord, please save science from “pro-science” laymen.

“If you’re not very good at your job, surround yourself with people even worse at theirs.” -Barack Obama

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