Archive for the ‘Random Thought’ Category

Random Thoughts: James Taylor, The Simpsons, and Michael Moore

Monday, January 19, 2015 8:16 am

This inappropriate use of James Taylor has the Obama administration going into “Simpsons did it!” territory.

Government is a great choice for anything where you don’t care about price or quality.

The Academy says they would have considered Selma for more nominations if Ryan Gosling played the lead.

A big problem with the Obama presidency is race relations hadn’t advanced far enough for us to properly deal with a terrible black president.

Pretty excited to have an audio version of my novel Superego in the works because then I’ll know at least someone read it. #humblebrag

I don’t want to sound pro-gun control, but I don’t think I could ever trust a cat with a gun.

Those “Don’t Hug Me I’m Scared” videos are more disturbing then any horror movie I’ve ever seen.

The episode in which Homer went to space will be old enough to drink next month. Am I old?

Was thinking of that episode because of the James Taylor thing. I assumed everyone would think of that.

Don’t think we’ll ever get rid of guns until we come up with something better at putting holes in things and people from long distances.

As far as I can figure, it’s embedded in children’s DNA that they love Mickey Mouse.

Spent two days this week working closely with Richard Dreyfuss but I forgot to take one of those selfies so no one will believe me.

He independently brought up sharks at one point. Felt like that would be worth at least two shots in a drinking game.

So is American Sniper going to be the first financially successful Iraq War movie?

I think the only way to improve our government is to open a competing Capitol down the street from the current one.

I wonder what’s going on with President Obama. Is he going to give us an update soon?

But is this football game “0-0 tie in soccer” exciting?

Michael Moore knows how to make an entertaining documentary but doesn’t have a clue how to convince someone who doesn’t already agree.

Of course, that assumes that’s ever his aim.

Michael Moore has made a lot of money for himself. I see no evidence he’s affected change on the issues he’s spoken out on.

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Random Thoughts: Oscars and Sharknado

Friday, January 16, 2015 8:12 am

They should put in more crowd pleasing Oscar categories, like “Most Money Earned.”

It was a little disconcerting how after they announced all the Oscars nominees they shouted, “White power!”

It’s worth remembering that Hollywood is the last place in America someone can say “Blacks need not apply” for a job with no repercussions.

Was The Lego Movie disqualified for having live action sequences? Only way I can make sense of it not getting best animated nomination.

I’m upset because that’s one of the three movies I saw last year.

We’ve known the Oscars are a big crock ever since Die Hard didn’t win best picture whatever year it came out.

We Christians used to corner the market on being offended by everything, but we just can’t compete anymore with Social Justice Warriors.

I joke about wanting to be president, but that job doesn’t actually pay enough to interest me into moving to D.C.

I honestly don’t know a single piece of music Kayne West is responsible for. Judge me accordingly.

Used to think I had an eclectic job when I’d work on C# web apps and 8-bit assembly in same day, but that’s nothing compared to my job now.

Could you imagine a Sharknado without Ian Ziering? No, it’s impossible.

Sharknado versus Bearicane — make it happen!

I really liked both Sharknados. They were exactly what i expected and I couldn’t have been happier.

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Random Thoughts: Satire, True Islam, and Violence

Thursday, January 15, 2015 8:18 am

It’s never punching down to satirize violent murderers.

So is the White House going to release a list of beliefs of true Islam so we’ll know who in the world is practicing Islam right?

Romney again? Can’t we find a new candidate that absolutely no one is excited about but everyone is kinda okay with?

Ted Cruz snorted coke with a young Obama?

If you call Islam violent and a Muslim attacks you, is that because he was offended or because he agreed with you?

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Random Thoughts: Religious Liberty, Texas, and the Patriarchy

Tuesday, January 13, 2015 8:08 am

Problem with religious liberty is it gets in way of important secular principle of the government being able to force you to do stuff.

Joe Biden couldn’t make it to the Paris march as he was busy with something important and had Shrinky Dinks in the oven.

Know how much money we’re wasting a year turning Joe Biden into a cyborg? $80 for construction paper and markers so he can make design plans.

For a comedian, how much time should you spend making fun of things versus telling people what isn’t funny and shouldn’t be made fun of?

I got my Texas driver’s license. I guess that means I’m officially a Texan now. Yoo-hee! …as we Texans say.

I’m a conservative Christian. I’m constantly offended by everything, and yet I’ve barely ever murdered anyone.

I don’t even know the last time I’ve watched a prime time show without being offended.

I’ve looked into feminism, but it still seems like the patriarchy has much more to offer me.

Is there a website that lists all the aspects of white privilege? Like are there discounts I’m missing?

I think a good secular way to refer to the founder of Islam would be “Muhammad Prime.”

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Random Thoughts: Free, Islamic Violence, and Golden Globes

Monday, January 12, 2015 8:13 am

I don’t use emojis. Back in my day we had a colon and a parentheses and that showed all the emotion we needed.

It should have been in the Constitution that the government isn’t allowed to use the word “free.”

When people are so sensitive to publishing things that offends Muslims, isn’t that Islamaphobia: fear of being killed by Muslims?

It really seems like the Middle East needs a complete reorg.

So are we supposed to analyze what the 2000 slaughtered did to provoke Boko Haram?

So are the left saying that if we offend them enough, they’ll start randomly murdering people?

I think it’s a good policy that when you murder or support murder, you lose the right to have your feelings cared about.

When the left hear a story about a woman being executed in the Middle East for being raped, do they say, “Maybe she drew a cartoon.”?

The Muslim world is full of inexcusable violence, but the contention is we’re the unlucky ones who get the violence that has logic to it.

12 people get gunned down over there, that’s just mindless violence. If it’s over here, then suddenly there’s logic to it.

Not offending religions is fine as long it’s even. If you offend Christians but avoid offending Muslims, the message is violence works.

Everyone who thinks we provoked this needs to explain at what point they would start murdering innocent people.

I like Jesus. Pretty big stretch to act like Jesus ever wanted you to hurt anybody.

“This is the march for free speech? Oh, I guess I’m in the next march, then.” -Eric Holder

It would really help people of lots of different cultures get along if we got rid of all other languages than English.

Neocons are conservatives who can dodge bullets in slow motion.

Golden Globes holds no interest for me. Only thing I watched in 2014 were a couple vines and instructional DVD on my new coffee pot.

I don’t even own a TV. I have ten different devices I can watch Netflix on, though.

I’ve considered making an award winning movie. I just have to know do Golden Globes and Oscars come with cash prizes?

I’m both really interested to see what will happen in its House of Cards 3rd season and think it’s actually not that great a show.

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Random Thoughts: Free College!

Friday, January 9, 2015 8:47 am

It’s important to show your kids love and affection as long as that doesn’t block the TV.

Islam needs more mockery until it gets used to it.

Will they be able to find another useless, arrogant idiot in California to replace Barbara Boxer?

Scientists have solved what came first, the chicken or the egg. What came first is the chegg – an animal half chicken, half egg. All cop.

“They may take our lives, but they’ll never take… Wait, where’s our freedom?”
“They took it while you were putting on the face paint.”

How about instead of paying for 14+ years of mainly worthless schooling, we offer free daycare until your kids are 30.

When people refer to something the government offers as “free,” it does suggest people need a lot more education.

I won’t take your money at gunpoint to buy you crappy presents. #FrankJ2016

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Random Thoughts: Speaker, Scientists, and Islam

Thursday, January 8, 2015 8:15 am

Wow this speaker vote stuff is…
*stretches and yawns for 30 seconds*
…really exciting.

So how dumb do you have to be to be a super-smart scientist?

The thing about speech is that no matter how “offensive” it is, it’s entirely within the individual’s power to choose how to react to it.

Like most Americans, I haven’t actually studied Islam enough to know whether it promotes violence or not.

One problem is there a very large portion of the world where a death sentence for blasphemy and apostasy is considered normal.

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Random Thoughts: Science, de Blasio, and Downton Abbey

Monday, January 5, 2015 9:01 am

If the more you know about science the more arrogant you become instead of more humble, then you don’t understand science.

The left are upset about police turning their backs on de Blasio because all their visions of an authoritarian future involved the police blindly following their commands.

Why are there other countries? #AmericaInFiveWords

I think Doonesbury’s edginess and relevance goes great right next to Family Circus.

If a plane disappears, my first suspect would be CNN as they have the most to gain from it.

Okay, I’m finally going to ask: Is Curious George a monkey or an ape?

I think God is at his most right-wing in I Samuel 8 where he warns that kings suck because they’ll boss you around and tax you.

I’ll believe the left actually cares about racism when they attack people politically aligned with them over it.

If you’re a Democrat who never spoke up against Ted Kennedy, then any outrage over a politician’s conduct is obviously crocodile tears.

If there isn’t a Back to The Future remake out this year where the main character travels 30 years back to 1985, you fail, Hollywood.

“Sure we had a setback in 2014, but now that we have a picture of Trig Palin standing on a dog, we can finally turn things around!”-the left

If I ever had to get a mugshot, I’d do a Jim Halpert face.

Science used to be about more than flattering one’s ego.

A more relevant Robocop reboot would have had him programmed with social justice directives.

Not to defend the patriarchy, but didn’t it make… everything?

Too bad Neil deGrasse Tyson wasn’t around for the Titanic. “The solution it seems to me is to create an unsinkable ship.”

“I’ve made an unhackable computer.”
“It’s just a power cord connected to a cardboard box.”

I’m selling jars full of industrial-grade science. Sprinkle on your computer to make it unhackable.

Do movies really need credits anymore? If someone wants to know who gripped what key, can’t they just look it up on IMDB?

Huckabee is joining the race so Jeb won’t be conservatives’ least favorite candidate.

“Come on, Marty, we have to find your kids!”
“Okay, Doc, but what’s all these references to 9/11 in the news?”

A significant number of black people seem to have really outdated stereotypes about white people.

Anyone who would hug Jerry Jones would probably as president French kiss Kim Jong Un.

The Cowboys are America’s team. All other teams are only popular in North Korea.

If I ever tried to be clever, I would succeed.

New Downton Abbey: Mary is wooed by the refined, erudite Mr. Peanut.

Great idea for a Downton Abbey spinoff: Lady Grantham and Mrs. Crowley, P.I.s.

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Random Thoughts: North Korea and Al Sharpton

Monday, December 22, 2014 9:28 am

It seems like President Obama has been stuck in a quagmire for a while. Here’s my idea to turn things around: Start wearing a cape.

We’ve put up with a lot of horrible things from North Korea, but apparently less James Franco on the big screen was the last draw.

How would North Korea have terrorists over here to attack theaters? Who would get out of there and over here and still be loyal to them? “Time to show those imperialist dogs– Wow! Food!”

Finally got a couch to lounge on. That was a 6 week stretch of couchlessness.

You can’t have racial equality when Al Sharpton is treated as having more legitimacy as a commentator than David Duke.

“When I was your age, I walked 7 miles uphill to school both ways and file names could only be 8 characters long.”

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Random Thoughts: North Korea, Self-Esteem, and Dogs

Friday, December 19, 2014 8:27 am

You can’t write humor about assassinating awful dictators? Well, there goes my TV series pitch.

Hollywood, I think understand the sort of things you want. My pitch: Chia Pets, the Movie. That will be one millions dollars, please.

So how is The Interview worse than Team America? Or are we just more cowardly now?

How do you even justify still being a Communist country these days? “Don’t you want to join the powerhouses Cuba, Vietnam, and North Korea?”

Whose dumb idea was it to give kids self-esteem? I say no self-esteem until you have a job and are living on your own.

Remember when 30 Rock made fun of North Korea. Would that not fly now?

Did a table read of some scripts are worked on. I now have a job where that sort of thing happens.

I guess working as a programmer, we could have done table reads of scripts, but not many people can make Python come alive.

Anyway, working on something really really cool. Can’t wait for everyone to see it, but that will probably be months from now.

“What’s going on is beyond my comprehension, but perhaps it will all become clear if I tilt my head 15 degrees to the right.” -dogs

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Random Thoughts: Jeb Bush and Frank J. 2016

Wednesday, December 17, 2014 8:12 am

Obviously Jeb more qualified to be president than Hillary. He has two former presidents in his immediate family while Hillary only has one.

Can I just write a check out to “Not Jeb”?

I’m joking. I’d rather burn my money than willingly give it to a politician. At least I’d get warmth out of that deal.

Reminder: I’m now old enough to be president. If elected, I’ll just quietly cash my check each week and leave you all alone.

Would anyone mind if the State of the Union Address was just a single tweet?

My measure of being a successful president would be most people not being able to identify me.

Don’t worry: The government has a national Bush reserve for if we’re ever threatened of running out of Bushes to run for president.

A good slogan for Jeb in the primaries would be “Resign to your fate.”

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Random Thoughts: Serial and the ACA

Monday, December 15, 2014 8:36 am

The one thing I didn’t get from all the talk about Serial is that it’s non-fiction.

BTW, now that I have a decent-sized commute, I’m getting into the world of podcasts and audiobooks. Recommendations welcome.

Man, I have not been following politics very closely lately. When does Wendy Davis take over as my governor?

As an aspiring fiction writer, I was completely intimidated by Serial when I thought it was fiction. “Such imaginative details!”

“And how’d they get such naturalistic performances out of all these different voice actors?”

I did a “die-in” protest in my bed this morning.

While it’s true that “everything dies,” I still don’t get why Obama made that the slogan for the Affordable Care Act.

Maybe someone should host a big international debate on whether Muslims should murder people or not because I’d like to hear both sides.

Shouldn’t we be moving on from killing people because of weird beliefs in God to killing people because of weird beliefs in economics and science?

Waterboarding Gremlins just makes more of them.

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Random Thoughts: Humility, Starbucks, and Torture

Wednesday, December 10, 2014 8:30 am

For me, humility is pretty hard. Takes a lot of effort not to not feel superior to everyone. At least I try to be humble, unlike others.

Is it just me, or do Starbucks cups and lids have a decently high failure rate in keeping a watertight seal? Need more innovation there.

Torture is one of those things we’re against in the abstract but okay with in specific cases.

“Should we torture people?”
“Absolutely not.”
“Should we torture Khalid Sheikh Mohammed?”
“Oh yeah. Go to town on him.”

“I don’t like how police are behaving so I’m going to riot and burn stuff until you want even more police.”

It takes quite a bit of googling and research to realize I’m famous.

One of the problems with the Swift programming language is often when googling for information on it, I get result about Taylor Swift.

Waterboard someone enough and they’ll admit it’s not torture.

You made 24 a hit show and suddenly you’re against torture? Whatever, America.

Resident Evil 4 is a good example of how good story and writing have absolutely nothing to do with good gameplay.

“Everyone other than me is an idiot.” -basis for most of progressive legislation

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Random Thoughts: Christmas Xcode Writer Soccer Liable

Tuesday, December 9, 2014 8:27 am

Merry Christmas! And happy other holidays we inflate in importance for multicultural reasons because they’re near Christmas!

Okay, the Playgrounds in Xcode 6 are pretty cool. All IDEs should have something like that.

Yes, I am now a full-time writer, but I also might do some iOS apps. I write code and prose. I’m a double-threat.

Cultural Difference: In a BBC comedy not knowing about soccer was meant to make characters look unmanly while that means opposite here.

I’m going to hack people’s Twitter accounts and add to their bios “I’m legally liable for the words and actions of anyone I RT.”

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Random Thoughts: Death Swift Library Fool

Monday, December 8, 2014 8:20 am

“I don’t believe in the death penalty; I just believe in passing lots of arbitrary laws that people with guns will sometimes kill over.”

Why have I been spending an hour trying to get a substring in Swift?! Why is that like landing a space shuttle?!

“Your dishonesty about what books you have on hand have turned this truthbrary into a library.”

“You’ve heard it said ‘Condemn the fool.’ But I say ‘Pity the fool.'” -Mr. T as Jesus

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Random Thoughts: Organic Violent Republic

Friday, December 5, 2014 8:34 am

A modern day apocryphal Marie Antoinette would say, “Let them eat non-GMO organic.”

When you criminalize non-violent actions, people will be killed for non-violent actions.

“We now cut from our coverage of Eric Garner to go to the new top story in white people news: The New Republic masthead.”

Oh, it’s fun to make fun of white people. I hope they’re always around.

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Random Thoughts: Eric Garner

Thursday, December 4, 2014 8:16 am

The biggest nonsense about the Obama daughters criticism scandal is that anyone cares about the dignity of a turkey pardoning ceremony.

If you want to show dignity for the office of the president, don’t pardon turkeys in big ceremonies.

So basically NYC cops can choke you to death over 75 cents?

If Bloomberg got his way, people would also be strangled to death over selling large sodas.

Body cameras on police officers will allow us to get even more righteously angry when cops aren’t indicted.

Another reminder that before you propose a law, ask if you’re willing to kill someone over this. Because that happens. #EricGarner

Obama: “Let this be a lesson: Pay your Obamacare tax or I’ll have police strangle you.”

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Random Thoughts: Clamshell and Swords

Wednesday, December 3, 2014 8:33 am

Man, I want to finally see Guardians of the Galaxy. Trying to decide if I $20 want to see it or can wait to rent next Tuesday.

I try to save my outrage for things like mass slaughter, but I tend to use it up on clamshell packaging.

Maybe you’re under constant threat because you’re a jerk who hangs swords over people’s heads, Dionysius.

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Random Thoughts: Ferguson, Justice, and Obamacare

Monday, December 1, 2014 9:00 am

Hey, everyone: Try not to be racist and try not to riot.

What I’m hearing is that a lot of black people are feeling powerless because of Ferguson… except for one who is bypassing Congress with executive actions.

Regardless of the merits of one case, the fact that a large segment of the population find cops a cause of distress must be addressed.

Never be blasé about people who feel oppressed by government power. That’s something to be consistent about.

Trying Objective-C for the first time. “NO” and “YES” instead of “true” and “false” for boolean? Was this made for babies?

So far President Obama’s only plan for Ferguson is to flood the town with illegal immigrants.

If black people like how things are and don’t want anything to change, they should keep voting for Democrats.

US: “We need jobs!”
Obama: “Here’s my new healthcare plan I’m shoving down your throats!”
*4 years pass
Schumer: “Hey, wait a second…”

For people victimizing random businesses in response to a shooting, is it okay to doubt their sincerity in wanting “justice”?

You sure you want “justice”, guy looting liquor store? I don’t think that will work out well for you.

The dad’s burden is that by the time he sits down to eat the pancake breakfast, it’s cold.

“We should make a solar-powered calculator.”
“That’s a great idea! What else would be useful to be solar-powered?”
*thinks a bit
“That’s it”

I never understood putting raisins in cookies. Have you never heard of chocolate chips or are you just some sort of misanthrope?

“What a perfect, creamy chocolate batter for my brownies.”
*the devil appears on her shoulder

So are you actually allergic to meat or do you just not eat it because that’s trendy?

“We’re out of new lightsaber ideas. What do you got?”
“Tiny lightsaber blades stick out the side.”
“For what purpose?”
“It needs a purpose?”

How do I explain silent letters to my 4yo?
“Our language was made by madmen and psychopaths.”

Best I can figure about silent letters is there are union rules where you have to hire certain letters whether you need them or not.

The air doesn’t seem to like Texas as it’s always in a big rush to get out of here.

You know how when there are 3 urinals, one is hung lower than the others? Why not just hang them all low?

Have you ever been like, “I’m glad I got a higher urinal! Those are so much more convenient for my height!”?

Weird how like every gas pump instructs you to lift the handle even though it’s been years since I’ve seen a pump where the handle lifts.

Barack Obama doesn’t care about black people on a whole other level than white presidents.

I’m so used to sitcoms without laugh tracks that ones with it seem desperate now. “See? My friends think I’m funny.”

My daughter thinks the queso from Trochy’s Tacos is called “tor-cheese.”

Not to sound negative about Obamacare, but I don’t get the advantage of having more of my healthcare decisions made by sociopathic idiots.

Sorry. I just had to pick a new healthcare plan, and it’s hard to do that and not want to strangle people.

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Random Thoughts: Feminism, Avengers, and Ebola

Friday, October 24, 2014 9:20 am

Just a reminder: The left only care about women, racism, or anything else in so much as it helps their partisan politics.

All their feminism will get immediately chucked out the window if they have a chance to humiliate a conservative woman.

About half my thoughts today are of that Avengers trailer. And about all my thoughts are in that James Spader voice.

When they say they can no longer detect the Ebola virus in someone, how do we know it hasn’t evolved a stealth mode?

Okay, I’m finally going to have to ask: What’s google?

Is a GamerGate used to keep out gamers or to keep out other people who might pester you while you’re gaming?

I wish people of all races and ethnicities could have white privilege.

Giuliani knew that when you crack down on small crimes, like broken windows, you keep Ebola from getting in the city.

Today is the last day of my engineering job. Bittersweet. I’m going to pray for something to break so I can debug it.

Wow, lots of stuff going on in NYC. Never have anything that interesting happening in Boise.

The most important things about Ebola is not to panic. Like if you think you might have Ebola, that’s no reason to cancel bowling plans.

I shouldn’t make fun of the doctor. Bravery-wise I don’t stand up very well against a guy who went to Africa to treat Ebola patients.

Are we sure there is a CDC? Like someone called their number and made sure someone answered?

We really need to work on our not panicking. We need to get that down soon or we’re all going to die.

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