Archive for the ‘Random Thought’ Category

Random Thoughts: Rights and Libertarians

Thursday, October 9, 2014 9:35 am

If it involves someone else having to do something other than just leave you alone, it’s not a right.

Oh, I solved the puzzle: J.K. Rowling is taking over writing the next two books of Game of Thrones.

Wait, libertarians aren’t disciples of Joe Lieberman? Then what the hell are they?

*libertarian president takes office
“It’s time for freedom and–”
*libertarian movement collapses

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Random Thoughts: Billionaires, Presidents, and Fundraising

Wednesday, October 8, 2014 9:28 am

When Adam Smith was talking about an “invisible hand,” he was actually referring to his super-fast ninja punch.

I don’t know about the Koch brothers, but I find the billionaires like Bloomberg who spend money against liberty to be scarier.

What’s the positive message for Democrats this election? “We were saving all our competency for the last two years of the Obama presidency.”

With 8 years of Bush followed by 8 years of Obama, maybe in 2016 we should consider being done with presidents for a while.

I’ll be president in 2016 if you want. I’ll play videogames all day and leave you alone. I’ll still take the salary.

If the only way to beat Ebola is to out-fundraise it, we’re in good hands.

Who is Obama fundraising from? Who is seeing all this and wants more of it? Terrorist organizations?

Sorry, that just gets my goat. Of all the things you can do with money, but you choose to give it to a politician? That’s horrible.

I guess there is some confusion here; I’ve been trying to combat the problem of climate stasis.

Exactly how hard is it to forge Chuck E. Cheese prize tickets?

The silliness of having the government redefine the religious custom of marriage didn’t begin with gay marriage and won’t end with it.

Used to be the left questioned the institution of marriage. Now, they act like it’s the most important thing ever. How long will that last?

Oh well; can’t make logical arguments about marriage because there was never anything logical about it. Like having government regulate baptisms.

I’m against Rock the Vote. I don’t understand the benefits of encouraging idiots to vote.

Stephen King says it should take you 3 months to write a novel. I’m guessing George R.R. Martin goes by a different philosophy.

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Random Thoughts: Tolerance, Twin Peaks, and Play-Doh

Tuesday, October 7, 2014 9:15 am

More often than not now the language of tolerance is used for the purpose of exclusion.

Twin Peaks is returning. Maybe I should finally finish that 2nd season. Show sure went from awesome to meh quick.

Did the Native Americans try explaining to the European settlers that they’re in the wrong side of history?

It’s sad when you’re finally too old for Play-Doh and have to move on to Work-Doh.

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Random Thoughts: SJW, Birthday, and Taken 3

Monday, October 6, 2014 9:31 am

I’m just glad that none of the Professor Layton games ever had the puzzle “Fold a shirt.”

If a social justice warrior doesn’t publicly back-pat himself at least once per day, he’ll devolve into a racist, misogynist neanderthal.

My daughter’s 4th birthday is coming up and I haven’t thought of what to get her. How about a handshake and my respect?

I give it a 63% chance there is a ninja hanging from the ceiling of the White House right now.

Don’t want to sound like a conspiracy theorists, but Obama destroyed healthcare and gave us Ebola to keep us from looking into the moon landing.

Taken 3: The Search for Spock

“You just got tooked.” -Bob Takenowski, protagonist of Taken, upon shooting a guy

If you saw the Doctor Who Saturday night, it was a real tease, wasn’t it?

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Random Thoughts: California and Ebola

Friday, October 3, 2014 9:07 am

Sex in California now requires a notary public.

That’s progressivism. Starts with “Everyone should have sex all the time!” and eventually ends up with greater restrictions than Puritans.

The only time progressives have a problem with government restrictions on your personal life is when it’s done by other people than them.

Conservatives should be happy about California; they’re just one step away from requiring a marriage license to have sex.

“Now we need to pause this sex a moment for station identification.”

When near crowds of people, make sure to keep your mouth closed so no one vomits blood into it. #EbolaTips

It is not known whether getting your legs snagged by bolas can give you Ebola, so avoid getting pursued by ninjas. #EbolaTips

One of the main symptoms of Ebola to look for is sudden worry about diseases you read about online. #EbolaTips

Listen to me. I’m a doctor, for all you know.

The more knowledgable you are about Ebola, the more likely it will target you. It’s trying to eliminate threats. Remain ignorant. #EbolaTips

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Random Thoughts: Koran, Agreement, and Cigarettes

Monday, September 29, 2014 9:14 am

If there are parts of the Koran that say “Don’t murder people,” maybe in future editions they should bold those.

Can you imagine anything scarier than both major political parties being in complete agreement on everything?

SURGEON GENERAL WARNING: If you didn’t know cigarettes were bad for you until you read this, there is no hope for you.

What we need is a good guide on how to tell murdery Muslims from friendly ones.

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Random Thoughts: Spanking, Eric Holder, and Groundhogs

Friday, September 26, 2014 9:25 am

Is spanking a modern thing? Or are people saying that something that’s been the norm forever is extremely detrimental?

And if spanking is so detrimental and it’s becoming less popular, shouldn’t we see better kids now? Because all I see are goobers.

More like Eric Dropper. #PoliticalHumor

I got the jackpot on the Daily Booster Wheel in Candy Crush, so dreams do come true.

Eric Holder should be able to turn his time as Attorney General into a high paying job as a lobbyist or black market arms dealer.

It would be helpful if progressives came up with a handy list of viewpoints we’re no longer allowed to question.

Ever try and listen to the lyrics of songs? Most of it is nonsense.

Even if you’re really happy from the result of Groundhog Day, you’re not supposed to spike the groundhog.

Lord, please save science from “pro-science” laymen.

“If you’re not very good at your job, surround yourself with people even worse at theirs.” -Barack Obama

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Random Thoughts: Salute, Religion, and Bending iPhones

Thursday, September 25, 2014 9:20 am

I correctly set my expectations about Obama after reelection and thus haven’t been legitimately outraged by anything he’s done in years.

Are some people outraged by the coffee cup salute? That just made me chuckle and say, “That’s our Obama.”

I know we like to say Islam isn’t the problem in the Middle East, but have they tried a different religion? Israel did, and that worked out.

Maybe ISIS will stop beheading people if we explain to them how they really should be focusing on climate change.

You want a larger iPhone that isn’t bendable? There is no pleasing you people.

I guess to fix the bendable iPhone problem, Apple will have to issue a firmer-ware update.

I did have to really love Lost at some point to let it make me that angry.

Dick Cheney bit Obama and he became one.

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Random Thoughts: Lasers, Scientists, and Equality

Wednesday, September 24, 2014 9:13 am

In my opinion as a legal expert, that definitely appears to be a law of some sort.

What we need are space lasers. Terrorism won’t end until we can zap terrorists from space.

Ooh, so you’re a scientist, Neil DeGrasse Tyson? Did you invent a laser or an iPhone or anything useful? No? Then shut up.

“I have some new conclusions on black holes.”
“Thanks, Stephen Hawking. That’s super-useful. We’ll put that to good use right away.”

How many times a day am I supposed to apologize for being a straight white male?

We really should finish our previous wars before we begin starting new ones.

Despite all this feminism and equality stuff, women are still going to be the ones birthing babies, right? Because I ain’t doing that.

The reaction to True Detective casting of “Ah! White guys!” shows how many can’t draw a line between fighting racism and being race obsessed.

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Random Thoughts: Climate Change and Guns

Tuesday, September 23, 2014 9:05 am

So what if the climate is changing? It’s normal for things to change. You should know this from evolutions in Pokemon.

So far, all the new Doctors have been great. And Eccleston. #DoctorWho

Why is it extra threatening when a guy is found to have a whole arsenal of guns? A person can only ever use two at a time.

The Science Is Settled: We’re never going to care about climate change.

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Random Thoughts: iPhone, Equality, and MMA

Monday, September 22, 2014 9:15 am

If you told me as a child that in 2014 people would stand hours in line to buy a phone, I would have thought the Soviets had won.

Is David Brooks a parody of something I just don’t get? I’ve never been able to fathom the existence of his columns.

So what’s the end goal of the equal pay bill? Women, despite wanting to stay home with kids, should be forced to work as many hours as men?

I hope at 75 I have a robot body with Gatling gun arms.

Is it sexist to be attracted to only one gender?

Just feed endangered species to the homeless. That gets rid of two problems.

If women want equality they have to commit like a ton more crime. Stop cooking dinner and start cooking meth.

Those big iPhone 6s all look so big and stupid. I’m glad – GLAD – that I’m not eligible for an upgrade yet with Verizon.

I’d say that’s the main problem with people’s conception of science: They think it deals with Truth when it actually only deals with truth.

Capital T Truth is the domain of religion. You can argue that’s unknowable, but it’s ludicrous to think science has anything to say about it.

I just remembered I had a record player as a little kid. I used to listen to Sesame Street on it. I’m older than I thought.

So which side is “anti-science” on the transgender issue? Kinda seems like it’s the ones acting like the X Y stuff doesn’t mean anything.

I get turning your brain off a little for the sake of tolerance, but when you have a man fighting a woman in MMA, turn it back on.

“So what is the game Destiny?”
“it’s a first-person shooter where…”

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Random Thoughts: Ground Troops, Scotland, and Apple

Friday, September 19, 2014 9:21 am

Make sure to read my short story on the truth behind science. It will make you a better person.

It won’t make you a better person. Because you’re great as is.

I’m against sending ground troops into Iraq. Space troops, though, would be awesome.

Remember when President Obama got a Nobel Peace Prize just for existing and some people thought that wasn’t mockable?

So basically, if Scotland secedes, the whole world collapses into anarchy?

I called up Apple and said I forgot my pin code and needed them to retrieve my user data, and they replied, “Nice try, pig!”

“What’s the deal with these serial killings?” -Jerry Seinfeld, homicide detective

A picture is worth a thousand words, but an emoji is worth -3.

So do a lot of people really not like the episode “Fly” from Breaking Bad? Just rewatched it, and it’s a great episode.

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Random Thoughts: iOS 8, Shakespeare, and GamerGate

Thursday, September 18, 2014 9:13 am

Tip for the Left: Spend time attacking Biden, Reid for racism. Then when you attack right, we might actually believe it’s not just partisan.

The reason the iOS 8 download is so big is that it includes all of U2’s albums.

I had never heard of Shakespeare before I read about this Biden quote controversy.

Actually, I think I was forced to read some Shakespeare in high school. All I remember from it was this constant whining about “phonies.”

Is there anyway to hand out the MacArthur Genius Grant without it sounding sarcastic? “Here you go, genius.”

I want to see that new FOX cooking show “Got Ham.” It’s supposed to have Batman in it for some reason.

My favorite scene in Shakespeare is that speech directed at Lady Macbeth about “I am the one who knocks!”

This has to be the most anyone has talked about Scotland since England executed Mel Gibson.

I don’t think this #GamerGate thing is going to go away unless there is some bombshell like a release date on Half Life 3.

Have to feel bad for gaming journalist who just want to write whiny social commentary but are stuck doing 50 posts a day about Destiny.

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Random Thoughts: Equal Pay, Hillary, and Neil deGrasse Tyson

Wednesday, September 17, 2014 9:05 am

A gullible woman earns 77 cents on the dollar compared to a man who is more skeptical of statistics he read.

Maybe now that Microsoft has bought Minecraft, they can improve its graphics. The game looks like it’s from the late 90s.

If I were president, I wouldn’t let the U.S. be the world’s policeman anymore. Instead, we’d be the world’s Batman.

Maybe the world’s Punisher.

I keep seeing everyone talk about updog. What is it?

To get with the times, the next Duke Nukem game will have the title character go to sensitivity training. It should come out 20 yrs from now.

Hillary has to be careful to not let the fact that she’s not particularly good at anything distract from how she’s a woman.

Can I use a 3D printer to print pieces of paper which I then use in my regular printer?

Who cares about a few quotes Neil deGrasse Tyson made up? It’s not like accuracy is important in science.

Neil deGrasse Tyson is a big hypocrite. He talks about science and rationality, but he spends his evenings setting up leprechaun traps.

“Once this guy said to me, ‘Duh. I don’t know science.’ That guy sure didn’t know science. True story.” -Neil deGrasse Tyson

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Random Thoughts: Scotland, Minecraft, and Hillary

Tuesday, September 16, 2014 9:17 am

On Scottish independence, I’m on the side of having less countries. There’s like 200 of them most of them are pointless.

How many European countries do we actually need? I think 5 different countries at most would cover whole spectrum of Europeans.

Like do we need both a Belgium and a France? No. We need to be consolidating similar countries instead of making new ones.

Wow. Stupid Microsoft. I paid only $13 for Minecraft because I bought it back when it was in alpha.

“It looks like you’re trying to mine obsidian. Would you like some help?” #MicroCraft

So exactly how rich is Notch now? Does he basically own Sweden?

At this point, isn’t Hillary Clinton basically the Yankees of politicians?

If ever read President Obama’s al Qaeda fan fiction, it’s actually very good with lots of well developed characters.

“Thank you, Mario! But our princess is in another castle! Maybe you can use this time to reflect on this misogynistic quest structure.”

Guide to Understanding the West: If we make obvious effort to not be racist against your culture, that means we think it’s pretty pathetic.

Science will never return your love.

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Random Thoughts: Obama’s Plans, Peace, and Drunken Brawls

Monday, September 15, 2014 9:08 am

Main things ruining all of President Obama’s plans:
1. Individual liberty
2. The Constitution
3. Biden getting chocolate on everything

It was nice how Peter raised Tabitha from the dead, but couldn’t he have also gotten people to stop calling her “Dorcas.”

When the U.S. tries giving peace a chance, we get really restless within a couple weeks.

It’s cute when little kids say they want to be president one day and then draw out Iraq invasion plans in crayon.

I once was in a drunken brawl with Sarah Palin, but I didn’t mention it because she beat me up pretty bad.

Called me a “moose sympathizer” and suddenly she was this hurricane of fists and elbows.

I didn’t mention it because I was kinda embarrassed and I just thought it was a common occurrence when visiting Alaska.

Playing “Mark of the Ninja.” I was hoping the protagonist in it would be named Mark so the title would have a double meaning.

If you’re acting like it’s weird Sarah Palin suplexed a guy into a table, then you obviously haven’t been in very many drunken brawls.

“I should have said, ‘The jerk store called; they’re running out of you!'” I uttered hours later when I awoke in the burn ward.

Actually, I think if you made a gun’s trigger out of a strand of hair, it would be pretty much impossible to fire.

This gas pump needs to update its drawing of a cellphone. Whoops; took the picture with my cellphone.

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Random Thoughts: ISIS, War, and RE4

Friday, September 12, 2014 9:21 am

“I want to assure you that the organization called ‘Islamic State Made By Islamic People Who Are Really Islamic’ is not Islamic.”

Here’s an idea: We donate to ISIS a bunch of planes to make it easier to kill them from the air.

Does every time our country shoot and bomb people, we have to put a label on it? #NotAWar

A newspaper needs to put out an all caps headline: “WARISHNESS!”

Now every time I have to pull my iPhone out of my pocket, I think of how much simpler life would be with an Apple Watch.

Hmm. Resident Evil 4 is on sale on Steam. Should I buy it for a 3rd time?

I am so itching to play it again. It’s definitely one of my top 5 games of all time.

That’s what makes the sequels so frustrating. It’s like RE4 was a weird accident and Capcom has no idea how to reproduce it.

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Random Thoughts: Class War, Iraq, and What’s Islamic

Thursday, September 11, 2014 9:16 am

The Apple Watch doesn’t have a camera so it can’t watch anything and thus the name makes no sense.

Some of the new iPhone 6 features seem neat, but I like the size of my 5S.

If we had a class war, I think the rich would win because they could afford lasers cannons against which the poor have no defense.

Hopefully President Obama can use our military might to intimidate our enemies, as a tank is still scary even if a puppy is driving it.

One the single hardest things to do as president is to not have a war in Iraq.

Who’s the central authority on what is and isn’t Islamic?

Really, I think arguing what is and isn’t Islamic is kinda pointless from a non-Muslim.

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Random Thoughts: Apple Watch

Wednesday, September 10, 2014 9:12 am

Maybe the iPhone 6 will be rotary. I miss rotary phones.

Now they just introduced the iDuct Tape which makes the iPhone wearable.

Apple could probably get away with just slapping an Apple logo on what Samsung came out with last year and no one paid attention to.

Tim Cook just announced that they’ve teamed up with the Obama administration to make the new Apple Watch mandatory.

When will they answer the main question on everyone’s mind: Will it have a Dick Tracy app?

I have to wait until next year? I guess I’ll set an alert on my Apple Watch to tell me when… oh.

Tim Cook: “Apple products preform 27% better than a dog in continuing to love you when no one else will.”

Eh. I think I’ll let you guys beta test these things and get gen 2.

Is it worth $350 to not have to pull my phone out of my pocket to see who just texted me?

So no mention of battery life?
“What time is it, Apple Watch?”
“Time to charge me!”

For the socially conscious, your fancy new Apple Watch will occasionally give you a text alert to care about poor people.

Oh, the Apple Watch doesn’t have a battery. You have to keep it plugged in all the time.

If you can handle me at my peak, you don’t deserve me at my normal traffic levels.

I like playing indie video games. It makes me feel cultured.

There’s a strong correlation between the decline in popularity of Mr. T and the rise in jibber jabber.

Was thinking I’d pass on Apple Watch, but checking out on , it’s actually pretty nifty looking.

I think it looks stupid with the sports bands, but the other options are pretty. Wondering about cost, though.

And I like that they actually focused on it keeping good, accurate time. Not like the iPhone not being a good phone.

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Random Thoughts: Bigots, Apple, and the NFL

Tuesday, September 9, 2014 9:13 am

Most of the justification for bigotry these days is claiming the group you’re bigoted against is bigoted.

It’s exciting when an Apple event isn’t just an upgrade for a current device but a new device we’ll eventually have to upgrade.

Is it sexist to be extra outraged by a man punching a woman? Whatever; I’m probably sexist.

I’ve never really been into “music.” Can someone please explain the appeal?

I’m a caring individual. I’ve always been caring. Some say I care too much. And that’s why I’m not waving my hands in the air.

So I have a few more hours to enjoy my iPhone 5S before I hate it for being a stupid, outdated piece of garbage.

Before video came out of Ray Rice punching his fiancé, did the NFL think it was some wacky, sitcom-type mishap that rendered her unconscious?

Sports are good and all, but every kid in this country should have much higher ambitions than handling a ball really well.

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