Random Thoughts: Election Reactions (Including Crow to Eat)

Voting is the state trying to get your fingerprints on the murder weapon.

According to Exit Polls, people prefer a glowing red sign flush to the wall.

Make sure to UV scan people’s “I Voted” stickers to confirm they’re not counterfeit.

No matter who you vote for, I won’t get angry. I know how horrible the person is you’re voting against.

So we’re all just waiting to see how Bill Mitchell responds when it becomes clear Trump lost? [Ed. Note: Bill Mitchell was right about everything I was very wrong]

I hope the Trump concession speech is epic. No reason to hold back. [Ed. Note: Trump gave a very nice victory speech]

I hope in Hillary’s victory speech she thanks all the people who voted for Trump in the primary since that will be the only reason she won. [Ed. Note: I am an out of touch elitist]

No where in the Constitution does it give the government the right to spend our tax dollars on “I Voted” stickers.

I don’t think any of us are mentally prepared for a Trump win. Like a meteor hitting – possible but don’t think it will actually happen.

As much as I always dreamed of Hillary losing the presidency, I’m scared.

The only winner in all this is Nate Silver.

Apparently there are hidden Trump voters. Some could be in your house right now. Maybe standing right behind you.

You encourage people to go out and vote and this is what happens.

People thought Trump was a plant to get Hillary elected, but what if it’s the other way around?

If Hillary loses, it’s not because of the emails. That’s just a symptom of her huge problems.

The only surviving pundits will be Nate Silver and the Dilbert guy.

What if Bill Mitchell is the only sane one among us?
The ground game was in their hearts! It was!

Can Mexico even afford the wall?

So we’re looking at a Trump presidency with really confused Republican majorities in House and Senate.

What’s gong to happen to the taco trucks?

You Dems weren’t listening much on limiting executive power the past 8 years; want to revisit that?

Let this be a lesson: Whatever power you give the government, remember that one day it will be wielded by a Trump.

“We just weren’t patronizing and smug enough!” -left-wingers right now

It seemed like Trump was about as awful as possible. He just wasn’t more awful than what’s considered normal for D.C.

We had already explained to the kids an awful lady was going to be our next president. I don’t even know how to explain this to them.

Left, right, all skin colors and religions – we’re just going to have to hug it out and get through this, okay?

“One in three of my simulations had this happening.” -Nate Silver to whoever is near him at the sports bar

Trump is the worst man to have ever run for our presidency. He’s apparently not the worst person, though.

I so wanted to gloat on a Hillary loss, but I’m too much in shock. I can’t even imagine what this all means.

I guess we’re not going to get our historic first president who is a spouse of a previous president.

I hope the left is ready for the soul-searching that the GOP is apparently avoiding.

I still don’t even understand how it’s physically possible to take Trump seriously. He’s this 90s novelty act.

Hillary was taking what everyone hates about politicians and then rubbing everyone’s faces in it. Bad gamble.

A lot of talk on what GOP has done wrong to lose all minorities but not a lot of talk on what Dems have done wrong to lose all whites.

We have 4 years ahead of us of talking about Trump and over analyzing the dumb things he says. FOUR YEARS!

The only one who will be able to beat Trump in 2020 will be Kanye West.

We thought Obama would be great for race relations and things got worse. Seems like Trump will be horrible for race relations so maybe…

Despite my best attempts, I’m apparently one of the elites with no idea what’s going on.

An important lesson is that yelling “Bigot!” doesn’t cause white people to magically disappear.

Nate Silver wins the Price Is Right for guessing the closest to Trump’s chances without going over.

Looking at how Trump changed the voting patterns, it’s not clear now that Rubio would have done better or even that he’d have won.

The Dems soul-searching needs to start with figuring out what they’ve done to completely chase away white voters.
A big part of their election strategy has been to put everyone in racial groups with one bad racial group to be the enemy. That can’t stand.

So I’m unemployed as of this week and now Trump is going to be president. I’m in a weird place right now.
BTW, if you some companies in the Austin area who need a software/firmware engineer (with mobile experience) hit me up.

Hopefully Trump can put Nate Silver in his cabinet as his math sorcerer.

Political correctness bullies people into not saying what they think, but it never changes what they think.
Political correctness has become a way to avoid addressing differences, and has thus made us weaker as a united people.

So what’s happening to Trump TV?

The president is terrible. Wait, is Trump president yet? Well, whoever it is, the statement stands.

Every time I’ve checked Twitter today, I’m like “Wait, did that really happen last night?” Hasn’t really sunk in.

In understanding Trump, can we finally all admit that Obama is a mediocre person who was elected for shallow reasons? Yes we can!

The false assumption of leftists is that they’re morally better than the supposed racists and misogynists they sneer at.

Bigots dismissing the concerns of large groups of people – that’s what unites racists and much of the left.

Who knows? Maybe really good things will come of the Trump presidency. We were wrong about everything else so far.

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Random Thoughts: Pre-Election Explosion

There is no political view so “right” it excuses you for being an awful person.

If I were Hillary, I’d block the Michael Moore film as it has much more risk of making things go the other way.

I won’t accept the results of this election. It’s just way too stupid to take that seriously.

The morally worst people in this election are those who give cover to corrupt, arrogant people in power.

Democrats concern over talk of rigged elections is as sincere as their concern for victims of sexual assault.

Trump’s remarks are not worth fretting over. There is no integrity in this idiotic election to preserve.

If we were smart, none of us would accept the results of an election that gave us either Trump or Hillary. This is obviously a sick system.

I think we should all make a pledge that, no matter who wins, we will refuse to accept the election results. #IRefuse

Hillary is everything that is wrong with politics. Trump is everything that is wrong with people.

We can’t question the integrity of the election that’s given us the two worst candidates we’ve ever seen.

When the Democrats questioned the election results in 2000, we never recovered. Things have been horrible since then.

Why do people keep acting like #NeverTrump has any ability to help Trump win? Are #NeverTrump powerful wizards?

You voted to burn down the GOP. Mission accomplished. Stop pretending you were voting to stop Hillary.

“I really want to stop Hillary, but let’s make it a challenge and nominate the dumbest, most obnoxiously awful human being we can find.”

Yes we said “Don’t put your face on a hot stove!” but you did and the obvious happened. It’s probably our fault.

My final advice for Trump: If you’re going to lose, lose crazy. We keep thinking we’ve seen your worst; keep proving us wrong.

All the Trumpkins will look up to #NeverTrump and shout “Use your magical powers to win the election!”and we’ll look down and whisper “no.”

There’s a subset of Republicans who said “Don’t vote for Obamacare!” and “Don’t vote for Trump!” and are blamed for failure of both.

What’s cultural Marxism? Is that stuff influenced by the movie Duck Soup?

Trump is so awful he keeps distracting from how awful Hillary is – which is more relevant if she’s going to be president.

If you really hate Trump, the worst punishment you can give him after this election is to never mention him again.

Criticism of Clinton does not equal support for Trump. Criticism of Clinton just means you’re sentient.
Repeat with Clinton and Trump swapped.

It would be funny if Trump won and it was because of one of those efforts to get low-information voters to the polls like Rock the Vote.

There’s so so many things to criticize Hillary as a politician or as a human being in general that there’s no reason to say anything sexist.

What if Trump wins and then he’s really good president and then we have to apologize for making fun of him and then he sexually assaults us?

The first task for President Hillary should be uniting a deeply scarred country. For GOP: appointing a special prosecutor to lock her up.

The people who keep excusing all of Hillary’s corruption and dishonesty are her deplorables and irredeemables.

The silver lining of this election is that no matter what happens, someone who very much deserves to lose is going to.

The best advice I can give the GOP is that after Trump loses you banish him to the phantom zone.

You know Wikileaks emails are all true b/c Hillary’s people keep saying they could be altered without ever pointing out something altered.

Playing Zelda Twilight Princess with the kids and it kinda seems like the Upside Down from Stranger Things was ripped off the Twilight Realm.
There are A LOT of similarities. I could do a listicle of it if I were the listicle making person.
Then again, the darker parallel universe isn’t that original in the first place. Not even first Zelda with it.

I gave up on Walking Dead after the first season. Great pilot, but meh after that. Read over 100 issues of the comics, though.

Of course it’s a rigged a election. That’s how we ended up being told our only choices are the insanely horrible Trump and Hillary.

We want to elect the best person in the country president. We’re told our choices are Trump or Hillary. #Rigged

Prediction: On the night of November 8th, Hillary will shout out her victory speech while being carted off in handcuffs.

The best strategy for the Trump campaign — as it has been for a while — is to get Trump trapped down a well until after Election Day.
“Sorry. No statement from Trump. He’s still trapped down a well where we can’t hear him. Imagine him saying something smart, though.”

Thanks to Hillary’s bad email practices, Weiner sexted all our state secrets to underage girls in ISIS.

Hillary just needs to calmly explain to the public that nothing will come of any FBI investigation of her because she is above the law.

“What should we call this type of flying insect?”
“A… fly!”
rubbing temples “It’s not even the only type of insect that flies, Carl.”

“No, no… the normal, responsible candidate is the one under FBI investigation.”

Not sure I’m great at these coding interview. When I feel there’s time pressure, my instinct is get it working and optimize later.

I have a feeling this election is saving its craziest moment for the season finale.

Bernie Sanders lacks basic math and reasoning skills, but I sure wish he was the one running against Trump and winning.

All the DNC leadership who forced Hillary on their party should resign if she loses. GOP leadership should resign regardless.

Just in case he wins, I better start working on my “who to blame” list for a Trump win now because it’s going to be pretty long.
Oh, crap… Am I on it?

Wow. Trump could actually win this if he could somehow stay out of the news until after Election Day.
Which is to say he can’t win this.

Maybe they should change the name of the Nintendo Switch to “Portable Skyrim.”

Game 7: When a baseball games becomes as exciting as a football game.

No more fear of goats! Everyone punch and disrespect goats! They are not our masters anymore!

It really seems like Trump would be running away with this election if he were only 5% less horrible and dumb.

If Trump wins the presidency, it will be like that Brexit vote, right? And we’ll just never actually get around to it?

I agree with Melania that we need to stop all these cyborg bullies. Maybe use an EMP grenade or something.

What would be the most boring outcome Tuesday? Hillary winning by a decent but non-landslide margin?

Anyone thought about making a political party around classical liberalism?
The Libertarian Party? No, I meant a serious one.

Is there any group out there that encourages low-informative, non-motivated voters to abstain from voting?

Has Nate Silver turned to dark math sorcery to try and make Trump win?

I forgot Trump has Secret Service agents assigned to him. Why don’t they ever keep him from shooting himself in the foot?

“This election is almost over. This horrible election is finally almost over…”
Sunday night sees clock go from 1:59AM to 1:00AM

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Random Thoughts: Rigged

Of course this would be a year when Election Day is as late in November as possible. #PleaseEnd

No desire to say “I told you so!” It was like telling someone not to put his face on a hot stove – just baffled the warning was even needed.

Bright side for the Republicans is they’ll probably do really well in the 2018 midterm… if their party is still around.

I’d just like to point out it is physically possible to vote for someone other than one of the candidates in the two major parties.

Wow! Ken Bone is almost as awful as people who feel the need to destroy some random citizen who ended up on TV!
Well, not quite that awful.

The Power Rangers movie is kinda depressing as it’s the first nostalgia-based movie made from a property I was too old to watch.

Language is a lossy compression algorithm for storing and transmitting ideas.

Basically we have two candidates who it would be much more appropriate for them to be in jail than the the White House.

After the election, the GOP should declare moral bankruptcy and do a restructuring.

Choice for president: Someone who should be in jail for sexual assault or someone who should be in jail for endangering national security

Trump was response to corruption, arrogance, and incompetence, but left now doubling down on corruption, arrogance, and incompetence.
Makes we wonder if this election is not the worst of whatever this phenomenon is but instead just the beginning.

The leaders on the right have been humbled, but things won’t get better until this happens to the left as well.

I don’t get The Magic School Bus. It’s about a witch teaching kids science?

Before you judge anyone too harshly for voting for Trump, remember that the other choice was Hillary.

I’ll understand grudging support, but enthusiastic support for either of the two candidates is a moral failing.

Partisanship – the special magic that can get evangelicals to not care about morality and feminists to not care about rape charges.

ME: I’m forming a new party around classical liberalism. Who wants to join?
CRUZ: I will!
ME: Sorry. It’s called the “No Ted Cruz” party.

No more talk of “rigged.” Let’s at least protect the integrity of our dumpster fire.

After we settle the issue of whether the media is biased, maybe we can get back to debating the color of the sky.

I wonder if that document with the phrase “quid pro quo” in it could be evidence of a quid pro quo.
That’s almost over the top damning. It’s like finding a memo with phrase “Hey, let’s embezzle!”

The horribleness of your party’s candidate is n and horribleness of other party’s candidate is n+1 and n keeps increasing toward infinity.

The most sporting way to hunt ducks is to wear a jet pack and rocket uppercut them.

Now that’s I’ve met Trump in person, I kind of like him. Wait, that wasn’t Trump; that was a pug with spaghetti noodles on its head.

So Hillary is really embracing the anti-third party “Don’t vote your conscience; vote Hillary” message.

If Trump wants to win, he really needs to shake things up. Does he have enough time left to grow a mustache?

The only possible happy ending to all this is at Hillary’s inauguration she’s taken away in handcuffs.

I’m not saying don’t vote for either Trump or Hillary. I’m just saying have some humanity and feel ashamed about it afterwards.

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Random Thoughts: Locker Room Talk

Donald Trump’s debate prep is yelling at random things.

So is the Democrat message really “Things are great domestically and in foreign affairs and you’re too stupid to notice. Yay status quo!”?

Are we saying this is what finally sinks Trump?Because we’ve thought that a number of times but he’s like a horror movie monster.

Again I ask: Who is left who doesn’t already know that Trump is a horrible human being?

You can’t replace Trump with Romney. Romney is just as bad. Remember how he was mean to a kid once in high school?

The prize for being less reprehensible than Trump is control of our nuclear arsenal.

What’s interesting is that as truly despicable Trump is, much of the left’s opposition to him is still partisan and disingenuous.

We’re in a very bad place, and no one of note has the moral high ground to offer a path out of it.

You have someone bragging about sexual assault and someone who smears victims of sexual assault. Vote for either you lack moral high ground.

There is a huge – HUGE – amount of hypocrisy in a party that tolerated Bill Clinton now acting like it cares about sexual assault.
That said, everyone in the GOP who at any point supported Trump should resign. I don’t know how you could ever trust their judgment.

Debate advice for Trump: Spend all your time attacking Hillary as she is awful. Don’t spend any time defending self as you’re indefensible.

It’s worth pointing out that Bill Clinton proves the left has never taken sexual assault very seriously, but that won’t save Trump.

They’re two awful candidates, and no one in good conscious should vote for either. But one of them is going to win.

And for the record, as over the top awful as Trump is, he’s still morally better than Ted Kennedy.
To be fair, though, my guess is Trump would behave like Ted Kennedy if he accidentally drowned a woman.

Maybe we should check the Constitution again and make sure we absolutely have to have a president.

Hillary takes classified data very seriously and Trump thinks Islamophobia is a shame.

I know how this ends! Russia finally hits the reset button and its 1991 again.

Donald Trump is the worst man to have ever run for president. What’s keeping him alive is people aren’t sure he’s worst person to have run.

Threatening to imprison your political opponent is an unacceptable and dangerous thing to say for anyone not running against Hillary.

If you have the Gear VR, check out At the Fork VR. I programmed it because I’m smart.

Can Trump and Hillary be co-presidents? I’m no longer worried what’s best for the country and just want to figure how best to punish them.

Trump is sorta like a moderate wished on a monkey’s paw for a GOP candidate who doesn’t care about social issues.

How is Paul Krugman fed in his bubble to make sure he never gets contaminated with outside information?

“I bring you spices from the orient!”
“All your ship’s cargo is pumpkins.”
“It’s fall.”

I still don’t get how the Republicans who rallied around Trump thought there was a greater than 1% chance it wouldn’t end horribly.

If locker rooms really do turn men into sociopathic rapists who should be locked away from society, maybe everyone should change at home.

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Random Thoughts: VP Debate

Nominating a thin-skinned dummy was a risky move, but it has a potentially horrible payoff.

It will be great to have a president who will stay up to 3am checking on our cyber.

On Election Day, I just want to stand at the polls shouting at everyone entering, “Nothing good will come of this!”

I don’t want Trump to win, but I do want to see an animatronic Trump at the Disney World hall of presidents.

One of the bad things about Trump is it’s giving people around Hillary more cover to… what’s the opposite of “Speak truth to power”?

Stopping Trump is a noble goal, but it’s not worth pretending Hillary isn’t horrible.

I don’t see how this tax stuff changes anything. It’s just another pebble on the mountain-sized pile of evidence that Trump is horrible.

Hallmark better have a Luke Cage tree ornament that says “Sweet Christmas!” or there will be hell to pay.

I honestly don’t care if anyone pays taxes other than for those who it would be a hypocrisy issue, i.e., they’re for higher taxes.

Voting is not a right. It’s a hack fix for how we imperfectly protect rights.
In a perfect world, you would have no vote or influence over someone else’s rights.
I agree with Bastiat that the goal of voting isn’t to get everyone to vote but to make voting as inconsequential as possible.

I hope on Election Day Arby’s sees record sales.

Why all the focus on the less than 1% #NeverTrump controls and not the 10% that Trump’s erratic behavior controls?

Trump seems to crater in the polls when he’s over the top horrible. Has he considered not being over the top horrible?

Man I hope this is the worst presidential election of my lifetime.

Social Security: the greatest program the government has ever made other than just throwing money down a hole.

Social Security is a Ponzi scheme that is only still limping along because you’ll go to prison if you don’t pay into it.

Wow. Interesting to see what an anti-Hillary argument looks like with a little discipline behind it.

I listen to podcasts at 2x speed. That’s what Kaine keeps reminding me of.

Has a VP debate ever actually had an effect on an election?

Pence doing what I recommend for Trump on scandals: Quick, huge lie then move on.

Is it helping Hillary to watch a woman completely fail at running a debate?

Did Kaine just say “There’s a lot of young people who weren’t born when Roe was decided?”

Pence is much better at lying than Kaine, Hillary, or Trump. All we want is a little polish.

Police keep telling people to stop calling them about clowns. Bullets don’t kill clowns, so they can’t do anything about it.

This is an odd year to make big money arguments about politics when Trump has survived spending relatively very little.

If the next debate is a townhall debate, good chance the candidates will finally get asked about all the clown attacks.

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Random Thoughts: First Debate

Wow. You found some new way in which Trump is awful? GAME CHANGER!

Every horrible thing the left are saying now about Trump they said about Mitt Romney, which is why no one listens to them.

Really, you think urging more people to vote is the solution? We’re in a hole, and the answer is more people digging?

How is urging more people to vote going to fix things? What’s the chance of the solution existing in those last few unmotivated voters?

We’ve been doing things like “Rock the Vote” for decades, and no matter the problems, the only solution is beat that drum harder.

Our current system got us Trump versus Hillary. That’s a complete breakdown. That’s not “More votes will fix everything!”

I didn’t even know that one actor and actress was married. I like Fight Club, though.

Remember: Hillary is the most qualified presidential candidate ever ever. So if she’s not a million times better than Trump at debate, failure.

Twitter is about creating dialogue – except about why they suspend people because that is to be done quietly with no explanation or recourse

Are we far enough away from Soviet Union that’s there’s no shame in using unexplained and arbitrarily enforced rules to disappear people?

The reason twitter bans might seems politically lopsided could be that the left are more likely to react to offense by demanding suspension.

Perhaps another way to reduce offense on Twitter would be to suspend the habitually offended. For their own mental health.

If the left want to convince people outside their echo chamber to not support Trump, they should try shrilly supporting Trump.

Man, what if Twitter starts suspending people for making Harambe jokes?

Don’t understand people who look at the Trump vs Hillary spectacle and say, “We need to encourage more low information voters to register!”

I think it’s good we get rid of the notion that there’s anyone left in either party who has any sort of principles.

Do you think whoever wins the presidential race will immediately get a Nobel Peace Prize for no reason again?

Don’t be surprised Cruz endorsed Trump. Bernie Sanders endorsed Hillary even though he seems crazy enough to actually be principled.

Remember: If you vote, whatever horrible outcome we get will have your fingerprints all over it and you’ll be hated by future generations.

Vote for whomever you think is the 2nd worst candidate ever nominated by a major party.

Just to be clear: Any time I’m pointing out how horrible one of the candidates is I’m still perfectly aware how horrible the other is.

When you have the ultimate establishment, status quo candidate, I don’t think it’s gong to look good if the moderator appears to help her.

This election comes down to whether you want same horrible or new horrible.

Good News: There’s only about a 40% chance Trump will win.
Bad News: There’s a 60% chance Hillary will win.

Genesis 13:10 should come with a spoiler alert.

Whoa. The NYT wrote an editorial against Trump. That’s what will finally do him in.

Congratulations on the Democrats for nominating a candidate widely considered worse than an ignorant, blowhard racist.

Hillary knows about as much about making jobs as she does emoting.

First woman presidential candidate running on accomplishments of husband and father.

In the debate, I thought Trump started strong and then became a rambling mess focusing on unproductive areas. Hillary was Hillary.

Tend to agree with people that Clinton won overall but unlikely to move the needle. But who knows. Crazy year.

Winner of these debates is going to be whoever is on the offense more since they’re both horrible people with no good defense of themselves.

Lester: “Would you have shot Harambe?”
Trump: “Yeah. I’d blow his brains out. No question. Wait, who is he again?”

I don’t think Hillary did that great. She just wasn’t too horrible while standing next to a turd.

Looking at the pundit consensus and how well that’s predicted things so far, Trump should be up by ten in the next polls.

Any time the candidates are on defense, they are losing because they are both indefensible.
Any time the candidates are on offense, they are winning because there is plenty horrible things to point out about the other.

At least we the two presidential candidates agree on something: Freedom gets in the way of stuff.

Instead of “Rock the Vote” they should call it “Feed the Machine.”

We need to take the oil and get control over the cyber. Neither of these require further explanation.

Trump’s key to winning is to keep hammering on law & order and present a realistic plan to finally create a Robocop.

14 years ago, Trump wrote out a statement about how he opposes a war in Iraq and buried it in a time capsule which he will dig up tomorrow.

To protest, hold a squat during the National Anthem. That proves the reason you’re not standing isn’t just because you’re lazy.

“Let’s put all our cyber in a box and lock it in Fort Knox. Some old school solutions for all this new tech stuff.”

How Hillary treated the women her husband sexually assaulted is fair game, but why pretend either candidate has character worth defending?

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Random Thoughts: Clown Invasion

From the leaked emails, Trump and Hillary come off poorly, but actually respect Colin Powell a little more.

It is job of late night clowns to engage in fisticuffs with evil hair man!

If you want to know why we’re stuck with Trump, the answers lies less in focusing on his awfulness than on Obama and Hillary’s awfulness.
And don’t forget Republican awfulness.

The two major candidates are shameless liars who only tell the truth when talking about how the other candidate is a shameless liar.

This is all to cover up the fact that Barack Obama was actually born in a hot air balloon floating over the North Pole.

So birtherism is so horrible it discredits Trump but not so horrible it discredits Hillary?

The hissy fits about Trump’s line on disarming Hillary’s bodyguards are why no attention is paid to legitimate criticisms about Trump.

Hillary’s attitude on birtherism is the same as on guns: Okay for people around her to have access to it to protect her, but no one else.

People are making great arguments that Trump is loudmouthed, racist, and dumb. They aren’t making great arguments that Hillary is preferable.

The biggest casualty of terrorism is narratives.

People need to understand that the reason so many don’t want to vote for Hillary is that could help elect Hillary.

“How can anyone vote for this obnoxiously horrible candidate?”
looks at other candidate
“Oh yeah.”

The reasons clowns are so scary is that there is documented evidence that clowns are real.

Can we do a ban on clowns entering this country?

Hillary just needs to be more personable – like not scream “I’LL SWALLOW YOUR SOUL” every time someone makes eye contact.

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Random Thoughts: Honest, Healthy Hillary

I’m sure Hillary is as healthy as she is competent.

Probably the easiest place to get Apple’s new AirPods will be a lost and found.

I’m kinda offended by the Spanish word for the color black whenever I see it. They need to change it.

Always wondered what Scrooge McDuck’s accountant thought of his plan to put his money in a vault he could swim in instead of mutual funds.

Trump vs. Hillary makes me think of at least two people who deserve to be placed in a basket of deplorables.

Hillary holds half of all Trump voters in complete contempt. And the other half. And most of her own supporters. She’s not a people person.

Anyone really enthusiastic for either Trump or Hillary is deplorable.

“OWN IT!” -Sean Hannity selling mattresses

Trump versus Hillary’s running mate what’s his face would probably be a landslide for bland.

All these Hillary health questions are nonsense. For a good-sized portion of each day, she’s able to walk under her own power.

My suggestion for the Hillary campaign: Start making the font for “Kaine” a bit bigger.

We’ll all believe whatever explanation Hillary gives for that clip of her collapsing because of her notorious honesty.

When Hillary left Chelsea’s apartment supposedly walking under her own power, I could see wires.

The human response would be sympathy for Hillary, but it’s hard with all the dishonesty and opaqueness.

Can’t believe sexist coverage of Hillary. Anyone who’s been around women know they’re frail creatures who collapse constantly for no reason.

So first she was “overheated” and now she has pneumonia. Look at all the trust Clinton engenders.

“She just overheated, that’s all. And… she has pneumonia! Yeah, that’s the ticket! Now I need to go home to my wife… Morgan Fairchild.”

If Hillary has pneumonia, does that mean she was trying to kill that kid she hugged?

Don’t carry water for Trump or Hillary. That takes away as much of your soul as a horcrux.

Not to cry racism, but how come no one had a problem with the national anthem before we had a black president?

Bill Clinton: “This is nothing new. She collapses all the time. Doctors say we should be concerned, but I don’t care.”

Sounds like Mike Pence is deplore-unable.

Hillary is going to hug deplorable racists and kill them with her pneumonia like she did that child.

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Random Thoughts: Sick Hillary

Why is their this debate on the definition for of “alt-right”? It’s the right wing from the upside down universe.

Remember that Twilight Zone where the guy walks out of his house to find taco trucks everywhere? That was terrifying.

Isn’t it now unAmerican to not like tacos?

It’s beyond absurd the idea of either Trump or Hillary being president.

Was a bit weirded out by the much darker, more serious The Tick on Amazon Prime. Not at all what I was expecting.

The amount of time spent on this Kaepernick nonsense is insane. We’re acting like he shot Harambe.

If you’re enthusiastic for Hillary, you’re a worse human being than Trump.

Rumors that Hillary is ill and most likely won’t live long make me more likely to vote for her.

There’s more to being a dad than bad jokes. But not a lot more.

Emperor Palpatine also looked very sickly, but he went on to serve for decades.

So I don’t have to “actually” you, if it swam or flew, it wasn’t a dinosaur.
And before anyone actuallies me, I’m referring to contemporaries of non-avian dinosaurs. Plenty of modern-day dinosaurs swim and fly.

If defeating Hillary blows away all other political concerns, you should have been screaming “Don’t nominate Trump!” during the primary.

Trump was a good candidate if burning it all down was important. If defeating Hillary or SCOTUS important, he was worst candidate to pick.

If you say nothing is more important than SCOTUS and defeating Hillary, but you weren’t against Trump in the primary, you’re a liar.

It is theoretically possible Trump could win, but that’s in God’s hands now. Stop playing pretend that National Review has say about that.

“And that’s all the new iPhone features. Oh, BTW, we removed the headphone jack. Bye!” :feed cuts:

Next they’re going to remove the ability to do a phone call on an iPhone and see if anyone notices.

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Random Thoughts: Be Woke

Both the Hillary and Trump campaigns would benefit from locking candidate in underground bunker and only letting surrogates talk for them.

I always thought “cons” was an abbreviation of “conservatives” but apparently those are two distinct groups on the right.

If #NeverTrump decided to put their full might behind Trump, I’d be surprised if they moved things one percentage point.

Anyone focusing on #NeverTrump is trying to pass blame, not win.

“Here’s Trump spokesman Ryan Lochte to explain how the election was rigged.”

The vote is rigged? That we have to choose between Trump and Clinton shows the whole system is rigged.

I’m not apologizing for my tone or anything I’ve said. Because I’m a winner.

With Obama paying hundreds of millions in ransom, I’m now worried about being kidnapped by Trump.

I always imagine Jesus turning to face the camera when he says the second sentence of John 20:29.

Most people think Hillary set up a personal email server for corrupt reasons, but it’s also possible she’s just an idiot with bad advisors.

When I ask my three-year-old what he did all day, he can never remember. I wonder if he’s an alcoholic.

Don’t get Harambe jokes. Nothing funny about how that plumber made him fall off the construction site. He wasn’t going to hurt that woman.

Advantage of Trump over Clinton is that more of the media recognizes him as awful and would continue to scrutinize him if he were elected.

What if Trump is underpolling because many of his supporters are incapable of human speech and thus can’t respond to pollsters?

How are some of you seeing Arthur Chu’s tweets? My understanding is he pre-blocks anyone who follows anyone other than Arthur Chu.

People being mysteriously disappeared for unexplained reasons is just part of Twitter’s charm.

An interesting strategy to try to reduce the amount of people being offended would be to ban the easily offended.

A great slogan for some activist, fair-trade coffee company: “Be woke.”

Gene Wilder was one of the greatest comic actors. Plus his name sounds like something a mad scientist would use for splicing DNA.

The “evolving superpowers” thing from the X-Men doesn’t happen in real life. Except for the electric eel.

Just found out about the SETI signal thing. If we’re visited by advanced aliens, make sure they don’t find out about Harambe.

I wonder what this election would be like if there was a libertarian alternative for president.

Where’s that article? My wife wears headphones all day and I haven’t been able to talk to her in weeks.

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Random Thoughts: More Ranting About Trump

If you didn’t realize Trump is horrible until now, you are also horrible.

When are they going to do a Legend of Zelda movie? I really want to learn the backstory behind Link’s hatred of pots.

There should be a presidential debate where at the beginning the CIA injects both candidates with a truth serum.

I’m libertarian except for all the things I don’t like.

Billy Joel should really update “We Didn’t Start the Fire.” And there should be a whole verse about Harambe.

If the media wants to put the fix in for Hillary, they need to focus on happy, positive new stories until November.

Video of Trump tossing the kid into Harambe’s enclosure. #OctoberSurprise

Recovered email of Hillary ordering a puppy being put to sleep for making eye contact with her. #OctoberSurprise

Hillary’s Goldman Sach’s speech transcript is just her barking like a dog while they throw campaign contributions at her. #OctoberSurprise

I don’t think they could have sold Obamacare as “the middle class needs to pay more for health insurance,” but that’s what it was.

“I have a great idea! Let’s rally behind the candidate who shares none of our core principles and has the worst chance of beating Hillary!”

What if RNC could somehow now replace Trump with some bland, generic Republican? It would be like the return of Coca-Cola Classic.

Well, I just hope the debates are going to be an insane farce we’ll talk about for decades.

Hey, Warner Bros., how about you have the people who make thoae really successful DC comic TV shows make the movies? Too simple?

It was kinda unclear what Trump was saying, unlike that time he pointed to a picture of Hillary while shouting, “KILL! KILL!”

I’m done with Trump outrage. He shoots his mouth off. Constantly. Can we stop pretending his latest idiot statement means anything new?

How do any of you still have the energy left to freak out about politics?

If SCOTUS is so important to you, why did you throw your support behind the one GOP primary candidate who couldn’t easily beat Hillary?

We need a Barack/Malia “I learned it from watching you!” ad.

That’s it! Trump is going to make the wall around Trump Tower ten feet taller!

The most important thing about this garbage fire presidential election is that neither the GOP nor the Dems learn anything.

Trump has an over the top awfulness you’d use if writing for a kids movie while Hillary’s awfulness is aimed at more mature audiences.

Hollywood should just keep doing all female reboots of popular franchises until every major studio is bankrupt.

Trumpkins, you successfully crapped all over the GOP, but stop pretending this is about winning the presidency or SCOTUS or other nonsense.
If you actually wanted to win the general and stop Hillary SCOTUS picks, there were other candidates who could have done that easily.
And stop pretending any of us pointing out that Trump is a giant turd have any influence over the outcome of the election.
Trump could possibly win, but that is beyond the ken of mortal man.
But congratulations on picking the one candidate who could lose to Hillary. She really needed that extra effort you guys made.
That all said, I don’t completely disagree with your burn it all down mentality. You just don’t understand you have that mentality.
When you cry “But SCOTUS!” you don’t seem to comprehend what you’ve done. Like someone crying, “My photos!” after setting own house on fire.

Obama founded ISIS? No way he has the leadership skills.

How could #NeverTrump be blamed for a Hillary win? They have no control over Trump constantly saying dumb things loudly.

I honestly don’t get the “Obama founded ISIS” freak out. That just seems like normal rhetoric after hearing the left during Bush years.

With Trump constantly trying to botch his own campaign, we need to ask: Is Trump #NeverTrump?
“No one in their right mind should vote for me! How hard do I have to try to convince people that?”

“There’s no ‘me’ in ISIS.” -ISIS slogan

Best case for this election is now Hillary giving her inauguration speech from prison.

If Hillary becomes president, it will be the fault of #NeverTrump for putting LSD in Trump’s drinks to make him say stupid things.

Everyone was surprised by Trump in the primary, but so far the general is going exactly as expected.

The polls showing Trump losing by large margins in all the battleground states is probably bad for him, but I’m checking 538 to be sure.

Yes. Yes it is bad.

Can’t believe people try to hand wave Gary Johnson on religious liberty. He’s a bad libertarian on issue that matters most to conservatives.

“I’m a libertarian except for religious liberty.” is as ridiculous as “I’m a libertarian except for government control of the economy.”

I think a lot people believe libertarian is just being grumpy about popular things. That’s Bill Maher libertarianism.

I think there’s an outside chance Trump might not win this.
Maybe I should give Trump sarcasm lessons.

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
The Princess Bride
Die Hard
The Empire Strikes Back
Seven Samurai
Tommy Boy

When I was a kid, we played Pokemon by shoving squirrels into Campbell’s soup cans.

“In reality, to evolve a Pidgey you’d need millions of years, not candy.” -Neil deGrasse Tyson to an empty wall as he eats alone

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Random Thoughts: The Depressing Official Candidates

“Man, we’d have this election in the bag if we just nominated absolutely anyone else.” -both political parties

The DNC keeps touting that Politfact rated the statement “Hillary is human” as “Mostly True”, but it’s not as helpful as they think.

Do we vote for the one who gave the Russians classified secrets or the one hoping the other one gave the Russians classified secrets?

Look all these awful people criticizing some awful people in support of some awful people.

It’s hypocritical of Hillary to talk about income inequality and compassion while wearing a $12,000 coat made from the skin of Harambe.

Is there anyone in America left who’s still interested in hearing Obama talk?

I think everyone would agree that if you think things are going in a great direction and you don’t want any change, Hillary is the way to go.

It’s depressing how many people are still willing to be suckered by an Obama speech. His words mean little against 8 years as president.

If we can at least learn a less from this Trump v. Hillary mess it’s don’t ever get emotionally invested in some idiot politician.

If Trump becomes president, does that mean 4 years of us spending a week analyzing a statement Trump didn’t spend a second thinking about?

Hillary is spending the morning working with Disney animatronics engineers to learn how to appear more human.

If they already have a Hall of Presidents version of her ready, they should have that give the speech.

Have you been watching any of the DNC? Kinda looks like they’re going to nominate Hillary.

FUN HILLARY FACT: Her husband had previously worked as a U.S. president. That’s what got her interested in the job.

How is Hillary a role model for little girls? “Marry an awful man who is going to do what you hope to do later.”

I really hope to raise my daughters to have more honesty and self-respect than Hillary.

What an inspiration to little girls it will be to see election of a soulless politician shoved down everyone’s throats by a party machine.

Hillary’s best message would be this is a great country, strong enough to get through someone as crappy as her leading.

Talking about great this country is emphasizes how absurd it is we settled on these two people as choices for president.

Did Hillary have to give a speech at the convention? I think she’d do better if she just hid in a bunker until election day.

The thing is, no matter how awful Trump is, when he’s speaking about how horrible Hillary is, he’s on point.
And vice versa.

Infinitely better than believing in science is understanding science.

So now it’s even more obvious that something really fishy is going on that anyone would be pay Hillary $200,000 to speak.

If Trump somehow does win the presidency, would that make the Dilbert guy our country’s leading pundit?

Honest question: Is there any other situation than voting where requiring a photo id is considered racist?
For instance, exercising the constitutional right of purchasing a firearm.

Rented Batman v Superman through Amazon Video and now it’s refusing to play it. Everyone’s a critic.

Big freakout about Harambe’s but no one said a word when Hillary had a zoo gorilla shot because it was blocking her view of another gorilla.

President Trump can only happen by both parties nominating extremely horrible candidates.

“Have you ever sacrificed, Trump?”
“A squirrel once stole a peanut from me.”
“That’s not–”
“I was going to eat that! @&$# squirrel!”

Hillary is a known awfulness we know how to work with. For instance, if we want black lives to matter to her, make them lobbyists.

Amazon Video wasn’t working last night and now Netflix isn’t working. Feels like the beginning of the end of society.

At this point, getting shocked by something Trump says is like getting shocked by something Charles Manson says. Horrible is expected.

The only really good part of Batman v Superman was near the end in that Batman fight sequence clearly inspired by the video games.

When you’re paying $200 mil for a movie, can’t you pay a guy to look over your script and say whether the story makes any sense?
I’ll do it for a grand.

How many times now have we thought a new horrible Trump statement was going to finally sink him?

looks over ballot
“So which horrible person who should never have power should we give power to?”

If they want to increase voter turnout, add a “No.” option.

Pocket Constitution? Can’t you just download a copy to your phone?

Just because Hillary challenges people to fiddle competitions to collect their souls doesn’t make her the devil.

Trump got a legitimate draft deferment because his fingers are too short to pull a rifle trigger.

I thought “too rich” was a legitimate reason for draft deferment.

Kind of seems hypocritical for Trump to be against stupid, noisy babies.

The Founding Fathers knew that when they came to take away our guns they’d start with the emojis.

Oh no! Trump is continuing to act as we expected him to act! Who would have expected this?

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Random Thoughts: RNC and DNC

If you don’t want your political opponents to chant “Lock her up!” then don’t nominate a woman who in a just world would be locked up.

Both parties nominated really horrible people. Can we get past pretending one of them is smart to elect president?

My pledge to support the nominee is superseded by my pledge to make fun of obnoxious clowns.

The easiest way to get a modern man to act like a Nazi is to convince him his opponents are Nazis.

I hope the Trump speech is an epic mess. “I want to start by listing the things I think Hitler got right…”

The only way Trump will get my vote is if he uses his speech to announce plans to nuke the moon.

If you put a gun to my head and made me choose between Trump and Hillary, I’d do an aikido move to disarm you.

I hope Trump’s speech is an hour long infomercial for his new line of gloves made to fit odd-sized hands.

Weirdest part of Trump’s speech was how he spent 30 minutes on the time he though Chuck E. Cheese cheated him out of tickets at skee ball.

What idiot called it “Darth Vader’s trap to capture his son” and not a Luke Cage?

Babies don’t get really excited when they see another baby. It’s nothing like when a dog sees another dog.

Trump’s overly dark picture of America is just him being prescient since our next president is gong to be either Hillary or Trump.

Jon Stewart made fun of Trump? Game changer.

Trump has finally revealed the details of his crime reduction plan and it’s lot more ninja turtle-based than I was expecting.

Oh, I have a page on IMDB. I had no idea. Nothing big; just felt like I should have known.

Both Pence and Kaine are kind of boring picks. Trump needed boring more than Hillary.

Was going to finally watch Batman v Superman tonight, but that lost out to watching more episodes of Stranger Things.

Is there any reason Stranger Things is set in 1983 other than nostalgia factor (which is admittedly awesome)?

Why would Russia try to stop Hillary? Did something go terribly wrong when they hit that reset button?

What are supposed to be Hillary’s big accomplishments as SoS? All I know off hand are Benghazi and the reset button.

We have the most horribly corrupt person to ever run for president versus the plain most horrible.

My attitude on the Netflix price increase was it felt wrong only paying $8 a month for all that content.

Burn, political parties! BURN!

I’m still baffled why DWS wasn’t fired years ago.

We really need a James T. Kirk to figure us a way out of this Kobayashi Maru election.

“Abandon all your core principles and vote for me to stop the other guy.” -primary slogan for both Trump and Hillary

“What happens when two joke candidates with no chance of winning run against each other? Find out in the wacky comedy Election 2016!”

When you assassinate, you make two asses out of I and Nate.

Got this comedy idea where both the Republican and Democrat don’t want to be president and do everything they can to throw the election.

On what day of the DNC do they parade a chained and hobbled Bernie Sanders?

My big hopes for the DNC is that an actual brawl erupts in the audience during Hillary’s speech. Fingers crossed.

It will really break the glass ceiling when we one day have a woman president who didn’t get there by being married to a previous president.

In the real world, any woman who breaks a glass ceiling would be immediately fired.

They searched everyone entering the convention to make sure no progressive tried to sneak in a soul.

Bernie Sanders: “Our corporate overlords have defeated us. Forgive me, Wall Street, I was a fool to ever stand against you!”

I thought Bernie’s speech was going to be him yelling, “Freedom!” While Hillary disembowels him.

Never understood the Elizabeth Warren appeal. Seems like a dim bulb. Like someone who should be writing click bait for Salon.

I’m guessing there’s a lot of overlap in people who are enthusiastic for Warren and people who were gaga for John Edwards.

Kinda weird that Hillary’s acceptance speech will be said behind closed doors to Goldman Sachs board members, but Bernie vouches for her.

There’s no Notepad++ for Mac? Why do people like Macs?

The second night of the convention is my favorite because that’s when they traditionally have the puppet shows.

In the new DuckTales reboot, is Scrooge McDuck going to get a lecture on income inequality every time he swims in his money?

Looking at the current state of international affairs, I’d probably leave it off my resume if I were the previous Secretary of State.

Boy that was a surprise when Bill Clinton took the stage and found Chris Hansen waiting for him.

They’re trying to sell Hillary as an outsider? The world map on her office wall is just D.C. surrounded by water.

“If the most unlikeable woman in the entire country can become president, guess I can be a scientist or something.” -girl inspired by Hillary

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Random Thoughts: Pokemon, Hillary, and the RNC

The new battleground state polls are a good reminder that just because Trump’s a dumpster fire doesn’t mean he’s a worse choice than Hillary.

My wife and I made sure we’re on the same Pokemon team because we don’t need that kind of marriage trouble.

I don’t care what members of the Supreme Court do. No particular way of behaving will stop them from being a bunch of clowns.

“Before we continue our list of individual rights, we’re going to take a break to talk about government run militias.” — This is an actual understanding of the Bill of Rights by some sitting Supreme Court Justices.

Here’s what won’t solve the big problems in our country:
1. Electing a particular politician
2. Enacting a particular law

If you vote for either Trump or Hillary, I’ll think you’re a horrible person. But I’ll kinda understand given who you were voting against.

Future generations will be baffled that we elected Trump, but then they’ll see the video of Hillary’s Pokemon Go joke and understand.

Pence seems like a boring choice. I was hoping for more Trump craziness.

One of the most important things when developing a video game is making sure it has a bat enemy in it that is both numerous and annoying.

Mature Programmer Frank has tried and failed to solve the problem. I’m handing it over to Hacker Frank. Hacker Frank doesn’t play by the rules, but, dammit, he gets the job done.

Hacker Frank, you magnificent bastard, you did it! You got it working! Now let’s just hope no one looks under the hood…

I want to take the kids to the park, but I can’t log in to Pokemon Go.

When listen to music in the car, it’s fun to tell my kids that whenever a song says “baby” they’re singing about actual babies.
“You’re no good.
You’re no good.
You’re no good.
Baby, you’re no good.”
That song got my daughter so mad.

My baby daughter attempted a coo.

Oy. Hillary still doing the old playbook of Pence being an extremist everyone should be scared of. Maybe she’ll add a Pokemon reference.

“Pence is just as extreme as Trump!” No he isn’t. Does Hillary really plan to win with the exact same dishonest nonsense as usual?

The problem is they’ve always called every Republican extreme. It’s left them with nothing to describe Trump as something new.

I hate clamshell packaging. When they encased Han Solo in carbonite, they at least designed a way to easily open it.

I think I felt more sorry for Hillary Clinton watching her deliver that Pokemon Go joke than I did during the whole Monica Lewinsky thing.

Why aren’t guns central to feminism? It’s an invention that equalizes the physical threat of men and women.
I need someone to womansplain this to me.

Hillary gets to be both a trailblazer as the first woman president and the most cynically status quo candidate of all time.

With the underwhelming opening weekend box office for the new Ghostbusters, I think we can safely say that’s the end of feminism.

If you didn’t watch the news, you’d be fooled into thinking we live in a peaceful, prosperous time.

Things done to save me time that just annoy me:
* Kindle books not opening to the cover.
* Netflix skipping the opening song of TV episodes.

I was really hoping Trump’s VP choice was going to be the transformer Starscream.

At the RNC, the ghost of Lincoln attempted to kill Trump, but it was dissipated when Trump supporters kept yelling “Cuck!” at it.

I can’t pretend to care about Melania plagiarizing some Michelle Obama speech no one remember. This entire election is already a clown show.

Had to use the chip reader with my debit card for the first time. Now I know how my mom feels with everything tech.

I don’t even get the point of a new chip on debit cards when most of my transactions are online where it’s completely irrelevant.

Say all the bad things you want about the RNC – they deserve it – but don’t act like it’s over the line to say Hillary should be locked up.

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Random Thoughts: Our Post-Pokemon World

You have a choice this election year. The two main candidates are horrible in completely different ways.

I’m a little verklempt. Talk amongst yourselves. Ironman is neither made from iron or a man. Discuss.

“World ends because of Hillary. Will Republicans overreach?”

Hillary: “Police being able to kill people without consequences needs to end! Only I should be above the law! ME!”

So who do you want for president? A dumpster fire or the pure embodiment of everything we hate about politicians?

Hmm. Putting it that way, I kinda lean toward dumpster fire.

Has it ever happened that someone told an officer that they are CCW holder and then shot the officer?

People planning to do bad things with guns don’t apply for CCWs.

The only ones who see the world truly are babies. After that, we’re always struggling to see the truth through our preconceived notions.

In a nation of 320 million, one crazy person doesn’t necessarily speak of anything larger or significant.

My son hit his sister. I told him if he uses violence to get what he wants, that makes him no better than the government.

So does anyone know if the new Ghostbusters is any good or not yet, or am I just missing the point?

The argument isn’t that Trump is ridiculous. It’s that he’s a worse kind of ridiculous than what we normally put up with from politicians.

My church isn’t a PokeStop, but the vape shop next to it is.

Do skyscrapers skip the 69th floor or do the workers there just put up with people stopping by to say “Nice.”?

If you act like either Hillary or Trump is a great candidate, you’re either an idiot or a liar.

So how much money would businesses pay to be a PokeStop?

I never had any strong feelings on the new Ghostbusters movie. I’ll probably watch it when it’s available to rent on Amazon.

I was completely stumped on what I was supposed to do to pass the time while waiting for my phone to be repaired.

Pokemon Go is so buggy though. I just want at its source code. I know Unity! I CAN FIX IT!

SMOD is part of the #NoLivesMatter movement.

The way to make a better, more harmonious world is to put Pokemon in it.

It’s comforting to know that at the end of the day even Bernie Sanders is a soulless politician with no integrity.

The Supreme Court was unable to play a game of Candyland because they couldn’t agree what the rules meant.

I don’t know if Barack Obama is a particularly terrible president. He’s just a really small man that people keep expecting big things from.

It is not 1968 again. 1968 did not have killer robots.

It’s easier for a teenager to get his hands on a gun than on a MewTwo.

It was really disrespectful how President Obama looked for Pokemon during the funeral. Understandable, but disrespectful.

Know who likes Pokemon Go the best? Dogs. So many extra walks.

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