Archive for the ‘Random Thought’ Category

Random Thoughts: My Novel and ISIS Jobs

Thursday, February 19, 2015 8:23 am

“Audible: Because reading is for poor people.”

You have to be curious what a novel written by me would be like. It’s like reading 3000 tweets of mine in a row.

Actually, that sounds really tedious. Forget that.

Superego is a action adventure with tons of twists and turns, and you know it has to be exciting because I have a very short attention span.

There’s also some themes on morality, redemption, what it means to be human — but mainly cool stuff and action and exciting things.

And it’s edited. Really really edited. Me without grammar errors. Can you imagine? That’s at least worth a nickel a gander.

Anyway, when you give Superego a read, I would love to hear what you think. Unless you don’t like it. No one cares what you think, then.

Someone needs to update my Wikipedia page. Whose job is that?

Yes, new territory for me: a novel with actual, serious drama in it. But I’ve wanted to be a novelist long before I started blogging.

Don’t know if this administration will stop ISIS, but I’m pretty confident they’re keeping an eye on the cast of Duck Dynasty.

“Hi, ISIS, we’ll pay you minimum wage for this new job. It’s called ‘not killing people.’ It’s full time work.”

“Which Ukraine are we talking about?”
“THE Ukraine.”

If ISIS wants jobs, don’t they get to stamp license plates in hell or something?

And I’m telling you about my novel to benefit me. I’m just really afraid you’re going to miss out if you don’t get a copy.

All the excitement, all the twists and turns – you don’t want to miss that. Real roller coaster ride. Be sad to not experience it.

I’m just looking out for you. Because I’m a great guy. And an even better writer.

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Random Thoughts: SNL, Record Players, and ISIS

Wednesday, February 18, 2015 8:25 am

Is anyone going to arrest George W. Bush soon? The statute of limitations is running out on illegal wars.

Ever notice how Alabama kinda sounds like it’s the Islamic version of Obama?

Happy Presidents Day! Be thankful for presidents. Without them, bureaucrats would go feral and attack us.

So was it 40 years from when SNL started, or 40 years from when it was last funny? Bazinga!

Apple is making a car. They’re also making a gun called Apple Payback.

For people who want to humanize terrorists, it would be nice if ISIS would throw them a bone or two.

Hadn’t checked out a book from library in over a decade, and now there is new feeling: guilt. Author doesn’t get royalties for this.

Kids these days get a lot more Mickey Mouse than we used to. When I was young, I remember a new thing with Mickey in it being pretty rare.

Just for reference, I’m “I remember having a record player when I was four” old.

I remember marveling at a CD player like it was scifi. My kids will probably regard a DVD player the way I do a record player.

Some people don’t have Netflix?

How much student debt does ISIS have? Could that be the cause?

“For the Poltergeist remake, how should we update the script?”
“Make the TV the little girl presses against 16:9.”
“Alright. Ready to film.”

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Random Thoughts: College and Stupid, Racist Stories

Monday, February 16, 2015 8:05 am

But without Jon Stewart, who will gently massage our biases?

Anyone actually watch NBC News? Does anyone know for certain Brian Williams actually works for them?

The new Hitman movie looks kind of neat. I thought the first attempt at a Hitman movie was pretty forgettable.

Shouldn’t you assume someone who made a successful career without going to college is smarter than the average person who went to college?

We’re beginning to treat a college degree like a baptism, as if there’s some moral difference in having one.

Full Disclosure: I have a college degree and am very very smart.

I have a useful degree in electrical engineer, but I really don’t see why it should take 4 years to learn enough to get a job in that field.

For so much of the education system, we should start over from scratch and ask, “What exactly are we trying to accomplish here?”

I learned a couple useful things in college that help me as an engineer today. I didn’t $100,000 worth of things.

Only a tiny fraction of my useable knowledge came from college and was blown away by what I learned my first year on the job.

Computer programming is one of the more useful degrees, but really seems like a year of basics followed by apprenticeship would be better.

If the point of college is to give you knowledge and skills you’ll need for a job, even the best schools really suck at that.

I don’t anything about becoming a doctor or a lawyer, but four years of college to learn tech skills is idiotic.

Tech degrees are different. If someone has a masters, you get wary. If they have a doctorate, you assume they can’t do anything practical.

I will teach my dog to wag his tail when evolution is mentioned and then he will be a smart dog.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg also found out that when you drink enough, the Constitution talks to you and tells you what it really means.

I got a one star review for the Audible version of my novel. “stupid and a little racist.” That’s not a good review!

Best I can tell, my story is racist because Islam gets mentioned in it and Islam is now a race.

And he didn’t like the action scenes? Everyone else liked the action scenes. The guy must be a weirdo.

I got some good advice early on: If anyone is ever critical of your work, obsess on that criticism until you tire yourself out.

Anyway, I just want to counter this libel. My story is not stupid or racist. Your face is stupid and racist.

Anyway, promotion for my novel Superego starts soon, so expect to hear a lot more about it. And it is awesome.

AND THE VOICE ACTOR DIDNT JUST PHONE IT IN HE DID A GREAT JOB!

I haven’t tired myself out yet.

And the female characters weren’t goofy! Again, you’re mistaking things for your face!

My favorite SNL sketch is the one where the guy is like, “I’m Doug, and I’m outta heeeere.”

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Random Thoughts: Next President, Jon Stewart, and Atheists

Thursday, February 12, 2015 7:57 am

Know what would be a great follow up to the Obama presidency? A mute president.

With all his funny mugging to camera, a good new job for Jon Stewart would be clown for small children.

When I heard John Stewart was quitting, its seemed like a dark day for America. Then I realized they weren’t talking about the Green Lantern.

So has SPLC now been associated with more shootings than most of the organizations they denounce as hate groups?

If the Daily Show is interested in a new host, I’m kinda funny and can act disinterested in politics while being extremely partisan.

Killing people goes against the atheist belief of .

They say if you can reach the end of a rainbow, you’ll find a pot of settled science.

I remember when science was something other than just a fetish of dumb people.

“According to the words of Athor, atheist god of reason, murder is illogical.”

Anyone who murders isn’t a true atheist, because according to the words of the atheist prophet Dawkins: “[profanity deleted]”

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Random Thoughts: Casting, Novel, and Kanya

Tuesday, February 10, 2015 8:08 am

Casting went great. There’s some good talent in Austin. Now back to working on an iOS app. I have a very interesting job.

Sitting at a table with two others judging everyone trying out, I felt like Simon Cowell. Eh, who am I kidding. I was Randy.

Who am I supposed to trust on what is and isn’t Islam? An agnostic white liberal, or a guy who has been in the Muslim faith his entire life?

There’s something really patronizing about a non-Muslim trying to define what true Islam is.

A box of my novel. Everyone should have one.
Box of Superego

Haven’t really started promoting my novel yet; kind of in soft launch now. Available in print, ebook, and Audible (really well done).

So my mom canceled her DishTV because she was moving, and called it the worst phone call she ever had.

She said she ended up shouting to get her point across about canceling. Does customer service like that really yield dividends?

I checked out a book from my local library; I feel so old school. Of course, I did it on my Kindle.

Found this neat site that’s like Twitter but no character limit and it’s not cluttered with anyone else’s thoughts. It’s called GoogleDocs.

Wow. NPR has a lot of good podcasts.

Criminalizing “hate” speech is taking the position of terrorists. You’re saying you’re willing to use violence to end speech.

It would give greater clarity if people didn’t say “I’d like to criminalize” but instead said “I’m willing to use violence to stop.”

I think now they’re not giving Grammys to Beyoncé just for the hilarious Kanye West response.

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Random Thoughts: Religious Beliefs and Neil deGrasse Tyson

Friday, February 6, 2015 8:31 am

So was it bad religious beliefs or bad economics beliefs (i.e. Communism) that led to more people being murdered last century?

If all the major news anchors are known liars, I think that will actually make us smarter about news consumption.

A lot of Neil deGrasse Tyson’s twitter feed just reads like a dumb guy trying to sound smart.

Wow. Some people get mad if you criticize Neil deGrasse Tyson. Aren’t there more worthy scientists to mindlessly leap to the defense of?

I honestly understand more why I’ve heard of Lena Dunham than why I’ve heard of Neil deGrasse Tyson.

All I know about Tyson is he has some sort of relation to science. Or to Science!

Tyson seems to have a following among not very bright people who are quite enthusiastic about what they imagine science is.

None of this is to claim Tyson isn’t smart or that he isn’t really good at… whatever it is he does.

I’m pretty comfortable with the fact that when someone is talking about violent Christians, they’re usually talking about 1000 years ago.

Today is casting for a script I helped write. That is going to be a brand new experience.

I’m okay with how I’m the one who handles the trash cans every week because then I get to growl, “Time to take out the trash.”

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Random Thoughts: Brian Williams

Thursday, February 5, 2015 8:37 am

If you’re worried about the effects of vaccines, you should get a vaccine vaccine.

This is Brian Williams’s worst day since he had to kill his love Jean Grey with his adamantium claws.

What a magical world it would be if you actually could easily mistake things you heard of for things you did. #BrianWilliams

This has to be tough to watch for Brian Williams’s family and his longtime girlfriend who we never met because she goes to a different school.

“Sorry, there was some confusion. My helicopter was not hit with an RPG… because I karate-chopped that RPG out of the sky!”

This whole Brian Williams thing is making me think of that one episode of The IT Crowd. “I’m disabled!”

Perhaps there’s confusion over the acronym RPG. Maybe Williams’s helicopter had to land because of an out of control game of Dungeons & Dragons.

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Random Thoughts: Vaccines

Wednesday, February 4, 2015 8:18 am

It would really help things if scientists just told us what causes autism instead of making everybody guess.

I just found out that my parents vaccinated me as a child without my permission.

I thought Harper Lee was a publishing company.

For the record, vaccination shots made my children very angry. But they were little babies so they couldn’t do anything about it.

Man, does America need a tiger to swallow whole before we choke to death on all these gnats.

The reason we couldn’t get that ultra-libertarian colony on the moon going is we couldn’t agree on what the vaccination policy should be.

It seems like with vaccines and GMO foods, some people aren’t weighing the known benefits enough versus the possible, unknown problems.

If I were presidential candidate, I’d carry needle of vaccine to inject any reporter who asked me about it. “That’s how much I support it.”

I really like vaccines, but I also don’t like people arguing for things they don’t understand by yelling, “Science!”

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Random Thoughts: Mitt, Jeb, and the Super Bowl

Monday, February 2, 2015 8:14 am

Had a nightmare that Jeb Bush and Mitt Romney combined into an unstoppable squish called Meb.

So how is Hillary going to appeal to today’s youth? Offer them hard candy?

For most animals, males are judged by females solely on their appearance, but feminist get angry because in one species it’s other way around.

But without Mitt running, the Republicans only have 83 other candidates to choose from.

If Hillary wanted to really still Mitt’s thunder, she could announce she’s not running for president.

Casting is scheduled. I’ve never written anything before that involved casting. This is cool.

I really like script writing. As you may tell from my novel, I love writing dialogue.

And by script writing, I mean like for a tv show or video. I hate writing Python scripts. I don’t know why; I just don’t like that language.

Need a word for when you’ve never actually heard someone say viewpoint x, but you’re inundated with righteous denouncing of viewpoint x.

For instance, haven’t seen anyone legitimately angry about a female Ghostbusters cast, but I’ve seen tons and tons of responses to that.

Was trying to remember another big recent example: All the righteous attacks on the non-existent people angry at a black stormtrooper.

“Tolerance” is seen as the great virtue of the day, so all the craven people want to constantly demonstrate that’s what they are.

Anger at this made up other used to be the domain of racists, now it’s primarily the domain of the supposedly tolerant.

Another example of history rhyming, I guess.

Who’s Sugar Knight? Sounds like someone from Candy Land.

The reason George RR Martin takes so long to write is he’s constantly going through his manuscript saying, “Wait, who is this guy again?”

“Ha! This will be a shocking death! Or did I already kill off that character?” #GameOfThronesWriting

“So how long do I have to wait between introducing a new character and shockingly killing them?” #GameOfThronesWriting

I believe in traditional gender roles. So far it’s my wife who has given birth to all our children.

All this obsession with organic this and organic that is getting in the way of us becoming cyborgs.

Finally decided to check out Supernatural. When the pilot says “22 years ago” I guess I should adjust that to 31.

I was wondering how long it would take to get into Supernatural, but it has a pretty strong pilot.

For Pete’s sake, could we just stop talking about Obama until his farewell speech.

So does the winner of the Super Bowl go on to play in the Ultra Bowl?

Budweiser always has a number of Super Bowl ads because it take a lot – A LOT – of money to convince anyone to drink it.

Is football a serial? Like will I not understand the season finale if I didn’t watch all the other episodes?

Nationwide: “Your children will die and it will be your fault but we’ll still pay on the policy.”

“Remember, we provide life insurance – for those of you who will die tragically instead of sad and alone.” #Nationwide

So what were the most talked about ads from the first Super Bowl? “Look! A woman – driving a car! Insanity!”

If the Super Bowl were more like quidditch, the halftime show would mainly determine the winner.

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Random Thoughts: Audible, Downton, Devil

Friday, January 30, 2015 8:23 am

Listening to Audible.com version of my novel is kinda nerve wracking. Hearing it read aloud makes me question every word choice.

Voice actor is good. I think it would be fun to voice the main character, but getting unique voices for all the supporting isn’t easy.

Kind of arrogant how every episode of Downton Abbey ends with the word “Masterpiece” coming on screen.

In “The Devil Went Down to Georgia,” it says the devil is “in a bind” because he’s “way behind” in soul collecting. Who’s setting his quota?

Wife just now looking at kids’ science book: “So narwhals are real?”

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Random Thoughts: Snow and New Ghostbusters

Wednesday, January 28, 2015 8:33 am

If you don’t have anything nice to say, welcome to the internet.

Back in my day, we only got a snow day when there was actual snow, not just a rumor of it.

My dog is 12 years old and 70 lbs; when is she going to stop bounding around the house like a puppy when she knows she’s going for a walk?

I’m not sure uber-serious is the way to go with Fantastic 4.

I know a few people in New York City, so did anyone survive the winter storm?

If not, well, whatever. That’s nature for you.

Since the new Ghostbusters is going to star women, does that mean it’s not going to be a comedy?

See, the joke in that last tweet was that women can’t be funny. And it was a good joke because I made it and I’m a man.

“Back off man; I’m a scientist.”
“No you’re not. You’re a woman.”
#NewGhostbusters

We let women drive. And we let women vote. But we need to draw the line at them starring in big budget, special-effects-laden comedies!

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Random Thoughts: World Leaders, Pluto, and My Novel

Monday, January 26, 2015 8:17 am

Suffice to say, there are a number of world leaders we’re allies with that in a more just world would be rotting in prison.

I don’t think I could be president. I couldn’t restrain myself from giving so many of our allies much deserved punch to the faces.

If these trends continue, by 2100 the new iPhone will be so large as to affect the earth’s rotation.

If I were president, I’d declare Pluto a planet again and any scientist who disagreed would have to fight me in the Thunderdome.

If I were president, I’d move the White House to a distant mountain and I’d only to be bothered in case of grave emergency.

Audible.com version of my novel is ten and a half hours. Never seemed that long all the times I read through it.

February is when I will be promoting my novel and you will buy it, BTW. Choice of digital, paperback, or audio.

Right now, my publisher, Liberty Island, is focusing on The Big Bang, which is really good if you haven’t read it.

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Random Thoughts: Minimum Wage and Apes

Friday, January 23, 2015 8:20 am

Is there a good example of someone who never earned more than minimum wage for years and years?

Inequality in the U.S. is millionaires whining and crying they’re not billionaires.

“I just can’t support a movie with a solider as the lead who isn’t portrayed as deranged or a victim.” -many on the left, apparently

I’m pretty much done with human politicians. Maybe I should find some good apes to get behind for when the apes take over.

Which is the most laissez-faire ape? The orangutan?

Parents see a 10 week fetus in ultrasound and fall in love. As long as that happens, abortion will always be horrific to many people.

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Random Thoughts: Free Stuff, Snipers, and SOTU

Wednesday, January 21, 2015 8:17 am

For once, the government should give the middle class something for free that’s paid for by the poor and college kids. I’d like a new iPad.

Is Mr. T part of the DC or Marvel universe?

Oh yeah. Give me some low-stakes Downton Abbey drama.

“I have very black and white views about people who have black and white views about the Iraq War!”

You know, the rich aren’t these infinite piñatas we can whack every time we want goodies.

Maybe a left-winger in Hollywood could make the really nuanced sniper movie that absolutely no one wants to see.

I thought winning free Starbucks for life would be cool but then I found out those cheapskates just give you one free drink and murder you.

So my 4yo daughter Buttercup is going to pay for this “free” college from her 529 college savings? Yeah, that sounds fair.

Yes, tax people for being responsible and saving for college; that’s what we want to discourage. I was totally asking for it.

If you’re middle class and trying to be responsible like me, that’s very provocative to the government. They’re going to go after you.

Going after savings starts to cross the barrier between usual left-wing stupidity and being down right evil.

Obama should wear a bow tie. Then everyone will be like, “You gotta turn on the SOTU! Obama is wearing a bow tie! It’s insane!”

Or a fedora. Obama should bring back fedoras. Then he’ll be remembered for something.

“We should really tackle climate change.”
*cut to audience all shaking heads
“Okay then. Here’s my next idea…”
#SOTU

He better not ask for a raise. #SOTU

It’s distracting how Biden and Boehner keep slap fighting. #SOTU

The easiest way to earn more than the minimum wage is to do work worth more than the minimum wage.

The annoying thing is that people who like free stuff over freedom have so many other countries to choose from. We have just the one.

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Random Thoughts: James Taylor, The Simpsons, and Michael Moore

Monday, January 19, 2015 8:16 am

This inappropriate use of James Taylor has the Obama administration going into “Simpsons did it!” territory.

Government is a great choice for anything where you don’t care about price or quality.

The Academy says they would have considered Selma for more nominations if Ryan Gosling played the lead.

A big problem with the Obama presidency is race relations hadn’t advanced far enough for us to properly deal with a terrible black president.

Pretty excited to have an audio version of my novel Superego in the works because then I’ll know at least someone read it. #humblebrag

I don’t want to sound pro-gun control, but I don’t think I could ever trust a cat with a gun.

Those “Don’t Hug Me I’m Scared” videos are more disturbing then any horror movie I’ve ever seen.

The episode in which Homer went to space will be old enough to drink next month. Am I old?

Was thinking of that episode because of the James Taylor thing. I assumed everyone would think of that.

Don’t think we’ll ever get rid of guns until we come up with something better at putting holes in things and people from long distances.

As far as I can figure, it’s embedded in children’s DNA that they love Mickey Mouse.

Spent two days this week working closely with Richard Dreyfuss but I forgot to take one of those selfies so no one will believe me.

He independently brought up sharks at one point. Felt like that would be worth at least two shots in a drinking game.

So is American Sniper going to be the first financially successful Iraq War movie?

I think the only way to improve our government is to open a competing Capitol down the street from the current one.

I wonder what’s going on with President Obama. Is he going to give us an update soon?

But is this football game “0-0 tie in soccer” exciting?

Michael Moore knows how to make an entertaining documentary but doesn’t have a clue how to convince someone who doesn’t already agree.

Of course, that assumes that’s ever his aim.

Michael Moore has made a lot of money for himself. I see no evidence he’s affected change on the issues he’s spoken out on.

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Random Thoughts: Oscars and Sharknado

Friday, January 16, 2015 8:12 am

They should put in more crowd pleasing Oscar categories, like “Most Money Earned.”

It was a little disconcerting how after they announced all the Oscars nominees they shouted, “White power!”

It’s worth remembering that Hollywood is the last place in America someone can say “Blacks need not apply” for a job with no repercussions.

Was The Lego Movie disqualified for having live action sequences? Only way I can make sense of it not getting best animated nomination.

I’m upset because that’s one of the three movies I saw last year.

We’ve known the Oscars are a big crock ever since Die Hard didn’t win best picture whatever year it came out.

We Christians used to corner the market on being offended by everything, but we just can’t compete anymore with Social Justice Warriors.

I joke about wanting to be president, but that job doesn’t actually pay enough to interest me into moving to D.C.

I honestly don’t know a single piece of music Kayne West is responsible for. Judge me accordingly.

Used to think I had an eclectic job when I’d work on C# web apps and 8-bit assembly in same day, but that’s nothing compared to my job now.

Could you imagine a Sharknado without Ian Ziering? No, it’s impossible.

Sharknado versus Bearicane — make it happen!

I really liked both Sharknados. They were exactly what i expected and I couldn’t have been happier.

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Random Thoughts: Satire, True Islam, and Violence

Thursday, January 15, 2015 8:18 am

It’s never punching down to satirize violent murderers.

So is the White House going to release a list of beliefs of true Islam so we’ll know who in the world is practicing Islam right?

Romney again? Can’t we find a new candidate that absolutely no one is excited about but everyone is kinda okay with?

Ted Cruz snorted coke with a young Obama?

If you call Islam violent and a Muslim attacks you, is that because he was offended or because he agreed with you?

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Random Thoughts: Religious Liberty, Texas, and the Patriarchy

Tuesday, January 13, 2015 8:08 am

Problem with religious liberty is it gets in way of important secular principle of the government being able to force you to do stuff.

Joe Biden couldn’t make it to the Paris march as he was busy with something important and had Shrinky Dinks in the oven.

Know how much money we’re wasting a year turning Joe Biden into a cyborg? $80 for construction paper and markers so he can make design plans.

For a comedian, how much time should you spend making fun of things versus telling people what isn’t funny and shouldn’t be made fun of?

I got my Texas driver’s license. I guess that means I’m officially a Texan now. Yoo-hee! …as we Texans say.

I’m a conservative Christian. I’m constantly offended by everything, and yet I’ve barely ever murdered anyone.

I don’t even know the last time I’ve watched a prime time show without being offended.

I’ve looked into feminism, but it still seems like the patriarchy has much more to offer me.

Is there a website that lists all the aspects of white privilege? Like are there discounts I’m missing?

I think a good secular way to refer to the founder of Islam would be “Muhammad Prime.”

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Random Thoughts: Free, Islamic Violence, and Golden Globes

Monday, January 12, 2015 8:13 am

I don’t use emojis. Back in my day we had a colon and a parentheses and that showed all the emotion we needed.

It should have been in the Constitution that the government isn’t allowed to use the word “free.”

When people are so sensitive to publishing things that offends Muslims, isn’t that Islamaphobia: fear of being killed by Muslims?

It really seems like the Middle East needs a complete reorg.

So are we supposed to analyze what the 2000 slaughtered did to provoke Boko Haram?

So are the left saying that if we offend them enough, they’ll start randomly murdering people?

I think it’s a good policy that when you murder or support murder, you lose the right to have your feelings cared about.

When the left hear a story about a woman being executed in the Middle East for being raped, do they say, “Maybe she drew a cartoon.”?

The Muslim world is full of inexcusable violence, but the contention is we’re the unlucky ones who get the violence that has logic to it.

12 people get gunned down over there, that’s just mindless violence. If it’s over here, then suddenly there’s logic to it.

Not offending religions is fine as long it’s even. If you offend Christians but avoid offending Muslims, the message is violence works.

Everyone who thinks we provoked this needs to explain at what point they would start murdering innocent people.

I like Jesus. Pretty big stretch to act like Jesus ever wanted you to hurt anybody.

“This is the march for free speech? Oh, I guess I’m in the next march, then.” -Eric Holder

It would really help people of lots of different cultures get along if we got rid of all other languages than English.

Neocons are conservatives who can dodge bullets in slow motion.

Golden Globes holds no interest for me. Only thing I watched in 2014 were a couple vines and instructional DVD on my new coffee pot.

I don’t even own a TV. I have ten different devices I can watch Netflix on, though.

I’ve considered making an award winning movie. I just have to know do Golden Globes and Oscars come with cash prizes?

I’m both really interested to see what will happen in its House of Cards 3rd season and think it’s actually not that great a show.

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Random Thoughts: Free College!

Friday, January 9, 2015 8:47 am

It’s important to show your kids love and affection as long as that doesn’t block the TV.

Islam needs more mockery until it gets used to it.

Will they be able to find another useless, arrogant idiot in California to replace Barbara Boxer?

Scientists have solved what came first, the chicken or the egg. What came first is the chegg – an animal half chicken, half egg. All cop.

“They may take our lives, but they’ll never take… Wait, where’s our freedom?”
“They took it while you were putting on the face paint.”

How about instead of paying for 14+ years of mainly worthless schooling, we offer free daycare until your kids are 30.

When people refer to something the government offers as “free,” it does suggest people need a lot more education.

I won’t take your money at gunpoint to buy you crappy presents. #FrankJ2016

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