Archive for the ‘Random Thought’ Category

Random Thoughts: Ready for Hillary!

Monday, April 13, 2015 9:26 am

I can get Amazon PrimeNow at my office. I wield power that even the greatest kings never had.

What boots did Nancy Sinatra have before she got ones made for walking? Rocket boots made for flying? Much more interesting to sing about.

Hillary Clinton is going to run for president again? Cool. Last time, a charismatic empty suit dashed her dreams, but she’s not deterred.

Hillary is pretty old, but I’d kinda prefer a president who would just sleep most of the day. 2nd best thing to another Coolidge.

I’m a little afraid that if Hillary fell down and couldn’t get up, she might mistake the nuclear football for her medical alert bracelet.

Republicans act a little too scared of Hillary. How bad can someone be who has a whole house made out of candy in the middle of the woods?

“My emojis aren’t tolerant enough.” Man, I’m hoping we’ve finally reached peak asininity.

So is the idea that in 2008 we just weren’t ready for Hillary? We did not complete the requisite Hillary prep?

“In 2008, there was still some hope left. But now… we’re ready for Hillary!”

One thing I’ll say about the new Daredevil show: That’s the tiniest font for opening credits I’ve ever seen.

No way anyone would try font that small in a pre-HD era. #Daredevil

“I can’t win this without your support.” -Hillary Clinton to her walker

You don’t have a soul if you don’t feel at least a little sympathy for the people pretending to be excited by a Hillary candidacy.

Maybe Hansel and Gretel tricked her into her oven. #WhyHillarysAnnouncementIsLate

“Hello. 40 years ago I was married to an extremely lecherous president when the economy was good. Please elect me president, too.”

Democrats rejected her 8 years ago as not exciting enough, but now that’s she even older and less relevant… there are no better choices.

This is going to be boring presidential campaign. I already wore myself out on making fun of Hillary 20 years ago.

If we get the right rich person to push people around with the right laws, everything will be good.

So when will get to the point that Democrat presidential candidates can stop pretending to be Christian?

The big question for 2016 will be how much as a country have we just plain given up.

This is a bit like if the GOP went for younger, more interesting candidate than Dole in 1996 then acted all excited for him 8 years later.

Then again, the young people who didn’t want Hillary in 2008 are now 7 years older and had the hope beaten out of them. #ReadyForHillary

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Random Thoughts: Wasserman, Audible, and Duck Tales

Friday, April 10, 2015 9:56 am

Back in my day, we retweeted everything by hand.

Debbie Wasserman-Schultz: “Whatever should be allowed for abortion should be between a woman and Doctor Gosnell.”

I believe in execution in some cases. Like the Joker. Really stupid they haven’t executed the Joker. He’s going to escape and kill again.

If I ever mansplain something to you, you thank me.

Best book I have read this year.” Really nice review of Audible version of Superego.

Sorta wish I could have done Audible version of Superego myself. Would love to have read for Rico. Not so much for Diane.

Overall, better to let a professional do it who knows how to keep all character voices distinct.

The humor in Superego seems to be a big selling point, but I never thought to mention that. It was supposed to be my first serious book.

The next novel I’m finishing up I think is funnier than Superego, but still not quite what I’d call a comedy.

I’ve had the Duck Tales theme song stuck in my head for three days now. Not sure I’m complaining.

My little sister was costume designer for new original series on Hulu Resident Advisors.

My sister is coming down to Austin to work on a project with Emergent Order. Will be my first time to work with her professionally.

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Random Thoughts: Rand, Roads, and Punishment

Wednesday, April 8, 2015 8:31 am

I think the best way Ron Paul could help Rand Paul in the Republican primary would be to denounce him.

“Roads? Where we’re going, we don’t need roads.” -Doc Brown advocating a libertarian future

If your bill gets struck down by a unanimous Supreme Court decision, you should be imprisoned for trying to subvert the Constitution.

We need to be constantly thinking of more ways to punish and imprison our legislators. That’s just common sense.

I’ll vote for whichever Republican candidate causes the most irrational freak outs.

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Random Thoughts: Reviews, Religious View, and Force

Tuesday, April 7, 2015 8:20 am

Getting nostalgic for when the left attacked marriage as an outdated institution instead of holding it up as the most important right ever.

While we have the image in our heads of large, lumbering dinosaurs, most weren’t very large at all. The majority were microscopic.

Been following reviews for my novel Superego on a number of different sites. It’s done best on Amazon – 4.7.

Amazon has some rating selection bias since you have to write a review to rate, so I think people who love or hate it most motivated.

Superego has done well on Goodreads. Not as familiar with the site, but don’t have to write review to rate.

The most ratings for Superego are on Audible.com. Also, the only two negative ratings.

Actually, I consider 3-stars a negative rating. That’s two whole stars of not liking it.

Anyway, on Audible, you have to own the book under Audible to rate it, but you don’t have to write a review.

I wouldn’t blame the narrator. I think he did a great job and got the tone right (and has been rated high in the reviews).

The only one star review (on Audible) wrote a review, and it’s pretty easy to dismiss him as crazy.

This is all very interesting. I’m used to instant feedback, but a novel is years to getting back what people think about it.

I’m really happy any read or enjoyed it at all, and I’m looking forward to getting out my next novel which I’m finishing up now.

Oh, and for everyone who’s enjoyed Superego so far, I’m working on a cool new project for it…

And a sequel to Superego is planned. Just need to finish up a couple other books first.

Once I got past the Yahoo Screen streaming issues, I’ve been absolutely loving the new episodes of Community.

Community has taken such a beating through the years (cast changes, losing show runner, cancellation), yet it still keeps finding its center.

We’re not taking religion out of marriage. We’re asking government to enforce one religious view over another.

If you believe in any parameters about marriage, you have a religious view on marriage. Non-religious view is “what the hell is marriage?”

That’s why current path we’re on is absolute nonsense (especially from libertarian perspective) and a recipe for continued conflict.

It’s like asking the government decide what constitutes a proper baptism and requiring others to participate.

Worth repeating: if you support the idea of the government defining what a marriage is, you’re a bad libertarian.

Bad, libertarian. Bad. *rolls up Constitution and hits libertarian on the nose*

Who wants a science fiction award given in honor of Hugo Chavez?

The SJWs attract all the craven people these days because you get to blame your lack of compassion on others.

“Love is love” is a really inane argument about marriage. For one, you should love lots of people, but you don’t marry them all.

And to say marriage should have anything to do with love is taking a religious view about it, and if the floor is open to religious views…

Another thing that should be obvious: If you’re not for plural marriages, then you place some value on the Christian view on marriage.

I’m usually libertarian, but I think you should have to submit a form proving extreme need before making a movie longer than 90 minutes.

The movie Lucy had too much gobbledygook for me. Was action movie with a 2001: A Space Odyssey ending.

I can put up with bad science and flighty philosophy if there was more tension and cool action sequences. #Lucy

Had pictures of me taking from various angles while making different expressions. Been a lot of new experiences this year.

Everyone should be reading Superego right now. What else could you be doing that is possibly more important?

Does Sally Kohn think a cigarette tax is government force? Because I’m pretty sure a guy got strangled over that.

If we had to hold a gun to someone’s head every time we wanted to force someone to do something, our arms would get tired. So we made laws.

Even more insistent than a personal trainer is a little kid yelling, “Do it again!”

Better Call Saul season finale was weird. Like almost Buffy season 4 finale weird. Definitely on board for next season, though.

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Random Thoughts: Freedom of Religion, Bullying, and Hypotheticals

Friday, April 3, 2015 8:40 am

Freedom of religion more fundamental than free speech. Little point to free speech if not free to have different beliefs to speak about.

Our civil rights are determined by whoever is best at bullying.

Are we all done caring about the host of The Daily Show yet?

Boy, I hope Iran doesn’t nuke any country I’ve heard of.

I’m thinking there’s ways to get everyone cake with no one being forced against their beliefs, but I dare say I’m missing the point.

Point of Order: They now say there are a number of different genders out there, but is it bigoted if I’m only attracted to one?

I kinda feel for Trevor Noah. If I ever had any unfunny tweets, I wouldn’t want people to focus on them.

I know when I’m intellectually secure in my position, I do everything I can to shut down the possibility of debate.

I’m still fascinated by the fact that all the Better Call Saul episode titles end in ‘o’ except one. What does it mean?!

I guess we’ve advanced so much as a country that most of the discrimination we’re now fighting is only theoretical.

Christians have strongly held religious views on marriage. They have them now. They’ll have them a thousand years from now. Cope with it.

When Jesus pointed to Adam and Eve (one man, one woman) as God’s model for marriage, was he being hateful? Would we put up with that now?

So what’s next? “We found a plumber who if he hypothetically sold pizza said he would hypothetically not cater a gay wedding.”

“Kill! Crush! Destroy!” -robot AI gone bad; also, current civil right movement

It’s too bad Sylvester is known primarily for his attempted violence against Tweety Bird and not his tireless efforts to end the suffering of succotash.

“With this kinda sorta agreement with Iran, I have saved the world. I’m basically Superman.” -President Obama

“Oh, I love your shoes! Oh, mommy, they’re so pretty. When you die and I’m a grown-up, can I please wear them?” -my 4yo to her mother

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Random Thoughts: Ted Kennedy, Religious Freedom, and The Daily Show

Tuesday, March 31, 2015 8:05 am

For good satire, you need to get to the heart of the issue. I just can’t fathom thinking so lightly on a topic to get the Borowitz take.

I don’t like attacking someone else attempting to do humor — as we all fail — but he’s like a parody of intellectual laziness.

Maybe it’s like an Andy Kaufman routine, though, and he’s more brilliant than us all.

If you ever don’t like a tweet of mine, please note that it’s possible that at some point in time I was hacked.

We need to stop Christians from forcing their beliefs on us about how we shouldn’t be forcing beliefs on them.

If you’re a Dem who can’t admit Ted Kennedy was an awful person, then it’s hypocritical to attack a Republican for absolutely anything.

Left don’t have a live and let live attitude. They feel there are people out there with wrong viewpoints, and they want gov to punish them.

“If you destroy religious freedom, we’ll all get cake.” #TheCakeIsALie

Once there was a civil rights movement that wasn’t primarily dishonest posturing. I read about it in a history book.

I hadn’t paid attention to The Daily Show since Craig Kilborne left. What’s going on?

Don’t get the problem. Does host of The Daily Show need to be bright or does he need to be able to read a teleprompter and make funny faces?

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Random Thoughts: Harry Reid, John Wick, and Oppression

Monday, March 30, 2015 7:43 am

The main foe of abortion having greater acceptance are the people who fall in love with their children after the 10 week ultrasound.

I’m like super-confused now. Is it feminist or anti-feminist to portray women as delicate little flowers?

“Women should be in combat! But no clapping… that could scare them.”

I am busy on the final edits for my next novel. It will be a bit more light-hearted than Superego, though still not quite a comedy.

Remember: There’s an Audible version of Superego. Could listen for free with 30 day trial.

I assume I still get royalties even if you get it for free. I should probably look into that.

I’m really excited about how many people have enjoyed my first novel. Have other exciting stuff in the works I hope I can announce soon.

Maybe a way to market flu shots to college kids is to say they prevent viruses from committing microaggressions.

There isn’t someone reading this right now who hasn’t purchased a copy of Superego, right? That would make no sense whatsoever.

You have to admire the time Harry Reid argued that taxes are voluntary. It was very creative. He will be missed in the Senate.

My goal for the 2016 presidential election is to be as engaged as I was for the 1984 one (when I was five and only vaguely aware of it).

I think the reasonable thing to do would be to put Hillary Clinton in prison until she un-deletes her emails.

Finally watched John Wick. Pretty cool movie. Glad there’s going to be a sequel.

Only complaint: really indistinct dragon character. “Oh, that’s not Thug #3; that’s the guy who’s bested John Wick twice already.”

From John Wick, I’ve decided I’m going to practice the Center Axis Relock gun stance in case I need to kill a dozen people in close confines.

Liam Neeson from Taken is pretty much the standard for fathers these days, right?

When you’re asking the government to force someone to do something, you’ve become an oppressor. It doesn’t matter what your background is.

It’s quite fashionable to hatefully rail against perceived hate, but angry people filled righteousness never led to anything bad.

I find laws against bulletproof vests pretty funny. “The police need to be able to shoot you… for your own protection.”

So the guy who was Jacob in Lost also plays Lucifer in Supernatural season 5. That’s some weird type-casting.

Disney owns the muppets, too? If Disney ever decides to go evil, they can basically hold everything from our childhoods hostage.

I’m old enough to remember when the American left was liberal. Well, old enough to have read about it.

Science and religion are two separate things, and absolutely everyone practices both.

To support late term abortion but not infanticide makes no moral sense, as Gosnell obviously realized.

It’s a little bit disturbing how many people think the most pressing issue of the day is it’s too hard to kill tiny humans.

Why would anyone join Scientology anymore? Does anyone join a religion these days without first googling it?

The state will either protect religious freedom or end up imposing a religion. One or the other.

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Random Thoughts: President, Cruz, and Mickey

Wednesday, March 25, 2015 8:22 am

If you don’t have friends, make some just so you can talk about Superego. It will be worth the annoyance of friends.

Just a reminder that I am now old enough to be president. I promise to do nothing other than cash my check each week if elected.

Or does the president get paid biweekly? Or twice a month? Anyone know how that works?

And would it be possible to not have to move to D.C. if elected president? That place is full of weirdos and sociopaths.

Future headline to keep in mind if Ted Cruz takes charge in implementing his policies: “Cruz Control.” Lemme explain…

The Conservative Book Club doesn’t exactly have a large selection under “Fiction,” but it makes up for it in quality.

When watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, I can’t get over what an egomaniac Mickey is. Everything has to be named after or shaped like him.

For a while, he even tried to call the Hot Dog Dance the “Mousekadance.” Come on, dude.

The less you like the Republican candidate in the primary, the less you’ll be disappointed by him later.

Hey, maybe in another decade FOX will revive Firefly for a couple episodes.

3-star reviews hurt. That’s two whole stars of not liking it. And stars are some of the largest objects in the universe.

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Random Thoughts: Lynch and Starbucks

Monday, March 23, 2015 8:26 am

“Loretta Lynch: She’ll help you in a pinch!” -slogan for if she wants to compete against Saul Goodman

Let’s look at these questions. Where do I most often interact with someone of another race? Well, it’s not at Starbucks.

If you spent all day at Starbucks, you’d probably be really curious about minorities too.

I’m mainly watching The Last Man on Earth out of curiosity of where in the world the story will go.

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Random Thoughts: Starbucks, Community, and Voting

Friday, March 20, 2015 8:12 am

So have all the white hipsters at Starbucks solved race yet?

Paying people to dig ditches and other people to fill in those ditches still sounds more useful than ethanol subsidies.

Come on, guys; if you’re going to pay millions to revive a TV series, make sure your video delivery system is ready. #Community

And now I really want to see Portuguese Gremlins. #Community

And I really like the weirdness of new-Shirley’s non-weirdness. #Community

My view on voting is that it should take little effort to vote, but it should take some effort. Disenfranchise the extremely lazy.

Wait… the president of which country suggested voting should be mandatory?

It’s becoming the mantra of the left that if anything is worth doing, it’s worth doing at gunpoint.

In my dream world, voting wouldn’t matter. Because no matter who was elected, my rights wouldn’t be on the chopping block.

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Random Thoughts: Starbucks and Community

Wednesday, March 18, 2015 8:02 am

Community is back! In a really weird place… But it’s back!

What’s the slogan of Yahoo! Screen? “Yeah, it’s a thing.”

BTW, if you’ve never seen Community, it’s worth subscribing to Hulu Plus just for being able to watch seasons 1-3,5.

Being offended is a choice.

What does it mean about race that my reaction to the news about Starbuck’s #RaceTogether was the annoyed exclamation, “White people!”?

Let’s talk about race, baby.
Let’s talk about harmony.
Let’s talk about all the things you do micro-agressively.
Let’s about race.

I’m still not convinced this Starbucks thing is real.

I’m a little scared about what I may say on any controversial issue before I’ve had my coffee.

So people getting worked up over the cover art on a Batgirl comic was a real thing?

You can’t stay ahead of the SJWs if your tried. They invent new things to be offended by every single day.

So far, only one episode title of Better Call Saul didn’t end in an ‘o’ and I’m still trying to figure out if that’s significant.

Are corn farmers basically welfare queens?

Is Starbucks charging enough for a latte to be able to solve the issue of race?

Experience so far is that Yahoo Screen really needs to work on its video streaming. I have 300mbs down and the video is choppy.

The ads are streaming just fine.

Captions are out of sync. Come on, Yahoo, this isn’t time for amateur hour. #Community

The video quality was almost unwatchable with how choppy it is, and now it’s froze with two minutes left. :( #Community

Here’s how desperate I was to watch the new Community: I opened Internet Explorer to see if Yahoo Screen would work better in it.

I think I’ll wait on watching the second Community episode. Maybe it’s a bandwidth problem on Yahoo’s end that will better another day.

Not sure what I thought of the first episode. Might rewatch if I can fix the video quality issues. #Community

I’m kind of amused in how people tell me how funny Superego when it’s supposed to be my first big serious work.

Being disappointed by a politician is what you get for having any expectations whatsoever.

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Random Thoughts: Logan Act and Vladimir

Monday, March 16, 2015 7:46 am

I assume the Logan Act was put in place after the traitorous actions of President Logan.

I don’t think there’s anything preventing someone from running for president while in prison, if that’s relevant to a candidate.

*Hitler answers the phone* “Hello?”
“I have a list of Nazis I’m killing, and you’re at the top.”
-Schindler’s List with today’s Liam Neeson

So our third child is going to be a girl. Girl, boy, girl.

My 22 month old son thinks it’s funny to hit me. And it is funny to hit me. But I still think I’m supposed to stop him.

Come on, you guys. Stop violating the Logan Act.

Woo! I’m in downtown Austin for SXSW! In a back room. At a laptop. Because that’s how I party.

The attack on Caesar on the Ides of March was in clear violation of the Logan Act.

Is it possible to be named “Vladimir” and not be evil?

If they find Vladimir Putin again, they should put a chip in his neck like we did the cats.

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Random Thoughts: Hillary Clinton and the Apple Watch

Wednesday, March 11, 2015 8:38 am

My main goal for Superego was to make the story fun, but I do like that some people found it made them think.

Frantically posting a one star review on Amazon: “It’s a cookbook! A COOKBOOK!” #ModernTwilightZone

President Obama claims he just first learned about colors from watching Sesame Street last week.

Haven’t started writing sequel to Superego. Have 2 other novels to finish up first. But you’ll still see it before next Game of Thrones book.

Watched first two episodes of the new Netflix series Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt. Liked it. It was pretty cute.

When will we admit the war on daylight is lost?

Hillary Clinton 2016: “Absolutely everything you hate about politicians. Plus woman.”

Apple Watch? That sounds stupid. I’d only pay maybe $300 for that. Idiots.

Did you know that Curious George was originally a French creation? And instead of being a curious monkey, he was one filled with ennui.

Most stories were just him staring with contempt at the Man in the Yellow Hat while smoking cigarettes.

I can’t get the Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt theme out of my head.

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt almost feels like an extension of 30 Rock in how it’s exact same humor style. So far, very fun; very upbeat.

I like things to be positive. In my novel Superego, the main character is a psychotic hitman, but I tried to find the positive spin on it.

If you can pay $10,000 for a gold Apple Watch that will be outdated in a year, you’re probably rich enough to dictate what time it is.

You no longer need a $100 a month cable subscription to get HBO. Instead you need $500 Apple devices.

Now that I’m an iOS developer, I’m more interested in WatchKit than the actual watch.

“And we’re not even going to tell you how much the gold Apple Watch costs because if you have to ask, you probably have poor on you.”

Trying to figure out how to justify this to my employer. “I need the gold Apple Watch to make sure our software works with… precious metals.”

Hillary Clinton sure is acting like someone who has nothing to not hide.

Getting pretty excited about our SXSW event. Should be cool. http://www.dprogram.org

I think it’s going to be a big party. I’ve never partied before. I’m not even sure of the mechanics involved.

I think Colin Powell is trying too hard to distract from the big face-plant he did stepping out of his party to support such a doof.

Filming again. I get to learn about exterior shooting.

I’m sure Hillary has a reasonable explanation of the emails that dozens of people have been working for days on.

It was a Kobayashi Maru for Hillary. She could have stayed quiet and looked guilty or spoke and… also looked guilty.

Long day of shooting, but man is this going to look awesome.

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Random Thoughts: Bibi, the Clintons, and Filming

Friday, March 6, 2015 7:39 am

One of the best parts of the As You Wish Audible version is hearing Cary Elwes do imitations of everyone, including Bill Clinton.

It might have been a little insulting when Bibi Netanyahu offered to tutor Barack Obama on how to lead a country.

I don’t want to be distrustful, but do you ever get the feeling the Clintons aren’t always forthright?

Did a table read with the leads from the project I’m working on. Don’t want to overhype it, but it’s going to be the most awesome thing ever

I’m seeing buzz for an Eric Hoteham write in campaign.

A great promotion for The Moon is a Harsh Mistress movie would be a free lunch at McDonald’s with each ticket purchase.

“Hillary, who was legal counsel who said this email account was ok?”
“George.”
“George who?”
“George.. uh..” *looks at highball* “…Glass.”

Goal on film set today:
1. Don’t screw anything up.
2. Stay out of the way.

It’s pretty amazing watching John Papola direct. I feel like I only did half the storytelling with the script.

Awesome new job. A script I wrote is being filmed. Doing my first iOS app. First novel out. Third kid on the way. YEAR OF FRANK!

Not to be confused with “Flanders Religious” from The Simpsons.
Flanders Scientific

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Random Thoughts: House of Cars, Dress, and Downton Abbey

Monday, March 2, 2015 8:03 am

I like the way Frank Underwood keeps breaking the fourth wall like Abed from Community.

Don’t turn ISIS into monstrous, one-dimensional villains. That’s their job.

Rick Perry: “I’m here to do 3 things: Kick ass and chew bubblegum. And I’m all out of bubblegum. And I forgot the third.”

If someone is claiming to understand how the dress phenomenon works, then make a new image that causes the same color disagreement.

Stay outta the Bushes!

BTW, I intensely believe the dress is the same color you believe it is, because you’re smart. Buy my book.

Don’t know what else to say on my book. Some like an exciting read. Others like boredom. They’re the ones who see the dress the wrong color.

Well, the premiere of House of Cards season 3 was… slow.

The Scott Walker thing was yet another episode demonstrating the left cares about rape only a itty bitty fraction as much as they care about partisanship.

Finally getting around to signing copies of Superego. If you’re waiting on yours, sorry this took so long.

One guy gave the Audible version of Superego a one star review, but don’t listen to him. I hear he also gave one star reviews to sunshine and puppies.

I’m still just thrilled anyone at all liked my novel. It really is a new thing for me, but the sort of writing I’ve always wanted to do.

So has anyone submitted a bug report to God over this whole dress thing?

Right now, House of Cards season 3 is losing out to Supernatural season 2 (also on Netflix).

I’m am planning a sequel to Superego, but I have two other novels in the pipeline before it.

That really was a great article from Ana Marie Cox. It would be nice if more people spoke frankly about their faith.

You don’t have to get far into the first book of Larry Correia’s Monster Hunter series to see why it’s so popular.

Bonus points if you’re into guns.

Interesting, I’m watching Supernatural while reading Monster Hunter — two different takes on all myths are real.

Everything seems more dangerous in the Monster Hunter universe, but you also get paid for killing supernatural things, so that helps.

Won’t someone just finally put the Bates out of their misery? It’s getting ridiculous. #DowntonAbbey

I realized if the Bates do get back together and have a son, he’d be called “Master Bates,” so I guess we have to see this through.

“Now both Bates are cleared for murder. Hooray!”
“I’m from Scotland Yard. I’m to bring the Bateses in on charge of regicide.”
“D’oh!”

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Random Thoughts: Net Neutrality and a White and Gold Dress

Friday, February 27, 2015 8:04 am

I thought it was disrespectful when my 1yo son said, “Cracker, please!” to me, but it ends up he wanted a cracker.

Working on pilot for show where Lucy Lawless plays character named Lucy who is leader of an anarchist group. Trying to think of name for it.
Maybe “Lucy No-Laws”
“Anne-archy” is another idea. Would have to change the main character’s name, though.

It’s done. Our house in Idaho is sold. Goodbye-daho.

Yes, bio needs updating. I’m now a Texan. I have a big hat and am working on a drawl.

You’re afraid in the future the internet will get slower, so you want the FCC in charge of it? What universe do you live in?

Must be hard to hear people quote “leading scientists” when you’re a trailing scientist. Let it motivate you to do some better sciencing.

So when is Texas planning to secede? Before April 15th, right?

Found an old Armageddon DVD. Fond memories of a time before I knew I supposed to hate Michael Bay.

I’m starting an organization where we nurse lame jokes back to health. Sometimes all it takes is a delivery by Norm MacDonald.

1. Government steps in to allegedly help consumers
2. Cronies go on regulatory board
3. Cronies crush competition and get rich off consumers

No one, no matter who they are, is above the llama.

I heard Scott Walker had a good speech at CPAC, but since he didn’t finish college, he only used one syllable words.

The Slap is a How I Met Your Mother spinoff, right?

My mom says she sees blue and black. Is she part of a flash mob playing a joke on everyone?
White and Gold Dress

Replicants are exactly like regular humans in almost all regards, but there is a subtle flaw in their ability to discern color…

“I’m going to irradiate all the gold in Ft. Knox, Mr. Bond.”
“You’re a fool, Goldfinger. There’s nothing in here but black bricks.”

Saw this weird color phenomenon where I was behind Niagara and everything went B&W. Just assumed colors don’t work all the time in Canada.

So is people not agreeing on colors a known phenomenon, or did we break the Matrix today?

It’s nice some people are taking a break from solving all the world’s problems to chastise people about caring about this dress thing.

Really? Black? You can’t see any yellow in it? You’re not making sense. Get some rest.

Some people who once saw blue and black now see white and gold. There is a cure. Don’t give up hope.

Gold does not become black! There is no color correction where gold becomes black! Stop lying and saying it isn’t gold!

This is some weird government experiment. You let them take over the internet, and now they’re using it to tear us apart. #Dress

“It may appear to be a white and gold dress, but if we color correct it, it’s now a much darker white and gold dress.”

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Random Thoughts: Tolerance, Obama’s Love, and Passwords

Wednesday, February 25, 2015 8:12 am

Remember how Obama made a big deal of not wearing a flag pin in the 2008 primary and then started wearing it in the general? Good times.

Learned a new thing about The Princess Bride in first minute of listening to Audible version of As You Wish: How to pronounce “Elwes.”

I wasn’t even close all these years, I assumed it was one syllable.

So Neil Patrick Harris is getting hate for the single funny joke he had at the Oscars? Poor guy.

We’re going to run out of ways to not offend people. As a white, heterosexual, cisgender male, I’m committing a hate crime just by existing.

When the progressive direction is toward being humorless, puritanical scolds, maybe “progressive” isn’t the best term.

Can we all at least agree there are things President Obama hates more than America?

We can’t even imagine the things our children will one day be offended by.

That’s a good question. Anyone have a particular actor in mind for Rico when reading Superego?

It’s weird how raccoons evolved masks to hide their identities from predators.

I reprogrammed the replicator to respond to “Earl Grey tea hot” with “Shut up, baldy!” Everyone had a good laugh. A few were court-martialed.

The country should love President Obama whether he loves us back or not.

Apparently some people still haven’t heard I have a science fiction novel out. I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned it.

Got 1 negative review of my novel so far; it’s on Audible. Pretty sure that guy’s a freak, though. Everyone loves me.

If you’d like to say good things about Superego, make sure to put that on internet like Amazon. If you want to say bad things, hide in shame.

New Q for Republicans: If there was button to get unlimited organic kale at cost of destroying America, do you think Obama would press it?

“Obama is busy eating a waffle. A train is headed for U.S. Button to divert train next to Obama. Would Obama pause eating to push button?”

So is there one actual example of a woman getting paid less for same work as a man, or is this all theoretical?

The USPS site has the most convoluted password requirements I’ve ever seen. I’m trying to order stamps, not launch nuclear missiles.

RE USPS password: To require a special character but have a very limited list of allowable special characters seems to add insecurity.

They only allow 13 special characters, and you know at least one of them is in the password. Head start right there.

Funny. Any time I see Alec Baldwin I now think of his portrayal in The Big Bang and like him better.

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Random Thoughts: Aquaman, Patriotism, and the Oscars

Monday, February 23, 2015 8:08 am

This probably wasn’t Obama’s first choice of a country to be president of, but I think he really likes his job.

“All the fish say I look tough and cool.” -Aquaman

This is the kind of hair you get when any criticism of your leaders leads to execution.
Kim Jung Un Hair

“Wow. Cool shirt, Aquaman. It’s too bad you’re completely useless it most situations.”

“Batman doesn’t have superpowers. How do I rank below Batman?”
“Talking to fish is considered worse than no superpowers.”

“Ever notice how Clark Kent is never around when Superman appears? Wait! He must be scared of Superman because he’s really Lex Luthor!”

“This is why I hate this country.” -President Obama on being told what Giuliani said

There are two things the left hates:
1. Patriotism
2. Having their patriotism questioned

“I see you are eating food. Did you know that I enjoy eating food as well?” -dogs

So happy people are liking Superego. Brand new for me entertaining people with suspense and drama and not just humor.

Writing novel way different than blogging. I’m used to write something, get instant feedback instead of waiting years until some sees it.

No one actually believes President Obama loves America, but we all know it’s rude to point out. Come on, jerks.

“You settled on president. I settled on country to be president of. Let’s just be civil with each other.” -President Obama

Alien Gear (http://aliengearholsters.com) sent me this cool IWB holster to try out. I had to supply the gun, though.
Alien Gear Holster

Pretty comfy, actually. Plastic around the gun, about this nice soft material on the part that actually presses against you.

Did you hear how Bloomberg is trying to make it that every gun has to come with a trigger warning?

What’s happening? We’re doubting whether Obama is a Christian? But I wasn’t done doubting whether he loves this country.

Superego’s page now has that “x many reviewers made a similar statement” section. Does an algorithm generate that?

This past year I watched some old westerns and the first couple seasons of Supernatural on Netflix. Any of that get nominated for an Oscar?

Wow. The opening number isn’t even over and the Oscars have already gone long.

I didn’t even know they did a movie spinoff of Iron Man 2.

I’m tired of all these stuck up rich people. Is Downton Abbey still on tonight?

When is the special effects category with the one movie I saw?

Sorry. I’m morally obligated to plug my novel a few times per day because it’s awesome.

Women only think pay inequality is a thing because they’re bad at math.

Do people not understand how markets work? If you really could pay women less for same work, men would never get jobs.

Ever hear of the Oscar curse where any actor who wins an Oscar has to sit through next year’s Oscars?

I can’t believe my wife is emasculating me by making me watch the Oscars instead of Downton Abbey… I mean a sports game.

Glad they didn’t have applause during “in memoriam.” It’s not nice when they applaud loudly for some, saying, “I’m glad he’s dead!”

Abe Vigoda will never be on in memoriam. He will outlive the Oscars.

People are still doing that rap music? I thought that was just a 90s thing.

Why doesn’t any winner ever say, “Haha, losers! I out acted you! Eat it!”?

Heard a lot of mixed things about Birdman. *sighs* Guess I’ll check it out.

Wes Anderson doesn’t need an Academy Award for best picture. They can eventually just give him a lifetime whimsy award.

Hollywood doesn’t love America.

So now all American Sniper is getting is the love of the general public and hundreds and hundreds of millions of dollars?

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Random Thoughts: Scott Walker, Netflix, and Science Fiction

Friday, February 20, 2015 8:45 am

I don’t know about the administration’s theory on ISIS. Getting a job didn’t keep President Obama from being a sociopath.

A fun thing to do if you ever met Scott Walker is to keep quoting the Iliad just to confuse him since he never graduated college.

Wait, was the Iliad the one where Grendel blinds the cyclops?

A better president that Obama would be a white noise machine. Then every time the president gave a long speech, people would calm down.

For the first time in my daughter’s life, we have cable TV in the house. Now realizing huge advantage of Netflix: no toy commercials.

Superego is now ranked in the Space Opera category. Apparently, it’s a very competitive category.

Writing a space opera is not easy. I’m not very familiar with Italian. But if you have a dream, you make it happen.

Science fiction much much more competitive area than political humor. Who knew?

Well, thanks to everyone who bought Superego so far! Hope you all really enjoy it. I just aim to not be boring.

You’re probably asking, “How do I help Superego’s Amazon rank?” It’s simple and I’ll explain it to you: You purchase a copy.

I’m just so happy to have anyone reading my novel. Reminds me of the same feeling I had when I first cracked 100 unique visitors on my blog.

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Random Thoughts: My Novel and ISIS Jobs

Thursday, February 19, 2015 8:23 am

“Audible: Because reading is for poor people.”

You have to be curious what a novel written by me would be like. It’s like reading 3000 tweets of mine in a row.

Actually, that sounds really tedious. Forget that.

Superego is a action adventure with tons of twists and turns, and you know it has to be exciting because I have a very short attention span.

There’s also some themes on morality, redemption, what it means to be human — but mainly cool stuff and action and exciting things.

And it’s edited. Really really edited. Me without grammar errors. Can you imagine? That’s at least worth a nickel a gander.

Anyway, when you give Superego a read, I would love to hear what you think. Unless you don’t like it. No one cares what you think, then.

Someone needs to update my Wikipedia page. Whose job is that?

Yes, new territory for me: a novel with actual, serious drama in it. But I’ve wanted to be a novelist long before I started blogging.

Don’t know if this administration will stop ISIS, but I’m pretty confident they’re keeping an eye on the cast of Duck Dynasty.

“Hi, ISIS, we’ll pay you minimum wage for this new job. It’s called ‘not killing people.’ It’s full time work.”

“Which Ukraine are we talking about?”
“THE Ukraine.”

If ISIS wants jobs, don’t they get to stamp license plates in hell or something?

And I’m telling you about my novel to benefit me. I’m just really afraid you’re going to miss out if you don’t get a copy.

All the excitement, all the twists and turns – you don’t want to miss that. Real roller coaster ride. Be sad to not experience it.

I’m just looking out for you. Because I’m a great guy. And an even better writer.

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