The Senate version of the health care bill is out. And it’s big. And expensive. And puts J. K. Rowling to shame.

Let me explain.

The bill is 2,074 pages long.

CNN reports the cost of the bill, over 10 years, is calculated at $849,000,000,000

That’s $409,353,905.50 per page.

J. K. Rowling’s seven-book Harry Potter series sold 325-million copies in the first 10 years. At 4,195 pages, at the hardcover price of $24.95, that works out to $8,108,750,000 in sales (and the amount is less, if any of those sales were cheaper paperback versions).

Amount per page sold in a Harry Potter book? $1,932,955.90

That means a single page of the Senate bill is worth 211.7 times more than a page from a Harry Potter book.

Senator Tom Coburn (R-OK) says he will read the entire bill aloud on the Senate floor before allowing a vote.

I hope he does. And I hope he then reads the entire Harry Potter series aloud. Then, Harry Reid can see if his bill is really worth more than a Harry Potter book.

One final thought: both Rowling and Reid are masters of fiction. The difference is that I have the choice of not buying Rowling’s writings. Reid demands I pay for his.

Fred was out beating up flu viruses and throwing them into the sun, so there was no Lightning Round for 11-11.

On another topic, I found an old picture of Fred Thompson from his Watergate days, and I noticed that he bore a passing resemblance to Jack Nicholson:

Of course, that was over 30 years ago. People change.

Or do they?

Bearded Jack, meet Bearded Fred:

Now I’m not normally the conspiracy theory type, but has ANYONE ever seen Fred & Jack together in the same room?

To those who served before, with, and after me - thank you.

To those who were civilians from 1985 to 1991 - thank you for being the kind of Americans worth serving.

Seriously, sometimes the only thing that makes the military tolerable is knowing that someday you’ll come home to a country with ice cubes, hot showers, flush toilets, and that doesn’t smell like a mix of diesel exhaust & urine.

And congratulations to Google for actually bothering to pay lip service this time around.

Oh, and an answer to that pesky grammatical question from the US Dept. of Veterans Affairs:

Q. Which is the correct spelling of Veterans Day?

a. Veterans Day
b. Veteran’s Day
c. Veterans’ Day

A. Veterans Day (choice a, above). Veterans Day does not include an apostrophe but does include an “s” at the end of “veterans” because it is not a day that “belongs” to veterans, it is a day for honoring all veterans.

Boston Globe - “more than two-thirds of 14,506 jobs credited to the recovery act by Head Start programs involved pay increases.”

See, if they hadn’t given their employees pay raises, they would have had to fire them.

[hat tip: Laurie]

There’s plenty of disturbing stuff in this picture: Michelle’s “worst Catwoman EVAH!”; Barack’s… what?… Mr. Rogers?… and the fact that Chewbacca is calmly standing next to a Stormtrooper instead of ripping his arms off and beating him to death with them (Wookies have been known to do that).

But what’s REALLY bugging me is… what’s the deal with the two Klansmen in the upper left?

UPDATE 10pm: Just to the right of the Klansmen… is that Riff Raff?

Some stuffy Brit said:

“Meat is a wasteful use of water and creates a lot of greenhouse gases. It puts enormous pressure on the world’s resources.”

Being made of meat myself, I find that remark offensive.

The Dems are renaming the public option:

The plan, called the “robust” option or “Medicare Plus 5″ in the jargon that has emerged on Capitol Hill, ties provider reimbursement rates to Medicare, adding 5 percent. Leaders are planning to roll the bill out next week, and are hoping to vote the first week in November

Fred called this one on September 30th:

[YouTube direct link]

[quote starts at 0:36 mark]

The Senate Finance Committee voted down a public option amendment to the health care bill. Does that mean it’s finally dead?

Probably not. They’ll just change the name and put it back up again. So if you hear about the “super duper non-private double-happy health care delight option”, be suspicious.

Prescience is just one of The Fred’s many awesome powers.

The Obamas recently acquired a variety of art works with which to decorate the White House.

Let’s see how well you know your art.

Below you will find a picture of one of the new White House works, followed by two possible titles. See if you can pick the right one.

Good luck!

---

Ed Ruscha (1983)

A) I Think I’ll…
B) Afghanistan Policy

*****

Richard Diebenkorn (1955)

A) Berkeley no. 52
B) Refrigerator Reject

*****

Josef Albers (1961)

A) Homage to the Square: Elected II
B) It’s Art Because It’s Off-Center

*****

Nicolas De Stael (1954)

A) Nice
B) “A White Guy, An Indian, And A Black Guy Walk Into A Bar…”

*****

Glenn Ligon (1992)
[The phrase "All traces of the Griffin I had been were wiped from existence," repeats in all caps on the canvas, slowly overlapping until the words disappear into black.]

A) Black Like Me #2
B) “No Beer And No TV Make Homer… something something”

*****

Edgar Degas (c. 1896-1911, cast 1919-32)

A) The Bow
B) Pinched One Off

*****

Alma Thomas (1963)

A) Watusi (Hard Edge)
B) South Park: Cutting Room Floor

*****

Alma Thomas (1973)

A) Sky Light
B) Currier & Ives & Blender

*****

George Catlin (c. 1861-69)

A) A Foot War Party in Council - Mandan
B) No Squaw, No Firewater

*****

George Catlin (c. 1861-69)

A) Buffalo Chase, With Accidents
B) Shouldn’t Have Been Texting

*****

Winslow Homer (1875)

A) Sunset Beaching The Boat
B) A Boat Full Of His Promises

*****

Sam Francis (1960)

A) The White Line
B) Zamboni Accident

*****

William H. Johnson (c. 1944)

A) Children Dance
B) “Braaaaaainssss…”

*****

William H. Johnson (c. 1944)

A) Flower to Teacher
B) When Cousins Marry

*****

William H. Johnson (c. 1944)

A) Folk Family
B) Velcro Dress

*****

William H. Johnson (c. 1944-45)

A) Booker T. Washington Legend
B) “You lie!”

---

UPDATE 10-11-09 - In the comments, Aletha (who has an art blog and some talent) defended some of the artists I picked on, and I admit that not all of them deserved skewering, but I *really* have to disagree on Diebenkorn. Art is the selective recreation of reality according to the artist’s values. Diebenkorn worked very hard for a long time to paint… nothing.

He went out of his way for hours, days, weeks… to create something with no specific meaning.

Even Michael Moore (whose soul is an appalling dump heap, overflowing with the most disgraceful assortment of rubbish imaginable, mangled up in tangled-up knots) doesn’t do that.

Anyway, here’s some good art to cleanse your palate (caution: may contain artistic nudity). I think you’ll be able to see the difference between what THEY think is important and what Diebenkorn values.

Six people arrested Tuesday evening in a small protest of Chicago’s bid for the 2016 Games were charged with mob action Wednesday.

The five men and one woman interrupted crews that were attempting to hang an Olympic laurel from the Picasso statue in Daley Plaza by dragging the Olympic banner and tossing it into the “eternal flame,” authorities said.

Apparently their protest was more effective than I would have expected.

UPDATE 9:30PM - High praise! to commenter George Guy of The Prophet of Neofederalism for proving Obama is NOT like Hitler:

Hitler was able to bring the Olympics to Berlin.

Actual billboard on I-70 in Blue Springs, MO.

I think it’s especially poignant given Friday’s Olympic bitch-slap.

What’s the name for that psychological disorder where you imagine that someone you hate possesses the defect that you, yourself, have and are ashamed of?

There are a couple of birthdays today of people important to me. But important for way different reasons. And in way different worlds.

In real life, my daughter turns 26 today.

And, if my online life, one of the bloggers for whom I have the utmost respect turns 43 today: yes, Harvey, we remembered.

Harvey may or may not have a post up today. Update: he does. And, his last one at his blog was a real serious one for 9/11. So, I’m unsure if I should wish him happy birthday here, or at his blog. I may do both.

But, now, it’s your problem. To figure out how to tell Harvey “happy birthday.” I’m sure you’ll think of something.

We should not forget …

[Direct YouTube link]

Sorry to interrupt teh funneh, but I wanted to throw this in…

Over at my little blog, I wrote about a serious piece about a WordPress worm that’s going around. It’s hit some major blogs so far.

If you have your own WordPress blog (NOT hosted at wordpress.com), you might want to give it a read. It might be useful.

If you don’t have a WordPress blog, you won’t care.

Dude, if you fall off that bike and crack your skull open, you’re not getting it fixed on the taxpayer’s dime.

From this ABC News story:

Fear for Obama’s Safety Grows as Hate Groups Thrive on Racial Backlash
Violent Signs, Gun, Standoff Latest in Emerging Anger Towards the President
By BRIAN ROSS, ANNA SCHECTER and MEGAN CHUCHMACH

Comes this sentence [hat tip Peren for bringing it to my attention]:

“Experts say a sharp growth in so-called militia groups that helped spawn a wave of domestic terrorism in the 1990s – and are now using YouTube, rock music and the Internet to recruit members and spread hate and fear - shouldn’t be ignored.”

Which I nominate for an award for “the least specific sentence ever put in a ‘news’ story”. Let’s rephrase this, shall we?

Un-named experts say an unquantified growth in what un-named random people call “militia groups” which may have an had an unspecified relationship to an unspecified number of unnamed crimes between 10 and 20 years ago - and are using modern communication methods that old people find confusing and scary to do unspecified bad things - should have an unspecified degree of attention paid to it.

In other words, “Some guys said ‘Hey! Look at this!’”.

I’m guessing their editor must’ve died in some tragic racial-backlash incident, because he obviously wasn’t around to save these three diddlewits from Casey-Jonesing this linguistic train-wreck.

A couple of guys from the Washington Post made a video, a portion of which was described as follows:

In the video, columnist Dana Milbank and White House correspondent and blogger Chris Cillizza appeared in smoking jackets to discuss the kinds of beer politicians might drink. Milbank said he couldn’t reveal to whom President Barack Obama would serve a drink called “Mad B—- Beer.” That line was followed by a brief picture of Clinton. [censorship of the word "Bitch" in original]

So they had to apologize.

Why?

The group Women, Action and the Media complained to the Post in a letter signed by 32 women. They called the video “sexist” and “tasteless.”

You can see the video (which I thought was at least marginally clever, well-produced, and less partisan than I expected, since they called out a few Democrats, as well as finishing by insulting themselves) and read the letter at the WAM site.

And while you’re the there, check out the list of sponsors in the left sidebar:

That’s right, the site offended by the word “bitch” is sponsored by “Bitch Magazine”.

UPDATE:

Although WaPo took the video off their site, they left it on their server. So I snagged it and put it on YouTube so that people can judge it for themselves:

[YouTube direct link]

UPDATE 2:

Basil points out in the comments, one of the signatories to the “How DARE you use the word bitch!” letter was:

“Andi Zeisler
Editorial Director
Bitch Media”

Un.
F’n.
Parodyable.

64 years later, America is still the only nation on earth to have used nuclear weapons in a war.

Our enemies would do well to remember this, and fear us accordingly

And don’t tell me it could never happen under our current president, because Obama may very well accidentally push a launch button while stumbling around, trying to remove a bucket from his head.

[YouTube direct link]

In this video (around 1:27, but watch it all to enjoy Sebelius getting booed), Senator Specter talks about how, with a large bill, he’ll split it into sections, give it to his staff, and let them tell him what’s in it.

Not acceptable, Senator Specter.

Read it. Read it all. It’s your job.

Read the full bill.

Or, as your constituents will soon be telling you in every letter, phone call, and e-mail…

RTFB

I’m pretty sure the “F” stands for “full”. I’ll have my staff look into it and report back to me.

After they finish spray-painting it on your car.

Some people are angry that Glenn Beck called Obama a racist.

I’m not.

Because it’s true.

You see, it turns out that Officer Crowley and Professor Gates are both Irish.

And Obama is inviting them to the White House for a beer.

Which just perpetuates the stereotype of Irishmen as brawling drunkards.

Which may be true, but it’s still offensive.

The only problem with the health care in America is that it costs too much.

The only problem with considering this to be a legitimate complaint is - name something that people DON’T want to pay less for.

I read this:

What does one get when they mix floppy ears, a distinguishable under-bite and a scrunched face?

And my first thought was “Nancy Pelosi”.

I apologize for my error. The correct answer is “The World’s Ugliest Dog”:

Pelosi has an overbite.

I hate it when people don’t put all the effort into a project that they should.

Like the busy-body, 1-ply panty-liners from CAIR and their all-too-sympathetic tamponic tools in the MSM, who complained that some “offensive” fireworks were being sold in Wisconsin. Specifically, a colorful spark-shower called Run Hadji Run:

OFFENSIVE PACKAGING:

OFFENSIVE NEWS STORY:

“An angry Uncle Sam is yanking the beard of what looks like a Muslim man”

That’s Osama, you simpering info-skank.

“People may get the idea to pop fireworks at Muslims”

I only pop fireworks at Muslims if they’re trying to light their own Reeboks and I don’t have my Glock handy.

But that’s not the bad part.

No, the REAL burr under the waistband of my tighty-whities is that the target of all this festering, self-righteous, limp-wristed, I-hate-it-when-people-have-funness also sells other racially insensitive explodo-goodies:

Mexican Jumping Beans:

and “Exploding Bin Laden Noggin“:

All I’m saying is that if you’re going to be a PC douchebag, then get offended by EVERYTHING. Don’t just pick & choose.

Godwin’s Law: “As a Usenet discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches 1″

There is a tradition in many newsgroups and other Internet discussion forums that once such a comparison is made, the thread is finished and whoever mentioned the Nazis has automatically “lost” whatever debate was in progress.

Obama’s Law: “As Obama’s presidency grows longer, the probability that the mainstream media will compare him to Jesus or God approaches 1″.

Assuming the same tradition applies, Newsweek just lost the debate:

[direct link]

EVAN THOMAS: Well, we were the good guys in 1984, it felt that way. It hasn’t felt that way in recent years. So Obama’s had, really, a different task We’re seen too often as the bad guys. And he – he has a very different job from – Reagan was all about America, and you talked about it. Obama is ‘we are above that now.’ We’re not just parochial, we’re not just chauvinistic, we’re not just provincial. We stand for something – I mean in a way Obama’s standing above the country, above – above the world, he’s sort of God. He’s-

MATTHEWS: Yeah.

THOMAS: He’s going to bring all different sides together.

[emphasis added]

Chuck Norris contains so much concentrated crime-fighting power that even his picture will make a Croatian bakery thief wet himself in terror.

[via From the Halls to the Shores]