Yippee kay yay, Obama Voter!

yippee-Kay-yayDid something last night I haven’t done in a long, long time. I watched a presidential debate.

Okay, they haven’t had one in four years, but still.

I really didn’t plan on watching. I made my mind up a long time ago on this one: I will vote for the person who isn’t named Barack Obama.

So, why did I watch the debate? Wife wanted to. So, we watched the debate. Or I did. She gave it up about 30 minutes in. She doesn’t like one-sided contests unless the winning side goes by the nickname “Crimson Tide,” so she figured out the final score and called it a night. I stuck it out.

Why? I was already into it, and my team was winning. It was nice to see. From what I can tell, though, the debate seemed to change a lot of people’s minds. That’s scary. That means someone old enough to vote has lived through the last four years of Obama in the White House and six years of Democrats controlling the Senate and still thought Obama, or any Democrat, might be a viable option. I don’t get it.

But, Romney did a good job. He showed how you can politely call the president a liar and not be called a racist. Romney is pretty good at this politics thing. Heck, even though he’s a Republican, he could get votes from people in Massachusetts. Maybe even enough to be governor there. I kid!

Was it just Romney, though? Did Obama contribute to his debate loss?

No.

Obama was weak, ineffectual, and apologetic, getting all kind of numbers wrong and stuttering himself into a corner. In other words, he was Obama. That’s what his presidency has been like, and what the debate was like. So, I don’t think you can blame Obama for being Obama.

Even though I went in (and came away) with my mind made up, I did learn something. Obama gave me $3600. At least, he said he did. I still can’t find mine. Maybe Solyndra has it.

Speaking of Solyndra, I loved that line from Romney that went something like this: “You don’t pick the winners and the losers; you pick the losers.”

Obama took to blaming Bush. Essentially, he said “I inherited a dire situation. And made it worse.” Though, I really don’t think that was his intent. To say it out loud, I mean. He’s done everything he wanted to do, he just doesn’t want us to know. But we do.

Oh, and after throwing his grandmother under the bus in the 2008 campaign, Obama dragged her back out and used her as an example of someone needing Medicare. I suppose since she’s dead, Medicare doesn’t need that $700-million he’s cutting from it, so it’s all good.

The debate wasn’t close. Frank J. will have some interesting things to say about it, I’m certain. I’m still waiting to see how the Obama campaign handles the fallout of the debate. Maybe he’ll say he inherited the debate from Bush. Romney ran circles around Obama, thwarting his every move. The only thing missing was Mitt saying “Yippee kay yay, m*****f*****.”

Okay, that’s a little crude. But I think I’ll follow Terry_Jim’s suggestion and tell all the Obama supporters I see “Yippee kay yay, Obama Voter.”

To tell the truth, I did feel a little sorry for Obama about one thing: the debate was on his 20th wedding anniversary. What terrible timing to suffer Electile Dysfunction.

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Reboot?

Reboots are all the rage.

There was the Star Trek movie. They’re planning more. Oh, and CBS has a new version of Hawaii Five-0, which has had two seasons so far with more to come. Former CBS show Dallas is a continuation, rather than a reboot. Sci-Fi (now Syfy) did a reboot of Battlestar Galactica

You get the point. The list goes on.

Well, words comes that they’re bringing back another TV show. A new version of The Brady Bunch is in the works. Like Dallas, it’s a continuation rather than a reboot.

Well, the new election season is upon us. What are we going up put on the schedule?

Democrats want a continuation: the same annoying characters and a lot of tired callbacks to the original series.

Republicans want to completely redo the story line. This time with the pasty RINO white guy winning, taking us on completely new adventures.

But that’s reality. That’s boring.

Harvey and I were talking about this, and here’s what we want to know: if you were directing this reboot, how would you do it?

Dark & gritty? Lots of Michael Bay explosions? Oodles of J.J.Abrams lens-flares?

Give us what you got. It’s time to rescue this franchise.

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Game over, man

It’s over.

Mitt Romney has wrapped it up. He won Florida yesterday, and that means there’s no chance for anyone else in the GOP race.

Newt Gingrich supporters? Hate to break it to you, but it’s time to pack it in.

Rick Santorum followers? The writing’s on the wall.

Ron Paul supporters? The nurse will be by shortly with your medications. And a fresh supply of tin foil.

The 2012 Republican primary season is done. There’s no way anyone can catch Mitt Romney. Just look:

Graph from The New York Times

See?

After the big win in Florida, Mitt Romney has 71 delegates. He only needs … let’s see, 1,144 to win, minus 71 already won, leaves 1,073 … Oh. My. Goodness. He only needs 1,073 more delegates to win.

Let’s look at the upcoming primary calendar, do the math, and see where things stand.

If Romney wins every delegate in every race, he would surpass the magic number of 1,144 as early as April 3.

What about Gingrich? If he were to somehow win every delegate in every state from here on out, he wouldn’t reach 1,144 until April 3.

Rick Santorum? Heck, if he won every delegate in every upcoming race, he wouldn’t hit 1,144 until April 3.

Ron Paul? Well, if he went on a winning streak and won every delegate in every primary and caucus, he wouldn’t pass 1,144 until April 3.

So, there you have it.

Romney can mathematically wrap this thing up in just over two months, on April 3, 2012. That’s a done deal.

Meanwhile, none of the the other three could lock it up until April 3, 2012. And that’s an impossible task.

Hey, don’t get angry with me. Numbers don’t lie.

Newscasters and party establishment will, but numbers won’t.

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Cartoon of the Day: Sit, Newt, Sit!

I thought this was funny.


[Direct link: Chuck Assay]

I used to work in Jacksonville. Them folks don’t like other folks coming to town to tell them to sit down and shut up. If the crowd is actually people from Jacksonville, I expect they’ll cheer, boo, or whatever, if they feel like it. If they are a bunch of transplants or college kids, they’ll follow meekly along.

Florida isn’t a southern state, except by accident of geography. Jacksonville, though, is a southern city. Or it was last time I was there.

So, are you going to watch the debate tonight?

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Stop Romney? Unpossible!

We’ve been told by the media, so you know it’s true: Romney is unstoppable!

Have you seen the delegate count?

He already has 20 delegates, 7 of which are binding. And he’s only … let’s do the math real quick … 1,124 shy of securing the nomination. Unless the 13 non-binding delegates jump ship. Even then he’s still only 1,137 delegates shy of wrapping this whole thing up.

Rick Santorum, meanwhile, only has 12 non-binding delegates. That means he has to get all of 1,132 delegates and hope none of those 12 go elsewhere. Unpossible, I tell you!

Look at the numbers! 1,124 is less than 1,132. There’s no way Santorum can get such a large number in so short a period of time. And Romney? That small number he has to achieve and he’s got months to get that total. Unstoppable, I tell you!!

And don’t even get me started on how far Newt Gingrich or Rick Perry has to go. They’re both 20 delegates behind Romney.

Twenty!!1!!!!

But for the rest of the GOP field? Give it up. It’s over. Pack it in, fellas. There’s no way Romney can be stopped. He’s a juggernaut. Which is like an astronaut, but with jugs. Or maybe I’m thinking of something I saw on Mystery Science Theater 3000. Doesn’t matter. Romney can’t be stopped!

The Republican establishment is ready for you to come on board. The media is ready for you to come on board. They are ready to accept your support of Mitt Romney.


[Direct link]

Join them, won’t you?

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New Year’s Resolutions for 2012

For 2012, I have composed a list of resolutions for the new year. I have reviewed the list and removed the items that I really don’t mean, and left the ones that have the best chance of being kept. That might not be in the true spirit of resolutions, but at least it’s honest.

I hereby resolve to:

  • do a better job of helping out around the house
  • be respectful of liberals
  • not think everyone who voted for Obama is an idiot
  • not throw rocks at the neighbors’ dogs
  • not make fun of rednecks
  • not make fun of yankees
  • not think everyone who voted for Obama is a moron
  • be a role model for children
  • pay attention when my wife is talking
  • apologize when I’m wrong
  • compliment people more often
  • become a serious blogger
  • stop recycling old posts
  • not think everyone who voted for Obama is a dumbass
  • sprout wings and fly

Best wishes for a safe, prosperous, and happy 2012.

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Better than Obama

As the vote in Iowa approaches, the Republican candidates are turning up the heat on each other. Newt Gingrich had some not-so-nice words for Ron Paul, according the National Journal:

“I think Barack Obama is very destructive to the future of the United States. I think Ron Paul’s views are totally outside the mainstream of virtually every decent American,” Gingrich said Tuesday in a CNN interview with Wolf Blitzer.

Could he vote for Paul? “No.” If it came down to Paul vs. Obama? “You’d have a very hard choice at that point.”

Newt and Frank J. sound more and more alike:

So, if it were between Obama and Ron Paul, who would you vote for? I’m leaning Obama there; he’s a known entity and can at least be bullied into doing what’s right. Ron Paul would just stand back while nukes are launched at us and say, “We had this coming for abandoning the gold standard!”

Then there’s Mitt Romney, who seems to be every conservative’s last or next-to-last choice. He compared Newt Gingrich to the I Love Lucy “Chocolate Factory” sketch:

Appearing in Portsmouth, Romney noted a statement that Gingrich’s campaign director compared the former House speaker’s recent inability to qualify for the Virginia ballot as a setback comparable to Pearl Harbor from which the campaign would recover.

“I think he compared that to Pearl Harbor? I think it’s more like Lucille Ball at the chocolate factory,” Romney said in reference to the famous I Love Lucy skit in which the comedienne was overwhelmed by a rapid assembly line of candies. “You’ve got to get it organized.”

That was a good line. Let’s look at Lucy in the Chocolate Factory:


[Direct link]

That’s funny stuff. But, you know what? I still think Lucy and Ethel would do a better job than Obama and Biden.

Ricardo/Mertz 2012!

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Don’t vote for Newt!

Newt Gingrich is making some news because he told someone at a campaign event to vote for Obama. Really.

Okay, here’s what happened. At a Gingrich rally in Oskaloosa, Iowa, a gay Democrat Obama supporter got into a “cordial” one-on-one with Gingrich, that ended with Gingrich telling the questioner to support Obama:

Gingrich: “I think those for whom the only issue that really matters is the definition of marriage, I won’t get their support. I accept that as reality. On the other hand, for those to whom it’s not the central issue in their life, if they care about job creation, if they care about national security, if they care about a better future for the country at large, then I think I’ll get their support.”

Q: So what if it is the biggest issue?

Gingrich: Then I won’t get their support.

Q: How do we engage if you’re elected. Then what, what does that mean?

Gingrich: Well then you engage in every topic except that.

Q: Except it’s most important (some crosstalk).

Gingrich: Well, if that’s most important to you then you should be for Obama.

Q: I am, thank you

Now, personally, I’m fine with what Newt said. I’m not talking about my agreeing or disagreeing with his stance on gay marriage. I’m talking about his standing his ground and telling the gay Democrat Obama supporter the same thing he tells his own lesbian sister. That’s unusual for a politician to tell someone “go vote for the other guy.”

But, apparently, that’s not what a candidate is supposed to do. A candidate is supposed to pander to all the little piss-ants and ass-clowns that crash a campaign event and come up to him. The candidate is supposed to say whatever it takes to make them happy — even if the clown is going to vote for the other candidate anyway.

Newt Gingrich isn’t doing that. And I like that about him. But, of course, standing firm and not backing down for what you believe is a bad thing, to hear the media, Democrats (but I repeat myself), and most other Republicans and their supporters talk. Except Ron Paul supporters. They like that their candidate has been consistent for years. They don’t like it when Newt Gingrich is consistent. It shows how much he’s part of the establishment … though all of the Washington establishment has come out against Gingrich.

Wait. We’re looking for someone who the Washington establishment doesn’t like? Yet someone who knows how Washington politics works? And someone who can balance a budget? And someone who, when he makes a mistake, can admit it? Even big mistakes?

I better stop now. I’m finding that I’m liking Gingrich more and more. And I don’t think I’m supposed to.

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How to make the debates more fun!

There are seven Republican candidates left:

  • Michele Bachmann
  • Newt Gingrich
  • Jon Huntsman
  • Ron Paul
  • Rick Perry
  • Mitt Romney
  • Rick Santorum

Oh, wait. There are actually 15 left. We forgot about these:

  • Gary Johnson
  • Fred Karger
  • Andy Martin
  • Jimmy McMillan
  • Tom Miller
  • Buddy Roemer
  • Matt Snyder
  • Vern Wuensche

Why aren’t they getting in the debates? Because they have no shot?

Isn’t that what was said about Herman Cain, who was the frontrunner for a while?

Isn’t that what was said about Newt Gingrich, current frontrunner, when most of his campaign staff deserted him this past summer?

Isn’t that what Ron Paul supporters say about every other candidate?

Isn’t that what every other candidate’s supporters say about Ron Paul?

This is where Donald Trump screwed up. When most of the big names declined to show, he canceled. He should have invited the lesser-known candidates to show up. Who knows? We might be seeing Jimmy McMillan or Vern Muensche leading in Iowa.

We need to have a debate where all the candidates show up. That would be interesting. Imagine hearing this exchange:

Chris Wallace: Mr. McMillan, how would you handle the threat of a nuclear Iran?

Jimmy McMillan: The rent is too damn high! I say it again, the rent is too damn high!

Gary Johnson: Let me add, Chris, that the war on drugs has caused the rent to rise.

Buddy Roemer: The high rent favors the 1%.

Chris Wallace: Can I just go back to asking questions of Newt and Mitt? Please?

That would be fun. But perhaps I’m being unfair to Chris Wallace.

Plus, we could actually have Obama there in a dunking booth. Whenever there’s a question about Obama, the participant can either answer the question, or get a ball to throw at the plunger, trying to dunk Obama in a tank. With sharks. With frikkin’ laser beams.

We would be glad to sponsor such a debate, as long as someone else will pay for it, but still put our name on it. Here’s what we need: a venue, a moderator, and a panel.

So, what ideas have you to make the debates more fun?

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What I learned from not watching the debate

There was a Republican Debate or something in Iowa last night. I think it was on the cable.

I don’t have cable. I watch all my TV over the Internet. That’s how the cool kids do it, anyway.

Not having cable means no Fox News Channel. Sure, there’s a Website or something I can go to, but not having a channel already set up on the Roku makes it easy to decide to just skip the debate.

Besides, there’s always the Twitterz.

The Twitter feeds are always much more fun than watching a bunch of politicians stand around and make smart statements (Newt Gingrich & Mitt Romney) or stupid statements (RONPAUL!!!1!!). Besides, I’ve already picked out who I’m voting for: Not Obama.

Maybe I should go through the trouble of watching the debates. After all, one of those men will be the next president. Okay, I shouldn’t eliminate Michele Bachmann from that. Unless I want to be realistic. And I do. So, one of those men will be the next president.

Ron Paul (RONPAUL!!!1!!1!!) said something stupid. He also said some smart things. And, I’m sure, some of his idiot supporters will stop by here and tell me all about the smart things Ron Paul (RONPAUL!!!1!!11!) said, or why the stupid things Ron Paul (RONPAUL!!!1!!11!) said are really smart and I’m a corporate tool or something. Oh, and FEDERALRESERVE!!!1!!

Newt stepped in it early on, but got better, and by the end of the debate, was rolling along.

Romney said some good things early on, then said some stupid stuff, and had leveled off by the end of the debate.

Rick Perry showed a bit of a sense of humor, said some okay stuff and some not okay stuff.

Huntsman was there. Or Gary Johnson. One of them. I’m not sure which. I don’t think anyone else was sure, either.

Rick Santorum was there. I think he brought the bean dip.

I mentioned Michele Bachmann. She lit into Gingrich a few times. He didn’t unhinge his jaw and devour her, but thought about it.

The Fox News moderators asked some good questions at times, but were trying to prod the candidates into fighting each other for much of the time.

If you watched the debate, let me know if I didn’t sum it up accurately. Because, as I mentioned, I didn’t watch the debate. I didn’t have to. The accuracy of my summary shows that.

Now, does this mean the debates are useless? No, not at all. It’s a good way to get smart people and raving lunatics in the same room and watch the fun. Like a reality show.

I’m thinking if we can do this every week and ask Ron Paul a bunch of foreign policy questions, he’ll eventually get an Emmy for Outstanding Comedy. Maybe that will be a good consolation prize, and he’ll let one of the candidates with some smarts run for president.

Anyway, I didn’t go through the trouble of launching a browser on my TV setup and watching the debate. I have a large supply of Mystery Science Theater 3000 DVDs to go through, so I did something productive with my time.

Maybe I’ll watch the next debate.

Nah. I have Joel and the ‘Bots watching Manos. Told you I was one of the cool kids.

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