What happens in the Wells Fargo boardroom…

Any other business?

Mr. Chairman, I have one final item.

The chair recognizes Howard Atkins.

Dick, it’s no secret that we’re hurting…

You can say that again.

Damn, Bob, you’re someone to talk.

As I was saying, we’re hurting. A year ago, our stock was over $33 a share. And, less than 5 months ago, we were nearly $40 a share. We’re barely 1/3 of that today.

Well, you’re Chief Financial Officer, Howard. What are you suggesting?
Continue reading ‘What happens in the Wells Fargo boardroom…’ »

Send to Kindle

So, can my crack dealer make change?

Ran into a situation Monday.

It actually began Friday, when I received a $100 bill as part of a transaction.

The C-Note sat in my wallet all weekend. Then, Monday, I went to Hardee’s for lunch.

They don’t take $100 bills. Fifties either, as it turns out, though I didn’t have one those, so…

Anyway, there I was, with legal tender (for all debts, public and private), and I couldn’t spend it.

As it turned out, they take credit cards. So, I broke out my Visa card, and paid the bill.

But that $100 bill? Useless. At Hardee’s. McDonald’s, too. As well as Wendy’s. And all the other places a cheapskate like me eats lunch.

So, I can’t use it for food.

I’m wondering if I should accuse Hardee’s of being racist. I’m not sure why. It just seems the thing to do these days.

Send to Kindle

Solving the financial crisis

I know how to solve the financial crisis in this country.

Hire Rebecca Paul.

No, really.

Okay, for those of you who don’t know who Rebecca Paul is, she started up the Illinois Lottery. Then was hired away by Florida to start up the Florida Lottery. Then Georgia hired her away to start … you guessed it … the Georgia Lottery. Then Tennessee came calling, and hired her to start up the Tennessee Lottery.

She used to be a Republican, then her husband died, and she hooked up with a Democrat in the Tennessee state legislature. So I guess she’s a Democrat now.

Sort of like Theresa Heinz Kerry. Except Rebecca Paul actually did something.

Anyway, hire her away from Tennessee to start up the United States Lottery.

Run it like the lotteries she’s set up in Illinois, Florida, Georgia, and Tennessee. That means that half the money goes into the winner’s pot, 15% is used to run the lottery, and the other 35% goes to the treasury.

And lots of money will go into the lottery. Poor people put big bucks into the lottery all the time. So that’ll mean that Obama won’t need to raise taxes on the rich. Or on plumbers from Ohio.

And conservatives like me will get to watch poor people funding the government.

Sure, babies will go hungry, and crack dealers might find a crimp in their business, but that’s the price of success.

And the best part?

When some poor person wins and becomes a zillionaire, he’ll end up in a higher tax bracket and learn to hate Democrats.

There’ll be more rich Republicans (not rich White Republicans, but we’ve got enough of those already). And the poor Democrats will pay for it.

It’s a win-win situation.

Send to Kindle

Yakko’s Bailout

And now, Yakko Warner explains the bailout…
Continue reading ‘Yakko’s Bailout’ »

Send to Kindle