How we got into this mess

Signing_of_the_Constitution_of_the_United_StatesSo, just how did we get to where we are today? We have two major political parties that seem to exist for the sole purpose of staying in power. That’s not really anything new, but this year, things seem … different. The number and intensity of people dissatisfied by both the presumptive nominees of the two major parties is greater than I can remember ever happening before.

Now, not everyone is dissatisfied by those expected to get their party’s nomination. Otherwise, they wouldn’t get the nomination. But, many are unhappy. Heck, many are just plain pissed, at the nominees, at their supporters, at the parties, and at the process.

So, how did we get here?

Well, I think it all began in 1804. Let me give the background to that, what happened after, and how that caused what we have today.

The first thing to remember — or learn, if you never knew this — is that the selection of those in government today isn’t exactly how the Founding Fathers set it up. Things changed. The first big change was in 1804. More about that in a minute.

When the Founding Fathers were setting up our Constitution, there was a great disagreement on how to lay out the government. They broke the functions up into three main branches, which we still have today: the Legislative branch, the Executive branch, and the Judicial branch. Let’s start with the Legislative branch.
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Wow! Shutdown is worse than Sequester.

Wait. Sequester is still going on, right? So we have Sequester AND Shutdown? Arrgghh! How will we survive it?

Already, the moon broke loose from its orbit and is crashing into the sea sometime this afternoon. Plus, in case you missed it, the sun didn’t turn on this morning.

Also, iPhones aren’t working. Android phones, either. Only BlackBerry phones work during Shutdown. Who saw that coming?

Traffic lights are out. Buildings are collapsing. Breaking Bad won’t be airing. It’s pandemonium.

Worst of all, the Internetz are down, and you can’t even read this brilliant post.

What can we do?


You can’t call on the military to defend us as Shutdown roams the streets of America and destroys the pieces of our country that Sequester left standing.

We’re doomed, I tell ya. Doomed.

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GovernmentShutdownSo, the government is gonna shut down?



Here’s what I don’t understand, though, and I’m hoping some of the smart people around here can explain it to me.

The government doesn’t really shut down. Some of it keeps going. I think they say “essential services” stay running, but a lot of government employees will be sent home, according to news reports:

If Congress fails to fund the federal government by Oct. 1, the start of the new fiscal year, the government will go into partial shutdown. Some government functions – those deemed essential – will continue as usual, while others will be suspended. If a shutdown proceeds the way it would have in 2011 (had the last funding impasse had not been resolved in time), 800,000 of 2.1 million federal employees would be furloughed.

And that’s what I don’t understand. Why is the government doing anything other than essential services in the first place? I mean, if it’s not essential, why is the government doing it?

That’s easy. Because people want you and me to pay for their stuff. It’s totally unreasonable to expect people who want things to actually go out and get a job and buy stuff, when they have the government spending other people’s money to give them things.

Now, the media is gonna play this whole thing as the mean ol’ Republicans — especially those influenced by the Evil Tea Party — not caring for women and babies and such.

But don’t blame the GOP. Or the TEA Party.

Blame me. I’d love to get credit for shutting down non-essential government services. So, if you’re one of those leeches that live off the government and you’re impacted by the shutdown of non-essential services, maybe you’re non-essential.

So go make yourself essential, grow up, and become a productive member of society.

Or be your normal self. As long as the non-essential services aren’t supplying non-essential people with non-essentials, I’m good with it.

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ObamaMathHarvey noticed that the national debt hasn’t changed for several months. He suggests that the Most Transparent Government Evah, run by the Smertest President Evah, has simply stopped doing math.

With all due respect, I suggest that Harvey is missing all the nuances of this Genius of Geniuses. It’s not an abandonment of math. It’s a whole new math. It’s the magical math that is ObamaMath.

Here’s how it works.

As Harvey noted, you take a total deficit of $16,699,396,000,000. Next, you increase that by $97,594,000,000. What is the new total deficit? I best you said $16,796,990,000,000. But, guess what? You’d be wrong. It’s $16,699,396,000,000.

How is that possible? ObamaMath!

That’s the same way you can have health insurance costs go up, but still be paying less. Sure, you bank account looks smaller, your take-home pay looks smaller. But that’s because you don’t apply ObamaMath.

A smaller bank balance is actually a raise in pay. And you can thank Obama for that. Well, Obama and his wonderful, magical ObamaMath.

Gas gone up to nearly twice what it was when Obama took office? Well, not really. It’s actually less. That’s because $1.869 ÷ 2 = $3.539. ObamaMath!

And, here’s a secret that many people don’t know: you too can use ObamaMath.

Walk into a grocery store, fill your shopping cart with food, give the clerk a dollar, and walk out. It’ll be okay. Just explain it’s ObamaMath.

Bank send you a credit card bill? Send them a corrected statement back, showing a $0 balance. Explain it’s ObamaMath.

There is no end to what you can accomplish with ObamaMath.

Try it!

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Leash law

Was doing laundry Sunday. Of course, that meant a trip to the laundromat, which meant … Laundromat People.

Now, I fully realize that I’m now one of the Laundromat People, but that just makes me more qualified than others to comment on them.

Let me set the stage. The TV is on De Pelicula, and it’s showing a movie featuring masked Mexican wrestlers, girls in short shorts, and double-south-of-the-border rejects from The Final Sacrifice — complete with hockey hair.

Then, there’s the the kid on a leash running around. Little girl, three years old maybe, that was there with two women (possibly a mother and grandmother, but not sure). This isn’t a debate about putting kids on a leash. I’ll let Erick Erickson deal with that. No, I want to use the kid to make a point.

Now, if you weren’t paying attention, let me say the key part of this again: there’s a kid on a leash running around.

Think about that. If she’s on a leash, how is she running around? No, she’s not dragging the leash behind her. There’s a hand firmly attached to the leash.

No, she’s not leading the mother around. She’s carrying her own leash.

And that’s the problem with the government. We know it needs a leash, but we let it carry its own leash. And, it runs wild.

So, what do we do about it? The government, I mean. Do we grab the leash and hope it doesn’t bite us? (Think: IRS.)

Do we try to cage it?

What do we do about it? ‘Cause I got the feeling it’s sizing us up for something a little more restrictive than a leash.

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Cartoon of the Day – Problem Solved

[Source: Michael Ramirez – GoComics]

I really don’t want to be one to pile on the Post Office. I know some people that work for the Post Office, and the ones I know are good people. And, at the Post Offices nearest where I work — the one in downtown Columbus and the one just across the river in Phenix City — the people there seem to be good folks. Of course, those have jobs where they deal with the public on a regular basis, so you’d think they’d be good at that kind of stuff. The ones I encounter are.

However, the people that I know well, that work the grunt positions behind the scenes, tell the story you’d expect. It’s a government bureaucracy that fails to reward good work and fails to punish bad work. Everybody gets a participation trophy.

Now, these aren’t people telling stories of how they, themselves, were passed over for promotion or recognition. Rather, they speak of others with whom they work that do great work, but are overlooked. They also speak of the stereotypical lazy government worker that others have to cover for, not to keep the other worker out of trouble, but so that Jane and John Public gets their mail.

I suppose they could let the job go undone, but they aren’t that kind of person. They care about their job, and care that the customer get the best service possible.

Only, it’s not always possible. Mail gets delivered late, workers work overtime, all because the system won’t get rid of sorry people. Add that to the typical government mindset that the job doesn’t matter as long as all the forms are filled out, and you have a very inefficient system.

I don’t think what we have is what Benjamin Franklin envisioned.

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More teat

You know what this country needs?

More folks depending on the government.

No, really. That’s the conclusion of … wait for it … the government.

The Washington Examiner reports that the government says not enough people are depending on the government:

“Given that only 15 percent of you turn to government assistance in tough times, we want to make sure you know about benefits that could help you,” announced today. The ”government made easy’ website has created a “help for difficult financial times” page for people to learn more about the programs.

Now, just maybe, what they’re saying is true. That is, 15% turn to government during “tough times.” So, what about the other 35%?

They were at the government teat all along.

Now you know why Obama’s approval rating will never get below 40%. You got at least 35% that believe in letting everybody else take care of them. Throw in in the fact that most of the news polls are weighted nearly +10 Democrats, plus the crazy statistic that over 95% of blacks like Obama despite the fact that black unemployment is way up under his term, and there’s no way that his poll numbers will drop very far.

And, if the government can get more sucking on its teat…


150 years ago, Democrats were using guns to keep people in physical chains. Today, they’re handing out your money to get people to voluntarily put on financial chains.

The tactics change. The objective doesn’t.

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America’s greatest threat

What’s the greatest threat facing America today?


Not the country, the bird. And not just the bird, but the dead bird.

The Department of Homeland Security tweeted on Monday how dangerous it can be to fry a turkey.

And, in case you thought that someone left their computer unlocked and somebody tweeted it as a joke, they also put up a blog post about it.

The Department of Homeland Security, that great arm of Big Brother, knows that Islamic terrorists aren’t so much of a threat. Sure, they want to kill us, but that’s our fault. Just ask Ron Paul.

After flirting with the idea that right wingers were a threat — not because of things they’ve done, but because there’s the possibility that some right-winger might do something… Left-wing violence was never an issue. Sure, they’ve been shooting Congresswomen and crashing planes into buildings and raping hippies, but that’s actual violence. The real threat has always been potential violence. Since the left has actual violence, and the right has potential violence, the right must be a bigger threat.

Until now.

As DHS has so kindly informed us, the real threat is dead turkeys. They’re evil. So evil, that after they’re dead and frozen, they’ll still try to burn down your house.

So, as we approach Thanksgiving, be thankful that we have a government department that wants to protect us from turkeys.

Now, if we can only find someone to protect us from the turkeys at DHS.

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Smelly candles, plastic flowers, and scratching posts

So, now the big news is that it looks like the government might shut down. Like that’s a bad thing.

All this time, those of us on the right have been complaining about the size of government. Now, it might shut down. And I say “Good!” It could use a good shutting down.

Only, the government really won’t shut down.

“National parks, national forests and the Smithsonian Institution would all be closed. The NIH Clinical Center will not take new patients, and no new clinical trials will start,” he added in a roll call of expected agency closings.

But the air traffic control system would stay up and running, the emergency management agency would still respond to natural disasters and border security would not be affected.

That means that the government will still operate to some degree, but non-essential personnel will be sent home:

…John Gage, president of the American Federation of Government Employees, the largest federal employee union… (said) “Employees are apparently going to be told to report to work Monday (then) they will be released, and those who are nonessential, nonexempt will be released and the other ones will be told to stay.”

What’s all this mean?

It means that those of us on the right were right all along. The government is full of people whose jobs aren’t necessary. And they don’t even know who they are.

There are too many non-essentials when the economy is good and the government isn’t running a deficit. It’s even worse during this Obama economy.

There’s word that some military might not get paid. Which means what? That the Obama administration considers them non-essential? That sounds like a bunch of stupid liberals. Gotta fund those abortion clinics, but not so much the American soldier.

The military is one of the essentials. But there are plenty of non-essentials in the government today.

Now, I don’t think that non-essentials are necessarily a bad thing. I’m sitting at a computer right now. Not the cheapest computer, either. I spent around $3,000 for this MacBook Pro. That’s a lot of money. And, I could have made do with a $400 Dell, I suppose.

And, looking around the room, I see a fish tank. We don’t eat the fish, so it’s non-essential. There are some trinkets on the coffee table and shelves. Some plastic flowers. A Rubik’s Cube (what’s that doing on the coffee table?). Candles. A scratching post for the cat.


In tough times, we wouldn’t have all them.

And that’s what the government is full of: non-essentials.

Lots of people who work for the government are trinkets and plastic flowers. Some are smelly candles.

The military is more like the doors, walls, shotguns, and such: they protect us and keep us safe. Not a whole lot of smelly candles and plastic flowers there.

For the U.S. to come out ahead on this, they need to send the non-essentials home. And leave them there. Let the non-essentials get a real job.

Oh, sure, there are lots of people out of work right now. Non-essentials.

I’m not saying they aren’t qualified. I’m saying their job wasn’t needed when they lost it.

I don’t mind so much when business hires non-essentials. They are in the business to make money. And, when they make money, they have more money to spend on the non-essential jobs. Which, after a while of being done exceptionally, gets more focus and becomes essential.

The government, not so much. The business world is hurting because it has to cut non-essentials while the government keeps the plastic flowers and scratching posts on the payroll.

The government should get rid of all those smelly candles and plastic flowers. Then, they wouldn’t spend so much money.

And you could have more smelly candles, plastic flowers, and scratching posts.

Personally, I don’t care about smelly candles, plastic flowers, and scratching posts. Wife likes them, though. And things are better when she’s happy.

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DHS and the Walmart

Drudge is reporting that DHS Secretary Janet Napolitano wants you to report on other people.

If George W. Bush had said this, the left would be all up in arms. But, since one of Obama’s incompetents made the suggestion, it’s okay with the left. But we on the right are getting our panties in a wad about it.

Should we?

Heck, I don’t know. Because Big Sis launched the campaign at … Walmart.

The “If You See Something, Say Something” campaign—originally implemented by New York City’s Metropolitan Transportation Authority and funded, in part, by $13 million from DHS’ Transit Security Grant Program—is a simple and effective program to engage the public and key frontline employees to identify and report indicators of terrorism, crime and other threats to the proper transportation and law enforcement authorities.

More than 230 Walmart stores nationwide launched the “If You See Something, Say Something” campaign today, with a total of 588 Walmart stores in 27 states joining in the coming weeks. A short video message, available here, will play at select checkout locations to remind shoppers to contact local law enforcement to report suspicious activity.

You see the problem I have with this, right?

Not that Big Sis wants us to report each other. It’s that they’re asking for suspicious activity at Walmart.

I wonder has she ever been to a Walmart? I was at one the other day, and saw Elvis:

Someone else saw him, too, but in California. On the same day, no less.

But, then, it is a Walmart. Where you can find people like this:

And this:

And this:

And this:

Okay, that’s enough. It’s more than enough. You can see more, if you like.

Anyway, what I’m wondering is, are we supposed to report suspicious people we see at Walmart? And, what’s the criteria for “suspicious” at Walmart? Looking normal?

If I was looking for suspicious people to report, I wouldn’t need to go to a Walmart to find some. There’s this person. And this one.

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lolgov – Part the last

Harvey will be back at IMAO soon. And, you’ll be able to read new lolbama and lolterizt posts when he returns.

While he’s vacationing, I’m offering a poor substitute: lolgov. Which is pretty much an excuse for me to post something lame.

But, on the upside, it did give you the chance to get some of the lol-stuff out of your system. And, as promised, here are the entries that were submitted.

From DamnCat:

From Larsinkima:

From Anniee451:

Returning soon: Harvey’s lolterizt and lolbama. If you have something for him, submit for either at

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Maybe Harvey will be inspired. Maybe.

lolcats inspired Harvey to start up lolterizt. And lolbama.

Maybe Harvey will start up lolgov or something.


Maybe not. Since lolbama probably covers this.

But, until he does another lolbama post (mid-December), if you have some to submit, send them to me at I’ll post them, or some of them, or all of them, next week. Or tomorrow. Or when I feel like it.

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Solving the TSA problem

Some people are getting all bent out of shape about the TSA naked scanners and the grope-downs.

But not everybody.

Gloria Allred says she enjoyed it.

Maybe we’re going about this whole thing wrong.

Maybe what we need to do is have some choices. More choices, anyway.

Right now, we have two choices: get your naked scan done, or get felt-up by someone who couldn’t get a real job. Men are getting groped by men, women are getting groped by women.

And that’s the problem. Not enough choices.

The TSA needs to offer a choice. Let each person who opts for a grope-down get to choose the groper:

  • Straight man
  • Straight woman
  • Gay man
  • Gay woman
  • Bisexual man
  • Bisexual woman
  • Hermaphrodite
  • Supermodel
  • Chippendales dancer
  • Bond girl
  • Bondage girl
  • Blind girl
  • Eddie Long
  • Eddie Haskell
  • Mr. Ed
  • Mr. Green Jeans
  • Mr. Mister
  • Miss America

Who would it take to grope you so that you wouldn’t mind it?

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Government doesn’t suck

You heard about the “Government Doesn’t Suck” rally, right?

Some people who work for the government are tired of being told they suck.

And they’re right: government doesn’t suck.

Say it with me: government doesn’t suck.

Other things that don’t suck?

  • Stubbing your toe in the middle of the night.
  • Hitting your funny bone.
  • California.
  • Massachusetts.
  • Being hit in the face with a frying pan.
  • Liberals.
  • Being hit in the nuts with a baseball bat.
  • Barack Obama.
  • Michelle Obama.
  • Microsoft Windows ME.
  • MS-DOS 4.
  • Democrats.
  • Right turns from the left lane.
  • Kos.
  • Spam/UCE.
  • Keith Olbermann.
  • Cats in the house.
  • Dogs in the house.
  • Phone calls during supper.

None of these things suck. They’re all awesome! And we should organize a rally to support all these awesome things.

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Whether or not Einstein said it, it’s true that doing the same thing over and over expecting different results is a definition of insanity. Keep that in mind…

So many problems are created by government. Not that government is a bad thing; it’s not. But out-of-control government is a very bad thing.

The bailouts — first begun when Bush was president, but under the direction of a Democrat Congress — were something I opposed when they were proposed.

The bank failure was caused by government. And the bailout was government getting more involved.

Think about this: if you put a bunch of monkeys in a room and let them run loose, and they caused damage to the walls and furniture, would you then give those same monkeys hammers, nails, and paint, asking them to fix things?

No, you’d remove the monkeys and deal with the consequences. It might be a rough time for a bit, what with all the mess the monkeys made, in addition to all the collateral damage that will result. But that’s what you’d do.

Of course, it was your fault for putting the monkeys in charge to start with.

In case you missed it, them monkeys? Democrats. Keep that in mind in November.

And keep in mind that insanity quote.

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