Viewing Michael Sam: the difference between the Right and the Left

Here’s how conservatives see Michael Sam:


Football player for the SEC East champs.

Now, here’s how liberals see Michael Sam:



And that is the difference between conservatives and liberals.

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Celebrity Memos


From: Alec Baldwin
To: Paula Deen
Re: Language

Paula! Love your stuff. Gotta say, though, you really stepped in it. That’s gotta hurt when things comes out that you never figured would see the light of day.

Let me offer you some unsolicited advice. Next time some little pissant gets under your skin, say something like “I’m gonna find you, you toxic little queen, and I’m gonna f*** … you … up.” And, for good measure, add “If put my foot up your f***ing a**, but I’m sure you’d dig it too much.”

See? You get the anger out of your system, and nobody says a peep! Well, nobody of any consequence.

Anyway, love your stuff.

Call me.


PS: What’s in your wallet?

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Not all women are women

Ed Schultz. Remember him? He’s still around, apparently.

He’s got a problem with women. Well, maybe not all women. But women with brains.

He’s all ticked off over Augusta National admitting women to their club. At least, the women they invited. He says they should have admitted Hillary Clinton or Michelle Obama. (Tip: Newsbusters)

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One of his “concerns” was that Augusta National admitted two rich women. Of course, everybody in Schultzland knows that Michelle Obama and Hillary Clinton, his picks, are dirt poor. Plus, neither of them had the advantage of growing up black near Birmingham, Alabama like Condoleezza Rice did.

Ignore the fact that it’s a private club. Oh, wait. Don’t. It is a private club. And they invite who they want. And, they wanted those two women. But, for Schultz and the left, that just won’t do.

See, in Schultzland, women don’t count unless they are liberal women. Right-wing women? Sluts.

If Ed Schultz wants to talk about stuff going on in Augusta, I have a couple of stories he could spend time on. There’s the Wal-mart toe-sucker. And, there’s the monkey party guy.

Those stories would be great for him. Tell the truth, now. Would you be shocked if, when his gig on TV finally, mercifully ends, Schultz winds up drunk with his pants down in a room full of monkeys, planning a night out sucking toes at Wal-mart? I didn’t think so.

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Liberal logic

You’d think after a while, I’d get used to liberals saying and doing stupid things. But, I really don’t get used to it. It still amazes me that people can be so stupid and still manage to walk upright.

It’s sort of like a Road Runner cartoon. Wile E. Coyote thinks he’s a “Super Genius” but comes up with some hair-brained plan that ends with him ordering rocket-powered roller skates and blowing himself up or splattering himself against a canyon wall.

You know he’s going to do it. You know his logic is flawed. But you enjoy watching him make an idiot of himself time after time.

Watching liberals is that way. Except, Wile E. Coyote was a creation of the hilariously twisted minds of Chuck Jones and Michael Maltese. Today’s liberals? Living cartoons, except there are too many of them running loose, with way too many holding elected office.

Still, there’s a little bit of that “watching the Coyote” thing that keeps me paying attention to what liberals say and do. Their logic is … Wile E. Coyote-style Super Genius.

For example:

  • Liberals think that early snow and cold weather is a sign of Global Warming ™.
  • Liberals believe that conservatives who support Herman Cain do so because conservatives hate blacks.
  • Liberals think that Americans shouldn’t own guns, but think it’s okay to run guns to Mexican drug lords.
  • Liberals believe that the TEA Party is bad because they could be violent, even though they’re not violent.
  • Liberals think that the Occupy groups are good, despite their violence.
  • Liberals believe that the solution to problems caused by government is more government.
  • Liberals think that killing an unborn baby is fine, but executing a convicted killer is bad.
  • Liberals believe in Affirmative Action, in which blacks are treated different than whites, because blacks have suffered in the past by being treated different than whites.
  • Liberals think you shouldn’t impose your morality on them, while imposing their immorality on you.

Despite the obvious fallacies in their logic, liberals get up every day, try to live according to these beliefs, fail miserably, and then do it all again.

Liberals. Super geniuses.

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Obama Smart

Sometimes, the things people do are so obviously nuts, even my cat recognizes it.

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I just don’t understand some people. Last week, actor George Clooney took the time during a news conference about his new movie to say some nice things about Barack Obama.

George Clooney: There’s a guy in office right now who is smarter than almost anybody you know, who has more compassion than almost anybody you know, and he’s having an almost impossible time governing.

That’s not the first time we’ve heard someone from the entertainment industry say nice things about Obama. Like how smart he is.

Joy Behar: But I think you have a point. He’s a little too smart for the country in a certain way…

You know what all that reminds me of?

CPL Allen Melvin: Raymond Shaw is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I’ve ever known in my life.

In the movie “The Manchurian Candidate,” those that were singing the praises of Raymond Shaw were brainwashed by communists.

That’s not the case with Hollywood. Those singing the praises of Barack Obama? They’re brainwashing themselves.

I just don’t understand some people.

I think my cat has a point.

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Replacing Ed Schultz

Thank you for coming in. Have a seat.

Danke, mein Herr!

Just sit down. Now, what was it you wanted to see me about, Hans?

Herr Griffin. I heard about the trouble that Eddie is in. I know he’s currently only on suspension … but everybody knows that an opening could occur.
Continue reading ‘Replacing Ed Schultz’ »

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Save a military hero

Don’t lose sight of the fact there are two Obamas in the White House.

There’s the man of the house. And there’s her husband, Barack.

Now, just in case you’re thinking I’m out of line by picking on the First Lady, keep in mind that Michelle (or, “M’Sel” in her native Klingon) isn’t running around planting trees or cutting the ribbon on department stores. She’s running around telling you what you can eat. It’s part of the Nanny State mentality of the left.

Anyway, she’s now got a new notch on her belt. And it’s a two-for-one: She’s winning her control of your dinner plate, and putting a military icon out of business.

Yes, there are fears that Cap’n Crunch will lose his job.

That bowl of wonderfulness that cuts the inside of your mouth to little pieces in the most delightfully painful way may soon be no more.

Think about that. Your children … or your children’s children … may not be able to enjoy a bowl of Cap’n Crunch. Not regular Cap’n Crunch (my favorite). Not Peanut Butter Crunch (poor Smedley). Not Crunch Berries.

Now, Quaker Oats is denying reports that the cereal is going away. But I gotta wonder. Is this simply the first step to erase our childhoods?

We must take action to ensure that Cap’n Crunch remains available for generations to come. Dentists, tooth fairies, and children’s happiness all depend on Cap’n Crunch remaining a daily part of a wholly-unbalanced breakfast.

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Jesus and the ants

Sounds like some band from Athens, doesn’t it: Jesus and the ants.

Maybe Seattle. Or Manchester.

Actually, it’s part of an exhibit that was at the National Portrait Gallery, which is part of the Smithsonian. I’ve been to the Gallery of Art, but never to the Portrait Gallery, so I can’t say if otherwise it’s worth a darn.

Anyway, they’ve had some exhibit going on there called “Hide/Seek: Difference and Desire in American Portraiture.” And that right there is the problem. Who says “portraiture” anyway? A bunch of snot-heads, that’s who. You hear somebody use “portraiture” in a sentence, hit them in the head with a stick. They’ll thank you for it. Or I will. Either way, you’ll be thanked.

But, about Jesus and the ants. One of the exhibits of portraiture is a video. Go figure. And, in the video, is an image of Jesus covered in ants. Only, now the Smithsonian has pulled the video. The guy in charge said “I regret that some reports about the exhibit have created an impression that the video is intentionally sacrilegious. In fact, the artist’s intention was to depict the suffering of an AIDS victim. It was not the museum’s intention to offend. We have removed the video.”

Which means it’s not his fault he had a video of Jesus covered in ants. It’s the fault of Fox News. Or blogs. Or Bush. Or someone else.

I think pulling the video was a mistake. I think they should have found some video of Mohammed covered in ants and included it. Somehow, I suspect that the problem would have been solved in short order, without any Christian having to say or do anything.

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I now pronounce you …

(Note: I promised I’d write a post from the suggestions made yesterday. This is actually inspired by that. Don’t ask how. You’d gain an insight to how my brain works … and you really don’t want to know. Really. I still plan to write something, but Wife just got out of the shower, wearing only a towel … around her head. Later, losers! – Basil)

Growing up in Georgia, I discovered that some words can be pronounced in different ways, depending on where you are.

For instance, “Jordan.” You may say JOR-dan. Some people, in west Georgia and east Alabama pronounce it “JURD-n.” Like that stadium where Auburn University plays football, Jordan-Hare. Or, Jimmy Carter’s Chief of Staff, Hamilton Jordan. Those are pronounced “JURD-n.”

Houston County, in central Georgia? It’s not “HYOOS-ton,” as you might think. It’s “HOWS-ton.” Really.

Buena Vista, in west Georgia? “BYOO-na VISS-ta.” Seriously.

Walthourville, in southeast Georgia? “WALT-OWER-VILLE,” like it’s three words: Walt, hour, ville.

The lesson I learned, as I mentioned, is that words aren’t always pronounced like you might think. Or like you’ve heard others pronounce.

In the public interest, I present a list of words that you may have been mispronouncing your whole life, along with the correct pronunciation.

  • Democrat (COMM-yoo-nist)
  • Republican (OWN-pro-BAY-shun)
  • Pelosi (ASS)
  • Reid (DUM-ass)
  • Obama (FAYL-yur)
  • Stimulus (BAD-i-DEE-uh)
  • Palin (AWW-sum, alternate pronunciation HOT)
  • NBC (DOOSH-bagz)
  • CBS (DOOSH-bagz)
  • CNN (DOOSH-bagz)
  • ABC (NYN-tee-per-SENT-DOOSH-bagz)
  • Fox News (TWIN-tee-per-SENT-DOOSH-bagz)
  • Liberal (KRAP-for-BRAYNZ)
  • Twitter (GAE)
  • Facebook (GAE)
  • Windows (per-PEH-chu-wul-BAY-tuh)

Perhaps you’ve run across other words that aren’t pronounced as one would expect?

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Violent Post-Election Riots!

Fair warning: Teabaggers are going to have violent riots on November 3rd. I think this might be Keith Olbermann’s special comment:

There is quite a lot of paranoia paranoia out there. One conservative out of a hundred million steps on someone’s head and suddenly death squads are coming. The mindset is starting to be, “I’m super duper sure conservatives are going to get violent so we better get violent first!”

Still, it’s easy to see why people don’t take violence that seriously from the left-wing. How disjointed is it for someone to both support the left-wing sissy “the government needs to care for me and tell me what to do!” policies and tell people to stock up on ammo? It’s really hard to see anything happening from the left beyond a few really isolated incidents. Just look at the left-wing bloggers who met with President Obama yesterday:

"One of us! One of us!"

It’s hard to imagine these people in a violent conflict… or anything that might involve light jogging for that matter.

So, what I’m saying is they’ll all be easy pickings when we riot on November 3rd.

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Now that we know the cause, we can fix it

They found out what causes people to be liberal. It’s in the genes.

According to scientists at UC San Diego and Harvard University, “ideology is affected not just by social factors, but also by a dopamine receptor gene called DRD4.”

The number of friends you have as a child also factors in, according to the study. Which means that if, while immature, you have influences from other immature people, you become a liberal. Which proves that liberalism is immaturity squared.

Now that they’ve found out what causes it, we can cure it.

I propose that we fund gene therapy projects that will get rid of that gene. Or those with it.

Sure, a bunch of pansies on the left might object to my saying that, so, let’s compromise. We’ll start by getting rid of those with the gene in a small sample.

What say we start with a national test group of 535. We can remove those in that sample group that have the gene, and we can do that on the first Tuesday in November. And, we can have smaller study groups at the state and local levels at the same time.

Let’s try that and see how it goes. If things get better, we can then expand it to the rest of the country.

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Frank Ideas for an MSNBC Slogan

MSNBC has a new slogan out: “Lean Forward”

People actually get paid to come up with stuff like that? How much? I know I could do better. Here are some ideas I have for an MSNBC slogan:


“News for Over the Hill Hippies Who Don’t Know How to Use the Internet”

“As Biased and Partisan as the Liberals Like to Imagine FOX News Is”

“News You Can Trust… Unless You Make Eye Contact with Keith Olbermann, Then It’s News Throwing a Tantrum”

“2nd Place in the Next Medium to Die After Newspapers Is Good Enough for Us”

“If You Wonder Why It Looks Like Chris Matthews Freezes On Air, Remember We Are a Microsoft Branded Product”

“More Tools than a Home Depot”

“Please Stop Making Jokes About Rachel Maddow’s Hair”

“For the Left: Serious News. For the Right: We’re Actually a Comical Parody of the Left; We Thought It Was Obvious”

“News for the Half-Dozen People Who Still Take Keith Olbermann Seriously”

“Bad Stuff ‘Bout Republicans”

“An Angrier, Whiter Alternative to FOX News”

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Harry Reid Shows Affection, Creepiness

So in praising Christine O’Donnell’s opponent, Chris Coons, Harry Reid said, “He’s my pet.” That guy just doesn’t know how to not be creepy. And here’s some other things he said in praise of Coons:


* “I want to keep him in a pit and make him put the lotion on the skin.”

* “Please make him Senator! I promise to walk him every day!”

* “I wish we could both die side-by-side in a fiery car wreck so we could always be together.”

* “I will hug him and squeeze him and name him George.”

* “Tee hee. It makes me giggle when he eats from my hand.”

* “When I gaze into his eyes, I finally understand why some people turn to murder-suicide.”

* “I wish I had a miniature version of him I could keep in my pocket at all times.”

* “I just want to lick his face! Don’t you want to lick his face?”

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Der Fuehrer’s Face

Conservatives think liberals are stupid. Because they are.

Liberals think conservatives are stupid. Because stupid liberals think stupid things.

There’s nothing — nothing! — that liberals and conservatives agree about.

Except Hitler.

We want our Hitler. And Constantin Film is taking our Hitler away.

I want Hitler parodies. Democratic Underground wants Hitler parodies.

Think about that.

There’s a socialist in the White House, the U.S. might shoot down Israeli jets if they attack Iran … but we agree that we want our Hitler?

Freakin’ Bizarro World.

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Rewarding losing

According to ABC’s Jake Tapper, a new name has appeared on the president’s short list of possible Supreme Court nominees: Leah Ward Sears.

Yes, the former Atlanta traffic court judge is on the short list.

Okay, sure, she also served as Superior Court judge, then state Supreme Court justice, and finally Chief Justice of Georgia.

But look at her career on the Supreme Court. Her major accomplishments include dissenting opinions on:

  • Club Southern Burlesque v. City of Carrollton (1995)
  • McIntyre v. State (1995)
  • Greene v. State (1996)
  • LaFontaine v. State (1998)
  • Lumpkin v. Johnson (1998)
  • Gibson v. Turpin (1999)
  • Wilson v. State(1999)
  • Howard v. State (2000)
  • Hill v. Head (2003)
  • O’Kelley v. Cox (2004)
  • Johnstone v. Thompson (2006)
  • Morrison v. State (2006)
  • Reaves v. State (2008)
  • State v. Davis (2008)

Keep in mind that “dissenting” means that she differed with the court. She was on the losing side.

What does this mean? Her legal rulings are wrong. Her judgment is poor.

But that’s right up the alley for Obama and his socialist supporters.

Being legally correct isn’t important in a Supreme Court justice. Blindly following a bad political philosophy is what they seek.

With that crew, being a loser isn’t a bad thing. It’s a thing to be honored.

Imagine if this same logic applied to the NFL. Who would have been in the most recent Super Bowl? St. Louis (1-15) vs Kansas City (4-12).

Who would have been in the World Series? Washington (55-103) vs Baltimore (60-98).

Loser gets rewarded. That’s the liberal way.

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