Ed Schultz. Remember him? He’s still around, apparently.
He’s got a problem with women. Well, maybe not all women. But women with brains.
He’s all ticked off over Augusta National admitting women to their club. At least, the women they invited. He says they should have admitted Hillary Clinton or Michelle Obama. (Tip: Newsbusters)
One of his “concerns” was that Augusta National admitted two rich women. Of course, everybody in Schultzland knows that Michelle Obama and Hillary Clinton, his picks, are dirt poor. Plus, neither of them had the advantage of growing up black near Birmingham, Alabama like Condoleezza Rice did.
Ignore the fact that it’s a private club. Oh, wait. Don’t. It is a private club. And they invite who they want. And, they wanted those two women. But, for Schultz and the left, that just won’t do.
See, in Schultzland, women don’t count unless they are liberal women. Right-wing women? Sluts.
If Ed Schultz wants to talk about stuff going on in Augusta, I have a couple of stories he could spend time on. There’s the Wal-mart toe-sucker. And, there’s the monkey party guy.
Those stories would be great for him. Tell the truth, now. Would you be shocked if, when his gig on TV finally, mercifully ends, Schultz winds up drunk with his pants down in a room full of monkeys, planning a night out sucking toes at Wal-mart? I didn’t think so.
You’d think after a while, I’d get used to liberals saying and doing stupid things. But, I really don’t get used to it. It still amazes me that people can be so stupid and still manage to walk upright.
It’s sort of like a Road Runner cartoon. Wile E. Coyote thinks he’s a “Super Genius” but comes up with some hair-brained plan that ends with him ordering rocket-powered roller skates and blowing himself up or splattering himself against a canyon wall.
You know he’s going to do it. You know his logic is flawed. But you enjoy watching him make an idiot of himself time after time.
Watching liberals is that way. Except, Wile E. Coyote was a creation of the hilariously twisted minds of Chuck Jones and Michael Maltese. Today’s liberals? Living cartoons, except there are too many of them running loose, with way too many holding elected office.
Still, there’s a little bit of that “watching the Coyote” thing that keeps me paying attention to what liberals say and do. Their logic is … Wile E. Coyote-style Super Genius.
For example:
Liberals think that early snow and cold weather is a sign of Global Warming ™.
Liberals believe that conservatives who support Herman Cain do so because conservatives hate blacks.
Liberals think that Americans shouldn’t own guns, but think it’s okay to run guns to Mexican drug lords.
Liberals believe that the TEA Party is bad because they could be violent, even though they’re not violent.
Liberals think that the Occupy groups are good, despite their violence.
Liberals believe that the solution to problems caused by government is more government.
Liberals think that killing an unborn baby is fine, but executing a convicted killer is bad.
Liberals believe in Affirmative Action, in which blacks are treated different than whites, because blacks have suffered in the past by being treated different than whites.
Liberals think you shouldn’t impose your morality on them, while imposing their immorality on you.
Despite the obvious fallacies in their logic, liberals get up every day, try to live according to these beliefs, fail miserably, and then do it all again.
I just don’t understand some people. Last week, actor George Clooney took the time during a news conference about his new movie to say some nice things about Barack Obama.
George Clooney: There’s a guy in office right now who is smarter than almost anybody you know, who has more compassion than almost anybody you know, and he’s having an almost impossible time governing.
That’s not the first time we’ve heard someone from the entertainment industry say nice things about Obama. Like how smart he is.
Joy Behar: But I think you have a point. He’s a little too smart for the country in a certain way…
You know what all that reminds me of?
CPL Allen Melvin: Raymond Shaw is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I’ve ever known in my life.
In the movie “The Manchurian Candidate,” those that were singing the praises of Raymond Shaw were brainwashed by communists.
That’s not the case with Hollywood. Those singing the praises of Barack Obama? They’re brainwashing themselves.
Just sit down. Now, what was it you wanted to see me about, Hans?
Herr Griffin. I heard about the trouble that Eddie is in. I know he’s currently only on suspension … but everybody knows that an opening could occur. (more…)
Don’t lose sight of the fact there are two Obamas in the White House.
There’s the man of the house. And there’s her husband, Barack.
Now, just in case you’re thinking I’m out of line by picking on the First Lady, keep in mind that Michelle (or, “M’Sel” in her native Klingon) isn’t running around planting trees or cutting the ribbon on department stores. She’s running around telling you what you can eat. It’s part of the Nanny State mentality of the left.
Anyway, she’s now got a new notch on her belt. And it’s a two-for-one: She’s winning her control of your dinner plate, and putting a military icon out of business.
That bowl of wonderfulness that cuts the inside of your mouth to little pieces in the most delightfully painful way may soon be no more.
Think about that. Your children … or your children’s children … may not be able to enjoy a bowl of Cap’n Crunch. Not regular Cap’n Crunch (my favorite). Not Peanut Butter Crunch (poor Smedley). Not Crunch Berries.
Now, Quaker Oats is denying reports that the cereal is going away. But I gotta wonder. Is this simply the first step to erase our childhoods?
We must take action to ensure that Cap’n Crunch remains available for generations to come. Dentists, tooth fairies, and children’s happiness all depend on Cap’n Crunch remaining a daily part of a wholly-unbalanced breakfast.
Sounds like some band from Athens, doesn’t it: Jesus and the ants.
Maybe Seattle. Or Manchester.
Actually, it’s part of an exhibit that was at the National Portrait Gallery, which is part of the Smithsonian. I’ve been to the Gallery of Art, but never to the Portrait Gallery, so I can’t say if otherwise it’s worth a darn.
Anyway, they’ve had some exhibit going on there called “Hide/Seek: Difference and Desire in American Portraiture.” And that right there is the problem. Who says “portraiture” anyway? A bunch of snot-heads, that’s who. You hear somebody use “portraiture” in a sentence, hit them in the head with a stick. They’ll thank you for it. Or I will. Either way, you’ll be thanked.
But, about Jesus and the ants. One of the exhibits of portraiture is a video. Go figure. And, in the video, is an image of Jesus covered in ants. Only, now the Smithsonian has pulled the video. The guy in charge said “I regret that some reports about the exhibit have created an impression that the video is intentionally sacrilegious. In fact, the artist’s intention was to depict the suffering of an AIDS victim. It was not the museum’s intention to offend. We have removed the video.”
Which means it’s not his fault he had a video of Jesus covered in ants. It’s the fault of Fox News. Or blogs. Or Bush. Or someone else.
I think pulling the video was a mistake. I think they should have found some video of Mohammed covered in ants and included it. Somehow, I suspect that the problem would have been solved in short order, without any Christian having to say or do anything.
(Note: I promised I’d write a post from the suggestions made yesterday. This is actually inspired by that. Don’t ask how. You’d gain an insight to how my brain works … and you really don’t want to know. Really. I still plan to write something, but Wife just got out of the shower, wearing only a towel … around her head. Later, losers! – Basil)
Growing up in Georgia, I discovered that some words can be pronounced in different ways, depending on where you are.
For instance, “Jordan.” You may say JOR-dan. Some people, in west Georgia and east Alabama pronounce it “JURD-n.” Like that stadium where Auburn University plays football, Jordan-Hare. Or, Jimmy Carter’s Chief of Staff, Hamilton Jordan. Those are pronounced “JURD-n.”
Houston County, in central Georgia? It’s not “HYOOS-ton,” as you might think. It’s “HOWS-ton.” Really.
Buena Vista, in west Georgia? “BYOO-na VISS-ta.” Seriously.
Walthourville, in southeast Georgia? “WALT-OWER-VILLE,” like it’s three words: Walt, hour, ville.
The lesson I learned, as I mentioned, is that words aren’t always pronounced like you might think. Or like you’ve heard others pronounce.
In the public interest, I present a list of words that you may have been mispronouncing your whole life, along with the correct pronunciation.
Democrat (COMM-yoo-nist)
Republican (OWN-pro-BAY-shun)
Pelosi (ASS)
Reid (DUM-ass)
Obama (FAYL-yur)
Stimulus (BAD-i-DEE-uh)
Palin (AWW-sum, alternate pronunciation HOT)
NBC (DOOSH-bagz)
CBS (DOOSH-bagz)
CNN (DOOSH-bagz)
ABC (NYN-tee-per-SENT-DOOSH-bagz)
Fox News (TWIN-tee-per-SENT-DOOSH-bagz)
Liberal (KRAP-for-BRAYNZ)
Twitter (GAE)
Facebook (GAE)
Windows (per-PEH-chu-wul-BAY-tuh)
Perhaps you’ve run across other words that aren’t pronounced as one would expect?
Fair warning: Teabaggers are going to have violent riots on November 3rd. I think this might be Keith Olbermann’s special comment:
There is quite a lot of paranoia paranoia out there. One conservative out of a hundred million steps on someone’s head and suddenly death squads are coming. The mindset is starting to be, “I’m super duper sure conservatives are going to get violent so we better get violent first!”
Still, it’s easy to see why people don’t take violence that seriously from the left-wing. How disjointed is it for someone to both support the left-wing sissy “the government needs to care for me and tell me what to do!” policies and tell people to stock up on ammo? It’s really hard to see anything happening from the left beyond a few really isolated incidents. Just look at the left-wing bloggers who met with President Obama yesterday:
"One of us! One of us!"
It’s hard to imagine these people in a violent conflict… or anything that might involve light jogging for that matter.
So, what I’m saying is they’ll all be easy pickings when we riot on November 3rd.
They found out what causes people to be liberal. It’s in the genes.
According to scientists at UC San Diego and Harvard University, “ideology is affected not just by social factors, but also by a dopamine receptor gene called DRD4.”
The number of friends you have as a child also factors in, according to the study. Which means that if, while immature, you have influences from other immature people, you become a liberal. Which proves that liberalism is immaturity squared.
Now that they’ve found out what causes it, we can cure it.
I propose that we fund gene therapy projects that will get rid of that gene. Or those with it.
Sure, a bunch of pansies on the left might object to my saying that, so, let’s compromise. We’ll start by getting rid of those with the gene in a small sample.
What say we start with a national test group of 535. We can remove those in that sample group that have the gene, and we can do that on the first Tuesday in November. And, we can have smaller study groups at the state and local levels at the same time.
Let’s try that and see how it goes. If things get better, we can then expand it to the rest of the country.
So in praising Christine O’Donnell’s opponent, Chris Coons, Harry Reid said, “He’s my pet.” That guy just doesn’t know how to not be creepy. And here’s some other things he said in praise of Coons:
OTHER THINGS HARRY REID SAID IN PRAISE OF COONS
* “I want to keep him in a pit and make him put the lotion on the skin.”
* “Please make him Senator! I promise to walk him every day!”
* “I wish we could both die side-by-side in a fiery car wreck so we could always be together.”
* “I will hug him and squeeze him and name him George.”
* “Tee hee. It makes me giggle when he eats from my hand.”
* “When I gaze into his eyes, I finally understand why some people turn to murder-suicide.”
* “I wish I had a miniature version of him I could keep in my pocket at all times.”
* “I just want to lick his face! Don’t you want to lick his face?”
Rep. Andre Carson, D-Ind., said that as he left the Cannon House Office Building with Rep. John Lewis, D-Ga., a leader of the 1960s civil rights movement, some among the crowd chanted “the N-word, the N-word, 15 times.” Both Carson and Lewis are black. Lewis spokeswoman Brenda Jones also said the incident occurred.
“It was like going into the time machine with John Lewis,” Carson said.
Rep. Andre Carson, D-Ind., told a reporter that as he left the Cannon House Office Building with Rep. John Lewis, D-Ga., a leader of the civil rights era, some among the crowd chanted “the N-word, the N-word, 15 times.” Both Carson and Lewis are black, and Lewis spokeswoman Brenda Jones also said that it occurred.
“It was like going into the time machine with John Lewis,” said Carson, a large former police officer who said he wasn’t frightened but worried about the 70-year-old Lewis, who is twice his age. “He said it reminded him of another time.”
African-American Congressman John Lewis (D-GA), a protege of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., who helped organize the March on Washington, went to the House floor today to tell Majority Whip Jim Clyburn (D-SC) that a Tea Party protester called him a “n—–.”
And while most of the invective was directed at the health care bill itself, several House members said there was an ugly tone to comments made by some demonstrators against three black lawmakers: Representatives André Carson of Indiana, Emanuel Cleaver II of Missouri and John Lewis of Georgia, all Democrats.
An aide to Mr. Lewis, a leader of the civil rights movement in the 1960s, said that as he walked to the Capitol, Mr. Lewis was called racial slurs.
Protesters outside the Capitol hurled epithets at Reps. John Lewis (D-Ga.) and Andre Carson (D-Ind.) as they left the building after President Obama delivered an 11th-hour speech on behalf of the health care bill. Carson told reporters that protesters yelled “kill the bill,” then used a racial epithet to describe Carson and Lewis, who is a revered figure on both sides of the aisle.
They all tell the same story.
And that’s the thing: it’s just a story. It’s not true.
I’m waiting for the excuses as to why video of the event doesn’t match reports of the event.
Perhaps they suffer the same thing Maureen Dowd suffers. She heard “boy” when it wasn’t said. The Congressional Black Caucus seems to hear even worse things that aren’t said.
I suppose if someone won’t make you a victim, you have to make yourself one.
Update: Sarah In Italy sent word that there are two other videos, neither of which contain evidence of any racial slurs:
On ABC’s This Week, George Will used the words of Robert Reich to highlight the liberal mindset on healthcare … and everything else, for that matter (tip: Flopping Aces).
Will: You say they have huge profits. As you know, confiscate all the profits of all the health insurance companies, with those profits you could finance our healthcare for 48 hours. What you do for the next 363 days I don’t know. Second, you say there’s not enough competition? Fine, let them compete in a national market across state lines.
Reich: Yes, let them compete across state lines, fine. But not a race to the bottom. Set minimum federal standards because we’ve seen over and over again that the recipients of health insurance don’t know what they are buying very often. Until there are common standards, minimal standards, then people are going to be taken. And that is what’s happened over and over again.
Will: There you have the premise of this legislation and the core of today’s liberalism: the American people are such dopes they can’t be counted upon to buy their own insurance.
The University of Mississippi — Ole Miss — is going to have a new mascot. And, the students voted on whether or not the students should have a say in the mascot (tip: Paul Mitchell). Yes, they voted on whether to vote. Now, I’ll admit that I’ve attended meetings to schedule meetings, but I have never voted on voting. I need to think about that.
Anyway, Ole Miss has said goodbye to Colonel Rebel. Because he’s racist. I mean, look at him…
So, who should replace Colonel Rebel? The leading candidate is Admiral Ackbar. Yes, the character from Star Wars. Really.
But, George Lucas will never agree. So, what’s Ole Miss to do?
I have some ideas.
Burl Ives would be a good choice…
They’d replace the “From Dixie With Love” as the fight song with “Jimmy Crack Corn.”
Another idea would be Harland Sanders, a successful southern businessman…
They could even pass out fried chicken at the games. Fried chicken isn’t racist, is it?
If southern characters are eliminated — because of the reminder that Ole Miss is actually in Mississippi — there is a character from up north that might work. I’m thinking about Sam The Snowman from Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer…
They could sing “Holly Jolly Christmas” at games. Or “We’re A Couple Of Misfits.”
However, there is another possibility. What about an historical character that would be closely related to those that decided to get rid of Colonel Rebel to begin with. Who? Why, Leon Trotsky, of course…
Any of these would be suitable candidates for the job of mascot at Ole Miss. Unless you have another idea?
Anne Lamott, liberal author and activist, had an article in the L.A. Times yesterday that told about her getting a monkey caught in her hair. Really. (Tip: Ann Althouse)
I’m doing fairly well for a grandmother who had a monkey tangled up in her hair last month on a ghat in Varanasi at sunset. Back home again now, I can report that in the midst of the zap that is India, with its heartbreaking, gorgeous, hallucinatory, dazzling, kaleidoscopic, mind-blowing grandeur and loud reality — a place where having a monkey’s hand trapped in your dreadlocks is pretty par for the course — I came to three decisions about my own country.
Told you. She had a monkey caught in her hair.
Oh, her three decisions?
Keep her “humor and good nature”
Forgive John Edwards
Trust Obama
Okay, the first two could just as easily be accomplished by converting to Christianity. You don’t need a monkey for that. I’ve checked.
The third? Trusting Obama? Apparently you need a monkey for that.
I can’t say that, though, because I’m a conservative. It would be racist to use “monkey” and “Obama” in the same essay, much less the same sentence. However, if I was some dreadlock-wearing 50-something from San Francisco, I could get away with it.
But I’d have to worry about getting monkeys in my hair.
Our 39th president made the news again recently. Former president Jimmy Carter, already famous for having an unemployment rate almost as high as Barack Obama’s, blamed racism for opposition to Obama.
I’ve met Jimmy Carter. Sure, I’ve only met him twice, but that’s probably more than you’ve met him. I remember when he was governor of my state. I remember when he was president of my country — which many of you may not.
For what it’s worth, I do not think Jimmy Carter was lying.
Hold on there, conservatives. Hear me out…
I did not say Carter was right. I said he wasn’t lying. There’s a difference.
For instance, if Tweety Bird sees Sylvester and says “I tawt I taw a puddy tat,” he’d be wrong. Sylvester isn’t a “puddy” … he’s a “tom.” Tweety isn’t lying; he’s simply mistaken.
So, I don’t think Carter is lying. He’s projecting.
Politically, there’s not a lot of difference between Carter and Obama. Because they are so close on the issues, I believe Carter truly supports Obama’s initiatives.
And…
That means that if Carter opposed Obama, it could only be for one reason: racism.
So, he thinks that conservatives oppose Obama because of racism. Like some guy named Frank J. Fleming said, liberals can’t imagine any other reason for opposing Obama.
One other thing: Obama and Carter aren’t completely alike. Obama will stand in front of the United States Congress and lie to America about his health care plan. I really don’t think Carter is a liar, though. He’s simply wrong.
Being wrong doesn’t make someone bad. Tweety Bird, for instance, was mistaken about the type of “tat” that Sylverster was.
Of course, Tweety Bird is a cartoon. Jimmy Carter is merely cartoonish.
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