It’s no secret that I think Barack Obama is an idiot. And that I think that those that voted for Obama are idiots. But, during certain times of the year, I try to put that kind of stuff aside and do the whole “can’t we all play nice” kind of thing.

For example, Frank usually posts stuff about holidays here. Over at my little blog, I’ve posted proclamations by the current president regarding Thanksgiving (2009) and Veterans Day (2009, 2010).

Why not Veterans Day proclamation post? Simple. The current president didn’t issue any such proclamation this year. Check for yourself. Find one for Thanksgiving, too.

Oh, and find one for Christmas. Not just for this year, but for any of the three Christmases since he occupied the Oval Office. They don’t exist. The last Presidential Proclamation regarding Christmas came from President George W. Bush in 2008.

Now, you will find a proclamation on Hanukkah for this year. But you won’t find one for last year. I suppose after this year’s missteps regarding Israel, he did this, hoping to mend fences. But, Obama being Obama, he screwed it up. Though the proclamation got the dates right, the actual ceremony was 12 days off– and all jacked up.

He did issue a statement on Kwanzaa this year, as well as in 2010 and 2009. Maybe if Kwanzaa was more than 45 years old, he’d issue a proclamation. Till then, made-up holidays got to take what they can get, I suppose.

Anyway, about Obama. There’s no hope for this guy. And, if you are planning on voting for him in 2012, there’s no hope for you. And, if he wins, there’s no hope for any of us.

Do the Republicans have the power to control Obama?

Remember when Obama was planning that 17-day vacation in Hawaii? You know, he needed a break from screwing things up; that can be tiring if you do too much of it.

Well, last week, it was suddenly decided that he’d have to stay in town after all. This, right after GOP presidential hopeful Mitt Romney criticized the president for taking the vacation:

“I just think it’s time to have a president whose idea of being ‘hands on’ doesn’t mean getting a better grip on the golf club,” Romney told potential caucus voters in Iowa.

Then, last week, GOP candidate Rick Perry took aim at Obama by way of religion:

As President, I’ll end Obama’s war on religion. And I’ll fight against liberal attacks on our religious heritage.

What did Obama do this weekend? He went to church. First time since Easter.

Now, maybe he thought it was Christmas. His calendar does seem to be about 12 days off. Or, he reacted to Perry’s attack. Let’s go with the latter, because it fits with his reaction to Romney’s attack.

This means that Republicans can attack Obama about something, and he’ll then react to it.

If we have Gingrich say that the president doesn’t understand what it’s like to have to flip burgers or wash cars, will we see Obama behind the counter at a Hardee’s or working at the car wash?

If Michele Bachmann says the president doesn’t know what it’s like for families to shop for food on a budget, will we see Obama pushing a shopping cart at the Piggly Wiggly?

It’s possible.

So, what can we criticize Obama about and get him to do in response?

Criticize him for not understanding how hard it is to catch a Road Runner. Then, he’ll put on some ACME Rocket-Powered Tennis Shoes and go running through the desert.

Say he doesn’t understand the plight of bucket inspectors. Then, he’ll stick his head in a bucket.

Slam Obama for not understanding how hard things are for Irish Folk Dance performers. Then, he’ll dance a jig.

Bring up that people who ride shopping carts down hills are having a difficult time in this economy. And there’s only one way for him to understand what they’re going through.

Point out how doesn’t relate to 1950s motorcyclists from Milwaukee who visits Hollywood with his friends. Then, he’ll … no, never mind this one. Obama jumped the shark a long time ago.

Rosie O’Donnell, the wunder gehirn that says fire can’t melt steel, now suggests that Newt Gingrich read a history book.

I agree.

Gingrich is currently the frontrunner for the Republican nomination for president, and, given Obama’s current approval rating, could very well be our next president.

I’ve put together a list of history books Newt Gingrich should read — some history, some historical fiction, but all worthy of consideration.

The last thing we need is an uninformed person trying to play president. It happened before. Remember the 2008 election? We don’t want to go through that again.

The president is celebrating Hanukkah.

Not “planning to observe Hanukkah beginning December 20th” but IS. As in now.

None of this silly waiting until the Festival of Lights actually begins, but now. Because, it’s not like days … or the number of days or anything … really matter, right?

And, so as to not drag it all out, the president went ahead and lit all the candles. Because, well, you know, why not. It’s not like you need to light one a day or anything, right? It doesn’t, like, have any special meaning, right?

While the Festival of Lights doesn’t actually begin until December 20th this year, it does begin December 8th next year. So, maybe he’s so far ahead on his schedule to destroy everything that he thought the 2012 apocalypse was already upon us, and used the 2012 date to celebrate Hanukkah.

Or, maybe he thinks so far outside the box — like that book says — that he doesn’t let the calendar dictate when he does things.

Like observing Hanukkah 12 days early. And all at once, not over eight days.

And, looking at the calendar, we need to do Christmas at some more convenient time. This year, it’s on a Sunday. And, everybody knows that Sunday is for sleeping until noon, getting up, ordering a pizza and watching football. Christmas would just interfere with that. The kids will be getting up early, and messing up all that “sleep until noon” thing, which is totally unacceptable.

And, besides, some people go to church on Sunday, and we certainly don’t want religion to interfere with Christmas, do we? So, we can do Christmas on the 16th. It’s a Friday, the mid-month government checks will have arrived the day before so we can stop by the Dollar General and pick up some gifts. It’s perfect.

And New Year’s? It’s a Sunday, too! How did that happen? Both Christmas and New Years on a Sunday? Actually, that’s not bad. Getting all drunk and such the night before means sleeping in on New Year’s Day, so, yeah, that actually works. It needs to be a Sunday every year.

St. Patrick’s Day is a Thursday in 2012. That won’t fly. Need to move it to a weekend. The celebration in New York is big, of course, but New York can handle a million people partying with no problem. But, if you decide you want to party but not go to New York, the 2nd largest celebration, in Savannah, nearly triples that city’s population for the day. So, yeah, a weekend would help with that. I’m thinking March 12th would be good.

Easter and Mother’s Day are too close together in 2012, so let’s do Easter on April 1st. That way, when the kids go out to hunt for Easter Eggs, and they don’t find any because we didn’t hide any, we can yell “April Fools!”

July 4th? No, let’s move Independence Day to May 31st. We’re already doing stuff on Memorial Day, which is May 30th. So, celebrating Independence Day on the 31st makes it a two-day party.

Let’s do Labor Day up right. Find out when the NFL season starts and we can do Labor Day that Monday.

Anyway, you get the idea? Like Obama, we don’t need to be bound by a silly calendar. We’re beyond that.

The president is going on vacation.

Liberals must be glad to hear that. Destroying a country is hard work, and he needs to recharge.

I’m glad to hear it, because that means he won’t be actively destroying the country.

It’s nice when conservatives and liberals can come together to support the president when he does something.

But I’m thinking that 17 days isn’t enough time to let the country recover. Obama needs to go somewhere else when this upcoming vacation ends.

I’m thinking he could take a tour of all the golf courses in the country and leave regular folks alone.

Or, he could start a traveling basketball tour, like the Harlem Globetrotters.

Or, he could travel the country giving speaking tours. There are still people who want to hear him talk. But, to make it entertaining, don’t let him take his TelePrompTer. I might want to watch that. Or clips of it.

The point is, there are things Obama can do other than play president, since he does that so badly.

What ideas have you for what Obama can do for the next 413 days?

Did you miss the sale? Obama was on sale yesterday.

Why?

There are several possible reasons. One is: Barack Obama is racist.

After all, it was on Black Friday that they put a black man on sale. That’s gotta be racist, right?

There’s another reason: It’s a going-out-of-business sale.

That’s the one I’m banking on.

So, don’t worry. If you missed getting a discount on Barack Obama merchandise, you’ll get another chance. Come November, they’ll start marking down stuff to ridiculously low prices. Because, by January 20, 2013, everything must go.

Equal time for the Democrats? Sure, why not.

[Direct link]

See previous: Blazing Republicans

Joe Biden wants to raise your taxes so you won’t get raped.

[Direct link]
Excerpt:

In 2008, when Flint had 265 sworn officers on their police force, there were 35 murders and 91 rapes in this city. In 2010, when Flint had only 144 police officers, the murder rate climbed to 65 and rapes–just to pick two categories–climbed to 229. In 2011, you now only have 125 shields. God only knows what the numbers will be this year for Flint if we don’t rectify it. And God only knows what that number would have been had we not been able to get a little bit of help to you.

So, if you weren’t raped or murdered this year, thank Joe Biden and Barack Obama.

If you were raped or murdered, blamed the Republicans. In fact, the Republicans are tired of rapists and murders getting all the credit. They have formed a task force to climb into your windows, snatch your people up, and rape them.

How do you defend against it? You need to hide your kids, hide your wife, and hide your husbands because the Republicans will be raping everybody.

And they’re all racist. Especially that colored fellow. He’s the most racist of them all.

In case you weren’t aware, Barack Obama is teh awesomest person in the whole wide world. Just ask him. Or Nancy Pelosi.

The former Speaker of the House and current Minority Leader who represents Planet San Francisco, told The Weekly Standard that, without Obama’s 2009 Stimulus, we’d be in worse shape than we are now:

“Without the Recovery Act and accompanying federal interventions, whether from the Fed, or Cash for Clunkers, or other initiatives, the unemployment rate last year at the time of the election would have been fourteen and a half percent, not nine and a half percent,” said Minority Leader Pelosi.

You see? You see? The Stimulus was a good thing. Crazy Aunt Nancy said so.

I wonder why she stopped there, though. Because there must have been more that the Obama Stimulus did. Because Obama and the Democrats are so awesome you know.

We did some digging, and found out that, not only did the Obama Stimulus save 8.3 million imaginary jobs, it did a bunch of other things, too.

• It helped Steve Jobs invent the iPad.
• The stimulus kept the asteroid 99942 Apophis from striking the Earth.
• It killed Osama bin Laden.
• The stimulus won Super Bowl XLV.
• It blew up the Death Star.
• The stimulus is what gave the Old Spice Guy his job.
• That thing you thought you lost? The stimulus actually found it and put it there on the table for you.
• It kept the sun from burning out.
• Remember when Global Warming was going to melt all the ice caps by 2011? The stimulus stopped it.
• The stimulus saved Chuck Norris.
• It kept Windows 7 from sucking as bad as Windows Vista.
• The stimulus kept Pluto from leaving the solar system after scientists fired it.

There are so many wonderful things the stimulus has done, we need a new one every month.

Abner! Abner! They’re doing it again!

Who’s doing it, Gladys? What are they doing?

Those strange people in that house across the street.

I tell you, Abner, there’s something not right about them!
(more…)