Maybe I’m just a humorless jerk, but I didn’t find this funny:

#SarahPalinFilms “Iron Sky” nflx.it/11AZvLR twitter.com/netflix/status…
— Netflix US (@netflix) May 1, 2013

You see, the lefties had started a Twitter hashtag #SarahPalinFilms trashing the former governor and GOP vice presidential nominee. Netflix saw fit to join in the Sarah-bashing.

Then, when asked about it, lied. So that’s two strikes. But, the first is enough for me.

Now, had they done such a thing with Barack Obama also, then there’d be the chance that Netflix was ragging on both sides of the political spectrum. But, no. They only poke fun at the right. So, this right wing nutcase isn’t sharing any more of his money with Netflix. After all these years, I’ve canceled my Netflix account:

I’ll be able to find enough to watch without them. It’s a shame, though. I’ve been a customer a long time.

Too bad they don’t respect their customers. At least, their right-wing customers.

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Photo: AP

The Speaker of the House trusts Barack Obama.

Okay, I know what you’re thinking: “What’s the punchline?” Yeah, there’s not one. John Boehner says he “absolutely” trusts Barack Obama:

Boehner said “hope springs eternal” in regards to the possibility of a budget deal, and told (ABC News correspondent Martha) Raddatz that he has a “very good relationship” with President Obama and that he “absolutely” trusts him. He added that the president’s recent outreach — or so called “charm offensive” — intended to woo Republicans, is a “good thing.”

It’s nice to know that Boehner trusts Obama. I was worried that all the lies and tricks Obama had told and pulled over his life would make him untrustworthy. But Boehner can see right through that, and know that Obama can be trusted.

And that’s good news. Boehner will be able to work with the president to make good things happen. I believe he’ll work with Obama and deliver a good, workable plan for the future of the country. After all, Boehner delivers. Just think about how he managed to deliver his home state in the last election.

Now, don’t you feel better?

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As a gag gift — I think it was a gag gift — Hillary Clinton received a football helmet when she returned to her job at the State Department.

She also got a football jersey, but the helmet, I suppose, represented the fact that she fell and hit her head recently. With that helmet protecting her, at least she’ll stay conscious long enough to testify, I suppose.

Anyway, my first thought was of the character that Mike Meyers used to play on Saturday Night Live, Philip, the hyperactive, hypoglycemic kid (“I’m hyper hypo!”), who wore a helmet and a harness.

A helmet might not be a bad idea for members of the Obama administration. Of course, I’m thinking a leash might be better for the whole lot of them.

And a muzzle.

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© 2003 Warner Bros.

Remember the scene from “A Christmas Story,” after all the opening of the presents, where the Old Man and Ralphie’s Mom are sitting on the couch with Ralphie between them while Randy is passed out amid the trash next to the Frankenstein’s Monster mask with the zeppelin under his arm?

The Old Man asks Ralphie “Did you get everything you wanted?” Turns out Ralphie didn’t. After all, for the previous 1:19:47, Ralphie has been scheming to get an official Red Ryder carbine-action, two hundred shot Range Model air rifle. And there wasn’t one.

Only, the Old Man pointed out to Ralphie that there was one other thing behind the desk, which turned out to be that very gift.

Well, I didn’t get what I wanted for Christmas. We have the same old president. And no one has pointed out a brand new president boxed up behind the desk.

How about you? Did you get what you wanted? Or were you disappointed by not getting that one special thing?

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[Source: Michael Ramirez - GoComics]

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[Source: Michael Ramirez - GoComics]

Actually, I kinda thought something similar this myself, but Ramirez did a much better of job of making the point.

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You’ve heard that phrase — “the beatings will continue until morale improves” — in comics or on signs or in statements made by coworkers.

Well, you’re about to live it. Or, if you already are, others are, too.

Government regulations are the beatings on the economy. And when the government regulations cause the economy to falter, the government will simply issue more beatings, in the form of regulations.

Obamacare is one of the major problems. It’s causing business expenses to increase, and businesses are cutting where they can. That includes wages.

Some businesses are reorganizing internally and reclassifying some positions so that jobs that were salaried are now hourly. Businesses are also cutting back on hours for some employees; some cuts to simply reduce wages, others to exempt those employees from full-time status and the requirement to cover them under Obamacare. Those employees get to pay the Obamacare tax — they call it a fee or a penalty, but it only passed Constitutional muster because it’s actually a tax — so they are covered, as required by law.

When this impacts people, particularly people who voted for Obama, two things will happen.

1. Karma
2. More regulations

What will the new regulations do? Make it worse. And then more regulations. And more problems with the economy.

Now, everyone on the left will say how great the economy is because of all the number of people with jobs, even though more of those jobs will be part-time, and even though more and more will stop looking for work because it’s not worth it.

The numbers, because of the way they arrange them, will look good. Well, not all numbers. The numbers on people’s paychecks and in their bank accounts won’t look so good.

But rest assured, the government has a plan to deal with the economy: the beatings will continue until morale improves.

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When did we go from

“Give me liberty or give me death”

to

“Give me!”

I was too busy working to notice when this happened. Can somebody fill me in?

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Bush!
Bush, Bush bo Bush, banana fanna fo Bush
Fee fi mo Bush, Bush!

Come on everybody!
I say now let’s play a game
I betcha I can make a blame out of anybody’s name.
The first four years, I treat it like it was not there
But a lot of silly reasons and excuses will appear
And then I say “No I wasn’t to blame,” and banana fanna blame a foe
And then I say that name and I make it very plain
And a fee fie on a foe
And then I say the name again and now you know my game
And there isn’t any name that I can’t blame

Clinton!
Clinton, Clinton bo Clinton, banana fanna fo Clinton
Fee fi mo Clinton, Clinton!

But if the first two years are ever brought up,
I drop my voice and say the name like
Bush, he killed the economy,
Clinton, she let the Ambassador die,
Osama, I killed him with my bare hands.
The media ignores anything that is contrary.

Everybody do Bush!

Bush, Bush, bo Bush, banana fanna fo Bush
Fee fi mo Bush, Bush!

Pretty good, let’s do the rich!

Rich, rich, bo rich, banana fanna fo rich
Fee fi mo rich, rich!

Very good, let’s do Wall Street!

Wall Street, Wall Street, bo Wall Street, banana fanna fo Wall Street
Fee fi mo Wall Street, Wall Street!

A little trick with YouTube!

YouTube, YouTube, bo YouTube, banana fanna fo YouTube
Fee fi mo YouTube, YouTube!

The blame game…

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This late in the campaign, the endorsements are coming out. Recently, Mitt Romney picked up the endorsements of The Orlando Sentinel, The Columbus (Ohio) Dispatch, and The Tampa Tribune. The biggest news out of these is that the Orlando paper had endorsed Obama four years ago.

But, the president isn’t without his supporters. He’s picked up three endorsements, too. And these endorsements carry a lot of influence. Obama has the support of Hugo Chavez, Raul Castro, and Vladimir Putin.

We’re still waiting on the all-important Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and Kim Jong-un endorsements. Wonder who they’ll support?

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Remember all the talk about the NPVIC? You know, the National Popular Vote Interstate Compact?

Sure you do. A bunch of dumbass states have signed on to this thing.

Here’s what it does: in the states that sign on, whoever wins the popular vote nationally, wins all the electoral votes in the participating states, regardless of how that state voted.

The idea is to make the Electoral College meaningless.

Why are they doing this? They’re still all pissed off over the 2000 election. Gore seems to have won the popular vote, although Bush won the majority of electoral votes. And they’ve had their panties in a wad ever since.

The Compact has been signed on by eight states and DC. Here’s a list of those states and their electoral votes:

• California (55)
• Hawaii (4)
• Illinois (20)
• Maryland (10)
• Massachusetts (11)
• New Jersey (14)
• Vermont (3)
• Washington (12)
• District of Columbia (3)

What do you notice about those states? Yep. That’s right. They’re all “blue states.”

Oh, and the bill is currently pending in New York (29) and Pennsylvania (20).

Now, here’s where it gets kinda interesting.

According to the latest Gallup poll, Romney is leading by 7 points nationally. According to the Real Clear Politics average, Romney is leading by a point. Either way, Romney wins the popular vote.

Now, according to the Real Clear Politics electoral map, currently Romney has the lead in electoral votes (excluding toss-ups), and, under the current system, leads 206-201.

If toss-ups stay where they are, Obama has enough electoral votes to win the election under the current system, 294-244.

But — and here’s the fun part — if the states that are part of the Compact were to go ahead and follow it now, Romney wins in a landslide, 376-162:

Oh, and if the two states where the bill is pending were to play along anyway, Romney wins by a larger margin, 425-113.

Told you that was the fun part.

There’s a lesson to be learned from this: liberals don’t think things through.

They joined in on this idea after the 2000 election because they can’t imagine that their silly candidate could actually lose the election. They didn’t like the rules under which Bush won, so they want to change the rules.

But, they didn’t see this coming.

Oh, and there are lots of other problems with the NPVIC, not the least of which is that many states don’t even count absentee ballots if there aren’t enough to change the outcome within the state. For instance, Gore’s popular vote lead in 2000 would shrink if the absentees in New York state had been counted. They weren’t, since there weren’t enough to sway the election in the state. And, since many absentees were military, they’d have swung for Bush.

Remember that whole mess in 2000 where those idiot Florida counties were trying to figure out what a hole in a piece of paper looked like? Remember Minnesota in 2008 stretching into Summer 2009? Look for that all over.

But, Democrats, and liberals in particular, don’t think about stuff like that. It complicates their neat little imaginary lives.

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Clint Eastwood’s talk — it wasn’t a speech — at the Republican National Convention went over either great, horrible, or okay, depending on who you talk to.

More on the right than on the left liked it. But even Bill Maher liked it, kinda. Didn’t like what Eastwood said, but he liked Eastwood’s approach.

But, I wonder if this will start a trend.

An empty chair to represent Obama.

What other furniture, appliances, or household items might represent others in the Obama administration? How would you represent Joe Biden? Or Hillary Clinton? Or George Soros?

Looking for ideas. Best one gets … HIGH PRAISE!

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Hi, everyone. I want you to meet our nominee, Governor Mitt Romney!

Thank you! I’m proud that I’m going to be your nominee.

You’re no different than Obama!! Vote RONPAUL!!1!!!
(more…)

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It’s over.

Mitt Romney has wrapped it up. He won Florida yesterday, and that means there’s no chance for anyone else in the GOP race.

Newt Gingrich supporters? Hate to break it to you, but it’s time to pack it in.

Rick Santorum followers? The writing’s on the wall.

Ron Paul supporters? The nurse will be by shortly with your medications. And a fresh supply of tin foil.

The 2012 Republican primary season is done. There’s no way anyone can catch Mitt Romney. Just look:

Graph from The New York Times

See?

After the big win in Florida, Mitt Romney has 71 delegates. He only needs … let’s see, 1,144 to win, minus 71 already won, leaves 1,073 … Oh. My. Goodness. He only needs 1,073 more delegates to win.

Let’s look at the upcoming primary calendar, do the math, and see where things stand.

If Romney wins every delegate in every race, he would surpass the magic number of 1,144 as early as April 3.

What about Gingrich? If he were to somehow win every delegate in every state from here on out, he wouldn’t reach 1,144 until April 3.

Rick Santorum? Heck, if he won every delegate in every upcoming race, he wouldn’t hit 1,144 until April 3.

Ron Paul? Well, if he went on a winning streak and won every delegate in every primary and caucus, he wouldn’t pass 1,144 until April 3.

So, there you have it.

Romney can mathematically wrap this thing up in just over two months, on April 3, 2012. That’s a done deal.

Meanwhile, none of the the other three could lock it up until April 3, 2012. And that’s an impossible task.

Hey, don’t get angry with me. Numbers don’t lie.

Newscasters and party establishment will, but numbers won’t.

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As the vote in Iowa approaches, the Republican candidates are turning up the heat on each other. Newt Gingrich had some not-so-nice words for Ron Paul, according the National Journal:

“I think Barack Obama is very destructive to the future of the United States. I think Ron Paul’s views are totally outside the mainstream of virtually every decent American,” Gingrich said Tuesday in a CNN interview with Wolf Blitzer.

Could he vote for Paul? “No.” If it came down to Paul vs. Obama? “You’d have a very hard choice at that point.”

Newt and Frank J. sound more and more alike:

So, if it were between Obama and Ron Paul, who would you vote for? I’m leaning Obama there; he’s a known entity and can at least be bullied into doing what’s right. Ron Paul would just stand back while nukes are launched at us and say, “We had this coming for abandoning the gold standard!”

Then there’s Mitt Romney, who seems to be every conservative’s last or next-to-last choice. He compared Newt Gingrich to the I Love Lucy “Chocolate Factory” sketch:

Appearing in Portsmouth, Romney noted a statement that Gingrich’s campaign director compared the former House speaker’s recent inability to qualify for the Virginia ballot as a setback comparable to Pearl Harbor from which the campaign would recover.

“I think he compared that to Pearl Harbor? I think it’s more like Lucille Ball at the chocolate factory,” Romney said in reference to the famous I Love Lucy skit in which the comedienne was overwhelmed by a rapid assembly line of candies. “You’ve got to get it organized.”

That was a good line. Let’s look at Lucy in the Chocolate Factory:

[Direct link]

That’s funny stuff. But, you know what? I still think Lucy and Ethel would do a better job than Obama and Biden.

Ricardo/Mertz 2012!

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There was a Republican Debate or something in Iowa last night. I think it was on the cable.

I don’t have cable. I watch all my TV over the Internet. That’s how the cool kids do it, anyway.

Not having cable means no Fox News Channel. Sure, there’s a Website or something I can go to, but not having a channel already set up on the Roku makes it easy to decide to just skip the debate.

Besides, there’s always the Twitterz.

The Twitter feeds are always much more fun than watching a bunch of politicians stand around and make smart statements (Newt Gingrich & Mitt Romney) or stupid statements (RONPAUL!!!1!!). Besides, I’ve already picked out who I’m voting for: Not Obama.

Maybe I should go through the trouble of watching the debates. After all, one of those men will be the next president. Okay, I shouldn’t eliminate Michele Bachmann from that. Unless I want to be realistic. And I do. So, one of those men will be the next president.

Ron Paul (RONPAUL!!!1!!1!!) said something stupid. He also said some smart things. And, I’m sure, some of his idiot supporters will stop by here and tell me all about the smart things Ron Paul (RONPAUL!!!1!!11!) said, or why the stupid things Ron Paul (RONPAUL!!!1!!11!) said are really smart and I’m a corporate tool or something. Oh, and FEDERALRESERVE!!!1!!

Newt stepped in it early on, but got better, and by the end of the debate, was rolling along.

Romney said some good things early on, then said some stupid stuff, and had leveled off by the end of the debate.

Rick Perry showed a bit of a sense of humor, said some okay stuff and some not okay stuff.

Huntsman was there. Or Gary Johnson. One of them. I’m not sure which. I don’t think anyone else was sure, either.

Rick Santorum was there. I think he brought the bean dip.

I mentioned Michele Bachmann. She lit into Gingrich a few times. He didn’t unhinge his jaw and devour her, but thought about it.

The Fox News moderators asked some good questions at times, but were trying to prod the candidates into fighting each other for much of the time.

If you watched the debate, let me know if I didn’t sum it up accurately. Because, as I mentioned, I didn’t watch the debate. I didn’t have to. The accuracy of my summary shows that.

Now, does this mean the debates are useless? No, not at all. It’s a good way to get smart people and raving lunatics in the same room and watch the fun. Like a reality show.

I’m thinking if we can do this every week and ask Ron Paul a bunch of foreign policy questions, he’ll eventually get an Emmy for Outstanding Comedy. Maybe that will be a good consolation prize, and he’ll let one of the candidates with some smarts run for president.

Anyway, I didn’t go through the trouble of launching a browser on my TV setup and watching the debate. I have a large supply of Mystery Science Theater 3000 DVDs to go through, so I did something productive with my time.

Maybe I’ll watch the next debate.

Nah. I have Joel and the ‘Bots watching Manos. Told you I was one of the cool kids.

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The president is celebrating Hanukkah.

Not “planning to observe Hanukkah beginning December 20th” but IS. As in now.

None of this silly waiting until the Festival of Lights actually begins, but now. Because, it’s not like days … or the number of days or anything … really matter, right?

And, so as to not drag it all out, the president went ahead and lit all the candles. Because, well, you know, why not. It’s not like you need to light one a day or anything, right? It doesn’t, like, have any special meaning, right?

While the Festival of Lights doesn’t actually begin until December 20th this year, it does begin December 8th next year. So, maybe he’s so far ahead on his schedule to destroy everything that he thought the 2012 apocalypse was already upon us, and used the 2012 date to celebrate Hanukkah.

Or, maybe he thinks so far outside the box — like that book says — that he doesn’t let the calendar dictate when he does things.

Like observing Hanukkah 12 days early. And all at once, not over eight days.

And, looking at the calendar, we need to do Christmas at some more convenient time. This year, it’s on a Sunday. And, everybody knows that Sunday is for sleeping until noon, getting up, ordering a pizza and watching football. Christmas would just interfere with that. The kids will be getting up early, and messing up all that “sleep until noon” thing, which is totally unacceptable.

And, besides, some people go to church on Sunday, and we certainly don’t want religion to interfere with Christmas, do we? So, we can do Christmas on the 16th. It’s a Friday, the mid-month government checks will have arrived the day before so we can stop by the Dollar General and pick up some gifts. It’s perfect.

And New Year’s? It’s a Sunday, too! How did that happen? Both Christmas and New Years on a Sunday? Actually, that’s not bad. Getting all drunk and such the night before means sleeping in on New Year’s Day, so, yeah, that actually works. It needs to be a Sunday every year.

St. Patrick’s Day is a Thursday in 2012. That won’t fly. Need to move it to a weekend. The celebration in New York is big, of course, but New York can handle a million people partying with no problem. But, if you decide you want to party but not go to New York, the 2nd largest celebration, in Savannah, nearly triples that city’s population for the day. So, yeah, a weekend would help with that. I’m thinking March 12th would be good.

Easter and Mother’s Day are too close together in 2012, so let’s do Easter on April 1st. That way, when the kids go out to hunt for Easter Eggs, and they don’t find any because we didn’t hide any, we can yell “April Fools!”

July 4th? No, let’s move Independence Day to May 31st. We’re already doing stuff on Memorial Day, which is May 30th. So, celebrating Independence Day on the 31st makes it a two-day party.

Let’s do Labor Day up right. Find out when the NFL season starts and we can do Labor Day that Monday.

Anyway, you get the idea? Like Obama, we don’t need to be bound by a silly calendar. We’re beyond that.

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I don’t know if the mainstream media has covered it, but just in case you hadn’t heard, Herman Cain has dropped out of the race for president. Have the networks and newspapers picked up on that?

Anyway, I had thrown my support behind Cain some time back. I was at his campaign kickoff in Atlanta back in May. And, while I didn’t like the “bad boy” stuff that came up recently, politically, he was one of the candidates who was most like me politically.

Now, I have to find another candidate. And a new sticker for my car.

I think I have my new candidate picked out. But, I expect an onslaught of RONPAUL!!!1!!! supporters, telling me how AWESOEM!!!1! he is. Because that’s what they do.

Some of them sit in their parents’ basements — sort of like the Occupy crowd, except, some of the Paulnuts actually do have jobs, so, they’re a step above the Occupiers. Anyway, they’ll be trolling the internets, looking for Websites that mention the Good Doctor, and bombard it with comments.

They also look for Websites that talk about other things, and bombard them with comments, too. Like articles about buying baby cribs or sprucing up your Christmas tree. Seriously, you can find RONPAUL!!!1!!! comments all over the place and way off topic. Plus, they can’t spell worth a darn. And they capitalize all the wrong words.

They have dropped off recently, but with a bunch of aimless Herman Cain supporters out there, look for them to take up the task of proselytizing for the Church of Ron Paul.

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Did you miss the sale? Obama was on sale yesterday.

Why?

There are several possible reasons. One is: Barack Obama is racist.

After all, it was on Black Friday that they put a black man on sale. That’s gotta be racist, right?

There’s another reason: It’s a going-out-of-business sale.

That’s the one I’m banking on.

So, don’t worry. If you missed getting a discount on Barack Obama merchandise, you’ll get another chance. Come November, they’ll start marking down stuff to ridiculously low prices. Because, by January 20, 2013, everything must go.

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Equal time for the Democrats? Sure, why not.

[Direct link]

See previous: Blazing Republicans

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