Here’s a quiz:

Which one of these videos is a sketch from Saturday Night Live, and which is a video of a real-life event?

Video number one:

[Direct link]

Video number two:

[Direct link]

Could you tell?

Both are funny, but for different reasons.

One is an Academy Award-winning actor playing a dumbass who has no concept of numbers. The other is a United States president actually being a dumbass who has no concept of numbers, saying that insurance rates would go down 3-thousand percent under his plan.

Comedy writers could imagine the first. No one could imagine the second. Except it’s real. Sadly, sadly real.

But it does help explain why I’ve been saying that everyone who voted for Obama is a dumbass.

Presidents have their advisers. The current occupant of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue listens to David Axelrod.

I don’t see how he does it. Of course, I don’t see how anyone can listen to Barack Obama, either. And maybe that’s it. The two of them have been listening to the same nonsense for so long, it’s normal for them.

But, I found a way to make Axelrod tolerable…

[Direct link]

Audio source can be seen in context here.

Violence isn’t always the solution to a bully. Sometimes making them look like an ass works just fine…

[Direct link]
Tip: blonde sagacity]

This is an excellent example of the preferred way to treat the left.

“Have you pantsed a liberal today?”

Obama is a socialist.

You’re a liar!

Obama is a socialist.

You’re a racist!

Obama is a socialist.

You hate the poor.

Obama is a socialist.

You just hate Obama.

Obama is a socialist.

We have to help others.

Obama is a socialist.

Bush did some of the same stuff.

Obama is a socialist.

The Founding Fathers weren’t capitalists!

Obama is a socialist.

Socialism is good.

It’s been a rough several months for the president.

In November, 2009, Obama backed Jon Corzine in his re-election bid in New Jersey.

Jon Corzine, loser

Republican Christopher J. Christie won.

The same night, more bad news for the president.

In the Virginia governor’s race, Obama campaigned for Democrat Creigh Deeds.

Creigh Deeds, loser

Republican Robert F. McDonnell was elected.

Of course, the bad news didn’t stop with the end of 2009.

Obama campaigned for Massachusetts Attorney General Martha Coakley in the special election to fill a U.S. Senate seat.

Martha Coakley, loser

Of course, Scott Brown, the Republican, won.

Then, after traveling to Las Vegas to campaign for Harry Reid, the Senate Majority Leader lost 10 points in the latest poll.

Harry Reid, losing

It seems Obama can’t pick a winner.

Until this week. At the health care summit, Obama picked one…

[Direct link]

Finally! Obama wins! Hail to the chief!

Note: I posted this over at my little blog earlier. I didn’t expect it would get much of a reaction, so I didn’t cross-post it here.

Turns out that some liberals trolls have taken offense, and left some really nasty comments. But they left them on teh YouTube, because I don’t allow anonymous comments on my blog. I removed the comments on teh YouTube due to the language.

It appears I misunderestimated the impact of this post. However, if being on my little 4-visitor-a-day blog generated that much consternation from the left, imagine what it showing up here would do!

[Direct link]
[Full transcript]

Excerpt transcript:

What do you say to your members, when it does come to the House to vote on this, who are in real fear of losing their seats in November if they support you now?

PELOSI: Well first of all our members — every one of them — wants health care. I think everybody wants affordable health care for all Americans. They know that this will take courage. It took courage to pass Social Security. It took courage to pass Medicare. And many of the same forces that were at work decades ago are at work again against this bill.

But the American people need it, why are we here? We’re not here just to self perpetuate our service in Congress. We’re here to do the job for the American people. To get them results that gives them not only health security, but economic security, because the health issue is an economic issue for — for America’s families.

You know who else is told to have “courage” before they go and do something harmful to America?

These people:

I guess that’s something that everyone ready to commit suicide on behalf of others is told … even if it’s political suicide.

PJTV won’t let you embed their videos. Or, they won’t let me embed this one. Mean ole PJTV.

Oh, Scott Ott and Zo did this one. So, you know it is teh awesome!

[Click to view]
[Click to view in a new tab/window]

It started as a joke.

But then, many on the left are a joke. Which explains the lack of a sense of humor.

But there is a left-wing response to the Tea Party. It’s the Coffee Party (tip: OTB). Really. Okay, maybe they do have a sense of humor. Because I’m laughing.

And, they’ve already had their first meeting:

[Direct link]

I’m thinking that Kraft Foods wouldn’t let them use the name “Kool-Aid Drinkers.”

Yes, I know the history. Yes, it’s old. But it’s timeless. And more and more people are understanding why we conservatives feel like we do…

[Direct link]
Tip: Blue Star Chronicles

News outlets are playing up the CPAC straw poll that Ron Paul won.

Some are asking “What does this mean?” Others are saying “Here’s what this means.”

Being a conservative blogger — I’m a better at being a conservative than I am at being a blogger — it’s my duty to either ask what it means, or say what it means.

So, I’ll do neither.

Instead, I’ll tell you why Ron Paul is a nutcase: Because he’s nuts.

Oh, sure, he has some good ideas. There are many, many issues where he and I agree. And, where we disagree, it’s likely an issue where I’m more conservative than he.

But, there are areas where I agree with Barack Obama. Like sending more troops to Afghanistan. If the military says they need more troops, they should get more troops.

And, if we want to play to “I agree with …” game, it could done with just about anybody.

And, on lots of issues, Ron Paul is right.

But, he’s like that crazy uncle that fought in the big war. He was right about so many things, and has done a lot of good. But also walks down to the post office and pees on the plastic plants in the corner.

That’s Ron Paul. Here’s an old CNN video where he says he doesn’t accept the 9/11 commission findings, and says that our presence in the region contributed to the attacks.

[Direct link]

You know who else blames the U.S. presence for the 9/11 attacks? Osama bin Laden.

Yes, Ron Paul has some good ideas.

But he needs to shut up and go pee on the plants in the post office.

Reading about the battle between Montana and the ATF, an idea came to mind.

Let’s propose an amendment to the Constitution:

“The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the states, are reserved to the states respectively, or to the people.”

How many Democrats, RINOs, newscasters, liberal bloggers, Constitutional scholars, U.S. presidents, etc, would recognize it for what it is.

And how many would criticize it as dangerous? Or racist? Or something.

Here’s how the president treats various dignitaries:

“Your Highness is most kind to grant this audience.”

“Thank you for seeing me, Your Excellency.”

“I am honored to be in your presence, Mr. Premier.”

“Madame Mayor is most gracious to see me.”

“You can find your way out, right? And drop this in the trash for me, how ’bout it?”

I am so waiting on November 6, 2012.

Conservatives — okay, actually Republicans — are being painted as “The Party Of ‘No.’”

And, Republicans seem to want to respond to that charge.

Now, maybe it’s because I’m not a Republican (I’m not a member of any party — I am a conservative), but the tag doesn’t bother me.

Obama and his Congress have done lots of damage. And it needs to stop. So, I’m willing to embrace the “Party of ‘No’” moniker.

Look at it like this: You’re taking a trip. Someone else is driving. They’re doing a piss-poor job of driving. And they’re going in the wrong direction. At a high rate of speed.

What do you do?

Well, you don’t grab the steering wheel and suddenly turn it to the right. You stop the car. You remove the incompetent driver. You take the wheel (or get someone capable behind the wheel). Then you move in the right direction at the right speed.

That pretty much sums up what we need to do with the presidency and the Congress. Stop things. Put someone capable in charge. Then proceed.

We’re at the “stop” point of the strategy right now. So, yes, I’m all for stopping things. Stopping things cold.

And, until we have things stopped, and until we have the right people in charge, whatever Congress tries to do, I’m against it.

[Direct link]

Embrace your inner Groucho!

While I disagree with the president, I am still an American. And I have a duty to my country to help in any way I can.

One of the president’s biggest problems — as Obama sees it — is the prison at Guantanamo Bay (GTMO). And he is right about this: GTMO is a public relations issue for the U.S. Of course, he is one of the ones that made it a PR issue. But, the fact remains, it is an issue.

He wants to close GTMO, but he has no clue on what to do about the detainees there.

The president needs help.

And I’m here to help.

Putting our differences aside, I have the solution to the GTMO “problem.”

Let’s simply announce we’ve released everybody from GTMO — released them back in the countries where we found them. We don’t actually release anyone; just say we did.

It’s not like Obama is above telling a little White Lie. Or, in his case, a Half-White Lie. Since he’ll lie to the American people, he should have no problem lying to non-Americans, like the French, the Iranians, the Iraqi, the Canadians, the Germans, the MSNBC news anchors… We just tell them all that we have released the detainees, and we don’t know, or care, what happened to them after that.

The next thing to do is wait a week while they go all ga-ga over the “release” — then we announce that we’ve expanded the Air Force Flight Test Center (Detachment 3) research facility at Groom Lake (you might know it as “Groom Lake” or “Area 51″) and have converted the facility at GTMO to military research.

Again, that would be only a Half-White Lie, since we would be researching. Only we’d be researching terrorists. With water.

Groom Lake is very secure because of the nature of the testing that occurs there. You can’t just go there. Reporters can’t just go there. Don’t believe me? Try it.

And here’s the best part: tell Joe Biden that the research being done there is related to the aliens that crashed at Roswell. He can’t keep his mouth shut, so he’ll start that rumor. And the people that support Obama are the same kind of people that believe aliens crashed at Roswell, so it would fit their preconceived notions. Everything will take care of itself.

There you are, Mr. President. You have your solution to your GTMO “problem.”

• The facility continues functioning as-is
• The research and alien cover story explains why no one can go there to verify anything

Oh, and Mr. President? You’re welcome.

There have been news reports recently of letters to the editor in many newspapers all across the nation … signed by Ellie Light.

As it turns out, we have located Ellie Light. And there are many Ellie Lights. Here’s a transcript of our exclusive interview:

Thank you, Ellie, for taking the time to talk with us.

It’s my pleasure.

There have been charges that you are actually a front for members of the Obama administration. What do you say to that?

That’s ridiculous! I am a red-blooded American male, uh, woman, who loves his country and supports the greatest, smartest, bestest person ever elected to the presidency, Barack J. Obama.

You mean Barack Hussein Obama?

Racist!

Um, hmmm, ah. Well, Ellie, how do you explain that you’ve signed letters claiming to live in different cities across America?

I have no idea what you’re talking about. I live in Cleveland, and have always lived in Cleveland. I don’t know anything about anyone named Ellie Light in Philadelphia.

I didn’t say anything about Philadelphia.

Yes you did. But I didn’t write that.

Then who did?

I did.

Who are you?

I’m Ellie Light. I live in Philadelphia. Have my whole life. And I support Barack Obama. He’s so smart, sexy, and manly — and he’s such a great president!

So, there are two of you named Ellie Light?

More than two.

Who are you?

I’m Ellie Light. I live in Baltimore.

Just how many of you are there?

How many do you need?

Lots of drivers are bad drivers. Sure, I’ve made mistakes. I’ve taken my eyes off the road to look at a passenger or something beside the road that caught my eye, and have nearly run off the road in the process. So, yes, I make mistakes when driving. We all do.

But some people? They seem to have no clue what they’re doing. Like when they stop — completely stop — in the road because they have no clue what to do. The green light, or the “Right Lane Must Turn Right” sign don’t seem to provide any insight. Neither does the sign that says “US 80″ with a sign pointing left. These things are no help to some drivers. Those drivers are clueless.

And I’ve noticed one thing about many of these drivers: Obama bumper stickers. Oh, not all of them. But enough to know that when I see an Obama bumper sticker, I need to watch out. Particularly all these months after the election when they still have the bumper sticker “proudly” showing their support.

So, I wondered about this. What kind of person would still be proud of their support of Barack Obama? A dumbass, perhaps. And their driving habits — driving like a dumbass — supported this theory. So I began watching for Obama bumper stickers and bad drivers.

Now, to be fair, not every bad driver has an Obama bumper sticker. And not every Obama bumper sticker is on a car I’ve seen driving poorly. But there is enough of an overlap that I’m seeing a connection.

Oh, and there’s that one other thing: Obama supporters not only drive like hell, they’re driving the country there too.

We need to revoke their licenses.

Every so often, something happens that changes your focus. This weekend, at a wedding, one of the scripture passages made me realize that I haven’t been the nicest person in relating to others.

For instance, I have been way too hard on Barack Obama. And I need to correct that.

It’s true that I disagree with many, many, many things he does, says, and believes. However, is he all bad? He can’t be, can he? Of course not.

So I’m going to say some nice things about the president. True stuff.

• Yesterday, we had a farewell breakfast for someone at work. I love breakfast. Under Obama’s economy, we’ll have lots more of those!
• Barack Obama hasn’t bombed America. Even by accident.
• That special family member that you worry about? You can stop worrying. If Barack Obama can amount to something, anyone can.
• Barack Obama makes people feel better about themselves. Such as racists. Think about how justified they feel about their beliefs right now.
• The president has done wonders for international relations. Look how strong France seems compared the the U.S. since Obama took office.
• Obama is not just another typical Chicago politician. Al Capone would have been able to get the Olympics.
• The president is too incompetent to be effectively evil.

I’m sure there are many other good things about Barack Obama. I just can’t think of any.

I’m sure you know about the video of school children being taught a song that praises Barack Obama. It’s been reported by several news outlets.

So, what do authorities of B. Bernice Young Elementary School in Burlington, NJ, say? School superintendent says the problem was … that someone videotaped it:

Superintendent Christopher Manno said in a written statement Thursday that the taping itself was out of order, but failed to address whether the the lesson was approved. “The recording and distribution of the class activity were unauthorized,” he wrote in a note to parents and the media.

Read that again.

He doesn’t say anything about public school students — that’s a school funded by your tax dollars, both New Jersey state taxes as well as federal funds from the Department of Education — being taught to sing the praises of Dear Leader. No, the problem is that someone taped it.

You see, now there’s evidence of it.

Think about it.

If someone told you about this story, would you believe it? You might think it’s one of Harvey’s Fake News stories. You’d be saying, “Heh. That’s a good one, Harvey. It’s almost like something that would happen.”

Only, it happened.

They can’t deny it. Because it was videotaped. And is on the YouTube.

And that’s how the left is: “The problem isn’t what we did, it’s that you found out what we did.”

Maybe that’s the way to handle things. That’s how they are handling the ACORN scandal: officials looking into charges over videotaping of illegal ACORN activity instead of the illegal ACORN activity.

I wonder how far this attitude could go. Or how well it would have worked in the past…

• Ted Kennedy: The problem isn’t that Mary Jo Kopechne died, it’s that you found out about it.
• Richard Nixon: The problem isn’t that I tried to cover up my staff’s involvement with the break-in at the Watergate, it’s that you found out about it.
• Jeffrey Dahmer: The problem isn’t that I murdered 17 people and ate parts of some of them, it’s that you found out about it.
• That guy getting the ticket on the Interstate last week: The problem isn’t that I was traveling 25 miles an hour over the posted limit, it’s that you found out about it.
• The guy that spit in your food at the Waffle House: The problem isn’t that I spit in your food, it’s that you found out about it.

I wonder how many other ways this attitude could be used to excuse things?

Have you seen the video of the school children being taught to sing a song praising the leader of their country?

No, not in North Korea.

No, not in Mao’s China.

No, not in Saddam’s Iraq.

No, not in Hitler’s Germany.

But in the United States, in this day and time…

[YouTube link]

I wish this was a joke.

The good news? It is. If you voted for Obama. Because if you voted for Obama, the joke’s on you.

UPDATE: Fox News and CBS News are on the story. As, now, are overseas news outlets.

Our 39th president made the news again recently. Former president Jimmy Carter, already famous for having an unemployment rate almost as high as Barack Obama’s, blamed racism for opposition to Obama.

I’ve met Jimmy Carter. Sure, I’ve only met him twice, but that’s probably more than you’ve met him. I remember when he was governor of my state. I remember when he was president of my country — which many of you may not.

For what it’s worth, I do not think Jimmy Carter was lying.

Hold on there, conservatives. Hear me out…

I did not say Carter was right. I said he wasn’t lying. There’s a difference.

For instance, if Tweety Bird sees Sylvester and says “I tawt I taw a puddy tat,” he’d be wrong. Sylvester isn’t a “puddy” … he’s a “tom.” Tweety isn’t lying; he’s simply mistaken.

Tweety says “puddy tat” because that’s what he knows. And it’s the same with Jimmy Carter. He knows racism. His campaign used subtle racist tactics against former governor Carl Sanders in the 1970 gubernatorial race in Georgia.

So, I don’t think Carter is lying. He’s projecting.

Politically, there’s not a lot of difference between Carter and Obama. Because they are so close on the issues, I believe Carter truly supports Obama’s initiatives.

And…

That means that if Carter opposed Obama, it could only be for one reason: racism.

So, he thinks that conservatives oppose Obama because of racism. Like some guy named Frank J. Fleming said, liberals can’t imagine any other reason for opposing Obama.

One other thing: Obama and Carter aren’t completely alike. Obama will stand in front of the United States Congress and lie to America about his health care plan. I really don’t think Carter is a liar, though. He’s simply wrong.

Being wrong doesn’t make someone bad. Tweety Bird, for instance, was mistaken about the type of “tat” that Sylverster was.

Of course, Tweety Bird is a cartoon. Jimmy Carter is merely cartoonish.

The government has taken over the auto industry, banking, and is looking to take over health care.

But has the government done enough?

I don’t think they have. The government needs to do more. Just like there are people in this country who don’t have health care, there are people in this country who are going hungry.

Sure, there are food stamps. But there’s Medicare and Medicaid for health care assistance, but that’s not enough. Just like we need the government to take over health care, we need the government to take over the food industry.

We need to raise taxes to pay for a “public option” for restaurants.

My vision is for the Obama King restaurant to offer healthy choices for your dining experience. Like tofu. And salads. Lots and lots of salads. And no fried foods. Certainly no meat. A complete vegan menu, consisting of … plant parts.

But do call ahead to avoid the lines. It’ll take a year or two for McDonald’s, Hardee’s, Wendy’s, and all the little Mom and Pop restaurants to go out of business as people move to the public option. But, soon enough, the Obama King restaurants will be everywhere. Sure, you might have to wait a while, even if you call ahead. That is, after you are placed on hold for an hour or two, but your call will be answered in the order in which it was received.

Speaking of phones, it would be bad for you to have a cell phone when there are plenty of others who don’t have a cell phone. We need a public option. The government can provide cellular service. O-Mobile would be available to everyone.

But cell phones aren’t the only technology area where Americans have a gap. Not everyone has a computer. Sure, lots do, but many Americans don’t have a computer. And the government can help, by offering a public option. After a while, there will be no more PCs or Macs. No debate between Windows, OS X, or Linux. Most Americans will own government computers that run one OS: O-S (the Obama System).

However, having a government issued computer doesn’t mean as much if you don’t have Internet access. AT&T, Knology, MediaCom, and the other ISPs don’t get the job done. Many people don’t have Internet access. A government-run public option would solve that. ObamaNet would allow everyone to be on the Internet.

There are just a few of the many, many ways the government can solve your problems by taking control of your life.

I mean, if you were really competent to do things for yourself, you wouldn’t have elected Obama and the Democrats to power, would you?

A friend of mine passed this my way. I hadn’t seen it before. Now, it may be my age showing, but I remember when “The Candyman” was a new song.

Enjoy…

[Direct YouTube link]

THUNK

CLANK
Bring out your dead!

CLANK
Bring out your dead!

CLANK
Bring out your dead!

THUNK

CLANK
Bring out your dead!

Here’s one

I’m not dead

What?

Nothing. Where’s my $4,500?

He says he’s not dead.

Yes he is.

He isn’t.

Well, he will be soon.

I’m getting better.

No you’re not, you’ll be stone dead in a moment.

I can’t take him. It’s against regulations.

The program is C.O.R.P.S.E. That’s the Cadaver and Older Retired Person System for Exchange. It’s commonly called Cash for Cadavers, but I read the bill. You can take old retired people.

Look, I’m booked up. I’ve got to stop by the Robinsons. They lost nine waiting for the new government health care. Yes, I can take old people, but the already dead get priority.

When will you be back?

Thursday.

I can’t wait till then. Can you help me out.

CLUNK

Sign here

Thanks!

Bring out your dead!

Every time a group of crazies doesn’t like the president, or something the president does, they call for his impeachment.

This is true for as long as I can remember. Well, almost.

I don’t remember Eisenhower (president when I was born) or much about Kennedy. And I don’t recall any “Impeach Johnson” movement. But, there was an “Impeach Nixon” movement. It went so far as to go to committee in the House of Representatives.

Some crazies called for the impeachment of Gerald Ford, following the Nixon pardon, but it was just crazy talk. Some crazy talk about Carter (particularly following the botched Iran hostage rescue attempt). Then, the crazies kicked it up when Reagan took office. Same with Bush the Elder.

Of course, Clinton was impeached, but acquitted.

And how can we forget the Impeach Bush movement. There are still some wanting him impeached. Told you they were nuts.

Now, there’s an Impeach Obama movement. Google it; you’ll get 2,210,000 results. At Bing, not as many, but still 217,000 results.

Let me state right now, in case you somehow missed it over the last several months, I think that Barack Obama is an incompetent oaf. He’s not qualified to work the cash register at Hardee’s, much less occupy the Oval Office. But impeach him?

Consider what would happen.

On the upside, we’d be rid of him. That’s a pretty big upside.

The downside? Who’s next in line? That’s right, Joe Biden. For crying out loud, no rational person would want him in the White House.

So, could they both be removed from office at one time?

Look what happens then: the Speaker of the House assumes the presidency. That’s Nancy Pelosi! Again, no rational person would want that.

Who’s next? The President pro tempore of the Senate, Robert Byrd.

Okay, it’s a mass impeachment then. It removes the president, vice-president, Speaker of the House, and the President pro tempore of the Senate. Who assumes the presidency then? The Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton.

Next? Secretary of the Treasury, Timothy Geithner.

Then?

• Secretary of Defense: Robert Gates
• Attorney General: Eric Holder
• Secretary of the Interior: Ken Salazar
• Secretary of Agriculture: Tom Vilsack
• Secretary of Commerce: Gary Locke
• Secretary of Labor: Hilda Solis
• Secretary of Health and Human Services: Kathleen Sebelius
• Secretary of Housing and Urban Development: Shaun Donovan
• Secretary of Transportation: Ray LaHood
• Secretary of Energy: Steven Chu
• Secretary of Education: Arne Duncan
• Secretary of Veterans Affairs: Eric Shinseki
• Secretary of Homeland Security: Janet Napolitano

See what I mean? Remove one, another takes over. Okay, maybe Gates isn’t that bad. But the only other Republican, LaHood, ain’t no prize.

What then?

Nothing. We’re screwed.

Until the 2012 election.

Unless we screw around like we did in 2008 and get our asses handed to us. Think about that next time you decide to bad-mouth a conservative.

Except for Ron Paul. You can bad-mouth him. He’s nuts. And so are his supporters.

I’m starting to get confused. Okay, more confused.

We have two major parties in this country. The Democrats and the Republicans, in case you weren’t sure. Either a Republican or a Democrat has won every presidential election in this country since the Crusades. Or Zachary Taylor’s 1848 election, I forget which. And the last president that wasn’t a Democrat or a Republican, and that didn’t die in office, was John Quincy Adams, a Democratic-Republican (forerunners of Democrats), in 1824.

Over the years, it’s been confusing. Both parties have had conservatives, liberals, and moderates. And still do. I know, I know, it’s hard to believe there are any conservative Democrats, but, truth be told, there are. I can’t name one, but trust me, they exist.

Today, it’s generally considered that Democrats are liberal and Republicans are conservative. And most fit that mold. But not all.

The problem with that — or one of the problems, anyway — is that many members of a party will put party over ideology … and even over country. Witness: the undermining of the military in the recent two election cycles.

So, what do we do?

The president can solve this. How? Appoint me as Political Party Czar!

I’ll have power to assign politicians to the correct party. And create new parties if needed.

Obama, of course, gets booted from the Democratic party (sorry, Boss), but gets to lead the Socialist party. Nancy Pelosi will be in the Barking Moonbat party. As will be Harry Reid.

John McCain (sorry, sir) will be shifted from the Republican party (Meggie Mac, too) to the new Moderate party. Olympia Snowe, too. Or, maybe I’ll make some of that group into Whigs. We don’t have enough Whigs any more.

Some of the current Republicans will become Democrats, some Democrats will become Republicans, and … well, some I need to think about longer.

Sure, it’ll be hell having to meet with all the politicians and figure out what to do with them all. And, while I’m assessing and assigning all politicians in Congress to the proper party, Congress will have to be suspended, as will Executive Orders. This is to ensure that when further legislative or executive actions are taken, everyone is properly placed where they belong.

I don’t make this promise lightly: I will take whatever time is needed to ensure that every politician is in the proper political party.

Could take years.